Breaking the Silence of Male Trauma Survivors | Debra Warner | TEDxPaloAltoCollege

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TEDx Talks

TEDx Talks

5 жыл бұрын

You have heard of the #MeToo movement. But have you heard of the #MenToo movement? Little is known about male trauma and Dr. Debra Warner explains that men are also suffering sexual assault. Dr. Debra Warner is a leading forensic psychologist, trauma expert, author, and speaker who specializes in male trauma. She is the spouse of a male survivor and authored “His History, Her Story, a Survival Guide for Spouses of Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Trauma.” She has devoted her professional efforts to helping men and their loved ones confront and conquer their long term effects of trauma on the male psyche. She frequently addresses issues related to the #MenToo movement, challenges masculinity stereotypes, and works to dismantle stigmas related to male trauma. She currently is a professor at the Los Angeles campus of the Chicago School of Professional Psychology’s Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology, and a sought-out expert witness, psychological evaluator, and consultant. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 353
@DeadCatX2
@DeadCatX2 4 жыл бұрын
"How come we don't say don't hit anyone?!" The truth...
@MyRofaith
@MyRofaith 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly.... my divorce attorney told me that if she hits me again, run, just run... don't hit back.... no one will believe you.... so I ran...
@sdmiii1102
@sdmiii1102 3 жыл бұрын
@@MyRofaith that’s awful, can’t even defend yourself
@buscuitsandtea
@buscuitsandtea 2 жыл бұрын
Ikr my brother was taught "don't by girls" not don't buy anyone but the girls he went to school with weren't taught "don't hit people" so thy would hang up and bully him they would hit him and people would make fun of him for getting beat up by a group of girls bc they were "girls" no that has nothing to do with it violence is violence we shouldn't be teagcing don't be vioent towards certain ppl we should be geahcign dot be violent
@decristal48
@decristal48 Жыл бұрын
@@buscuitsandtea We have to teach kids to not be victims, nor victimizers. We have to teach to treat each other, everyone, with respect.
@janetburris5170
@janetburris5170 4 жыл бұрын
I work with men who have substance abuse issues. This is often the core...the real problem! Trauma is the disease. Addiction is the symptom! Thank you so much for sharing your work!
@catedoge3206
@catedoge3206 4 жыл бұрын
woah. addiction is the symptom. o.o amazing.
@flagmichael
@flagmichael 3 жыл бұрын
Self-medication almost guarantees addiction. Even if the substance is not pharmaceutically addictive, if somebody cannot go on without it they are addicted.
@bearclaus2676
@bearclaus2676 Жыл бұрын
I live with terrible trauma and with it a combination of the worst of mental health conditions due to all of it. Thankfully my common sense is excellent and i've steered away from alcohol or drug addiction. Youre right about what you say, 100% its a symptom and it serves to exacerbate the damage. It definitely will not help the sufferer.
@stevenw.miguel
@stevenw.miguel Жыл бұрын
Ugh, it’s also the vibe of, “you should feel proud” We deal with
@janetburris5170
@janetburris5170 Жыл бұрын
@Johnny Haircut I'm sorry to hear that you have lived with trauma and addiction. I hope you can see a way toward healing now that you've made the connection! EMDR might be helpful.
@Jiffygal
@Jiffygal 5 жыл бұрын
I love this!! Men suffer badly, too!!!!!!!! I know so many men who are abused who are afraid to speak up because they are afraid no one will believe them - even with tons of evidence!
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
💙
@godistoogood6362
@godistoogood6362 4 жыл бұрын
You dont care
@lancewalker2595
@lancewalker2595 4 жыл бұрын
@@godistoogood6362 Why do you make that assumption? I've denied the existence of people that care as well, because I never wanted to accept the risk that I was lying to myself about their kind intentions. Don't do that to yourself, people do care.
@youngafrica7051
@youngafrica7051 4 жыл бұрын
The molesters groomed me introduced me to there friends passed me around bought me phones so he could pass around on the party line to muddy the waters.
@fezan173
@fezan173 3 жыл бұрын
@@youngafrica7051 I'd love to hear ur story!
@macman21
@macman21 2 жыл бұрын
I am a male who was assaulted by a female. It bothers to this day that nobody believed me. I was 21 at the time. She was 22. She applied pressure on me that broke me down so badly.
@1diagram
@1diagram Жыл бұрын
I believe you. My father was the victim of domestic abuse. I believe you.
@BZ4MENT
@BZ4MENT Жыл бұрын
Hey sir, can you elaborate if you don’t mind? If not it’s cool. I am just confused on the matter and I’m trynna educate myself
@empowersurvivors299
@empowersurvivors299 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry that no one believed you and that you were assaulted.
