They pit everyone against each other. As a result, your wheels overspin and the family cannot focus on living a normal life. This gives the narcissist a sense of power.
@t_nels6 ай бұрын
I would say it is more than a sense. I'm tired of filling that role for them.
@tbunnyshy16 ай бұрын
@@t_nels I wanted to say, “This gives the narcissist power”, but that would give them more power. “Sense” takes that power away.
@t_nels6 ай бұрын
@@tbunnyshy1 I hope for the day I could say sense but having a mother and daughter surrounding my actions and reactions I just can't see it.
@tbunnyshy16 ай бұрын
@@t_nels I hear you! Compare yourself to yesterday’s version of yourself and treasure the ground you gain. It takes time. Another suggestion is to get pictures of yourself at different ages and tell yourself what you were SUPPOSED to hear. If we can go and repair that kid in our head, the ‘voice’ will change. ❤️
@tbunnyshy16 ай бұрын
@@t_nels I live with my my family. It is a near constant effort of grounding, pausing, breathing, going out for walks with my dog, etc. It’s work all day and night ❤️🩹
@moonlightstargem10066 ай бұрын
My favorite is that i am useless. Good! As i should be. They should not be using me
@CaliDreaming986 ай бұрын
That be the truth...stay useless to the parasites😅
@Dove-gx5gz6 ай бұрын
@moonlightstargem1006 I love your comment! Yes! It is a victory when we become useless to them! They truly do not know what to do with us when we stop allowing it. It's like they are saying "Did you forget your lines? You're gonna lose your role if you don't remember your lines...." And we say Hallelujah! I've lost the worst job in the world!
@jh-ci5oq6 ай бұрын
Even though those words dont hurt anymore, it still hurts that someone who we consider very close to us is saying this bc they want to hurt us. Mine tells me that I'm a waste of time, usually after he's been trying to bully me and I stand up for myself. Then I get to agree with him and tell him he's absolutely right. He's wasting his time trying to bully me. It's so frustrating bc bullying is his go to method for getting whatever he wants. He's setting me up to either resist the bullying so I won't do what he wants and he can have a tantrum for a week or I have to enable his bullying in order to do what he wants and avoid his tantrum. If he had just asked me for what he wanted or brought it to my attention without launching threats and guilt trips and other coercive tactics...I'm really easy going and will prioritize something if it's important to him. Now I'm a waste of time. Let's all feel real sorry for him bc I've wasted so much of his time. /s
@sofiaisabella33176 ай бұрын
Really like these answers. I find myself sometimes stuck in the defensive mode, when they’re like ‘nope you’re it, you can’t tag me’ and not defensive towards them because they’ll just stand there with their arms crossed saying nope, or what you gonna do eh, I ain’t agreeing anyway with you, meaning they don’t want to hear you voice your concerns for your health! Like you’re being a brat or something for wanting to take care of yourself and let the abuse stop. That boggles my mind. Like theoretically, what do you do with person like that. And if you’re like ok no actually, I’m sticking to what I believe is right for me. Oh boy, better hide yourself. This behavior is Beyond disgusting. There should be a law enforcement or something for people like that. Making your breakdowns and need for physical rest an excuse to make people hate you? What is that? What the fuck is that?
@moonlightstargem10066 ай бұрын
I stopped expecting them to be honest a long time ago. Everything that comes out their mouth sounds like a manipulative tactic and i’m normally right, it is.
@kennethlapointesongwriter33306 ай бұрын
Nailed it. They seem to only 'behave like a normal person' in the presence of an authority figure, someone they consider has altitude over them. Then the tyrant retreats and hides. But anyone else they deem to be just another joe, or inferior to them, now they're big, brave, and dominant! Lack of personal self-ethics---they need an external influence to 'make them behave'. Pathetic.
@nicoledburns826 ай бұрын
Dealing with this now with my aunts. Their favorite attack now is "we are family and have always done things this way" or "grandma was afraid when she died we would all stop coming together" ... grandma passed so there is no reason for me to put up with nasty people so I can see grandma.
@jackilynpyzocha6626 ай бұрын
My dad does this and his girlfriend excuses his behavior with "That's the way he is, he won't change" She is his flying monkey, enabler. They tank!
@darrynreid45006 ай бұрын
My experience with people like those you describe here was emotionally infantile bullying cowards who positively get off on criticising, belittling, humiliating, undermining and sabotaging people whom they believe cannot defend themselves, because they think they own them as property. But the thing I suggest is important to see is that they desperately need you to directly fight them - there's no real sense of victory for them without resistance - so they don't even know where to begin when you put distance between them and you, and simply ignore them.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
You get it, Darryn.
@darrynreid45006 ай бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism I am glad especially for other people that people like you are providing better access to knowledge, rather than having to navigate these situations more or less alone, which was more my experience when young. I think it improves success rates dramatically.
@Elitecommando5016 ай бұрын
Wow lol I never looked at it that way
@dianemarie34756 ай бұрын
Excellent insight as how they crave the argument just to prove they are better than you and how powerful they are over you and they ‘win’ every time so there’s nothing to stop them from doing it again. Dr. C has been a life saver to me as I walked away from my demeaning narcissistic person 2 years ago. God Bless You Dr. Les Carter
@caroleminke61166 ай бұрын
My father was a malignant narcissist & the last situation with a malignant partner was really psychopath stuff & it’s dangerous scary to be alone with a baby toddler bully who’s unable to control his temper 😢
@mollycote10216 ай бұрын
Exactly how my ex husband is. Such a baby with a wicked temper. Glad he is gone!😊🎉❤
@tanyajohnson60666 ай бұрын
Yes mine would literally throw temper tantrums a 40 year old stuck in a three year old body
@gillianbrookwell16786 ай бұрын
One thing a narcissist will never do is compromise; it isn't part of their strategy. My Ex, the narc used to get enjoyment out of humiliating me in public.
