How Narcissists Become Effective Liars
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Күн бұрынIf you have been connected with a narcissist, you have been lied to...many times. Defensiveness and secrecy is part of who they are. Dr. Les Carter breaks down their many inclinations toward dishonesty so you can know what you're up against. He offers insights about their end game, then discusses your options as you move forward.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZfaq channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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@cathyw.7515 5 ай бұрын
It seems that life with a narcissist is an endless series of set ups for their pleasure and entertainment, and life for us is an endless stream of insanity. It is intentional. It is evil. This teaching really spoke to me. Thank you.
@donnadriggers5718 5 ай бұрын
Set ups...😢
@hartmutott4720 5 ай бұрын
I hope you got out of it and went no contact.
@barbarabrennan1753 5 ай бұрын
Sneakiness.
@barbarabrennan1753 5 ай бұрын
False positive intentions.
@barbarabrennan1753 5 ай бұрын
Data gathering. Strategic.
@matthewchapman6395 5 ай бұрын
Narcissists improve their lying by practice, practice and more practice. If their lips are flapping they're lying.
@susanparker9877 5 ай бұрын
You've got it. So, so true.
@cynthiawhite1122 5 ай бұрын
And when you talk over the bullshit, they get even angrier.
@Bianca-sw5id 5 ай бұрын
ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CORRECT 🥰
@Bianca-sw5id 5 ай бұрын
You nailed it 😀
@nancytaylor5350 3 ай бұрын
@@cynthiawhite1122 lmao❗ True
@vickyaldridge6778 5 ай бұрын
The lies by omission are really tricky ones. You get a story missing crucial details. When caught out, they "forgot", or "you weren't listening" or "if I'd told you, then you'd get angry/say no, so you're the one at fault". Enough to drive you quite mad, really.
@thecustodian1023 5 ай бұрын
We see this every day now in po li ti cs. Lying by omission to change the context and narratives regardless of how many people know and can now see the truth and can fact-check and call them out in real-time with ease. Probably why YT has to sensor and delete everyone's comments that expose the lies and false naratives. They can't handle being exposed for the lying evil they are.
@AJ-ks4lv 2 ай бұрын
O yes! and when there are others involved, be sure that YOU are beeiig difficult! Double succes for N.
@thecustodian1023 2 ай бұрын
I see my original comment got deleted by YT. Guessing I must have hit a nerve with the truth again.
@mj-rg9kp 5 ай бұрын
They believe their own bs that’s what makes them seem convincing but when you know them, you know it’s lies
@jackilynpyzocha662 4 ай бұрын
I see b.s. coming!
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
Narcissists play various character roles to get what they want. Some tactics are playing a victim, sweet-mean cycle, intimidation and rage. Their lies are more effective and their stories are more ‘believable’ when they pack their lies with a ‘punch’.
@songriver1232 5 ай бұрын
Yess the sweet man cycle. I'm glad there is a name to this. My brother has these moments were he is 'sweet' and more moments were he is nasty af. Which makes me never trust the nice moments
@Angela-on6cd 5 ай бұрын
Finally words to describe the inconsistencies of fake love and underlying anger and contempt... sweet-mean cycle. Sweet when they want to play nice as it's self serving and mean when they need a scapegoat for all their frustrations if they're having a bad day.
@cheflynne1359 5 ай бұрын
My NM tells me I’m absurd acting like a victim… I am a victim working on myself finally
@indiesindie1984 5 ай бұрын
Nailed it! 👍
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
@@cheflynne1359 I hear you and I’m right there with you on that. Healing can now begin 🎉❤️💕🕊
@sage9836 5 ай бұрын
My guess is they practice pretty much constantly, and when they get caught, they adjust. Isn't that a sad way to live?!
@annette-fl2uy 5 ай бұрын
Lied to & lied on... repeatedly.
@denisedowling4125 5 ай бұрын
They can't be wrong so will lie like a child.
@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын
The key to effective lying: Believe what you say, say what you believe.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
It must be a repeated narrative in their head.
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
🎯 They practice this for years and master it.
@dakoderii4221 5 ай бұрын
Another thing they do is: "Depends on what the meaning of is, is."
@williamlindner3984 5 ай бұрын
You don't believe people like this exist until you have experienced them!!!! They believe their own lies.. They live them.. The perfect politicians!!!
@carefulcarpenter 5 ай бұрын
I do not find many sincerely curious people--- when I post truths about true reality. People who lack this sincere curiosity will put on a ruse--- as Doctor C talks about. Lack of sincere curiousity is a huge clue. First we must do our independent research--- and ask a lot of questions. Narcissists hate questions. Real truth involves evidence. *"Truth is context-driven; deceit is agenda-driven. Those not interested in accurate evidence are not interested in truth."* cc. 2020. 👀🐡🌊
@Hatbox948 5 ай бұрын
I think my ex.narc lied the most through omission. You never knew what was going on, and you sure couldn't ask.
