That is the issue I am having and its a family member that keeps taking and not giving back.

@Deb Harris Are you referring to the phrase "Do not throw pearls in front of pigs!" ?

Well said

Yes!!!

Facts

💛💛💛💛

I loved the way you summed it up. So smart!

Thank you.

@@alexborn5470 If you do it often enough, it becomes a habit. It won't feel selfish or weird after a while.

Oh yes

You feel so strong 💪🏾

Tina Schmidt I always have been exploring myself to validate my position, to be understood, to be trusted . This person is gone out of my life . I’m still doing this with my son. He says to me many times , you don’t have to explain. I get it . ...ouh...ok

Gratitude it’s how a narc keeps you reacting. I keep things very simple and monotonous such as “I disagree with your interpretation of events”. If my daughter asks a question, I’ll answer, but being in defense mode actually hurts you, especially in court.

Yes, it does and most times the person you are explaining yourself to views this as being unnecessary especially if they are a good person.

Love it! True!

I've come to the point where I don't explain myself anymore. I'm tired, enough for ready for me. I set the boundary and I'm not going to explain any more than is necessary. But I will not go into the defensive and be in the corner anymore.

Yuup..everytime!!

Amen! It's the "no" test. I love it!

Yes! This happened to me when a 'new" narc neighbor tried to force himself in to my life. He kept leaving gifts on my front porch after telling him nicely that I don't want anything from him . But he continued to try to force me to take his gifts and then finally I had to get in his face and calmly but sternly said "no, I don't want or need anything else from you" to his gifts and asked him to "take a few steps back away from me" (the gift smothering was so weird and kept insisting about how gifts are "what friends do for eachother", and I just met him 3 weeks before and probly only spoke a total of 45 minutes alltogether in passing outside). Now he leaves me alone. If I see him outside we are cordial with eachother. It felt so good.

@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 If he kept giving you gifts even after all, you could just start throwing his gifts in the trash can. And make sure that they're visibly in the trash can.

Absolutely magical!! I did the same thing to my last narcissist that I attracted and he tried to throw a tantrum to get his way and I went no contact and he disappeared 👻

Holly's Happy Hour ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Same here

salonika101 me too. I finally enforced a boundary today.

Sometimes you can’t enforce boundaries with some people, so you have to be willing to walk away for yourself.

@@jlroussin Congrats! Same here :) It gets easier everyday the more you practice

Same here!

They always do.. setting boundaries and enforcing your standards are the best way to see who a person really is 🙌

I had the same thing happen. I was with a narc for 10 years and I finally stood my ground a few months ago. He disappeared so fast. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks until he needed his mail and other things from my house. And when he did contact me he tried to bait me into drama where he was going to verbally attack me but I was finally able to shut it down before it started and not feed into it.

Thanks a lot 🥰

Dupilkac yeah your really see someone’s true colors when you stick to your boundaries

Stephanie Lyn Coaching iooooooiooiyiiiiyioyyyyyyy

Sarah Grifje keep it up! People who get mad at your no are probably users or narcs.

It is hard at first, but so worth doing it.

I can relate I was brought up the same way.

Me too ! I can also relate to this , being brought up to be caring & giving which is good , but folks expect you to be available and ready to help , taking your time & energy ! Not anymore 🥰💖self love and boundaries .

Maria C absolutely! 💕💪

Same here! Disappointing that my family saw me as another person to use and abuse. They never taught me boundaries because they didn't have boundaries either and it was easier to take from me! All sad, angry, broken and hurt people. I refuse to let that be me!

Yes!! Very well put. This takes practice, just as it would with any new skill we develop. But by saying "no", we are acting on that self-love which is extremely crucial in order for us to have healthy relationships with others.

@@KristinCoaching yes, absolutely! Agree 100% :) Sending good vibes !

@@ErikaK To you as well Erika :)

Learning how to say no when we feel the need to say no, when we want to say NO. It's about putting ourselves first, respecting ourselves.

I 100% agree. I think a lot of people miss that self-assessment, and don't ask those important questions. At the end of the day, we can't help others at the expense of our own happiness.

@@KristinCoaching Thank you Kristin for your great advice and a great channel which helps so many people.

@@fancyfree8599 Thank you so much! Gonna keep on helping as much as I can.

