The Best Way to Start & End a College Essay in 2024! | Tips for Common App and Supplementals
Рет қаралды 182,776
Күн бұрынEvery year, two of the biggest issues I see in student essays are weak hooks and poor conclusions. What really breaks my heart is not just the fact that these two issues are so prevalent - more than half of the essays we read and edited had these problems - it’s also the fact that when the hook or conclusion is done poorly… it’s done really, really poorly. Like will-kill-your-chances-at-getting-admitted poorly.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that bad hooks and bad endings are actually pretty easy to fix!
Time Stamps
0:00 Intro
1:00 Hooks
4:36 Conclusions
#collegeadmissions #ivyleague #yale #yaleuniversity
ABOUT US
Hi! We're Kevin and Jeffrey, two Yalies who want to help you get into your dream school!
About Kevin Zhen: Exeter '16, Yale '20 (East Asian Studies)
Since 2016, Kevin has personally helped more than 30+ students gain acceptances into every Ivy League University, as well as top tech schools such as Stanford and Georgia Tech. He also loves teaching creative nonfiction, flash fiction and poetry. In total, his students have won more than 75+ Scholastic Writing awards.
About Jeffrey Yu: Yale '23 (Computer Science and East Asian Studies)
Jeff is a senior at Yale double majoring in Computer Science and East Asian Studies with a concentration on China. His college admissions essay was featured in the New York Times, and he specializes in essay writing, college admissions strategy, and life coaching. He has served as a Student Ambassador to the Yale Admissions Office, written extensively about college admissions on Quora and has taught courses on motivation, passion, and leadership while sponsored by the US Embassy in Tokyo.
LINKS
Website ► www.elevated.school
Contact Us ► www.elevated.school/getstarted
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MUSIC CREDITS
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♪ Bake a Pie (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - bake a pie ...
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♪ Butter (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - butter (roy...
♪ Chocolate (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) l...
♪ Highball (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - highball (r...
♪ Home (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - home (royal...
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@elevatedschool Ай бұрын
From now until August 2024, I (Kevin) will offering doing FREE intro calls with students (and parents!) Visit: linktr.ee/elevatedschool Thank you watching our videos! Your support seriously means the world to us!!
@toastedbleucheese 8 ай бұрын
You are the *very first* person I have ever seen-online or in person-who has used more than 10 hand gestures that were all different, all appropriately used, and very helpful in visualizing your points. It is also visually entertaining in keeping people interested in giving you full attention. thank you so much for being the one person I’ve always wanted to be.
@sol.music. 5 ай бұрын
So true, I never realized how engaging constant hand movements were until I saw this guy in the video, it helped me understand pay attention to what he was saying the entire time.
@user-wd1so4lb2o Ай бұрын
it’s kind of excessive imo
@melanieavila5759 8 ай бұрын
5 Tips to Remember (Rising Scholar, MA) 1) Essay hooks are imperative because they must obtain the attention of your college admission officers (5-6 minutes on the essay) 2) Begin your essay with a conflict (Make it original, real stakes, evoke sensory details) 3) Indirectly mention what you can bring to college - contribution to campus 4)Connect personal values to strengths that you can 'bring to the table' 5)OR begin your essay with a mystery hook- an unusual event that leaves the reader asking why?
@evolutionarydays5237 5 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for the helpful advice! I was a little uncertain about my essay's flaws, but you really helped me strengthen my conclusion and introduction. Thanks!
@kristenyang._. 6 ай бұрын
This video is so well written and organized! Well done and thank you for the practical/constructive advice!
@forthemhobbies9793 10 ай бұрын
thank you so much for this! your style of delivering message and those little animatic movements you make are so interesting, I keep my focus all the time while watching your video! and those are really great tips, I plan to alter it to my own versions when i write my essay. Please pray for me so I am able to go to my dream country!
@andrewj2k_ 11 ай бұрын
The advice, especially on conclusions, really helped!
@blessingngozi4104 7 ай бұрын
U Cute
@ngwuemeka1838 7 ай бұрын
This advice on conclusions really helped . Been working on my conclusion for over 4 months now 😢
@sugerio9460 7 ай бұрын
I would love to recieve a Common App essay review! Your videos have been extremely helpful so far!
@systemloading45 11 ай бұрын
You don't understand how helpful you are, your advice is much appreciated!!!
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. Vx
@elevatedschool 8 ай бұрын
Hi friends!! For the next month (until 11/1/23), we’ll be selecting 3 of the commenters on THIS video for a FREE essay review! To qualify, all you have to do is like and reply to this comment with something you learned from this video :) FYI normally, we charge $225 for a professional common app review with feedback from two of our ElevatEd consultants!
