I have had this my whole life. I have done some EDMR therapy . I use meditation , watercolor painting , walking , read my Bible , yoga or go hiking in nature. These are my tools I use . I grew up on in a toxic environment as the target for my violent father 's rage , then married a narcissistic psychopath I found out when I went to a psychiatrist . I left that life and now trying to find healing each day . I want to Thank you so very much for your channel . It's a Blessing and I will be watching all your videos to help me in my healing process .

I have watched several of your videos now and I'm just in awe. You're the first therapist or person I've seen who "gets it". What I feel like. In one video you talked about how we might not know who we are or how to be happy or how to handle things. How we might have been feeling like that for what seems like our whole life. I cried because I've been saying that, I've said that to so many people. The saying of when you're depressed you miss doing things "you used to enjoy" or whatever it is. I don't know what I "used to enjoy". I'm just saying you're the first person who gets it, gets me and I just ...I don't understand why other people/therapists don't understand or maybe I didn't understand. I don't know. Thanks.

You have just described who I am. I have extreme hyper vigilance and it is absolutely exhausting. Thank you for this video and I look forward to watching more.

Hi All! This is a remake from a TT video and my plan is try to post every day for a bit! I rarely use as much mayo as I have in these last two videos - lol - and I already have about 5 more this week, none of which include mayo and being in the kitchen.. All of which do include, however, my missing nail:). Hope you find these helpful, supportive and validating. xo❤️❤️

Oh my god the early example of “i can’t be sitting down and relaxing” when the parent comes in… 1. I used to go to my room and close my door growing up in order to relax bc i felt i couldn’t relax in front of my mother 2. As a young adult staying with my father, he hates to see me talk on the phone while doing an enjoyable activity. Seeing me too relaxed or “at home” unnerved him to no end.

This is so dead on. I wish I could see you as my therapist. I just had my first baby 3 months ago and I’m having to navigate family members’ insecurities and it feels like I’m expected to choose sides all over again just like it was when I was a kid. I don’t understand why it has to be this way. My boundaries are being ignored and it’s becoming too much. Being a mom has been amazing and I’m a natural, but dealing with everyone else’s psyches about my own son is driving me insane. I won’t let him witness all the drama and hate I did as a kid.

high functioning CSA Survivor: My triggers: people queuing too close, people standing behind me, especially tall men, peoples' behaviour being careless or reckless near me, self-isolation, fake motives, picking up on fake motives/fake concern/feelings of others, narcissism, and narcissistic people, feeling cornered trapped, cruelty, sadism, mocking/humiliating, crowds, people watching me while I'm trying to do things

Thanks so much. Your videos belong to the kindest and most accurate ones I've watched on Cptsd. Your understanding is phenomenal. Best regards.

You describe me perfectly. I never realized what was happening to me then and that I stored all that trauma for almost 42 years…

I used to be very sensitive as a kid and cried often. Now I hardly cry because I was taught that my world can be falling down around me and my emotions still won't matter. When I was 7 I remember being in my mom's car and her and my dad were screaming over the phone about their impending divorce and I started crying and my mom whipped around and screamed at me "what are you crying about?!" And I sobbed that I didn't want them to get divorced and she snapped "well get over it, because it's happening!" And from that point on I mostly stopped showing emotions. When my maternal grandpa died when I was 13 I barely cried because if my emotions didn't matter then, why do they matter now? And I kept hearing how strong I was being and "Silas is our rock". When he died I was holding his hand and I had to go to the office where there was no one and hold in sobs for 30 seconds before pulling myself back together and sitting back beside him. I didn't cry at all during his funeral. When my maternal grandma died 7 years later, in 2020, I had to fake cry, so I didn't look like a monster or get berated for not loving her. This past November my paternal grandpa died. I cried when I asked my boss to get the week off so I could go to the funeral and my sister accused me of fake crying. I didn't I was actually able to cry because my mom wasn't around. Talking about it around my mom, my voice didn't so much as shake. At his funeral, I cried. I cried more for him than both my other grandparents combined. And I feel guilty about it. Because I barely knew him. I can count the amount of times I saw him on one hand.