What universe there is only God

What do you mean the universe? Lol

Same here. First I have to learn how to be and stay in touch with myself, my needs, my feelings, my boundaries while being in contact with somebody else (except my boyfriend). No longer dissociate, leave myself and trying to melt with the other person, anticipate what this person needs, feels and meet their expectations. Only because I fear that rage, isolation and punishment like from my mother (malignant narcissist) even though I went no contact 9 years ago. Working on overcoming combined personality disorder since decades. Even with therapists I'm afraid to speak my truth, to say what I need and what not etc. Writing helps me when I'm not able to verbalize it to the other person. When I'm alone, after a meeting, I can quickly feel what I missed to say, what I didn't feel in the moment due to emotional flashbacks. We can heal. For sure!

Sabrina Marie Castro Its so difficult if you were brought up with a narc mum, I’ve been no contact with mine for two years. If you read Fall & Fall Good by Kit Avocet this deals with exactly what you’re talking about. It’s a true story about a mother daughter narcissist relationship and very enlightening.

@@eleanorde-hayes7760 author and book name seem to be wrong. No search results. Very interested in that book too. Thank you.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1077357990/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_TecoDbSKS2TMF...(link to book.)

@@eleanorde-hayes7760 Bolt21 D Truth hurts. I realized now that the person who deprived me of my emotional needs is my mother. I eventually felt so drained, hungry and thirsty for love. I looked that so desperately outside of my family only to have ended up marrying a man and having three children with who is just like her in many ways. He does not truly love and accept me for who i am and abused me emotionally and physically. I was lost and my life have been a total mess because i do not know i have a self and have not love the self. I am starting to self heal myself right now which is so hard to do. I am so glad i found channels like this and beautiful people herewith who can relate to each other because i found answers to why i am the way i am today. Thank you and i will find time to look and read the book you cited.

He is a beta, he let's you drag him everywhere. What's your Instagram

@@celinamilian Bullshit. He respects his woman and treats her as an equal in the partnership. You might want to try that yourself sometime.

@@celinamilian lol

Aw, you got a good one. 💕

My god I am sitting in my room to rest and I did niot understand why.. I am so exhausted from trying to keep up with everyone’s needs. I literally had to go get a injection from a horrible migraine and came home and took care of my husband and my grandbaby, cause they both needed me and when it hit almost 8pm, I told my husband that I needed to go lay down for the night his response was ugly and angry and selfish cause I feel like I give so much!! I’m tired so angry and I have had enough!

@@valeriechandler8575 ? Some ones playing games and using names to get to me ? I not sure the culprit but I sure i leaving media now. I think it the oldest sister

Sue and Tina need to stop gossip and evil ways....coach gal need to stop manipulating ad play me for a fool..and tea gal. I can't help her if I am left in dark ..I can't read mind s and i was a good friend that she needs to stop turning me in to the bad guy . And perhaps people like sue Haas can relate to song by John Edwards .sunshine go away today ..I am done wth media .hope go. See some people in life. I am not here for your entertainment t and blame games and bully activity won't end till I am gone .I give y'all the gift of time ! And again I sorry for not being there but don't treat me like I was the total bad guy I was not .and god heal the wounded but some of you are pure evil ..Molly. Tina sue .you should be ashamed I never did nothing to you ..try looking g wth in and find your light .not here fir entertainment t any more. And tea gal I sorry your mom hurt you but I don't think she was all bad.shedid raise many kids on her own and. Worked hard .you should be proud you help her and start seeing find too ...many preach but act different behind scene ...narc abuse need to stop I could reveal more truth but wont..and sorry but you pe need

@@valeriechandler8575 you need help sue and Tina .

"No" is a complete sentences.

If you can't fight the urge to answer to a why question, then try replacing any explanations with "Because I said so!" It's a good first step towards not giving any explanations.

Same here

Amen

Don't over think it, just do it

💜💚

A little serendipity for you 😉

I think it's very different for men and women

Yes it all sounds very selfish. For example me and my husband always helped our Son out over 46 years. Never said NO to him because we loved him. We went way & beyond what we really wanted to do, but now we’re older and he doesn’t need us anymore he says NO to us all the time and he doesn’t do it nicely either. I think he’s watching these kind of videos and taking them literally. It’s so hurtful 🥲

If your fear causes you to sabotage your own boundaries and needs...the fear needs to be addressed at the root level. The core wounds and narratives need to be healed and challenged. Then you won’t fall into being bound by fear of what you appear like to anyone else..you instead get to be congruent with what you want and need. Hope it’s going well for you! I no longer care what people think when I say “no”. I know the “yes” to me is worth it & I’m supporting myself.