That’s the whole point of the song choice.

@@joyceak9064 Yes, and they like it

@@TomoyoTatar too bad

@@TomoyoTatar Go cry about it

timestamp?

Exactly!!!

this! abuse can come in many forms! and also, guys can also be victims of abuse too anyone, really

Same! My sister in law is toxic as hell.

TRUUUUUE!!! True!

I've seen this in family and relationships. Mainly because these are people you expect to see on an almost daily basis. Same goes for work. I don't think they applies for friendships as well. There is the fear of drifting apart, but I struggle to see how anyone would be that terribly lonely

@@dandavid2027 please point out where I said or implied that.

​@@dandavid2027 The fact that it happens to a lot of people doesn't make it not hurt. But thanks for showing everyone how the person doing that yelling thinks.

@@dandavid2027 You say that like abuse survivors don't live in the real world. They do. You just have the luxury of not living in theirs.

Omg I feel that 100% with my father

Same. Happened with my dad, and then my ex.

Omggg yes. So true. So fucking true.

ok but why would u date a loser in the first place... girlllll ur standards are literally non existent

More like over-protective to the point of abuse over the fear of losing love one

Gotta watch out for male feminist allies - best bet is a nice conservative guy who still believes in chivalry.

@@alex29443 what?

We're glad the message resonated with you! It's definitely true that a relationship looks different to those inside it. For more information on how this manifests in dating abuse, you can visit our website, dayoneny.org.

@@asideclaro Are you victim blaming right now?

​@@asideclaro the problem is that more often than not saying 'enough' is, well... not enough. a lot of the time its extremely hard to get out of abusive relationships mostly because your abuser basically traps you in the relationship and makes you feel like leaving them and trying to escape in any way, shape or form is going to have grave consequences. it's extremely hard to say 'no' or 'enough' because you're AFRAID of how your abuser is going to react, possibly making the situation even worse. it took me several months to muster up the courage to finally break up with my emotionally abusive ex, and even after i did it he tried guilt tripping me into thinking i did something bad. you CAN stop it, yes, but it's not nearly as easy as some people say it is.

@@annabaeee it took me months to finally break up with mine too. three years on hes still a cretin. you should elaborate more on how you reached that point. saying "enough" is the answer and IS possible but its a process to get there.more so if you live with that person(i didnt but got the text abuse) you have to be smart as well as strong to stay safe

@@asideclaro i think you missed the point of this whole video.

EX? Good, i hope her be happy now

My friend said the EXACT same thing about her ex abusive boyfriend... I never did succeed in fully convincing her to move on from him.

I can relate

@@DivineDefect What do you mean at least they’re broken up? (Sometimes ab@se does that to people.)

@@skylarthompson299 At the time they were going out, she constantly spoke about how she knew he was bad for her but "he can be so romantic and sweet sometimes" literally the exact same words as op's comment! I constantly tried to convince her to leave him but in the end he broke up with her and she feels like without a relationship she = nothing. She constantly talks about him even though months have passed and they haven't spoken.

What is love bombing?

@@Rinesmyth when someone gives you a ton of love, gifts, support, etc. for a short period of time, lets say a week or so, and then completely abandons you as if they never showed that love to you in the first place. the large amounts of love coming and going suddenly is why this is referred to as a 'bomb.' it's a way people manipulate their significant others, to leave their partner thinking they themselves did something wrong and that they are the problem and they need to change, stuff like that to have more control over the person in general

While I haven't experienced it myself, I've heard that love bombing is a cult tactic, too. When you first visit their church (or wherever they are), they act super friendly and stuff to get you to join them.

​@@Rinesmyth "you can't drag someone into abusive relationship for you if you don't make them love you first!" Then they pull the carpet out of your feet and blames you for it. "See how nice I could be if you just keep my mood up, but noo you just had to show that you have your own needs and wants that I should also consider. See where that gets you, a meaner me. You know how good I _can_ be when I love bombed you, so don't oppose me and I might turn into being like that again someday! sometimes!"

I used to feel very bad when I used to wish he would just hit me and get it over with.

This is why I am not ready for a relationship yet. As an individual with autism, social skills are a huge struggle for me.

i noticed that too!!!! good catch!

Because we make the mistake of thinking that only physical or sexual abuse counts. Abuse is at first verbal and psychological. You feel like your soul is being eaten away by your abuser and think it's all just in your head.

Um I'm a girl but like guys are affected by these things too... it shouldn't be a boy girl thing abuse is abuse.

@@yourlefttoe8365 i'm not saying it's just a boy girl thing

Yep. They use this tactic to keep you in the relationship. Because they will go from being nice, kind, and sensitive. To being rude, obnoxious, and controlling. They will be kind once they see you are trying to walk away from them.

No entendí ni mega Inglés ¿¿¿

Yeah just like geo the "bullies" in media are always preppy girls but then there's plenty of toxic goths/tomboy women

Yes please! Masculinity is *not* toxic!

Yeah, my first cheated twice then gaslit me the. Coerced me into a threesome with some person who I wasn’t into and wasn’t into me. We also hadn’t discussed an open relationship of any sort. He turned out to start using the n word 2 years into dating, I left soon after that.

True story!

@@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow Sexual coercion wasn't enough for you, it was because he used the n word Lol

My mom often says in conversations about this, "First time a man calls me a b*tch, or lays a hand on me, I'm done. No second chances. I don't see what's so hard about that"..... She and so many other people don't realize it takes a while before it even gets to that point. By the time you're there, you're left with no way out.

@@MizukiUkitake trigger warning for SA Yeah my abuser never hit me once until after we broke up! The signs of his emotional abuse showed up 6 months into dating and once he started calling me "crazy" and asking me if I took my medication whenever I had a complaint I left IMMEDIATELY. I knew what abuse looked like and I wasnt scared to tell him "its over" the moment I realized who he was. Sadly, that is not always enough and most abusers kill/assault their victims AFTER the relationship has ended (which I wish I knew sooner). After we broke up I still lived with him for a short while due to being financially trapped and that is when the abuse got really bad. He drove all of my friends away, hit me, and finally during my last month in the home he raped me as well.

