I’m 69yrs old and have been free from the narcissist 5yrs and still need these videos to keep me grounded. I wasn’t crazy as he always said I was! As a senior living on a very low income I couldn’t afford on going therapy and Dr. Carter has been a lifesaver for me. THANK YOU 💙

1. Cannot admit character defects 2. Cannot resist the urge to criticize 3. Cannot be objective in the midst of disagreements 4. Cannot let go of a competitive mindset 5. Cannot develop an appreciation for the unique qualities of others 6. Cannot manage their own personal emotions 7. Cannot think or communicate with the freedom of others in mind 8. Cannot be authentic

This makes me want to cry. You have accurately described my husband of almost 50 years. To outsiders he is a handsome, talented, considerate man. I know who he really is. It has only been in the last 5 years that I discovered that he is the problem, and I’m not crazy, emotional, guilty, or whatever else he said I was in order to diminish me. My Christian faith is what has kept me with him all these years. Now, I am almost 71 years old, and I definitely don’t have the financial means or the physical ability to work and live on my own. In so many ways he is a great person, but that nasty narcissism overshadows all the good things he has to offer. I have never said all of this stuff to anyone in my life, ever! It just makes me so sad. Thank you for helping me find myself again. Although I hate that anyone has to experience being married to a narcissist, it is comforting to know that I’m not the only one living like this.

“An underdeveloped whiner” .. you said it!! It is not any adult’s job to drag an overaged toddler through life. Run!!

Narcissists loves criticize others but they cant stand any criticism themselves. Talk about having zero self awareness.

The competitiveness of Narcissists! Always arguing, always having to one up you. They are truly mentally and emotionally unstable people.

Honestly, walk away from narcs.

Literally, you will go "crazy " trying to figure them out. Life is to short...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

Narcissists are forever playing the games of “gaslighting” & “one up you.” The unnecessary competition is exhausting.

A narcissist is a person who will keep you from seeing your loved ones and then accuse you of abandoning them. You really just have to avoid and/or get away from these people.

"Your freedom scares them" is exactly right. I have known many family members who are narcissists and they act as though you attacked them when we just live our own lives differently from them. God tells us plainly in His word not to be around narcissists or we will end up being like them. I understand what this means, they poke and poke and poke until we feel like blowing up. I never let them get to the third poke and then I stay away from them.

I had 5 kids. The narc, all by himself, was the problem child. My 5 kids were never a problem.

My marriage was shaky from day one, but when I said to the narcissist that we could go into counselling to try and sort things out, he said, 'Why should I do that when it isn't my fault, it's yours.' You can't discuss anything with these individuals; In the end, after 40 years, I was the one that said 'Goodbye' to our fractured relationship.

It all adds up to control. Control makes them feel powerful and important which feeds into their deep seeded feeling of feeling inferior to others.

Communication Self-reflection Insight Accountability Acceptance of differences Boundaries (setting and respecting) Being alone Handling and controlling their emotions Accepting flaws (and that there's no such thing as perfection) Disagreeing without blaming Hearing feedback without getting irritated ...and so on There are so many, I am curious, which you will focus this video on

Summoned the book, 'All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten' as it seems to be counter to Narcissism in a way...sharing, being kind to one another, cleaning up after themselves & living a balanced life of work, play & learning. 📚

Narcissism is the replacement of the inability to find ones purpose in life with pettiness. Empathy should not be confused with sympathy.

I noticed that if you point something out to a narcissist, sometimes they see it as a personal attack. This sometimes results in the narcissist flipping a switch and viciously attacking you. You're left wondering why your goid friend, the narcissist has suddenly become your eternal enemy. 🤷‍♀️

One of the most energy draining, soul eating traits of narcissists is their temper tandrum mentality. Ok, we have different oppinions, can we just go on with our normal life now? No, never, always: temper tandrum. That's so frustating.

