The worst part is when people think you need someone to talk to and tell them your problems, so they try making you talk about how you're feeling but there's nothing really there to say.

Being schizoid is like sitting on a park bench watching life go by. You'll see a young couple walking by. A family having a picnic. A large group of friends walking and laughing. We just look and idealise them. Imagine the fun they must feel. But we know to experience that for real would be 99.99% utter tedium for us. The reality is nothing like the fantasy we created in our minds. So we choose not to take part, to not fake interest. Just exist in our own bubble

It feels like one is observing his own life, not participating

You described me perfectly. Every time I laugh at someone's joke it's just a learned response. Every time I listen to someone I fake interest and zone out and just listen to the key parts of the conversation so that I can give an appropriate response. I'm not diagnosed, but I don't see the need for it. For someone who doesn't understand schizoid personality disorder (in my opinion not a disorder but simply just a personality). Imagine you're listening to someone going on and on about a topic that for you is completely uninteresting. But you still listen because you don't want to offend the person, when in reality you just want the person to shut the hell up so you can move on to do something more interesting. Then imagine that that is every single conversation you have with every single person you meet. And then there is the complete lack of motivation, interests and the inability to concentrate on anything because your mind immediately starts to wander to your introspective fantasies. I to used to be a musician. Got tired of it. I used to read books. Got tired of it. I used to play video games. Got tired of it. My Steam is filled with games I just played for a few hours and then never opened them again. I'm 33 years old. I tried to study at the university but got tired of it. Had many jobs but within at most a year I quit them because I got tired of it. My current one is the only one I've managed to hold on, owing to the fact that it's really well suited to how my mind works. Does it suck to be schizoid? Maybe, but I'm completely indifferent to it, as am I towards my own existence. I don't want to live but I don't want to die. I'm just indifferent to my own existence so I just float around accomplishing nothing what so ever.

Thank you. Finally someone of "us" talking, not just some psychologist citing the DSM without really knowing what they are talking about.

"Being trapped in a cage made of nothing" - what an amazing way to describe it. Often I've felt trapped, but defining the things that make me feel trapped has often been impossible. I'm gonna keep this description as it sums it up so much. I'm in the process of getting diagnosed and the symptoms of SPD match my life to a tee.

"trapped in a cage of nothing... suffocating" That's actually a really good description!

For me its not about wanting to die, but not really cearing if you do or not..

Having to work so hard to enjoy life, but not suicidal. Spot on sir. Feigning interest in social situations but being so bored by most people and all small talk, because you can't socially engage. Needing solitude for transcendence. Not really crying since childhood. Able to appear normal but not having intimate friends - just acquaintances. Having to read the very best writing, listen to the very best music, watch the very best movies, talking to only really interesting, hard-to-find people. And I can only speak for men, but how hard we have to fantasize a lot of time to climax.

I love how you explain it. I've felt like this since middle school and I never knew why. Always an observer, pretending emotions, and prefer being alone. It's much clearer now.

Omg...u just described me completely. I thought I was just broken. I feel almost like when I do interact with ppl feels like I'm acting. In situations where people freak out I am uncannily calm and logical. Not that I don't feel happiness or sadness I do but because of past trauma I feel like ppl over react to the smallest things that honestly don't matter in the end. It doesn't effect the outcome of anyone's life so why make a big deal over it.

You ever feel guilty about not feeling love for your family and your "friends"?

Always felt like I was alone. Isolated from society and the world in my own brain, different from others. Too quiet, too reserved, too relaxed. I finally seem to have found a community I can relate to.

