Shacking up means I love you ALMOST enough to marry you, but not quite.

My husband and I never snacked up before marriage and it always shocks people when they find out. They ask me things like “How did you know it would work out?” Or “what if you found something you didn’t like after the fact?” These are all questions that are answered by one simple thought: if I thought our relationship was so fragile that I worried about those things, I wouldn’t have married him. Happily married for 7 years. Marriage is complete trust that you two will work with and through anything and everything together. Marriage is work and is so worth it when you don’t marry a nut case.

Love how people don’t combine finances when they get married because they “don’t want to be told what to do with their money” but then they’d rather have a mortgage with someone they’re not married to and fight about splitting things 50/50 or even worse, proportional to each individual’s income such as 70/30

To sum up this is another example of: Why buying the cow when the milk is free

It is SO TRUE… us men, when we know, we KNOW

Suzanne, listening to this episode resonated with me so much. I was in the exact same situation you were in during college. Dated the same guy the entire time, gave those years to him, and he expected us to move in together after graduation, but I wasn’t raised that way and it never made me comfortable. Deep down, I knew the familiarity of our relationship was what he wanted, not me. He came from a dysfunctional family and I know now we never would’ve gotten married, it just wasn’t who he is. I thank God every day I quit being in limbo of the will we/won’t we back and forth and didn’t give him any more of my life than I already had. It would’ve been a disaster.

This is such an important topic. You seriously have one of the best podcast around ❤

As someone who is not religious but also believes that shacking up and being physically intimate outside of marriage is a bad idea, I appreciate this video.

I grew up reading a lot of stories about dragons and Knights, etc. And forged in me some sort of chivalry code that prohibited sleeping around. Now I need to see how to implant something like that in my own kids.

We are both senior widow/widower. You are correct that I had already mentally committed myself to marrying her I asked her to move in together. I knew she is/was the one for me. Our situation was different in that there was no posibility of having a child, and at our ages (mid 70's), you don't know if you have 25 minutes or 25 years left together. So, she moved in with me, and we married several months later.

You can't simulate being married just like you can't simulate having and raising a child. You find out how it is and how to do it only while actually doing it for real.

There’s also zero legal protection for your “shared” financial assets. And what if you break up but you are BOTH on the lease? I have heard that some people STAY living together post break up because they can’t get out of the lease. And if only one of you is on the lease, then the other can be out on the street in 0.5 seconds post break up with nowhere to go! And if one of you owns the home, the other is just going to be paying rent as the other builds equity with the rent that is being paid to them, while the non owning person has zero rights to the house? Terrible idea all around. And I totally agree about losing years of your life. You could literally miss the chance of having children and a family because you lost your fertile years shacking up with men who never committed to you, then they find someone younger and can make a family with them. Absolute scam

I don't to recommend living together before marriage or getting married. Unless and until family laws change such that one party upon untying the knot is awarded cash and prizes.

Shacking up is not commitment. Marriage really kind of needs commitment... to work. Long term commitment, and patience. And courtesy.

Love what you're doing, Suzanne. Thanks!

I would really like your perspective on age gap relationships

It's really difficult to make an argument about what your child should be doing when they're a full grown adult and can make their own decisions. A lot of times, women need to figure out these lessons firsthand. They need to make their own mistakes so that they know how they should be treated. I had a parent who did this to me and it failed 100% Not because I wasn't willing to do what she wanted, but because it destroyed me, my personality, and my identity. I wasn't able to figure out who I was and what I wanted because I let her voice dictate my decisions. Living together should not be seen as a "test run" or playing house. Living together should be considered one of the steps or phrases towards marriage. It should be discussed and treated as such. I would never have moved with someone who did not have a timeline with marriage as the end goal. I never lived with a guy until I dated my fiance. We discussed our timeline early into the relationship and living together was discussed as a step towards marriage and not as a "well if we get along, we'll get married." We already knew that we got along....why wouldn't you know that already? We knew that we were heading towards marriage early in our relationship. We've been dating for four years and moved in together after a year (as discussed). Two years after that he proposed. Living together is something that commitphobes suggest because they are scared of real commitment (marriage). If you treat "living together" in this way, then it can be a really good way to know if the man you're dating is a man of his word. Men can be really covert when it comes to promises. I dated a lot of those men. They would promise me all sorts of things and then never deliver. My fiance is the only man who has ever delivered on his word and I felt comfortable surrendering myself to the timeline we created (which included living together first).

