My parents called me selfish for loving myself. I cried about it, wore black at work for a week to mourn the death of my light feminine self. I wore black eyeliner and wore a serious expression all the time. At the end of the week, I looked at the mirror, shrugged my shoulders, and said "Selfish looks good on me."

she's so unapologetically herself, i love her

Tam, girl, can you do a vid on how to forgive yourself for having low standards, letting yourself down etc in the past? I think it's something most people don't talk about enough

"People who see you as a competition are the ones who cannot compete against the real world's obstacles. To feel superior, they want you to be dumb & insecure. Individuality is something they are not familiar with" - that's what my mom told me when my best friend went against me for scoring more than her.

If you’re reading this I pray something amazing happens for you today.💗🙏🏼

This girl is my inspiration like she genuinely changed my life

‼️timestamps + notes‼️ #1 0:52 mindset shifts - u are not a "bitch", u are independent, u know how to set boundaries, u respect urself, and u have a fuck ton of confidence. 1. 2:49 energy is everything! - the bitch is good on her OWNN 2. 3:58 "i dont need u to like me, bc i like me." - "what if they judge me?!?! 😢" ❌️ - "does this make ME happy? is this gonna make ME feel good?" ✅️ 3. 5:07 unbothered af - the bitch does not NEED anything, she is detached! she does NOT need to prove anything 4. 6:13 YOUR time comes first - the bitch controls her own life - u DONT need an excuse to say no‼️ 5. 7:24 attitude, ALWAYS. - the bitch is detached from external & material things 6. 8:57 haters - the bitch knows shes THAT BITCH!! she owns it, and she does not care abt haters... - haters have no sense of self = they will compare = they will get triggered if they feel inferior = they feel the need to "humble" u to "bring u down to their level" #2 11:42 lifestyle and habits 1. 11:46 stick to ur weekly schedule - she is booked and busyyyy 2. 12:56 she is always reassured - she accepts herself, and she works on her insecurities and traumas - she validates herself! create ur own confidence rn 3. 15:05 she embraces solitude - the bitch is okay on her own! she knows that the right people & opportunities will come eventually - stop trying to be normal‼️embrace ur unique personality 4. 17:10 ✨️ classy confronter ✨️ - the bitch does NOT take any shit, but she does it CALMLY. 5. 19:15 she focuses on her goals - she takes action on her goals and she commits to it! 6. 21:54 lola vs athena #3 24:33 dating like a bad bitch 💋 1. 25:03 "im not ur experiment, im the dream girl." - say no to a situationship...pls... 2. 26:42 she is NEVERRRRR the backup option‼️ 3. 28:11 act like the prize, and u will be treated like one. - basically: dont chase, allow them to come to u. 4. 30:13 u dont need men to be happy, they NEED YOU. - its always their loss; actually scientifically proven: www.businessinsider.com/unmarried-childless-women-are-happiest-expert-says-2019-5?r=US&IR=T 5. 32:14 u receive what u put out - if ur desperate for attention, u will eventually get lazy, unloyal men. - if u dont get too much attention, it means that ur not that accessible/easy! THANK GOD 6. 33:35 have unwavering non-negotiables - u respect and care for urself. - when ur just fearlessly and confidently stating ur requirements, u will eventually get what u want. conclusion, being a bitch does NOT mean being stuck-up/a bad person, it means: - being okay own your own (detach and trust everything that is meant for u will eventually come) - focusing on urself & ur goals -> acting on them = manifestation of self-love - accepting and loving urself unapologetically - giving no fucks! u got this bitchh!!! much love to u 💋💐

I love this so much! As a gay man, going from a people pleaser to becoming my truest self, and that B*TCH now! has helped me become stronger as an individual. I now have the confidence to say NO and observe people's reactions towards me...I'm always observing lol Thank you for this!

