SMART Contact or No Contact: Does Either Actually Work?

Рет қаралды 16,535

2 жыл бұрын

SMART CONTACT OR NO CONTACT: DOES EITHER ACTUALLY WORK?
In this video, I am going to show you why playing out either no contact, or SMART contact, may not be the best idea if you are trying to save your relationship.
Now, I realize that I am making some bold claims here, so in this video, I am going to just state the facts of either approaches and let you decide if either doing no contact or SMART contact is a good idea for you.
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Пікірлер: 62

@GeoffreySetiawan 3 жыл бұрын

Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🗣 Join the FB Group! -> facebook.com/groups/1032426806961329/ 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! kzfaq.info/sun/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

@chrishart1728 2 жыл бұрын

Very good. Im working on myself not just to improve my relationship with my wife... But with everyone! Work . social ect .

@KeithCanisius Жыл бұрын

I tried smart contact for some weeks. We live together with 2 kids. I got some reactions. She seemed to be curious and also got angry/upset one night why we didnt talk anymore. Im 1 week into emotional safety strategy now and she is starting to feel more safe. Talking about things a work, that can be difficult ect. But no relationship talk.. So 4 weeks now since Break Up. Still confused what works best. But its a LTR so Geoffrey got me convinced on Emotional Safety.. Also because I think we missed this in some degree plus some passiv behaviour from me regarding important actions.

@user-qu8xv7uu8b 4 ай бұрын

I like you because you chose to say “partner “ instead of “ex”. It’s so painful to call someone we love an ‘ex’ when in your heart that person is present.

@shirazally6193 2 жыл бұрын

You're an ABSOLUTE EXPERT!! I agree totally . All about INTERPRETATIONS!

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

Shiraz ally, so true. All about the interpretations!

@OmnivoreMacrophage 2 жыл бұрын

I have followed your work and watched your videos for 6 months, and these are absolutely gold. I'm currently at the point where this limited contact is important, and I'm happy to hear that so far, it appears I'm doing all the right things (contrasting 6 months ago when I was manipulative, controlling and needy, AKA all the wrong things). So thank you again for yet another great video Geoffrey. You're an inspiration, and has taught me much.

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

OmnivoreMacophage, I love hearing this. This is greatest compliment someone can ever give me is to take my advice and begin to turn their life around. If you keep watching, I'll keep publishing. Lol.

@OmnivoreMacrophage 2 жыл бұрын

@@ahrukin3794 For one, I am not going to spend money I don't have. And whatever experience you may have had with Mr. Setiawan, it is not my experience so far. Sure, he once "scolded" me in the Facebook group. But for a good reason. He told me "If these are the questions you are asking, your understanding of the principles is extremely low." I got upset and angry, took a deep breath, thought about what he was saying, and came to understand my errors, and corrected them, so I didn't need to ask more stupid questions. I don't know about your case specifically, but I find it believable that the fault may not have been with Geoffrey. You can't teach a man who doesn't want to learn. And you can learn more than enough from the free videos, so I appreciate those.

@OmnivoreMacrophage 2 жыл бұрын

@@GeoffreySetiawan I will keep watching, I promise. I am dedicated to go all the way. I am highly active on your Facebook page, where I have been applauded for my progress so far, even by admins. I'm already so much of a changed man, that I can't even recognize myself when I look at my old self. I have come a long way as a person, and you are one of the people who have moved me the most. So thank you. Even if I don't earn her love and trust, I will still be thankful for the impact you've had on my life as a person.

@OmnivoreMacrophage 2 жыл бұрын

@@ahrukin3794 I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't know how to PM on KZfaq, but I would like to see this email exchange, to see the case from both sides. There's no benefit to it on either behalf, since I wasn't going to pay for the course anyway, because I don't have the financial stability for that. But I would like to see this case, and form my own opinion.

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

@@OmnivoreMacrophage I would love to send you our email exchange :) Feel free to email me at geoffrey@relationshipsmastered.com!