Such a good observation, rings close to home for me as well, though I didn't notice it

So right!

I didn't really see it that way, it seemed to me that her running down those steps was her willfully choosing the "downward slope of depression" from joy and happiness that came from her independent freedoms as an individual. Once you don't have the freedom of choice, your perception of life gets darker

@@dillasoul2228 ikr, I’d blame the girl as much as the guy because she’s an independent woman and can be one despite being in a toxic relationship like that and it’s in her hands. It’s not like he’s holding her captive or anything, but yeah the guy character is proper bs obviously

One eyed people see it this way...They see girls in relations as Jesus who's to be worshipped.but she has nothing to compromise... Not even making up to his efforts

@@dr.downvote I know a girl and she is in a kind of toxic relationship just like this. But she is too scared to make a move , even I tried to talk to her but she always brush it off. I can strongly feel the relationship is too toxic and her bf is too scary , trust me even I am afraid of him. I don't know how to get her out of it.

I literally saw nothing wrong until the florist incident...before that I thought just a little vain and passionate about the relationship thus all the toys, messages, dates and coming unannounced as a surprise. Dang...hope nobody gets to meet a guy like that. If I ever do...I m thoroughly done for

I saw the signs immediately with the love bombing. Very toxic trait and common sign of a narcissistic person

@@memorystorage970 I ssaw it with the slefie and the loving bombing it become obvious at the skater incident

very well said! I also saw the signs immediately from the love-bombing phase and that's now simply thanks to experience. Crazy how so many of us went through the same thing whilst being with a narcissist (with NPD)

🖤

Right. Theres many types of abuse, most commonly physical and mental abuse where the person makes you think you are nothing without them.

The way I look at Twilight is a warning to avoid toxic relationships like that. People like to bash Twilight, but really I actually appreciate it as a cautionary tale of a relationship should NOT look like.

That's because fear is a tool.

She is also profoundly emotionally abuse herself. Everyone in those books is a massive piece of shit.

​@@summerrose8110 Well, the issue is they romanticize it, that's why it needs to be criticized. The creator isn't using it as a caution, he/she doesn't see the issue.

How are there more good people than bad people I'm curious

Age, too.

​​@@wafflemation6887 The steps to realizing humanity is more good than bad: 1. Unplug from the news and social media. 2. Open your heart and mind, and 3. Look around you - your friends, family, acquaintances, strangers on the street or in the grocery store. Make a note to yourself every time you see someone being kind - you'd be surprised how quickly that number goes up. 4. Research the things you care about (or just good "causes" in general), and pay attention to how many other people in the world are trying to make things better. And if you still see more bad in people than good, then perhaps consider: 5. Making different choices regarding who you surround yourself with. 6. Making different choices regarding your own mindset, beliefs, inner narratives, etc. How you see the world and the people in it is largely a choice. .....Hope this helped?

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! It's very powerful, and we hope you feel supported and safe. If you need anything, you can always reach out to us.

I had a boyfriend who used to pay for me everything, i was not quite self-sufficient in those years. When he started to be abusive with his public displays of false "unselfishness" our relationship started to fall apart. Later i found a man who was less willing to pay for me. Initially, because of the bad habit to expect others to pay my bills, i distrusted him, but he helped me to be self sufficient and less childish, encouraging and sustaining me in an healthy way. We are now a strong couple of two indipendent people, and touched 9 years of relationship. Feel quite happy.

oh god it is terrifying..

@@DayOneNY What kind of animation is this? It looks like it was rendered in Blender

I too was married to my abuser and had two kids with him. My children and I are survivors, recovering strong together as a unit and achieved alot in fitness studies, and MMA. My kids have autism and that is even hard to cope with as a single parent.

Yes 🥺😢😢

Exactly...

honestly..

Maybe that’s because the world IS terrifying to them personally, and they think they’re just protecting their partner. Everyone here acts like the abuser is fully aware and knows what they’re doing and is being malicious evil people, but not all do. Some people have a misguided view on love, some people who are “abusers” may not think that’s what they are at all. The victim isn’t the only one who can confuse love for abuse. Most abusers come from abusive homes and literally don’t know any better. I hate how much people demonize people who have likely been victims of abuse as well. Abuse is a cycle.

@@realhumanguynotafish ^ Very true! That, and turning to outside help can be hard when outsiders looking in at an abusive relationship can have the potential to victim-blame rather than actually help the abuse victim (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, unfortunately, not). The world can be such a scary place that some abuse victims have felt the rest of the world judging their actions/situation can be just as bad or worse than their abuse. 0_0

