I've never heard anyone talk about the second-hand embarrassment that can come with this disorder, and I relate so much?? I love watching TV shows and movies but if there's ever anything I find awkward or embarrassing I have to literally pause and get up and take a couple laps around my room to deal with the onslaught of second hand embarrassment/anxiety

Dread, panic, shame: that's a perfect summary. Thank you.

You articulated this disorder better than anyone I’ve heard yet. It’s a ridiculous concoction of causes and symptoms and I so relate. The cause - they say it’s part hereditary and environmental. I noticed with me at 12 I became ‘too aware’ of how everyone else seemed to blend in having a grand old time but I did not and felt apart. I think I had too much self awareness! Maybe there’s something in the brain creating it. I still have no clue?! Your video is much needed and appreciated! Please do more videos🌷

I work as a therapist in austria and your videos helped one of my clients immensly for understanding himself more and not feeling so isolated with his disorder. Thank you for your work.

Making something like this, given the ailment you are suffering from, is nothing short of heroic. Be proud. I am like you, where just typing this comment in a public forum is painful, and let me tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, your strength is undeniable. Hero.

Hi, I'm a 45-year old Japanese guy. I have recently found out the possibility that I am suffering from AvPD" and now I am certain that I am. I have been suffering from depression and Agoraphobia, but some traits of mine have not been explained with the two disabilities. I came across the term "personality disorder " through the struggles to speak properly with others without feeling judged or criticized. I have been learning English for a long time but have been unable to speak. I have presumed that it is just because of the shyness. But that didn't explain everything because I feel under pressure even when I speak Japanese. Everything came out crystal clear when I happened to get to the term "Avoidant Petsonality Disorder. " It let me get a sigh of relief at the same time of feeling isolated. Watching your video let me feel I am not the only one who is suffering from the same disability. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Thank you for making this Jake! You're right it's very rare to hear from actual people with AvPD and even more so from men. Don't delete!🙏

I don't know if I'm high-functioning or low-functioning. I can go shopping in a store without extreme levels of anxiety, unless I have an unexpected social encounter when I'm there. On the other hand, I have no friends, no job, and no drivers license. I can totally relate to the phone thing. If I have to call the cable company or something, I can psych myself up to do it but it takes half a day and drains all my energy. I'm 38. I think I've improved significantly over the years, but the trouble is that I've been able to create a "comfortable" lifestyle for myself where I rarely if ever have to interact with people, and now I feel trapped in it.

Thank you, for eloquently helping me realise that THIS is what has held me back for so long

There’s really not enough of us out there making videos about our experiences. It’s almost like we’re hiding or something haha. I relate with just about everything you said man. Just hearing from others who are going through the same shit makes me feel a little less alone. I’m looking forward to your videos in the future dude.

Yes, I feel this exact same way! It feels like I'm being held prisoner inside of myself. I definitely feel as if I have no positive traits and sometimes I don't... I grew up with family insinuating I was psychopathic for things that happened to me in childhood because I became depressed and stopped being very emotional (they would also use my emotions against me, which only forced me to stop emoting even more) and I just kind of leaned into that and became angry and hateful. It's been hard to get rid of the harsh criticism I feel towards others and it's been even harder to feel like I have anything worthwhile to offer anyone else and when I try to develop a more positive self-concept, I feel as if I don't deserve it because of my past feelings and actions towards others. I think I'm high functioning, though. As I've gotten older, I realised I wanted to be a part of the world and that I don't actually hate people but I feel incapable or like I'm not good enough to do that. I've been trying but I can't help but feel like everyone hates me or finds me weird so I constantly fall apart and force myself to try again. It's incredibly stressful. So I guess I display some dwelling subtype traits?? (I'm sorry, I don't remember the name of the subtype, but it was the second type) I also do hypersensitivity. I'm incredibly paranoid and feel that second hand embarrassment. And the existential depression is probably my biggest besides the dwelling!!! I was actually going to college to be an existential therapist. I also maladaptive daydream like FUCK (I don't know if you do this, exactly). I actually almost crashed my car doing it--luckily I 'woke up' just before I ran my car into the side rail. However, as a disclaimer, I've not been diagnosed clinically. I don't want to go to a therapist because the last one I went to, I saw her checking her watch every time I would speak and she would also call me by another patient's name, and I felt like I was so incredibly boring and obnoxious to her that she was counting down the time until I left and I was so forgettable that she never bothered to learn my name. So I just stopped trying to go to therapy lol Though I've not been diagnosed, I really resonate with this entire thing. I really appreciate you putting this up because it will definitely help people like me feel less misunderstood. There needs to be more attention and awareness on it because it is incredibly crippling for sufferers. Thank you again for posting. It's very enlightening.