"I DECIDED TO LOVE ME. You can't wait until the day that you're more beautiful or more confident, YOU have to create the confidence RIGHT NOW". YESSSS GIRL YOU ARE CHANGING SO MANY LIVES WITH YOUR WORDS 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

It’s funny bc I all of a sudden started putting boundaries in place and putting myself first (unless it’s necessary to put others first like at work etc) and all of a sudden the people who I would always try and please and make happy are telling me I’m “being weird” 🤣

Can we appreciate this Queen for changing our lives? As a brown girl myself, I struggled with how society trained us to be. I'm so so grateful to find you. Thank you so so much. Trust me when I say that I sit with a notebook and take notes on every video I see. Girl, you are the real inspiration.

In all seriousness, after over two decades of being horribly insulted by people of all ages,genders,ethnicities,backgrounds, and now still being a victim at almost age 30...I have my notebook and pen here,and indeed am ready to be a ***** and command the respect I should already be receiving. Thank you very much Tam, dear.

I had the same exact journey with being skinny shamed and being called "flat" in school. I specifically remember the time I had a crush on a guy in school and when our friends were teasing us he said " I like my women to have some flesh on their bones" and that stuck with me for a while. And now I love my body so much and have gone from trying to please everyone and living in constant fear and anxiety to focussing on pleasing myself and just living in my power. I agree with tam, be a b*tch, set your boundaries and protect yourself. Think about what YOU want and don't accept anything less. Trust me, it is so much better on this side.

these videos have helped me LEVEL THE EFF UP so much after a breakup. tam, your point about a breakup leading to a glow up is literally so true. i'm exiting my codependent, people pleaser, insecure era and entering my independent unbothered queen era. we're all slaying so hard. love you guys

Tam, I feel like you literally HEALED me today!! 😭😭 I'm transitioning from the nice girl to the bad bitch and I felt a bit sad about the ppl I lost but this video literally changed my perspective. As always, you are my inspiration to be the best version of myself. Love you girl ❤

00:50 mindset 11:40 lifestyle and habit 24:30 dating Love yaa❤

I've read why men love bitches & I can totally agree with everything Tam said. My family keeps on saying ( every time they see the book ) that it's unacceptable. But after reading it , I find the word bitch more of a compliment than an insult . And the fact that I totally relate to a bitch's behavior makes more happy & satisfied . Now , I wake up everyday reminding myself of who I am and find myself enjoying everyday to the fullest. Also, I love your videos Tam 🤍🤍

Girl you just described ME in everything you said . Thanks to being disappointed by people, hurt by people, being betrayed and everything bad .

Thank you for finally saying it! Women don’t need men, men need women!!! I’ve been saying these words to my friends for years and they say it’s stuck up/ cocky.. nope, it’s just the truth.

mindset shift 1. Energy is everything ( relationships, following ppl, ....) don't care ab anything or ppl 2. I don't need u to love me cuz i love me ( shes doesn't care ab judge of others 3. Unbotherd af ( shes detached, she doesn't need to prove anything, everything she deserve will cone easy, non reactive ok and? Mindset, 4. Her time comes first Being selfish, proitisize her self care and mental care U don't need an excuse to say no, she lives on her terms and what is make her happy 5. Attitude comes first What u think ab urself reflect on the way ppl think ab u She dress for hwr self Shes being her no matter what and trying to impress a guy on first day 6.All heaters are inacure She knows ppl gonna be jealous of her she knows shes pretty she don't need to change anything ab her behavior if it likes it •lifestyle and habits 1.Consistent to her week schedule ( when u plan u know what is ur proirites for the week and u know the steps toward this goals) u being busy and don't have the time to take care ab someone's shits 2.She lives with comfort way doesn't fair of being perceived She knows exactly who she is She doesn't change her self to fit the society Accept her self and work on healing her self 3. She embrace isolation (consert, solo dates...) Accept ur weirdness and how u are unique 4. Classy confrontation Knows how to set boundaries and don't give our energy to a silly things or ppl ( maintain eye contact, be calm, when they say the side of the story say no i don't appreciate that no that doesn't suit me 5. She focusing on her goals and mission she doesn't care ab ppl think and say •dating rules 1. They become obsessed of u when u stop trying to making them obsessed with u and focusing on u 2.I am not ur experience to play with i am the dream girl She doesn't care if u ask her for walk ir coffe ( that reflection of the man how he gonna make effort to get u) 3. The bitch ia never gonna be a Backup option 4. Act like the prize and u gonna be treated like one Don't be available They gonna be to scared to Talk to u cuz u are highest then the other girls so they go to them ( think... Of that) 5. Bitch know that men are easy and they lost Men needs woman Single woman who get higher But majority of men being desperate ( think of that tooo) 6. Not getting attention is a huge comlipent that means u are not easy to fit with And u just attract what u think and look for like attention 7.U are non negotiable if u give this or i leave Don't change her decision