I'm glad u ended that!! Take care!💕💕 My ex was also starting to be like that, made scenes in our dates,instead of enjoying them, he acted cold, angry, threw "shit" at me,or if i wasn't doing enough or correctly,when i always told him he could talk to me if there were issues,or have confort in me, he never wanted to tell more than superficial stuff from his life. But always used the dates to spit crap,instead of "normal situations", send offended,or passive agressive with indirects messages when anything wrong was done,or too way sneaky, always blamed me, acted weird, started complaining ab my clothing or wanted me to go x way or whatever,even i told him that i wouldn't,that i would dress the ways i liked and not the ones he said. Asked me a lot ab friends or if i had any "other crush" n shit, couldn't take a no, or that day i didn't want shit with him and like "kinda forced me" but when he saw he was going too far,he always stopped,maybe bc was scared of being reported or sth. He usually forced me to have long long hugs,so instead of love it turned an "obligation",where if i didn't give it,he would be as an annoying fly around me asking me the whys,or forcing. I sometimes even pushed or yelled at him,that wtf, it's supposed to be love hugs, not an obligation. One day i went more "active" xd in kissings crap, and he was surprised,aka offended,bc he was off of guard,or wasn't he the "male" asking for them, so I went... -But don't u like kisses? Why u act those ways? And he answered quite passive agressive some shit as : -Weird,u never "want" (remember it turned obligation bc was an annoyance so i wasn't liking him that much at that time already) and yes today? Ur always so weird, but... well whatever I won't complain tho,but remember u were the one kissy person today And i went (wtf????,Why that answer?? Wth) Also hated be in photos,drawed or be shared with friends, since i draw good(animated) i wanted to do one together (when we were still ok) and he acted so weird,as if he was a criminal and me a police doing his face sketch. If you're a good person why should you be scared of appear in photos or drawins!? Also asked me to not report him as abuser or sth, even when we were "ok"? What kind of questions are those?why should you worry if ur supposed to be a good guy? Started to talk ab sex when just being 2 weeks together,and doing creepy married life plans,or like, putting minimum relationship time (minimum 3 yrs in being together) when i told him that we would be together the time it passed,a lot,or just a few,but not put that minimum range,that was creepy. I'm asexual apart from bi,so i told him and even he said "ok",the fact couldn't have that sex for me annoyed him. He was mad bc couldn't lose virginity with me And me like...but u said u don't like me that way or that u could wait,that wasn't urgent. Now ur interested? Wth. What he wanted is to fuck and say he wasn't anymore bc some of his friends did it already. He also had the balls to say that he didn't like me bc my appearance,he liked me bc my personality. And i thought...ur not also prince charming,my guy. U have also a lot to be disliked too. Who says to his couple that is ugly?...(In some ways he said it...?) He said that if my clothes were old or sth. When he was the one wearing the SAME SHOES for 4 months LONG without CHANGING THEM. Ew ew. So i returned it to him with that. That yes,maybe old,but you wearing the same shoes as a homeless guy when ur obviously not one. So hypocrite. He also said crap as that he liked lolis(he is weeb) and that if they looked legal,even being illegal,was ok for him. He's freaking 20 now. 19 back then and me 18. Now I'm 19. Wouldn't that be...pedo!??? Yes i also did my "waifus" "harem",but..jeez,legal ones.(yes,i tend to waifus and not husbandos) A friend and also crush i had (same gender tho) at the same time i was dating him(since his ways of actings made me lose my love for him, just made me puke every time i saw him,so i started liking her instead of him,i was with him like...just bc he's with me but not bc anything more)who also experienced the same,an annoying and bad ex. She helped me, had a a talk with me and i realized, so i broke up with him. I was planning already to break up with him,but she just fueled it He got kind of mad, said the i will change i promise shit, or acts weird after the breaking up but... Y'know. I won't keep that crap, I won't believe him,since he did the changing promise and he was the same. So i saw he was sus I told him everything, even nearly slapped him bc stilk he was acting like a dick, instead of listening or understanding or whatever. He still wanted to have " perks" even being exes or just friends again. And me... wth, I'm breaking up with u. OFC NOT!!!??? wth. He was so rude. Not that long ago, was his bday, and he got mad at me and passive agressive bc i didn't remember it. And i was like... Uuuh... I'm ur ex...? I don't need to be remembering shit now and less from you Plus i had college exams, i wasn't for remembering things. Now i have a gf and she's the opposite to him and we're happy now :) She also had crappy exes, so we understand each other and just share diabetic love all day xd😂😂

@@xd._.28234 Ma'am??? Are you okay?? If you need to make a 10000 word paragraph then obviously this is very serious 🥲

Same.

Yikes, I always wonder why people put up with that kind of behavior for so long.

I’m so happy your able to call him your ex now. Keep doing you and don’t let anyone take that. 💕

That is wonderful! Thanks for letting us know.

Your a good teacher

im here because my teacher played it :)

Thank u for teaching this.

@@bea- me too

You can talk to your parents about this. I have same problem 💔 But I still love him because He is my first boyfriend. I know He is OBSESSIVE, possesive and controlling. I have same kind of Boyfriend. Life is so difficult 😭

Just punch him in the face ... or don't. If you want to do something about it, do what you believe is right. But please just try to know for sure that it's right. I'm angry enough that just some people have to go through things like this.

I'm honestly wondering how you're doing after all this. Did you ever get out of the relationship?

Learning and growing is the best thing you can do. You are in a good position by actually acknowledging the harm you have done. Most ab*sers never EVER make that step and only escalate their harm. I wish you the best figuring it out and I hope you have apologized to your ex for your behavior. Even if they do not accept it, an apology is much more than most victims will ever get. Good luck.

While your past actions were not okay and that relationship probably shouldn’t happen again, it’s never too late to seek help and change your behavior from here on out!

​@@AidenHarteWrites wtf Reported

💯💯💯💯 And they know that too

True, I almost went through this. My ex would want to fight my guy friend, he would have girls sitting on his laps and arms around their waist tell me to calm down. I glad I listen to my friend who was in a toxic relationship, I remember I telling myself why would I listen to her. Yet I glad that thought came after I broke up with him. Our relationship lasted for 2 weeks.

A lot of this is romanticized, sadly. They all make it seem like it’s the perfect relationship to be in, until you’ve been in that kind of relationship and realize it’s not. And this really needs to stop in movies.

@@timefliesaway999 looking back at it, there’s so many toxic behaviors that are presented as okay in romance comedies… commonly the man will persistently follow her around until she says yes. That’s not romantic. That’s stalking.

i do think that a little jealousy when its not harmful is normal in a couple but most of the times its very easy for it to become unhealthy. its always the best for a couple to trust each other imo

Why does the last one remind me of Jacob from Twilight? He threatened to stab himself when Bella said she didn't like him back.

Don’t forget emotional abandonment-- Its soooooo lonely to be ignored….