Thank you for making this. I am a high functioning AvPD and can relate to some of this. I hope you can find peace one day.

I hate how relatable this is. Also you mentioned some important things that many people never talk about regarding the topic. Like secondhand embarrassment and making up random scenarios in your head. And what you said about watching shows resonates with me too: when I sense there's some awkward scene coming I either have to constantly pause to make it through or just look away. And I understand how stupid this actually is but I can't help it.

Interesting listening to someone at your age. I am at the other end of the experience (71). My diagnosis was in 2008 and like you there were other diagnoses: ADHD, Long term Depression Recursive, general anxiety disorder, and social phobia. I have been seriously trying to understand it for about the last five years. I find the typical KZfaq "experts" explanations worthless, especially when they start talking about it being caused by a fear of this or a fear of that. That is when it becomes obvious to me that they have no clue to what it really is, how it functions, or how overwhelmingly destructive it is to your life. I wish there was serious research being done on it but I cannot find any. I just republished my video (AVPD at 70) because my AVPD is getting worse and generalizing. No matter how much I do not want to be visible, if I can help someone not become like me, it will be worth it. Anyone know of a discussion group or something similar. I have been out of the workforce for a number of years now. I am more isolated than I have ever been and I am in trouble. One of the hardest aspects is not having anyone to talk to because I have driven everyone away. I can look back now over 50 years and see the patterns emerge and begin to disrupt my life and career. I have no idea how to fight it but I know that it creates a negative feedback loop that 'hardens' it and makes it and your behavior patterns more controlling over time. If you are going to be able to help yourself, the earlier you become aware of AVPD and start trying to change your behavior patterns, the better chance you will have. I can tell you with absolute certainty, you do not want to be where I am when you are my age.

I think you are incredibly brave and courageous to share your difficulties online in a KZfaq video. I feel like I could never do that. I think that is super awesome of you.

*raises hand* yes, on the fantasies and creating an alternate universe in your head. I am in the process of getting diagnosed. This wasnt a symptom I have read much about. Thank you for sharing. My fantasies are how I get myself to sleep for the last two decades. Probably longer. It is the world where I am in control and where I am admired and loved by people who are not my family. One of my biggest fears is that one day I get stuck in this fantasy and can't turn back to the real world anymore.

Goodness this is so relatable, from the social anxiety, hypersensitivity, poor opinion about oneself, sarcasm and self deprecation, to the second hand shame, and maladaptive daydreaming. I could never relate to anyone else this much. I think I should get myself checked for avpd, I might be a bit more of a high-functioning type but it's going downhill, slowly getting out of control. Thank you so much for this video!

I have the same disorder and I took one semester before dropping out, too. I can't work either. Walking down the driveway in front of the entire block to get the mail is the worst. Almost every freaking day and lock down from Covid was so awesome and so was all the work from home opportunities. And i know nothing can be done about it except coping and benzos so I just have one kind of benzo for anxiety and one for sleep. You did what you set out to do. I feel better and thank you. (My mind says I'm pathetic and simple minded for feeling relief that someone else is suffering and not just me. How simple minded and pathetic lol) It is the self fulfilling prophecy that the very symptoms of our disorder prevent us from making treatment progress and public awareness... we're so ashamed 2nd hand shame is ridiculous isnt it?!! I cant watch a sex scene from a pg13 movie with anyone else around me. It's so embarrassing. Just typing this now my heart is so loud I hear squeeeking and echoing on the wall

Excellent video! Thank you for being so brave. I am diagnosed as AvPD and 67 years old. It gets SLOWLEY better the older you get if you practice. the skills required to desensitize yourself to being "judged".It has not totally gone away, but it is so much better! Please continue to make these videos because it's going to help you and many others. I must add that Paxil saved my life. Cheers.

omg you explained those feelings really well 😭 i have all of these symptoms down to the addicting daydreaming as a coping mechanism for "fullfiling" my inferiority. but idk how to articulate it if i were to explain it to others. i struggle with my communication skill as well. i might just show them this video if somebody asks me my issues lol

I have the misfortune of relating to this extremely closely. I'm not sure it would do any good to get diagnosed at this point in my life, but I should look into it. I feel you, buddy. I'm 42, and my life has been hard for seemingly no reason to anyone else, but this.....

