Drama is one of the tools in a narcissist's toolbox to make you behave in the way they want. If you watch them, they will throw their fit, and then watch you closely. It's just drama. They LOVE drama. If there is no drama around, they will make some. They will poke, prod, insult, insinuate, criticize or complain until they get a rise out of you. If you don't get upset, they will criticize you for not caring, and they will call you "cold" or "distant." There is no getting away from the narcissist's manipulation as long as you maintain a relationship with one.

"This is YOUR fault, and you CAUSED me to HAVE to punish you," even when I wasn't there!

My husband and I were just talking about something similar yesterday, how the narcissist cannot stand when they realize you see them for what they are. That's when all the tactics come out and you get barraged with everything they've got.

I used to try to mend things with narcissists. It's just a bad idea. Better to distance and warn others.

Before I understood what Narcissism really was, I recall a time when my father wanted me to take him to his doctor's appointment. I readily agreed and stated that I would like to bring up his mood swings as they were getting pretty intense (again, I didn't know what narcissism was at that point). The moment I brought up discussing his mood swings with a medical professional, it was like a switch was flipped. He started yelling, screaming, insulting me, throwing things and "threatening to call my brother". My brother is a narcissist himself and was happy to play the role of flying monkey in this situation. My brother brought him to his appointment, pretended I was crazy for suggesting our father had mood swings and further entrenched both of their narcissism. I eventually went No Contact and haven't spoken to either in over 2 years 🙂. Its the only way to deal with narcissists.

“If I can’t have it, NOBODY can!”

The narcissist envisions "itself" as creator and destroyer. IT destroys everything ~ mistaking this as creative action (remaking a world which they cannot accept).

Wow, I just experienced this last night. My roommate got ridiculously enraged. I pled my case, but he was still yelling. I said, without yelling, I won't be part of this conversation anymore. He chased me upstairs and forced his way into my room, yelling into my face at a distance of 9 inches. I spent the night at a hotel and texted him I was moving out in 30 days, and now I am in a new living situation.

My ex became over-the-top angry at the drop of a hat. His anger was always disproportionate to whatever was going on. Once he started yelling, he could go on for what seemed like forever. He'd start screaming about one thing, then he'd launch into a tirade about things I supposedly said or did in years past. He'd start throwing things, cursing, making threats, and sometimes hit, kick, slap, punch, and spit. The more he raged, the worse he acted out. Hours later, he'd act as if nothing had happened. Looking back, it was totally surreal.

All this needs regarding explanation is the following: If they can't have it their way, they will take the ball and leave the playground and leave you standing alone confused.

Some narcissists DO admit they're wrong, but they do it in a holy, "mea culpa" kind of way. "I'm a big enough person to admit when I'm wrong, so you're lucky to have me around." It's just another way to avoid being accused.

SO ready for this. We live in a sick world and my family is included.

Doctor, this was like a lens coming into focus on a pivotal day in my life. I have been grieving and confused about how one of the people who abused me as a child managed to emotionally harm me as an adult and why they did this over something that was not even my fault, but I see now they were just in burn it down mode. I have been trying to decipher this day for twenty years and now I get it, it feels like I can finally move on at least from that one day of evil. Thank you doesn’t begin to speak of my gratitude.

Their theme song is literally "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better"🙄🤣🤷‍♀️🤮

This describes my husband to a T at some of his worst moments. He then insisted we not speak on a long flight home. Fine by me! He passed away a few years ago. Surprising how little I miss him. In heaven maybe he's a happier individual.

I’m dealing with my 83 year old grandfather who behaves this way. Everyone in the family lies to appease him and coddles him because he is abusive but not me. I refuse to do that and he HATES me because of it. Starting random arguementa with me. Trying to bait my husband into a fight so he can call the police on him etc…he is a really dark person. Oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️ I’m walking away from these people like they never even existed to begin with. The best and most freeing decision I could ever make.

Hell knows no fury like a Narcissist scorned! This video sums it up perfectly! Thanks, Dr. C and Gus!

