Good point!!!

Yup! There’s your answer lol

Too true!

Exactly. Especially over the last 3 years.

@@annbritanilsson Indeed, in order to trick people into false fear and force them to destroy themselves by consenting to accept poisons and enslavement as cyborgs, if they survive. So many dead as a result.

Aye, certainty, irresponsibility, scapegoating, absolutism are indications of close-mindedness. To hear what others say but to be unwilling to have logical, heartfelt discussions and to close down discussions for dogmatic reasons creates an unresolvable false equivalency and deep-seated divisiveness. When facts and logic become disputed, where is there left to turn? I wish I knew. Turning the other cheek, at this point, does nothing to resolve the underlying issues. I'm pretty sure forcibly changing other people can never succeed. I ask, how does one allow, permit, and encourage change? Our future health depends on the answer. I'm pretty sure that authoritarianism, punishment and force aren't working as it's just more of the same. We need a paradigm shift in our thinking. I only hope we can find a solution. ✌️🙏

@@Xaxtarr_Neonraven People need Jesus to renew their minds and give them a heart of flesh rather than the heart of stone they have now.

And RAGED at. (At least in my case)

thanks for the recap, Nauone.

I’m writing these down to help commit to memory, I’m also on the second playback. Thank you for summarizing.

i find all this so depressing. all these points are going to be side stepped, denied, blame shifted back at you, you are told that it is indeed yourself that is guilty of all these things, endles lies etc.I. I guess it is helpful to ask them just to call their bluff. man has a conscience that will be pricked. but frankly, i think the only solution is to part company in the long run. the condition seems rather incurable.

@@illbeback126 im on my 3 Rd sitting of this video and I've come to the conclusion narcissists cannot face pain, they're cowards and what do cowards do..... they bully others. The recipient's then eventually break and look weaker, the narc then has their confirmation that they're stronger better and know all rights and all wrongs. We survive, like prisoners of war (that's how I felt growing up, like a captive and still now for many reasons). The thing is it's the survivors who are stronger as they've been bent and twisted hurt and harmed but still kept their morals and integrity and values. We grow, they don't. They're cowards

@@illbeback126 I agree in principle, but in the case where there are children, and it's the Narc who will likely end up with majority of custody in the case of divorce, if there is ANY chance, no matter how remote, to get them to see the damage they are doing and opening up the ever so small window into counseling, it's worth a shot before the much more dramatic and difficult process of divorce. The very best is to be honest and as objective as possible at the DATING phase, to see things as they are. Do NOT, ABSOLUTELY NOT make excuses for any of the behaviors that would tie to these questions above. The person is who they are. Pray for them, hope for them to find healing but DO NOT bring them into your life expecting "when we get married this will get better" . It won't. It will become worse because now they have unending supply... from YOU!

none that I have ever seen

They are only happy with everyone to feel more miserable inside than they do. Because a life without empathy has to be miserable right?

@@chipchippie truth

I love that phrase! It's related to one of my long-time favorites: "When someone is trying to tear you down, it means you're above them." But "You have to be little to belittle" is more compact and efficient.

He says that because he doesn't want you to educate yourself on their bs. He wants to keep you small so he can continue to manipulate you. It's all about control with the narc.

LOL 🤣 they're so bad at telling on themselves

RUN!

Omg!! Projection at its finest. Girl I hope you can escape that terrorist.

EVER

They miss on #1 and it goes downhill from there.

It's thou shall not murder NOT thou shall not kill.

@@morningglory3681 narcissists murder the empath in a psychological emotional manner with their vampire parasitic nature in toxic co dependency

@@morningglory3681 I think we all understood what she meant. :)

@@SurvivingNarcissism *Their God Mode Thinking is truly Delusional & a Cognitive License for them To Easily Abuse The Most Vulnerable soulful beings and the already emotionally damaged or abused empaths.*

It sounds like the trash took itself out! 😅 best wishes to you

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Do inner work to find out why you attract that kind of person. Next time choose wisely.

"Decided she was abused" made me chuckle and at the same time freezing cold...

You got lucky. If you had children, you would have been alienated and she would have 'gifted' her disease to the next generation. Remember that they actively prey upon the overly positive, the rescuers, the forgivers, the empathic and those that have had a narcissistic parent. Be sure to look past their love bombing and find someone who is truly capable of love. Good luck. On another note, if you are thinking of starting a family, try to find someone as far removed genetically from yourself as possible. Please try to ensure breast-feeding and do not vaccinate your children. If you can manage this with a good, empathic, normal, loving person, then your children will be golden.