You just described my life! I'm 62 and during my life I had ALLWAYS thought it was all normal. Good Lord..it's not. I need a therapist. I keep having ex husband nightmares also . No good therapists near me. They all just want to sit and talk. I need a plan to ideas or something. I've to told my story so many times...talking just doesn't help. YOU sound GREAT!

From one healthcare professional to another, I wanted to just say thank you for sharing so much of yourself with everyone. It takes a special kind of person to be able to share their vulnerabilities and wisdom in the way that you do with the world - you are providing people with tools, language, and understanding to be able to work through their own traumas, and I’ve personally found your videos invaluable. The best kind of binge watching! I don’t often write comments, but I felt compelled to because your stories and energy has been very healing for me as I find myself finally processing a lot of my earlier childhood at a later stage in life - nearly 20 years after I began my medical training. As someone very highly functional through tremendous amounts of trauma, it’s been so easy for people to not think I’ve had any hardships in life… but truly, it’s because I’ve learned so well how to hide things, because that was what was asked and forced upon me, and it became a survival mechanism and tactic. Though, there’s only so long one can hold a lot of these unresolved wounds before they appear in more pronounced hyper vigilance cycles and CPTSD that can no longer be ignored, which is what led me to your channel. Thank you for doing what you do, and for taking all the time, energy, thoughtfulness, compassion, and grace to put these videos out for the world. Thank you for making a difference in my life. You are amazing ❤❤❤

Basically what you are saying is; once you are traumatized, you become feral....and the best you can hope for are coping mechanisms. If the trauma or traumas are deep enough, you will never be comfortable in a social environment....just acceptable on the outside.

I’m finding self care is starting to help me. Learning to know that I am safe in certain situations too.

I never understood why I find social situations exhausting, thank you so much for your channel. I'm learning so much about how I got this way. This video is dead on my experience of my childhood and my adult presentation. Trying to connect in relationships yet being terrified to do so. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it's emotionally devastating to work with every day, but the choices are a few for adult children like us. Healing is the path forward and so it's the path I take. Thank you for all your good work.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ If only everyone , who needs it, had Dr. Kim Sage for their therapist!!!!! Her insight and grasp on C-PTSD is unmatched, as is her ability to articulate the emotionality of how it manifests. Her genuine compassion and dedication to help those of us who suffer with it - makes her truly a healer within a profession severely lacking credibility.

I just found you and watched two of your videos on CPTSD and I check all the boxes! Thank you for explaining it so well! 🙏 And thank you for sharing and giving back to the world! And thank you for not falling into the trap of giving a “quick fix”. That was a give away that you are the real deal! 💙 It seems like just coming to awareness is the first step in healing and is healing in itself. Thank you!

Ok…… I couldn’t finish watching your video. You keep describing me. I’ve been this person for decades. I’ve never been anyone else. I’ll try and watch the rest later. This is just a lot right now.

Absolutely love listening to you, and thank you for cooking and chatting like a girlfriend, it's very nurturing and safe. Many Blessings 🙏🌹😘

The social avoidance/hypervigilance was worst when my children were little. I did not know how to parent no matter how much I loved them. I have grief and shame about their childhood.

Thank you once again for such a great video. It has set me on the right course for today. Lots of stuff to get through before I’m healed. It’s day by day. Please know you help me, and I’m sure a lot of people on their healing journey. It is definitely one day at a time. Thank you Dr. Sage. 😎

Hyper vigilance was something I was rewarded for my entire life by my family, never did I realize that avoiding my needs was a bad thing until listening to your channel.

I discovered Pete Walker during lockdown 2020 and his book literally saved my life and now I have found you. Thank you for your channel, you have great empathy, intelligence and understanding. Self care is the most difficult habit to form when a childhood was all trauma, chaos and neglect & just about surviving not thriving. Good habits still feel alien to me.