Since my desire is to just understand, I've learned that learned that I have to let myself off the hook for being categorical when it comes to narcissists. Anyone who employs the scorched earth policy should immediately occur to you as someone not worthy of your investment nor your better self. As Dr. C has said, it's a pitiable existence they live; deep down they can't help themselves or stop themselves, so they create this ludicrous reality where somehow it's never their fault.

"And it's so unnecessary". Yes, and this is what makes it so maddening.

I laughed so hard as he said that a narcissist will claim that someone else messes their wonderful quality of life, as I was told so many times that I am messing her quality of life and life would be wonderful with out me.

Totally my mother - I'm immediately thrown to the curb and given cold shoulder.

Why do Adult Narcissists exhibit childish behavior and Covert bully tactics to project their own fears into others?

Do not be unevenly yoked!

Creating chaos. violence. bullying. screaming. threatening. blaming. why did i tolerate this (try to be "good enough") for so long?

They cannot go further than superficial, I don't recall ever having any kind of deep conversation with them I do recall trying to have a moment to share my feelings with them and it exploding into a day-long multi-day long just berating me to my face behind my back. So I learned from a young age to wear the mask for safety's sake.

After more than 3 decades of marriage to a Narc, I have come to the conclusion that... The marriage was like being in a tumble dryer...upside down, inside out, & finally when the machine gets turned off for one reason or other, you end up very bruised & confused! They can only help themselves - you can not fix them. 👍 Step aside, & stay safe.

My sister told my ex husband that I was always difficult to control. As though it was her right to control me.

I have shared this before... this summer my youngest sister crashed my vehicle into our Mom's house and then drove her jeep to my house and set my house on fire 🔥 Her blood alcohol was.222 She was upset because she was mistreated as a child. My house 🏡 was saved thank God 🙏

The narcissist's 'burn it down' mentality reminds me of a two-year-old's tantrum. I was in such a 'find out what happened and how can I fix it' mode that took me more than 10 years to realize I had outgrown my own terrible twos back when I was two; why was it taking him so long? When I left my ex-narc husband, I left without regret or grudges -- I was just done and moving on. I wasn't interested in figuring him out any more; I just knew that I had grown too old to still be struggling with anyone's full-grown, two-year-old mentality.

This is just what it is like. 24 / 7 . It's not 2 people trying to figure out what works for both. They turn it into a compation, who will lose or win

Team Healthy to the narcissist (s): "Hey, can we talk about what just happened? Please? The narcissist (s) to Team Healthy: "Who, me? I don't think so. That's stupid. Just do what I want and you'll be fine! Otherwise, there's nothing for us talk about!!!" Lol 🙃

I woke up at two am again, from a nightmare. Thanks for this video. I always learn something about them.

I need to focus on the fact my narcissistic mom saw me as a threat, that's why she raged at me so much ☹️.

My son calls it “the nuclear option” that his sister takes when not getting her way.

Not only is there the horror of a problematic relationship founded upon unending conflict, but there is also the deep regret and the feeling of sadness, sorrow and loss for the beauty and blossoming of a companionship that could have been instead, instead of comfort, discovery and sharing, we are left with tension, fear, apprehension and the constant stress of preparedness for fight or flight. So few understand what it is like that it is also like being alone. My heart goes out to you. You aren't alone. Others truly understand what such relationships can feel like and therein lies solace.

Hearts being attacked again 😢

It’s like Dr. C watched my breakup and then made this video. I have never felt so validated! Our fight started off as a small tiff. It blew up into him telling me (well, screaming at me) everything that’s wrong with me. In actuality it was just a lot of projecting. I wanted to resolve the issue. He wanted to win. We were engaged but I guess I dodged a bullet

My sister tells me that her friends are more like family than me. I am done, I don't care anymore, they can have her.

Wow it's really sad how miserable they truly are!

There were two times in my married life I was left vulnerable: once, when I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroidism , and when I broke my ankle and was out of work for 2 1/2 months. This enraged my ex, and she used it to punish me, because I was NOT doing everything I did before I got sick or hurt. When the going got tough.... it was MY fault. She pretended that she would "do everything she could" to help me, but those were only words. Her actions told me I was at the BOTTOM of her list of concerns.