@christiebell6667 4 ай бұрын
If I ask I get "why are you accusing me?" I state "it is a legitimate question". But he gets defensive, says I am accusing him, then he turns it around on me that I am an insecure and crazy person. So, I have learned not to question anything....It is hard.
@truffaut650truffaut6 4 ай бұрын
@@christiebell6667I had that one 😂
@grammyspa-jammies1737 5 ай бұрын
My covert narc husband always said liars don't deserve the truth. It took me 40 years to realize he considered me to be a liar and that cleared his conscience to lie to me all the time. I'm not a liar but he is.
@justanothertuesday9664 5 ай бұрын
The signs were there, I ignored them. Got married, have a nine year old son with her, and it only got worse. We are now in the imploding stage. The lies, demonizing, abuse and parental alienation I have experienced is something. We are now separated and she has our boy. I believe in truth. I maintain my faith in God.
@justanothertuesday9664 5 ай бұрын
@ellisbell614 I would like that. Thank you!
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@@justanothertuesday9664Keep that strong line of communication with your son. Get him involved in empathetic acts if possible. Cook up hot cocoa for the firefighters and first responders. Bake a turkey or take one in to a homeless shelter with all the fixings.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@ellisbell614 I don't know what you mean. I wasn't judging the father and if mom has him he may need as much help as he can get.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@ellisbell614 That could be a long, hard battle. He needs to start where he can. You don't have to agree.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@ellisbell614 I'm speaking of things I did with my children. Does that mean I was judging myself?
@cairosilver2932 5 ай бұрын
The truth hurts and narcissists can't stand any amount of pain.
@angellollar1083 5 ай бұрын
Spouse of 44 years told me you can't con a con and he tells me things I want to hear.
@Tess1dog392 5 ай бұрын
Sir Winston Churchill wisely said, “I no longer listen to what people say, I just watch what they do. Behavior never lies.”
@katiepayne2479 5 ай бұрын
It's the living in an alternate reality to the point they believe themselves.
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
That’s narcissism
@jackilynpyzocha662 4 ай бұрын
They don't believe the truth.
@roxymovie3938 5 ай бұрын
Effective" tactics of lying by Narcs: 1. Creating false positive impressions 2. Showing curiosity about you 3. Openly stating, "I will not lie to you!" 4. Expressing disgust toward other known liars 5. Partially being true and vulnerable 6. Confessing, but with major caveat 7. Small lies to determine how far they can go with you 8. Making you feel guilty if you question them 9. Staying above psychological relevations entirely 10. Very skilled at hiding things 11. They just can't handle the truth Be aware: 》It's not a relationship 》You are just a prop!!! 》They are afraid of many things 》They are sitting on hidden rebellion 》They cannot manage a 2-way-communication 》They have lost sight of our shared humanity 》They just want an easy life 》》They miss the truth that love is built upon vulnerability!!! Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
Thank you Roxy 🌟 Sooooo great work, as usual. How are you doing? Hope everything well. >> Note For you and for everyone reading, the other very useful post of yours is only visible in the Latest Comments section 😑 . Team Healthy, go and look there 📝 Btw, how is it named that section in KZfaq/English?
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
Oh my, number 4... Yes, each and every single point is present in 2 out of 3 of my 3N. One of my Narc (the grandiose one) didn't cover all the list (anyway, nearly all the points). But, people! ... Number 4... Number 4 in my Malignant Narcissist was a highly devastating point because it met well with my need for lovingly, truly, clear, open, free and sincere relationships... in which everyone could rely on...
@roxymovie3938 5 ай бұрын
@@lishmahlishmah Thanks to you, Lishma!!! 🌟🌟🌟 Also for your thoughtful response on the other chat 🤗 So here is a hug back to you ☺ Well, mentally I am going quite good now with the new situation. I am beginning to enjoy it actually - for I am "conquering" the new given space, the new freedom, the new peace etc. 😊 My daughter said yesterday, "My new place does not feel like home at all!" Of course, for her it is a big step and a totally new situation and it will surely take some time to acclimate. Hmm, I do not know, how that section is called in English for I can only see it in my native language 🙃
@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын
Thanks, Roxy!!!
@roxymovie3938 5 ай бұрын
@@lishmahlishmah # 4 I have also experienced with the Sociopath and that's a very mean one because of what you said. And he was very, very good at # 1. But in fact he was a master with all points. My mother gets 10 points with # 10, hahaha.
@SuntoryPop927 5 ай бұрын
They are effective liars because they understand how to weave the truth into lies. After all…EVERY GOOD LIE HAS AN ELEMENT OF TRUTH. Few understand this and do it as well as a narc.
