I'm working on myself. I am going to be okay. I am going to start exercising and eating rite. I just got a new home and it's beautiful and a new position at work. I Am blessed and I need to be happy alone

I went thru this with my ex husband 10 years ago. After he "chose" the other women, he left our 12 year marriage. We divorced. She dumped him 24 months later. I'm now remarried to a wonderful man who will never do to me what my ex did.

Here's the solution: cheaters - nut up and be honest with your partner about what you want. Give them the respect of honesty, even if it means the relationship will be over. Your partner has a say too. Stop selfishly using other people to meet your unmet needs. You're not 2 years old. Act like an adult. Cheating is a form of cowardice on every level, emotionally and physically. If you're cheating, you're hurting people.

This totally describes my ex wife’s addiction to affairs. I ended our 20 year marriage 13 years ago and I’ve never been happier. I got full custody of my 3 kids. She on the other hand is lost, in ill health, and totally alone. I do pity her and pray for her recovery but what goes around comes around.

What starts in chaos, ends in chaos

100% True, this is a betrayal traumatic experience. Destroying your marriage will cause much pain and damage to your family, relatives, friends and society. Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. Your emotions can fool you and make your life miserable that you will regret it for the rest of your life.

It wasn't all of sudden, it was subtle. What ended up as flood, started off as a puddle.

If the marriage was gratifying, why would an affair even be tempting?

My husband carried a torch for a previous affair partner for 30yrs texting and occasional visits . We are now in our 8o's and feel I have been living a lie.

Stage 1. A friendship stage Making compromises You start making little changes on yourself in line with the affair. Stage 2. Begin to boldly crossing lines Secrets life starts to develop The affair person becomes a major person in your life and have great influence on your life You stop worrying about someone finding about you, but worry about loosing ur affair partner Stage 3. Intimacy stage You have an increase sense of insecurity, panic and loss The idea of cutting the affair off is terrifying. Ending stage of the affair and possibility of saving your marriage Stage 4. Recovery of marriages. 10% of affairs end up in marriage, 75-80% of those affairs end in devorce.

This Video deserves way more views than that

Let the person who had an affair go. Let them do this to their lover.

You NAILED this. This was exactly my experience stage by stage.

Your Presentation was spot on. Exactly how it works. At some point people knew that they are playing with fire, but it is to late. They leave a trail of devastation behind. You will die with the emosional damage inside you. It fades but never go away.

I really do believe it's an addiction. When I first got into this mess, I was on my way to divorcing my husband. But it was the lover who really helped me go all the way with the divorce. Even though I knew divorce was the right thing to do, I still believe my ex-husband is a better person than the lover and to this day am still indecisive about it. Anyways, the lover was suppose to just be a distraction to help me get through the divorce. This lover has commitment phobia, has a lot of red flags, and I already have a bad past with him. I was hoping he was going to continue being like that so that I wouldn't take him serious. However, he was acting the complete opposite. Started selling me an illusion and even behaved in a way that won my trust. Now he is distancing, pulling away and my ego is bruised. I believe this is more about my ego because throughout the whole time I kept telling myself that I can't be serious about this person. But my heart has developed an unhealthy attachment.

My wife looked 100% miserable during the 3 years that she was cheating on me, and wow around the house her temper was out of control. It was like she was possessed by demons.

All love is like addiction. Affairs are not unique in that way. Most love begins with limerance.

Good advice for everyone involved. Trust is everything and you do need to grieve. Trust has to be earned back and its hard.

That's the second time I've heard that 10% of affairs end with the partners staying together statistic.

Everything she said is so accurate. I've passed all the stages and now I'm recovering. I did things wrong due to lack of communication in my relationship. All I can say is having an affair is awful. I lost my peace, my sleep, and concentration in my work and studies. If you feel worthless and your partner is not treating you well, try to have a conversation and be honest about the situation you are in. It will improve your relationship 100% if your partner really cares and loves you, otherwise, if they don't give you ears, it will be time to step out and think about your life without that person. Listening is fundamental to a strong and life long relationship.

This happened, still happening to me. EVERYTHING she said is how it happen. Her coworker, referred to as “friend”, 23yrs her junior, he lives with his girlfriend & her mother, refuses to end it. I’m leaving

The best explanation I ever heard ; direct to the point and worth hearing . If only people will listen to what she says I'm certain a lot of marriages will be saved from being shattered !

The best thing to do isn’t to quit drugs but not to start them in the first place. Being the partner of a cheating spouse must be the worst. You suffer through all the worst parts of the marriage while the affair partners enjoys all the fun and intimacy. You have your heart and trust broken and then you spend enough more time rebuilding this broken marriage. I say forget it and move on.

