The token white guy looked into the future and saw the rest of the script. Then drank the poison to escape this universe as fast as possible.

Dear Acolyte writers, that South Park episode was a parody, not an instruction manual. Try again

Token White Guy is my favorite character, if I woke up out of a 10 year meditation and found out I was in this show, I would have drank the poison too.

The recent star wars movies and shows feel like a bunch of people getting dressed in star wars outfits and acting out fan fiction or just LARPing. There's like zero quality to the writing and direction.

The only white male Jedi in the show kills himself because of his guilt... what a unique and powerful message.

1: "Attack me with all of your strength." 2: "No, I don't think I will." 1: "Why not?" 2: "The way you asked was cringe."

You know you've made it when people look forward to your reviews more than the show itself!

"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not eat them. You were to bring balance to the Force, not weigh it down"

Whats with the Fat Jedi btw? Isn't temptation a bad thing? How are you supposed to resist the dark side if you can't even resist cake?

For idiots, by idiots. A Star Wars Story.

My new favorite quote; "It's not just 'ham-fisted'; it's sausage fingered and bacon wristed."

I’m calling it now; the good and evil twins aren’t biological twins, but the evil twin is from another multiverse, and they’re gonna introduce the multiverse for Star Wars in this show…

Can’t believe we’ve seen a Jedi with a higher cholesterol than midiclorians, mr Obi Wants Wegovy, Qui Gon Chins, Soda, Kit Fatso. Surely using the force burns calories…

2023 - "why are all the 'writers' worried about AI taking their jobs?" 2024 - watching the Acolyte - "oh"

There will never be a worse Star Wars than the Star Wars Christmas Special. Kathleen Kennedy: "Hold my Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Light Ice".

A mystical order of virgin space wizards who, since childhood, have undergone rigorous and demanding physical training, with a strong emphasis on self denial and mastery over temptations. "Nah, lets make one of them a fatty."

The acolyte has a budget of $180M. The budget for the original trilogy, adjusted for inflation for 1983-2024 is around $193M in TOTAL. Let that sink in for a second.

I like how the Jedi guy meditated for 10 years and the conclusion he reached was "I should probably just kill myself".

"the only thing beefed up around here is this body positive individual" LOL 🤣

Discount Ezra Miller. Nearly pissed myself 😂😂😂

Mark Hamill told a story about how he panicked after the heroes escaped the garbage unit and he was standing in the next scene bone dry including his hair. He thought it would look amateurish and the audience would notice the continuity problem and get taken outta the movie. Harrison Ford shakes his head with a smile and says, "It's not that kinda movie, kid. They ain't gonna be noticin' your hair. If they're so bored that they're noticing your hair, we're in DEEP trouble." We're noticing the hair, Disney. The hair, the fire, and Kit Fatso.

Remember when Jar Jar was the low point in Star Wars? I yearn for those simpler days.

The more time passes, the more I am convinced that George Lucas selling SW to Disney was revenge on the fans that shat on the prequels: "Oh yeah you think the prequels are shit? I will show you real shit! Hey, Disney, wanna buy SWs??"

"The only thing I'd trust this guy to defend me from is an all you can eat buffet" LMAAOOOOOOOOOO

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying NOTHING." -Macbeth

Token white guy did the only thing reasonable, took the first painless exit path out of this show.

I love how he won’t even dignify using the character’s actual names

The Critical Drinker: watching this shit so I don't have to.

I just find it insane that Disney has an employee outright saying they're using a franchise to be discriminating toward a group of people and everyone just laughed. How is there such a disconnect for just bold straight faced racism.

"I think the CW would have done that better". That's probably the most brutal take I have heard so far.

The guy who played Levitating Jedi is the same guy who played Tommen Baratheon. He's one role away from a pattern of being the guy who commits sewer-slide out of guilt.

I can't believe this is what Star Wars has become

Luke: "Hey, can you drink this?" Palpatine: "Sure thing." *Takes a drink* "What is it?" Luke: "Poison."