@utubesep
@utubesep Жыл бұрын
I believe you
@Crash-the-Purple-Puppet1
@Crash-the-Purple-Puppet1 Жыл бұрын
I on your side dude. No worries we believe you, we got you back.
@ReneG0982
@ReneG0982 Жыл бұрын
I'm a male abuse survivor. It took me years to tell my parents, and when I finally did there was just silence. Most of my life I've been drawn to strong women, and I realize now that it's because as a child i longed for my mother's love and protection. And while I don't need anyone to protect me anymore, I so tremendously value the women who are able to see men's pain.
@stagthechainsawbeserker3926
@stagthechainsawbeserker3926 10 ай бұрын
I feel the same way I was never abused but I have always found attraction with good hearted women I too longed for my mothers love and protection.
@johnd545
@johnd545 2 ай бұрын
I just buried my husband last week. We were married for 38 years. He disclosed his childhood trauma in detail starting on January 17, 2017. A day I will never forget nor any day since. Your post defines so many aspects of our life, relationship and marriage. Thank you.
@buddyscott3490
@buddyscott3490 5 жыл бұрын
I feel so human after listening to this . I feel so along and I’ve never told my story. I pray I live long enough one day to share it .
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
Please share! Reach out to me. Debra Warner.
@user-jn1wm3tb8v
@user-jn1wm3tb8v 4 жыл бұрын
Please tell someone.
@buddyscott3490
@buddyscott3490 4 жыл бұрын
0 0 you’re right .. I need to
@user-jn1wm3tb8v
@user-jn1wm3tb8v 4 жыл бұрын
@@buddyscott3490 Please Buddy.
@evaaveu
@evaaveu 4 жыл бұрын
I wish you will! Don't be strong, be real, you're allowed to! ♥️♥️♥️
@rustecohle591
@rustecohle591 3 жыл бұрын
Most men are either in denial about their abuse or are reluctant to reveal it due to the shame or society diminishing their experience… so it’s probably much more than 1 in 6.
@Jiffygal
@Jiffygal 5 жыл бұрын
Why hasn't this video gone viral? It deserves to be.
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 5 жыл бұрын
Please share to help make it so!
@Jiffygal
@Jiffygal 5 жыл бұрын
@@debrawarner2918 totally posted it on my Facebook 😍
@rprnorg
@rprnorg 5 жыл бұрын
@@debrawarner2918 tweeted it with links to your book and website.
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you
@SakuroAlex
@SakuroAlex 4 жыл бұрын
Proves her point
@greggeverman5578
@greggeverman5578 5 жыл бұрын
Pretty emotional interview. I’ve often thought this is a topic that doesn't get talked about enough. You tell em, girl!
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
💙
@joseph06ify
@joseph06ify 3 жыл бұрын
@blisslikethis4090
@blisslikethis4090 4 жыл бұрын
Wowww!! That was so powerful. I too work with male abuse victims and it is so sad to see the tremendous energy put into blocking out the pain because no one wants hear about abused men/boys.
@iloveu2273
@iloveu2273 3 жыл бұрын
IM LOOKING FOR JUSTICE TO MY SON
@michal_king478
@michal_king478 3 жыл бұрын
you are doing gods work
@destinymai7688
@destinymai7688 3 жыл бұрын
@@iloveu2273 I hope u find ur justice for he didn't deserve it❤❤❤❤❤
@NinjaIntheMatrix188
@NinjaIntheMatrix188 Жыл бұрын
@@iloveu2273 How can I be of assistance? I hope you find time justice. 🙏
@iloveu2273
@iloveu2273 Жыл бұрын
@@NinjaIntheMatrix188 . You can help me praying to God so that the truth win and justice be served . Or if you can send me an economical help let me know for me to inform you my mailing address.
@suristar835
@suristar835 3 жыл бұрын
I cried a lot... All human are needed to be respected. I hope every male survivors be happy, My first language is not English, so I feel difficult to express what I felt ):
@brittanywilliams971
@brittanywilliams971 3 жыл бұрын
It's okay we will listen
@flagmichael
@flagmichael 3 жыл бұрын
Happiness really can't come from the same root as serious trauma. Happiness can come from starting a new life, if the effects of PTSD can be controlled well enough.