@soul_motivation247 8 ай бұрын
In this video;ive learnt the importance of using hooks in the intro inorder to engage the reader to continue reading;I was struggling te create a hook but you definitely helped me a lot
@IProFuzz 8 ай бұрын
I’ve learned that using a question is a great way to start a college essay. I’ve also learned that college admission officers usually spent 5-6 minutes on your college essays so you want to hook the reader so that they don’t just skim over your application.
@ivanpaiewonsky 8 ай бұрын
One of my weaknesses was my introduction. With this video, I feel that I have quite understood the importance of giving the reader a reason to read my essay besides just being their responsibility; for them to also be interested and learn something. Thank you so much!
@jessicanguyen-tran 8 ай бұрын
I have learned that the BEST way to capture the admission officers’ attention right from the start is introducing real-life conflicts. I also learned that ending your essay with your contribution to the college is great!
@verdaaydin2143 8 ай бұрын
In this video I have not only learnt the importance of the hooks but I also learnt that it's not as intimidating as it seems with the right approach! Thank you for your insights!
@paulshkolnik657 10 ай бұрын
Thank you this was simple advice but very helpful 👍
@kiroao 7 ай бұрын
My common app essay about growth and development achieved through a particular experience hasn’t been very productive to say the least. Can’t really tie down any incident from my life where my character really stood out, what to do when you have a very boring life and still wanna get into a good uni -.- Your video was really helpful, hope i’ll come up with something unique!
@user-kh7ef4ho4d Ай бұрын
Character vs self - Change to ideology Character vs character - conflict, idea debate Character vs environment - Social, economic, etc
@Naknave 4 ай бұрын
Your hand gestures are a godsend for adhd viewers like me, this is the only college essay video my brain could latch to
@elevatedschool 8 ай бұрын
Hi everyone! In the two years since we started this channel, we've helped more than 70+ students get into every single Ivy League School, Stanford, MIT and more! If you're interested in working with us, please visit our website: www.elevated.school/getstarted. And if you'd like your essay edited by a member of our team, visit www.elevated.school/editmyessay . Also, please note that we do take on exceptional low-income students every year, so if you identify as part of that group and would like a scholarship, let us know! I hope you found this video helpful and are having a wonderful day 😇
@rekharawat8621 9 ай бұрын
😊😊😊😊😊😊
@laraibsalman2937 7 ай бұрын
you are a life saver fr!!!!
@_ema.143 3 ай бұрын
what would you recommend we make the essay topic about?? for me this is always the hardest step with the conclusion being a close second
@tanvi6033 11 ай бұрын
been looking for a video to help with my intro for so long, thank you so much!!
@elevatedschool 11 ай бұрын
Sure thing tanvi!
@bruhnish598 4 күн бұрын
i love how you use hand gestures to keep viewers engaged. this was probably the most useful video I have watched to date. i will for sure be watching more videos from your channel. and btw the conclusion you said was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING
@elevatedschool 4 күн бұрын
Thank you!! I've received a lot of compliments about the hand gestures hahaha
@ladygamer2068 8 ай бұрын
5:30 is a perfect example for conclusion !!
@ilyasilyasov9271 10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this video!
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
You are so welcome!
@porimasu 8 ай бұрын
Thank you for this vid! As a serious applicant, I'm very interested in the common app essay review. Do you choose before ED deadlines? (planning to ED to NU) :)
@orlehmann-6177 7 ай бұрын
Hi Kevin!! I'm an international student and I've been struggling to put together my Common App essay, but your videos are SO helpful!. This particular video really helped me understand the problem I had with the eureka problem and the problem-solution ratio. Your advice on how to end the essay was really helpful as well and I will definitely implant it in my essay. I would love to hear your input and take on my essay! I'm pretty proud of how it turned out but given the fact I have no one to help me with my application (it's not very common to apply to US universities where I live), it would be extremely helpful if you could take a look at my essay
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
I am a professor at a notable university. What's your major and what country are you from?
@orlehmann-6177 7 ай бұрын
@@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia Hi! I’m from Israel and thinking of majoring in chemistry
@Ireallylovelasagnasomuch 10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much I'll definitely put this into consideration when writing a statement. Could you make a video about essence objects and how to write about it in your essay??
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
Sure!
@yawn_ing9345 9 ай бұрын
That's a wild pfp
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. N
@Ireallylovelasagnasomuch 7 ай бұрын
@@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia hello! if you're referring to me then I want to major in nursing
@user-zt8bv9ey1t 9 ай бұрын
I love your smiles
@user-kp7uk4bn3y 9 ай бұрын
great advice!