@karriphillips5090 5 ай бұрын
Just like the devil himself
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
🎯 Exactly. This makes for PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
@rachelcarson9967 5 ай бұрын
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. That’s what I always said about the N in my family.
@Rabswood296 5 ай бұрын
Absolutely every lie has an element of truth which is why it is believable.
@karriphillips5090 5 ай бұрын
@Rabswood296 So says Eve!
@deha5084 5 ай бұрын
The lying is unconscionable. I don't miss that nonsense in my life. They can't keep their lies straight and think you can't either. Surprise, we listen.
@smustipher 5 ай бұрын
Practice makes perfect lol. The perplexing thing about a narcissist and their lies is that they use them to get "close" to you, but inevitably, it pushes people away. They keep using the same failing tactic over and over again and refuse to acknowledge that it doesn't work long term. Sad and pathetic to witness.
@Greenwings701 5 ай бұрын
They have an astonishing ability to simply be silent when asked a question. Any kind of question. They will, however, sneer or smirk. They will just not say anything and somehow remain unbothered. It's like they are daring you to ask further. They will only engage as far as a one-sidedness in interactions. You will have few real conversations when you examine it.
@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын
Oh yes, the silences are maddening! They leave you swinging in the wind. Nothing ever gets accomplished
@MarlanWarren 5 ай бұрын
I just had to block my ex-husband from all contact because this narcissist has been lying to me. Worse yet, I can see through the lies and his attempts to cover them with superficial charm.
@lizh6420 5 ай бұрын
Narcissists have terrible memories but love to throw the blame back on you even though you know the situation never happened that way, plus you recall the lie from earlier and they cannot answer you because they can't remember what it was they said earlier, so they get upset with you for trying to clarify what they were trying to say in the first place. Which was clearly yet another lie they dreamed up. They truly are pathetic!
@kathysanchez5945 5 ай бұрын
The degree of Pathological lying by a narc is unimaginable! Work toward Radical Acceptance. This will assist in Self-care healing!!!
@mr.vargas5648 5 ай бұрын
They are very deceptive.
@siriastridkristensen4272 5 ай бұрын
They don't have a relationship to truth.
@siriastridkristensen4272 5 ай бұрын
And also, they don't care...
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
They started with their mothers as golden children & that’s still the main motivator behind the impulse to lie in order to conceal shame & avoid blame
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
Or father perhaps?
@annette-fl2uy 5 ай бұрын
Is that science or your opinion?
@TheBLGL 5 ай бұрын
Yeah, cause men are NEVER narcissists, it HAS to be the mother, even though NPD is more prevalent in men. 🙄
@Lemana28021989 5 ай бұрын
They often were quite the opposite of a golden child. They alseays had to fight for attendance, being heard and cared for emotionally.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@@Lemana28021989 I think there is a range of circumstances and genetics.
@BaraSchmidt 5 ай бұрын
The level of effort a narc puts into shoring up their pseudo self could run all the lights in Vegas in perpetuity. Like living in an avalanche. Thank you Dr C! Hey SIR GUS! Have a peaceful weekend!
@edith4334 5 ай бұрын
What is fascinating they remember all their deceiving bull....
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
Well, not everyone of them... Especially if they are aging... When they don't remember their lie they deny the first lie and tell you another false story...
@wax9362 5 ай бұрын
Not exactly sure about that statement however they will fight and argue to not admit the lie
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
Fear rage envy revenge then denial & it’s very intentional deception
@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын
As they age they forget so it becomes ever crazier. They start reimagining the past and passing it off as truth. They'll say one thing on a Monday and the opposite on a Friday because they forget the original lie. My mother has even started letting slip deeply held grudges, one where she was heavily sedated after surgery and saying something that's a blatant lie but her mind was Haddled at the time with the drugs. It was a different person but she thought it was me and has held this grudge for 35 years and now I need surgery, is throwing it in my face. It wasn't even me!
@nikiarmstrong4082 5 ай бұрын
The narcissist I know is very good at lying by omission. If he is pushed into having to lie, he becomes really furious. I think he feels that he hasn't lied if it hasn't been said.
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
There is a song called ‘Liar’, by Henry Rollins. Whoever needs an illustration to awaken and accept the way a narcissist thinks, this video is colossal. It helped me so much years ago with a scary boyfriend. Henry portrayed the character so well! 🏆 Sending peace to you all 💕❤️🕊
@lisbethbird8268 5 ай бұрын
Love Hank! So smart, authentic. I'll look up the song. Thanks!
@francesstickel5759 5 ай бұрын
I played that song over and over when I found out about the massive cheating! That video is so real it’s scary!