Everything you just said is absolutely right. I have struggled with my husband for 55 years and could not understand why he is like he is. It was on the 3 July this year that I discovered that he is a narcissist, I had no idea. The shock was tremendous and took me sometime to settle down to this. Now I listen to you, Dr Carter, and other professionals talking about narcissism, and I am blown away that there are people out there who understand and explain simply, exactly what is going on. I am so appreciative to you all and will continue listening and learning. Thank you so much.

10:12 How often have you questioned in your mind "Why is it that I simply can't get through to this person?" ..... So, so true .....

You’ve actually described my husband to a T. The aggravating part is I didn’t realize he was a narcissist, because he was so damn good at it until after he was dead. The strange part was when he died I never showed a tear. I surprised myself and I haven’t been unhappy for one second.

It's so bizarre how any little comment can be taken as an insult and turns into a full blown argument. It really is bizarre. Multiple times I stop and say "how did you go from this simple comment I made to THIS?" IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL THE THINGS YOU LISTED HERE. they simply don't know how to have a conversation at all

Narcs are scary predictable. Each is slightly different, but they all exhibit the same hallmarks.

“Someone needs to be an adult..” spot on. Don’t react to them. Use few words & then remove yourself from the person. If possible forever! Yep, “leave them in your rearview mirror.” Life’s too short to have the chaos & pain a narcissist creates in your life. Peace of mind, grab it. Great video Dr. C.❤

One of my narcissists writes letters to family members telling them how to run their lives. She feels perfectly entitled to do this. She can't let anyone be free to be themselves. I once asked her, "Do you not see we are two very different people?" Control is their primary goal.

“Someone in this equation needs to be an adult” well said Dr C😊

Definitely not kindness or consideration which was ALL I wanted!

But narcs cannot tolerate even a hint of direct criticism; they even misconstrue an intended compliment as criticism and react with instant vocal rage 😕

Trying to see these skills from the perspective of a Narcissist: 1. Communication "I am using the right words, but not for understanding you, just for getting you exactly where I need you. Words are just used to manipulate you. I am using language and my voice to hypnotize you, which can be endless monologues to pull you into my desillusional world." 2. Connecting "I am not able to connect with you for I have no possibility to enter your world. I am blind to see you as you are. I can only see my world, an inner world of emptiness." 3. Love "I am not able to love for I do not know what love is. I need your admiration and conformity because at my core I hate myself." 4. Conflict solving/Anger management "I cannot handle conflicts for I am recognizing threats everywhere and every threat turns out into anger or rage, which keeps me stuck in myself as I am using my anger only as a defense mechanism instead of solving/growing." 5. Happiness/Peace "I am not able to feel any kind of positive feelings like happiness or a neutral, balanced feeling as peace. In my body I can only feel negative feelings like anger, jalousy, envy etc." 6. Team-Player "I cannot be a team player for there is only one team that's important: the me-above-all-team. I can only dominate you for the world is a competition and I need to win in every situation." 7. Self-reflection/insight "How could I self reflect when there's such a huge chaos inside of me, that pushes me from one moment to the next? By the way, I do not have time to reflect because I need to look for my (new) supply 24/7." 8. Moral compass/Truth/Reality "Who will tell me what's right or wrong? My narrative is always right for I can change every lie into my truth. The reality is my power over you, isn't it?"

Relying heavily on the outside world is a guaranteed recipe for disappointment. No wonder they're always so upset.

My father confronted me ,as I came out of my doctors office. He was waiting by my car. He had a full on tantrum on the sidewalk. Trying to manipulate me over something. Mind you, I was 65 at the time and he was 88! Even though I was shaking at the time, I didn’t engage with him. I walked to my car, got in. He was standing behind my car with his arms folded. I started to back up, praying I didn’t hit him. Thankfully I made it and off I went. He had badgered me my entire life. Later he mentioned it to my daughter. He was incensed that I said nothing to him, got in my car and drove off! This was our last confrontation...and I won!

accountability. 8 times. they simply can not do it - admit they have flaws like the rest of us flunkies and stop behaving like children. no one wants a perfect person anyway.

I'm in the same situation you just described. I'm 69 years old; married 47 years; trying to be a godly wife ... The realization that I have given my entire life to this is staggering. We have much in common, my friend. Peace.