@conniegalanopoulos49116 ай бұрын
It is nice to know I am not the only one suffering. I have wasted a lot of time, energy, and peace not understanding these people Real hiporcates.😊
@carrie61576 ай бұрын
40 years!!
@douaa19346 ай бұрын
Humiliation, Silent treatment Stone walling, Gaslighting Narcissists target out the best qualities in us and sometimes the attack is psychological. I Finally realized that strengths is where our weaknesses.
@amandaliverpool33746 ай бұрын
Agreed 👍 The list is endless 🌻
@tbunnyshy16 ай бұрын
Yes. This is so hard. ❤️🩹 I am so sorry for anyone going through this. 😭
@amandaliverpool33746 ай бұрын
@@tbunnyshy1 🫂❤️
@MS-vw3zv6 ай бұрын
The Rage, the Shaming and trying to act Superior etc ......
@PixieCropCircleDuster6 ай бұрын
They wear you down with game playing & even if you don't wanna play their game until they're done with you, you're in the game. Do not take the bait, dont, try to play like them,dont comprise your values to make them feel better. I say this because i have to reaffirm every day until they find new supply or one of us dies. Some people get cancer, I have terminal Narcissistic Gangstalkers. I'm not the only one. But if I'm not proactive about my disease it can spread. Thanks Dr. C
@justice85636 ай бұрын
I have a brother in law who is exactly like this. He’s tried to reach out with an olive branch recently to draw me back into fold. It was obvious that he and my covert sister wanted something because it’s always about what they feel entitled to. I refused to answer his call because I’m not interested in hearing what they want or waste my time explaining why I want nothing to do with them. What they did and who they are, is enough of an explanation of why I have no interest in breaking bread with them ever again.
@Hatbox9486 ай бұрын
Lots of insults was my ex narc's favorite strategy. You'd try to let them roll off your back, but some really hurt. He also held grudges and couldn't let things go.
@smartneb6 ай бұрын
Yes! The insults...and when I would voice disdain to those insults he would say, "I was only joking...can't you take a joke?"
@MS-vw3zv6 ай бұрын
The act all superior.... I saw them throw a lot of insults but when people whip it back to them they could not handle it at all.
@DJH976 ай бұрын
@@smartnebMy ex did that all the time. Told me “you used to have a sense of humor “. Uhhh. No. I just used to keep my mouth shut all the time.
@carolnahigian95186 ай бұрын
My Ex would flirt with a SERVER to make them SQUIRM ( while I cringe)! just a CAD- GAUCHE and stupid! glad he is GONE!!
@tanyajohnson60666 ай бұрын
Grudges yes he blame me for the stuff he did. Than boast about how long he could go with the silent treatment
@tanyajohnson60666 ай бұрын
#2 strategy my narc would say " If it wasn't for me." And " you haven't worked in years" . meanwhile I raised our daughter paid the bills mowed our grass PTO meetings all the dentist appointments scheduled the inspections laundry cleaned the house organized daycare all while working as a substitute teacher.
@diane194566 ай бұрын
😮Hi Nothing we do is ever worth any thing to them.
@denicehaley99026 ай бұрын
Same
@t_nels6 ай бұрын
Just guessing #1 You must be dependent #2 You must not be able to be comfortable acting for yourself #3 Your identity belongs and is not to be separate from them #4 You must agree with their beliefs and show interest in whatever they are focused on #5 Devaluation #6 Their outward persona #7 Triangulation #8 Isolation #9 They made you/They will break you mentality #10 Character assassination /cause others to doubt you
@tbunnyshy16 ай бұрын
Its hard to read this because its literally true. No exaggeration.
@kittyhatescrap35006 ай бұрын
Two words - Thank You
@ActiveSneakers6 ай бұрын
The narcissist will seek all those sly strategies to win his/her way. And there is one strategy a narcissist neglect which is seeking to live in peace with others.
@maxsiehier6 ай бұрын
My narcissistic brother blocks two-way communication by giving monologues for hours and, when arguing, saying that I interrupt him, while he actually constantly interrupts me.
@AnnePerkins-po5jo6 ай бұрын
😈@@t_nels Endured many hours of monologues and was told that I was rude for eye-rolling after hearing the same thing over and over.
@samdevallance15276 ай бұрын
@@AnnePerkins-po5joyes even if you said you were tired and wanted to bed they didn’t care and would just go on and on. One time my ex followed me to bathroom and kept lecturing me while I was on the toilet😂😳
@truthseeker_phoenix5 ай бұрын
Same for my covert ex. She couldn’t let me get a word in edgeways it would frustrate the hell out of me from the start. But don’t you DARE interrupt her.
@maxsiehier5 ай бұрын
@@truthseeker_phoenix They basically want to talk 100% and have you listen. During a normal conversation, you can get a word in as long as you agree, they'll play nice. But as soon as you disagree, they can't cope with it. During a fight, you inherently disagree, so no way you're allowed to speak.
@truthseeker_phoenix5 ай бұрын
@@maxsiehier exactly right. How exhausting!! It’s just not what relationships are about. I also noticed how she used to want to share everything with me about what she liked - example films, tv series and books. The moment I wanted to share something, she would not be interested. Of course it was the opposite in the love bomb. But truth is they aren’t interested in anyone else on any level. Boring, big baby, bully individuals.
@elvissgrandma32156 ай бұрын
Wouldn't glorify their behaviour by calling it tyrannical. The one next door to me yells and curses at his wife, young child and the poor little terrier. In fact he would try to start an argument in an empty room. The word is BULLY and, yes, all bullies are cowards.
@southernbelle65646 ай бұрын
Dr. Carter, I bet if my tyrant narcissistic husband heard this video, he would not even understand it. Would have no clue that it describes him in every way. It would be as if you were speaking a foreign language. I am thrilled to announce that I will be divorced on FEBRUARY 13th! 🎉🍾
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Best wishes to you!!
@jenniferrathe65704 ай бұрын
You're right. Narcissist people don't really understand these videos. They just like to say you're the narcissist because all they know is projection.