@tbunnyshy1 5 ай бұрын
@@francesstickel5759 It is scary. It’s alarming how I didn’t SEE the true person until watching this over and over again. We don’t think like them, so this is a great way to begin grasping the reality.
@chelleb3055 5 ай бұрын
Rammstein's Lugen is another song that nails the narcissist's thinking down perfectly. It's brilliantly written and their use of autotune is surprisingly effective with this song. Highly recommend.
@carolynrichards9124 5 ай бұрын
My ex's lying is what led me to learn about narcissism. I started out by googling pathological lying, and some of those articles mentioned narcissism. He was, and I'm sure still is, a very good liar.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
By making others around them silenced to the truth. Once you value truth you are out! Then you must be doubted by all, proved to be wrong.
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
They also sometimes say the truth (about someone else)... And they choose to say it in the worst moment of all. Then, they say, "I'm only saying the Truth" .
@ruthslater6364 5 ай бұрын
Exactly. Said to a T. SOUNDS exactly what I'm told on a daily basis. I'm a terrible horrible person everyone see through me ,everything is my fault. I'm crazy, nobody could put up with me. That's why the neighbors don't like me, that's why everybody hates me. It's never ending litany of your a terrible person that's why I can't live with you and u have to put us in debt to pay for two houses. 😊😮
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
@@ruthslater6364 "us", who? Be careful because, if anything, narcissists usually will put *YOU* in debt
@artnunymiss2530 5 ай бұрын
The hidden rebellion thing is really where it's at, the #1 problem with these people. They're constantly, incessantly passive aggressive to the point where they lose all contact with reality as the rest of us know it. What you or I may think of as the simplest life interaction, for them is a huge ego challenge, kind of like "get them before they get me." Except they're just generally surly because the world hasn't already crowned them in glory, basically. And that's your fault. But they know they can't come right out and blast you about it, which infuriates them. So every face they meet is a challenge, to find some way to trick them into accepting punishment.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
That sounds right on 🎯
@DeaconBean 5 ай бұрын
Excellent analysis
@Lemana28021989 5 ай бұрын
They don't have remorse and create their own reality which they create everything else around. Also: gaslighting. Big time.
@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS 5 ай бұрын
Resist back with GUSlighting!
@christopherstull7838 5 ай бұрын
I have figured out that I had supplied a certain credibility in a certain aspect of their delusion.
@lisbethbird8268 5 ай бұрын
Yeah. Do you mean how they use others and relationships to appear more "normal"?
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
It’s called enabling
@christopherstull7838 5 ай бұрын
@@caroleminke6116 not so much as a willful enabling, but telling stories of my accomplishments and finding out later they are telling the same story in the first person, to appear credible.
@christopherstull7838 5 ай бұрын
@@lisbethbird8268 i mean me telling stories of my personal accomplishments and catching them tell the same story in the first person.
@christopherstull7838 5 ай бұрын
They not only rewrite history, they steal other peoples history.
@janetcaruana8525 5 ай бұрын
Our used to be friend called his gf the absolute WORST name you can call a woman where her and my jaws dropped to the table and left us and my husband speechless for a full minute. He later told my husband when he called him out on it that “she knew I was only kidding.” No one is kidding when used THAT word!
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
Years ago we met up for a game night with a classmate and friend my brother had. His wide made a disparaging comment about him and 4 of us sat is shock and disbelief. He was very accomplished but had a mean, ruthless spouse. Months later he committed suicide. I wish we would have all called her out 😒
@notagain779 5 ай бұрын
@@t_nels, I'm so sorry to hear this. A friend of mine always would point out to anyone saying a cruel thing to another: "Try to be kind. If you can't be, keep it to yourself, because you don't know what that other person might be dealing with inside of them." She had experience with someone who was being bullied at work. He committed suicide, also.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@@notagain779 Thank you for sharing that. He was military and worked on disarming bombs. The military decided to downsize and he was losing his position. It was a shocking end. He had military at his funeral and he had requested to continue. They said his request was accepted but he never knew it. I don't think his career took him out though. The mind can play tricks. It was supposed to be closed casket. It was open, and I saw a closed casket. It had to dawn on me that it wasn't. I was ashamed that I stood stock still at the entrance to the room. He looked nothing like the man I knew. He had no children and was died too young.
@notagain779 5 ай бұрын
@@t_nels, You have a sensitive soul, and you cared about him. No need to feel ashamed of your reaction. 🙏🏼❤
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
@@notagain779 Thank you for saying that. It was an awkward look from his sister, and that is how I realized. It was just a horrible situation any way you look at it.
@sandysmith4647 5 ай бұрын
My narcissistic brother has been after me for decades to participate in a conversation using something called a talking stick. Whoever has the talking stick gets to talk while the rest remain silent. Can you imagine a narcissist with a talking stick? I never fell for that one.