I’ve only just discovered your channel but it’s resonating so much already. Trauma seems to be something many psychologists don’t understand…but you do. I was impressed when you mentioned maladaptive daydreaming…something I did my whole childhood, and for many years after, to escape the NPD and depressed mother…I am an only child which made it even harder. Thankyou for making sense of the suffering, the aloneness and the shame that so many of us have to deal with on a daily basis. ❤

It feels like you’re being suffocated by everyone else and then within the snap of a finger you feel like you’re suffocating yourself on the inside.

Why the cptsd looks like the high functioning autistic spectrum in women? can you make a video with the differences? ❤

"you are somehow in trouble... Oh let me grab a knife!" A truly brilliant unintended moment ;) Thank you for your videos. I am now starting to understand how twisted my childhood was indeed, despite the absence of classical issues like alcoholism, physical/sexual violence etc., still my mom wounded me a lot.

Jumping at the sound of truck tires on the gravel driveway, having to have all chores done right after school and looking busy when dad came in the door otherwise he could fly into a rage depending on his mood that day... this was childhood.

This is exactly what I needed language for! Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this, it is such a help after a very triggering Mothers Day weekend here in the UK. I feel like your videos are the only ones that just totally make sense and truly help my understanding and healing. Thank you for the healthy lunch inspiration too, delicious! Have a great day Dr Sage ❤️

Wow, you are nailing me. I’m so shocked. 11 minutes in and I’m kinda freaked out.

Cptsd has been a huge part of my life since childhood and I was unaware of it. I just discovered this condition 5 years ago. I had a horrible abusive childhood and I'm trying hard to heal through therapy and researching this topic. Thx 🙏

Your words are soothing…So excited and feel you have given the tools to go forward on this new and exciting journey! Thank you!

Please do one about the confusion in the child when a parent's otherwise healthy values are plugged in to this dynamic. Firstly I have to tell you, this video is wonderful, I can't tell you enough how understood I feel. Also, doing it in the kitchen while you're making something is such a genius touch because it evokes intimate friendship and avoids all possible triggers related to formal environments. At 11:06, you talked about how "we will literally sacrifice our mind, body, and soul to be a different parent, to the point where we lose ourselves completely." That's exactly what my mum was like. Completely untreated, doing her best, but inevitably passing her pain on to me. All parents have beliefs and values about what it means to be a good person. They naturally hope that their children will embrace those values, too. The problem comes when those beliefs plug in to hypervigilance, toxic shame, and all the rest of it. In a way, it would be easier if it was a toxic belief system because then I could just turn my back on it all and start again. But I actually agree with most of the values I was taught, and at every turn in my healing, I have to make sure I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater. For example, being proud is bad. This is a healthy value, but we also need to have healthy self-esteem, and the devil's in the detail. I know enough not to trust the impressions I was left with and to reassess these concepts on my own terms. But I'm afraid of swinging too much the other way, and I'm not always sure where that fear's coming from. Because, truthfully, I'm still trying to work out who I am as well.

This didn’t’ work for me. This was confusing with cooking and talking about CPTSD at the same time. I like youre KZfaq very well.

Literally everything you listed resonated so deeply, it’s incredible. I clicked on this out of curiosity, not realizing just how relevant it would be. Thank you ❤

I really needed to watch this today. It makes me so sad to know this is me. I do appreciate the content.

It's insane how accurately and detailed your descriptions resonate with my experience of life!!!!

This video was eye-opening and reassuring. Thank you for the reminder that healing takes time, and to give myself grace.

I just lost a KZfaq community where I was a major leader (and I'm still very much loved) in part because my hypervigilance/outside-in mentality was exhausting the content creator at the head of the community. It's such an existentially devastating blow when outside-in hypervigilance pushes people away. It feels like caring about people is just going to hurt them eventually, and that's an awful place to be in. Put another way, you accurately named and described a big issue in my life. Oof. But it's an oof of gratitude.

FINALLY!! I'm hearing more of what I NEED TO HEAR!❤🙏❣️😿

Brilliant Delivery. Thank you for speaking to us.