@user-zy6sl5tp7g 10 ай бұрын
Oh... I related > a lot < to the "prom committee" example. Entering the committee wasn't on my plans for this year, and I've said to myself that I wouldn't join them. But guess what? I did, and it was the best thing I did. I never really thought about writing about us, but this video made me look back on everything we did this year, all the details we made sure to prepare for the events we did ourselves at school. I really love my crew, and I believe I'm a person that gets deeply involved with the people around me. All the times we stressed (and cried about it), all the times we laughed or kinda argued... All those moments feel so special to me. Twelve years of going to school, twelve years of meeting new people and learning something with them. This is my last year of high school and I just hope it passes really slowly because I don't want it to end. Unfortunately, I know that I'll probably lose contact with a lot of people I've met in the past three years in the same school, but I will always be grateful for having the opportunity to be part of their lives. Even if school stresses me, I love the environment, and it's so scary to think that all of that will be gone in four months... Maybe I should write about it, thanks a lot =D
@kindle2346 8 ай бұрын
I relate so much to this omg😭😭
@blessingngozi4104 8 ай бұрын
Oh wow this is really helpful, I have been looking for a detailed explanation like this, I'll summit a personal statement for my application this October about (motivation with which I applied for the program)and my chosen career is entertainment and arts- practical music. Please can u with statements that has a catchy begginning like the hook, he explained,proving how much I need to get in or why I should get the admission🙏🙏
@julianavelasquez9772 10 ай бұрын
WOW this is SO GOOD and extremely insightful!! 🙏🏻
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
Glad you thought so Juliana!
@julianavelasquez9772 10 ай бұрын
@@elevatedschool Absolutely! I checked out your website! Would I be able to submit my grad school personal statement essay for review on there?
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
@@julianavelasquez9772 Yes! Just upload it here: www.elevated.school/editmyessay
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university.
@justinianmeyovac3447 9 ай бұрын
For the UCs, most people recommend being straight to the point, without hooks or any form of creativity. In that case, do you still recommend doing a milder hook, or something like that? I do think a conclusion(with the so what? part) is still important but I'm not sure about the hook.
@elevatedschool 9 ай бұрын
Great question and point! I'd still include a hook, just a much shorter one (max 2 sentences)
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
UC is what?
@geterfly3621 9 ай бұрын
Hey bro, I just wanted to say I really liked your video 💯
@elevatedschool 9 ай бұрын
I appreciate your appreciation bro!
@JJ-ki7zf 7 ай бұрын
6:04 is so precious
@admissionsgames 9 ай бұрын
@elevatedschool great example of a hook with some humor in it (done right) -- probably also helped out but not pointed out often enough.
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
"Western Michigan University", a doctoral research university with the largest donation in public university history, is the best. If you get admitted they have tons of generous scholarships and they even pay for your internship and in some cases, for your dorm.
@Greenlightandgo 5 ай бұрын
great video but honestly, when do we get that perfect recipe for fried rice?
@JJ-ki7zf 7 ай бұрын
Considering that only 90 k people watched this at this point, I think I got a pretty valuable information
@chezeef102 9 ай бұрын
gonna tackle it rn, wish me luck folks
@Zecos 9 ай бұрын
Ok I was really missing out on this. My essay (that I’ll be submitting this November for numerous top school’s EA/ED) talks about ‘friendship betrayal’ and how it’s helped me grow. I was always starting off directly with the narrative and it comes off as too boring. I’m trying to devise hooks but have been largely struggling to find one that creative and relevant. Does anyone have ideas on how I could begin it? I would love even the tiniest of help :)
@vidhijain9124 9 ай бұрын
1) Sometimes the person we think we are growing with is the one that teaches alot of things only after they've left giving you more room to grow so 2) It does hurt when the the person you have trusted with everything is the one who betrays you but it just gives you a reality check now you are more prepared to face the world knowing who to trust 3) One thing I've learned is not to trust someone so deeply that I can't accept they did wrong I'm no good at this, you can write it better with the ideas above I hope this helped All the best👍🏻
@Zecos 9 ай бұрын
@@vidhijain9124 damn the third one is actually really good… I could make it work But I’m dropping this experience. I just don’t feel that comfortable explaining ‘what’ happened, and though it did impact me a lot, I feel like it’s almost as if I’m making something out of nothing. Bcz what if the admissions officer doesn’t see the thing I saw as betrayal… as betrayal, you know? So I’m thinking to make my essay about my height and how I’ve always been insecure about it throughout my high school. Being the tallest guy (6’4”💀) wasn’t easy, and I feel like I can make it a lot more personal and write better. IDKKK though I’m gonna write both essays simultaneously and just choose the best one at the end 🤷🏼♂️