Been 2 years of vacillating between MONTHS of silent treatment and then a total wave of false accusations. When my husband and I don’t react, right back to the silent treatment for a few more months! We call the false accusation waves that punctuate the cold shoulder “hurricane season” 😅

I've been going through all of this for nearly 2 years now. All I did was accidentally succeed at something I am good at and enjoy and another family member could not have control over it so they decided that it was best to try and burn my life down at all costs even if it means they go down too. A normal person is happy to see family and friends succeed. Not mine. It's a constant attack for things that are not even real and they admit that are not real. It's just petty angry jealous spite for the sake of wasting my time and life gains because they can still get away with it.

Bingo! No contact. Forever. Who in their right mind would miss this garbage?

My narc husband told me in a threatening manner- “Do NOT contradict me. Do NOT correct me! Tell me I’m right and move on!” I’ve learned to go along to get along over the years but now I’m learning to just be ok with accepting his lack of acceptance of our differences and I go do what I need to do to take care of myself. I don’t bother with these conversations anymore. It’s the best I can do for now. Thank you, Dr Carter, for the support! Your doggy is so cute!

I have a few Narcissists in My Family and try to go no contact as my Mental Health depends on it!!!

Sadly you are ALWAYS describing my daughter in law who has estranged us from our precious son. You are spot on every single time. His father and I are heartbroken. They hold their two precious children as collateral to punish us. It’s been seven years and we are sick of being sick of it. All of your videos describe her to a T….We are devastated that our only child allowed himself to be so manipulated and brainwashed. We had a very loving and beautiful relationship until he met her. She was and is a bully with an agenda from day one. I don’t think this will ever improve while he is with her and I do not see that changing anytime soon. At least when I’m gone, I will be pain free. This has shattered our world. We could not have predicted this in a million years. She has won. Thank you for your wonderful knowledge and making me feel like we are not going out of our minds wondering what we did wrong.

22 years of reality that wasn't real.

I had pets as a child, but they always died. Someone killed them. Mum was completely devistated. She gave me a kitten, I had it for some weeks. Then one day coming home from school, nobody was there, but I found the kitten sick and I think they took him somewhere, for I never saw him again. A perfectly healthy, lively little kitten. So adorable. Now I don't have even a little songbird. Afraid I one day will find it dead. (that's what I learnt could happen). It became a problem for me. Maybe a goldfish? It's absolutely true. I was only nine-ten.

I work in the ER and see this a lot and on the receiving end at times.. always remember it’s them not you!! In my own relationships as well..not appreciative but not phased either.. I’m not going to be controlled by your ridiculous behavior.

My daughter and mother (both narcissists) can never sit down and talk with me about things. Soul-searching is not in their repertoire. They also minimize everything good about me. That is why I am now going on my seventh month of low-to- almost-no-contact with them. And "it's the end of the world as we know it--I feel fine.". . Hahaha

My narc sister destroyed our relationship permanently and caused a major family rift because I wouldn't go to her adult daughter's birthday party on a major holiday. I'd been sacrificing for 21 years to go. We were done sacrificing our holiday for a now adult. So narc sis went beserk and started false accusations against my 13 year old son. Totally destroyed our family relationship over one party a year. I have never been happier. Feels like I had a parasite on my soul and now I'm free. So crazy to know it's common narc behavior.

Yes it's the blame and shame game with the narcs. I've been dealing with the silent treatment for the last few days. She over reacted to something I didn't say. I know it sounds weird but she expected me to react to one of her comments and I didn't react the way she expected so she blew up once again. I've really had enough of this crap.

I am really beginning to understand who they are. For example, sometimes they give the silent treatment and when you aren’t upset about the silence they rage (burn it down). If I am not careful, my feelings get hurt again. I have to constantly remember to NOT have hope in a relationship with them.

She burned down the marriage. You’re exactly right. And worse yet the people who could’ve helped keep us together refused to listen. And the court system was more than willing to help her. In fact her lawyer cost her absolutely nothing. The state used my tax dollars to pay her lawyer. This is how it works today. The state hates marriage and is more than willing to help destroy marriages. And of course just by saying the truth I look like a narcissist. Truth means nothing to these people.