I am a 68 year old schizoid who was only diagnosed 10 years ago and I wish it had been decades earlier because I would have made much better personal choices based on who I am. It's call schizoid personality "disorder" but I've never felt it was a disorder for me, it's just who I am. I think SPD is a spectrum disorder in that its impact and effect on people's lives ranges from mild to severe. Too often schizoid is presented as a caricature of what it really is for many people who also don't think of it as a disorder, but it's just who they are. I am a secret schizoid, an introvert on steroids but who is in no way shy. And I, GASP!, have feelings! I am empathetic and can talk to anyone about nearly anything, even complete strangers because it will only last for a few minutes and then I won't need to see them again. I am well adjusted and content with who I am. I am friendly with nearly anyone, yet don't have any real friends, just acquaintances. I am not anti-social, but non-social. I just choose to do things by myself without the need to consult or ask anyone about it. I have never been married or even engaged and none of my personal relationships with women have lasted for more than a year after they figured out that I could be just as happy without them as with them. I am not ambitious even though I have a college degree and am pretty smart, but women just don't seem to be able to abide someone like that. I am retired now but never worked any job that required a college degree. Most of my bosses were very happy with the work I did which was usually menial, but I made enough money to take care of my needs. I only wish I knew I was SPD earlier in life because I would have made better choices in the jobs I picked. Yes, I did best in jobs where I mostly worked alone with little interaction with other people. I thrilled a boss once when I volunteered to work weekends in saying I could get my job done better but it really was about being able to work alone. So I gotta say that life is pretty good, people can be annoying but they are who they are just like I am who I am and everybody is just trying to make the best of it. I admit that this pandemic with social distancing has been a piece of cake because I've been training for it all my life.

I know it's an old video but this is so relatable, especially the part of "hurting yourself just to feel something". I have bulimia and that is one of the only things that make me feel content but I know that it is hurting me. I enjoy the solitude of it and being able to eat everything I won't allow myself to during my restriction periods. The relief of purging is like a big sigh afterwards.... I feel alive and almost euphoric. I also drink but only when I have social situations to tend to because it makes me feel carefree and makes me feel like I somewhat have a connection to others.

The worst part is the lack of joy. Other people feel excited about finding their dream job, getting an education, doing things in their spare time, meeting their favorite people. Me I mostly just want to experience pain, or walk 3 hours in wet snow or lift weights until my body hurts so that when it doesn't I think I feel something nice.

I think we should start a schizoid support group, so we can all be alone together... (prepares to duck) In all seriousness, losing the ability to mask (which I have), is worse than wearing it.. you still feel like you aren't one of 'them'.. but now 'they' see it.

So it's like depression but without the depression

I recently discovered I am an SPD. I'm in my 60's and I didn't know what my problem was. I have no desire to do anything that includes being with other people. This recent pandemic that has required us to go into lockdown has been a blessing for me because I have an excuse to stay home. I am married but only because it is the expected normal not because I wanted a partner.

Im doing a paper on Schizoid personality disorder and watching and listening to this made me feel really sad. If i was near you i would want to hug you but then again you wouldnt gain anything from it

Yea I like some people but I can't connect with them properly so I keep to myself

thank you so much for making this video. i always felt so confused on how i felt and always classified myself as a sociopath or whatever but i don't "hate" or want to hurt people. i just feel like being around them is exhausting and draining and like you said constantly having to fake everything. its very difficult even having friendships because all i want to do is be by myself, but naturally everyone gets lonely. how does anyone live like that? i most recently wrote "its like my heart is in a glass cage suffocating, even though i can see everything going on and understand it, i just can't feel it" i don't hate, but i don't love either. you are trapped. i don't know what to do anymore, because im not suicidal. i WANT to live. but there is no quality of life. again i see everything that life has to offer, i just can't feel it. i feel trapped by an invisible wall. you can see out but nothing can get in. it's a very terrible way to live and almost the most sinister. very informative video, we need more people in this world like you.

This fits me perfectly. And as you said, people thought I was depressed. Sure I've been depressed and I had anxiety and all that, but just feeling... Completely empty, and fake, it just described it all so well. Thank you

I’m glad I’m not the only one worried that people will think I’m a serial killer or something if I acted like “myself.”