Just wanted to say you’re so brave! I get anxious typing comments 😂 I have ‘high functioning’ if you can call it that. I just thought I had social anxiety - and when I was even younger I just strongly believed I was defective. When I got diagnosed with social anxiety I felt like I’d been given a lifeline and I could breathe a little (because it was normal to be the way I was with social anxiety). Anyhoo it’s great to hear other AVPD people talk about their experience because it’s an isolating experience in all respects and it’s nice to feel not alone. I did a lot of CBT and it helped me achieve some goals but the feeling of worthlessness never goes away and continues to impede fuller happiness and growth.

Thanks for sharing. It is a very lonely and painful disorder. It prevents us from fulfilling the human need to connect and belong. I think we need to find that sweet spot of not too much and not too little of social interaction

It is an act of kindness and generosity showing oneself naked in order to help others. Thank you so much for that! I wish you all best and really hope you might manage to heal your inner child one day 🙏

One thing I really admire. Your articulation skills. You’re actually pretty comfortable behind the camera just from me looking in.

Thank you Jake! I was diagnosed at the beginning of this year with avpd. Really appreciate and respect you so much for putting this video up bro. Love from some stranger from the internet! Focusing on self care routines (gym mostly) has been a huge benefit to me, although yes its still so fucking hard man. I feel like we avpd peeps have superpowers when it comes to perception and it takes so long to feel like we can stop instantly taking those perceptions to the extremes...but baby steps I guess. Like I track the movements of every single person around me constantly, how they feel, what they are doing etc etc etc and its exhausting. Slowly learning how to take it all in, still feel like everyone hates me/judges my worthiness, but yeah trying to just focus on the reality of situations and not let my mind take every social que and run myself into the ground with it. 31 here, about to be 32, I really do hope you keep on pushing your limits and it pays off man, you've got a headstart over my avoidant ass! Not to sound cliche, but keep working on you bro cause it hurts a whole lot more when you look back in your 30s and realize how much you have stopped/blocked you from enjoying things. I know how almost impossible it can be to like pat yourself on your back, but man DO IT and let your tail wag sort of speak cause your video will help tons of people.

I'm AvPD and BPD. It sucks. You are spot on.

Thanks so for your bravery in making this video. It's helping me sort some things out. The Dread, Panic, Shame cycle has been a big part of my everyday life since childhood, I'm now 49. Thanks again.

When you mentioned that you’re invisible to discomfort… I deal with this a lot in terms of setting boundaries. Because whenever somebody steps out of line and disrespects me, it’s hard for me to react which makes me feel as though people won’t take me seriously when I do come around to speaking up about it. Then I’ll just avoid them more because in my mind I feel like they should know better than to treat me that way. Makes me feel like I gotta teach people how to have mutual respect and decency for one another. It’s quite annoying.

This was really brave. Thanks for putting yourself out there like this. I know the disorder makes us feel like we don't have positive attributes, but doing this shows you have some courage and a concern for others who suffer, both of which are positive attributes.

Thank you for sharing. I recently discovered this disorder and the symptoms really resonate, hearing your story is really makes me feel like I'm not alone

I have OCD and I relate to a lot of the traits you talked about. You're definitely not alone!

You nailed it with what you said about getting praised and thinking that they don't really believe it, and that they're just saying it to make me feel better. Thank you so much for making these videos. Sucks to know that you may not believe it, but this stranger from the internet likes you and thinks you're amazing for putting yourself out there to help others. I'm not sure if I could even try doing the same as you. Thanks again.

I almost broke down into tears, because I have AvPD, too, and everything you spoke, pretty much word-for-word, is exactly how I am, and how I think. I even have the dysthymia/persistent depressive disorder you mentioned. More people need to see this video. Thank you for making it.