@lolidktbh4205 9 ай бұрын
“As a child growing up friends are everything. Your bestfriend is the on you share secrets with, eat lunch together, and even have sleep overs with. We never kept secrets from eachother, and never told them to anyone else. One time however I learned a very important lesson. To not trust people……”
@buffalobill6978 8 ай бұрын
Maybe start off with a dialogue you had with one of your old friends in which you were argueing, or perhaps confronting them about their betrayal? But on another note, im sorry you had to go through being betrayed by someone who you thought and expected to loyally stay by your side. However, there is someone who will never EVER leave your side, and His name is Jesus Christ! 2000+ years ago he came to earth and suffered beatings, being abandoned by His closest friends, being betrayed unto death, being spat on, and nailed to a cross. Why did He endure all of this? Well, it doesn't quite make sense until you look at yourself. God has his moral Law, the Ten Commandments, and you and I have broken God's Law. The Ten Commandments require us not to lie, steal, use God's name in vain (blasphemy), commit adultery (Which Jesus says looking at others with lust is the same as adultery), and murdering (which Jesus also says hating someone is the same as being a murderer at heart). These are only a few of the commandments, and breaking just one makes you guilty of breaking them all (James 2:10). so, have you lied before? or stolen? hated someone, looked with lust, or used God's name in vain (ex: saying "oh my ***). If so, God seeing you as a lying, thieving, blaspheming, adulterous murderer at heart. You are guilty before God of eternal death in Hell (the Bible says the wages of sin is death in Romans 6:23). And this should terrify you, for the Bible says in Hell there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, and that it is like a lake of fire that is never quenched. There will be no laughing, no partying, just eternal suffering. But back to Jesus. When He came to earth and suffered and died on that cross, though He never needed to die since He was sinless, He was paying the debt of your sins as well as mine. Then, He rose from the dead, thus conquering death and proving that all who believe on Him will likewise rise from death to life. So, i imploreeee you, homie, put your trust is Jesus Christ TODAY, and God will grant you ever lasting life. The rest of Romans 6:23 says "The wages of sin is death, but the FREE GIFT OF GOD is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So, trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Believe on Him and you will be saved.
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university.
@Lumbbb 10 ай бұрын
Hi, is it cliché or acceptable to start my PE by describing myself from a third person's perspective, like "In the concert hall, a young pianist merely 13 years old found himself..."?
@jessenceq3250 9 күн бұрын
How do you add a conflict or mystery hook with the question "What leadership qualities do you possess and why does it matter?"
@user-xd8xf7hq9h 9 ай бұрын
When submitting common app essay, which is better just putting texts in the box or submit in google doc? Also, which format I should use when submitting in google doc ? Also, is 470 words enough? Should I write more?
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. G
@Redjanuary17 10 ай бұрын
Can you please do a video diversity/ community essay and how u bring to university
@user-om5cd5ql4w Ай бұрын
How do I write a essay about myself if I don't know myself
@estrellasalazar5329 7 ай бұрын
Mine begins like this: It was hot. Sitting on my bed with blankets over me trying to hide the light from my toy flashlight, my 7-year-old self held a book between her hands. Like a lamp of illusions, voices resonated in my mind giving life to the characters that I deciphered through words. Because since I was little, curiosity has haunted my emptiest nights. and ends like this: The girl sitting with a flashlight and a book between her hands continues dreaming, dreaming of her words making sense beyond fantasy, with a less high-pitched but more intense voice, with a need to understand the world and do something to change it, she sat. In my room, the floor was frozen, but something burned. The heat of ideas and emotions collapsed every wall. In the darkness of La Libertad, Trujillo, a town in the north of Peru. It was hot. do u think it is good? I am applying to dartmouth as an english major
@gwendolynnn6764 10 ай бұрын
I was gonna write an essay about how my own mental health influenced my true ability in high school. I was wondering if either of these hooks were good or if you could give me a good suggestion! 1- My own head is the destroyer of my success. 2- My life is a unique game of battle of the brain. Let me fill you in.
@theprimera387 10 ай бұрын
Your first hook seems interesting.
