Shame isn't innate. It's learned! 3:08 Split in psyche - Shame part = shadow/exile - Devil-may-care attitude = ego/protector The exile can get re-triggered till eternity 3:50 Low self-esteem 6:08 Meditation guide: Find the shame part (misinterpretation, criticism, people-pleasing connected part, distractors protecting the shame part) Ask permission: "Would you be okay to step back so I can talk to the other part?" Each part has its own positive part. Acknowledge every part "What would you imagine might happen if you stop doing xyz?" 9:02 Mental blockages indicate a part that's afraid of you making connection with an exile Get curious about the blocks! Determine if it's safe for you to go within "How come you're not letting me connect?" If it's afraid of you getting overwhelmed, acknowledge it, thank it for it The protective part is def referring to a prior time you got overwhelmed. Ask it if it's willing to sideline. If it feels it's too overwhelming for you ie flooding, ask it to step in to help tone it back Tell the shame part you're getting to know, get the emotions it's holding, so ask it to lower the flood (camera lens) so you can listen to it and hear it out 12:30 Concern the shame part will take over the system. Tell the part voicing that concern, that you've got safeguards in place to ensure you're out of the system at the end 13:05 Concern there's not enough Self energy. Ask it how old that part thinks you are, and who you are. Ensure there's no intense agenda part blending with you (gotta flush this shame out!) 14:17 Witnessing, validating will dissolve or prevent trauma from settling in 14:46 Embarrassed part 15:09 Concern you gotta rewrite your whole story 16:27 Concern of identity change. But internal healing gives you the freedom and choice to STILL do those things, but not out of compulsion 17:25 Memories crop up. Sit in them. "What else?" If it's not clear, let the shame part know you want it to be clearer, that you're an adult now, you're here and you're witnessing it all 18:45 Check with any manager part that wants to take it in another direction 18:59 Retrieval safely of a shame part 19:30 "Do you feel I get you the way you need me to?" Be wary of blending, meddling parts 20:20 "How would you like to release this forever? The beliefs, feelings, emotions, memories?" Ask if it's released everything 21:09 Released everything? Is it clear? What other qualities does it need to take on anymore? 21:43 Now what does it want to be in relation to you? Check with it everyday for 21 days. Check if it's unburdened 22:34 Invite all the protectors you took permission from. Thank them for allowing you 23:00 Invite connected parts to tell them this part isn't holding shame anymore. How do they react? Do they wanna relax their roles? Take on newer roles? 24:07 With the unburdening, you may be more detached from future criticism or shaming etc 24:59 Skeptical, doubting parts. Thank it for the skepticism, for keeping you honest 26:38 28:09 Blending can trigger firefighters, the most intense being Suicidal part

I did teachers training and had school experience. A little boy of 8 was behaving a bit what I would call ‘disturbed’. The headmaster was in class and told me to stand him on his table and shame him, then the rest of the class would always do what I said! I wouldn’t t do it and never taught in traditional schools at all, just alternative ones. I’m shame based and last thing I want to do is pass it on to others it’s crippled me in my life. Thank you so much for this teaching 🙌💝

Thank you for making IFS accessible and easy to do at home. This therapy has changed my life in just a short time. I did the meditation in part #3 and experienced a real transformation. Without shame I am ready to live life fully and joyously.

For those considering part 3: My experience was that the meditation is very gradual and doesn't rush at all, and I felt no pressure to go places I wasn't ready to. I felt good afterward and will continue to return to this.

I go to an IFS therapist and i was doing this in my time apart from her, and my protectors- a firefighter that distracts, another that overthinks, one of them didn't let me meet my shamed part!!! I am taking this information to her for my next session. But this helped me see my shamed part and what it was driving, the behaviours, everything. Thank you for your invaluable work Derek! Listening and absorbing your profound wisdom in your videos is just amazing.

@4:00-4:20 "this is what we call low self-esteem"...wow, just the simple explaining of the mechanics thru an IFS lens...I've suffered from low self esteem for as long as I can remember. That it's just burdened exiles holding shame, which are being retriggered, RATHER than some 'inalienable truth about me' is briging me to tears. So much pain, so many lost opportunities I didn't pursue because 'I'm not good enough"...here's hoping continued IFS work can help clear this.