I've been listening to news talk radio since I was a kid. I didn't know exactly what they were talking about I'm sure. But thinking back, it was a voice. And that voice wasn't yelling at me or berating me or blaming me. It was just a voice. I listen to news talk podcasts and KZfaq to this day.

I loved this made me feel real and more relatable. I loved the feeling of sensiritty

A cooking show AND therapy lessons??? HELL YES.

Ok, So My Dad treated me Horribly growing up and my Mom, when I was 7, Lied to the League about my sex, so that I could play T-Ball and once they found out I was a Girl, they kicked me off the team. I had NO Say in this, No Choice, NO VOICE and I was Humiliated and Experinced a LOT of Trauma and Shame, as a Result of my Mom's Ridiculous decision to do this to me! It made me question my Gender and Who I was..it has stayed with me my Whole Life and it is ONLY by the GRACE of THE LORD that I have been able to heal but I DEF have CPTSD and feel the effects of that even now that I am much Older!!! I suffer from ALL the Things that you talk about in this video, It has been HELL for me and Parents have NO Idea How much the HORRIBLE things they Do to their Children HURT Them and that Hurt lives on for their WHOLE Lives!

This is good. A condensed description of what trauma robs us of. And it's a primal, embodied, felt sense of being good enough without any effort. This basic, primal sense of safety, of decency, of belonging to the human race and to life is taken away. We need a visceral, embodied sense of self worth that gives rise to our cognitive sense of value. Without that we feel shame about who we are and that shame holds the self hostige. All this results in an inability to create safety and value on our own. It makes it hard to feel safe with other people because we are constantly in a state of defense. My own trauma caused permanent dysregulation that makes normal living impossible. My subcortical brain is incapable of giving me a stable, grounded sense of self and safety which compromises me socially and relationally. Poli-vagal theory talks about that. We need safety to engage socially and to be relational ,and being relational makes us safe. Connection is safety. As children we need to bond to the external other or we don't survive. I constantly experience "unnecessary" hyperactivation in the body - being constantly triggered into a flight response is exhausting to the body. Everything becomes about less pain, not aliveness, not connection. I know it is not my fault. I did not sign up for it. I also know that the only way to gradually heal trauma is to recognise it as a necessary adaptation to the lack of a safe attachment to my deregulated parents. The depth of pain requires a corresponding or a greater depth of connection, safety and tenderness. These need to be hard wired into our nervous systems through a whole hearted, whole bodied experience in the presence of a compassionate, loving witness.

This video is incredible. I can't believe how much I relate to EVERYTHING you've said...except the cooking. 😂 I'd rather someone else make that for me because what you're fixing sounds delicious! But the description of feelings and why and hypervigilance and triggers...it's just like you've known me all my life. I'm in therapy. But I see now that I need additional therapies. It's better, but it's apparently not going to be quick. However, it's been a lifelong thing so I can't expect to "cure" myself in a few sessions! Thank you for the insight! I just subscribed and really glad I "stumbled" upon your video.

I finally understand myself better. Praise God for the intelligence, insight, and heart he inspired you to share.

Oh my. Is there a hidden tap in my house? Lol I was just telling my husband how I wanted to start a group of emotionally available beings and have everyone bring a healthy new recipe to sample, play kind games that make us laugh. That is truly surrounding ourselves with nourishing community. This is the path to healing for us perhaps?

Omg, you described my childhood/young adulthood with my uBPD mom. And the social anxiety and hyper vigilance. Omnipresent. You hit the nail on the head. Your format is fantastic and you truly get it. Bless you for making these videos. ❤

I am incredibly grateful to you and you sharing these videos on CPTSD. They are helping me so much in addition to my therapy with my therapist. So much of me understanding myself and facing the pain of my childhood was done on my own. It's affirming to hear the things you share and realize I was on target.

Thank you so much for this!! I have never heard it explained so perfectly. It’s difficult to put into words when you want someone to understand why you are the way you are. Now I can just show them this video!