@@tokuko9027 Didn’t watch it but yes, this sounds like massive emotional abuse

@@sabrinaszabo9355 I think being ignored can count into the emotional abuse category depending on how you mean it. If your friend or partner is ignoring you to make you run after them that’s severe emotional abuse

...and mental abuse such as gaslighting and mindgames

That's true, wow these comments are enlightening!!

Yeah, he has her wear colors that match his outfit, drab desaturated colors that stand in contrast to everyone else at the party.

@@ramseybolton1223 Well no need to be a dick mate, just thought there might be not-assholes on the internet and guess I was wrong :)

​@@ramseybolton1223 just dont reply buddy. Who gives a fuck whether you read this or not. 🙄🙄 Let him write watever feels right to him to make him feel ok/better. ❤❤

That's such a good detail! I didn't notice that

Kanye West?

Good, support the homie.

My mom went through the same kind of abuse when she was with her first husband! he always try to control her and he gets upset when my mom hangs out with her friends. This video is accurate 💯

@@jackmehoff1159 I hope your mom is okay now.

Shut up nobody cares

Go girl!! ❤️

As a male victim of past abuse, same 👌

@@noonecares808 you sure you got balls pal?

i’m sorry you’ve to go through that

But woman love abusive and controlling men,just an observation.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're well now. 🙏

@@SN-vn6wb That's really sweet, thank you ❤

I think people often forget that men also go through abuse as well, and it's not just a one sided ordeal. Thank you so much for sharing your story, even if it might of been difficult to bring to the surface. I hope you are doing okay now and I'm wishing for the best.

@@lluminescent That's very kind of you, thank you. I genuinely hope that more people gain the courage to speak out against their abusers. That's why I find it so important for some of us to talk about these things even if it feels uncomfortable. People need to know they're not alone.

Omg I never knew this, how sad yet a good thing to know, thank you for sharing btw!!!!!

Yup. Classic emotional blackmail. They give you all these nice gifts just so they can call you ungrateful for not following their orders later.

I don't know if someone here will be able to answer, but when does love bombing become abuse? Is it when it's used as something people need to pay back? Because I do genuinely like giving gifts and being affectionate, but, when needed, I try to be very clear that, unless said otherwise for some reason, everything is "no strings attached, you won't need to owe me anything; it's a gift."

@@jamminoutrexan5474 it's hard to give an exact pinpoint of "this is when it becomes abuse". its sort of something you have to analyze case by case, and it isn't always clear cut. my advice would just be to be mindful of who you're giving to, how often, and how quickly, to make sure they're not overwhelmed. even if you say "hey, no pressure", people may still feel guilty if they get 19 gifts from you over 2 weeks. just be thoughtful and pay attention to what you're doing.

@@jamminoutrexan5474 Love bombing is part of a pattern. The abuser is really nice, then they get super mean, then they get really nice again. It makes the one being abused think "Well they actually love me, they just get moody sometimes and as long as I don't mess up, they'll be nice." Love bombing is used as an emotional tactic for abusers to attract and keep victims. You excessively giving gifts to people you care about isn't part of that pattern lol. You'll know when it's abusive, cause it will be used in an abusive manner

You’re not alone, I dated an extremely abusive and controlling guy when I was 15. The relationship ended after 1 and a half years and now I am 22, nowhere close to being fully healed. If I hear his name, I instantly have a huge anger taking over me, I am just so hurt. What’s important is that now we know that they were abusing us and we can watch out for people like these. Stay strong, I hope you’ll heal and that he leaves you alone. Be safe out there ❤

Dude I know how you feel. Like the similar thing happened to me as well 😢. The saddest part was he was already committed with someone else and he was dating me. You should have seen the way I dumped his ass 😂😂😂😂

How old was he?...

And when they get mad you just try to hide and make yourself smaller, all the while worrying if they’ll actually put your life in danger and doing whatever you can to just ride it out until it’s over. And you feel so frantic, like it’ll never end, just like that maze. My boyfriend is great but I had an abusive dad who would threaten to kill me or “gouge my eyeballs out” when he got really mad, that’s how I know.

choose better men? its actually simple…

@@illfindhim that's the thing, you don't know they're bad until your in too deep because of how they bombard you with love, affection and praise at the start

@@crimson_bunni4382 :D its histerical to see women scheme and formulate any form of excuse in their heads to justify/cope with the consequences of their pitiful but wilful behaviour. Female nature is a wonder to behold.

@@crimson_bunni4382 Yeah for example some men just start being this way after marriage and some women just go along with it

That comes next after social exclusion. Usually during the "move in" or marry stage. Abuse ALWAYS escalates.

@@loverlei79 Yes. I was cut off from most of my friends first, then I was stopped from enjoying the activities I liked, I had my spending controlled... and eventually it lead to him throwing me into walls and hitting me. 9 times out of 10 though it was verbal, psychological and emotional abuse. He s*xually abused me in my sleep and also pressured me into acts I found repulsive - "If you love me, you'll try this..." Just... URGH!

@@KittyKatt_Luna80s god damn...

@@pikcoe Thankfully I got away from him along with my cats in 2014. I would never want ANYONE to go through what I did. The only man currently in my life is Schnapps the cat, purring next to me as I type this. 😺

She probably cheated on him which is why he is so controlling and paranoid. It sucks, but I think that he's in a lot of pain, and he doesn't know how to cope. Might be best to divorce her tbh.

@@cautiouscube2197 Take your trolling elsewhere.

@@juliab3326 Guess you wouldn't have an argument with your partner if you saw them walking out of university with someone else's arm around them? I'm convinced the people who see this as "abuse" have never even been in a relationship. Take your ignorance elsewhere if you have nothing of value to add.