@songriver1232 5 ай бұрын
You would never get that stick and if you did they wouldn't shut when you had it
@rozdoyle8872 4 ай бұрын
Just wait till he shows up with his Walking Stick in the future, he won't be half as chatty then.
@JKB-ji6xl 5 ай бұрын
Thanks again Dr. C! 1 more tactic: they're at times brutally honest, enjoying the brutal part, & saying, 'Sorry but I'm just an honest person,' which statement contains 2 lies.
@songriver1232 5 ай бұрын
They are honest except when every word out of there mouth is a lie
@jo-vieshade-clunes4126 5 ай бұрын
Dear Dr Lez I wish I had known you ( & Gus) when I was 19 years old, because that's when I first met my Covert Narc.. That's when the lies manipulations,threats etc started & never stopped. He was always Sly Sneeky Suspicious & Secretive. He would continually back me into a corner & his interrogations would start..... 'Who, What, When,Where Why & How', he would demand. I was under his microscope, being examined every which way...if he thought he hadn't got enough information he would instantly return & continue... It was the strangest & most cruel world.. I divorced him after 26 years, but that never stopped his lies. I believe as long as he lives he will continue lying. I always said that when he meets his Maker he will even try twisting His arm behind his back. Your teachings are awakening, descriptive, spot on...they back up what I lived through. Unfortunately it was so damaging to my 3 children. Forever grateful for you wisdom Dr Lez. And just where would we be without Gus? ❤
@jackilynpyzocha662 4 ай бұрын
They are sadistic!
@BSharp369 5 ай бұрын
The overwhelming need to be normal, or rather be my authentic self during my lifelong experience with parental narcissistic abuse took me on a course in my life I would never regret! The lack of warmth and normalcy in my family of origin hunts me even today. I’m sad and angry but at least I found a way to get away from them. It’s better to sleep under a bridge or on a cold floor for months rather than endure one more second of narcissistic abuse! I’m in my mid 50’s now and cherish all videos from Dr Carter and others because without them I’d still feel it was all my fault! So I’m forever grateful! Thank you!
@SherryWilson-dk7bo 5 ай бұрын
Peace and love ❤️
@susanwilson4695 5 ай бұрын
It is all dominance.
@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS 5 ай бұрын
When a man lies, he murders some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives. (Poet Paul Gerhardt) All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the Kingdom of Salvation take me home? (Burton). Cliff Burton, Metallica - To Live is to Die, in memoriam to Cliff
@SherryWilson-dk7bo 5 ай бұрын
Thank you! So thought provoking ❤
@user-qv9nw1dq2f 5 ай бұрын
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve been lied to on a regular basis. Healthy relationships require trust, honesty and open communication, none of which is present in a relationship with a narcissist, so these are not relationships but transactions which might be better called narcissistically abusive exploitationships. Thank you for your help and support dr Carter. God bless you❤
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
The narcissist IS the lie!
@treelover1050 5 ай бұрын
YES THEY ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE.
@l.5832 5 ай бұрын
It's tough when you were born to and raised by a narc, then marry one because you thought they were different. I'm alone now and will never know the pleasure of a healthy relationship.
@hartmutott4720 5 ай бұрын
I have been duped almost for 20 years by a narc spouse.
@michellepurcell8703 5 ай бұрын
I had 8 years of constant lies, from a covert narcissist. Promised a life together, gaslight, devalued, and then thrown away 😢
@yishislassieswaiting4748 5 ай бұрын
This talk is so descriptive of my experience with my ex for 30 years, yet so subtle, as he grew up in a ministry environment so it was always tempered with more Christ-like kindness, for which I'm grateful. In the end, though, his personal choices necessarily eased me out., and very few in our life together were either caring or discerning enough to realize why I had to leave. Only my relationship with God through His Word / Bible and Jesus - as I lean on them to be True - has helped me retain my sanity, learn and grow and HOPE FOR THE FUTURE TO BE worth all of the losses. Much respect and gratefulness for you, Dr. C &; >
@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын
Glad it helped!
@rosettamock865 5 ай бұрын
Been lied to for years
@fred.k9875 5 ай бұрын
If we believe them, it takes two.
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
@penijoni1316you need to go gray rock until he leaves you or go no contact from a safe place for your child ❤
@katherinejaconello7334 5 ай бұрын
Thank you for your videos, Dr. Carter. They helped me a great deal after my husband died in 2017. i became chopped liver to a lot of people. I felt like you believed in me.
@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын
I wish nothing but the best for you, Katherine.