Awesome! 🤟💯very intelligent. These are helpful. All things considered, from the video. We both have all those symptoms. We both (partner and I) both have hyper vigilance. The one thing that sorta scares me about it is when we find our own behavior being way too hard. Because of being on edge, awkward, shameful, and avoidance. Anxiety. It feels like we can’t trust anyone. You simply wanna avoid/stay away from, staid clear and leave anywhere that feels like it might get heated. We watch, we look, we lurk, we hear everything. It’s like having a super power yet detracts from relaxation and enjoyment. 😢to me PTSD CTPTSD are doable if we get the education. Without knowledge of it, we could be reacting like I said WAY TOO HARD. ☺️👈🏻💯

I am 7 months late to this but this video is such a blessing

Had a bad week very triggered. What you said is very helpful. Subscribing. Didn't mind at all the cooking in there. Its basic self care. A reminder to eat simple healthy meals.

I love this new format ❤

Yes, with my father I definitely walked on eggshells - and that resulted in disorganized attachment - because I never knew, if my father would explode into rage from one moment to the other. (As he suffered from soviet trauma and most definitely had some form of untreated Post traumatic Stress Injury)

Everything you said describes me exactly, i cope with video games. I mostly cut my mother out of my life, but really want to totally after how she affected me as an adult. I even have bone loss in my jaw from gritting teeth, thankfully that isnt too bad. I met a great woman in another country, i want to meet her so much. The anxiety and hypervigilance, i dont know i can deal with it more so a larger city. Im so worn dow in life, i cured myself of people pleasing.

You’re amazing Kim. I need to hear this. ♥️

Thanks so much for this. It's liberating and exciting to me to have a name to put on this behavior and thought patterning. I feel like I now have a better chance at working with it. You mentioned inner child work, so I will start there.

I am glad I found yor channel. Thank you for your videos, they help me a lot. What you are describing here is me. 😮 I am 60, and I felt different since I can remember. And only recently I found out that I am highly sensitive and, according to tests, a tiny bit on the autistic spectrum, but not much. But Childhood CPTSD puts it all together. I am on an exciting journey to myself. For me, it is so important to know WHY I feel the way I am feeling. For me, this is the first step to my inner healing.

What a blessing you’re being to so many of us who share your experiences from having childhood ptsd. Thank you for sharing your training, therapeutic experience and personal story. Most of all I love how you exemplified self-soothing as you make your favorite chicken salad recipe ❤️.

Thank you, i enjoyed your cooking and im so pleased i have found your help.

Every single video it’s like your speaking my thoughts my experiences .. and it’s so hard to know this is the reality but also helpful to know others have this same pattern

I have found your videos so affirming, so validating, so enlightening. I finally have answers and feel like it's not all been Me my whole life. Thank you. I'm crying as I type this. Wow. 😳 3+++ paradigm shifts...adhd last Summer now This. & the reason I mentioned that is The people that really enjoy your multi-tasking videos canNOT be adhd because my mind on this cooking-talking video is like one of those spinning, sparky, whistling fireworks 😵‍💫🎆🎇🌀

You are describing me to a T. It's unbelievable, you get it!! So happy I found your channel.

This is such a great video❤😢so relatable!

Everything you explain describes me to a T that I could never explain to people I just know I don’t fit in

Wow! This is so completely me. I swear it’s like you know my life. I’m so glad I found your channel

Hey I love your channel it's not just the amazing information you provid it's also the kindness that one can feel by just watching you talk. Can you please make a video explaining why we with C-PTSD hate your body's and feel really uncomfortable in it? Thank you. Have a blessed day. Your are definitely a blessing to all of us.

I mean I know the universe brought me here! I got re traumatized 3 years ago and have been struggling ever since. This is me to a T!!! I feel like someone knows what im going through since I have watched this. I said yes to everything you have said in the video! I wish I could see you in person.....finally someone who understands.

Speechless

Thank you so much for sharing this

being an HSP with parents that went through it, haunts me. i cant even feel sorry for myself bc they had it worse.