@annjohnson84376 ай бұрын
You just described my spouse point by point. It's sad that after using all these strategies he has driven all three of his children away, but he blames them for the distance. I still live in the same home with him, but we live separate lives.
@juliarman6 ай бұрын
I'm the daughter of such a couple and I decided to go no contact with my mother too, because she enabled my tyrant narcissist father and has until today never taken any responsibility in that. I feel more anger towards her than him, ironically. Her asking me to visit and endure the schizophrenic "separate lives" charade is too much, I can't endure this anymore.
@alainsoltura6 ай бұрын
Enablers are just as guilty. And they'll say they couldn't do anything so they can release themselves of any responsibility for allowing it to happen. Sad.
@juliarman6 ай бұрын
@@alainsoltura Yes, because they are the ones supposed to SAVE the children from being victimized.
@jenp57596 ай бұрын
@@juliarmanI was angry at my father for a time because he wouldn’t speak up to my mother. As my therapist said “she robbed the bank and he drove the getaway car.” I stayed in limited contact. Near the end of her life she was deaf and my dad could get away with saying things to her or about her that felt of some support to me. He is 91 now and we have a closer relationship but I’ve never asked him why he didn’t speak up. I believe it was for the same reason I shut down. The verbal and emotionally abusive overreactions always left the other person feeling like shit. He had to live with her and I didn’t so as an older adult I was able to have some compassion and understanding. He did try to leave once but she used us kids to manipulate him into staying.
@juliarman6 ай бұрын
@@jenp5759Thank you for sharing your personal experience. My parents are 80 and 90 respectively. My anger started to late and I'm yet in the middle of it. It is too late.
@craftingwithcatstammie17166 ай бұрын
My entire 62 years I have never understood how my mother can have NO compassion or charity. She just can't understand the concept of giving anything to others and gets angry at me for doing it. I can barely stand being in the same room with her and am stuck living in my parents house helping take care of her. I just get to visit my house occasionally. So depressing I don't get to have a life.
@jmj53886 ай бұрын
Have you contacted your local Area Agency on Aging? Although custodial care (assistance with activities of daily living) is generally not covered, your parents may qualify for some type of home care services that would free you up somewhat. At least make a referral and have an intake case manager evaluate the situation, since outside help will be promptly needed should you be out of commission for any reason…apart from the respite that you already need.
@Daysleeper10006 ай бұрын
I feel your pain. Same situation. I'm 1200 miles away, moved to help mom AND dad. Thought I could handle it. I'm living a nightmare. Prayers we survive because it isn't healthy. I'm blessed BOTH my sister and I moved 8n with parents together to tackle this; brother ( Golden Child) unavailable. Sister was the lost child, I was scapegoat, and she doesn't comprehend the depth of my resentment AND I left MY family ( husband son daughter in law and grandchildren) to help. She sees her family on weekends/ they come visit us here, as they're only two hours away. I really didn't think I would have all these horrible feelings, because I left at 18 to go into military, educated myself, married 40 years AND have beautiful family I absolutely cherish. I miss my safe zone. The trauma bond is real. Prayers to you.
@craftingwithcatstammie17166 ай бұрын
@@Daysleeper1000 We are all in this together. Unfortunately I never had a family. My mother ran off everyone I ever met. My brother visits a couple days every two years. We do have help 3 hours a day with her bathing and dressing but it is still difficult for me to leave the house. She is THAT controlling. She is the extreme end and becomes very agitated. Those who don't understand believe her 'show'. My phone rings constantly when I am out of the house. I had dinner with a friend I had not seen in 20 years and she couldn't give me a free 90 minutes!
@rheinhartsilvento25766 ай бұрын
@craftingwithcatstammie1716 Reminds me of my birthgiver's behavior. She completely abandoned herself physically, became a 100% couch potato, this led to myriad illnesses that incapacitated her further. This made her a "victim" 🤮. The kind of behavior you describe- extreme control thru "anxiety" (which I feel was half real and half acting and manipulation) was done to my father, who decided he'll be her willing slave 24/7. I was only a bystander. So was "lucky" this way. Because even in the small degree that I took care of her (a few days at a time) in my father's absence, I was luckily ready to recognize and refuse these control and manipulation tactics. "When are you coming home?" " In 2 hours probably" " I want you to come back earlier " "No. I'll be back when we discussed. Bye" Goes out.. Or I'm out running errands, and an hour in, she calls. I put it on mute. When I'm done shopping, drinking coffee, or whatever TF else I was out doing, and heading home, I give her a call. Yes, she could've been having a medical emergency and I didn't respond. So? Death comes to us all. Doesn't make me responsible for her shit behavior and life choices. Or: "I can't find the two silver spoons from Great Aunt Agatha. Where are they?" "I've no idea. Never heard of any silver spoons that you describe". "Can you look for them?" (Obviously NOW). "No, I can't. I've no idea what objects you're talking about, and I'm not going to spend my time and energy dealing with them". "Why don't you have time now?" "Because I don't. Also I don't feel like it. This is not a debate, and this conversation about it is over. See you later. I'm going to the next room." Response: sulking (of course). It's exhausting. But still NOT the same as getting completely trampled at all times by these inDUHviduals. All this to say that even in your dire situation, there is still quite a margin of maneuver. And the possibility/freedom to set up boundaries. Because actually she can do NOTHING to you, at any time. Am I right?
@Daysleeper10006 ай бұрын
@@craftingwithcatstammie1716 It's blood boiling, truth be told. I'm so sorry for your situation. You know, I'm gonna try to use this experience once my parents die, and make a difference. It's extremely difficult to shove your parent into a nursing home, no matter how much we despise them. What little help IS available, isn't possibly enough. Ist appalling the cost of nursing homes, and I just can't get there just yet. I fantasize about shoving them both in a nursing home, but sister and I aren't quite there, yet. We all must mentally must work through this nightmare as best we can. Thankfully, these forums are a relief. I pray things get better for you. Remember, you are worth self care, whatever that may be.