@S1lverspike 4 ай бұрын

Basically you have to make true changes to avoid the strong confirmation baised she has. You cannot reflect and go into her negative frame. Sometimes you may need to contact sometimes you may not. Leave the door open for her but also don’t be afraid to reach out when the time is right. I learned this about my wife and our 10 year relationship. If I say nothing she begins to thing I don’t care if I do contact she may act like I’m smothering her. I just kinda let it flow naturally as I make changes and she beings to open up. Then she puts her wall back up to test. Safety takes time to build and you cannot do it by ignoring her or only waiting until she reaches out to you.

@jannadav1604 2 жыл бұрын

Marriage Helper set me back and added to a victim mindset. Geoffrey set me on my life's course.

@ZBrink11 Жыл бұрын

What exactly did you do that turned things around from MH's advice?

@matthews64 2 жыл бұрын

She decided to break up one day with no prior argument or fights. She said I was not talking to her "enough" lately and blamed me for being distant. But the thing is I did talk to her all the time but she ignored me, a good morning message sent at 8am was only replied at 6pm (she claimed she was busy at work but I see her posting IG story throughout the day). I naturally felt discouraged and talked to her "less" as it felt like I was talking to a wall. When she replied, she expects me to reply within an hour or so. It's been a week of NC and I am not sure what I should do.

@nerdkink 2 жыл бұрын

Would love a answer to this.

@pvtruestmusic 2 жыл бұрын

Update?

@marcusmaynard1526 2 ай бұрын

Idk man, if that’s the kind of person you’re dating then you deserve better. I feel like this more helpful for someone who once treated you great and lost passion over time.

@Rbear266 2 жыл бұрын

What type of contact is left. Then any contact becomes you trying to control the situation and not respecting their wishes… I am at the point personally now where I know what I did wrong I know I will fight tooth and nail, and I know I have full on started my transition into the new me. But part of that is letting go of control and just go with the flow when she is ready. And respect what her wishes are at the end of the day

@Rbear266 2 жыл бұрын

It is situation to situation because I made the mistake of being too pushy to initiate, and all she really wanted was some time and I’m sure she would have initiated but no I had to control the situation I had to push and push

@sergiomarrtinez 2 жыл бұрын

This is the exact predicament I am internally struggling with. I want to respect her request for space while she explores a new relationship and continue to work on myself in the meantime. But if she has a negative confirmation bias towards me then no contact may not work unless I show her that I now understand what I did wrong and why she doesn't trust me at the moment.

@Rbear266 2 жыл бұрын

@@sergiomarrtinez dude trust me if you had a good relationship. Chill back don’t worry about it. Make yourself better. I just met with my girl last weekend after a month of break. She decided to end it. I did what Geoffrey kind of taught us. And now she went back to school and keep texting me stuff about how she just want me to be proud of her etc etc she needs clarity. I don’t know what’s going on but I do know I am more at peace. What ever happens happens. If she comes back in time before my feeling fade cool if not it is what it is. Nothing more we can do at this point except better ourselves

@sergiomarrtinez 2 жыл бұрын

@@Rbear266 Thanks for the advice man, I think you're right in terms of letting her come to me at this point. Especially after me begging and pleading to her shortly after. Hope all works in your favor as well.

@Rbear266 2 жыл бұрын

@@sergiomarrtinez no problem man and I also like coach Lee as well for some of this stuff although Geoffrey is definitely for long term and mature relationships. Good luck bro

@barbarabrooks4747 Жыл бұрын

Many spouses have a personality or psych disorder. SMART contact may result in getting the partner into a counselors office. Many people suffer from adult ADHD, OCD, mild bipolar disorder or some other serious problem, resulting in severe life problems and marital breakdown. Neurofeedback, medication and counseling may all be necessary to allow the other person to cope with life's problems. The more healthy partner naturally becomes angry when there are debts or emotional outbursts. Then the unwell partner withdraws and doesn't want to deal with the problems and withdraws.