Thank you Kim🙏. These explanations are extremely helpful, as I'm beginning to wade through these topics. Having this video along with cooking was brilliant! It reminded me of how much I truly enjoy cooking good nourishing foods. With how daunting healing work can be, adding bits of fun along the way keeps one foot in front of the other. Thanks again!

Love this video format!

Being hyper vigilant is absolutely exhausting. I can totally relate to almost everything you’ve said. I’m 60 years old and have lived with CPTSD since I was a very young child. I’m glad I found your channel. ❤

Love you, kim

You're food sounds good! Great info as well.

I just found you!!! This video describes me and now I'm subscribed to you! Thank you!!!

Wow. Checklist for me. Oldest of 3. And very successful, workaholic, gay Hollywood publicist. Now dealing w loss of vision in left eye after an accident last Nov. / upcoming cornea replacement. Really needed to hear your series of vids. I am going to find a trauma therapist in ATL.

Thank you. I believe this can come from adult experiences as well. As an adoptee I probably am vulnerable to this, but feel it was really triggered by my long-term exposure to a spouse with high-functioning ASD. The hot-cold treatment & mind blindness can be devastating over time, especially if there is no practical escape. I basically functioned & depleted myself to shield my daughters, but otherwise completely withdrew for protection & recharging. It has now become a way of life. And since it is an almost invisible dynamic, there is no way to communicate to others about it. I feel I can’t be real & relate to anyone around me, so it’s easier to remain isolated.

Wow, that’s incredible description on what’s going on on the inside. For many years I was convinced this is just my social anxiety but clearly its much more. What do we do to help ourselves? Is there any steps we can take to ease that stress, be more in control when doing the work without professional help?

Hi! I find your videos so very helpful, and I’ve been watching most of the "experts" on these kinds of subjects. But your info. is so much on point, and you put words on so many things that I’ve always felt but haven’t heard anyone talk about earlier. Really valuable. Also appreciate your energy and realness, and the way you describe things makes it uniquely easy to understand. One can tell that you know what you’re talking about, and you seem to recognize the subtitle details and see them for what it is. Thank you! I will watch all of your videos🙏🏽🌸🤗

I appreciate this video so much and identify with just about everything you said. Only as feedback for you and info for me about me, having you do side trails like cooking, make it hard for me to follow you and felt like it was a break in concentration and understanding each time you broke away to talk about the recipe (which sounds delish). Thank you for posting these videos.

Thanks so much for this so spot on its unbelievable and validating ❤

Really get so much from your explanations. Thank you so much. It's life changing. ❤

I love your videos so much!! They've really helped me understand myself and give myself the compassion I deserve. ❤❤

thank you Dr Kim for these videos of information, support and the tools that you can use.

Like Scarlett Ohara said "There's always another day!"

Just fabulous. From start to finish 😍

I wanted to hear so badly all of this bc its making me feel valid. BUT I CANNOT CONCENTRATE 😢

Okay, THANK YOU!! Read, listen, think, learn, practice. So, I *have* been taking the right steps to try and sort this out. I kept thinking there had to be more, but I am making progress, so, I guess I'm okay.

Your videos and experiences definitely resonate. Thank you for the info.

I love your content andbthe way you explain things; very, very clear. It's really chill that you're cooking while you talk. I would suggest though that once you start the discussion you don't interrupt to tell us which ingredient you are manipulating because it's quite distracting.

your channel is suuch a vibe! love!

This one hit home 😢 all of it resonated. Thank you so much ❤️

So this video describes me so well, yet the struggle that I have is how to stop being hypervigilant in all of my relationships. My hypervigilance makes me so controlling with my husband, my children, and my friends. I absolutely hate how controlling I can be because it causes me more internal stress and the only reasons why I get controlling is because A) I have PMDD and two weeks out of the month everything feels out of control emotionally, and B) I also try to control things through my hypervigilance, so I feel safe. What do I do to heal from this?

This is so helpful! Thank you for your help in the journey!