"Love is what happens when we STOP trying to figure out who deserves it." - Karen Faith (wow! I love this quote!)

“I will listen to you, but I will not obey you.” That really made me cry.

Her talk reminded me of a Rumi poem. “This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

This felt like stand up comedy, therapy and a poetry session all in one. Beautiful.

The technique Karen is talking about is called Internal Family Systems (IFS). I had a therapist use this to help me and it did wonders. You can also use it yourself. It works if you can ask yourself questions in a self-compassionate way. It does feel like you are crazy when another voice (which is yours) speaks back, but parts of us have been stuck in traumatic moments.

Best note: "We've been told love is hard. It's not. Love is what happens when we stop trying to figure out who deserves it. It's right there.. and we welcome someone, anyone exactly as they are in the moment."

"Everyone that you show unconditional welcome may show you a part of yourself to love"

I’m a TED Talk addict and have listened to hundreds of them - and this one is one of the most compelling AND practically useful.

So her name is basically CARE AND FAITH…. THAT IS SO APPROPRIATE

This is kind of people we need to make this world a better place

So strange how, sometimes, you stumble upon exactly what you need in that moment. Thank you.

"can you just.. welcome them here" "can you welcome you" I love the way she says it

She is phenomenal. A force of nature. I didn't even realize I had tears running down my face for a moment, that's how deeply she reaches. She bypasses the conscious mind and ego and speaks directly to your subconscious, the truth. I wish that everyone had at least a fraction of her wisdom and intelligence. We would be a thriving, evolved global society in no time.

Came to a lot of these realizations as a tattoo artist. We have to sit with people we don't agree with for hours sometimes. It's our job to make something beautiful for them.

If you can't love yourself ,start by loving others , actually that way you respect yourself and it is loving yourself too

“Love is what happens when you stop trying to figure out who deserves it.” I’m now inspired to practice growing my “sphere of unconditional welcome”. 💗

I’m just so blessed that every time I hit a wall, the universe sends me a lifeline. And this talk was it this time around.

Top human. Scarily confident, funny, intelligent, professional speaker, beautiful voice, flawless diction and an actor's range of tonality and so incredibly expressive... Perfect live delivery from memory or ad-libbed?? AND with a vital compassionate humanist message and a bunch of cool insights on the way.

Easily one of the best TED Talks I’ve ever watched. Awesome message and compelling speaker.

Absolutely extraordinary. This is a masterclass in delivering a TED-style talk, how to use humor without stepping on the message, AND on the deeply misunderstood and under-appreciated skill of perspective-taking. What a gift to us working in the field of human connection. Thank you, Karen!

I’m sitting here crying. I’ve prayed for months for God to help me better myself. All myselves. The signs He has given me just the past few days are overwhelming but I’m welcoming them all! Your talk is awesome THANK YOU

Wow, definitely made me cry. That moment when you realize that we all have parts, and some of them just need a hug, like how you would hug a little kid. I believe she is talking about Internal Family Systems.

This actually made me feel so much relief. "The round table" of inner selves is exactly how I describe how I found the strength to rebuild myself and function again after falling into a sever depression when my partner passed I slept nearly all day but my mind was my inner selves sitting in a circle in a dark room bringing everything to light and talking through everything. To hear I'm not just crazy for how I did it and that others do too is such a comfort .

I watched this multiple times to make sure all my inner selves saw it. ❤️

Title sparked the thought of if i cant talk to myself kindly....

Seeing myself as a prism instead of a broken mirror is wonderful

I'm a therapist. This is WONDERFUL. Brilliant.

"Love is a house you can crawl in through a window" this is so poetic

Psychodynamic psychology refers to this as the "committee in your head." I often ask my clients to identify who they have on their committee in their head, and if they want those voices (often from childhood trauma) to continue with a seat on the committee. What a well done talk, thank you!