Narcissists DREAD AND FEAR self reflection- it’s their curse their karma and their infinite Hell

The narc in my life always said "I'm doing the best I can with what to have to work with" which was the left-handed way to say "I'd be just fine if I wasn't saddled with you."

The worst thing about them to me is the way they project everything onto their victim. None of us are perfect; but it's hard enough facing our own flaws without having theirs projected onto us.

My covert narc sister finally admitted she held a 25 year grudge against my dying husband. That's why she wouldn't visit him before he died. Between the offensive incident and his death she came to every family event including the 12 years he and I hosted. Never said anything about the grudge in that time. Two weeks after her admission she asked why i was so upset. I told her, she said she didn't recall saying that. She smiled slightly. I gave her more time. I became her full time target. I had to go no contact. She and our demanding brother have been smearing me. I've been gradually healing with help from a group, a online counselor and excellent speakers like you, Dr. Carter.

Point in question: nobody takes care of me but me. So there is no one to blame and nobody to cover down on me. When someone threatens me and my boundaries, I shut them out.

They poke and poke and poke until we feel like blowing up. And when you blow up, that is the finish line, they win. When I left the narcissistic woman that I loved. I gave her mother that I loved a hug goodbye, then her. No bad words spoken but just a firm goodbye. They both grew ridged through the hug, which I found odd from hundreds of hugs before. This when I learned the sickness, mental illness of narcissism.

Very good post! I've found this to be 100% accurate. Narcissists can't apologize, because they don't understand the simple concepts of acknowledging another person's feelings, and admitting they made a mistake, both of these acts require: humility, introspection, empathy, and respect.

"Humble people capable of changing, recognizing their mistakes and publicly apologizing are the ones who are worth it" (Narcissist preparing us to be an easy going slave)

I'm convinced that soap opera/daytime drama addiction exacerbated & refined my MOMster's narcissistic "skills." Those shows groom & glorify subterfuge, paranoia, manipulation & narcissistic abuse.

Basically they cannot learn past the intellectual and emotional age of around 11, where people start to grasp the long term consequences of their actions. They aren't smart, but they might be clever in figuring out a thousand ways to mask their inability to cope with life on an adult level.

Narcissist have trouble answering simple questions. I think this weakness is related to the some of the things Dr. C is talking about, but its also about devaluing other people. It's like they're trying to pretend that your question doesn't make sense or it doesn't matter. I take joy in asking a narcissist a simple question and they give their unnecessarily evasive, long winded, and illogical response. Then I turn to the person beside them to ask the same question and the answer is either "Yes, it is" or "No, it isn't." The look on the face of the narcissist almost always resembles fear. Maybe fear that they look stupid.

Add to this list: They haven't figured out that the next person who uses the toilet might also need some toilet paper. And they haven't yet figured out that a light cannot just be turned on, but can be turned off too with the exact same switch. They have no problem putting the laundry in the washing machine, but they just wait and wait for the machine to dry and fold the clothes too.

Ooh I know my faults and admit when I'm flawed, no one but no one is perfect. No one likes critism when the cards are stacked and someone else holds all the aces and they hand the jokers out on a permanent basis.

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her

Best response to a non-insightful narcissist: choose to be the adult in this equation, I can't afford to struggle with a whiner, complainer, and malcontent. Introspection is a most valuable and attractive traits. Thanks for your insights here Doc. You are awesome.

Yeah ……run away…. no time to walk …RUN !😊 2:26

Dealing with being cut off from communication, the ultimate Kryptonite

Within the only communication they are capable of, that is, subliminal hidden messages, one that they really like a lot is "Books with a corner turned, as a reminder to read them at some point"...

One upping or trying to one up is a classic! They can't stand if somebody else plans something that many others are excited to do because they are control freaks and didn't plan it. So after it's nailed down they will try and find a "better venue", "better price", better whatever (in their view) and throw it out to the group so they can demonstrate they know better and to try and shame and disuade you for thinking about planning anything and to try and cause regret among the others in the hopes that if you ever do dare to plan something else the others may hesitate! They are so exhausting. If anybody but them ever tries to plan or organize anything they work overtime to subvert, create chaos and discord. Narc's and flying monkeys are exhausting and never relent!