@@cautiouscube2197 So you think the guy´s behaviour (in the video and the commentator´s father as well) is justified, normal, and okay? It isn´t. It´s controlling. It doesn´t sit well with me that you tried to justify someone´s harmful behaviour. Saying that she cheated seems like victim blaming. This can be the case, but it´s also a common stereotype. Commenting this under a video trying to get victims to realise wrongdoings and wanting them to leave toxic situations is inappropriate. Regarding the video: His insecure behaviour started before he saw her together with her friends and wasn´t just limited to stopping her from potential cheating. He tried to control every aspect of her life. The relationship wasn´t healthy from the start. I´m not the ignorant one. I don´t make baseless assumptions because someone refuses to accept victim blaming or harmful behaviour, regardless of how much a person might be hurting. You´re right, when there´s a lack of healthy coping and trust people should take a step back or even part ways.

@@juliab3326 You're mistaken, and likely a young child. In a real relationship, it's not "controlling" to be upset if your partner is suddenly caught with a "friend" of another gender with their arm around them. If you caught your boyfriend getting handsy with another girl, you would be rightly pissed. The video shows him being pissed because she failed, and rightly so. It's not ok to let someone else touch you like that when you are in a relationship. I can't believe kids these days don't understand this, but it's common sense. TLDR: Just switch their genders, and it becomes obvious why they argue, and it's not "abusive" or "controlling" to have an argument. It's human, and you don't get that because you've never had a real relationship. Thanks, bye now!

Thank you so much for sharing. We're so glad our video touched you and that you found personal meaning in it. Day One is a non-profit organization that partners with youth to end dating abuse and domestic violence. We offer legal and case management services to survivors, and educate youth so they CAN spot the signs early on. Please feel free to visit our website for more information! www.dayoneny.org

It happened to me with somebody I wasn't even dating. I was on a Christian camp in a city centre and the abuser thought he was entitled to spend all his waking hours with me just because we sat next to each other on a boat trip one morning and I was talking to him. I managed to lose him in the city centre that afternoon which was a free afternoon when he insisted on going everywhere with me. I didn't get much time to myself and had planned to spend the afternoon alone. I couldn't avoid him at meal times because if he arrived before me he would save a place for me which would be the only place available if I was a bit late. If I arrived before him he would attempt to sit near me so I moved away. I eventually told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Even if I was dating him I wouldn't want him to treat me like that.

i

I completely agree, and this animation was amazing and gets the message across but noticing your comment, It’s not just girls, male teens can experience an abusive relationship aswell. It’s just sad that so many people have to go through this. 💕

I was naive and I get to know this person where only within 2 weeks he had confessed telling me that he loves me, I was 22 but even at that age I couldn't tell it wasn't love. I just thought that he might be the one for me cus no one ever confessed and he was the first ever. he was like a prince charming, everything about him was positive. he get along well with everyone, he was super nice to me. always asking me if i was okay. i told him that i want to be just friends but he kept on saying stuffs like he wanted to hold my hand even when i told him multiple times how i wouldn't want to hold hands unless we are together but everyday he kept on saying he wish he could hold my hands and talking about how he really liked me. he told me he likes me because i was innocent, i am pretty much an obedient girl i listen well to others and i guess he likes that about me. things got different when we started having different opinions. day after day i saw he change into a different person. because i only had just met him i can't say that i know him well. after a few weeks, i realised that he gets mad very easily, he's short tempered. he shouted at his co worker once and he speaks rudely to elderly. and that was when i realised i just saw his true colours. but idk why .. even when i know he isn't a good person whom i thought he was i still kept wanting to be with him. i can't make myself to tell him that i don't want to walk with him anymore. i know i told him i dont want to be more than just friends but we walk home together almost everyday and it was a mistake because it was hard for me to tell him to stop walking me home.. you can say that i am used to having him around that i don't want him to leave which is very very wrong of me. but i still consider myself lucky because i manage to break it off with him. although i get way too comfortable with him around i am lucky that i manage to tell him that i dont want to see him anymore. i had to lie, cus if i actually told him that he would've been mad at me but instead i lied and told him that i want to take a break and just want to focus on myself now.i was lucky that he listens or he probably had another target set cus he is always on his phone so i might not be the only one. i feel so blessed and lucky that i get to leave this early, also, there's one co worker who knew him and she had told me to wait until 3 months to know someone true personality and she was right. not until 3 months, he showed his true colours. that girl warned me too, she said that he's prob not serious with me. until today i thanked Allah for helping me out. alhamdulillah❤️ oh and also he gets jealous whenever a guy started talking to me, he pretty much cuts off our conversation and at first i thought it was cute but the more it happens the more i think it wasn't cute at all.

If he wears denim RUN. Lol jk

I agree with you, but depending on how you say it people will bombard you with "victim blaming" claims because people are too simple

@@snake698 the thing that sucks about people who screech that is that now we can't tell others to try to find solutions or take responsibility to solve a relationship that isn't favorable because now it's victim blaming and you're an asshat. I think it just removes power from the victims when they say that.

What if they're autistic or a little anxious? This can also manifest as things that seem "wrong" , but they happen because of completely different reasons.

@@Cyliandre441 thought the same.

is the idea

I think it shows that the victims still believe they are in a loving and non-toxic relationship.

I think it shows how confusing sexual assault can be.And what you percieved was okay at the time wasn't okay.

@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 not just sexual assault, but toxic relationships in general

@@lucyl15 come on, stop with the term toxic... it is toxic. What do you even mean with it?

so true

re XD

Mostly athletic or musically "gifted" alpha male qualities.

​@@d00der41 Masculinity doesn't have to be abusive. And abusive, controlling, behavior is not a standard to strive for.

Now ill look for a one with Zero attention, always leave me alone , dont care whoever i sleep with , forcing to walk on seashell , can mind reading and have zero control. thank

@@VJETRA what 💀

@Kekker Although trust certainly is important, there is different love languages in which gifts are a thing. For some people giving gifts is showing they think about the other person or that the other person is thinking about them, whether it's buying a gift or making a gift themselves. It can just be as simple as picking some flowers along the street because you know your partner likes flowers and want to bring a smile on their face. Personally I'm more of a gifter on special occassions and just every now and then, but I do have friends that love giving gifts and receiving them as well. We all show our affection and love in different ways!