Any grown Sons (I'm 57) with a textbook narcissist Mother? Figured her out 5 years ago and she's gotten worse since then. Very happy I figured it out, even as late as it was. Spent a lot of time with her at her house over last summer. It was HELL. Seriously messed up some of the shit she said and did. I still can't believe it. Did NOT "go home" for Christmas and it was so nice! She's 75 and in bad health.. she had two mild strokes this past summer and even tho she died two times or more .. she was still the same mean, hateful and miserable woman.. only worse. It's hard to deal with because up until I figured her out I thought we were close, best friends even. Not anymore. It's so draining and so ridiculous of her. Sad. Anybody else have a toxic narcissist Mother? If so, how do you handle it?

This is exactly how my narcissistic mother is. I had to go no contact.

I'm paying for the 2 years my x couldn't see our 4 children while he was in prison. The cost: 12 yrs alienated. " Good now you know how I feel" Hard to find any words for THAT!

It's always about them and their inability to know their own truth from own lie

Doc, it's as if you were right there, listening to my mother screaming at me! I am so grateful for your teachings. Thank you!

Episodes in the car with one are the worst. To get in a vehicle with one is a trap.

Dr. Les Carter's knowledge is invaluable! I find so much comfort and peace in his teachings, but particularly the words spoken at the end of each video, right before he reinforces D.R.C, Dignity, Respect & Civility, which I have come to refer to as closing arguments, for lack of a better way to describe it. "So narcissists, when difficulties come, instead of maturity showing up in a moment like that, they burn their bridges". Invaluable information and insight! Thank you Dr. Carter!

My two children and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking and laughing. My husband, just out of the blue said, " if you don't stop I'm going to tear down the temple walls!" I still don't understand why he said what he did. It was a light and fun occasion for the kids and me.

This describes my child, and how he treats me. It's so sad, because I know he's so unhappy, and his own worst enemy. He's a 41yr old, I'm 68, and I've told him I can't help him anymore. I'm not qualified to give him the help he needs. In the meantime I feel safer without him near me, and less stressed when he's ghosting me. I know he thinks he's punishing me, and I wish him wellness, but I have to take care of myself now.

When in full-blown, burn it down mode & when nothing makes sense any longer, I play clown/circus music in my head, to help not go down the rabbit hole of getting hooked by the narcissist. Works well to lighten the load of manure that's being tossed at me.

Just finished your book, “Enough about you, let’s talk about me” and love your videos. Your guidance and insight have been invaluable to me and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say you saved me from going off the deep end. I hope to use these lessons to help my children avoid my missteps.

I've realized that having been raised by a malignant narcissist with sadistic tendencies, I lacked emotional regulation when I felt attacked. I think a lot of people raised by malignant narcissists develop bad habits because they have little choice. However, I think inability of the narc for self-reflection is the main difference. What I see in myself is more of a self-preservation and defensiveness to protect myself. This comes after a lot of provocation by narcissistic types. I get along well with people who don't do this. I don't like conflict. I have strong values and I used to get angry when I caught on to people attempting to devalue me. I have learned that the reaction is their reward. They feign for this reaction like it is a drug.

narcissist like to run everything into the ground!

I was given the silent treatment for the last time, almost a year ago by my narc sibling. It was a punishment for giving her spouse marital advice to seek counseling. He later wrote us and admitted he lied to us about her but we received the punishment for giving him advice but he called it disrespect. Keep in mind, it was his email but her tone of voice. “He” cut us off, again. My husband and I went ahead and let it be a permanent silent treatment. The back and forth, drama, blame game, lies, etc. we’re done with for good. Since then, we’ve had such peace and clarity! When the narcissist burns down the house, don’t rebuild it! Walk away and live in peace ❤

You've described my mother to a t. Thank you for helping me feel less alone in this.

Regarding 'confrontation' - they can 'dish it out' but 'can't take it'!