All so true. And so sad. It's a really miserable way to go through life. The narcs in my life especially hated my granting of freedom to others. I don't know why, but this in particular really set them off. I was constantly getting haranged because I was friends with a broad spectrum of people and accepting of people as they were. This really angered the narcs, who told me repeatedly that I was betraying my standards by doing this. This always baffled me, which just made them angrier. I have to say, though, since learning about narcissism and coming to understand its impact on my life, I am less willing to stand there and see everyone else's point of view. That is the exact trait that got me into a marriage with a narcissist. I feel like that gets pushed to the point of bullying in our culture, and I'm no longer willing to be endlessly "reasonable" and say, "yes, I see your point of view" when someone is just being a bully and a jerk and getting away with it because no one wants to set boundaries. That was used against me hugely and at the same time, I kept getting told I was a totally unreasonable person. I'm not. I'm actually a very reasonable and fair person. But I'm done being manipulated by people insisting that I must accommodate and be willing to settle and that I must be willing to see their point of view, by which they mean give up my point of view. Nope. Done with that. Sometimes people are wrong. I'm not compromising just because everyone demands that I give in. I feel like I've actually become a lot less willing to stand there and do the whole negotiation thing the more I've healed. Maybe I'm just crabbier, I don't know. But I feel like too much of my life has already been wasted on people like this, and I'm not wasting another second.

03:13 🧐 Narcissists can't admit their own character defects; they deflect blame onto others. 04:09 🗣️ Narcissists cannot resist the urge to criticize others; they play the shame and judgment game. 05:18 😡 In disagreements, narcissists lack objectivity and operate with paranoia, leading to tension and anxiety. 06:13 🤝 Narcissists can't let go of a competitive mindset; they constantly try to one-up others. 07:09 🤝 Narcissists struggle to appreciate the unique qualities of others; they prioritize themselves. 08:04 😤 Narcissists can't manage their emotions and externalize their problems, blaming others for their dissatisfaction. 09:00 🗣️ Narcissists approach interactions with a fixed agenda and lack the ability to communicate freely. 10:08 🎭 Narcissists cannot be authentic; they hide behind a constructed false self and accentuate their positives while concealing their flaws.

I remember thinking what is he waiting for to happen so we can start working on those life goals together. I remember thinking I hope he knows our children are going to be adults sooner than later so why is he not doing life with us right now? It’s because he has no intention or interest in that stuff and he was just lying about wanting to.

"My chatacter is fine, my problem is you" 😢

A narcissistic family member settled into a "relationship" with an alcoholic a couple of years ago. Their dynamic is one of manipulation and chaos. Suicide threats, OUIs ...you name it. I'm invited to visit but don't wish to expose myself to the toxicity. I care about this person but you're right Dr. C. They are not open to discussion.

Being child- like is a beautiful quality, childishness is so different from that.

He doesn’t care what I do- total disinterest, rejection, disengagement…So In Turn, He is living another life AND ministering! 🥵 SO CONFUSING Dr. C, even comparison with what you say the Narc does. Over 32 Yrs. Am I stupid to not divorce?

Wow you just described the entire last conversation I had before going no-contact 😁

Critisize,control,dominate, never a normal 2 way conversation

A decade and 1/2 of hell. I escaped. Then she really tried to make my life hell by putting the kids against me and keeping me from them. All in all, i still saw the kids at their activities and the constant attacks are still going on. Its been over 10 years since my escape and its been the best years of my life so far.

I see that you have met my mother

Wow! You must have met my mother. You described her perfectly with all 8 issues.

Haha like his quote ' I don't want to have to deal with an underdeveloped whiner . I'm on team healthy.' He'll yeah!!

My cat just got in my face and sneezed. He has no concept of flying boogers. I've told him he is a narcissist with inner dysfunction, but he just blinks his eyes and purrs at me.