I've been diagnosed with AvPD from two different doctors now. I always found it hard to be in school when I was a kid and struggled going there every single day thinking about teachers that'd put me in an uncomfortable situation (asking me to answer without raising my hand, going up to solve something on board Infront of my class, etc) even though I exceeded expectations in written exams. But whenever I had the thought that I'd be in an uncfomy situation I'd just black out. My parents are strict always thought that I'm avoiding school and always told me how bad my future would be without school I struggled every single day going there.... and only managed to make it past primary school. My family think I'm lazy and I'm just there finding excuses and they tend to compare me to my sibling or other cousins (you are smarter than them yet u haven't gone far enough academically) painful words that'd never forget. I could relate to (almost) everything u mentioned and I actually thank you for sharing this and congratulate u for ur braveness.

Thank you. I'm 20 yrs older than you and I've been through so much dealing with this. I was diagnosed when I was 25, but I've never gotten specific help for that itself or had it explained to me. I've never really felt heard. I haven't been able to work since I as 23. Thank you so much for your video, it's helped me alot.

That trait you described at the end is something a lot of writers do. They talk out loud in made up conversations with themselves.

Thank you for your open sharing. The irony, for me, is that you present as such a confident, articulate, gifted young man, comfortable in his skin (and with every reason to be so) and you are explaining how this is not, at all, your experience of yourself (usually, but it is in this venue). You are amazingly self aware, for being so young. That's both a gift and a burden (as you well know). If it's any consolation (and I hope that it is), as you grow older, and make efforts (which you clearly are), you will, naturally, look less outside of yourself for validation (whether from a gas station attendant, fellow shoppers at a grocery store, your work colleagues, even your family and friends, literally whoever) and know deeply and be deeply and peacefully yourself, fully in the world. Wish you the very best!

This is incredibly helpful and substantially, internally heavy. This is helping me understand a guy friend of mine. I'm convinced that he's got this disorder but it doesn't keep me from liking him.

It’s maladaptive day dreaming! I get what you mean. Sometimes I’ll just sit and think what if I was to date a person, or what if I had money, and then sometimes to escape my trauma I start making up stories in my head. I’m trying to ground myself in recent years and actually do something with myself but it’s hard. The main root of this disorder is fear and a messed up brain. My default is negativity but I wanna live.

Thanks Man, you did good making this video. I was recently diagnosed with AVPD and it hasn't been an easy life. Everything you went through I went through. Hope better days are ahead.

I'm 3 minutes in and this has already help me a lot. Thank you edit: I'm definitely mostly the 'conflicted' subtype. Also an aspiring writer (my ideal life is to live off that somewhat off grid), guitar amateur, and I have a thousand ideas for games (I grandiosely dream about being able to develop a game for big IP's that I love). 'Hypersensitive' subtype is strong in me, too. That feeling of being mad at someone close to you, or uncomfortable at that moment, but being unable to express it (except for passive agression which you feel so guilty about later) is one of the worst things I've felt. Certainly like being trapped in yourself, under the people pleaser layer that at that moment feels like an iron skin or something. It can get almost claustrophobic. Yep, the fantasies are awful as well, since you need them, but you're aware it only fuels the negative stuff. It's just a patch your brain forces on you. And dealing with that can lead to depression, since the only way is to reinforce the fact that they are fantasies that will never happen every time that they show up. Again, thank you for this video, it did make me feel a bit better. Wish you the best, I'll be watching future content

I was diagnosed with AvPD 2 weeks ago by my psychiatrist. I was as unaware of this personality disorder and just assumed I suffered from social anxiety and depression. You’re video was extremely enlightening. I wish I could say that I’d love to meet someone like you in real life but alas I probably wouldn’t due to the overwhelming fear of making new friends. Based off your understanding of the disorder I would say that I’m on the high functioning end of the AvPD, yet it means absolutely nothing in the end. I suffer from crippling anxiety in any social situation unless I know with absolute certainty that I will not be judged for what I say. I spend everyday in my head thinking the worst of myself. That I’m incapable of friendship and unworthy of anyone’s attention. I often feel like a complete idiot at my job. I constantly worry that I’m going to be “found out”. That I’m a fake with my so called intelligence and the embarrassment I envision in my head is enough to send me spiraling into a panic attack. The list goes on and on. I wish nothing but the best for everyone suffering for this debilitating condition. Being avoidant can often mean not getting the help that one needs to start recovering and it is indeed an extremely challenging process.