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plumpious the Large? I thought not. It's not a story the Nutritionists would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plumpious was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so bloated and vast he could influence the scale to shift... and gain weight at will. He had such a knowledge of the caloric intake that he could even keep the pounds from shedding. He became so rotund... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his girth, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice liposuctioned him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from slimming down, but not himself."

First: Nice, they made Stewie Griffin Jedi Master canon. Second: Surviving the Acolyte by simply ignoring her is a perfect metaphor for the series as a whole, I guess.

Would someone make an interview with one of those critics, asking them how they came to a 10/10, while at the same time pointing out to them all the idiotic things going on in the series.

Kathleen Kennedy really looked at the Game of Thrones finale and said: “Yeah let’s do that!”

The Acolyte is beginning to make me think that Star Wars is a massive money laundering ring. This shit is on par with Steven Segal.

I actually miss Jar Jar Binks after these Star Wars projects.

5:20 He could deal with "Pizza the Hut" pretty handily though, i bet.

"My body fat percentage has doubled since the last time we met, Count"

That's crazy how a galaxy far far away is starting to have identity politics of an earth really really close.

All very very true. The Acolyte is absolutely terrible. To add - the use of binoculars to look at something 20m away in this episode was horrific.

I hope he survives his episode 3 review

Skilled assassins often wear the same outfit everywhere and never change how they look despite being actively hunted

"Is it possible to learn this power?" "Not from a nutrition coach."

The "force field" scenes are actually so much more stupid if you subscribe to the Rogue One explanation of the Force where it's literally just plot armor that allows you do to literally anything as long as you need to stay alive to do something really important. It may be that he's literally just in sleep stasis while the Force enabled God Mode on him. It's like in an old video game where your attacks are totally ineffectual to story critical characters.

The saddest part of the Acolyte, is the fact that the staff in the writer's room learned how to stop eating the crayons provided and started to write with them.

"You just admitted to assisting in the murder poisoning of a Jedi master 5 minutes ago,.... I'll let you off with a warning." Stellar writing.

"Not just ham-fisted, it's sausage-fingered and bacon-wristed" has been added to my lexicon... What a golden line!

"Attack me with all of your strength" "Fine. The gender pay gap isn't real"

Ironically, the Bee Gee Jedi Master was not interested in _Stayin' Alive_

You guys don’t get it: Disney is pursuing a smart strategy to fight piracy by producing shows so horrible that are not worth to be illegally shared.

The ad before The Drinker was for the acolyte haha

I tell ‘em, “Tough Guys Don’t Dance” *They tell me, “Keep dancing.”*

I can picture the article now: a white male in fancy robes effortlessly levitates in the air, unaware and unconcerned by his surroundings, while the disgruntled, diverse, female tries to get to him but is blocked by an invisible force field of privilege.

Ahhhh remember when we as fans complained about Ewoks, the special editions, The Holiday Special, Jar Jar Binks, and sand....man, we had no idea how good we had it 🤦🤣

I remember a week ago when I thought, “this is as bad as it gets” Oh, you sweet summer child.

I'm not gonna lie I haven't watched your videos in a while. This video made my day, never fails to make me laugh! 😂

"Attack me with all your strength" has to be one of the cringiest lines ever written.

At this point criticals reviews of star wars shows probably have higher views than the actual star wars shows themselves lol

There was a time when Jar Jar Binks was the worst that ever happened to Star Wars. Nobody thought it could ever come to *this*.

That floating guy actually looks like a puppet from team America lol

Fans: "Why did you poorly write this Star Wars show?" Actors and Writers: "What's Star Wars?" Writer: "Oh wait, isn't that the movie where it's Harrison Ford and his dog?" Actor: "Nah, it's the movie where Anakin blew up the Death Star!" Headland: "No, it's the show about gay droids!" Disney: "Don't worry, bigots! We got the best team to make future Star Wars content! Here's another 180 million for Season 2!"