@notovertaken8330 10 ай бұрын
first one for sure
@pjscoglio7482 10 ай бұрын
Heres a good one I can't believe I murdered someone. Later in the essay, u explain that you murdered your own chance of success
@arjunsapkota8841 10 ай бұрын
The Common App does not require applicants to submit academic transcripts. How do colleges learn about my academic performance when I apply through the Common App?
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
Your counselor typically submits your transcripts on your behalf: membersupport.commonapp.org/s/article/How-where-is-a-student-s-transcript-submitted
@arjunsapkota8841 10 ай бұрын
@@elevatedschool Thank you for your kind response. I have an additional inquiry: my final transcript is scheduled to be released in November 2023. Is it possible for me to apply for fall 2024 admission earlier than that? All of my report cards, with the exception of the final transcript, are currently available at my school. I am uncertain of what actions I should take in this particular situation. Your guidance and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@datkim97 10 ай бұрын
Yesssssssss
@thiagogregory1 9 күн бұрын
Do you offer 1-1 essay brainstorming+editing services? If so, you should! This video made me want to be your client when its my time to apply for transfer admissions
@elevatedschool 9 күн бұрын
Yes we do! Visit our website: www.elevated.school for more info and details!
@gab.o_ 10 ай бұрын
How does it feel knowing that you’re the reason that a lot of people here to get accepted into college?
@elevatedschool 10 ай бұрын
To be honest, it feels gratifying! Writing scripts and staring into a black box to record videos each week can be tiring, especially with all the other teaching we're doing, but the messages each April from students definitely motivates us to keep creating :) But even better than helping students get into college is just seeing them grow over time -- at the end of the day, college is not the end goal. It's about guiding students --and teaching them to guide themselves-- as they rise from one part of their academic and life journey to other!
@Jayden_the_steak 3 ай бұрын
6:05 mic drop 🎤🖐️😂
@catherinealicia1854 9 ай бұрын
Can you help me write my essay 😢 i have a pretty interesting story!
@bubblyfei157 3 ай бұрын
Help I’ve always lived in Europe now moving to USA for university and I have no fricking idea how to write an essay we don’t do that shiz in Europe just show our grades and get accepted
@zacm9747 4 ай бұрын
As a fan of Amy Tan, I love seeing Asian Americans representing English and literature.
@mohamedbouhtout5545 9 ай бұрын
Will you guys be willing to read my essay and tel me honest feedback on what I did wrong and what I did good?
@elevatedschool 9 ай бұрын
Yes! Please upload it to www.elevated.school/editmyessay
@mohamedbouhtout5545 9 ай бұрын
@@elevatedschool is there a free way
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. Where are you from too? Perhaps I could be of help
@user-kh7ef4ho4d Ай бұрын
Conclusion = Bake sale of reflection of own values
@user-kh7ef4ho4d Ай бұрын
Who I hope to be and bring to campus
@Notfound-uy3vy 8 ай бұрын
w video
@clickprofileimage 9 ай бұрын
Like if you think his tips are useful ❤
@user-kh7ef4ho4d Ай бұрын
Conclusion: So what? What can I contribute to the community?
@nylah3065 5 ай бұрын
Is this a good start off for a essay . The essay is called “Her” “Growing up she thought life was going to be precious and easy”
@nylah3065 5 ай бұрын
Please reply
@abishekbastola 8 ай бұрын
can you fix my essay please
@_Atreus 7 ай бұрын
Please pick me I can't afford reviews and I think one will help me a lot
@IceCream-ey2kg 5 ай бұрын
ngl you’re kinda handsome
@IceCream-ey2kg 5 ай бұрын
especially when you smile awww its so cute
@IceCream-ey2kg 5 ай бұрын
and you’re very engaging too! bruh i should not be simping over a guy two days before the ivy deadlines
@Dan-1031 Ай бұрын
“Explain in Gen Z terms” So basically hooks are like clickbait
@paulaarias6121 8 ай бұрын
you are too cute
@haylieerisggd2270 9 ай бұрын
okay i saw this video, now delete pls. 🙂
@cheesepuff5700 8 ай бұрын
Wtf do you mean by that 💀
@pondererofpointlessdreams5029 8 ай бұрын
@@cheesepuff5700delete it so the other applicants don't watch it and write better essays 😭
@JuicyJuice-0 10 ай бұрын
I'm looking forward to going to conventions as an artist this year! I've been working on handmade cosplays and it's been so much fun!! Thank you so much for your content on KZfaq! I've only watched a couple of videos but I can tell the passion you put into them and I appreciate that a lot! :) - @olive.mcjuice
@MichiganUSASingaporeSEAsia 7 ай бұрын
What's your major? I am a professor at a notable university. 🎭
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