I just got diagnosed and have started getting help and this video made tear up. I’ve never had someone so accurately explain what I’m going through daily. Subscribed so I can see more of your journey, and hopefully learn a lot more about myself too.

this. I'm always down on myself for being negative all the time when every one else seems to be able to overcome things through the power of "positivity." This furthers feelings of alienation and overwhelming dread that I won't ever be able to connect to anyone in a meaningful way. thank you for being real.

This video really helped me. I could relate to almost everything, especially the fantasies. When I went to inpatient in middle school and early high school, they told me I had anxiety and depression but it never felt like it explained enough. My entire life I’ve felt like an alien and would try to figure out what to do and say to be normal. I couldn’t figure out how everyone knew what they wanted to be or why I couldn’t have the close friendships I saw all around me. Now, I am a 19 year old sophomore in college, I have switched my major twice, I have no friends I hang out with in person at all and barely any online, and I even have a hard time feeling love towards any family outside of my parents and one of my siblings. I feel aimless and like I have no real place. So it’s nice to see videos like this where I feel like someone finally gets it a bit

I have social anxiety, which I'm currently in therapy for, and yet also many of the symptoms you suffer from too. . I guess there's a crossover. Thanks for posting your video, incredibly eloquent and very informative. Second hand shame is definitely something i get, also the fantasy element. I'm a visual artist who dabbles with writing, it's actually a great tool for narratives. Good luck x

You have no idea how grateful I am to you for this video. I've known for years that I have anxiety disorder, I had social phobia at school, panic attacks and so on but only recently I learned about avoidant personality disorder and its strange because it came as relief because what you are describing is 100% me and now I know what is going on. I respect you so much for making this video. Thank you!

I just found out about this disorder yesterday and although I haven’t been diagnosed I’m pretty sure this is what I’ve been dealing with my entire life. I could relate to everything you said I’m so grateful that I am high functioning and that I can more or less live my life, but this explains so much for me, and it feels good to know I’m not the only one. Thank you for this video keep doing you because this is so important and you seem like a really good person, I know making a video like this would give me way too much anxiety so be proud of yourself for this!

Thank you for creating and sharing! Sending Love and appreciation your way!

Thanks so much for your video! I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 30 years ago. No one was diagnosing personality disorders then. I’m positive I have avoidant and dependent personality disorder. I’m going to ask my psychiatrist to look into it because I’m reclusive and happy hiding away. I worry about anything that’s even possible yo worry about. Thank you so much for telling the truth of your life. I can’t say how much your words mean to me ❤❤

Thank you, very brave of you, it does help a lot to be not alone, get to know others with this AvPD and how it effects us. I was diagnosed 15 years ago at age 26 but I didn't know how to live with. Denying my anxiety and feelings of weirdness and shame made me do stuff but often in unhealthy ways. Learning about others talking about it I wish to accept my (I call it) limitations better and also to acknowledge the things I (am able to) do in life (art for example).. Hope to hear from you!

You're very self-aware for someone so young. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Great video! Beautifully expressed and extremely thorough. I admire you for your honesty and vulnerability!

thank you for sharing. it takes a lot of courage. please don’t be too harsh on yourself

Hi, Jake. This is the first video of yours that I've watched. I identified with 99.9% of what you said (including having to change tv channels when someone's about to get embarrassed or caught, or living a life of fantasies. I noticed you didn't mention feeling judged by dogs or by the robotic voice on a GPS app. lol). The only thing that I didn't identify with was anger. I've never felt worthy to complain and most of my anger is aimed at myslf.) I felt compelled to message you as a cautionary tale and to wish you luck. I'm 55 years old and my life has gone unlived. No romantic relationship (maybe 2 dates- probably people pleasing), no career, no accomplishments, etc. It sounds petty, but at this moment I'm almost jealous that you've had the internet most of your life when I had no such luck the first 25-30 years of my life. Anyway, I digress. I will try to continue watching your videos, in order, over time. I wish you luck and my heart goes out to a fellow brother-in-arms.

Wow you nailed it…..I think I might have this but I’m not confident the mental health community will help much. For what it’s worth, you did a great job explaining this. I never knew it was a thing.