@kittyhatescrap35006 ай бұрын
I left home at 16 because of my mums narcissism. I was too young to know back then it wasn't me. I'm now 61 and she's in her 80's and it's because of her age I feel guilty and tow the line but it hurts me unbelievably to the point of panic attacks. A little old grey haired lady who can use that persona to control literally everyone. I visit every week and she insists talking every single day on facetime at my allocated time - everyone has their allocated time and they all comply. It's pure madness and it will suck your belief in yourself and confidence dry. Interestingly she says nothing to my brother because she played him against me as the golden child when growing up which is obviously another narcissist trait. I think it's when you realise that you have never been truly loved but in fact damaged continually by the one person who should have cared the most. The hardest thing to accept.
@helpingothers16436 ай бұрын
I could have written what you did except I haven’t visited my covert narcissistic Mother and siblings for over 10 years now. My life is far more peaceful and less traumatic keeping my distance from them. I actually fear them!
@jamesrutter41006 ай бұрын
SUCKER
@denicehaley99026 ай бұрын
I’m, too, 61, and my covert mother just turned 81. Fortunately, I live in TX and she in CA, so I keep my phone calls for birthdays & Christmas, and 10 minutes max, if not sooner. So grievous the one who was to be our primary caregiver only did so to my brother, the golden child! 😢
@MarinaLifeAnimal6 ай бұрын
I love you Dr.C, I consider you my surrogate Grandpa. I've never had a grandpa in my life, mother's dad died while I was in utero, my father's dad was severely alcoholic. I am the scapegoat in the family and my father is a malignant narcissist - your channel offers me much solace
@kellymackie48366 ай бұрын
Oh my GOODNESS- the one we had in our life literally did EVERY SINGLE ONE of these!!! Oh my gosh…
@DonaldGaron6 ай бұрын
Makes me think of a few politicians that are dangerously in power right now.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Yep!
@hartofnixie70606 ай бұрын
Just a few? There are huge numbers of them in lower levels of government, In schools county cities et cetera and of course state government
@DonaldGaron6 ай бұрын
@@hartofnixie7060 I mean probably more - I had a few in mind when writing that comment though since I live in Canada. It's true that narcissism is more common amongst politicians in general though
@hartofnixie70606 ай бұрын
@DonaldGaron Hey, that's OK. I frequently see comments about a few.... Usually, the person is thinking of one or a few in particular. But the sad thing is that it is rampant. The older and more experienced you get, the more of it you will see. You are fortunate to be learning about it through Doctor C and how to handle or avoid them. Some of us sadly have learned the hard way. The well-known narcissist politicians do their own harm, but the ones at levels that are closer to you personally can do much more direct harm to your life. Right now, i'm very glad i'm not Canadian. You folks are suffering through some really bad issues. I wish you strength.
@DonaldGaron6 ай бұрын
@@hartofnixie7060 thank you!
@charlesp.85556 ай бұрын
This video is the most accurate description of my father I have ever come across. I am frankly amazed.
@kellyandaaron20056 ай бұрын
My ex narc brought a negative energy in any room that you could cut with a knife. As time went on, I could see more & more fully disturbing features. I was already dealing with PTSD from a traumatic experience before our relationship & he knew this. This was used to insidiously manipulate me.Toward the end of our relationship, he calmly told me he had tracked down two large dogs that had run through my yard. He had spent time driving around at night looking for them, found them running across the road & ran them over. At this point, he was desperately trying to keep me with fear. Did he really do it? I'll never know, but it was used as a strategy to trigger my trauma brain. He's a sick & deranged individual. I'm thankful that I found a way out of this abusive relationship & I'm slowly processing what I've been through.
@kellyandaaron20056 ай бұрын
@@EmS33333 Thank you. I finally reached out for support. My sister helped me get a therapist that was knowledgeable in narcissism. It took me some time, but after another horrible event, he disappeared for 9 days. I gathered myself together & went no contact. We didn't live together, so that did make this an easier break.
@monaj336 ай бұрын
That's a demon...stay away 😊
@kellyandaaron20056 ай бұрын
@@EmS33333 Lots and lots of therapy, education and the love & support of my sister & a couple of friends.
@henrykujawa44276 ай бұрын
When I was working for my TWO ex-home care clients, the older one (the one in charge) was ALWAYS making ALL the decisions. He would decide what topics of conversation to talk about, and if he was bored with something, "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." He would pick which TV shows & movies to watch. And if he got bored, he'd CHANGE THE CHANNEL right in the middle of a story! What anyone else (including his "partner") cared about DIDN'T matter at all. I don't know how in the hell they managed to stay together for 40 years. But I suspect the younger guy (who, in his own way, was ALSO a narcissist!) just had that bad of a sense of low self-esteem. Back in the 90s, when my Dad and I would watch movies on Fridays, we'd usually have conversations afterward. In nearly every case, at some point, HE would decide, "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." He would act like he wanted to socialize-- but ONLY to a certain point! The one exception was when we watched my favorite romantic comedy-- "HOUSE CALLS" with Walter Matthau & Glenda Jackson. Jackson's character, "Ann Atkinson", must have REALLY pissed Dad off and rubbed him the wrong way. The moment we sat down, he launched into a 20-minute-long hate-filled tirade against ALL WOMEN in general. It probably would have gone on longer, but, after 20 minutes, I stood up and said... "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." --and walked upstairs, ending our chat session long before usual. I really wish I'd have walked off that home care assignment after the first 6 MONTHS.
@brucefriedman16 ай бұрын
Insecure of the knowledge of oneself invariably leads to indefatigable narcissism and thus self-destruction.
@danking3216 ай бұрын
I had a brother sold me a beat up car when I was in USN. Broke down on way back to base. Bad transmission. He knew it was bad, never told me. Said he was kust trying to teach me a valuable life lesson
@e.conboy42866 ай бұрын
Yes! I learned the same lesson: Never do business with a relative. Sorry about your experience.