Thank you for this. I don’t live with this disorder...but someone close to me does. I’m glad to have a better understanding of what it’s like for them. Much love.

excellent video. and the color filter on the vid as metaphor was not lost on me.

its crazy because the emotions are THERE, I can see it in your eyes. trust me I know so many people who try and discuss things that "matter", and I just don't see it in their eyes. blank.

I recently found out I'm schizoid, and I've always felt all of the traits of it very acutely, but I never knew there was anyone like me. In a lot of ways, I always just felt defective. Stumbling on your video and hearing you say the things that I've known for my whole life gives me such a feeling of solidarity, a comfort I've never had in my entire life.

I think I have SPD, and I relate to this video so much. I just don't find joy in a lot of things. I read that people with SPD have a tendency to be very interested in fantasy and stuff like that, and that is all I care about. I don't care about anything else than my movies and tv shows and video games. I also wear a mask all day. At school I am part of a small group of friends, and they are all normal teens who are nice and smart. I don't dislike them or anything, I just don't care what they have to say or do. Someone tells a joke, and I fake laugh. Someone gives me a compliment, and I say thanks just to be polite. I don't find it annoying, it's just that nothing is ever funny. I've been asked to a few dates before, and I turned them all down. Not because I don't like the person, I just don't bother getting to know them. It's even like this with my family. My parents always tell me I have to stop being so grumpy, but I only seem grumpy to them because I don't bother telling them about my day or laugh at their funny stories. Many people also find me lazy. I don't think I am lazy, I just can't see any point in doing most things. Can someone please just tell me what they think? If you relate?

You understand us so much better than almost evryone who makes videos about us. Thank you.

thank you so very much for uploading. Beyond refreshing/relieving being able to relate to someone.

The best description I've seen yet, thank You. I can't even imagine what energy it must take to keep up your friendly and expressive mask.

Thank you so much for sharing. I was recently diagnosed and I've been confused, but hearing other people talk about their experience is making things click better.

I just cried when I watched your video. I thought these feelings are so weird. I’’m happy that someone else out there feels exactly the way I feeling now and I finally understand myself more. Ty for sharing

Thank you for sharing a part of your story. What a generous gift to share with others who want to understand.

I remember breaking down watching this in 2018 while I was in Thailand and began to realize what I was suffering with. I could no longer stand being around my friend in those 2 excruciating weeks in the same hotel room. Thank you for keeping this up!

You come across as really honest and genuine. I appreciate the time and effort you put into making this video. I don't have SPD, but I want to know more about it, and this video helped me to gain some understanding. I'll watch more of your videos because of how honest and non-clinical you are in explaining how you experience the world. Thank you, again, for giving us a bit of insight into your inner world. : )