Communication Matters a lot in a relationship Trust is the most important

Wow... She really broke it down.

22 years of marriage and then my wife had 2 simultaneous affairs over 4-6 months and both are over to the best of my knowledge and I’m still here loving and forgiving her by the grace of God…for my children

Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!

The emotional pain of cheating is unbearable for all involved including the cheaters who think they are in heaven then wake up to find a hellish twilight zone..I don’t know how the cheating spouse can look their children in the eye knowing what they are doing..its disgusting..I pray for anyone who has lived this pain as I have..God bless you all🙏

This is so very true. Thank you for explaining what the aftermath of stage 3, 4 and the impact it causes. The betrayal of trust from the cheating spouse/GF/BF's partner will never gain that trust they once had. And it'll never be the same. Everything they do. They will be questioned. So be prepare to answer those aftermath. Once you cross that invisible line and into the cheating stage. You will lose what you once had. Like the flow of river. It never flows backward. So better think about it. Being cheated on varies from person to person. And how they coupe up to you.

Staying together is not sn indication that the marriage can be saved. While it may be true that a majority of folks stay, studies show that a small percentage of these marriages are ever truly happy ones. Therefore, I think the best route is to divorce. Most betrayed spouses never really get passed this. The betrayal is always in their consciousness. I have found this to be true among the many betrayed spouse I have talked to.

They are in stage 1 and i already caught them! Instant friendship and unaware closeness!

My uncle was a chronic cheater and for him, he ended up leaving my aunt and marrying his mistress. The marriage lasted until his passing so for him, it was "okay". My other uncle had a mistress that he brought to the US when he, his wife and kids moved here. She always lived near his family and he even had children with her, my aunt babysat them so she could work. He had 2 homes built next to each other so it was easy for him. Granted this is an extreme situation, his wife didn't care, she said she was over having sex and didn't like to socialize or travel so he took his mistress. My aunts sister came to live with them here in the US and he slept with her too. I had two affairs in two of my marriages, it was toward the end of the marriages when I had checked out emotionally already. It is exhausting to have an affair, I even got a second cell phone so I could communicate with him. They both ended pretty quickly, I think they were more the push I needed to end the marriages. My co worker and I were starting to have what you call an emotional affair. We never exchanged numbers but used to meet for 15 or 20 min after work when he would run errands and we would talk. We decided to cool it but still chat at work and seem to find reasons to run into each other in the break room or at the coffee station. He is a nice man and I have worked with both his adult children so that was partly why we felt like we needed to chill. We all need to be honest when it comes to our marriages and if we are truly not happy or have fallen out of love then we need to respect our partners enough to end it the right way instead of hurting them even more. I was 30 years younger when the affairs happened and my partners never knew about them but it could have hurt them worse than they already were hurting and maybe even cause issues for them with trust

True addiction feel good chemicals no other man made feel me this way🥰👍

This is so much what has happened so far with my partner, we are broken up now, but his AP is married and won't leave her husband, I left him, I won't be a second choice, but I know how deeply lost he is. We have a child together and if he ever comes out of it, and does the work, I would still try to heal us I think, but right now I just have to love myself and be here as a friend when he is willing to open up.

I'm about to have one because my partner has done it for years, and I recently found out. I am confused, don't trust him anymore, and I feel like an idiot. I met someone. Nothing has happened. We just talk, have a laugh, but haven't gone the extra mile. He is so handsome, single. I like him and I think of him a lot.

I have 100% been addicted to my affair partner. Smh I'm 4 weeks no contact and I know that I am in recovery and if I allow it I could let him in again.

I dated this man for 8 years, cohabited with him & thought of him as my life partner , he messed up & i left to get married to anoda man , we v bin married for 12 years, but recently got separated & about to divorce. My ex boyfriend got married , now he is pursuing me.my husband never celebrated me , he d long asked 4 a divorce in 2011 & i feel v never been happy & l b happy with my ex.

Wow this is absolutely true. I am going through this very drama with my husband and he thinks less about me. I don't exist in his EYES I just don't care jack about him too One Day he will FINALLY realize what he did was wrong but it will be too late for him I am not at all worried cause I can find a replacement in a blink of an eye Amen

I listen to many relationship gurus and all the back and forth that the married person is engaging in,is like a thief. As soon as u find out,show them the door. The need to deal with themselves and give u a chance to move forward.

Excellent video...m subscribing ...it open my eyes

You are the best very accurate. It’s Nice to hear from a professional 👍👍👍

When ur advising, I feel like my mother is like you.. Thank u so much for every word during this session .. ❤️

This is almost exactly what happened to my soon to be ex-wife she's in stage 4. Good luck with those odds!