@jackilynpyzocha6626 ай бұрын
Don't trust him or any vehicle he sells you!
@KS-nf6cg6 ай бұрын
Thank you, thank you, thank you! At 74 I finally learn that my mom was a covert narcissist and a sibling 3 yrs my junior is an overt narcissist and a tyrant to boot. There are 4 of us, 2 of us have always been targeted by both of them. Mom didn’t become pleasant until she hit near end of late stage Alzheimer’s. The tyrant, all you needed to do was add her name, you nailed her! Too bad you weren’t in PA. I’d ask where you were all my life but, you were in Texas, lol. I’ve shared some of your talks with my other targeted sibling who has also been blessed by them. Nice to know that it wasn’t our fault, we thought it was.
@merry-kenpiper56856 ай бұрын
"If they have to shove their own grandmother aside". I'm still with you, every day for more years than I can count, to get me through the day. A million, zillion thanks to you. Hi Gus, woof, woof!
@roxymovie39386 ай бұрын
1. "Shut-down" 2-way communication 2. Remind you how inadequate you are 3. Reinforce a "one size fits all" approach 4. Always find someone to blame 5. Make others regret the fay they met 6. Truth is what the tyrant says it is 7. Lies, secrets, dishonesty are always an option for the tyrant 8. When possible, appeal to a righteous cause ("I am doing this only for you!") 9. Minimize others freedom 10. Whittle away at others' reasonable ideas Be aware: 》Tyrants are cowards through and through 》Tyrants belong to Malignant Narcissism 》Tyrants are obsessed with power 》Being dominant is their ultimate goal 》They are phony through and through 》They are profound disturbed 》Tyrants have no clue about true success 》》Significance is found by helping others 》》Be a person of integrity, dignity, respect and civility Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
@francesbernard24456 ай бұрын
Good summary.
@roxymovie39386 ай бұрын
@@francesbernard2445Thanks, Frances.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Thanks so much, Roxy!
@roxymovie39386 ай бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism You are quite welcome, Dr Carter.
@nancytwigg46316 ай бұрын
Yeah, Roxy! Thanks.
@SubieMooha6 ай бұрын
Perfectly put. It’s as if you literally repeated the words that came out of their mouth.
@daisydaisy01216 ай бұрын
4:42 my ex would always retort, “I don’t have time for it” when it came to hearing my point of view or someone else’s alternate opinion. He was the most domineering scary individual I’ve ever known. He would never tolerate any conversations.
@darinsmith24586 ай бұрын
Since I grew up with a lot of those traits in my family I became desensitized to it... Now I am becoming more sensitive to it and then learning how to use it as a gift..
@cloudwalker82666 ай бұрын
These types will use coercive control and violence, too
@fairygurl92696 ай бұрын
"Tyrants ARE Cowards " Gus is Stoic 😁👍
@rg-mi5hh6 ай бұрын
Have had so many of these kind to deal with, and have learned they are just idiots. Your measure of greatness is how you treat others. Love builds others up. They are all about themselves. After leaving a situation and you run into them years later, they either snub you, act afraid of you, avoid you, slobber over you so you won't ream them in public. Most of them avoid you. Afraid you will call them out publicly. Guilty as charged!
@TheMazinoz6 ай бұрын
Amen. Either pretending to be dumb narcissist or actually brain damaged psychopath.
@gloriajohnson36266 ай бұрын
Dr. C, you are awesome. Spot on.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Thank you kindly.
@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively6 ай бұрын
I have experienced enough of this. May I recognize it ahead of getting hurt. Btw I'm 74 today. St. Brigid's day. 🐑🐑🐑🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
@rahrahrobbbieee6 ай бұрын
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!
@caroleminke61166 ай бұрын
Happy birthday to you ♥️
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Happy birthday, Nancy! So glad you're part of #TeamHealthy
@roxymovie39386 ай бұрын
Happy birthday, Nancy 🍀🍀🍀🌻🌻🌻
@danemartin56746 ай бұрын
Tyrants. The perfect word. Such an amazing video help. Very grateful. Thank you.
@elgallosabio43646 ай бұрын
This is a good description of my mom. When she realized she lost control of me she would then target my kids or my dad. My dad was our shield protecting us from my mom even though it cost him dearly.
@susancosgrove50106 ай бұрын
All of their behaviours are in my 'rear view mirror' now yet your insights continue to bring understanding and a healing to the chaos they created. Thank you for nurturing us all on the path of freedom and self respect. You are a gem Dr C 💜🐶
@SallyKlee6 ай бұрын
Perfect timing for me. Thank you for helping me stay strong
@laurinedelperdange21016 ай бұрын
Thank you for describing what I am dealing with, with my father. I will reach out as soon as possible for therapy. 🙏🏻
@Lauralaura4776 ай бұрын
For Gus🤗❤, thanks Dr C!!!
@caroleminke61166 ай бұрын
Everyone needs a Gus in their lives ❤
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
I agree!
@tyremanguitars6 ай бұрын
I have definitely known some tyrants in my time, in workplaces, school, college and family, also in bands I was in where it should be enjoyable but one person ruins it.