Yeah, this video just reflected me. I'm currently 16, I'm pretty sure I have Autism or Aspergers. Definitely have MDD (Maladaptive Daydreaming) and Schizoid issues. I'm very philosophical, but in all honesty, there's really nothing left that life has to offer. I'm trying to study hard in school, but my disorders tend to lower my chance of success. It's hard, I feel like I only have a 15 second attention span when I'm trying to read a book and learn something. I'm doing a International Baccalaureate program, which requires a lot of co-operation, and it's just hell. It's exhausting, I hate how stupid I am, because then, I have to talk to people, and eventually make ties. Had this feeling ever since I was 5 ish. I can tell that in my mothers side there were a lot of genetic issue (depression and autism.) So when we moved to Toronto, there were financial problems and lead to a lot of arguments and horrific events. This triggered my escapism. Reflecting back to kindergarten to grade 2 I was and still am a quiet kid, I didn't want to associate anyone because they didn't understand, I had a "friend" who was a girl at that time, she was very energetic but I didn't care. And so, she got mad at me. On top of that, we got bullied and beat up in the back of the bus, I was thought to be "gay." As I was getting hit by a guy, I was crying yet I still had complete control of my thoughts. Just emptiness. I finally meet my first crush, she's quiet and considerate. Very respectful and logical. (Grade 1) 10 years since I've seen her, I've moved to many provinces, and I still know her first name and remember her face. Over the time, I just expected her to come to my life again and just "save me." I've told a few friends but I don't care anymore. They don't understand, and I've distanced myself from my family members. They think I'm all happy, but really, I just want to graduate get a good job and never see them again. It's because of their flaws, usually families should be happy and positive, but my perception is broken. I plan on getting a job and just playing games. There is no point to reality. I'm just waiting to die, but that's so many years from now. I've had many girls take interest in me, but they are only after my looks not my personality, they hold no significant value to me unlike my first crush. I am very socially awkward, yet can communicate well in front of people older than me and able to present in front of an audience. A girl hugged me out of the blue, and I was hesitating to hug back, I was basically forcing myself, I could see my hand straining, I can't handle touch. Everyone to me is cynical, I've called out people's bs and was labelled a douche, I can read anyone like a book, but no believes me. A friend of mine sees me as an asshole. I type these long comments on KZfaq from time to time, crying. Life is just getting a job and dying. And the death is the only thing that intrigues me, as I am curious what's left, what's to come, and that finally my insanity is silenced. I just don't care about anyone or anything. I am perceived as a nice guy in high school, because I am able to portray an energetic or considerate individual with a great sense of humour, but everything I do is for my own purpose. "Laugh so they don't think you're rude, so they think you're considerate." I just pick specific words when I communicate with people just to respond. As that's happening, I'm daydreaming while talking to myself in my mind. I had a dream job but I don't want to care about it anymore. My parents say it's not financially stable and that I have a greater purpose. So. I'm just going to go for dentistry, not caring about the clients and only doing it for the money so I can support my hobbies/"happiness." Constantly daydream about her, and solitude, her and I understanding each other without saying a single word. The energy inside our bodies just slowly fading out. Similarly to your guitar, I am a lyricist, I rap. People say I'm good, but to me. All I did was write and rhyme something sad, anyone in the world can do that. Lastly with the intention to hurt yourself, that's relatable. I do dare devil things, not to impress anyone, just so I can be filled with adrenaline, and life is finally exciting once more. A friend of mine required me to just drop off a fence to take a movement picture, doing so I decided to just climb the highest heights, and as I dropped, I didn't even land properly, landed legs and hands first, I knew it was a bad idea, same thing with football, dislocated my finger because a fast pass was coming towards a guy, I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to intercept it, but still did it anyways. It's like I'm sort of emotional sadist. God this sucks (sorry for long post)

This is so spot on. It’s nice to hear what I go through from someone else. To see that someone understands.

Thank you for posting this video. I have very much the same feelings or lack of feelings that you describe. I am so grateful to you for this video...

I feel we've been robbed of life🙁

Hi there. I've just discovered you, and I'm excited because with this video I can understand more of what my son's life is like. Thanks so much!!!

Wow, I relate to a lot of what you are saying. I recently just heard about the symptoms for SPD and was surprised because it sounded like a lot of stuff that i do; such as intense daydreaming and indifference to relationships. I literally didn't know those were signs of a "disorder". Thank you for making this video, it has given me a lot of food for thought.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm pretty sure my husband has SPD and you really helped me to understand what it's like for him.

I think I have this... The only thing I think ever temporarily cured it was having surgery to remove a tumour and having all this anaesthetic and different drugs, painkillers in my system, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and facing my own mortality made me the best version of myself, but as I recovered I slipped back into the same old state of mind.

I am suffering the same problem but I am really like enjoying living with me. I don't consider this as any disorder but a boon in my life

I thought you expressed yourself very well and believe it or not you brought COLOR to understanding better. It’s just as painful to be on the receiving end of this if one is in a relationship with an SPD. All of a sudden you’re sad that you feel you can’t bring joy or inflection to them when you know deep down they DO care but physically cannot express it. The other person feels so lonely and unloved around them. 👏👏 Bravo for being brave!

Thanks for this upload. It's helped me and I hope it helps others too. Stay strong brother.