@georgeburns6512
@georgeburns6512 3 жыл бұрын
Your feeling the soy in your veins rn
@fransiskaferdinand8455
@fransiskaferdinand8455 3 жыл бұрын
@@georgeburns6512 blablabla
@lukefarrell1453
@lukefarrell1453 Жыл бұрын
@@georgeburns6512 you need a brain scan
@MyRofaith
@MyRofaith 3 жыл бұрын
Been there... emotional, verbal, and physical abuse... family have told me to not talk about it. "Don't bare out family business in public" they say..... I could barely talk about it myself. Finally did to a Pastoral Counselor.... He told me that I was the victim of an emotional terrorist. I couldn't have put it into more succinct words....
@shaunlebedev8600
@shaunlebedev8600 5 жыл бұрын
It never ends as whenever you say it out loud, you get looked at like you're weak and less of a man. So I keep my mouth shut. And I pretend to be okay. But I feel like a ghost that hasn't figured out they're dead yet. A part of me I will never get back died when it happened to me. I don't know how it'll ever get better.
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
Your a survivor! 💙
@DeadCatX2
@DeadCatX2 4 жыл бұрын
Find a therapist who has this kind of attitude and give all the tears to them alone. People like this genuinely won't think you're weak, and and professionals have patient-client privilege. Once it's all out in a setting where someone with experience can give you practical advice based on other clients in similar situations... it will be easier to maintain your composure in settings where social standing may be compromised. Because sadly, as a general rule of thumb it is still rather ill-advised for a man to display any form of weakness at any time. Slip once and people's opinions change forever.
@acuriousbeing3122
@acuriousbeing3122 3 жыл бұрын
May God bless you! God will grace you with the best 🙏 🙏
@decristal48
@decristal48 Жыл бұрын
The more you talk about it, with a professional, the weaker the memory becomes. You can do it 💙
@beyeringly
@beyeringly Жыл бұрын
You are abused (physical, emotional, all the same) by your father as a child for 15 years, your mother does not protect you. Then you repeat it to yourself the rest of your life, by the time you understand it is hard to silence in your head
@petercoe1861
@petercoe1861 4 жыл бұрын
I couldn't contain my tears through most of this, thank you so much Dr. Warner for your research, work, passion, and for being a powerful voice for the unspoken trauma survivors. The fact that there are people like you in this world give me hope that I can fully confront and heal from past, and even maybe one day speak about it to others in my life without being overwhelmed with shame.
@listenandlove190
@listenandlove190 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@michal_king478
@michal_king478 3 жыл бұрын
we are people too goddamit
@decristal48
@decristal48 Жыл бұрын
I heard the memory becomes weaker as you talk about it, with professionals of course. I'm sure if it works for everyone, but I want to believe that 💜
@louisvetton640
@louisvetton640 11 ай бұрын
❤hi give me your emails if you want to exchange with me your story,I'm too like you
@JaredEvans91
@JaredEvans91 Жыл бұрын
I opened up about being molested by a girl when I was a kid, and was told to “get over it because it was so long ago.” I’m grateful for this TedTalk!!!
@princeofgreece9054
@princeofgreece9054 3 жыл бұрын
The fact that this only has 34,000 views is absolutely criminal. This may be the most important topic we could ever talk about. This isn’t a problem, it’s an absolute crisis.
@blessedandbeautiful8365
@blessedandbeautiful8365 3 жыл бұрын
Too many are trying to distract their pain with drama and mess. Isn’t it crazy the silliest video will get hundreds of millions of views but the amount of views this real life issue will never get that amount of views.
@internetflower9408
@internetflower9408 3 жыл бұрын
so many women need to hear this!
@GingerZombie29
@GingerZombie29 3 жыл бұрын
Men, as well. You would not believe how many of them actually defend the women and laugh at the male victims.
@cva9105
@cva9105 3 жыл бұрын
Most women I've even mentioned this to don't care. They think it's over due and should be applauded. Men are raised in households where the constant refrain is "men deserve pain" so they laugh at the pain of other men because "it must have been earned".
@marymaedimakiling5110
@marymaedimakiling5110 3 жыл бұрын
As a woman, I'm glad that more women stand up for men who are abused and stopping the double standards.
@scg7442
@scg7442 3 жыл бұрын
It's way too many people who believe that men can't be victims
@TheAcadianGuy
@TheAcadianGuy 3 жыл бұрын
Women don't care
@augustine9975
@augustine9975 2 жыл бұрын
I cried. I myself is the survivor and It really took 20 or more years for me to talk about it.
@louisvetton640
@louisvetton640 11 ай бұрын
❤why it's so hard,why it takes All this time for you to disclose
@thepsychologyofbeauty
@thepsychologyofbeauty 5 жыл бұрын
I am so proud of this research and you so deserve the best speech award! It is such a gripping subject that can help others heal.
