Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? | Mark Shapiro, MD

Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? | Mark Shapiro, MD | TEDxSonomaCounty

Рет қаралды 55,453

Күн бұрын

Making friends as an adult is hard. At the same time, the benefits of friendships are multiple and powerful. In this compelling TEDx presentation, Dr. Mark Shapiro makes the case for pursuing new friendships and offers a step by step pathway to help you move forward in an authentic way.
Mark is a Hospitalist and Accredited Medical Practitioner at Providence Medical Group - Northern California. He’s also the creator and host of Explore The Space, a popular podcast that brings those who provide healthcare and those who seek healthcare closer together. His current work with the US Surgeon General addresses how to counteract the loneliness epidemic affecting our health and well-being through meaningful connections. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 103

@josuebarros5727 10 күн бұрын

Making friends is hard, keeping friends close is 4 times harder

@nithishrajk.b2547 10 күн бұрын

With the same note.. Maintaining childhood friends in adulthood is equally hard.

@user-yj3ob9kd3l 10 күн бұрын

A childhood friend recently went off on me in texts with personal insults and ended with--I don't want you as my friend. Just like that, 50 years cancelled. Made me wonder if marijuana use caused a psychotic event.

@maheshkulkarni319 10 күн бұрын

Yes u r right

@cippo007 10 күн бұрын

@@user-yj3ob9kd3lMade the Same observation with people taking drugs as cannabis

@EthanGrech 10 күн бұрын

Yep, I've seen it with cannabis use too.

@carpo719 6 күн бұрын

My buddy calls it watering the Friendship garden, sometimes we reconnect after a long time away but good friends never go away

@carpo719 6 күн бұрын

Making friends is easy, maintaining friendships is the difficult part. That's why we stick with those we've known for a long time because they can accept absences for a long time and then reconnection

@hermitonthelake 10 күн бұрын

Keeping friends as the years go by, is also very difficult. No matter how often you reach out to see how they are doing, they seem to just fade away...maybe it's me.

@user-yj3ob9kd3l 10 күн бұрын

I'm always the one to reach out. If I didn't, they would absolutely fade away. Good question--is it me??

@Robert9530 10 күн бұрын

@@user-yj3ob9kd3lIf you are the one that always reaches out, let them fade away.

@user-yj3ob9kd3l 10 күн бұрын

@Robert9530 each one of our friends is a tentacle of ourselves, and letting them fade away is cutting off a tentacle. That reduces the depth of our own being. Several have died, and I would always wonder.

@ufocool1 10 күн бұрын

@@user-yj3ob9kd3l its not like that ;) you dont have to cut your tentacle ... keep them to feed you

@user-yj3ob9kd3l 10 күн бұрын

@ufocool1 each friendship tentacle leads down a path of our own history. Losing a tentacle ends that piece of our own history. That's sad.

@naimulhasan802 10 күн бұрын

Making friend is easy But Maintaining Friendship is hard.

@wy9421 10 күн бұрын

The essence lies in the fact that relationships between adults are always based on transactions, and there is no place for relationships to germinate without selfishness, as innocent as in childhood.😑

@teschchr122 10 күн бұрын

I have attachment issues (abandoned at one month and then foster care) so I have extreme problems with making and keeping friends. I have one friend now and she is distant lately. The loneliness is crushing.

@garrettspeakeasy 10 күн бұрын

Multiple reasons. We are so busy, everyone is so fricken busy. Another is social media ironically has made us less social and way more unauthentic as well as making us lack vulnerability which has been the biggest point of recreating my social life in adulthood. Joined a mens group which has helped alot.

@szilvijuhasz 9 күн бұрын

For me the main problem is to find people who have similar values and interests.

@jagans6409 10 күн бұрын

expectations from old friends hurt ❤

@daledevernon56 10 күн бұрын

If there is no common ground between people making friends then is nearly impossible.

@KW-mz4pn 10 күн бұрын

I believe it’s the current society and culture in which we reside.

@ichigo5727 10 күн бұрын

Accurate

@Robert9530 10 күн бұрын

Yup 👍🏻

@sharinaross1865 10 күн бұрын

Yep.

@AL-lh2ht 10 күн бұрын

Of course this statement is so vague it becomes completely nonsense.

@sharminiserasinghe3293 9 күн бұрын

You can find plenty of fairweather 'friends' if you have money to spend on them. But the moment you fall ill or need their help, they simply disappear.

@mrsmucha 9 күн бұрын

Yep

@ajwalker4416 10 күн бұрын

I've had friendships start the text messaging route that have turned into meaningful relationships. All it takes is both people being willing to extend that hand and ask "Do you want to be my friend?" I've seen kids do this all the time.

@annieconway8998 10 күн бұрын

Moving around as we do nowadays also makes making new friends again and again becomes more like hard work

@TheSjsicilia 10 күн бұрын

In our culture we do not revere the older and the wiser...

@TJDST4 10 күн бұрын

That is not true.

@ThePleasantPixel 10 күн бұрын

loneliness has spiked after covid for understandable reasons

@Harthikreddyy 10 күн бұрын

21 and have zero friends

@razia6046 9 күн бұрын

There are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life. I only met the ones for a season 😞

@ayhansimsek8506 10 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing this video with us

@shubhasreedharan6966 7 күн бұрын

We need to be very careful. First you have to observe the traits of the person and make sure that the person is totally harmless. Never become friends with anyone who takes advantage of others.

@1DaTJo 9 күн бұрын

The most important friendship I will ever have is with myself. My friendships with others extends from there.

@alika207 10 күн бұрын

The same holds true with face-to-face connections as virtual connections! I believe it's important to exercise your skills in both types.

@brucetsai7732 11 минут бұрын

makes sense. but i just dont want to make friends on purpose. it is like i want to learn something when i really want to.

@bberdan6603 10 күн бұрын

Timely. Thank you

@stvinney 10 күн бұрын

Making friends is, surprisingly, not difficult at all for me But as an introvert, keeping them requires work and time. The latter I value very much. And there's where the problem lies I don't wanna wind up lonely but I need to have my alone time It's as critical for me as having friends and being able to go out is for others In this scenario the most important thing is to find someone that is great at planning but doesn't need you to sort of be oncall so much. Im a horrible planner when it comes to social/recreational things and yet my weekends are arguably more structured than my work days

@TheKathybarth 10 күн бұрын

Brilliant.

@glendaanderson4969 10 күн бұрын

As long as your new friend doesn't have an avoident attachment style 😂

@mrsmucha 9 күн бұрын

Or is a covert narcissist.

@sharlitagiles 8 күн бұрын

I work from home. Zero friends. Zero social life. I live pay check to pay check. So I have no money to go out.

@dantediedagain 5 күн бұрын

You can always find free events or even a simple walk through the city or a park 😃

@carlinehwrring5568 8 күн бұрын

I prefer to not have friends. My circle is super small. My husband and I have 9 grandchildren, 5 kids. Friends aren't important to us. It's safer to keep people away and determine what family is toxic baggage.

@plaurenzi83 8 күн бұрын

Great talk! It made me thing of a meme I saw the other day that said "When you are in your 20s, 15 people can show up to the door and you're always ready - When you are in your 30s, it take 2 months preparation to see a friend." Now I wonder how it goes as we get to our 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. ?

@LindaChapman-u2c 12 сағат бұрын

Roosters, other birds & animals are magnetically drawn to me, so I have hope that a real humanoid being remaining in SW Florida will be drawn to me someday also. So many people fell into doing favors for rich guys in my wealthy town that I wound up losing everybody I knew when I started waking up to criminal Operations around me. Thx for the pep talk for holding out hope of finding a trustworthy humanoid in Florida. I live with my loving but lonely middle aged sons now that I'm a homeless USVet, so I know kind humans exist out there. Thx.❤

@annleach7908 49 минут бұрын

Short answer: we overthink it

@Red_1976 4 күн бұрын

I think there is pressure with new friends and technology the way it is. Ppl expect you to respond to a text within a day, sometimes a few hours and if you forget to reply or just simply can’t it appears rude. I can never respond within 24hours, so I do at my own pace. Other people should do the same. I think we put pressure on eachother to reply just because we are all on mobile phones. Not everyone takes theirs out if they are working or want a day with family.

@germanharpyie9923 10 күн бұрын

This remembers me the words of Kenny Rogers "can't make old friends"

@glendoriaburris2586 10 күн бұрын

Thank u🤎

@sharinaross1865 10 күн бұрын

Loneliness

@celestialcircledance 3 күн бұрын

My social bubble consists of one LOL and time has to be a big part of the equation when there are so many demands placed on it !

@alyciamarrison2916 10 күн бұрын

I just went up to someone & just asked "do you wanna play?" But can you guess the responce!! :/

@sharinaross1865 10 күн бұрын

I don't want to know

@SMALLDANE 10 күн бұрын

Have they let you out of jail yet? 😂

@phillipsoulwin 10 күн бұрын

Can i be your friend 😅?

@mariaantoniettamontella9173 6 күн бұрын

grazie

@spazefalcon2794 9 күн бұрын

Missing Concept: people get crazy. Root Cause - is not here.

@jenethdsouza 10 күн бұрын

I am trying to say... Can you help me? 😂

@superbrawlcellstars5981 4 күн бұрын

Yall had friends when you were kids?

@ZakiRh-fm7vb 10 күн бұрын

Say ham dulah❤❤

@jenethdsouza 10 күн бұрын

I am trying to say... Can you help me? 😂

@ZakiRh-fm7vb 10 күн бұрын

@@jenethdsouza😂❤️🇩🇿

@jessicasimplicioreis3824 10 күн бұрын

Alguém assistindo??🦄🦄🦄

@panosdotnet 9 күн бұрын

People just want to be left alone. Then this video.

@pranavpatel29jan 10 күн бұрын

How 😮 taking western countries example where kids are being taught to do not talk with strangers , which they carry through their life and not accepting stranger and complaining about isolated and blah blah of loneliness.. atmosphere is so strict where u have a fear of talking or connecting strangers😮..it's all about culture and society..

@Mkbshg8 9 күн бұрын

Can't speak for other countries but in UK if you aren't into drinking or football forget it.

@Yakoba317 9 күн бұрын

❤❤

@jagans6409 10 күн бұрын

summary please? ❤

@mowgli2071 10 күн бұрын

You need a summary for an ELEVEN MINUTE video?

@adaltunga3237 9 күн бұрын

@@mowgli2071why not?

@EricCampbellUAV 4 күн бұрын

jedi mind trick

@fmargaret2825 9 күн бұрын

It isn't if you have candy...and a van... sorry. Forgot the van part.

@doc693 10 күн бұрын

Wow you look older than me I’m 55. And I’ve had a rough life. I even lived on the streets of Houston when I was 14-16. Not a bit of grey hair yet. Go figure

@AbidMarwat-wb4wc 10 күн бұрын

Why making friends is so hard give me reason ?

@trent5641 10 күн бұрын

Life, thats why. How close minded are you? Lol

@ufocool1 10 күн бұрын

cose you have none

@SMALLDANE 10 күн бұрын

Hey you two! Be nice. Don't prove the point this way.

@fubytv731 8 күн бұрын

He sounds like he keeps spitting.

@doriezitro8556 10 күн бұрын

How To Win Friends And Influence People

@unpopuIaropinion 10 күн бұрын

does that work ?

@ghost3990 10 күн бұрын

📩🏎️🏎️

@JennyChengSvicS 10 күн бұрын

This is what I think: We are living in a world with many distractions. No one cares about others anymore. Relationships are replaceable. Connection is nothing but a tool as you put on your mask at work/school or even at home if you're living with unpleasant people. As it is fake to you, it drains you, and you end up not looking into 'real friendship' anymore. Also, networking is wrongly defined by educators as it only sprouts from material benefits, which is absurdly unsettling.

@Scrumptious-b2q 10 күн бұрын

Yada yada yada.Tks🇨🇦

@lovelydarlinghari 10 күн бұрын

Ask if you can give a job to common people like me To your channel

@MiketheYoungster 10 күн бұрын

Some people are too lazy to make friends

@ranjith9656 10 күн бұрын

😂i feel targeted

@user-zl4rr1ic7w 3 сағат бұрын

@@ranjith9656 me too!

@HertzMiao 5 күн бұрын

Llegué a 200k hoy. Estoy realmente agradecido por todo el conocimiento y las pepitas que me habéis brindado durante los últimos meses. Comenzó con 14k en junio de 2022, gracias Sra. Stacey Meredith

@ghost3990 10 күн бұрын

💀🤮🤮💀