You Just Profiled my Oldest brother, I must Add Scheming, also Trying to make Friends and Family Against you. I Had Great Parents, Bad Brothers, Also Outright Lying to Get what they Want, If his Lips are Moving He's Lying. If you Can't Trust Someone, You Can't Have a Relationship with them

I just turned 39. After dancing around it for many years, a gift to myself was telling my brother how I know he's a narcissist. I presume we will go no contact now and that's ok since I haven't spoken with my other brother for almost a decade. I'm the youngest so it's a little strange. They're 6 and 8 years older than me. I'm grateful to be able to do that and that it's a relationship I can walk away from. Unlike some people who are forced to endure it. ❤

“I’m on team healthy and I am committed to a lifetime of growth and learning.”

Through fasting and prayer, one can stop wars, one can suspend the laws of nature. God can give any one the grace to change. Prayer reduces the evil influence on them.

His projection was instantaneous so it never occurred to him that he could be to blame 🤦‍♀️ astonishing how unaware they are!

His pattern is to leave me in the dirt EVEN when we’re together so Now, with the in-home separation, I no longer go. And he’ll be ministering again tomorrow 🤮

Man! You're talking about my brother who still won't apologise for ripping into me for something I had nothing to do with. Things weren't going his way in life and I stepped into it.

The ex wife of a friend of mine re married a wealthy man, and found herself living in a fabulous new home.. My friend was so outraged by this precived 'one up menship' on her part, that he went ahead a bought a house he could no way afford, simply to trump her and not to be seen as 'less' in other people's eyes. There was no way she was going to humiliate him by moving on to a better life without him. When we were friends, everything, and I mean everything, was a competition as far as he was concerned. Surfice it to say, this finally ended our friendship. From the clothes on my back, to the food I ate he always had to find something better than what I had. Add to that the constant criticism of my way of life was just too much in the end, and I walked away.

Chronic malcontent! Absolutely, Dr. C! Haven't heard that term in a long time. Nice one. Thank you for another great teaching video! Have a great weekend! 😊

This describes my sister. I used to look up to her as a child, but obviously don't anymore. I will watch this again to make mental notes of what to purge from my own character and personality and behavior, to function in a more healthy way from now on.

The real fight is trying to be more of what you love than trying to be less of what you hate, unless you learned to love the wrong thing...

Notes/Summary: Narcissists lack personal analytical skills and therefore they have emotional and relational difficulties. They are constantly looking for other people to blame their own shortcomings. Life skills Narcs cannot manage: 1. Cannot admit their character defects 2. Cannot resist the urge to criticize 3. Cannot be objective in disagreements 4. Cannot let go of competitive mindset 5. Cannot appreciate your unique qualities 6. Cannot manage their personal emotions 7. Cannot relate with freedom in mind 8. Cannot be authentic Be aware: > It's not about you but about their lack of introspection > Narcs must always be in control > They hold on in a childish state > Their false self has become entrenched 》Will you be a lifelong learner in order to grow? Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈 P.S.: Another perspective from your living room, which is indeed refreshing and chilling Gus dreaming sweet dreams😉

Narcissists dismiss introspection therefore they lack self awareness and the ability to hold themselves accountable. "Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror." - Playing God - Paramore

Thank you Dr. C. and Gus. Your videos really give me great things to contemplate. I have watched you for over a year and I believe your videos and Team Healthy have helped me continue to heal and forgive. Myself, most importantly and move beyond this experience to a healthy emotional life, free from dysfunction. I am still learning but do feel better armed to face challenges. Keep up the great work.

I don't think that it's only narcissists who are socially clueless. Some are just clueless or haven't learned, but they do not want to hurt you or control you. I think these people can learn if you nudge them, little by little.

You are way behind the times, Dr C…..many narcissists have been overindulged and spoiled, no trauma, just no boundaries when it comes to their own indulgences.

I'm starting to believe that there is a subset of all narcissists who really hate their victims. For them, it's not just about defending their flawed inner self, but also hatred towards the victim. Does that make any sense? I mean, hate and narcissism aren't mutually exclusive, are they?