girl, how do you always post at the right time? like seriously 😂

Tam this is exactly what I needed today how did you know! I searched & watched so many videos about this exact topic last night! You’re such an insightful & encouraging resource.

1.energy is everything -think about how you feel,let go people and things who hurt you 2.love yourself like crazy -learn to say no and stop bagging for love from others 3.unbothered af -be uninterested it makes you nore attractive and things start falling towards you,mind your own damn buisness. 4.priorities yourself,your work,your success -make people crave to see yaa,be expensive 5.treat yourself like queen and people will do same for youu

You're makeup and your confidence tells it all ! 😎💥 "PERIOD" 😌💅

Let’s take a moment how her vibe and outfit the whole look match the topic like damnn the energy is so pure and pretty. Really thankful for Tam for my mindset shift and the way my life changing now make me feel so good about myself . The way you inspired me ,Always greatful for you bbg love from my side 💕

I am commenting a second time, because I truly can’t overstate how IMPORTANT this video is. Thank you a million times, Tam ❤❤❤

I needed this, I used to be a huge people pleaser. Since I can't say no when someone asks for help, I realise now that people have become totally dependent on me. Even for the easiest works they used me. I'm so fed up of doing this. I already started to ignore such people but I still can't say no. Thank you Tam. I hope I can finally bring some more improvement in this aspect. This really helped!

listening to you is such a therapy

Okay, so I just did something and I really want to share because I am so proud of myself 😄 So, I'm a 3rd year interior architecture and design student in France. I'm originally from Romania and before coming to France to study, I didn't know anything about their language, customs, traditions, etc. After 3 years, I'm glad to say that everything is going well, and I've integrated nicely. However, their work culture, at least as far as Uni work goes, keeps giving me headaches. This is the third time I'm put in a group for an architecture project with people that simply don't work. Last semester I got an 11/20 for a project we could have easily got a 14 or even 15, I mean, I had a 14.5 for my individual work, but the 11 took my overall grade down quite a bit. Anyway, this semester, same story. However! This time, I said no more! After two weeks of being ignored and receiving a message saying 'well, we only have your part, so f%*k it; we just won't present' I got angry. Today I went to the teachers and explained the situation. I'm free to change groups now. I never did anything like this for myself and I really feel like a b*tch... never thought I would say that. Anyway, thanks for coming to my rant. Have a nice day, people.😃😃😃

Since I’ve embraced solitude, the world& postive opportunities have opened up 🥰🥰🥰

this definitely makes me think more about what i’m tying to do with my life. GIRL U NEVER MISS!

The amount of powerful energy you delivered through this video is immense 👏

Literally just started and I already know it's gone be a good one💕 thank you so much tam

I'm in my early 30's starting to learn those things and finally becoming my true self! I stumbled upon your videos by accident, they are so inspiring - thank you!

The energy WOMAN i love u already glad i found u👑💅🏽

You're all the hype crew I need💯 thank you for helping get through tough times

tam! thanks big sis, your vids have changed my life- I listen to you daily, started journaling meditating, going for things/ standing out, and working out. Also ur makeup is stunning 🤍

Thank you Tam! I was not in the best state mentally for more than a year and your videos are helping me so much! You have the mindset I want my future self to have and i'm acting on it...However I did lose almost all my friends in the process, I'm seriously not as sad as I could have been without your videos! Although, losing all the people I trusted has led me to have something called 'betrayal trauma' and it's not pretty... I was hoping if you could make a video about that...that would be terrific! Thanks! Love you

have to watch it again and again til it sticks 🧘🏻‍♀️🎀 thank you so much

Girllll!!! Your makeup has never looked so stunning before

Tam, you are a literal BLESSING walking on earth. You inspire me and so many other young girls through your videos and your authenticity. I am so grateful to have found your channel and have grown so much with you. You are a true ICON and lots of love to you🧿🛐💌

pls make a part2, i hv already rewatched this million times n i love it!