Yes they love to threaten to "bring the whole house down"...just because she didn't get what she felt entitled to. Selfishness is out of control. I only wish I didn't ignore all the red flags. Anchored in a mindset of judgement ALWAYS

I’m in shock. This is the first time someone explained this scenario exactly how it would go… I would literally end up apologizing and walking back my needs and ideas on how to fix things… I would beg for him to not throw it all away… he quite literally would yell, “I will burn this entire thing down, you think I care…? I don’t care!” And then suddenly, I would be scared and worried and overwhelmed and go into recovery mode to try and calm him and beg him to forgive me for what I’m asking of him. Maybe you’re asking what was I trying to discuss or ask for… LOVE.

I had an 8 month relationship with a narcissist but I got out! Before the damage was done! I was married to a narc years ago.

My ex husband was such a drama queen that I was forced to admit that I understood why men would run out of an argument, to the nearest bar.

Yep. Thank you Dr C. Sometimes I get angry because of all this time and heartache I have wasted in and around these 'Meanies', this is one of those times. Short lived because it is all too exhausting. Thank you Dr Carter and Gus for all your help and guidance : )

Week 2 of waiting till the wife goes to counseling.... 1 week with no sleep, and many threats..... yes I agree I'm the problem.....

I remember my ex telling me that he wouldn’t do the reasonable thing I wanted him to do until I did everything he wanted me to do differently.

You're a real lifesaver Dr. Carter , thanks again for the daily dose of medicine!

It's like you were a fly on the wall in my home with my narcissistic ex. Your videos are on point. My ex loved drama and told our therapist he enjoys seeing people in conflict or arguing. It gave him a thrill His parents were abusive to one another and I truly believe my ex has some trauma that he refuses to deal with. He took a lot of his anger out on me both emotionally and physically. He loved to blame me for vacations going wrong or for our marriage falling apart. He would tell me we shouldn't go on vacations together and try to go by himself. I personally now think he was trying to justify leaving me home alone. Boy, he was good at manipulating me into apologizing at the end of every argument.

"Get out of my house!" was one of mom's most pathetic oneliners. The spark was just a minor argument, family quarell. But to her, this was a reason for a total meltdown. It wasn't even her house. Dad owned 50% lol. I still don't know what crime I committed. Why was I treated like a criminal? Because she was disturbed, I suppose. Get out of my house.. Lol

So far my reputation hasn't been to damaged to bad we live in such a small town... i basically said ill have your back IF you have mine for once in our lives!

My person I live with sneaked in a phrase.."My panic attacks". Referring to herself. Well, that description of her full bore been burning sounds like denial and Gaslighting. Remember, You're a witness to them, and thus a liability. They need to control any possibility that you discuss them to others.