@l.5832 5 ай бұрын
My narc sister has both blatantly lied to me and also told lies of omission. I really believe she doesn't think lying by omission is really lying. She tells me enough to lead me in the wrong direction by leaving out the main points. But then she will turn around and say she didn't LIE as if it is my fault that I believed what she told me was the entire story. I honestly feel that she doesn't believe I am WORTH telling the truth to......
@evad9752 5 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, I have the same sister. Totally sad about it. Shes very passive aggressive says one thing to not make waves and does another. Wherever way the wind vlows
@alphaomegaambassador4978 5 ай бұрын
God's 'end game' for the lying narc is the lake of fire (Rev 21:8).
@Juke582 5 ай бұрын
The compulsive lying they do is just astounding! Blows my mind 🤯
@karenfisher4170 5 ай бұрын
The constant lying, even about inconsequential things - was the worst aspect of the relationship.
@pierreostiguy2219 5 ай бұрын
Dear Dr. Carter. I think (from experience) that lie-based manipulation can be seen in people with some degree of borderline behavior too. Which is why, I suppose, some researchers came to see people with borderline as "failed, incomplete narcissists".
@Mal-wf7tx 5 ай бұрын
This was so helpful. Thank you. When I heard on multiple occasions “You can trust me. I won’t be dishonest with you” after I knew what he was (CN) and what he had already lied about, I just replied “you know people who are actually honest don’t have to declare that over and over. Your actions have spoken louder than your words”.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
You know, I had asked my spouse never to play with my emotions. He said if he stopped loving me he would tell me. Years later when I asked he laughed and said he would always love me. It's not very clear, is it?
@ButterflyB127 5 ай бұрын
“People of the Lie” by Scott Peck is a very insightful book I found very helpful.
@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын
Definitely.
@ButterflyB127 5 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing so much of your time, knowledge, wisdom and empathy. Your videos are excellent! I am so very grateful for everything I have learned from you.🙏💜🦋
@csnymoodiesfan 5 ай бұрын
I always suspected there was lying going on, especially if it meant I would be ahead in something. Always wanted to look successful and I would never achieve what she had.
@CrazyEightyEights 5 ай бұрын
Another stellar session, Dr Carter.
@tanyajohnson6066 5 ай бұрын
When they do something wrong they never admit it, that just try to point at you with your faults to make it even Steven
@snowbear1877 5 ай бұрын
I look at my sister and realise that after a lifetime of scheming, lying and calculating she is actually very lonely now that her life has almost come to an end. She could have had a good friend in me if she had treated me properly. But she made the choice to maltreat me because she saw me as a threat to her golden child status.
@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively 5 ай бұрын
Second watch of Dr Hassan cult specialist on The Weekend Show. Plan to sign up for Dr C s webinar soon. This stuff scares me.😱 Narcs lie so much they convince themselves. The inability to reflect and accept difference amazes me.
@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын
Since the people that were closest to me were liars it made me desensitized to liars.. I am starting to get more sensitive to liars..
@annewrites...8385 5 ай бұрын
Thanks to your videos, I saw through the lies of a new boss almost immediately. Within 3 days, I knew exactly what I was hearing and seeing. These checklists are so helpful. I am releasing my life by walking away earlier. I can get on with living my dreams rather than being a tool for the narcissist to be supported in theirs. I WILL NOT waste any more of my life. Thanks, Dr C. Hugs to Gus xx
@Kittykat79NY 5 ай бұрын
Gus looks so peaceful! Thank you for your work! I'm able to get through a tough time with you Dr C! I'm so grateful!
@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын
He saved my life
@marilyntill9507 5 ай бұрын
I miss my little Dog 🐶!
@teresasmith6076 5 ай бұрын
Thanks so much for these videos. It helps me have clarity on dealing with two difficult individuals. I've questioned my own reactions to these people (who happen to think they're friends....lord help us all when they start on each other).
@Faye-Texan 5 ай бұрын
Thank you Dr. C! I’m thankful for peace after ending a 34 yo marriage with a narcissist.
@joshua255860 5 ай бұрын
My elderly mother has spent a lifetime using me and other family members as her prop. She continues to just use me for filling her dance card for activities. It never gets deeper than that.
@Jo-bv3uc 5 ай бұрын
OMG... I long figured out he is a liar, but i feel so dumb for a huge detail that only dawned on me RIGHT now after 2 freakin' decades of ALL of those behaviors dominating my marriage (feels more like a 'regime', but, okay, 'marriage'). when i hear him constantly talking to himself while he shaves, is he PRACTICING his lies???? for goodness sakes, he repeats things several times sometimes!!! I just go about my business and dismiss it as self-pep talks or something. My god, he practices his lies.😮
@Hatbox948 5 ай бұрын
My ex would write down little conversations he intended to have with women he cheated with. They were like scripts, and he'd reuse them on his next victim. To me it was so weird and upsetting. I'd find them on sticky notes, note pads, etc. I don't think he cared if I'd seen them.