I've had so many issues working on this, i feel like i did get better at dealing with it but still it's very hard at times. Consider the fact that 1 year ago i was jobless, depressed, out of shape, heavy smoker and out of options in life as a 25yro, and at that time i was extremely rough with myself, i used to genuinely hate myself, and hate is a strong word. Then i took a leap of faith and traveled to another country, i had to stop being so toxic with myself, psychologically and physically, it started with what i eat, i started to eat more healthy, stopped smoking... 6 months free of it! I started working out as well and learning the language of said country. It's been such a wild ride, and despite the fact that i consider myself to have made such a good change in my life i can't but be harsh at myself at times, but i know why, some of these reasons are true in my opinion and some are just delusions that i created over the years. I really plan on working on this and just free myself of the chains that i created.

Our depression speaks for us, far more than anything we can ever say at times.

How strange it is that I find it on a time when I needed all these answers in maybe exactly the way you addressed it. It is a very beautiful way. And I’m too going to give all my selves unconditional positive regard and I know it will work out❤

This was absolutely brilliant. Karen captured what I have been struggling with my entire life. It was no accident that I stumbled upon this video I saw needed to see this. Thank you so much Karen from the bottom of my heart.

I love knowing I am not the only one with a roundtable. The last few years have felt all of the things she mentioned. Her daily commute sounds like the last 6 yrs of my life. There's no worst feeling to me than being trapped in your own mind and know no one can get you out except you. I hope she knows how powerful this was for me!

I am not looking for any kind of trouble. But she is the Karen that everyone needs to talk about ☠️💕

Speaking of micro cues, the way she says, "Horrible" at 14:05 sounded to me like despair, terror, love, betrayal, and sadness all smooshed into a single word's time-couldn't have been more than 3/4 of a second in an otherwise positive and hopeful string of words and ideas. It got me. When I heard that, it was like a knife went through my chest and poked my heart-took my breath away for a second and made my eyes well up. Maybe because I know all to well what she's talking about. Maybe because, for the moment she said that, I felt for a split second that I wasn't alone. One thing's for sure, our thoughts and emotions and the way our minds work and everything about us works to make us who we are and how we experience and interpret what's going on is extremely complex. I think she's right. We should give ourselves more credit, be kinder to ourselves. So I hope you reading this right now, if you know what I'm talking about, I hope you can know too that you're not alone. I want to take this moment, in my own multi-faceted sometimes good and bad and perfectly flawed self, to extend my love to you in your multi-faceted sometimes good and bad and perfectly flawed self. We're not alone, you and I. And we can learn to live and love ourselves. It's gonna get better. It's gonna be alright. 🙏❤

"Only reality is the moment , everything else is thoughts . What's in front of you , where you are , what you see with your eyes is real and that's reality . Rest everything is your thoughts " My mentor told me this and this thought helped me , maybe help you as well , try thinking that way .

"Love happens when we stop deciding who deserves it" - Karen Faith

Her voice is healing, and she really released the "me" who felt shaky with her voice omg 😂

This talk was uploaded 57 minutes ago... I just prayed about my struggle with self-love and acceptance....Never expected the answer to my prayer about learning to love and accept myself, would come through a Ted Talk on KZfaq. All I can do is cry and thank HIM for answering another prayer. ❤‍🩹

This was the best TEDtalk I’ve heard in a while. What a beautiful, meaningful conversation about honoring OURSELVES in every aspect. Even the bright, luminous moon in the night sky has its dark sides… though by no means does it detract from the light it projects onto the whole world

Im the joking dad and retired Marine combined. Just so you know Ms. Faith, im in rehab and have now incorporated your self-moderation into my daily mantra, as well as the "thank you for your input,remember our agreement"

I have done so much to "heal" and looked and looked for something that even scratches the surface. THIS has really, really helped. Thank you 💓

"Love happens when we stop trying to figure out who deserves it." Profound.