I did the 'shacking up' thing years ago. It seemed like a super idea at the time, but I now regret it.

Or even if you have a religious family and background, it's always good to have logical reasons as well. It's multifaceted.

I think young people also just see marriage as unnecessary expense and being bound to the state. A concept. But how natural is it

You take God out of your life and look for secular solutions. Sorry but it doesn’t work that way

I know that a lot of people don’t want to get married anymore because of the crazy stories that are coming out of the family court system. You don’t have to get married to have long lasting meaningful relationship with someone.

I love your topics!!!

Thank you for talking about this. I wish you would have talked more about the stats. There are so many people living together and having kids BUT the divorce rate and fatherless homes are at an All Time High.

I think perhaps your argument is missing the reality that unhealthy, personality-disordered people are in every type of relationship structure. Married or partnered. Our young adults need coaching on boundaries, red flags, and on how to recognize patterns of behavior that show abusive or manipulative tendencies. Marriages of five years or living together five years - both relationships can end and people learn from them, but one is legally much harder to extricate yourself from should things go south.

That makes a lot of sense. Though, living together reveals many potential red flags (and sex or sexual compatibility is the last point on the list). You can actually see the energy, the lifestyle, the habits. You see someone at idle time, not just nicely dressed and ready for a date. It works pretty much the same way as being a roommate with a friend from HS after graduation: all of the sudden, someone you knew for years is (or can be) a totally different person - often you're fed up after a month of sharing a flat. From my perspective, living together with your SO reveals similar qualities. However, it doesn't mean you need to live with someone for years, but at least give yourselves six months to a year before getting married.

I've lived/shacked up with girlfriends in the past and yes we had plenty of sex, its part of shacking up. They were all beautiful relationships at the time. We were also exclusive to each other. They were great learning experiences. My first was in my college years (I was in my mid 20's) after I graduated I asked her to follow me. She didn't want to leave the area where she grew up. So I moved on. I guess my point is both parties have to be mature enough to understand and deal with consequences involved in such an arrangement.

Here's the problem I see with what you've said. Will it's beneficial to a woman to be married and have a mans commitment. Women don't hold up their end of this commitment and expect men to be held to it. Women are not held to their end and also can use the courts against him trapping or enslaving that man. Knowing this is extremely common. Marriage should be completely off the table as far as the state goes period.

Sorry, but men risk everything by entering into the State-sanctioned marriage contract. If secular or religious private marriage contracts were recognized by the State, there would be no problem going with those arrangements.

Either family court can stop being a game of Russian roulette for men, or women can continue hoping to marry without any luck.

I wouldn’t move in. The laws don’t favor you if you’re a man.

Ramsey made fun of men 7.2 million that have been taxed work moved overseas since 84 im one of them and a vet said it was because men arelazy and playing video games ive worked 32 yrs heavy metal machining 4yrs army and 5 d n a tests none later im out read some article men with are leaving the country never too return

Oh good start listening, UK

Marriage makes men feel insecure

This needs to be re-uploaded the audio is coming on and out.

Is Suzanne Christian?

😂 Men, you will never know the woman until you live with her, all her friend zone men she keeps on the go, if she's actually a good housewife, her real life. NEVER marry due to the financial risks (unless she has more assets than you) without getting to know her, in fact best to avoid marriage. 50% of marriages end in divorce, 75% or more instigated by the woman. Too risky these days.

Very weak.

Ban the anti marriage cultists please.