I believe this is not quite possibly correct. What planet do you live on? 2 people were just arrested for what they were doing to an orphan child. This has been going on in countries all over the world. There used to be some refuge from those people, not these days. Apathy is not a solution but there are things that can be done. Just mention of such notion brings the attention of those malgnant peoples. Almost no one stands up for what is right

YES! Wish I had this Dr C; 66 years ago when "Sissy& Cousin Windy" alwYs said " YOU HAVE TO....." ( ugh)!

I agree! I'm also now free of a narcissist's influence and abuse, and it's like a huge weight was lifted. I only wish I'd learned how to spot and identify the signs long ago. I always just told myself this person was "difficult" or "high maintenance" because I was so uneducated about what narcissism truly is. Dr C and his videos have been a God-send!

@@dblack8141 And those who do stand up for the right, get punished for it.

@@shahadah1451 severely. Those who worship the beast are comfortable because they are the culprits in their third heaven. They redefine words and this church is the wokeness. Exactly as jesus recognized the pharasees are these lofty comfortable people who take great offense for imaginary gnats whilst they allow the rulers to violently oppress the peoples. Woke jesus is making people into the I Am's and calling ut creation. Look what theyre doing. Crediting thenselves for all that is good and blaming humanity and reality and rhe true word of God for all the evil

their empty souls

What's to gain from making others look stupid or unhappy? They are unhappy people and it's easier to make others unhappy than it is to work on themselves so they can be happy too. I love that the coffee shop kept soy milk for you - fantastic customer service!

So interesting! When I told my narc that a distant cousin made Chief of Police in a major city, he said” they must have been hurting for senior officers”. We have never even met this cousin!!! Crazy talk, as if he could not even take hearing good news about my relative!!

@@StarchildMagic - Yes, misery loves company! I thought the coffee shop was awesome too. They gave me a discount since they didn't charge me for milk. I used to sit in their shop and do my writing. Lovely atmosphere. How my ex behaved just didn't make sense to me, even though I'd been around people like him before. I now avoid people who constantly complain or have something nasty to say. It took me a LONG time to accept that I'm better off alone than to entertain that sort of bitter misery. I went out briefly with another man who'd make fun of people who went to gyms. He'd meet me in the drink and food area of my gym after my workout and then sit there and say crap like, "I just don't get why people go to gyms. It's stupid." Um, well, I go to work out because it's good for my mental health and to keep my body in shape since I worked an office job. I have noticed that those who always have to belittle others are quick to make snappy comebacks when you give them a sensible response. It's their motives all along: looking for a fight so they can dump their frustrations onto others. It's like a calling card for them.

I would suggest it's to keep you second-guessing yourself, off balance. They create chaos and seek the opportunity in it. They thrive when their lies result in havoc, conflict and suspicion. Evil people.

My soon to ex spouse is the same...he becomes irrational everytime I disagree with him....even when I explain my viewpoint and credit him for his opinion...he's still angry 😠

I wish you great strength on your exit. I got to the same place, arranged a secret exit, and haven't spoken to him since then. But please don't underestimate what he will do in punishment to you for it. I knew it would be bad, but it was beyond what I -- or my attorneys -- had seen before. Many times I collapsed on the floor and wept because I couldn't even make it to the bed to cry. But if we can survive being with them, we can survive leaving them. Good luck and be well!

👏👏👏

@@mgb7140 Fortunately, mine had a heart attack and died was able to live without fear of him.

Good luck and many blessings to you. You're doing the right thing at last. You have to love yourself first (not ego love, but divine unconditional love) then you can love another and it would not be a Narcissist because if you love yourself you would never attract a Narcissist who feeds upon those who don't love themselves, are not confident, nor empowered. So focus on becoming empowered and you'll find true love, if that is what you want. Once we find our own divine power within we choose what we want and on this lifetime and it may not be what others think you should. Only you can make you happy, no one else. Much love and blessings to you. Namaste.

Uh-oh. My narcy sense is tingling. There are many parents who alienate their children from the other parent. Only narcissist/(borderline) psychopaths do that. Good, empathic, normal, loving parents will maintain the unique and irreplaceable relationship a child has with each parent even if the other parent is problematic. Father deprivation is the single most common factor in criminal behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, homelessness, runaways, teen suicide among many other solely negative outcomes. If you are believing that destroying families and attacking fathers is going to be a worthy endeavor, you are mistaken to a degree of being delusional. There are so many vulnerable/covert narcissist women it is astounding. These women abuse their husbands and use them for supply on a daily basis. When she then decides to discard him, devalue him and alienate him from his children that is how they spread their disease to the next generation and they will have no end of support from law enforcement, the injustice system, the infested CPS etc. You will not be able to get one over on me and I will call you out if you try. If you want God to bless you in committing the most deadly form of child abuse, that of father deprivation, I pray and imagine that he will not. It seems you have a lack of ambiguity showing through and I will make everyone aware of these facts.