I'm worried. My narc is a parent, who used my proximity to abuse me. Thoroughly. I returned home as an adult to help care for my adult big sister, who'd recently become incapacitated. For nearly 3yrs, I endured every type of demonic and delusional aspect of narcissism one can, so I left. It wasn't easy, as every attempt over those 3 yrs resulted in more hate and sabotage, than I cld even breathe around. But I got out. My sister, whom I love....is still there. She isn't harmed, at least not in the way I that I was, but she's there. And now that I am gone, I get long msgs each morning, from my abuser, who cldnt have hated me more if she tried, while I was there, now telling me how much I am missed. Down to my hugs and smiles. I don't remember any hugging, but stay w/me... I don't respond. So then, I eventually get the I AM SO WORRIED FOR YOU! msgs... Asking me to pls respond. And within two days of that, I get msgs pertaining to my sister. And her needs. One saying that she's asking for me (she has extreme memory loss AND doesn't speak), but I highly doubt that. Nor do I believe that if she "asked for me", it was anything but mere curiosity about why I haven't come down the hall that day. Within a couple days of those msgs, I get msgs asking me to help program a new TV with her apps, as the old TV "somehow" got demolished. Questionable, all by itself. I almost called tho. Her tv is all she has and I hate to think that she isn't happy or entertained. But then, my right mind came in and I reread the msgs...wondering why I wld be needed, for a broken TV? All of her apps are on one stick. Which (according to the msgs) wasn't destroyed. Anyone in their right mind knows that you just plug it into the newer TV and keep it moving. No password recovery. No drama. Yet... That was one day ago. When I wokeup today, there was another msg. This time telling me to pls come be by my sister's bedside. That she's been in a bad way for more than one day in the week (whatever that means) and that she's calling out for ME, of all ppl. Keeping in mind that when I paused my life to care for my sister - and my Mother, really... She had zero qualms of telling anyone who wld listen that I WAS the demxn in the home and that I was not only no help, but that I regularly terrorized her and my helpless sister. But now, I am the beloved daughter who my supposedly 'terrorized sister' can't stop asking for. I worry....bcuz I see where this is going. And knowing who this woman is, I can't put it past her that she might cause the rapid deterioration of my sister's health JUST to back her story and get me back into her grip. I worry for my sister. I love her. And she is helpless. Helpless to someone who I know for a fact will do whatever she needs to get the attention she wants. Even destroy a beloved daughter. Like she destroyed me. Or, tried to. I feel helpless now. And I don't know what to do. Any relatives have long ago deserted me, due to her lies and attempts to keep me isolated and unhappy and unsupported. Many of those ppl still believe the absolute worst about me. And that can't be helped... But what about my sister? When I wokeup today, on my phn screen was - her newest msg and - this newest Dr. C clip. Which ironically discusses scorched Earth. Something I've come to fear. She needs her drama fix. She also needs to feel loved. She's getting neither. And I imagine she wakes early each day (msgs are typically timed for 4am-ish) feeling the emptiness she caused. For herself. I've seen her desperate. And I can't get around the lump in my gut.

You and Gus did it again! You helped me to be aware and stay aware that my narcissist brother feels compelled to try to light great big fires of anger whenever there's a need for us to talk in a respectful way about any differences between us, even tiny differences. It's my job to stay out of the fire and not add to it. Sometimes I slip into my own reactivity by raising my voice in response to his bait, but I"m getting better at staying out of his traps, thanks to you and Gus and your combined rivers of enlightening, heartwarming help over the years. I really can't thank you and Gus enough!

Perhaps this was too obvious to mention, but 'burn it all down' for the vulnerable 'covert' narcissist is withdrawal, silent treatment, ghosting. Essentially accomplishing the same thing - destroying the relationship.

Facing this right now. My (estranged, narcissistic) wife left 7+ years ago, taking whatever she wanted from the marital home, and leaving all the rest behind. Same with the kids. So upon my return home, I went room to room, reclaiming them by condensing what I assumed would be of value, and eliminating debris. I’ve been here ever since, but am realizing that this big 3+ bedroom, 2 bath, 2 living room, plus sunroom and garage is too much for me to maintain, let alone improve for sale. She gets half, with none of the cost. I knew that getting a realtor to take it on would be hopeful at best, as I fully expect she’ll want (and fully expect) a payout much more than the house can bring in. So I contacted a cash option (We’ll buy your house for cash) company who would take the place, as is, and deal with everything left behind, and then flip it. My sister stepped in to be the go-between with my wife, and got my wife to suggest a realtor. Realtor confessed the cash option looked more promising, but still gave a listing estimate higher than the cash option guy. Cash option guy sent a contract to sign, with a March 1 turnover date. I signed it. She ghosted. If she refuses to sign off on a sale, my only option remaining is to let it default, and we both end up with nothing (at best, and on the hook for remaining mortgage if auction price doesn’t cover principal remaining). At this point, I’m okay with walking away with nothing, if she’s gonna burn it down. I kinda expect that. I’m grateful for this perspective, Dr. C. It is easier to let go of something when I realize I have no control if the outcome.

My favourite from the N…( my mother) “Libby, we need to talk” Ya right!!! Lol that never happens! Guess things just didn’t pan out for her when I finally went no contact!

Another winner! It helps me cope to hear my reality described so succinctly.