Thank you so much for this incredible video. Your delivery and presentation was most helpful!

Thanks for the nice explanation..

Heartbreaking

Excellent video. And you have gorgeous skin!

Great video, great advice!

My father had affair and in the end he married his lover and still stayed true in that marriage. Guess that's rare.

Mine was as close as to what you said its uncanny. Mine was a narc though. Pure hell of 9 years. I walked away with my kids. Still scarred 20 + years later.

According to a 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers, about 24% of marriages that have been affected by infidelity continue together. However, some studies say that only 5-7% of couples who have an affair end up getting married, and that over 75% of those marriages end in divorce within five years. So one or two percent of affairs result in long term marriages of the affair partners. So is it worth it to destroy your marriage, your family and yourself for this??? Shows you that APs are operating on emotions and emotions will let you down. But they dont think about this. The bottom line is they dont think. Period

Excellent video describes exactly how my wife behaved while she was cheating. When the relationship with her lover was not going well she would start giving me lots of sex but soon we would start fighting & she would run back to the lover. It went back & forth like that for 3 years until I found out she was cheating. I quietly moved out hoping the other man would take my place & start paying the bills but no such luck he ran away at the thought of having her 24/7/365.

It goes thru phases to the married men going out with a single middle age woman - it will be fun then high and high then lowest to the low then it get toxic and your like why is she pressuring me or why is she giving me ultimatums also the guilt trip is there something about conscientious neuro mind. Then you just jet out if you still have the logic since you start questioning will this work if I leave my first? Will it work on the second time? What if not? I will loose a lot especially on the system- my house, half or all of my bank accounts, my investments and my lifestyle hobbies. So I chose my hobbies - since I still have my freedom and I can do whatever I want and not worry about the new woman who is already “controlling” though there was connection but - quirks came up and red flags started showing so I decided to just keep it light and be friends in a way. It’s good to practice meditation since it did help a lot - we are humans and we make mistakes just remember on any outcomes good or bad we cannot impose or manipulate a person on what we want them to do. It’s better to practice Buddhism and learning to accept yourself and attach to nothing even in relationship, marriage or affairs since we humans have monkey mind feelings. 🍌 just be kind because love hurts, life is a journey and a process of learning things. 🫰 Meditation and the Bible gave me real peace like a powerful light on a chaotic mind.

Cheaters are also liars. Period. Until it has been repented no one can safe you except yourself. Cheaters will always find another cheater to cheat. What more to say?

They get sloppy and leave trials behind. They don't care that people are noticing that they are together.

I would prefer that my marriage be saved. Even though we are legally divorced, we are still culturally married and my husband is still invested. However, I can't be married because of what he did. That's why I divorced him in the first place. I was just afraid of being alone from divorce and then alone from the affair.

I dont belive the numbers of relationships that survive affairs.....I think they are way lower. I think the therapist here sees only the couples whitch want to try it. And i am sure many just break up and see no reason to try to reconsiliate.

Very enlightening.very reliable.

The information in this video is terrifying

I found out my husband had a 2 year affair and he denies all of it

Nicely done.

And don't forget, cheating isn't a mistake , it's a concious choice your partner has made.

It's great that you can share this

You look stunning. Your voice reminds me of another youtuber... shes grey haired... Ty for this video.

Do they really come to senses?! Ever ?!! Does that happen to most ?!!

Once a cheat always a cheat

I never would agree with the idea that someone would have influence on me because we developed some physical chemistry as a pattern. My soulmate is my higher self ONLY.

Mine was stalking, harassment, blackmail and rape. It happened several times and he almost killed me. My husband just found out a couple of months ago. It's post 2 year's now. Stage one for my marriage and family. It's killing us all!! I don't know how to help my husband or myself? Changing ones thinking and complete lifestyle change is sooo scary.. This is the first time I have ever made a comment on this issue.. I have to let go and let GOD!!!

Y'all what does she do for her skin? It's gorgeous!

Help! I'm realizing that I'm in the beginning of stage 2 with a man that i have considered a dear friend of mine for over a decade. It started when the four of us (me and my husband, him and his wife) went out for drinks and when the two of us had a moment alone, it slipped out on both sides that there was a mutual attraction. Ever since then, we've been toying with ideas and fantasies. Nothing physical, but i don't want this to go on. I just want my old friendship back.....i never wanted THIS!! I hate how i feel about myself, him, the thought of hurting our spouses. But its like every time we even talk the temptation just overwhelms both of us. I hate this!

You ARE SPOT ON. the high and the worry cortisol overload... Omg why do affairs end??I was caught and still with him, the lover. And i was going through withdrawals when the honeymoon phase ended. We live separately. Argue alot. But I truly care for him. Can this work??? Btw, you look stunning!!!!