@ninakilby47896 ай бұрын
This was my husband for almost 30 years. And the father of my 3 children. I hade just turned 18 when we met, and he was 43. We separated 2 years ago and he died last July. I'm now trying to heal and learn how to live my life. And make all choises for myself. Thank you for helping us understand and learn!❤ Nina
@kerrib25686 ай бұрын
Speaking of tyrant narcissists…lol. I have a question for the chat in dealing with one, if you’re so inclined to. It may seem like a silly inconsequential thing…but it happens almost daily in my world. Here’s the ask: I need a replacement word for “yeah?”. The scenario: my elderly NM comes to my bedroom door to shout her list of grievances, remarks, insults, and the like. Doesn’t matter if I’m on the phone, a video appointment, I’m the bathroom, sleeping…she just starts yelling. (I know it sounds weird, communicating through a door, but by experience if I go out in the hall without the barrier she amps up even more, follows me around the house, even lunges at me -she is so far gone with impulse control of her inner rage.) It’s safer this way. Also there a reason the door is shut re: cats 🐱. Anyway…it goes like this: NM: Kerriiii? Hellooo??? Heeeeellllloooo??? Are you there?! (All within 5 seconds…she’s already escalated to a 6 out of 10 as I’m trying to get in a reply.) ok…I go to the door so we *both* aren’t screaming and as carefully / nicely as I can say- Me: yeah? NM: yeeeeeEeaaaaaAaah??? This. This is the point where my blood starts to boil. When she mocks me. It’s my hot button for sure. And it tips me off balance for the oncoming tirade that’s about to spew frometh her mouth. I know that’s a lot of stuff…but my only ask is: a replacement word for “yeah?” That will help me hang onto my composure and not engage with the incoming assault of words. Humor chills me out, but by the time we are at the mocked yeaAaaah?? It’s too late for me. The fun part of this exercise is: she will repeat ANY word/words I say. She mocks our words constantly, so whatever she hears she will repeat it back exactly (in a sarcastic or belittling tone). I’m open to anything. Silly words or phrases. Philosophical questions. Made up words. Pretending to answer a completely different question perhaps? Sorry this is so long…I do not excel at concise writing. 😊 also this is meant to be a light thought experiment. If you want to play.
@persasrho47996 ай бұрын
Would she repeat "I know, I'm a f******* idiot"?
@kerrib25686 ай бұрын
@@persasrho4799 aaaahahaha! She might! 😅
@kerrib25686 ай бұрын
One time I tried barking “what!” through the door. There was a barrage of whats back and forth until I used the Samuel L Jackson “Say what again!” lol. Maybe I should literally bark. 🐶 idk. I’ve tried “I’m on the phone!” …but all I get is “oooh you’re on the phooooone? Suuuuure you aaaare.” 😑
@persasrho47996 ай бұрын
@@kerrib2568 😆
@lynomeara41596 ай бұрын
You rang?? Or you called?
@Bea-wb9uk6 ай бұрын
In another video by Dr. C, he said: "The test to see if a person is trying to be healthy is if the have conscientiousness and self control." (Paraphrased) So every time I meet a new person, or think about another's collective actions towards me, I ask, did they have any self control? Were they conscientious of my feelings as I tried to be conscientious of theirs? I weigh out why they do what they do and say what they say. If it is just about power, and they have no conscientiousness or self control as they have relationships. Then I know, they did not learn workable relationship skills that work together as a team to solve problems. They are the toddler on the team that blame shifts and lacks consideration for any problem solving issues. It is just about looking powerful. I think, they will probably run over me in the future, steal or undermine my work, and just be the perpetual obstacle rather than be the inspiration and encouragement that glues the team together. I don't want that relationship or work environment. I know how to set a better intent.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
So glad the lightbulbs are clicking on!!!
@Bea-wb9uk6 ай бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Yep. And willingness to admit they have room to improve themselves. And a willingness to seek professional counseling when necessary. If they can't do that, but rather have an aversion to counsel or improving mental hygiene ...That tell... with the conscientiousness and self control reminders have kept me out of trouble for a few years. Thanks Doc.
@TheeyeOftruth-yx2np6 ай бұрын
This was absolutely tremendous DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, Thank you so much for this, You expose and speak truth and keep it real, If they are angry, They blame you for it, Anything they do to you, They have to justify it, They don't look within themselves, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe 🌷🐎☘😊🦁🕊🌹😇🐉😘❤💚💜😃💙🌲😍🐶👽
@harmonizedigital.6 ай бұрын
I understand team healthy, but I just love telling narcissits how average they are.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
You're excused!
@SometimesMyself6 ай бұрын
As far as shutting down 2-way communication, my tyrant’s go-to is shouting over me. I can’t finish a single sentence because of the shouting. He shouts until I give up. “Problem” solved.
@fredkuglin97176 ай бұрын
Thank you Dr C. 1 billion % correct. This video was excellent.
@RatedArggg6 ай бұрын
Hmmm. I took a class in advocating for battered women many years ago. I asked them, "Every bully is a coward, right?" They said no, that's not necessarily true. Or else there wouldn't be so many battered or dead women.
@lynnebucher65375 ай бұрын
Bullies ARE cowards. That's why they victimize those they view as weaker... Women, children, and animals. Bullies don't seek out someone capable of pounding the snot out of them.
@desertflower98586 ай бұрын
This video content is very timely for my family. We're experiencing a sustained attack by a relative with Cluster B patterns. Thank you, Dr. C, for your insights.
@annewrites...83856 ай бұрын
So useful, Dr C! I am a casual worker so I have the freedom to walk away from tyrant bosses, and that's just what I did last week. In the first 3 days of her tenure, she showed 8/10 of your strategies. Day 4, I found a polite excuse and gave notice. Thank you for the information. We really can identify the early warning signs when we know what to look for. Hugs to Gus and love to Mikhaila and your family xx
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Glad you were able to make the adjustment. Some people don't have that same latitude. Can you imagine?
@annewrites...83856 ай бұрын
Yes, I lost significant income, but then I remembered I need to get on with writing my books. It's easy to forget what is important when you have been raised by selfish souls and always been in service to their agenda. I AM free. @@SurvivingNarcissism
@winner336606 ай бұрын
My Oldest Brother, All of the Above, Unfortunately he had an Assistant next brother, Layed Wast to a Family with No Worries Except Them .
@cherylnathanodette6 ай бұрын
Another great installment Dr. C Sometimes I guess we just can't avoid them, in the workplace it sucks and as we need a wage you have to just suck it up, living with one must be unbearable peace to everyone, breathe deep folks.
@alphaomegaambassador49786 ай бұрын
The one strategy a Tyrant narcissist never uses: Truth.