Thank you for your work and generous offerings of your knowledge. I am 62 and have been doing therapies for 30 years and this approach has been so much more productive and amenable to my making changes in my thinking and self understanding. Thank You, thank you, thank you. :)

Tape #3 on shame is well worth the effort it takes to request it. It is an excellent video that directed me to the part that held tremendous amounts of shame. Our conversations led to that part releasing decades old beliefs and shame. Thanks Derek!

I have just experienced part 3 of this series. I felt relaxed, knowing I was in safe hands. I paused the video a lot. Took lots of time. Repeated some parts of the video. The parts were amazing, so courageous. Thank you parts. When I revisited the scene of original shame I was fearful I could not find it. Then I saw it and felt it. It was cool, no emotional temperature. It was clear. I felt clear. Thank you parts, thank you Derek. I

I have completed the part 3 meditation a number of times now and each time have found it a very powerful process. I have found a number of parts of me that are such in those deep, dark places and have heard from them and find much love for them. Each time I feel lighter and like a bit more grace has filtered into my system. Thank you Derek and IFS 🙂🙏❤️

Video 3 was a very powerful meditation for me. This is the most skillful IFS meditation I have heard, and I was with an IFS trained therapist for 4 years. Thank you for providing so much safe container and being a skilled guide to work with parts that can be difficult to just "be with" on the fly. I had a very powerful unburdening and sweet connection through the process in video 3. I definitely paused the video a lot. Got 21 days on the calendar. Me and all my parts say thank you for the integration. Reconnection after unburdening from exiled parts clouded in shame is an incredibly sweet feeling. I hope others that are curious and ready try it out, this really helped me. I did plan ahead and set time aside after listening to the third video earlier in the week to check it out, it's 23 minutes long. I would say video 3 took just over an hour with all the pausing I did.

Life changing / Amazing Videos - Will get results worth thousands dollars of therapy. I have done a lot of self-therapy (successfully) and haven't been able to get this one thing related to shame around poverty when I was growing up. Even tried therapy and that helped flesh things out but I couldn't solve. Doing this only once (I did it over 2 days and repeated the third video twice) helped me make the shift I needed. Please make sure you watch all 3 videos. It will be worth it ! Thank you Derek and I hope everyone finds this as useful and transformative. Please note that Video 3 is the key Video.

I can't do justice to how helpful this series was (especially Part 3). Such a good exercise in organising your thoughts, understanding yourself more and releasing the negatives you're clinging to. You kind of feel like a family counsellor for your mind, and it's so therapeutic to keep returning to check in on how your parts are getting on, which provides a good structure for progress.

This is extremely effective and very tenderly and sincerely presented. Please, listen to the third session. Thank you Derek, thank you.

Around 13:38 really struck a chord, there is nothing I do with out an agenda to do it perfect the first time.

Thank you Derek for this video series on shame. I did #3 today and feel very happy with the results. Before I could get to an exiled part I had to quite a bit of work, over the course of two days, with some of the protective parts as you instructed in the series. I've tried to get to an exiled part before using the IFS framework and just got very sleepy and felt a lot of resistance. The way you structured and narrated the video series is absolutely brilliant, explaining what to expect and to not bypass managers/ protectors. Before watching #3 I felt compelled to raid my daughters room for soft toys to represent the different parts (managers/ firefighters & exiles). With your guidance in video #3, I was able to get an exiled wounded child - (the soft toy that represented that part was a panda bear whos eye got chewed off by a big French Bulldog) and worked through the video pausing often and as long as I needed to. I was able to release shame from this exile and was able to fill up the space afterwards. I see now that there are more parts (managers & firefighters) that carry shame and I will go back to the video and work through them as well. Thank you so much for making and sharing this series, it is much appreciated!

Thank you so much for this. I worked through Part 3 and I am so grateful that I did. I still have skeptical parts so checking in for 21 days will be mandatory for me. I have an IFS therapist, but my impatient part was very much telling me we needed this today. I am glad I listened. I have a meeting in 2 days to meet with those in the email that triggered me. I was previously hiding from them. Now I am looking forward to the meeting.

Love the description of how the protector will minimize others shame in that moment. Thank you. Great series.

I really appreciated the meditation. I am well versed in inner child work but not IFS and the understanding of protectors and firefighters was really illuminating. And the process was so soft and loving, yet powerful. Thank you for doing this.