When I came across it recently, the diagnostic criteria for AvPD made me suspect I might have it, but this makes me confident enough to feel like I can bring this up with my psychiatrist. Your experiences resonate deeply with me, and being able to hear your first hand account of living with it makes me feel seen for the first time in years. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there to post this.

Every time I want to comment on a post I feel the same as what you mentioned, so just wanted to say that I’m so glad that you talked about this all

Got diagnosed two years ago, aged 48, and it explained so much. Also got diagnosed with CPTSD and ADD. Finally I got an explanation and a "key" to understand myself (and forgive myself..) Thank you so much for sharing, I can truly relate.

Learning the subtypes from you was exceptionally helpful. Thank you!

A minute a go i was in tears with the realisation avpd really is me and the next to chuckling and laughing to myself because i relate soooo much!! Youre funny!! 😂 Thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you! It means so much to see you share this. Basically everything you were saying I was nodding my head to. ❤

I'm really glad you made this video. Haven't watched others but in the recent thumbnails you seem more hopeful, which is inspiring to me. It is hard to even want to face having a personality disorder but understanding what challenges we have helps make facing life seem more possible! Thank you!

I relate to your video a lot. and am very appreciative of your putting yourself out there

Thanks a lot for your post. It gave me great consolation as I have suffered from great solitude too. I wish you great success & gladness in life. Rob.

All of this is very relatable. Though I wouldn’t get in such distress, but it’s a constant feel of anxiety in every situation that involves talking to people. The daydreaming, the awkwardness, the questioning of every sentence Îm going to say, and thus skipping most of them, etc… For several years after my studies, I pretty much locked myself out of social interactions. I lived in a farm in the middle of nowhere and this made me feel so much more confortable that I ever was. I was not working, living on the bare minimum, doing the things I loved (drawing and restoring cars) and that was great…but I did miss close relationship. Also the feel of being shamed by others was overwhelmingly present (« you’re a parasite », « you’re worthless », these ideas were in my head constantly, but I did hear them from relatives too). I ghosted my friends as I was in an odd situation and didn’t wan’t to feel embarrassed about telling them. At some point I took upon myself and managed to go on dates, and somehow got married to a beautiful extrovert wife that has had to cope with my social awkwardness (to say the least) for 7 years now, but I see it’s wearing her down now. She wants to do things and I only do them to please her but it terrifies me, and take no initiative by fear of having the wrong idea. She pushed me in the right directions, I created a business but it failed. I found a near perfect job (working all by myself with occasional clients) after but the company failed. And it makes me question a lot of things, I now do a lot of introspection, something I completely ignored doing before. So i’ve just found out about the AVPD and it sounds all too familiar. Add to that the recent realization that I’m likely on the autism spectrum and basic life skills get tough.

Being diagnosed is great! And your explanations are highly informative. Thank you.

I admire your bravery. Thank you.

Yes. The daydream thing, 100% accurate. I will also daydream some traumatic event. Glad your posting.

So super thankful you shared this! I can not believe no therapist has never diagnosed me with this but then again, I never follow thru with treatment long enough for them to really know me cuz I can't keep appointments or a job or any commitments due to my obvious avoidance disorder. I've a definite combo of subtypes. Not so much abandonment concerns but def dread about my inability to accomplish much of anything. I haven't kept a job for more than several months at a time and I'm 45 yrs old! I've been homeless or lived in my van, right now I'm staying with a codependent friend I've known for 20 years that has abandonment issue's and needs to be needed so it works for us both lol I stay in my room and find it difficult to even be around him. I fear our conversations will always lead to arguing or me feeling misunderstood. I isolate but I desire friendships. When I go out my interactions fears are confirmed because I sweat and shake and can't think straight, it's so overwhelmingly. Anyway you articulated everything to a T!!! Thanks again! I think we gotta push thru the discomfort and put ourselves out there... I guess lol I love reading and crafting and chilling in my room but it is lonely and no fulfilling.

Thank you so much for your channel, you articulate so many things im unable to. It helps me to understand how I feel better as someone who also deals with *very highly suspected, but not diagnosed* PDD and AvPD symptoms. There isnt that much research or information on it, so your videos actively help those searching for something at all!

Thanks for making this. I relate to this 100%. So comforting hearing this from someone else's mouth.

