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Should Couples Live together before Marriage?
Living together before marriage, which includes what I call “slick shacking”, is becoming more and more popular as our society becomes more and more skeptical of the institution of marriage.
And so as a result this has led many people including relationship experts to believe that living together before marriage gives the couple the opportunity to “try it before you buy it” so to speak. But, does it really work?
Interestingly the statistics prove otherwise
1. Statistical - Dozens of SECULAR studies have been performed between the 1970s and early 2000s where thousands of couples were carefully observed and they all consistently report the following.
a. One study showed that couples that live together before marriage have a 46% higher likelihood of separating than those who wait to get married.
b. Another study showed that only 60% of couples who live together before marriage will actually get married. And of the remaining 40% who do, 5 out 6 of them will be divorced within 3 years.
c. Higher level of adultery
d. Finally studies show that there is a lower level of sexual satisfaction in their marriages
BUT, the real question that we MUST answer is WHY when it makes so much logical sense to live together (test drive, try before you buy it, etc.) before marriage? One of the reasons why there is a higher likelihood that the relationship will end in divorce is…
2. Sociological
a. Often times a man sees moving in as a more convenient way to get sex and an opportunity to test out the relationship. Whereas women tend to see it as the next step towards marriage. And what happens is over time the couple has made such an investment financially and emotionally that it’s harder to get out than they think and so the couple ends up “sliding, not deciding” into marriage.
b. A second reason is that often times the people who move in together are generally the type of people who have a lower view of the institution of marriage as a whole (SCREEN: “I mean it’s just a piece of paper”) which means they may be more likely to bail when the relationship goes through difficult times.
c. Finally, couples that live together are entering into marriage with a different foundation than those that don’t.
3. Spiritual - What does the Bible have to say about this topic? Well, it really doesn’t say anything directly related to the topic but like many other things there are principles that should guide our decision.
a. Do not be conformed to the world - So when we live together we are living and acting just like the world.
b. Not put ourselves in situations that are sexually tempting - Flee immorality (grk. be a fugitive)
c. Avoid the very appearance of evil - 1 Thess. (see also Eph. 5:3) - So even if you are living together and not having sex it will appear to those looking on that you actually are.
d. Which leads to the final reason why it’s not a good idea and that is the fact that you are sending the message to the world that it is okay to have sex before marriage whether you are or aren’t which could cause others to follow your behavior and stumble into sin.