Thank you for describing this process with such a beautiful clarity! I see my self in such a different light! 🙏🏼💫

This is so validating. Thank you so much for making these videos

I really enjoyed this series. Shame has been a major negative force in my life and haven’t found a way to clear and empower this part. Thank you for giving me a place to go to heal.

I am so grateful for this! Thank you so much for putting it out there! It's amazing what we can do for ourselves with a little guidance.

Very helpful and Derek is a very kind, warm, calming guide. With his quiet narration, much of my fear of undertaking this journey was removed.

This series of three videos is an IFS teaching with guided meditaton/inquiry/journey in part three.The practice brought deep insight into 'parts' of my psyche that have been troubled for ages. For me, awareness and acceptance , release and calm were the results. I did this practice three times over five days. Twice it was very emotional; the third brought awareness of a deeper feeling that I have inherited from my ancestors. It was useful to have the prompts to pause the video when thoughts and feelings arose from the different 'parts' that were noticed. This made the journey feel paced and safe but also facilitated a thorough enquiry into and clarity of the different 'parts'. The changing pictures of nature during the video were grounding and balancing. There is a a recommendation to keep 'checking in' with the rediscovered 'parts' for three weeks afterwards. Thanks and blessings to the author.

Your trainings continue to be my go-to space because you bring it all together so brilliantly

Thank you so much for video 3 Derek! I’ve been working with another group on “shadow” self and was running up against challenges “integrating” one of the shameful aspects that was coming up. Brooke Thomas and her Embodied Together group pointed me here. For anyone on the fence about requesting video 3, don’t be worried. The meditation is roughly 23 minutes long and easy to follow. I recommend pairing this with the support of a local therapist, as Derek recommends. Thanks again for these clear and insightful videos Derek! I will recommend this series to others in my practice.

Thank you Derek . Really helpful explanations and first time hearing it this well communicated . I have just completed video 3 process and encourage all listening to this to explore this process . Really healing . Much appreciated ..

Thank you very much for all the videos. I just did the guided meditation in the part 3 sent via email. I feel wonderful, this is life changing. God bless!

This is INCREDIBLY good stuff. Thank you so much for answering many of the questions I couldn't articulate.

I'd like to comment that I did not do the meditation in part 3 yet, cause I gradually want to approach this matter. My behaviour is most of the time led by a very young protector with self-like qualities. But I do check almost every day inside, and I gain each time more knowledge and understanding for myself. In one of these encounters I met a part who wanted to be invisible. She will sometimes make me forget to breathe. I remember as a child wondering if this could be possible. In this way I got to know a suicidal part of me and asked her if she wants to tell me about her. So she said if she died and be a ghost, she wouldn't have to deal with life and all the struggles any more. Although this idea seems very appealing to me, I travelled a couple of times in the land of all possibilities (dream), and I learned that there are far more dangers out there, cause the feelings we hold become reality at the same time. There is no time and space to put between you and your feeling, which makes it far more difficult to deal with burdens. So this insight may help you to deal with the suicidal part. So I would reinforce that you do the journey when you feel ready and not only firm about healing this, but kind and sure enough to stand by your parts, no matter how much hurt and dirt you find there.

Thank you so much for this series. Deeply thankful 🙏 Your work is profound and I recommend this meditation to those of you who feel guided to go ahead. May all beings be happy and free. 🌞

I found these videos very helpful, including the third one. I will be using it often. I find Derek's meditation cadence and voice to be very nice. Be brave and be healed!

your channel is so helpful Derek. Thank you for all of the work you do : )

Highly recommend meditation in video #3. Very gentle yet powerful practice.

Pure gold, thank you!

This has helped me so much! The guided meditation is one of the most helpful in this part of my journey.

Thank you for this video series. I just finished the 3rd video. The meditation. Wonderful process with beautiful results. Thank you

Thank you so much Derek! You explained the interior process so elegantly and expressively...and the meditation was very powerful. This series of videos is such a gift.

Great video, thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!