This vid is MAGICAL literally, I was able to take the steps one by one, and I already feel good about myself. Also protecting my peace and working on myself. Chef’s kiss!!

tam helps so many people she is the most successful person ever!

THAT HAWT GOLD NECKLACE THO LOVE IT AND LOVE YOU

tam, you always post in the right time💕 im new in my school and the people are incredible stupid and mean. they comment on my apperance, my outfits, my family, literally everything you mentioned in chapter 1 🤟🏻 i never really cared, but lately i was feeling down until i saw you post 💋 thank you so much💕💕

what a moment to give me this video. Literally needed it right now. 💅🏻 girlbossing again.

Thank you so much Tam for making this video (and all of them) I've been a people pleaser my whole life and this past year I had a LOT of harsh reality checks with people using me. I'm in my glow up era and never looking back. Thank you for also stating how most men are intimidated by high value women. My friends get loads of attention from guys, and not to brag but I'm tall blonde and beautiful and I RARELY get attention or approached. It took me a long time to learn that it wasn't me, I was just intimidating to the wrong guys. Much love to you and everyone 💞

I'm turning this vedio to a list of reminders on my journal to read everyday. Tam you're always SERVING!!!

Just discovered your channel, love your energy. This is the vibe forever!!! Keep aggressively telling the truth!!!!

It's last month of 2k23 and I'm trying to reassess myself and complete the goals I've made for myself and just ghosted everyone and it never felt as great like I am feeling.. I no longer care if I am hurting feeling of negative people. Thanks tam for teaching me how to adult..❤

Tam I admire you so much, thanks for talking about the body type thing, that hit too close home because I have a similar body to yourself and I grew up being insecure because of that, having the same thoughts you said and thinking men would not find me attractive, I'm now learning to accept and love myself and you are a massive factor that helps me with that because I look at how stunning and beautiful you look with my type of body and I think I can look as beautiful as you ❤

tam is THE it girl and she is the reason why my life is changing and will keep changing. thank you so much for everything tam, ly so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Wow ! I'm at just half of the video and the information is pure gold. Go bless you for all the hard work you put in this channel. ❤

she's gorgeous inside out.... the most inspiring girl... ❤️✨

I've learned so much about myself from your videos. Such a blessing to come across you 💯 I've been consuming way too many spiritual videos- this one here, is just what I needed to shake things up some! Happy Holidays Beautiful 🏵️ Stay Blessed 🫶🏼

Your makeup and outfit combo is perfect!! Love the lipstick colour on you

I can’t believe tam you’re so pretty like man you look like a work of art ✨

I throughly enjoyed this video ❤ and you look gorgeous Tam 😄

IM ABSOLUTELY LOVING THESE REGULAR UPLOADS 🥰🥰 OH WE ARE ENDING THIS YEAR HIGH 💅🏽

My insecurities kept resurfacing throw out the video but your words would always reassure change is possible

I love how you worked the squarespace add into the video so naturally😊

I literally transformed from Lola to Ethena because of u . I love u TAM 💗

Omg! This was needed! I) always forgive them and hope they will change. But Again I end up crying my heart out in the dark silently until my head hurts and I loose motivation to go with life. I am so tired of this version of me! Let's change! Tysm Tam>

I think I have made it my morning routine to watch and listen to Tam everyday while on my commute to work. It's calming and inspiring.

Your eyes looked so pretty, your lashes are so good!!!

i just wanted to say how much i appreciate you. Just gone through a breakup recently and i needed to be reminded of who i am and you’re helping me with that a lot. Thanks for being an inspiration and helping me to become the bad bitch i been needing to be, sending lots of love❤️x

Tam speaks nothing but the truth ! She’s so real ! I’ve recently deal with a hater and they literally displayed all the hater qualities you talked about. I’m very aware of that and I wish her the best with her life and I’ve moved on. Never be stuck on the same person because they will only continue to hate to bring you down to their level

I got myself so many new affirmations watching this video. Loveee what you're doing

you killed this your energy in this video has me obsessed

I really really feel lost in life right now. I don't know how to make a real come back. I'm collapsed what to actually do. And now I have got the confidence. You Posted this video at the perfect time of my life. I don't know how to thank you Tam ❤

Tam this video was amazing and well needed. I would love if you make a video on how to forgive yourself for your past mistakes?