@nesquiktriscuit10206 ай бұрын
i appreciate you helping us understand this better in order to maintain awareness
@4coolclips6 ай бұрын
This is Awesome, thank you!!!! 👍👍👍👍💯🙏🙏
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Glad you liked it!
@thecustodian10236 ай бұрын
I've been on the receiving end of all of this too many times to count.
@michelenoia67676 ай бұрын
#5 My next door neighbor fits this to a tee.
@t_nels6 ай бұрын
At each other these I am asking myself 'WHEN?' was this seeping into the equation!
@NiallMacAllister-ve3ep6 ай бұрын
Tyrant narcissist is using my past mistakes to keep me quiet as I depend on him for a rent reduced home I have a daughter with special needs.. he is very disrespectful.. he completely bankrupted me.. over his falling out with my brother after he cheated him on an investment
@francesbernard24456 ай бұрын
In summary: A tyrant's most important to them goal is to dominate others when practicing the following tactics instead of being a loving person with integrity, dignity, respect and civility: 1. A narcissist seems to believe they are the ONLY best expert around so dialoguing with them about anything is difficult to nearly impossible. 2. They offer negative and unconstructive feedback [Along with empty sounding flattery when manipulating]. 3. They show no natural curiosity about others around them background and preferences. 4. Often fault finding and blaming others whenever things do not run as well for them. 5. If we stand up for our rights then they launch into endless series of threats until they get their way. 6. Tyrants see nothing wrong with justifying their negative behavior with their own flawed lone wolf version of what the truth is. 7. A tyrant sees nothing wrong with keeping dark secrets, dishonesty and lies while believing that should be regarded as always as only another optional strategy in life. 8. If anyone questions their way of operating in life then they repeat maxims as if they are 9. Minimizes other people's freedoms [Later when maybe taking all the credit for the labor which others have done too]. 10. When someone shares any insight to them about safety or efficiency there could be improved the tyrant often reacts by insulting them. [For example how the competitive edge might be better maintained there]
@roxymovie39386 ай бұрын
Very good summary, Frances 😉
@Katywampus11586 ай бұрын
Dr Carter, you're the expert, but I do wonder if they can really all be considered malignant narcissists? I have a family member who I have always believed to be a covert vulnerable narcissist, tending towards self-deprecation and victimhood. That said, she is controlling to a tyrannical level in certain situations, and uses all of these tactics to a T! She portrays herself as put-upon and abused, but uses subtle punishment tactics when you don't comply with her rules, like stonewalling and taking smug pleasure when she perceives you to be failing. Have I misunderstood the definition of malignant narcissism, or can other types of narcissists also use all these strategies to control their environment and the actions of others?
@bonniekesic80406 ай бұрын
My husband would always put on ( his channel) of music in the car. I tried to put on something I liked but he would turn it back and crank it up. I also told him to turn it down cause it hurt my ears and he wouldn't do it.
@user-bf1zi7fx9z6 ай бұрын
Thanks Dr C. Have a great day and I love your shirt collection 😊 Susan PHX
@MeCynthiaAnn6 ай бұрын
Soooooooooooo true Dr. C. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
Glad it resonated, CynthiaAnn.
@LiveforHim736 ай бұрын
Dr.C You read my mail! Trying to figure which strategy he does Not use on people. He has someone to pick most of the time but usually his past friends have run away. He looks for people online to harass with his religious views. Being the oldest sister and him the only brother with 3 sisters now 2 since our sis next to me died in 2022 and I live in same area I’m his punching bag. After my youngest sister’s visit last summer we have not heard from him at all but he’s still sitting on our parent’s property. I wrote him and asked him to pack up and leave. He’s very angry we disagree with his ideology. We HAVE to sell the property. I think he thinks he has upper hand sitting on it. All legal documents say otherwise so he’s being an obstructionist just to harass us. Just to be a Nasty person! It’s a heart ache I wish to be rid of an move forward in our lives. He doesn’t try to be nice or respectful towards us and Mom’s needs and wishes. So we have to still deal with him. Which I hoped he would move home with his wife so we don’t have to get the attorney to move him off. It costs too much to keep the property since Mom has to have total care in our home. I quit texting & emailing him because I don’t get answers. I usually include my sister so she knows what going on. Gives me proof in the past of his behavior towards me. It was an eye opener to my sis. She got to read his nastiness towards me and was stunned. She got to see it in person their last visit. It distressed her to the point she says she can no longer deal with him. She lives far away. Still it’s a heartache as they were close when young. But he always bossed her too. We all in this family want to be done with this issue! My hubby just had knee surgery and dealing with new cancer diagnosis, things had to be sat on a bit longer. It’s been a difficult month in our home but we are so fortunate to have adult son & daughter that came to stay and help us get through the first 2 weeks. We are on 4 wks now and had bit of set back this week from bumping the knee. He needs to have labs to check the CLL. My heart is scared but he taught me to be brave and not let anything stop me in helping others. We’ve had so much cancer in our family, I’m feeling grumpy it’s here again. We almost lost our daughter with leukemia when 26. She 52 yr old survivor. She’s been so very helpful even with a full plate working 2 jobs. God bless her life! Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest! 🙏❤️🤗
@TheMazinoz6 ай бұрын
Legal aid, court advisors? Bailiffs!
@tiki_trash4 ай бұрын
The perfect description of my father.
@Kittykat79NY6 ай бұрын
Excellent! This is my veterinarian boss to a t! Yes he's a true coward so phony and the best is that once I've decided not to care it's been so much easier for me! Thank you from the bottom of my being!! ❤
@Jenifer_G6 ай бұрын
Just read some articles on anti social behaviour, sociopaths and psychopaths, all bits and pieces with narcs. Also I have seen in life what religious sects do to people and power games within organised religion.
@suuzannahtegner45006 ай бұрын
I grew up with four of them. Both parents and both siblings. Terrifying. Emotional explosiveness. Constant physical and emotional abuse. I was the scapegoat. They ruined my life. I wish I had never met them.