@buddyscott3490
@buddyscott3490 3 жыл бұрын
The Psychology of Beauty you’re beautiful
@georgeburns6512
@georgeburns6512 3 жыл бұрын
Shut you you attention seeking troglodytes. Quit enabling these tampon using simps.
@nobro1975
@nobro1975 3 жыл бұрын
I’ve been going though it the last few days. When I’m on top of my game..as a man...memories come in and punch me in the gut. I’m so thankful for this because validation is so important. I’m pushing to end this part of this cycle in my life once and for all. 🙏🏾
@douglasfowler9076
@douglasfowler9076 2 жыл бұрын
This cut me like a knife. It was 2 weeks ago when I broke my silence told my wife of 25 year about my 40 plus year secret the shame I felt back then is the same as I feel today. I still can’t tell my parents and they are in their 80s the feelings she describes are spot on I felt like she was describing me. I was in tears most of the way through this video and even today it is hard to find any help.
@whisper2284
@whisper2284 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry that happened to you. I am so happy that you trusted your wife enough to share your trauma. Why continue to hold a secret and, shame that do not belong to you? The perpetrator deserves to feel ashamed, not you. Hold up your head up high and march on. Abuse doesn't make you less of a man. It shows your resilience to overcome the obstacles and build a productive life.
@hishamayyash3270
@hishamayyash3270 Жыл бұрын
Im glad you found the open arms to trust and the ears who listened to you and the heart that felt you, I hope you feel better. I still until this moment cannot tell anyone, and my painful traumatic secrets may die with me, I just simply can't until now. I hope you found the peace my friend
@user-kb6ly7ro3x
@user-kb6ly7ro3x 9 ай бұрын
You are not alone ! Follow the organization 1 in 6 . Prayers for healing and much respect for your courage in sharing your story .
@levimacky6547
@levimacky6547 4 жыл бұрын
This needs more views.
@listenandlove190
@listenandlove190 3 жыл бұрын
Please share
@fan188power6
@fan188power6 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly and woman need to stop denying we go through problems too
@errorsheep
@errorsheep 3 жыл бұрын
I completely agree
@joemaxwell4954
@joemaxwell4954 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I'm struggling with this still... I'm that 11 year old not once but lasted a decade and it's caused more pain than i can actually admit to.....
@M31eighty
@M31eighty 3 жыл бұрын
God Bless You, Brother.
@ernoniemi9993
@ernoniemi9993 3 жыл бұрын
I am a Victim myself. Thank you Debra, I thought I will never see a girl like you. I am glad to see that you are here.
@whosapickle
@whosapickle 3 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you are here. We are survivors.
@ernoniemi9993
@ernoniemi9993 3 жыл бұрын
@@whosapickle I am with you.
@tellurye
@tellurye 3 жыл бұрын
Im very glad that you mention how there are ZERO resources for men. Not one. There actually used to be one shelter for men, but that has been shut down for lack of funding. Some shelters, if they are empty, will let men stay, but they must leave as soon as a woman needs to move in.
@errorsheep
@errorsheep 3 жыл бұрын
It's great to see women acknowledging our silence, It lets toxic feminists know just how toxic they're being
@adrianramirez6848
@adrianramirez6848 2 жыл бұрын
exactly. we need the right types of feminists.
@downunder3455
@downunder3455 Жыл бұрын
@@chocolatebaby889 Men have taken action. Yours is the comment of someone who has the mind of a baby made of chocolate...after it was eaten and crapped out by a dog.
@codywarhawk7099
@codywarhawk7099 Жыл бұрын
@@chocolatebaby889 mamy of the DV shelters made for men got shut down by feminists. We've tried, y'all show up and picket and protest until it gets shut down.
@localplaguedoctor
@localplaguedoctor Жыл бұрын
​@@adrianramirez6848 we don't need to see "fem" inists. We need equalists. True equalists.
@kristoff1skalet176
@kristoff1skalet176 2 жыл бұрын
Her talk was amazing. I'm a survivor. From toddler to teens. Abused by both genders..by family & others. My parent was severely abusive in all ways. This caused much emotional & psychological distress. Even at 50.. I'm still seeking advice on achieving some form of normalcy. Am a recovering addict as well. Self medicated for 10 years..finally am facing the pain rather than numb it.
@I_Am_Transcendentem
@I_Am_Transcendentem 11 ай бұрын
Her on the brink of tears got me. I am a boy and have not been a victim of abuse but I feel for my fellow guys.