@JKB-ji6xl 5 ай бұрын
Like Dr. C said, they're 'very intentional in how they engage'. Almost scripted...
@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын
@@Hatbox948Wow. Akin to grooming.
@cheflynne1359 5 ай бұрын
To any victims of a Narcissist please get help don’t bury it. I’m 62 & it’s hit me now to the point i can’t ignore it anymore. It is my mother who tells everyone I’m looking for sympathy “oh poor you” It’s as evil as it get go no contact asap & get help
@lishmahlishmah 5 ай бұрын
This is a very interesting topic because the lack of empathy, theoretically, ... should hinder the ability to become such perfect liars... 🤔 Hence, I guess, they become so effective because of our healthy behaviour... (paradoxically, as usual). Most probably it's our provision of information about ourselves
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
😕 We offer them great support so they can confidently lie.
@amandahunter4034 4 ай бұрын
Narcissists enjoy seeing how many lies other people will believe. If you love and trust someone, their opportunities to enjoy their deceit are infinite. My narcissist ex even dropped in hints that he is a liar. He told me when we were first married that he really enjoyed reading a novel about two professional liars and wished he could lie as well as that. After he left me, and I'd discovered all his lies, he even had the cheek to lecture/gaslight me saying that I don't understand what a lie really is because there was always a grain of truth in everything he said!
@patricksicard_psych 5 ай бұрын
Non verbal communication and eye movements can indicate deception. The same is true of prior inconsistent statements and narcissistic individuals are consistently inconsistent Patrick Sicard PsyD
@SherryWilson-dk7bo 5 ай бұрын
Love is a power, God tells us he is love and he gives it to us so we can have it for ourselves and give it to each other and there is power in words too, He also says He is the Word. You have been given your power, do not forget that. Love and blessings ❤️ 🙏
@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181 2 ай бұрын
My brother (the epitome of narcissism) recently played the "...perception is more true than truth..." card. After falsely accusing me (for the umpteenth time) If I defend myself, he says something like "... everyone knows you're argumentative..."
@Peaceinmytime 5 ай бұрын
I so much appreciate your point about love being built upon vulnerability, because we end up sometimes feeling very foolish for making ourselves vulnerable to them.
@tatjanak15 5 ай бұрын
Oh my...you've dissected their deceitful and lying language, actions and behaviour in such virtuous detail. Amazing! If it hadn't dawned on me in the finale of our relationship that he ( the narcissist) is acting in a way which seemed like a pattern, a cliche, I might never have found out about the Team Healthy
@s.s.8029 4 ай бұрын
I deal with this daily with multiple individuals that I work with and it is so maddening! I can't tell you how many time the pots call the kettles black. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. I do my best to live out of my integrity and be genuine. I was away from the situation for a few months and honestly did not miss it.
@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын
Thank you sooooo much for your amazing videos. They are ALWAYS are very helpful. HI DEAR GUS From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын
Thanks, CynthiaAnn!
@yly5991 4 ай бұрын
My covert narc parent is a super liar. My narc parent would tell us how much they hated lying!!! But meanwhile the narc lied about so much stuff and had us fooled for a long time. 🥴🥴 The narc loved to manipulate and control us too. The narc has smear campaigned my other parent (isn't a narc) to people that they are manipulative and other lies too. The narc has a lot of credibility with people, and my narc parent is so charming with people and therefore wins them over to their side. My narc parent has also done a super smear campaign about me. The narc's mother(my grandmother) was super manipulative, controlling and charming as well! My grandmother loved to intimidate me and others too!
@ASpootifulMind 4 ай бұрын
I'm glad to know the truth, to have seen the face of deception, and to know that there is nothing to go back to. The learning just never stops, but at least I don't have to feel bad about being cautious with certain individuals.
@angelacahill9460 5 ай бұрын
I'm just a prolific YT watcher that capitalizes off of all the marvelous incredible information available to help me be a more healthy productive member of society
@MKCarol-ms7lg 5 ай бұрын
All the things said before the reveal are with a grin, after the reveal with much denial. Guess it just depends on your perception of your audience.
@sheilamustain2390 5 ай бұрын
This hits the nail on the head!