I am diagnoes with light AvPD and working on it too. Also dealing a lot with Self-Critisizm and lack of Self-Accpetance/Acceptance of the Disorder. Crazy to see how our mind is tricking us and being irrational because from what I saw you seem like a really really kind and sympathic guy I'd like to hang out with. Thank you a lot for sharing your thougts and life circumstances and I wish you a helpful treatment and lot's of joy with your new freedoms you'll get with more progress!

Thank you for being so courageous and making this video...I feel like I will be making videos for myself and hopefully others to get better

Thanks for sharing. I like the structure of this video. The part where you went into the sub-types was particularly interesting to me.

Good for you being willing to share this. You sound like a person with good judgement who understands himself and your reactions to the testing, etc. were very reasonable and demonstrated good judgement. I am impressed you are dealing with this disorder and can advocate for yourself so well! I wish you healing and light.

Thank you so much for sharing. It's so true that there are not enough personal accounts of what it feels like to have this disorder. This video made me feel a lot less alone, which is something all the youtube psychologists and research papers can't do, at least not for me. Also I genuinely think you seem like such a wonderful, awesome human being - like really. I hope you get to play in a band one day (also a dream of mine:) ).

Thank you I have avpd as well, and I really struggle to explain it, especially to my family, so I may share this with them. You say it far better than I could.

Very informative! I was diagnosed with the same thing but honestly didn’t know much about it. Thank you!

This is the most understandable way I've ever had AvPD put. I identify highly with all the subtypes you mentioned...yay lol. Thank you for putting this video out there, hope you're doing well.

Thanks so much for this video - this kind of stuff is invaluable to anyone with AvPD. I can't stand filming myself so I can't imagine how hard this must've been to film and upload, and not only that but this is so well-explained, I relate to everything you said so much. The thought of walking into a store already makes me anxious and it's not something most people could understand...

I admire that you put yourself out there like this. I don't think I could ever do that (self hatred and embarrassment). It's comforting knowing you aren't alone. I Look forward to more videos.

Thank you. You did an amazing job articulating your challenges. I hope sharing helps alleviate some of the pain and suffering. Mental illness SUCKS! Unfortunately or fortunately you’re not alone. Stay strong brother! ❤️

Hey man I just wanted to say thank you for posting these. Not diagnosed but I related to every single thing you said. Haven't been able to leave my house much for a long time, way before covid, although that didn't help lol. Makes me feel way less alone knowing someone else struggles with these things.

Thanks for making this video. I was looking for KZfaq videos of anyone who has avpd. Unlike me though, you are extremely well spoken and articulate. Also confident to upload your own video. Thanks for all this and hopefully you can upload more and more often.

Thank you SO SO much for sharing this, I really appreciate you overcoming your anxiety to post this, I know how difficult and mortifying and exposing it feels. I relate a lot to the symptoms of avpd, and I might have it too. Everybody with avpd has different experiences and we're not all exactly the same, so it's good to hear different experiences. Every experience is valid, and like you said, some of us are a bit higher functioning, some a bit or a lot lower. I'm currently struggling with the prospect of employment, because it's so terrifying and there's this overwhelming, utterly paralyzing sense of dread and feeling of incompetence and patheticness and the whole process of finding and getting a job just feels so judgmental and critical that I can't even search for jobs or look at a job requirements without feeling utterly hopeless and discouraged and demotivated because I feel like I'm no where near good enough/capable/qualified. It just makes me want to cry and I'm terrified of my future because of it. I'm also still heavily dependent on my mom at 21, and her trying to encourage me to be more independent is so frustrating and terrifying because I feel like I'll never be able to support myself. I can't even drive on my own cuz I think I have dyspraxia too so I have issues with coordination, timing, judging speed and distances, reaction time, multitasking and processing a lot of info quickly and making quick decisions etc so driving makes me extremely anxious cuz I don't wanna put myself or others in danger and I'm scared of causing or getting into an accident and wrecking my mom's car which she can't afford to fix if that happens. Sorry for the rant and getting off topic. Thanks again for being brave enough to share, it helps us other avoidants and mentally ill people with overlapping traits to feel understood and validated and to have a safe community where we can be ourselves from a safe, anonymous distance. Sending love to you all. Your life is too precious to give up on. Give yourself a hug right now for all the challenges and pain you deal with constantly.