:50, if Shaggy was a Jedi… “like, use the force Scoob!”

I salute you for getting this far to warn us. This New Low makes Battle Beyond the Stars and Star Crash look like masterpieces.

Next villain will be ‘Darth Diabetus the Wide’

One of the most painful things with this series, is the Jedi knights Padawan seems to tell HIM what to do. Af is she's in charge... I absolutely hate that.

Thank goodness you continuing it so I can continue laughing without exposing myself any further than 2 episodes!

It's rather funny that I got an Acolyte ad on this very video.

Dude, I am more invested in his reviews of the show than the show itself

I don't even watch the show, I'm just here for the roast.

Haaahahahaha awesome - your best one for ages - loved all the cutaways ! Great work buddy !

What a wonderful way of describing this intergalactic star ship crash of a show 😂 well done 👍🏻

It's hilarious how these twins who've not seen each other for years magically have the same intricately styled hairstyle 🤣😂

"It's not just ham-fisted, it's sausage fingered and bacon wristed." Fantastic line.

1:20 The “I Hate Heteros Dance.”

The thicc jedi had me rolling

"Attack me, with all of your strength." "Miss, this is a Wendy's."

The reveal in Ep.3 is that these Jedi Masters apparently responsible for the death of May's "family," however May started the fire that actually killed everyone, sooooo................... This just goes to show the moral bankruptcy of the writers and show runners, May started the fire, but it's not her fault, nothing's here fault, it's somebody else's fault and somebody else has to pay, that's Modern Morality & Thinking for you...........

Another Star Wars show I do not have to watch. Thanks, Drinker, for taking one for the team. Each one of your subs owes you a bottle of scotch. ;)

just to piss of Disney, I promise to rewatch this review 3x per day for the rest of my life

That "attack me" non-sense pisses me off so much.

“Luke, did I ever tell you about the Acolyte?” “No” “Okay, let’s leave it there then..”

Oh, I cannot WAIT for your video on Episode 3 😅 I’ve never seen a franchise that’s been more disrespected by its owners than Disney with Star Wars

This was so much more enjoyable and entertaining than the actual show. Oh man, can't wait for your episode 3!

Her attack on the "Force" field is comedy gold. It looks like something you would see from a high school play.

"It's a textbook example of people hired for their identity rather than their talent". Well said brother. Subbed!

Checking youtube every minute for your episode 3 Review 😂

"You was farming in bathtubs and laughin' your ass off." So the rest of the spotlight can happen.

The Lard side is a pathway to abilities your cardiologist would consider unhealthy

Genuinely get to enjoy hearing about how bad the show is without having to watching it, while simultaneously supporting the Drinker.

It's so bad I can't even get through the KZfaq review without puking in the back of my mouth.

Thank you for posting these so I can follow the lunacy without having to give Disney viewing time

So token Jedi stays in a force bubble for 10 YEARS contemplating his actions and then an unknown random woman shows up, tells him to take a poison and he obeys immediately? I don't even think Bobba Fett reached this level of dumb contrivance.

I swear Amandla Stenberg's hair in The Acolyte makes her look like a trans Rick James.

As a child in the seventies I watched the first Star Wars movie in the theater and instantly fell in love with the whole thing. I collected Star Wars figures (not tiny dolls) and my friends and I discussed everything Star Wars on the playground. I didn't even mind the prequels because they did fill in some of the gaps we would discuss on the playground. It was like finally learning the truth about a well kept secret as an adult. Kind of a coming of age thing of sort. This piece of crap kind of sums up just what a mess Disney can make. Thanks George for letting them behind the wheel.

Dr. Strange: "I have seen the 14,000,605 possible future storylines for the Acolyte .... there is not a single one with a good white guy"

Critical Drinker: "Can storytelling get any worse than Rebel Moon?" The Acolyte: "Here. Hold my beer."

You have always been comical in all your reviews, I love it, and as always I gave you a like and God bless bruh.