@PaigeSquared 5 ай бұрын
Yeah...why is it a problem to ask questions? My dad taught me to always ask and there were no bad questions. My mom refused to ask me any questions (still avoids when she can), and made it clear that we were not supposed to ask anything about emotions, family dynamics, nor how to navigate difficult situations. In their minds, it is my fault i did not ask for what i needed or for clarification. Must be nice to so easily believe such black and white convinctions. No consideration whatsoever regarding whether I was safe or welcomed to do so, and no thought whatsoever of a parent's role in prompting their child to be reflective and assertive. 🙄😖🤦🏻♀️ Like i was literally trained to be submissive and then they blamed me for not being assertive enough, as if they didnt know, as if they didnt directly count on that for their narrative to function. 😐
@jamaalhorton2343 5 ай бұрын
A lady told me the other day “ I don’t lie but I’m the Queen of Emissions “
@kcudahy 5 ай бұрын
Thank you Doctor C. I have watched many hours of your videos and continue to learn nuance and patterns of behavior even now as I continue to try and understand my own relationship. Thank you so much for all of this supportive and enlightening content it has made some of the darkest and loneliest days of my life feel a bit more hopeful. Again you have my gratitude for all the wisdom you’ve shared. Incorporating this knowledge into my life has helped more than I could put into words. Best always.
@SometimesMyself 4 ай бұрын
Dr. Les, every one of your videos hits the nail on the head. It’s as though you’ve met my husband.
@user-nq3kn3iq8v 5 ай бұрын
He has threatened to unalive me. He has strangled me at least 50 times till I was unconscious. I am healing very slowly, but he has damaged my vocal chords.
@jackilynpyzocha662 4 ай бұрын
They have a lot of practice lying!
@everett8610 5 ай бұрын
Thank you sir, I want that peace too.. One of your video's a month ago was the one that left me pausing it many times just having my mouth wide open as I began to realize what had been happening to me over this 4 year marriage that divorce will be final at end of this month situation. So, thank you again I had no idea what was going on, and I have had 15 months of therapy 20 years ago involving codependency. My eyes are open now and each day without her is helping me find that peace as a Christian as well. I had all the red flags going off and I ignored them because she was so charming and claimed to be a Christian too. Thanks again for your video's sir.
@Toshineko 4 ай бұрын
9:17-9:22 Narcissist: ''You want answers?'' Victim: ''I think I'm entitled to.'' Narcissist: ''You want answers?'' Victim: ''I want the truth!'' Narcissist: ''You can't handle the truth!''
@susanmercurio1060 5 ай бұрын
I call that data gathering that narcissists do "getting ammo." They always throw it up in your face afterwards.
@user-ws9tb7zt1h 5 ай бұрын
Ty 4 the VALIDATION 🧐💯😇
@KathleenBristol-rv3xz 5 ай бұрын
My husband narc. Would say,all you have to do is lie big,and people believe you! Or he would say to people I never lie. He didn't start saying these things,till after marriage.
@dakotaridgek9 5 ай бұрын
Used your link to sign up for betterhelp after a year+ of watching your numerous informative spot-on videos. Hope this encourages others to do so as well. You deserve the compensation. I even own one of your mugs. My adult daughters occasionally asks me: who is that man on your tea cup mom? I smile and say An Unknown Friend.
@jewellarrinaga5402 4 ай бұрын
Thank you for your help. With my journey on healing thank you Dr les Carter
@takz0743 5 ай бұрын
Thank you for another informative video. I feel that a very big difference with narcissists and handling them comes from their relationship with you. One who comes into your sphere of acquaintance suddenly, like a sister's boyfriend, is one thing; while a much younger brother towards whom you have already a love/care feeling is quite another. The sister's boyfriend can be skillfully avoided, but the brother, whose difficult narcissistic characteristics didn't show up until his thirties, and with whom you have spent countless pleasant hours over the years, is a much more difficult problem, and a sad one.
@johncarl8801 5 ай бұрын
Thank you1
@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively 5 ай бұрын
Good morning all. 💙 Wish this were live....
@lisaengland1048 4 ай бұрын
This was a great video. I am moving on . Thank you for supporting me 😊. And gus too!.❤
@gazoo7411 5 ай бұрын
How do narcissists interact with each other? Do they each recognize that the other person is a narcissist? I would like to see a conversation between two such narcissists... Interesting.
@t_nels 5 ай бұрын
When I was dating my husband I think his friends should have been enough of a clue in retrospect. They weren't doing well in their relationships and the friendships weren't deep but probably more transactional.
@wisdom_may 5 ай бұрын
Both my parents are narcs. They support each other in everything . The truth is they are fully aware they are lying and manipulating and they get a sadistic thrill in controlling and shocking and decimating their targets life . They high five each other supoort each others false narrative but yes , they absolutely are aware what they are doing to their target is to gain supply , to dominate to squash and destroy. They are dangerous when they meet each other . They know they are lying and doing wrong , it gives them a feeling of power to team up against the empath or healthy person . They get no thrill in hurting another narc or criminal . They go for the person they are most envious of and who they think they can destroy their good reputation . They consider that a " win " in their world .
@gazoo7411 5 ай бұрын
Sounds like my sister and her husband.....from such stay away.
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