First time doing this process I was a bit skeptical, and a little weirded out having a talking within myself like there's no one else but me here, what is supposed to happen i followed it, i felt the emotions, i followed the guidance by the end I feel a lot lighter! amazing stuff i see myself revisiting this everyday

Thank you for sharing this very insightful video on Shame. Your explanations on how one gets burdened with shame were very pratical with the examples in real life repercutions. I felt it wasn't easy but your advices to guide us through the process were very helpful in order to act from the self and step away from the many parts trying to interfere, I too had a sleepy part and one wanting to respond for the part feeling shame. Another one was very triggered and felt danger and heart accelerating. I burried the thoughts and souvenirs... with two other parts on my side supporting me. I chose to swim to release the tensions. I will probably do it again.

Wow. Thank you for this video.

My reluctance is making me realize how truly scared I am of my shame. Or perhaps that fear is a protector warning me away?

Hello :) I've been delving into the amazing IFS methodology for a little over 4 years, countless audiobooks and the like. This part 3 by Derek is as of now THE most valuable resrouce for clearing the foundational shame inside. Its part of my daily ritual after breathwork and I would encourage all to incorporate it into their lives for spreading more love. Thank you very much indeed Derek for the resource(s). All the best // Calle

Such a great video. Wow.

Thank you so much for these videos. I went through all three. I found it very helpful. Derek, you have a way about you and your presentation of this that helps me feel like I’m able to do this safely. IFS is like when we used to think the atom was the smallest particle. Then we discovered subatomic particles. The inner family system is like that. I think I/ we always knew it was there intuitively, but it’s strangeness was frightening (to me). I’m trying to find a local IFS practitioner now.

The meditation in part 3 was very helpful.

excellent and meditation helpful.

Thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thank you!!! Example was really illustrative of how these events can occur. Really helpful video!

wonderful ! i am very interested in the 3rd video 😊

This meditation in video #3 was very helpful for me to connect with a few different events that are connected with shame or feelings of not being good enough. I would not have made the connections if I had not paused the video, as Derek recommends, so I could process at the speed of my system and not be rushed through. I will do this video again a few times as I imagine I will have more to learn around this issue, yet, at the same time, I know that I have found a big root today and will stay connected with that younger part of me to allow the new way of being free of the shame, to take hold. Blessings to you all.

Very clearly explained ..thanks

This is so helpful and transformative... and raw because the "last time I was shamed" was in the last few days. Eep.

Very compelling indeed. I am realizing the complexity of this inter-connected inner family of parts. Also starting to accept that these 'parts' are part of Who I Am, though they are hypnotized and entranced be the early trauma, frozen in time, like the people turned into statues in fairy tales.

This is 💛 for others part 3 the meditation has to be requested in the link found in the MORE / description of this video

Fear of shame I know keeps us from feeling shame, this part that doesn’t feel worth much gets triggered that gets pushed to a corner of the psyche. It will feel that this is who I really am. This is what we call low self esteem, when a shame part constantly gets triggered. Lots of protective parts, important to hold as much as compassion possible, Kid is just trying hard, and out of no where this shame just comes. Some protectors feel We don’t have compassion, and we need to hear everything we need to hear in order and to be consistent.

Loved this series but couldn't find #3. It would be super helpful if the links were in each of the descriptions :)

Lee Harris would love this

Shame may be wrapped up in feelings of not being safe. It's often something that you really don't want to deal with, in therapy or otherwise. Derek gives you a really safe feeling, a safe place you can talk with the parts holding the shame. You don't get that impulse of wanting to be anyplace else. The meditations in Part 3 are the opposite of scary. It is a safe, comfortable place to, as Derek says, "clear" shame.

(MEDITATION - PART 3) It was a very insightful process. What I noticed was that my shame 'came' with me. During the meditation I saw myself as a baby in my mother's womb enveloped with a dark light. I also could see my mom being shamed because of her pregnancy. My parents were too young and their pregnancy hadn't been planned. Is it possible that the shame that I have been carrying comes from my parents? Is it possible that as a fetus I received the message that I was a mistake? I would like to talk, if possible, with a IFS therapist who could help me to release the legacy burdens. In gratitude.

Hi... id like to do part 3... im not too sure how to contact you directly for this??

I would love to have access to the meditation! Is it still unlisted or can I find it somewhere? Thank you so much for this.

I don't find anywhere part 3!!! Can you link me please! 😢

How do I get a link for the third part not sure if I am missing something

The word part must be the word Derek has said more than any other word.

Has part 3 been deleted?