My dad (52) was recently diagnosed with schizotypal PD, but the more I learn about schizoid PD, the more I gain understanding about him. Your video was very helpful and informative. I heard my dad saying similar things as you about his inner experience. And it explains a lot. Things I just couldn't comprehend as a child, finally starting to make sense. I can see now why our relationship hasn't been ideal and also that it wasn't his fault or mine. Screw my country which is like a 100 years behind in mental health care.

In a way what you share is similar to what Tibetan Buddhist monks and lay practioners aspire to realize in their practice, in the context of Emptiness, desireless, nonattachment, renouciation in the sense not wanting to be part of the world. Thank you for sharing.

This was really helpful. I’ve always felt this way and now I know I’m not alone, thank you.

Thanks for sharing your human experience! I do not have SPD, but I can respect your struggle within it. It is wonderfully amazing that you have the courage to share with others... I know your personality might be classified as a disorder, I would rather call it another state of being that is not understood in a fast-paced, get it done, live out loud world that requires a boastfully proud disposition. Simply! Thanks!!!!!

I don't bother with the mask much anymore, not too worried about losing a friend if I have to continue an act. I do miss going out with friends sometimes but the effort of pretending to be a certain way can be very draining, makes the whole experience kind of dull or can even give me a lot of anxiety when I'm not feeling up to the task. Fairly sure I don't have Schizoid PD but can relate very closely to what you're saying. Thanks for making this video!

I can relate so much what are you're talking about. I even thought several times about posting this video with Russian subtitles ... Speaking about myself, for some time, maybe up to 20 years, I lived and thought: it's okay, it's just that I look at the world a little differently (meaning my interests and the lack of points of contact with society), maybe I'm a little lucky less than others (meaning the failures and defeats that I suffered), maybe it’s not me, but the people around me... But over time, things got worse. Now I understand that all this time I lived like a tumbleweed rolling in the desert. There are no goals, interests, friends with whom you could discuss topics that concern you. Honestly, the worst thing is that you don't know what to do with all this. You don't know, you don't have energy, and so on. So my life now is a kind of cage from which there is no way out.

Thank you for posting this video. I am a graduate student working on my degree in mental health counseling, and your video gave me excellent insight to SPD. Thank you again, and I hope you continue your growth.

Finally someone I can relate to. I've been feeling this way for about two years now. It's hard to describe, but this really helps and I might show my therapist your video.

I know you might not be reading comments anymore but thank you for this video. I related to this completely. From not enjoying the hobbies that you are good at to making dangerous choices because you simply don't feel anything without it.

I have schizoid personality disorder and it's been weird since I retired from the military. I am surrounded by people who say and do things and when they finish they look to me for a reaction. 9 times out of 10 I have nothing to say and I feel blank. It feels awkward sitting there with everyone waiting for a reaction from me. The 1 time out of 10 I will fake a reaction and half the time it is the wrong one or not believable enough. The whole time however I feel fine and my mood does not change regardless if I am supposed to be shocked, sad, happy, or whatever it is I'm supposed to be showing. I'd rather just stay away and be alone and I'm absolutely fine with that. Someone told me to fake it till I make it and I can't do that. The worst part is when I feel suffocated from everyone wanting me to be a part of something and sometimes I react with anger or hostility to create my distance that I need. Then I have offended them and they expect an apology that I'm really not sure how to give because it is hard for me to be sincere. Many times when I cannot get the distance that I seek I end up in a rage and then I am in a deeper hole because now the world is upset with me and I honestly could not care because my needs for distance and solitude were intruded upon. Recently I have defaulted to rage just to avoid all the unnecessary pleasantries and emotions expected of me that I'd rather not take the time to try and figure out. Thank you for this video. It's good to see someone take the time to share with the world our circumstances.