@Andrea-rp7kh
@Andrea-rp7kh 3 жыл бұрын
Wow. What an amazing and intelligent person you are. I'm 49 and I'm still struggling with what happened to me as a child, and what made it worse was having a toxic family that believed that I was 'attention seeking' when I told them 15 years after it happened, and then constantly belittled my experience for the next 25 years until I broke all ties with them. Keep up the good work. With people like you in the world, less men will have to deal with what is a life sentence for a crime that someone else committed.
@listenandlove190
@listenandlove190 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@alessandromaldonado-boicel6645
@alessandromaldonado-boicel6645 2 жыл бұрын
Sending a lot of hugs pal ❤️
@theturkeyfarm9527
@theturkeyfarm9527 3 жыл бұрын
"I'm Robert's wife" I did NOT see that one coming
@listenandlove190
@listenandlove190 3 жыл бұрын
No one did!
@prowolf633
@prowolf633 9 ай бұрын
Yet it explains how she knows so much doesn’t it?
@briannecowart5911
@briannecowart5911 3 жыл бұрын
Even as a woman who has spoken up about this kind of thing for a few years now, I learned so much from this video. We NEED to talk about this more. In the same way women are suppressed from doing what they may want to do, men are pushed to become the best they can, even if the best they can isn't what's expected of them.
@errorsheep
@errorsheep 3 жыл бұрын
I completely agree, Videos about female victims get almost 100 times as many views as the video for the male victim, That needs to change.
@jpitt
@jpitt 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for voicing a silent trauma about male survivors. I to suffer in silence. I will be 59 this year taking one day at a time
@worldwidechubbyguy6138
@worldwidechubbyguy6138 3 жыл бұрын
The fact the this gets 14k views while the others get millions...
@janesmith8894
@janesmith8894 4 жыл бұрын
Addiction is a way of coping with emotional pain.
@Abcdefghijklmnopqratuvwxyz1111
@Abcdefghijklmnopqratuvwxyz1111 26 күн бұрын
Thank you so much for this video. Having being abused for 11 years from age 5 to 16 from my mother, until I moved out of home, I relate to this very well. Now I’m studying Community Services here in Australia where I had a debate with my angry bitter female teacher that was teaching the class that “all men need to stop beating and killing women”. The teacher and some students couldn’t understand my issue with such a statement and I admit, I’ve hid in class since and haven’t wanted to speak up as I’ve been scared to feel attacked again. Suffice to say this video is what I needed to see to bring the old me back and to stand up for what is incorrect. Thanks kindly
@Caspese
@Caspese Жыл бұрын
I’ve been assaulted by multiple women.
@michal_king478
@michal_king478 3 жыл бұрын
4:26 I almost completely forgot about this but back when I was a little kid, I was being told this from time to time by teachers etc and it always felt like youre already guilty right from birth. The same feeling as being unrightfuly acused of a crime. I always wanted to ask "why are you telling me this." and why arent you telling girls the same. back in kindergarten or elementary. Kids fought from time to time no matter the gender. But it would always be the boys fault.
@kingstonpark6154
@kingstonpark6154 3 жыл бұрын
Right! A girl kicked me below the belt and spit on me when I was down, then I went to the principal office, she got suspended and when I told my mom the first thing she asked was, "you didn't hit her back did you?" I said no and went quiet for the rest of the ride home..I don't think teaching one gender to not hit the opposite gender will do any good.
@ohyesmrbread8237
@ohyesmrbread8237 3 жыл бұрын
I absolutely love this. This is a topic we don’t talk about enough, and it’s honestly so sad. Men, you are valid too. You matter. People may not tell you that enough, but it’s true. You are just as important as anyone else. ❤️
@kildavichh5969
@kildavichh5969 3 жыл бұрын
Ma’am I am thoroughly impressed with your ability to express what we as men have been have been trying to say but could not, thank you
@brendancorey7831
@brendancorey7831 3 жыл бұрын
I personally can't do anything about my own personal life and current situation. It had gotten so bad I had to hide behind a female persona to actually spread my story out before I could get help. I wish I was joking. I was laughing last night because I had enough with my emotional state as its gotten to a low. Then I got a text from a male friend who still didn't know I was also male. He poured his soul to me and I let him. I wanted to help him so bad. All I could do was say words that most likely rang hollow to him. He texted me this morning and at least seemed grateful for the conversations. What little I can do is gonna help others and myself hopefully.
@hristinatrajkovskatrajkovs74
@hristinatrajkovskatrajkovs74 4 жыл бұрын
This is the best speech ever.