@bitsybugaloo6 ай бұрын
@Surviving Narcissim, I'd love to hear the entire list and ways to deal with each one.
@maxsiehier6 ай бұрын
In what other videos does Dr. Les Carter talk about the "Significance Principle"? Very interesting idea because it's basically the opposite of what narcissists do.
@jim-zx7gz6 ай бұрын
Lol. Sounds like My last boss. Half the crew quit in three months... Eventually he got fired
@christinerobertson95966 ай бұрын
My mother. Trying to get Adult Pretective Services to take her.
@jmj53886 ай бұрын
Same here. But APS tells me the same thing now as they did 18 years ago, when I first tried to get my BPD narc M some psych intervention: “unless she’s got a gun to her head”, they can’t get involved; “she has the right to live as she chooses”, despite the fact that she’s clearly unable to safely care for herself and her home environment. M wants to move in with me and have me as her personal caregiver, even though that’s impossible. She causes stress, anxiety and embarrassment to all of her children, who really can’t tolerate being around her self-centered, demanding, uncooperative, unpleasant clinginess and her myriad complex, mostly self-inflicted problems.
@andy.hello.66024 ай бұрын
If you feel like you are walking in eggs shells around someone that's a sign of a narcissist.
@barefootrx6 ай бұрын
Yes yes and yes Thank you Dr.C ❤
@Odontecete6 ай бұрын
I believe they are all clones.
@maxwell-cole6 ай бұрын
Thank you for this list Dr. C. Taking notes. Thanks for simplifying this topic for us.
@SurvivingNarcissism6 ай бұрын
I saw your other comment, so I'm glad you got to part 2. Keep learning, Maxwell!
@BarbzSA6 ай бұрын
Aww I missed the premier. Next time!
@aaronkwolfe6 ай бұрын
Next will be Saturday at 10am, Central USA (GMT -6). And again on Monday.
@rosemaryfernandes2406 ай бұрын
Spot on, Dr Carter!
@evelyne70716 ай бұрын
Thank you.
@jackilynpyzocha6626 ай бұрын
Dad expects to control me all my life. He is a controlling jerk!
@thereisnoninadria6 ай бұрын
This video affirms my own assessment of my mom. She is 💯 this type of person, even down to the invoking God in her manipulation of family, friends, and strangers. I tend to doubt my own perception and feel that I am over exaggerating things. But no, she really is this way.
@ladennayoung29396 ай бұрын
People who have NPD don't see you as a person. They choose to see you as something they own, possess, control, and dominate. Again, since they generally won't acknowledge their shortcomings and refuse to change for the better and heal. You need to go no contact in order to protect the joy, peace, life, sanity, and assignment that God has given you.
@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox6 ай бұрын
Tyranny is the best word choice.
@fred.k98756 ай бұрын
🙏
@Bea-wb9uk6 ай бұрын
General Piso's story...killing the messengers.
@ly51426 ай бұрын
Great summary, and spot on! Thank you Dr C. How do we deal with such tyrants who remain in our lives? Normal coping strategies like telling them honestly how they stress you out will not do. How can we avoid dealing with them, without facing the consequences of their rage and ire for avoiding them? If we meet them randomly in public and unfortunately end up the brunt of their tantrum, what are tye hest strategies to deal with them? They are often out of control. Anyone has good suggestions?
@nesquiktriscuit10206 ай бұрын
thank you
@usedscar6 ай бұрын
Thank goodness he never pulls God on me!
@caroleminke61166 ай бұрын
He IS God 😊
@jmj53886 ай бұрын
It’s always amusing when they play the “God card”. When I called out my BPD narc M by text for her 5+ decades of badmouthing my father (now known as a key feature of Parental Alienation Syndrome, and recognized as a form of child abuse that is punishable by law), she replied that I had burned the bridge of forgiveness to Heaven, and included a crackling 🔥 fire to imply what I should expect for the audacious sin of trying to stem the tide of calumny. With a BPD covert narc H who has alienated our children from me, and a case of long-term, severe and intractable pain syndrome, I’m living my H€ll on Earth, and praying for a better afterlife!
@AnnePerkins-po5jo6 ай бұрын
@@caroleminke6116 Well, if God is invoked it is because they have special insight into what God wants... If God is not invoked it is because, as you point out, they are God!
@luclelievre93306 ай бұрын
I get it! DARVO...
@mollycote10216 ай бұрын
Hey Dr C. You just described my soon to be ex-husband. Thank you for all your help over the years! He has been gone for a month and I couldn’t be any happier! I have peace in my head and heart!! Hey Gus!😇💙🩵🙏🏼💯‼️🥰
@suckermofo16 ай бұрын
Got another question but I have to give an example first. I acknowledge that my wife provides the bulk of the care for my daughter. Sometimes I'll offer a hand like maybe I'll ask if she might want some help getting our daughter ready to go to school as she's only just started school and it might be useful for me to help. My wife says no she has it under control and then later says come on I've got to take a photo of you, I do everything for you and uses it against me. is this narcissistic or something else?
@suckermofo16 ай бұрын
@@Gef143 sorry, i think i wasn't clear enough with my description of what happened. My wife had got my daughter dressed for school so I quickly took some pics when I had the chance. While I was finishing my wife said to our daughter to go in with her to the other room so she could take pics and that she does everything for our daughter. This lsst part wasn't directed at our daughter, it was directed at me. I did ask earlier if she wanted help getting anything ready for school but my wife said no i have everything under control, in a pretty nasty way as she often does. I've told her I think she's a passive aggressive covert narc after she told me I'm a narc. She said that to the wrong person given I'd been listening to audiobooks and many KZfaq clips from experts about narcissism for at least 8 months. Some said even if you think someone's a narc, don't say it, so i didn't. It took her calling me one for me to let her know how much I'd looked into it etc.
@suckermofo16 ай бұрын
@@Gef143 thanks for your reply too. Elevating herself at my expense, a good way to put it.