This was very eye opening for me. I honestly didn't know what was different about me compared to my friends. I have lived most of my life responding to things the way people would expect although I would feel nothing or very little, as an infant my Parents and Nannies found me very inexpressive. I just got broken up with by a long time (2+years) partner last year and my friends asked her why she left me. And she said I was very unemotional or inexpressive. At school people know me as the hard working cold man, I would take on hard challenges and I would be just in the zone of working. I am graduating high school soon and one of my close friends is in AP psychology and they are covering mental behavior/Personality disorder and they told me that Schizoid reminded them of me. Now I found this video. I think I may visit the behaviorial clinic soon to get myself checked out. Thank you for sharing your story this helped me see that what I was going through was not just me.

There is an interesting contrast between your sense of emptiness and the richness of this open-hearted video. Thank you

I'm starting to feel empty and i'm feeling annoyed to even talk to others. I only feel happy when I daydream. I'm looooost

Gosh, this is exactly how I feel but have never been able to put it into words. The nothingness. Countless hours in my bedroom doing nothing, watching life pass me by. But not hating it either.

Man, thank you for candidly sharing.

Pinpoint accurate description, I feel like u been following me and narrating my life

All my friends always said that when they talk to me it's like talking to a wall. It's not that I don't listen to them, but my flat expression makes them thinking that I ignore them

Interesting. I can relate, even though I'm not schizoid, just to the feeling of nothingness. I don't feel that way completely anymore. I am bored and empty a lot of the time but there are things that spark my interest. Like I'll wait the whole day being kinda bored and empty only to get home and get online to be flooded with dopamine and it feels nice. I truly wish you the ability to feel something.

All my life I was wondering what was wrong with me. Now I understand. Great video, really opened my eyes of how I feel

Holy crap man. Every word. True to life. I've been looking for an answer for the emptiness you, like me, struggle to explain. I've been on a very reflective kick lately, wondering why I am the way I am. It's not like it tore me up inside and I just HAD to find out, but it was something I pondered a lot. I mean I figure everyone truly ponders their existence at some point in their lives, shaping who they are. I looked at it for 2 years, trying to figure out just what it was. Never thinking to ask why it was, until recently. I wasn't starting at the right place. I've been on a little manhunt for information, usually in the small spaces of my time. I even began looking at sociopathy, but realized it wasn't me when I actually took the time to research it. You've definitely set me on the path to self discovery my friend. I just wanted to say thanks for making this.

I've been wondering what was wrong with me and when I looked up SPD it mentioned stuff that I didn't experience AT ALL but what you said resonated with me so much that I almost got teary-eyed. It's not that I don't feel emotions. I feel frustrated that I can't seem to like people the way they like me, and usually I fake it so that I don't hurt their feelings. Because if I do I feel guilty. Frustration and guilt, that's basically my emotional range. I also tend to like the fact that people like me, or what I fake to be and that makes me feel even more guilty. But SPD is described as a disregard for what people think of oneself. I don't tend to isolate myself either, because I want people to think I'm a good person (probably because I don't think I am and I need to feel reassured). Also, I have always considered myself aroace because I have no interest in sexual/romantic relationships. I don't have anyone I consider close, some people think I see them as my best friends. Same for my family, I tolerate them, but they expect me to love them, so I act as if I do. I don't have much drive in life either, I tried to write, draw, sing, dance, go to college, but nothing really interests me and everything that I do is because it is expected of me. If anyone reads this to the end, what are the chances that I do have SPD? Most of the time, I just feel like a complete bitch.

You really hit the nail on the head. It was by reading about Kafka, who apparently had SPD that I finally found a name for my condition. I totally agree with what you say about depression. The thing is I'm rarely ever depressed when I'm on my own. Like you say it's wearing this mask (that doesn't exist) around people; that is what tires me out and ultimately leads to anxiety and depression. I don't hate anybody, I'd just rather not be around them. People often ask me whether I'm not lonely living this way and I say no. I'm alone but not lonely. This condition can suck, but compared to some other conditions it's completely manageable. The main problem I find is trying to convince people that they have done nothing to upset me. My aloofness often leads to people's paranoia. It's hard explaining to people that you just prfer you're own company. People either think you're just a dick or they feel sorry for you. Anyway, great video mate. You basically just explained how I feel on a daily basis.