You are absolutely right ✅ Such waste of my energy and emotional wealth!!! Good riddance, it was hard to survive but never again, God willing. Thank you for your empowering teaching all these years 👏 😌

Your amazing.....I am facing a divorce after 40 years of a very tumultuous marriage, and yes I came from a very emotionally dysfunctional family. When the kids were little there was so much going on, that I didn't have the strength or money to leave, also I really thought love was enough, and I did love him. I'm now struggling with the familiar discomfortable fake sense of comfort, and moving forward. In the last 4 years I have learned that not only was I wounded as a child and needed to work through that but that he too was very broken. You have helped me to heal but I am struggling with being rejected again..... he is not faithful, and has had numerous affairs. I have realized that he is on the high end of covert narcissism, as is his mother. He and my MIL have destroyed the relationships with my children to a point that the real intimacy of mother child especially for my girls will forever be altered. But God uses you to speak to my heart and I treasure being a part of your team healthy.... so thank you for giving me the resources and ability to not feel so alone or "crazy" as I've been told I am. Your video today hit the nail in the head.... but at 57 after doing what I felt was right for my children and by my moral compass I'm tired and just fearful that I may be so broken from this trauma bond that I won't be able to truly trust again? I feel I have grown immensely over the years with counseling and just seeking out why I chose what I chose, but this last hurdle, of the rejection of my lifes dream of having a loving whole family... is the next battle I must fight in my mind and overcome. Is this normal to feel tired of fighting for what I now know to be a fairly normal dream for your life? I don't expect perfection but sheesh I'm just so tired of this battlefield, I'm fearful that if a good person ever comes along that I won't recognize it out of fear of rejection, or that they might not be as truthful as they seem. Are there key points to look for so I don't reject or push away a genuine person or cling to someone who feels somewhat normal to me but is narcissistic in nature????

This is just spot on. Literally living this now.

My struggle is keeping in touch with the constructive ways to respond. I've become an automatic response and supply for my narc. So sad that it is my mom. It is nice to know I am not alone. Thanks Dr. C.

Narcissistic rage…Very disturbing

This was so refreshing . It's taken over 59 years to understand that it doesn't matter how direct your family member is if they are out to destroy you and burn everything down over and over eventually you grow up and find out what the reality is and that is that a narcissistic personality seldom changes. Everyone bends backwards to help them but in the end those efforts result in other forms of manipulation and burning material. I loved the last part , I am not about disrespect and incivility but the opposite, dignity respect and civility, if that means not opening a window of opportunity by letting them in to restart the clock then that's what it is, I've gone no contact for almost a year and the other person now has nice relationships with other family members and now treats her church friends nicely and is open to letting them help her, good for her, I wish the best but I need to lay low so that I don't become the center of gravity again for her negativity. These videos mean so much.

Thank you for sharing the light and truth❤❤❤

Knowing how a "discussion" will always end up with my husband (all the outcomes you've outlined), I no longer allow it to get started to begin with. I've tamped down my reactions to flipping out only about every two - three weeks. Here's the problem for many of us - when you are well into your 70's, divorce is economically not always possible. I envision a future with separate bedrooms to compliment the rest of our separate lives. 😄

* * * "These individuals are anchored in a mindset of judgment (belief, verdict)." * * *

The scorched earth society

Yes it is all their way or no way. Their needs rule. They wear you down or try to trigger you for the reactions. Then they point the finger at you as the abusive one. The original concern never gets addressed. It gets lost. I look back recently and see the trigger of waiting days for her to respond to a text I sent about I cannot do a relationship with no communication. I truly see it as a trigger at this point-deliberately done. I texted on day 3 (she got back on day 4 saying she needed time to write/think). My texts were a bit needy/pathetic. I think it was deliberate. I am so tired of this. I have been basically no contact 3 weeks. I have no idea how much longer. Maybe forever. They won’t let anything you say be different. They take it as criticism and it is sometimes a narcissistic injury. They do not forgive. They hold grudges and look for ways to punish you.

WE NEED LEGAL ADVICE!!🙏🙏🙏 They are formidable liars who want you responsible for their criminality (false imprisonment ultimate burn down strategy) They will use you for ANYTHING once they have you isolated🙏