Repentance was a big “No.”. Same with “apologies.” Accepting differences drove our oldest (nearly adult, at the time) one away. She fled the punishment for being different (willfully disobedient), only to return home after my (narcissistic ex-wife) had discarded me and left.

Oh wow, my partner checks every single box. I am just in the process of understanding and coming to terms that my partner is a narcissist. I have been suffering emotional abuse and manipulation for over 25 years. I thought it was me, that I was losing my mind. Everyone close to me has bought into the illusion of how kind and generous and awesome he is. The list goes on and on. So much is crystallizing for me. I’m moving from a place of fear, indecision and immobility, to perspective, strength and change. I am reclaiming my personal power and finally stepping into my authentic self. Thank you for posting these videos. I feel very validated by watching, which is an awesome feeling. I don’t feel alone. I have been dismissed, gaslighted and used for years. ❤❤❤❤

9- forgiveness is an act of ongoing transactional bribery or blackmail. They consider every slight enacted against them as only tolerable if the offender continues to pay for it.

I just turned 51 and I was in my forties by the time I realized I could cut ties with my mother and I blocked her; but she continued to send me cards. Gifts mean nothing to me (not with her anyway) ; it's not my primary love language anyway, words of affirmation is; which never happened and will never happen from her. Her side of the family believed as long as my monetary needs were met that's all that mattered, not emotional. That set me up for my other bad relationships and other things as well. My mother recently sent me a birthday card with a tiny note with a fake apology. I'm sorry, if... it's the same as I'm sorry, but... absolutely no accountability. I finally learned not to read her birthday cards or anything like it; because of what it does to me. She's just one of the narcs. My daughter was trying to get her to make things right with me, which is never going to happen

I’ll be at church too, but He SCHMOOZES, selling himself, working the room, and I do not have my person. I speak with others and sing but I do not have my person. I’m afraid of Filing.

Wow!!! You are describing my childhood!!! My parents both with the volatile relationship they had, with both being highly narcissistic (covert & malignant) these things were pillars in my life! 😔 It only stopped when I ceased contact with them both.

With that control thry crave so much, comes responsibility...something they want nothing to do with! 🎵You can't have 1 without the other.🎶

Once he asked me why things were going wrong for him. I felt like I had been given an opportunity to talk to him about his lying. However he immediately countered with how HE was taken advantage of by the other person during his affair! But his expression didn't match his words. It was obvious he was proud he had had the affair! Later when he got bad news on his illness which he didn't expect since he's always been healthy, he didn't believe it. He looked at me. I only said very softly, almost in a whisper, "of course"

I grew up with one. Many times I've wondered throughout the years if I was one myself. It is one of my worst nightmares to be trapped in something like that and not be able to get out. Balancing a relation and social situations to not take more floor space than one should, that was a hard thing for me. I had to relearn how to understand it intuitively. I usually defaulted to putting myself under the other people in the situation/relation. Often giving in and yielding when I shouldn't. It would frustrate me that I did that also, which created its own sets of problems in my life and relation to mrs and kids. I learnt by taking starting to take risks. Then observe if I went too far towards taking too much floor space. I'd back off then. I observed other people's interactions that looked healthy. And slowly I started to learn how to balance it myself. My own thoughts during the process would often be towards one or the other extreme, while I learned to moderate it towards center so to speak (what came out of my mouth), because I didn't want to be that person that was at the extremes. I wasn't really that person either. I just didn't know how to be at a healthy and steady center position without being too insecure. That's years ago now. And now my default is to ALWAYS take up enough space to come across as a secure individual, and the way I counter the urge to go to the extreme of taking too much room, is to always be aware that I have two ears and one mouth, and in my mind the interaction/situation/relation/social situation is always mostly about the other persons and not too much about me. It was kinda a fake it till u make it thing. After a lot of practice and working consciously on that attitude, it became an automated process, and for years it's been the new me. It seems to work. However, I get an allergic reaction every time I have to deal with narcissists. And I've been in situations where I had to work with people that have those traits, and I simply can't do it. I jump ship, coz I'm not wanting to go back there at all - I don't need to - there are other and better things to spend my time on, right... It's not that I fear them, or let them run over me like before. I just make it clear that I know what they are trying to do, and that I'm simply NOT playing that game. Have a nice day. The fact that we all have tendencies towards the extremes as I call it now and then, but the ability to observe ourselves and be curious about our reactions - that is encouraging. It helps clearly define the border between being a survivor of narcissistic behavior and being one. And that is a VERY useful border to know what looks like for the survivors because many times it feels like there really is no difference between being a survivor of it or being a narcissist yourself. Thanks.