I've found the Best way to ""deal with"" them is to Not deal with them. > Evicted from my life.

Undoing the damage.

@@LindaLouise625 Amen and thank you. I am working on that. Its just a question of time.

@@tbunnyshy1 ya .. sorry if I sounded pushy. I Know it takes time for sure .. I'm a senior .. and Really just getting my Freedom :) Best to you!

@@LindaLouise625 Not pushy at all. I’m 52 hoping to get into a 55+ community. I just want peace from nonsense. Then I can grow and have regular problems. 🤣

It's nice to be acknowledged!

He loves Dr. C-very evident. ❤️🦮❤🦮

It's never too late...I'm older than you, and I'm enjoying the knowledge I've learned! New info keeps you young!

@@cymbolichuman433 Yes! Enjoy the freedom and peace!

oh same. Even now. 3 years of her silent treatment and yet when the dust has settled on the ''drama'' and rationally I do know that all I ever did was tell her that she hurt me (which she did) and it was classic DARVO with all the family enabling her, she just breezily gets on with her life, the victim of me, enjoying all the sympathy from the wider family and I'm left feeling rejected, shamed blamed and .............what the hell.

@@SusanaXpeace2u I had to give up my false hopes of being accepted by my mother and her flying monkeys, and of them seeing their cruelty and injustice. Had to accept who they are and detach emotionally.

I'm close to where you are now, I do check to see if I've done something wrong. If I did, I correct it. If my correction is denied, or if I haven't done anything wrong, BYE! Good luck to anybody going through this mess.

👍😊❤

Good notes, Shahdah.

Thank you so much...i was scrolling looking for the questions listed to screenshot...greatly appreciated!

Infantile attitude. 🎯💯😱

Yes! I completely understand and it hurts and makes you feel or something is wrong with you! I absolutely hate it!

Pack his own lunch!

Keep leaning forward, Noel. I'm so pleased to know the lightbulbs continue to turn on!!

As the vision clears….. a perfect description of the process. Keep learning….. brainwashing takes a while to scrub off!!!

Wow. He certainly gave you the unvarnished truth. I had a brother, also recently deceased, who had the same attitude. He blocked all family from the last 10 years of his life. When he was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer the final year, he chose not to reach out to any of us. One of his last friends checked in on him, and finally got him in hospice the final day of his life, all without informing us. It was the next day that the family had to arrange for tidying up the remains - claiming his body, cremation, and all the legal aspects of clearing out his apartment, taking care of the financials, etc. He was angry, opinionated, and difficult to deal with his entire life. Most all of these questions fit him perfectly, especially #5, #6, and #9. It saddens me that he refused to contact family before his death. His friend explained that he believed it would make him “look weak”, causing us to pity him.

I say "believe him".

Mariel you are so spot on. One of the things that is part of a lot that you read on narcissistic healing or healing from narcissistic abuse is this one truth. “If someone shows you who they are, believe them”

@@elizabethclarkson979 true

That’s awesome lol 👍😂

36 ugly years for me and yes they demean you by not paying attention to you or reading something while you talk but other people they will listen intently. thnak-god you are free!! I hope to be free soon!

Exactly.

Yes, we need that validation after being terrorized and brain washed. I no longer question if I'm a good person. I am good, they are not. Thanks to Dr C and many others.

and even if it had been your mother it would have ended up the same. My mother wants total compliance with her narrative. My perspective doesn't *exist* (except in the context of it being an offence to her)

And with regard to the scarring, yes, it's a vulnerability not a shame. It takes bravery to be honest in conversations and say what is challenging for us but narcs cannot go there. My mother is badly triggered by any kind of perceived weakness, so she sees the bravery of saying ''actually it hurts me when you call me sensitive/paranoid'' as weakness and she flies in to a triggered state. silent treatment. martyrdom. smear campaign. more projection. More labels. But the bizarre thing is, I have realised, she is triggered in to more silent treatment by my strength too. I didn't capitulate eventually and that enrages her more than my weakness ever did. This silent treatment is forever. She will NEVER forgive me.