Tam changed my life, I told my friend about you and your videos and I can notice she’s doing a lot better too 😭 thank you

I am a people pleaser, I needed to watch this, thank you. I never realized how a people pleaser could be so unaware that they are not respecting themselves as they should. Thank you Tam

Tam = an angel in my life ❤❤❤

You are such an example of self esteem, inner work and feminine power ❤

Every time I feel like I’m slipping back into bad habits I watch your videos and it’s literally so helpful ❤

Girl your makeup is slayingggggg in this one

Hi, Tam . I really appreciate your contents , I think they raise questions about so many essential issues of our life. But I think I would really appreciate it if you could make a video about how it's still okay to feel like a failure sometimes, it's okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. Because I think life is a process , a journey and I believe in order to really be our best selves we need to accept our self as we are along with all the mistake we've made and the cringes of the past , only then we can let go of it. And become a better version of ourselves. I'm saying this because sometimes watching your videos makes me feel rushed and doubtful about why I'm still not there yet.Not because there is anything wrong with your content by any means. But I do think we should acknowledge that even if we are not yet there , we are still making progress and that not being perfectly healed doesn't mean we don't deserve love. In fact we will never be perfectly healed and that's okay. That's human . We inherently are worthy of love and respect. Sometimes in the light of all that we know and want to accomplish we lose sight of self acceptance. You are doing great. I just think self acceptance and acceptance of where you are in life is a vital point we should emphasize more just because you do such a great job of explaining these thing. I'm eighteen year old this year and am trying to navigate life . I feel like a failure sometimes and don't at all feel amazing. I don't always feel confident and I let myself know that it's okay. I allow myself to suffer because it's another side of life and I'm allowed to feel pain . I'm allowed to just be and not trying to prove anything to anybody. Because the last thing we need worry about is we are not feeling something we think we should feel.

Doesn’t this make you masculine ? I want be in more warm and in my feminine energy as well while having my boundaries! Can you be a baddie and a soft girl at same time ?

Tam, you girl, i just love the way you dress, your makeup and your accent…and your ability to change yourself…anddd…i don’t have enough words to describe your beauty…just thankyou so much ❤

I have an important question, how do you balance between being kind while also maintaining boundaries and being a b*? This is something I always struggle with I am on two extremes, either I’m a people pleaser or I’m rly mean and unbothered like Wednesday. But I also want to be kind especially to good people. Would love to hear more thoughts on this ❤

Exactly what I need with everything going on in my life, Fuck everyone that did me dirty I don't need them I've got me.

I cannot stress enough how much your advice has helped me get where I was working so hard to get. Thank you so much MAMA KAUR❤❤❤❤

your videos are so life changing omg

What has this world become to bro 💀

Girl you have been killing it with you content❤️❤️❤️

YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS OH MY GOD and tysm for the vid :)

mother

you must be real desperate to be actively advertising this video 😅

Thank you for your videos and your positive and strong energy ❤️

you are glowing omg

Better get married now ladies because once those looks start to fade remember us men don’t have a problem getting younger women when we are older. Y’all on the other hand… keep slaying queens 😂

Great content! We are grateful to have you Tam❤❤

You don’t need an excuse to say no 🙌🏻 I think you’ve said that before and it stuck with me. Have been doing it ever since ☺️

I literally wakeup everyday to listen to you you such a whole motivation love it ❤❤❤❤

Tam omg I swear you’re explanding so quickly I’m so proud of you!!!!!

Absolutely in love your makeup!!!!

Girl I love you so much! it's been a week since I discovered you and I feel so glad about it. it is now part of my daily routine to watch your videos and I'm on my journey to try to elevate myself. Thanks!

If this video was 2hrs long I’d still watch it all. I’m so thankful for you Tam