Excellent explanation sums up a lot of my life perfectly.

Couldn't have descriped SPD in a better way, great video and hope your getting beter

I hate being around people. because there's no point in being around them because I don't talk. I get scared and paranoid. I am also loosing interest in music. i don't know where I went wrong. I just wish I could be like other people ex: (social, funny, out there, etc!!) I could kill my self. but I have a fear of death and I'm scared there will be nothing when I "GO TO SLEEP" just darkness! but at the same time I "Believe" in after life! its pretty confusing lol. When I am around people I feel like I really need to talk and I just can't think of anything to say its shit having derailing thoughts.

I know exactly what you mean about everything you said. It's good to hear others that identify with it. 50-100 of us in a room together would be quite a sight, huh? 😉 5 mins in we'd all be like, " F this,..." and walk out. ✋

You are the best explaining how it feels

Thank you for sharing this. It was very insightful and helped me understand

Hello. I've been diagnosed with SPD like a year ago and I wasn't really interested in meeting people with the disorder, but that changed today for a moment and I looked for it here. Your explanation is really accurate. I feel some relief, at least at this moment, that I am not all alone with this disorder, because family or "friends" tend not to understand what this is about. Also, I've been diagnosed with depressive disorder, I went to a psychiatrist because of it. And he didn't realize I had the disorder, so I started only with medication for depression, many antidepressants didn't work for me and I have been trying for two years, luckily right now I am using Bupropion and an antipsychotic which seems to be working for me. Last year, just after I started meeting a psychologist I tried to commit suicide. And as you mentioned, I don't really wanna die, is just that it feel so numb and you want to feel something. Death is a persistent theme in my head, I am kind of obsessed with it, hence my suicide attempt. Death seems so powerful that it make feel there must be something I could find. I don't want it to be so empty as how live feels. Think I have been talking too much. To all people suffering this disorder, try to find something, even if there's nothing to find, at least you would continue with ur life, and that has a meaning for itself.

Finally someone with the condition who speaks about it....

I felt everything u said especially when u said u sometimes feel like leaving the world not because you are depressed but because u don’t fee anything 💯

You made a a really good video explaining the feelings I have, thanks

I would take anything over this. It's like an endless purgatory... it's not worth being alive like this. I know some people are content with it and don't want to change... I can't fathom that mindset. It is a prison

I feel like this a lot. I was diagnosed with autism at 7 but I've never really related to it. I feel like both borderline and schizoid. You also describe struggling to understand your emotions and feeling like the world is fake. That's how I feel a *lot.*

iv shown this to my misses because I really can't explain it to her Thank you so much dude

I feel like you are explaining me..I have been this way as long as I can remember, I never thought it was a disorder, I have learned to cope by masking I am known for smiling alot just to cover my actual feelings inside..thanks for the videos it's really helping me understand and see that it's not only me..

I Dont Feel My Emotions, I Prefer Being Alone, I Dont Enjoy My Hobbies, And I Dont Care About What People Say To Me. I Have Not Been Diagnosed, But I Believe I Have It.

Its interesting to hear from someone that has the same thing as me since a lot of it makes sense to me I've spend most of my life being rejected for not being able to show affection especially by my parents After finally going to therapy getting a diagnostic and understanding what I have I can stop trying to please those who don't want to understand me And to be fair I don't really care about being rejected and just want them to be out of my way so I can do my stuff If I had money the first thing I would do is live alone

Wow, yesterday I stumbled upon an article on SPD. It's the first time I had ever heard of this PD, and while reading the article I felt like it was describing me as a person. Thank you for this video.

this was very honest and educational , it made me sad when you said you don't find enjoyment or find connection with others which is how I feel when time depressed but it makes me very sad so it's interesting to hear that this type of personality doesn't find that depressing or sad necessarily

I'm wondering if I have SPD. I don't want to go to a psychologist right now but I can relate to this very much. When I'm outside, I can act like I'm enjoying myself but really I don't care about my "friends". Nothing really brings me joy and I never had a consistent hobby. I don't really feel anything, I don't know. I also don't feel romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, which I'm okay with.