Hello Mary, I wanted to ask why do affair partners have to be a fantasy? What are the reasons why it doesn't work out? What tricks are at play? Can you make a video on this topic please? I'm sure it will receive loads of views and comments.

Affairs last forever. They never end. The effects go on and on whether you are in the marriage or divorced. This affair partner has robbed happiness from the marriage . Forever!

I just sent this to my wife. We've been married for 30 years, I recently found out she's been having an affair for the past 3yrs.

Its scary what she says and this happens an incredible amount every day. The moral of the story is morals. And when you dont have any or have a limited amount this is what can happen. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself that question.

Holy fuck. This is exactly what my wife did the me.

Here is my story: I was in a great marriage until I found out that my husband had molested our daughter. Obviously, I couldn’t stay in the marriage but emotional I was still attached to him. That’s when an old flame appeared in my life again and I thought what the heck. I was in a really bad place. I started seeing the old flame while going through the divorce. But at the same time still feeling attached to the ex. What the ex did is disgusting and unforgivable but at the same time, he was such a great father and helpful to our other children. It just so happens that this occurred in 2021 when I was having all sorts of financial difficulties. It’s not like I could afford to move the kids out or even stay in our current home.

Is it possible for a person to be in stage 3 for 6/7 or for more years?. I know a couple, both of whom are married but are cheating on their partners for 8 to 10 years by now and are still enjoying being in stage 3.

Caught my ex husband cheating with a younger coworker right after we had our baby. He left to be with her and she ended up cheating on him. Our kids want nothing to do with him, and when he was with her he wanted nothing to do with them because they didn't accept her.

Thanks

What a video I have seen..explained sent percent facts..

Mary Jo would you ever say show this to a soon to be ex? I've tried to work on myself and learned so much. But my wife had an emotional affair and asked for divorce. It became physical and her lover broke it off and wont talk to her. She is addicted still 7 months later. I was not a good husband for a long time. But I have shown as much love and understanding as I could.

Excellent video, but you talk to the unfaithful and mention "cologne" and "wife" as if the unfaithful person is automatically a man cheating on a wife

Men, Never get married!

My husband had a emotional affair. He got caught. Now he wants to start over and wants me to forget what he did. Still not honest with me and doesn't want to talk about it.if he wouldn't have gotten caught he would still be in that affair. Why didn't he divorce me back then instead of hurting me that way. If he not honest with me it will happen again.

I am on my second stage, Thanks for the insight, Now i ll do it safely for every one involved. It feels great! You must be wondering why i am choosing to make mistake knowingly with pros & cons? It simply gives a sense that i am breathing & mortal.

Why are people even susceptible to this kind of thing? It’s so ridiculously hard. I am tired.

I luckily discovered some wonderful sex workers which stopped me feeling lonely and unloved but didnt start an affair which ends up hurting everyone in the end. I also learned from that experience that to a large extent your brain doesnt care where or who you are getting physical love from and you dont have to be dependent on any one person to get the loved feeling and the rush of dopamine and oxytocin that creates it. I now understand the yogi rule of no attachments better too. I was dependent on my married partner too much perhaps for feeling loved and appreciated for too long. Now I have to see if there is a future for us as 2 respectful individuals instead of two dependents in marriage. I still love my married partner really after 25 years, just not any more in that infatuated all or nothing way it all started.

"Old love does not rust" (saying in Poland). Women remeber everything. She will be unhappy after "therapy". Do you want to live with unhappy woman?

Wish my wife would watch this. Too late.

The statistics are sobering. Only 10% of affairs go on to marriage with the affair partner and, of these, 75% to 80% end up in divorce. Glad my wife eventually reinvested in our marriage. Otherwise it would have negatively impacted our son, who now has a university degree and a solid career. Her affair came to an abrupt end when she came home with an STI and an unwanted pregnancy. The first time she knew she was well and truly busted was when I surprised her and confronted her about the affair in the family planning clinic just before she was about to go in for a termination procedure. Her AP boss didn’t even have the decency to be there to support her. She meant everything to me. I adored her. 22 years later, we are still married.,

Got a friend that has a handyman at her house all say and night .. she says its normal .. this has been going on for 2.5 years

Thankyou.

salvage ? WHY in gods name am I trying to GAIN TRUST is a PROVEN LIER ?

If the person met the other while already separated?

You are super auwsum znd very informative thank you

Less than 10% of affairs marry?….ok, what percent of people having affairs shouldn’t be married to their partner in the first place?? As in, divorcing, whether or not for someone else is the CORRECT path?

Great explanation 🙏 Love from india ❤️

What kind of timeline does a person take to go through these stages?

This is right on thw mark