@stephenrobb7531
@stephenrobb7531 3 жыл бұрын
I am so blessed to have hurd you tock. I am now 60 years old, and lived in this Shame for 56 years. Thank you for what you are doing. I not strong enough to tell more, but I'm helping, thank you and God bless you and your family always Aman
@craycraywolf6726
@craycraywolf6726 3 жыл бұрын
Dude this was perfection...good job Debra Warner
@chander2nyc
@chander2nyc 5 жыл бұрын
ROCK ON Dr. DEB! You are a champion for all survivors, and especially for men who have experienced any kind of trauma. I've been honored to speak at SCRIPT three times now. I can only hope our work will continue to bear fruit and empower more trauma survivors to know they are not alone and that they can heal!
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
💙
@tristanmules7995
@tristanmules7995 3 жыл бұрын
I can imagine that she is a fierce advocate for men, women and trans people against abuse.
@derominna
@derominna 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. Debra!
@freejsjj
@freejsjj 3 жыл бұрын
Really touched me. Really needs more awareness. Thank you for your work!
@thinkaaj
@thinkaaj 4 жыл бұрын
started age 7 now I'm 38 .. last year I told a sibling .. and I was told .. I don't want my partner to hear that
@RajSharma-hr6os
@RajSharma-hr6os 3 жыл бұрын
I think u should share pal GodBlessyouuu I wish u a great life✌🏻❤️🌼
@homer2281
@homer2281 Жыл бұрын
when i hid my traumas from my ex, i didn't do it bc i consider it to be less of a man, but because i didn't trust her and she didn't comfort me enough for that. i shared afterwards when she made me comfortable enough and she supported me
@mikey5192
@mikey5192 Жыл бұрын
This made me cry. Men suffer too
@adibafiq6945
@adibafiq6945 2 жыл бұрын
😭Thank you!!😭thank you for speaking for us about this Maam😭i've been a victim and had kept a secret for myself for almost 20 years😭thank you!! im sorry for my bad english,im just too afraid to tell anyone😭
@anthonymartinez4780
@anthonymartinez4780 2 жыл бұрын
I grew up with an abusive stepfather. Physical and emotional abuse and eventually being told he didn't want me in his family when my grandmother found out and protected me. I remember when I was 5, my mother, stepfather and sisters left me home alone to go out, I found a kitchen knife and in that moment thought about taking my own life. To this day I regret not doing it. The next 8 years of being forced to stay in my room except for school, not allowed to be a kid, dealing with social anxiety, always thinking that someone is out to get me, the people I've hurt along the way. I've chosen to not have children. The trauma will die with me and I will not spread it to the next generation. I envy my sister and close friend, both of whom get to raise children.
@EHWFederation1
@EHWFederation1 Жыл бұрын
Wow, not only was this presentation highly emotional and informative but when she revealed the twist at the end I was completely stunned and it made the story she was telling that much realer.
@katetroyer9204
@katetroyer9204 3 жыл бұрын
I appreciate your sharing so very much. ❤️ I’m incredibly grateful for the work you do in this worthy cause for our men.
@Chris05161967
@Chris05161967 3 жыл бұрын
Dr. Warner, Bless you for all that you do.
@obiefulesopuruchi4930
@obiefulesopuruchi4930 4 жыл бұрын
Wow! I wish I could stand by my ex that went through a lot of abuse the way you did ma'am. I feel so ashamed of myself.
@decristal48
@decristal48 Жыл бұрын
You have nothing to be ashamed of, it wasn't your fault at all. I wish you all the best 💙
@williamjennett37
@williamjennett37 Жыл бұрын
i suffer C-PTSD early childhood trauma the worst thing to me is my younges sister called me a liar she was to young to see what my mother and father were doing to me my older sister seen everything she used to mop the blood up every day the blood off my back from been wipped with wire jug cord my doctor nose it all my sister and my girl friend are the only people in my life i can trust sorry for the wing buy
@markTwain92
@markTwain92 Жыл бұрын
"Somewhere Under The Rainbow You"ll Find Me: The Origins of Sunshine" soon to be published. A survivor's story. The beginning of a book series that will change the World.
@jonny_and_ru
@jonny_and_ru 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, thank you for this, I needed it big time x
@jwagnersongs
@jwagnersongs Жыл бұрын
This lady is amazing! Her message is very powerful. Thank you Dr. Warner
@felipealonso7859
@felipealonso7859 3 жыл бұрын
What a powerful talk
@robertrosen2703
@robertrosen2703 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for speaking out. I was crying through half of the video. I guess I should try to come to terms with my own experiences. Because I want to be finally free.