This is one of the best Ted talks I’ve heard in my entire life. What a great speaker! She made me feel so good about me and my parts! Good reminder for me to not be rough on myself and start seeing what différents part of me are telling me and accept them as they are! ❤ that’s how the path to accepting and unconditionally loving yourself starts. Thank you

“I promise I am going to take care of you, but I need you to get on board. I will listen to you but I will NOT obey you.” Going through a rough breakup now and really needed to hear this. My inner-child is in disbelief of the trauma and keeps screaming and crying out for something (but, like a child, doesn’t know what it needs). I just have to hold him, hear him out, and promise it’s going to be okay- but being toxic to ourselves or others won’t resolve anything.

What a beautiful way to share how our emotional traumas reveal themselves to be our greatest gift to humanity! ❤

Haven't seen a Ted this great in a while.

“Love is what happens when we Stop trying to figure out who deserves it” ❤

I came across this video just at the right time and it literally changed my life. She did something that most therapist have difficulty in doing in just 15 minutes. An eye-opening, inspirational talk. Thank you Karen!

It took youtube two months of recommending this to me every single day, but I hesitated. Until today. Thank you, Karen, I needed this.

WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU HELP ME IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES? 😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Love is in the air, love yourself and others too

10:57 thank you for sharing 11:00 I'm going to remind you of our agreement 11:02 to be honest and reasonable

I'm always in my head. This was so relatable. I literally had tears in my eyes the entire time and it wasn't even sad. Lol

"Love is what happens when we stop trying to figure out who deserves it." So powerful.

I lost my mother whom I was extraordinarily close with to suicide in 2018, although sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday still. I cannot begin to explain how much I identified with the things spoken in this video, they were words my soul needed to hear. I struggle with “beating myself up” a lot mentally. “She told me that we were never going to get better, and she wanted out of here. I asked her what I could do, she only told me she wanted to die, over and over and over”. Here’s to getting better.

It's in this point of time that I realize it's normal to have a conflicting feelings. That I don't have to repeatedly justify myself why I still remain kind to other given they've hurted me badly.

Beautiful and I’m grateful to have found this.

I love this talk so much, after being exhausted of just giving away too much love for other people, I became dismissive of their emotions, trying to protect my peace, but the happiness and love I feel disappeared, asking where it went.. turns out it's because I stopped caring, the joy of helping someone out even in the smallest things were gone. The talk gave me comfort, Just welcome everyone unconditionally and not look for specific people to love, everyone deserves to be loved. Thanks for the comfort and security ❤️

Loving someone in my life is really hard, but once without thinking I sat next to that person and was surprised I actually did that and didn't care if it was them or some other person. Love really is universal.

This shook me, and it feels like I will spend some time figuring out exactly why. In the meantime, it made me feel there's hope. We're here, right now, like this".

Karens usually call the manager to complain but YOU KAREN TOUCHED MY HEART AND I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS. Sending you so much love for sharing and being yourself

One of the best TED talks I watched. Probably because I am struggling with this, like who do I believe? What is real and what is not that’s why I was never able to trust myself. I will try this and hopefully I will be able to learn more about myself.

Oh my!!! You just described me perfectly!!! I have never been able to understand my CPSTD and all the voices that tell me who I am and am not...thank you for speaking my language...I hope one day I feel welcome to welcome me...

Great message “Love is what happens when we stop trying to figure out who deserves it.” And it’s true that all parts of you deserve to be heard!

If you want to read or know more about this topic it is called Internal Family Systems. Developed in the 1980s by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz. Good presentation. Thank you for sharing your experience!

The mind is hard to understand, the human mind is so complex, thanks for the message 😊

I have always tried to make sense of what's going on in my mind to others but I was never been able to explain it. Karen did it so beautifully

So funny cause I literally have meetings with all my selves!

Using the focus group to reimagine the self is a stroke of genius. We can imagine the moderator as a central self among our many selves, helping each of us to move towards a harmony of some kind. Wow! Thank you to the many people that constitute Karen Faith...