Yes great point!

LMAOO

Speech.

I needed this comment

as if narcissistic females would ever change. How about instead of saying guys like him you say people like him? Or are you not aware females can be abusers too?!

i feel you! i talked to my friends about my brother's abuse towards me and my mom and they always ask "did he hit you?" and it makes me want to keep being silent about it. abusers do make you look crazy sometimes..

Every time I spoke about my abusive ex to someone, they would always ask "did he hit you" as if it's some deal-breaker. Okay, he didn't. Does that make it not count now? Or does it not count until one day he might down the line? People are dumb.

fax

Thank you so much for your appreciation!

I have NEVER been able to understand how women (or men) do not recognize abuse...When someone does or says something to me that is painful/uncomfortable, my SURVIVAL INSTINCT kicks in & my flight response is activated. I become sensitized to AVOID this person, this behavior & this circumstance. I do not understand returning voluntarily to painful situations unless it is unavoidable. Women (& men) have said to me that they were 'unable' to leave...?!?! I do not get it.

@@bamilekewoman373 ok? so what? just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean it isn't a real thing that happens to tons of people

@@bamilekewoman373 youre just an asshole and probably the abuser. also victim blaming?? really?? on a video abt a victim? ur a god awful human being i hope yk that

@@bamilekewoman373 most people don't have that instinct unfortunately

er... not sure, showing off and such equals being potential abuser?

C1oudS being jealous to the point of blowing up when a random dude talks to you is a red flag. Showing up to her house unannounced without her consent is a red flag. And the buildup of texting her 24/7 wasn’t to be cute- it was to keep tabs on her.

Confettifun yes, all those behaviors were to create physical and psychological isolation.

@@c1oudsky it doesn’t. And this is the sad fact in life- many innocent seeming things can be looked over as just that but actually be signals of an abuser. Hindsight is 20/20. You’ve just got to be careful. Be aware and not excuse them by means of ‘love’ until you know them better. Obviously don’t accuse someone for these signs, but don’t discard what could be a red flag. Keep it in mind. This is another reason to not have sex with someone until you know them for a very long time. Hormones cloud things. Hormones then released in a woman’s body after sex will cloud your thinking even more, like how this happy song was kickin’ the ‘’feel-good’’ emotions even while she was experiencing the abuse- the ‘’love’’ (just hormones) keeps you in limbo. Women are by nature designed to put up with a lot and be nurturing. (The bond exists to help raise a child). There’s nothing wrong with that, but women just need to be aware because that tendency to overlook serious offenses for ‘’love’’.

You're right, dating abuse can happen to anyone unfortunately. These issues are most pervasive at ages 16-24, however, so our video is just one depiction of what can be any type of relationship. We are glad you are thinking about this holistically!

@@DayOneNY aun que no crean también a los adultos le sucede y a mi me pasa eso

I feel that. I had a friend who's still to my knowledge, dating this absolute toxic pos of a dude. Dude does all kinds of messed up shit like making her cut her hair, taking out his anger on her, ignoring her boundaries. Hell, she never had anything good to even say about him, it was just on and on with the complaints. I get that people vent, but if it's the 8th time you've brought up your bf and you still have nothing positive to say about him, there's a problem. I even asked her one day "Every time you bring up your bf it's something negative, you never have anything positive to say about him, why are you with this guy?" Her reply being "Oh I say good things about him!" And that was it... At one point after he accused her of cheating on him for the dumbest fucking reason, I told her "Hey, I gotta be honest with you. Your bf does this, this, and this. I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't date but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, I'm worried about you." After which she claimed that I "hadn't taken the time to understand him." And basically told me to go fuck myself. At least your friend by the sounds of it isn't too far gone that she's willingly letting her bf isolate her from her friends.

Women try not to be emotionally retarded challenge (90% will FAIL!)

Send her this video

Please, please, PLEASE send her this video. I've had my own experiences with toxic friends (it killed me inside), so I can't fathom how horrible an abusive relationship would be...

SEND HER THIS VIDEO please tell her this is not how a healthy realation ship works!! Hope shes ok :(

That love bombing is an investment. They're making to set up, keeping you lock into a place where they suck your soul to feel whole.

I actually had to come back to this video because I got 20 seconds in, and was like, "Love-bombing. That's love-bombing. That's what love-bombing looks like." Then I switched to another video because I knew where it was going and wasn't emotionally prepared that day. Finished it today, and I was spot on. I hope I'm able to call abuse out like this at any stage Every time I encounter it. Having to live it is damaging.

It's all about that famous sentence "you only need to reaffirm something repeatedly when it's not obvious". If there's real love in the relationship, there's no need to reaffirm it every single time with gifts. The affection says it all. Love bombing is only necessary when the person can't show any of these affections so they need to mask that.

God, I was heavily abused in my family and I heard the worst things about it from people I was supposed to trust. "Just sibling rivalry" "You have to be there no matter what" "You can't just cut them out of your life. It happened, get over it and forgive" "You're overreacting, she's not like that" "What did YOU do to piss her off and make her punch you?" And that's just a few. To put into perspective, she threw me into a wall and I got yelled at for making a noise when I hit it. But her? She was just told to lay down again. From locking me in my room, to throwing my things down and smashing them, keeping me awake so I would struggle at work the next day, physical assault, then gaslighting and manipulating everyone I tried to go to for help where she would play victim, it took 14 years just to get one person to finally say "She was A LITTLE MEAN to you." When it comes to family, nobody wants to say it, nobody wants to accept it. They want the perfect loving family, if they don't acknowledge abuse, it doesn't exist. It's even worse when I'm the older sibling. So no matter how smaller and weaker I am to her, I'm always seen as the aggressor or the stronger one or the one that can take it. Nobody wants to talk about family abuse and now I don't want to talk to family.