I am so sorry for you. I eventually decided that there was more than narcissism going on. I try to advocate mental health but must admit that there are times when one must care for their own health. I hope you can eventually recover from the difficulties and neglect you experienced. There are so many stories and experiences in this community, and each unique yet similar. Sometimes sharing them is a step towards healing. I do wish and hope that somehow the growth and work involved can lead to recovery, productivity, acceptance and resolution. It can be a difficult journey, but ultimately worth the effort even if it takes years or even a lifetime. I chose to learn, to feel and to live. I hope you too can find courage, fortitude, hope and ultimately health in spite of your trauma. I feel what you are saying. I hope you can choose health. My trauma eventually led to seeking mental health support and years of counseling. Peace. ✌️❤️🙏

Thanks for the plug, Karen!!

I didn’t know. Thank you 😊❤

Whoops… I meant “Two Kinds of Authority.” 🤦‍♀️

Oh my goodness what other channel? What am I missing?

Thanks Karen went on a search and found it under, Dr. Les Carter. woohoo lots of new video's I haven't seen yet, gonna be binge watching for a while. lol thanks again.

I'm rather fond of him too!

😂👍

U may like his political work and voted for him even but Trump encouraged Aholes to be themselves

Capitalism rewards narcissistic behaviour. Yes it’s getting worse

I’m guessing social media anonymity may have something to do with it. People are “braver” behind a keyboard in Mom’s basement than face to face.

Everyone has a car and at least a cellphone. People feel like they're God or something.

It's the same in Europe..

Sounds like she emphasizes externals over internals.

@@SurvivingNarcissism She traded her soul for material wealth

@@gloriastreet4684 I blame this social media environment of selfies and entitlement, where everyone is a winner even if they didn't try.

@@gloriastreet4684 Good for you. She really DOES want you to be there - to use you as a punching bag. Best to step completely out of her life. You can't fix her, and you've done everything you know how, but she's determined to never let a resolution be achieved. Like other narcissists, she's just a bottomless well of venom that she wants to spew all over her targeted scapegoat - you. Best wishes to you. I recently had to embrace being done with an older sister (me-67, her-74) for all the same reasons.

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes it certainly does. However we are not given enough information about this for example how does the daughter define “bad parenting?” And we don’t know specifics of the upbringing. Also just like you can have several siblings raised by the same dysfunctional parents they see the way they were raised differently and they may have turned out differently based upon their own internal/genetic make up. I was raised by a narcissistic father and a top of the scale borderline/narcissistic mother. My sister and I did not talk for 10 years and we are now developing a relationship sadly it took the passage of both parents for that to occur but she now sees our upbringing for what it really was and has had certain things a car with her own children that causes her instantly to say how one generation raised in this function begets the next generation raised in this function and to me that was like hitting the lottery my brother who is a mini me of my narcissistic father, my sister finally said “I don’t think Marty will ever get to the point where we are“ BUT If you were to ask my parents they would immediately go into gaslighting mode and say “we loved our children we did the best for our children they turned out fine“ and if they were told that their children thought they were bad parents we got accused of trying to blame our parents for everything, of accusing our parents of bad parenting to try and get out of taking responsibility for all of our many shortcomings, of them telling us what we should do and we would “never listen“ so no parent especially if they are narcissistic is going to ever say yes my child struggled because I could have been a better parent or because I was a bad parent or because there were things I could have done differently or better etc. etc. and as you know some adult children of narcissistic, dysfunctional, or toxic upbringings become unable to do anything for themselves, difficult to make decisions etc. etc. but others overcompensate they want everyone to know that they can be and acquire and do all of these things despite the way they were treated by their parents. And respectfully I just don’t think there’s enough information for us to make a call. So,YES, On the surface I agree- it looks like this daughter values the external over the internal but I think we need to ask ourselves why Thank you for all of the wonderful wonderful information that you provide for us, we will never tire of reading it

I’m sorry 😢

Oh and how do I know that my aunt saw my moms stroke happening and didn’t take her to the ER (and of course she didn’t contact me as it was happening)? Because my aunt called and told me so herself…after the fact. My mom has expressed that she feels my aunt is getting some type of joy when visiting her and seeing her now bedridden. But what my mom is voicing I have also felt as well and agree with her that that is the case. It hurts so much to know my aunt is also enjoying the pain I have seeing my mom in this condition, thus I have started to cut all ties with her but the actions she continues behind my back do not stop the pain.

@@ginafarley6190Thank you. I know God will get me through this. I just have so much anger and now am tasked with so much forgiveness and patience to try to work on that it’s just exhausting/too much at times.

It amazes me the lengths narcissists will go, just to make others look bad. They really are demented in their thinking. I'm sorry you have to go through this. As someone who experienced major betrayal by my own family, I understand your exhaustion. Maybe you should just take a break from the situation.