Accepting and not arguing with oneself. Listening and understanding should be a priority

This exact time last week I found myself having this talk. I gave into it, not expecting to wake up in the morning. I woke up started my week as usual but something different happened. I got back to work on the things I enjoy ,and I progressed much faster because all of me has been engaged to the process. I think it’s crazy that no matter how hard I push I can always push harder.

@ 12:09 "see myself less as a fragmented mirror and more like a prism".... or maybe a kaleidoscope scope.

This is perhaps one of the funniest but also heartwarming TED Talk I've ever watch. Thank you very much for your sharing and I truly enjoy it!

I loved people I never should have. They harmed me, until I walked away. I loved myself more. And that matters. Self love is vital. People who think they love others, but don't love themselves, aren't loving anyone. They are avoiding the truth. You can't give away what you don't have. She is wrong! She confuses love with being needy! They are not the same. Love is a two way meeting between two people.

Love doesn't care which way you come or what state you are in when you get there. I have no words. Absolutely incredibly brilliant, life changing

I really needed to hear this right now. Lots of me's are arguing with each other right now.

Brilliant! Thank you. My inner voices need to hear this over and over. Best of 2022 Ted

Man I had a part that incessantly wanted to die. Been working on internal family systems for a bit. Literally life changing

It all starts with love. It all starts with loving yourself and when you do that you start understanding others around you. One day I simply looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud, I LOVE YOU. After I did that my life got better. I now have empathy with people that have rough personalities. It’s all about love.

Wow, what a beautiful human! I randomly came across this talk and am MASSIVELY grateful I hit play. I wholeheartedly say it's one of my all time fav TED talks now (and I've seen a few!). It touched me to tears, made me giggle/laugh and it gave me a calming reassurance that I'm OK and defo not alone in having self-talks with the whole crew that lives inside of me 😁 Thank you, Karen for your honesty and for sharing these gem-like ideas! 🙏🏼

The most moving Ted Talk I’ve ever watched 🙏🏽

She was the One speaking but We felt heard. 🙏🏼

This morning my new experience was imagining that my long breathes of exhale were filling a bubble of calm.

One of the best Ted talks I’ve ever listened too. Wonderful presentation

She made me cry, she might just change my life

Schwartz’ Internal Family Systems practice in a wonderfully clear dialogue

Wow! It's like she is speaking my mind, my heart and my soul. Never have I ever heard anyone describe anything so accurately it's like she is describing me but the beauty is she is describing all of us. Reminds me how we're all the same and all connected in this vast universe. Beautiful 😍✨😍🥹🥺😢

This is basically the whole premise of internal family systems by Richard schwartz - I highly recommend his book.

This is one of the better Ted talks I've heard

I totally get loving others before you love yourself, the way that I learned to love myself was I gave empathy to others and then one day it occurred to me. Why am I not willing to do that for myself?

OMG! My heart cracked open when you mentioned 'when we stop trying to figure out who deserves it', I needed this thank you, Karen. It's nice to see one of you Karens taking lead, pun intended LOL!

What's she's describing is called Psychosynthesis. The view is based on the idea there are a lot of different parts of ourselves, often created to fulfill a need, and mental illness can arise when the different selves come into conflict.

Fabulous speech! She is such an amazing character... Reaching deep in the the soul, the heart of each listener, saying things with a huge internal energy but also with humor and great sincerity. Loved it, got pretty emotional at the end... THANK YOU Karen Faith!

Your speech was very powerful, genuine and full of heart. Thank you.

Everything she said resonated so deeply, I’m so grateful to her for this. Very beautiful and I cried at the end. I would love to have a conversation with her. The concept of unconditional welcome reminded me of a quote by the wonderful Ram Dass: “We’re all just walking each other home”

Wow! That’s one of the best Teds ever. Your definition of love X deserve… that’s what changed my mind one year ago, and them I started a true love relationship with my boyfriend!

What a wonderful practical application of egoless living. Amazingly put. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

The best, TEDTalk I’ve seen in a very long time!