@SonuSharma-ch9mh
@SonuSharma-ch9mh Жыл бұрын
thank you so much for this
@ElecTricksCity
@ElecTricksCity 3 жыл бұрын
Someone who knows what some of us been through. I've only told very few people about my experiences with grown women when I was a kid
@gustavmuller500
@gustavmuller500 Ай бұрын
Our world NEEDS MORE Women like you Debra Warner.
@sally5256
@sally5256 6 ай бұрын
Thank you for your work. Tears….😢. I have a new understanding thank you 🙏❤️
@roseystudio10
@roseystudio10 Жыл бұрын
Poor Robert...poor any man that had endured this pain.
@KelzBernard
@KelzBernard 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this
@Dayglodaydreams
@Dayglodaydreams Жыл бұрын
We aren't silent. I have spoken out against my abuser, B Carter and Brian Carter.
@beastyyolo2336
@beastyyolo2336 Жыл бұрын
currently 14 male, right now when i was 7... i was r@ped by my grandpa he did it almost every time my parents would leave me there with him he would take me into his room and hold a gun on is lap... tell me if i did not do what he told me to do he would end me.... then i told my grandma cause every time he would do it my grandma wouldnt be there and she hit me and yelled at me saying i was lying.. she said if i told anyone it could get my mom, my stepdad, my grandpa arrested.. a few years later he had passed away from a severe lung disease he was able to do that to me for 5 years... after he had passed i buried it down then i told one of my friends over text then my mom she told my phone just last year and she decided to go through it and seen that text.. and thats how she found out i did not wanna tell my mom because i knew it would break her heart to know her own father would do that to her own children so it remained a secret... i still grieve over it today i smoke, and do shrooms to hide my pain..
@richk320
@richk320 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@orionrigel820
@orionrigel820 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you
@poliboy3171
@poliboy3171 2 жыл бұрын
Why am I only seeing this now??
@emmabobby3666
@emmabobby3666 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for speaking
@RHBR01
@RHBR01 Жыл бұрын
Oh, this is a good one. I absolutely hate the gendering of abuse and assault; men are not always the perpetrators, women are not always the victims, and walking into these situations with those kinds of biases is how injustice happens.
@leondiblicek7527
@leondiblicek7527 Жыл бұрын
Agreed
@highflyerkb2419
@highflyerkb2419 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Debra, you’ve got me crying in the middle of Oklahoma.
@adzmac515
@adzmac515 2 жыл бұрын
I hate that anytime I disclose, there is a very present awareness of media or documentaries etc. suggesting that victims often go on and become perpetrators themselves. OMG!
@brianb5745
@brianb5745 Жыл бұрын
Thank you.
@androphile
@androphile 5 жыл бұрын
Amazing video! Thanks for this.
@rprnorg
@rprnorg 5 жыл бұрын
good to see you commenting here!
@freakmeaning6710
@freakmeaning6710 Жыл бұрын
The shame I feel from having to put my emotions onto other people is suffocating. Worse off is people don't really understand the cost of a life of repressed emotions, so even people with good intentions ultimately kind of end up reinforcing a lot of those emotional abandonment issues. Like it's a problem too big to fix. Little steps.
@sciencewizard2861
@sciencewizard2861 4 жыл бұрын
How do I remove other people's dislikes?
@marymaedimakiling5110
@marymaedimakiling5110 3 жыл бұрын
Ignore them, just like how the society ignore the problem today. At least, Likes are higher than that.
@prowolf633
@prowolf633 9 ай бұрын
The dislikes are probably misandrist feminists and privileged women who don’t like the idea of men being victims over them!
@danikajune7141
@danikajune7141 Жыл бұрын
The honesty is moving. We need more discussion about men's trauma 😔
@prowolf633
@prowolf633 9 ай бұрын
And we need women to be held accountable for abusing men!
@PsicologiaconAntoni
@PsicologiaconAntoni 4 жыл бұрын
Amazing job , keep going please!
@Esotericreation1618
@Esotericreation1618 3 жыл бұрын
Amazing woman thank you.
@ronalddeem8154
@ronalddeem8154 Жыл бұрын
Thank you❤
@toneymullins119
@toneymullins119 Жыл бұрын
MY GOD THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN WITHOUT ANYTHING TO SAY EXCEPT : GOD PLEASE HELP THIS MAN AND THIS WONDERFUL WOMAN RECEIVE THE GREAT LIFE (FINALLY) THEY DESERVE. I MAY BE A MALE BUT I CRIED LISTENING TO HER. BLESS BOTH OF YOU 🤠 OKIE COWBOY ❤️
@user-kb6ly7ro3x
@user-kb6ly7ro3x 9 ай бұрын
As an advocate for human trafficking survivors, I see a gap in services to serve our male youth . Much needed awareness !