You do not need to forgive your aunt for the hurt she has and continued to cause. If you can interact with her as little as possible, may you then start to deal with your feelings and move forward

Thank you, Alice!

Zero ability to empathize, zero ability to self reflect = no knowledge of self and no way to feel anything emotional ✅️

I went through this with my narc mother. I cared for her the last 5 yrs of her life. Granted, I didn't know what Narcissistism was exactly, but I did tell her everything she did to me. She, of course, denied it. You have to get it out of your system. If you can't tell your father & maybe you really shouldn't then write him a letter. You don't have to give it to him, but you can get all that crap out of your head. I wrote my dad a letter after he passed away to tell him that I was sorry for blaming him and that it took his death to see my mother for what she really was. I cried as I wrote the letter to him, but it made me feel better. It's for you, not for your father. I also wrote my NM a letter after she passed because I found out how she never wanted me or liked me and how she stolen so many of my things...some I found in the attic, others I never found and again it made me feel better. You have to find a way to get the toxic out of you. Write a letter if you can't tell him in person. But don't expect him to take responsibility or an apology. If you do it, then do it for you. He will never own up to anything, but you know this. I hope this helps. Just because they're dying doesn't give them a free pass. Just don't put yourself in harms way either. Something to think about.

I began to recognize the unhealthy relationship that I had with my mother when I was 40. I knew nothing about narc. but I now see that was how she moved through life. When I met my husband, he responded to the world like my mom so I thought that was what "love" looked like. I spent 30 more years trying to figure out what was wrong with me but got away 14 years ago. It takes time but I am getting healthier and healthier. I encourage you to listen to Dr. C and face whatever your childhood was like. With God's help, you can and WILL grow and become more and more healthy. I am so thankful that you realize this while you are so young and do not have to marry a narc and live years with him suffering his abuse. God bless and be with you.

Yes like some removed the veil from my eyes but what really gets me is why I didn’t see it sooner?

@@aliceroberts1980 I have spent too much time beating myself up for not seeing it sooner :( > I think the ONLY way a person would ''see it sooner'' is if they were of the same cloth (so to speak) .. It's kinda like being hit by a car while crossing the street and blaming ourselves for not being psychic :). I know .. crappy example .. but .. I took a longgg time to put the responsibility where it belongs . Not with me > Not with you. that's theres. You deserve Peace, Happiness, Respect & Freedom!! ((so do I)) :) I'm 65 now .. took me most of that 65 years to liberate myself (with the help of folks like our Doc C here :) ) . Still > Freedom .. Better late than never :D I really hope You have the best day Alice I'm going for a nap after shovelling snow for an hour or two!! :D

I left at 64 after 32 years of marriage. I was so cynical. Once you get out and begin seeing that not only is everyone not a narcissist, but most of them are truly good, generous, and caring, the cynicism will pass. You may still have trouble trusting, I certainly do, but you may realize that's because you don't trust yourself to make good choices about people. I wish you great healing.

@@aliceroberts1980 you didn't see it because you don't do that, wouldn't do that, and we can't understand that someone else functions that way. We expect reason and empathy from others because we give it, so it is a continual shock and disappointment when we don't get it. As I wept to my psychologist, what is wrong with me that I looked in his eyes and didn't see the lies? His immediate answer was, nothing is wrong with you. Some people are just really good liars. It wasn't you, Alice.

Isn't it awesome, I'm 70 and feel the same way. Go team healthy, Gus and Dr. C.

I used bad to the bone for awhile. 🤣

Well stated!

Keep learning, Aaron. You inspire me!

Me too!

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks for not adding a hashtag. People might talk, lol.

@@aaronkwolfe lol 🤣 I'm mean't that I'm excited to expand my knowledge. Then I saw Dr.C s comment... You are inspirational though. I won't shout too loud tho in case I spoil your street cred. 🤫

@@amandaliverpool3374 I couldn’t help but lol. I didn’t even try.

Vulnerability scares narcissists.

I work with a narcissistic and I really want to ask “on a scale of 1-10, how exhuasting is it being you?” but it would make things worst.

@@JL-co2gk You would probably get an answer like "I wouldn't be so exhausting if you weren't so difficult "

Thanks, Iza.

In my opinion probably the king of the "cardinal sins" of dealing with narcs is...💭 that they're somehow "normal" & treating them like regular people.If you slip-up & do that at all,you'll in all likelihood pay a terrible price for it😬.

I wish that I had come across this 50 years ago. Maybe I would not have married a narc. We are divorced but there is still fallout.