Sorry to disappoint you but you are wrong. The most abusive people come from normal, loving houses...but where they were the only kid: they had their every wish fulfilled, every whim, heared how perfect they are Soo they became self absorbed spoiled selfish jerks who can't accept 'no' for an answer. If they do they throw a tantrum like 4 year old kid and blame you for everything, accuse you to have affairs only to make you feel guilty. Talking from experience here

@@fynchan11 That's not what they said. They said that most people who end up getting abused in a relationship come from abusive families, not that most abusers come from abusive families.

Sad but true. My parents were verbally and emotionally abusive towards me all the time growing up… just didn’t realize it. Then I ended up in relationships with abusive partners: one who constantly played the victim to her friends when I was trying to get her to better her life and one who got pissed because I canceled our plans to spend time with my roommates one night.

@@Anuyushi weird flex but okay

Thank you for your comment! Yes, many abusers are not consciously aware of their manipulation and may see themselves as being 'in the right'. It's important for us to examine our own behaviors and to be conscious of the feelings of our romantic partners. This is also so important to believe survivors of domestic abuse. To learn more about different types of abuse, you can visit: www.dayoneny.org/dating-abuse/

atenahena ORACAO DE SAO JORGE

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/rsB_lcaQncuWZY0.html

It's really tempting to forget that feeling when recovering, but on some level it's needed to prevent it from happening again. Just remember that "off" feeling is an alarm bell, a signal to take some space and think. Ask someone whose vibe check you trust. If you feel uncomfortable doing so because it's hard to say no and feel respected, that's all the more reason to be suspicious and take space. It's too dangerous a trap to risk in order to be polite or act appropriately... because this kind of abuser (looking up stuff about narcissistic personality disorder helps) will make people feel like acting normal means pretending there's nothing suspicious or uncomfortable going on

Ooh please feel sorry for me and this totally real story I didn't copy paste for internet clout

@@breklaberif7553 what is wrong with you? you realize not all people are monsters who make this stuff up, right? why do you even think they were lying? were you just waiting for someone to share their problems so you could kick dirt in their face? you need to think for like three seconds before you say some freaking stupid stuff like that

@@breklaberif7553 you know, even if that is the case, would it not feel better knowing that you come off as a "hey i understand how that might have felt" kind of person instead of "haha lol you got abused who cares" kind of person. I'd rather be tricked into feeling sad for someone than automatically push them in the mud like you do. Would not surprise me if YOU got some stuff that haunts you too, no need to go hostile.

@@breklaberif7553 it's funny how you're saying that while you're the one who's seeking attention.

👍

I relate, both as a victim and as the abuser in a long-term close friendship that ended a month ago.... I never got to the point of 0:53 and on though, but i most definitely noticed signs of myself, and even went to take steps to work through it. She assured me that it was okay that i was doing these things, but now i realize we were *BOTH* abusers, to ourselves and eachother. I dropped my other friends for her to help better her jealousy, dropped my extracurricular activities at school just to hang out with her because we both were upset we didnt get much time together since i was busy with the activities; i often got upset at the fact that she was hanging out with people but when it came time for me and her to hang out she'd make excuses and question things that she wouldnt question with the people she actually hung out with. Especially if the people she hung out with were romantic interests. we both even got into a sexual situation with someone who was interested in her, but since we all had that sexual/flirt bond together i felt left out and inserted myself into the relations. she got obsessed and attached to him, i tried to help her realize it, support her choice if she wanted to continue with him while also offer consolement early on, but towards the end she denied that i ever did console and even tried to push me away instead of helping me figure out why i felt left out when i brought up my feelings, resulting in us drifting apart. We were both toxic towards each other, and our friendship ending was for the better.

It’s a cycle man, once it happens to you from a young age, you get the preconceived notion that these relationships are how things go. People grow, people change, not a soul out there is exempt from being shitty in their own respective way, and in this case that ended up manifesting in a rather terrible way. As long as it changes, don’t worry about the past.

@YourBakaSenpai why shouldn't A MAN RAise their Voice ?? on emotional cheating

Glad you realized the error of your ways. It can be really hard to admit when you have a toxic trait because we all want to see ourselves as a good person. Hope you and the other party are doing better noe

it makes me really happy when i hear that there r ppl in the world who r ready to reflect nd realise their unacceptable behaviors. nd actively try to change for the betterment

You were probably exposed to abuse as a kid. I was a mean boyfriend for a while, I don't date anymore though and am still struggling with the fact I'm emotionally stunted because my parents were extremely physically emotionally mentally abusive. Stuff like punishing me for going through puberty, beating me, telling me I smell bad even after washing, piling on extreme expectations of greatness, both parents accusing the other of molesting me, constantly bringing me to doctors for fake problems, threats of extreme physical violence (amputation branding lobotomy breaking my legs or hips etc.) I'm not gonna date until I sort this out.

That’s amazing. It shows how strong you are. Just shows, anyone is capable of change.

Now that's the sign of true wisdom right there, to know your limits and understand your not always right. It takes stregnth for humbility and its really not something a lot of people posess, never lose that bro

@@ward9837 I'm sorry this happened to you. My first relationship was with a guy who was severely abused by his father as a young child before he left him and his mom, and then he ended up abusing me. It took me a very long time to leave him because I had empathy for his struggle but sometimes you can't give in when the cycle continues. He told me years later that after I left him he tried to always do better and be better in his later relationships. No one is stuck, you can always improve.

Guess what? All of this is present in healthy relationships too. Lets say your married to someone and they start using hard drugs, are you going to stand by and "not be controlling" or are you going to abandon the person you love and promised to stay with in sickness and health? Its normal to want to have a positive influence on your partner and we all have individual different unique sets of values, meaning we will always run into these issues. Framing them as abuse does nothing to solve the real issues.

@@robsan5410 That's a competely different thing from literally having a cheeseburger that might be on a cheat day and your partner decides a salad for you. People have expectations in a relationship influenced by media and role models etc that will involve a breakup if the needs are continuously not met even after communication, it turns into abuse when you turn to aggressive means to keep your partner into your ideal person like hurling insults for having a life.