I am an autistic 15 year old and it's comforting seeing this. I looked for so long to see what was wrong with me. And after finding avpd I think I hit the nail on the head. You have a lot of courage posting this, and so many people appreciate it. We're not alone as lonely as we may feel. I called of sick more than enough times just to get out of school. It got so bad my mom saw my pain and took me out of it. I would hyperventilate black out sobbing on late sunday nights. The fear it gives you is indescribable and scary. I have an unending amount of empathy for you. You are strong. And progress may be slow but this channel is your example. You're doing a lot to help other people including yourself. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this video 🙏. For the past few years I’ve hated myself for having nearly all the symptoms you mentioned and not being able to function in any social situations including school and work and isolating myself completely, but it makes me feel at least slightly better that there is a diagnosis for what i’m going through and that there is a reason for why i’m fucking failing at life. I appreciate you talking about this, keep doing what you’re doing. oh i also really admire your no-bullshit attitude and how you just speak honestly about your symptoms and how you feel about yourself. in a sick and depressing sense, its comforting to hear.

Hey, Jake. Thank you for this video. I don't know yet if I have avpd, but I identify with a lot of what you said. I've always struggled with extreme social anxiety and self rejection, and even leaving a comment like this or talking to someone new online is a challenge for me. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone, thank you

Thank you so much for this explanation. It was very clear and to the point.

Thank you for coming out! You are very brave. I self-diagnosed just a few weeks ago as having had AvPD since adolescence. It is very uplifting to finally have a name for the condition, and to see that it's not just me... I am 58, was diagnosed with social anxiety 20 years back. I wish I had been diagnosed and received treament when I was 14, but the term wasn't even invented yet! In the midst of your suffering, your struggle, consider yourself lucky that you are still young, and you are actually making a concerted effort to help yourself, which is the most important thing. With me, general apathy has so far been characteristic for most of my life. The four subtypes are new to me. I have the same distribution over the four types, as you describe for yourself. The hypersensitivity to criticism is definitely central in my case too, as is the anger and self-isolation. Although I'd fall in the "high-functioning" group, I guess.

I'm glad you've bravely came on here and spoken about this misunderstood disorder. I had to deal with it for about forty years of my life and finally have worked my way out of it for the most part. I can so much identify with your withdrawal into fantasy and the tendency to shut down in the face of social stressors. My 21 year old nephew is dealing with a worse case than I had, unfortunately, and I'm trying to help him out.

I'm grateful that I was blessed with this video. It's nice to see someone who has it explain it instead of just a bookish way of understanding it.

I’ll start with some compliments just because. You’re handsome, you’re obviously intelligent, you’re articulate, you have nice eyes. That’s objective. ;) Sounds like you were describing me , so I relate to pretty much all of it. So much of what you said sounds like me . Thanks for sharing that and yeah it’s nice (kind of) to hear someone else who is very similar. Two positives, I’ve had therapy for the last few years that has changed my life, I didn’t think it was possible because I didn’t know what feeling better felt like , so I would definitely recommend that if you haven’t already. Second , you’re working on it already at a relatively young age, I left it much later, so on the positive side you have the chance of many more good/great years. Main thing, it will get better than you ever realised is possible ❤ On the plus side at least we both have a diagnosis, there are I’m sure many more out there living with it. Thanks for your video, I wish you well . Hello from the other side of the world, Sydney Australia 😊

thank you so much jake i don't know you but i'm so proud of you for putting yourself out there and making this video despite how daunting it must be. i relate so fucking much to everything you've said and it's nice to see an actual person who suffers from avpd talking about it rather than psychiatrists reading out of textbooks. wishing you the best and i hope you continue to post videos sharing your experience!

Thank you for sharing this, it means a lot and yes you are very right there not many videos around. So thank you so much for your take on it.

Thank you for sharing. I have some very similar stuff but to a lesser degree. Now that I've watched your video, I feel relieved and understood.

I feel like I just found a carbon copy of myself, like it's pretty crazy. I'm not diagnosed but I've been researching avpd for a while now, I'm diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but as the years go on my functioning has gotten worse and worse, now I'm here thinking it's more than likely avpd. I commend you for being brave enough to go on camera, I don't think I could have done it, and will be a valuable resource for people looking for help.

This helped me a lot. I truly think I also have this. Thank you for this.