@abrahamyuantsur8528
@abrahamyuantsur8528 2 жыл бұрын
Thank You 🙏
@errorsheep
@errorsheep 3 жыл бұрын
Arigato Dr. Warner
@daver629111
@daver629111 5 жыл бұрын
thank you
@debrawarner2918
@debrawarner2918 4 жыл бұрын
Your welcome 💙
@MissConscience1
@MissConscience1 4 жыл бұрын
@@debrawarner2918 Thank you very much! it's people like you who make the world a better place to live!
@tacocatzero3541
@tacocatzero3541 3 жыл бұрын
Never heard truer words, about men withdrawing and affecting their relationships when they feel like they're not living up to the male expectation. Currently living it until I can get my ducks back in a row.
@larrylorimer3065
@larrylorimer3065 Жыл бұрын
Thanks Debra it brought tears! When I was falsely removed from my family not to see my 4 children ever again,. The first lawyer I had, had the prison papers on my Ex-father-in-law and the Ex-wife with their affair while I was married. She received $30,000 from the case and was allowed him to baby sit my 4 children. This was all gone without my knowledge. I hit the wall hard when I found out as the Courts would not allow me talk to my children for 5 years. Now my children don't need or want their father as I was Discarded by the system.
@jaredjames1989
@jaredjames1989 3 жыл бұрын
I've attempted suicide 3x, take medication, gone to therapy for years and still refuse to disclose my abuse to my therapist. I still think about ending it bc of how much no one I'm not paying can bother to give me 5 minutes of a shoulder to lean on or care about my pain.
@tristanmules7995
@tristanmules7995 3 жыл бұрын
Hmm this rings true to me... I wont go to a psychologist because to me, something so intimate and personal shouldn't come from a stranger that I;m paying - in that way it almost seems like prostitution. Don't despair, our communities and families have been pushed apart so far not many of us can see it... have compassion for yourself, and them. your time will come
@wohlhabendermanager
@wohlhabendermanager 2 жыл бұрын
Hey Jared. I hope you are still with us. Please, at the very least tell your therapist about your abuse. Doesn't matter if you pay them or not. Talking about it helps. I am sure it will also help open up to others about it.
@shyhedaisofine5654
@shyhedaisofine5654 2 жыл бұрын
I enjoyed this video. I subscribed. I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. And an advocate for victims of D V.
@Meowface.
@Meowface. Жыл бұрын
A man can’t tel anyone... no benefit comes of it Not your family, not your partner, not your friends, not even your doctor if you can help it Couple years ago I had to go to a hospital to get checked out... I had been increasingly sick and in pain in my lower abdominal area... anyhow doctor needed to do an abdominal exam I explained that because of some terrible experiences in childhood I would have a really difficult time going through it Laying down numbing my mind, letting someone touch me, submitting to it Anyhow I had a terrible time with it The doctor told me my illness was probably just because I’m so tense n worked up Even doctors want to get rid of you when they see you’re mentally ill or weak or a victim.. if you’re a man I wish I could have gone through that exam without saying anything but that wasn’t reasonable I went to another clinic and said I was scared of the exam because I thought it would hurt my sick stomach
@HIThitech
@HIThitech 3 жыл бұрын
these TedTalks vids and comment section give me more faith in society
@genegould6357
@genegould6357 Жыл бұрын
Finally someone understands!! It's hard for men to talk about it!!!
@TheWhittleGreenVanUK
@TheWhittleGreenVanUK Жыл бұрын
I am a survivor of marital abuse, I tried to leave twice, and failed both times, finally when I couldn't earn enough money for her, as the recession took my business, she told me it was over, then went round telling everyone that would listen all the things she had done to me, but turned it round as if I had done it all to her, I had to move areas, I had a full breakdown, but still no one believed me, so now I stand up, and say I survived, and I will not go back to that place, our daughter is now 19, so I have no need to even talk to her, but she still goes round calling me the abuser, and because she is a woman, everyone believes her without any need for proof :(
@atillaboraaydn5163
@atillaboraaydn5163 3 жыл бұрын
Some men scream in silence
@errorsheep
@errorsheep 3 жыл бұрын
"some" That is a huge miss understatement, my friend. Let me fix that A LOT of men scream in silence.
@tropik5724
@tropik5724 3 жыл бұрын
all of them
@sbuthwala1966
@sbuthwala1966 2 жыл бұрын
I am writing a book now, reflecting on my abuse as a man, and also other stories addressing these issues …yeah hey being in South Africa is even worse, especially in KwaZulu-Natal province ..
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