Happy it got better bro

Thank you for sharing your experience. Dating violence can really happen to anyone, and each time a survivor shares their story it can help reduce the stigma and let others know they are not alone!

I'm so proud of you. You made it. ❤

10/10 bet you had it over Kik. Tell me if I am wrong.

I think that’s a big issue. It should be addressed more often. I support this comment.

@@yournightmare7197 Thank you! I definitely want this addressed more. I feel people can understand the "Anyone can be a predator" part more but then lose it at "Anyone can be a victim/survivor". No one should have to feel like they can not talk about their experience because they will get shut down for simply being one gender :)

@@FroppyFroggy There are high suicide rates among men. 90% of the cases are due to depression. Men need more available help and support, representations could help as well.

@@yournightmare7197 That is also true. I think there should also be more help for women too in that case. From what I have seen, the suicid3 hotline is not the best. There should be a more fluent system.

@@FroppyFroggy Mhm

Thank you so much for appreciating our video and the intricacies we've included. You're right, it's terrible for young teens to think this behavior is "ok," but that is why we partner with youth to educate them about dating abuse and domestic violence. For more information, please feel free to visit our website! www.dayoneny.org

When I was in my early to mid teens I remember girls going out with much older boys and saying how 'mature' they were but to me they seemed even more immature than boys my own age who weren't that interested in girls. When they want to go out with an underage girl a few years younger than them it is a sign of wanting somebody to control and dominate.

@@kivaylo she says it so casually. Those guys aren't boyfriends, they're pedos.

@@kivaylo of course

Of course abusers will choose CHILDREN and anyone vulnerable who won't catch onto their horrible behavior soon enough. 😡

Ever seen a female abuser? She ain't any different.

"in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years and we're getting engaged". Aaaaw, that's soooooooooo adorable!! 😍😍😍😍

The one and only version could have been about a man being abused by a woman. There doesn't need to be multiple versions. They're doesn't need to be a version where a woman is the target.

@@didles123 if it could then why does this version bother you? It's universal, just because the victim might be different gender doesn't mean anything, the lesson is the same

I think you're deliberately ignoring the historical reality of this issue. Originally anti-relationship abuse movements gendered the issue as male perpetrator and female victims. This video reinforces that stereotype. It would be easy for a woman to put herself in the position of a male abuse victim because almost every other ad in the last half century has portrayed her as a victim. It's very hard for a man to put himself in the position of the female abuse victim because he has been excluded.

@@didles123 women victims have female-exclusive anti-violence shelters to rely on while men victims are told to "man up".

@@didles123 And you know why? We tend to hear less of women being abusers because men are like 99.999999% of abusers (it doesn't excuse women abusing men, obviously). When men are abused in a romantic relationship, there's way higher chances that they are abused by another man. When women are abusers, it's also way less likely to end up with her victim being murdered or severally beaten. These are the reasons why we hear less of women being violent and abusive. If you care about this, start talking about it, start an organisation, make ressources, centers and other forms of support for men abused by women. But please, don't start with "what about the men." When you say that, you are using men's abuse to disregard other forms and other groups of victims. And that sucks.

I have that same fear. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in that. I'm even terrified of that happening in my friendships, or becoming like my dad Edit: Just thought of some stuff. I don't know you so some of this might be stuff you've heard a billion times. One person's medicine may be another's poison, and this stuff you already know might just make you paranoid to read again. If that's the case I hope someone else reading this with that situation learns something instead, feel free to dismiss. I don't know who your dad is, but understanding how narcissistic personality disorder (and its "covert" narcissist variant) works... what it stems from, the way they manipulate people, the way they cover their behaviour, how people feel when dealing with those people at every stage, how people get out of them (anecdotes help best for that last one imo)... really makes the difference in understanding lots of the toxic relationship red flags someone can give off and whatnot. There is something to be said against going to the other extreme and assigning those traits to anyone that makes you uncomfortable, but there's a few things to keep in mind. First. In order to stay safe even when too triggered to think (a situation many abusers will purposely or opportunistically create or take advantage of), there have to be respectful and appropriate ways to take space when you feel uncomfortable. When those options seem difficult to take when it should be easy (or there's never "the right time"), that's when to ask someone about it, whoever's vibe check you trust. Second. If someone puts guilt on you for doing that, that's a red flag in and of itself most of the time. People who've previously been trapped by abuse cannot afford to be pressured into those iconic red flag uncomfortable social interactions on the off chance that the other person really does mean well and is just misunderstood. It's scary to think you might reject someone that doesn't deserve it, but it's not about what they deserve. It's the safety you need. If taking space is harming them, then... that only proves you're not the right person to help them. It's not your job to teach them that, either. Third. People who have been abused before usually have behaviours that look appealing to other abusers. This means it becomes more important for you than other people to take the initiative in relationships. Waiting for someone to approach you will more likely attract abusers. If you're scared you'll make the wrong choice, at least the choices you make are ones you can learn from. Giving up on such choices because they're scary make repeated victimhood even more likely... the ability to actively seek out new relationships and the ability to spot red flags and say no... for me, they've been tied together. I treat them as one larger cluster of courage, experience, knowledge, that lead into healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy ones. Fourth. In the end it's not about accurately assigning someone a label in order to justify feeling suspicious, taking space, or outright leaving a relationship. It's recognizing interpersonal and communication issues that are unhealthy. It's assessing whether they're within safe and fixable levels, and the likelihood of things getting better. It's keeping expectation that problems are properly communicated and solved, who is responsible for what, and developing a vibe check that's right for you.

@@TheCorty Thank you for writing all that. It sure is informative. Take care!

@@Hermionee-Jean-Granger I will!!

@@TheCorty Thank you for taking the time to write this.

that whole is like your dad thing goes straight out the window if you are in gay relashonship or with a non binary person