@sergiomarrtinez 2 жыл бұрын

This is a great approach but what about the case when she is seeing someone else and won't respond and has asked for space? In some videos you emphasize how important giving that space is but then here is kind of countering that mentality. I guess the question would be, how long should you give her space without it being considered "indefinite no contact"

@RossBayCult Жыл бұрын

Great question. Let’s see if he directly answers the question

@MrOmar2025 Жыл бұрын

Even tho no contact is hard for me and I wanna text my wife now But when she ignores like 100 messages and ignores every call even when I ask her to give me the email address for work so that I can work again and I lost my job because of that I need to stop texting trust me I want to text her but I know I won’t get anywhere

@samuelsalazar9704 Жыл бұрын

We dated for 2 years do you think I should do no contact

@Jrod110 Жыл бұрын

Wish I would’ve seen this last month 😔🤦🏻‍♂️

@comradeking4427 4 ай бұрын

Could you reply to Rbears comment on this video? I struggle with the same problem as him

@marcosespinoza4415 2 жыл бұрын

You are Cool!!! Always in a Good Mood

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

Thank my man. Thank you for the support.

@tnxdot2565 2 жыл бұрын

Alright, coach Thanks. but I a now confused. My partner broke up with me because she wants to find herself and she feels stuck right now. I know I was needy and insecure when she started to move to the US. I am aware of that. She is in pain right now. I want to honor the space that she needs however at the same time I want to check her out because I know at this time, she needs comfort but she is not allowing me to do that. I'm in 4 days no contact of her. Any advice guys?

@tnxdot2565 2 жыл бұрын

How am i gonna approach this kind of situation and how am I gonna approach her in a way that I am not invading the space that she asked me to?

@Embrrzz Жыл бұрын

How's it going.. what did u do and end up happening

@calebwade2834 6 ай бұрын

How about when you dated ten years and now are blocked? Number change etc

@joecrocket7873 2 жыл бұрын

This was totally confusing to me

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

I think that's something you need to pay attention to. If this is confusing to you, perhaps that is precisely why you may be struggling in the first place. The hardest part about mastering relationships is mastering the middle ground and mastering the complex multi-natured layers of it. This is actually a very simple video, and if this seems complex, it could signal that your knowledge of the principles could be lacking. Feel free to take a look at my client stories and the massive success they get when they embrace this stuff: kzfaq.info/sun/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

@jeramypowell3991 Жыл бұрын

This video seems to contradic all the others I've watched from you Geoffrey. I have reached out, admitted fault, left door open, balls in her court, and haven't talked in few weeks. Am I understanding the no contact wrong? In past videos it's mentioned to leave door open, be open to communication, then do nothing, make it her choice to come back, communicate whens she's ready.

@GeoffreySetiawan Жыл бұрын

"In past videos it's mentioned to leave door open, be open to communication, then do NOTHING, make it her choice to come back, communicate whens she's ready." Please tell me when I said this :) I don't think I've said this. I've always been a proponent that while you leave the door open, you actually have to do some real, deep and genuine changes in the meantime. I've never said do nothing. And i've always said that if your partner is not coming back to you, and you think you've made the changes, the your idea of "changes" may be very flawed.

@jeramypowell3991 Жыл бұрын

@@GeoffreySetiawan real, deep, and genuine changes is for self growth, doesn't mean reaching out.. message has been sent that door is open, it is up to her to communicate, being on her terms as you say.

@jeramypowell3991 Жыл бұрын

@@GeoffreySetiawan the term do "nothing" is me saying working on yourself, not being needy, and reaching out after the door is open is what I meant.

@GeoffreySetiawan Жыл бұрын

@@jeramypowell3991 Not quite - I can see you have not watch those interviews that I told you to watch. When you make "real, deep, and genuine changes", you will naturally also learn the skills to surgically start campaigns and conversations in a balanced way.

@GeoffreySetiawan Жыл бұрын

Watch those interviews please :)

@deepeshdhanji671 2 жыл бұрын

hey Geoffrey i wanna ask you my partner talk to me now and then but now today she told me she feels uncomfortable speaking to me and she doesnt wanna feel that any more so she wont be able to that any longer as im going through some big things and as she cares for me thats the only reason why she's speaking to me so i really dont know how to get her feel comfortable to talk to me ?

@GeoffreySetiawan 2 жыл бұрын

Hi deepesh dhanji, This is quite common and something I find many of my clients facing. Please check out my free 90 min master class to learn why this is happening. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass