This. This is the thing people don’t talk about because we know we’ll just be told “be patient”. But it’s actually really hard waiting for changes, especially in the first month. You’re entitled to your feelings dude - it’s a hard time.

I’m so glad you’re sharing this! Not enough people talk about the absolute shitty parts of hormone therapy. It’s very difficult. It’s frustrating, scary, you feel impatient, angry, etc. I experienced all of that and felt like I was going so crazy sometimes. Of course it’s worth it, at least for me, but it was a very hard road. You body is changing very rapidly (even though it doesn’t seem to be sometimes) and you’re also dealing with the social aspects of changing your physical appearance which can be stressful. My emotions definitely changed a lot as well. The way I thought and the way I reacted about things changed and I had to get used to it and learn new healthy ways to deal with my emotions. Good luck Harrison. It does get better, but when I think about that first year on T, I would never want to relive it lol. It was crazy. But try to enjoy it and realize that every time you get another injection, you’re choosing to be yourself 100% no matter what. It’s brave and it’s difficult but we do it anyway so that we can live our life to the fullest. It’s not fair and I still say why me sometimes too. You got this!

I've been through male puberty as well, and it's a long process. In 7th grade, your voice may sound like a 12 year old boy, then you come back after summer, and you don't notice in class that it's deeper, but it cracks a lot. All the kids laugh, and you are embarrassed, but theirs are cracking and unpredictable too. You compare yourself, "Am I getting as much leg hair as my friends, why do they have a dirt stache, and I don't?" Puberty is a hard time when you're 12, but you do have a great advantage of going through it with an adult mind and adult emotions. It's harder for you because you are already "late"with it, and no one else you know is going through it. But transport yourself back in your mind, think of yourself being 12 again, and enjoy it because this is what you SHOULD HAVE experienced when you were 12. Cherish this time that you should have had when you were 12. You will go through the process faster than natal boys do, so you will catch up fast. Every day, your body is working, silently, inexorably, to create the man you are, and will be. These first months will pass quickly, and you can look back on your awkward moments of puberty the way all men do. Go to your sister's wedding confident and proud! I am glad hockey will always be a part of your life ("Hockey is life, the rest is details," says my T shirt). You'll make a great coach (WNHL?). Are you allowed to play in a top level men's amateur league because you've been a pro? In my town, those guys have been college or junior or hs players.

That's a really great observation -- the first six months can be tough because you may not see/feel changes. But they are there, and they are subtle, and they ARE happening. There are so many myths about what T does and doesn't do -- but there is definitely a vulnerability that accompanies it -- it's like your skin is thinner, like there's less barrier between you and the world. Emotions can feel much bigger, much closer. At least that's how some of it has been for me. And yes, it feels slow, it's like you are watching paint dry. I also found that as I saw myself starting to change and others didn't, I felt like an uncomfortable-- sometimes unbearable "tween." Therapy and KZfaq and my trans friends got me through. And I have documented every week to two weeks for the last year and a half. When I look back now at my first videos, I see a very different person. And that's as much about the inside as the outside. And for all the unfairness of not being male, we were gifted to have a broader perspective, to have lived across gender. I'm 52 and started my transition at 50. I'm grateful everyday. Hang in there. This has been one of your best videos. Looking forward to you digest as you go videos. We need more of them.

Nobody talks about how dysphoria can get so much worse in the early days on testosterone! I’m just about 3 months on T, and honestly, I noticed absolutely nothing until past the 2 month mark. Nobody warns you how depressing and hard it is waiting for those changes, so well done for sharing this. Just try to remember that everything is temporary, and every day is a step closer to being who you want to be. In a couple months time, you’ll start to see those changes, and it’ll be so worth the wait!

Oh man, I feel you so hard on this. Being on T these first few months has been much harder for me than waiting to get on T. Changes have seemed so slow, and basically no one has noticed that I look or sound any different, to the point where I’m 3 months on T and I haven’t come out at work yet because I don’t need to? It’s made me feel so frustrated and depressed. It gets me down because like you said, YOU know there’s testosterone running through your body so you feel like other people should be able to see it, but they can’t and it’s just ugh :( Just know you’re not alone in feeling this, these first months can really be brutal and depressing and discouraging, but just hang on a little longer and it will all be worth it in the end, changes WILL come and people will begin to see you as the man you are

Don’t worry! The first month or two the changes are going on internally and then it’s like a switch flips and everything starts to change externally too. For me, I felt that same and then all of a sudden by month three it was like boom voice drop, no period, increased hair growth. What helps me is to look back on old photos to see how much as really changed. Even now as I am close to two years in T, I feel like there are things that aren’t good enough and then I look back through my monthly photos and I see how far I’ve come. Look back now and see how far you’ve come even just in your transition so far!

Often we don't talk about the hard parts of HRT. So many people talk about how "I took this and I felt better instantly" but they kind of skip over the hard parts. Or the crash that happens after the initial high of starting wears off. It's hard and it's long. Patience is one of those things we have to learn. Your feelings are totally valid on this. And I absolutely wish more people would discuss the hard parts like you're discussing here. I've tried doing it and often get shut down when talking about it with other trans people. Why? Because it's hard and painful. People don't like talking about things that are hard and painful. I've been on HRT for almost two years (MTF) and I can say that I can still identify with some of the things you mention here. That's not to scare you, of course, but to validate and say that this is a process. You might cross over bridges that you've seen several times before, but those past experiences with them can help you when you do. Remember that what you see and hear will be different than what people around you will see and hear. Keep on fighting to be yourself. It's a hard and long battle, but it is so worth it.

See the face looking at you? I've been on T 6+ months, buddy...we all change at different speeds! And YES, there are bad days or weeks. Trust the process! It gets there...I'm now sprouting facial hair! Yay! You've got this. Once you quit looking, you'll notice changes, sometimes overnight! And it's never too late....I started at 50! 😉

broo this is literally how i feel right now it’s my first week on T and a lot of points you’re hitting is spot on with me it’s crazy this was a great video

Also, every day you get closer to being who you are! I'm still pre-t, and what I do to help me stay patient is before I go to sleep I tell myself that I'm 1 day closer. I do it in increments. 1 day closer to the next appointment. Ya know? Try making goals to tell yourself that you're 1 day closer to a goal you're excited to reach. But it's hard. Thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤️

It's very small consolation, but I can actually hear a bit of a change in your voice! It sounds like the lower end of your range is starting to crack a bit. =) Thanks for always sharing your honest thoughts with us, Harrison!

Dude, it is tough! Having waited, the anticipation, and then when you finally get on T you want results NOW. Sounds like you have a good plan for processing through all the ups and downs of transition. I am happy for you! I'll look forward to more vids.

Hi Harrison, the best thing that worked for me at the onset was to live life normally as possible, and not concentrate on change. It could be sad at first in that you are going to change and not be the person you were, both physically and mentally. True about emotions, and not crying so much, but that can take a few months. Remember the shots are tiny, and incremental in how they work. Be patient.

Keep in mind, too, that you’re going to have an emotional response to a hormone change, and that this is like going through puberty again. I really appreciate you being honest about how it sucks and “Why, me,” but also being realistic about how everyone has their own crap, and also had their own admirable traits that they might now even appreciate.You got this dude, chip up!

I am going through these EXACT feelings right now at 4 months on T. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve felt so guilty about feeling this way, because deep down I know that T is a privilege.

Thanks for sharing dude! I love your videos. Keep in mind that most people don't change until like 2 months, but I get it it's really hard. But you got this:) ❤️

I wrote published a short book (Saving My Life) instead of doing KZfaq videos. It's my journal all about my first year on T. The wait/struggle is real. Hang in there! Much Love!

you will get there. i am a year in and i still feel like not much has changed but then i finally go back and see a lot has changed. I'm sorry you're so down

Hey dude I'm so glad you're on T now! I also struggle with the wanting to fast forward to the more obvious changes that T will give me. Being visibly AFAB in public is exhausting and upsetting. You're doing great and I hope you go easy on yourself bud.

Hey Harrison, I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling. I agree that it is vital that people talk about this, and I try to do my part whenever starting T comes up in a conversation. Starting T has the potential to be extremely, extremely underwhelming, and is to some degree for most people. Making people aware of that is 90% of the way to making sure they don't have to feel this way when they start T. Personally, I find it important to have realistic but pretty low expectations (both of the rate of changes, and that total of changes T is going to bring me). That way, every change I do get is the positive surprise that it should be without being overshadowed by negative thoughts of it having taken so long. It is just such a shame for a shadow being cast on the otherwise exciting experience of starting T, especially since it is so unnecessary. Anyway, keep up the good work, Harrison. You are getting there.

It may take a little while to see changes and we all seem to change at different rates. My voice didn't change until 8 months on testosterone, but then I didn't start t until I was 55. Everyday I see very small changes, but in the beginning I didn't see hardly anything at all until about 4 months into it. Don't worry, you'll get there. BTW I found that being on T actually made me feel calmer and better, but everyone is different.

thank you so much for this video. i'm on my second shot now and i've been experiencing everything you've talked about. this video was so reassuring

Time goes so fast man, just hang in there and you’ll be where you want to be before you know it!

for the first few months i thought it wasn’t working and that for some reason the t was being injected in the wrong spot or that i needed a higher dose but after a few more months i was finally able to look in the mirror and physically see the changes it’s hard to be patient but i find the more you sit and wait everyday for something to change the longer it takes so try and distract yourself everyday and eventually you’ll be able to see just how fast you’re changing. trust me man. i’m excited to follow you on your journey i just hit one year in april!

Hey Harrison! Oh boy you are so on point with this video (I'm 2.5 months onT). It's slooooooow and like you have been through the ratty/tearful , impatient and "tougher on T than not" gamut of experience and resentment with a dash of depression. Also felt incredibly fatigued initially but that's shifting. Hang in there. As self-made men it's a process and thankyou for the honesty and reality check. We need normalised experience to be posted. Or often guys don't talk about it ..perhaps because T is is supposed to a elixir or panacea that heals all. I think it's often more of a double edged sword at our stage😶

Hey man! Just wanted to say that I felt the same way when I started t. I also had increased chest dysphoria my first couple weeks of starting hormones. But now I’m coming up to my 3 months and people keep telling me that I look/sound different! It’s honestly just a waiting game. Hang in there dude! ❤️

I'm feeling the exact same way right now - I'm about 2.5 months on T, and I just feel as though it's really hard right now. I see these tiny changes, but I am misgendered 99.9% of the time and feel as though nothing significant is happening. It's scary, but I just keep reminding myself that changes are happening. We're going to get there.

Wow you hella described how I feel right now. Minus the crying.. frustration and being impatient.

I completely AGREE WITH YOU, I didn’t see any changes until the 2nd month, I thought I was doing my shots wrong but it was just me being impatient because, like you mentioned, I would see another guy’s transition in a 10 min video. But stay strong, the changes will come ! We have to be thankful for the opportunity because there are many guys that aren’t able to be at where we are at!

im so glad that you talked about this im not on t yet but i feel like this just waiting in general for everything is rough and just a roller coaster of emotions and heart like okay happen NOW! change happen now! its very hard to be patient so im not gonna sit here and say be patient because i myself are like "hurry up go faster please i wanna get there! i wanna be on t now! lol but, no worry dude its gonna happen im glad you can talk about this though since you rately see people making videos on it. 😊

Hey bro, i remember feeling the same way. I started on 0.2 of the adult dosage and didn't notice any really changes until honestly 2 months on T. I was frustrated that i couldn't just be on the adult dosage and in the end even though it took me around a year to get to the adult dose it was worth it as i transition at like the natural cis rate. So i get ya feeling, just stick in there the months will fly by don't you worry.

Had to come back to watch this one because this is EXACTLY how I feel right now and have to remind myself it’s only been about 3 weeks

I've been on Testosterone cypionate for 5 weeks now, I see you as myself, there are changes that to me I dont see as well, it's tough, but I'm told it will get better, be safe brother, you have this and we all can do it, Good luck

Holy shit , literally identical to exactly what i am currently feeling . its actually very relieving to know you do too.

keep it up dude , its a hard slow process and you need patience , one of my friends is going through the same thing , the anger is a natural process and you need to consolidate it and deal with it , the way you think on things changes too ..

I'm honestly glad that I'm not alone in this. I started taking testosterone about 7 months ago, and I haven't had any changes. And it's terrible, and horrifying. I was at work today, and people just kept calling me a girl. So, you're not alone with this.

My dose was too low for the first almost three months on T and I saw next to no changes and it pissed me off. It wasn’t until I got upped (I used to be .25 bi weekly but was switched to .5 every week) that I finally saw changes. I’m five months and 12 days on T and just now seeing changes. Just hang in there! You got this! Everything you said and been going through was me at the start. Just hang in there!

No worries man. You are going to see results it's all different for everyone. I took photos as often as I could and recorded my voice as often as I could. Also about the crying, I used to cry all the time. Too happy or sad I would cry. I am a year and 3 months on t and the only time I cry now is before my shot. And it's rare. And it's only a tear or my eye water up but no tears. I think you are doing awesome and are helping alot of people. Try not to overthink things so much. Just enjoy the journey as it goes. Because we only life once. My changes are very slow as well. About a month in I knew I looked a but different and my voice didn't start cracking till week 3. I am just now getting jaw line hair. Body hair on the other hand ex. Belly, leg hair happened fast and is still getting thicker. All in all. You are awesome. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts though. Have a good day. Peace

Changes will come with the blink of an eye! I'd say just keep imagining it in your body, and think of yourself getting stronger or something like that xD because for sure things are happening. But yeah, I am not on T yet, but I'd try these kind of mind tricks in your position :D Anyway, excited for you!

Also, it is worth noting that the emotional 'changes' early on T (for the first few weeks, at least) could very well be due to hormone fluctuations in general. Your body is still producing a lot of oestrogen and for a while your hormones will be out of whack. Until they settle people can be prone to all sorts of moods that do not necessarily last when they are on T longer

When I first started t I had very large and irrational outbursts with my mood, it’s sucked because I felt out of control and I hated that but you learn to adapt to it and control it more as time goes on

I feel dude. I'm only about a month in and I totally understand

I know this video is old but I relate to this so hard right now. you pretty much voiced all my thoughts :( I'm about 8 weeks on T. recently I looked at some photos of myself and just wanted to cry. all I can see and hear is a girl... its heartbreaking. now that you're about a year or two on T, would you say that feeling has gone away? or at least, easier to deal with? I hope it does.