I worked with someone like this for 12 years. He quit because we were going to be require to learn a new system. After he left, the boss found out that half the alignment equipment he was using, was broken. So he wasn't testing things, just popping new parts in and sending them out. A few months after he left and his stuff wasn't in the pipeline any more, we got kudos for having an in-field failure rate of under 2%, lower than every other shop.

“They choose not to learn and not to introspect.” How sad but true.

Living with a narcissist husband for 21 years I found engaging things to say to him when he would not commit or if he lied....like " my lips will stop flapping when you take responsibility ". The funny game for this competitive seeking man was to tell him "you always have to have the last word don't you" then he would reply and I would turn again to this issue by saying "see always have to have the last word" which then he was so compelled to respond and again I'd say "there it is"... the challenge was to play with him and tantalize his nature, but like a good opponent not to the point of rage. They are such predictable people.

Just learn to be a nobody and not be offended vs being a somebody and become easily offended because your important (to your self)

It really does sadden me when I think of how low I’ve been because of the confusion and twisting of reality to make me wrong no matter how I tried to approach her. I really thought I was the person she was making me out to be. Watching these videos and listening to Voice Recording of our arguments give me a piece of mind to know what reality is outside of her altered reality’s. They have an anger inside themselves that is soothed when they upset you. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Their response to conflict is!

It took me years of being stunned by his mindset. It was just bizarre but, judging from the look on his face, he thought things he said were absolutely logical. I've been married to him for almost 46 years. I was 18, him 22 when we were married. It's only been maybe the last 5 years that I heard the term narcissist. I was amazed it had a name! About year twenty, everything fell into place. I didn't know it was a thing, but I knew this about uhim; While his mother was very critical, I don't think she knew it. She was a tremendously loving person and I never saw or heard anything bad about his & sibs childhood that wasn't like most. My narc was born this way and his mother knew something wasnt right. He was middle of 5 and his mother said it's surprising they had anything to do with him after they grew up. He knows there are things others instinctively understand but he doesn't He knows people feel love, empathy, sympathy but he doesn't I know he tricked, lured me into marriage because he needed a shield. He can not read the room. Until he learned to fake it, he stuck to me like glue He could not understand why I would talk to people I didn't know. He didn't like that at all. I thought he was just shy. Nope. I spent years explaining people's behavior. After parties etc., I would explain why people said or did things. We didn't have a wedding because people would be looking at us. He didn't want attention of any kind. I spent the first twenty five years teaching him that things like telling a funny story to 10 or 15 people can be fun. He has never been wrong about ANYTHING which isn't hard to believe when you rewrite history no matter how ridiculous. I though when he realized he was no longer such an introvert and actually more of an extrovert, he would place value on my efforts. What I realized I had done was not actually change but redirect. He went from being terrified people would notice him and not like him to being someone terrified he won't be noticed and while he really doesn't care what I think, he can't stand the thought that others won't like him. He will try to please complete strangers but I count for nothing. If you look up burned out while burning up, you'll find my picture. I'm beyond emotionally exhausted. I don't care about anything. I'm not look for pity. I was told exactly what I would become. I thought I was to strong for that. Turns out I was wrong. People use the word to much. Most people don't truly know what it is. You have to actually experience one before you understand. Lots of people are egotistical, arrogant, controlling but they aren't narcissist.

This is 100 % my mother and my middle sister. You described them for sure. They're both toxic and have been out of my life for many years. Getting them out of my life was my therapy. Last I knew they don't even talk to each other. I still love them, but detest their abhorrent ways.