Sometimes I wonder how long I can live like this. It's hard keeping up appearances and acting in order to appear normal and keep a job. Honestly I just feel like giving up, especially sundays hurt me. When a new week of pain is about to begin. My mask needs to come off I think it will set me free. Being an actor is hard.

Thank you so much for sharing, so insightful.

I truly understand you. You just said what I feel. Hope yr doing well

Wait everybody is NOT like this? Psychologists call this schizoid? I relate completely. Im surprised because I keep hearing mental health specialist saying that to be normal is to be unhappy. SO Ive tended to think that most people that seem to be having a good time are just pretending to follow social norms.

I am 23 and i have no relationships because people don't give me any enjoyment whatsoever humanity is a virus "neurotypical" people lie to themselves and say life is wonderful that is their problem. The world has no meaning at all social interaction is an endless power struggle with no rewards at the end. I am in an endless relationship with my own mind which I cannot stop if I tried.

Very good. Thanks for posting this.

Hello man... some random dude four years in the future here. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am studying medicine and your video helped me to understand patients with SPD.

I'm insulted that you made a bio of my life. I actually finished your sentences a few times. Thank you for this.

The biggest thing for me lately is feeling as though I'm not real. I'm so detached from myself and the world around me, it's as if I'm an observer of life, rather than a participant. Life just passes me by. People progress in life, get a job, get married, have kids, fall in love, get their heart broken, mourn, feel joy, sadness, hate. Those are things that happen to other people, not me. It's like watching a movie. All I feel is angst, frustration, paranoia and an overwhelming sense of emptiness and a lack of identity. People think I'm a nice person, warm, engaging, passionate. In reality, I'm just a world class method actor. It's called being a "secret schizoid." I don't feel love (I genuinely don't understand that emotion on any level), I'm self centered and I don't respond to typically "emotional" circumstances. Recently my grandfather passed away, he was an incredible person who dedicated his whole life to his family and being a school governor. He was a really awesome person. But on the night he passed, I felt nothing. My mood was exactly the same as it was before the moment I found out, it didn't resonate with me like it did with the rest of my family. I didn't mourn, I didn't cry, I don't miss him, his death felt utterly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That bothers me, I wish I felt those things, but I don't and I can't make myself feel them. I owe him a lot because he gave me my interest in nature, art and reading (things I struggle to stay interested in) but I just don't feel any type of way about it. Other than frustrated for *not* feeling. I sometimes also get a feeling that everybody else is like me (although I know they're not) and that they too are just playing a part that they are made to believe is the "correct" way to act. Because this feels so normal to me, it's my reality and it has been for my whole life, I find it hard to understand that people actually *feel* and don't think like I do. I'm really envious of people who have come to accept their SPD because I don't, at all. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want to be born, it's just a cruel joke at my expense. A joke that I can't escape until the day I die. I think about dying every day, sometimes it's this subtle nagging in the back of my mind, sometimes it's huge and all I can think about. But it never goes away. I don't really care if I die but I'm scared of the pain of suicide and the finality of it. I do still have hope that things will change and that's what stops me. That, and my immediate family. Even though I don't feel "love" like I believe everybody else does, I'm extremely fond of them and appreciative of them and the thought of hurting them like that is probably the most intense feeling that I do actually feel. My parents don't deserve that. Sometimes I wish that I'd die in my sleep or get killed in an accident so I can escape this hell hole without burdening my parents with being the people who's weird son killed himself. Thanks for this video man, it's really great to know that I'm not experiencing this alone. Even though I wouldn't wish this on anybody, feeling so alone in all of this is really difficult. I've never met anybody else with SPD and I'm actually really interested to see how that interaction would go down. Would I feel just as irritated by them as I do everybody else, or would we actually connect?

This is the best way to describe myself, thank you