Here I am almost 4 years on testosterone and my voice didn't change. I must be the only person this happens to because even my doctor doesn't get it. I do sort of have facial hair (peach fuss) and hair grows everywhere where I do not want it. I'm so depressed about it and I cannot find anyone in the communitiy that relates to it. Sometimes I just....Yeah..

Just saw this video in my recommendation and I completely feel this I just started a week ago and I'm so impatient and i feel more self conscience than ever but i just keep looking forward but hey you're over a year on t now!

I'm 5 months and I've had almost no changes except bottom growth, I don't pass wathever I do and like my voice is still exactly the same so I feel ya.

Good luck!

I hope you see this video after 6-8 months and laughed at yourself , keep going bro.

Hey man I felt the same way when I started T I started on .25 then 3 months I went up to .4 and that’s considered a low dose I swear I didn’t see changed until like 7 months it takes time but it’s okay just hang in there.

Thank you for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. Does the doctor recommend any counseling while going through your transition? There could be emotional highs and lows, as with any major life change. I just want you to be OK.

I felt the same way until I started doing self injections. After that, the weeks just flew by.

im almost 2 years on and i look the same except for hair growth (which sucks) and TOM. I wish i could look back and laugh at how impatient i am but i dont think it will ever happen. when i started T for the second time there was no excitement, no relief and no part of the process which i was excited to start years ago, makes me feel happy, whether successful or not. im still waiting to start life and feel confident and go out with people. i still just hide and hate myself. followed all the rules and nothing and its like theres nothing else i can do so its a hopeless feeling.

You look like a handsome young man, be patient you will get there...Try doing things that keep your mind occupied so that you are not as focused on each moment ...Maybe volunteer some time at a seniors home or at an art school etc, just to keep yourself busy...I think it would help you to focus on others in need...Big hugs!

Also btw I haven’t been able to cry since starting t! I have to find other ways to get my emotions out haha

Been on T a year and haven't changed much besides body hair. My voice dropped a bit and stayed there 3 months on T. I'm exhausted

Geez dude, you're worried about not seeing any changes after 2 weeks! I agree it's disappointing and frustrating, but, worry when you have been on T for 2 years and not working! I have had very few changes and I have been on T for 4 years this coming April. Had various tests with endocrinology clinic and it turns out I have a genetic resistance to T. 😪 No body fat redistribution, to muscle growth, no extra strength, no facial or body hair growth and no T-dick growth..! My voice dropped slightly, leaving me with half & half voice, but that was it. Now I'm left just looking like a very masculine female, it's devastating. ☹🥺 As disappointing as you're finding it, remember, there are others worse off. Give yourself time. Good on you for taking the leap of faith to start your journey. All the best 👍

You definitely hit a wall after about a month with no changes. It’s agony, you just have to keep pushing... I hate it. 2 months in.

I've been on t for a month now and I have literally no changes. I'm a bit more irritated easier and have a bit more energy but that's it. My doctor said that you're gonna be really angry for the first six months or so. I haven't even had bottom growth or increased libido or anything and I'm already a month. I haven't stopped my cycle or anything, and I just finished my week and it hurt like heck, it hurt way worse than any other cycle I've had and I thought I was gonna die. I really just want to skip to three or four months already I feel so stressed and I just want my voice to drop and my libido to increase, I have literally had to accept that I am asexual and it's kinda hard. My mom and doctors say everyone is different but I don't really don't know. I have to do my shots in my left leg cause my arms don't have enough fat (I'm really skinny/underweight) and when I tried doing my last shot in my right leg it really hurt and my mom said she had trouble getting the needle in (she does it cause I'm scared of needles) and my leg is bruised and it looks weird and it's been six days so I really don't know.

I guess you've waited so long for that first shot day to come, that when it does your mental health and expectations catch up with you. I feel like your mood changes are more to do with your mental health than hormones, then again if you're in the process of starting puberty 2.0 hormone imbalance and emotional instability is bound to happen. Just think of the changes you'll see in another 2 weeks, then 2 weeks after that... you'll get there and it will be worth it.

Same. Six months and nothing.

Me, currently two days on t

i’ve been on testosterone for 10 months and i don’t have a single change not one how am i supposed to be patient when all these other trans guys have results within weeks and i have nothing almost a year in this doesn’t feel fair i’m starting to think i’m broken

I understand bud, I’ve been on T for almost 4 months and no noticeable changes. I still get misgendered, especially at my workplace

Hey! Repeat after me. "Next 5 years will be better for me."