Editing YOUR College Essays | The BEST Essay I've Read So Far

Рет қаралды 42,439

Күн бұрын

In this video, I'll be editing and rating two more of your common app essays! Be sure to watch all the way through because the second essay is one of the BEST that we've ever reviewed on this channel! Thanks for trusting me with your work! If you're curious to know when we'll be doing something like this again, be sure to subscribe and keep an eye out on our community posts where we announce (which is where we announce when we'll be doing free edits again!)
#collegeadmissions #ivyleague #yale #yaleuniversity #commonapplication
#howtogetintotheivyleague #elevatedschool #kevinzhen #kevinzhensei #jeffreyyu #collegeessay #collegeessaytips #collegeessayhack #commonapp #applyingtocollege #collegeapps #collegeapplications
Time Stamps
0:00 Welcome!
1:47 Common App Essay #1
10:40 Common App Essay #2
19:00 Official Ratings!
20:23 Want your essay edited by us?
ABOUT US
Hi! We're Kevin and Jeffrey, two Yalies who want to help you get into your dream school!
About Kevin Zhen: Exeter '16, Yale '20 (East Asian Studies)
Since 2016, Kevin has personally helped more than 50+ students gain acceptances into every Ivy League University, as well as top tech schools such as Stanford and Georgia Tech. He also loves teaching creative nonfiction, flash fiction and poetry. In total, his students have won more than 120+ Scholastic Writing awards.
About Jeffrey Yu: Yale '23 (Computer Science and East Asian Studies)
Jeff is a senior at Yale double majoring in Computer Science and East Asian Studies with a concentration on China. His college admissions essay was featured in the New York Times, and he specializes in essay writing, college admissions strategy, and life coaching. He has served as a Student Ambassador to the Yale Admissions Office, written extensively about college admissions on Quora and has taught courses on motivation, passion, and leadership while sponsored by the US Embassy in Tokyo.
LINKS
Website ► www.elevated.school
MORE CONTENT
How to get into an Ivy League College 2022 [playlist] ► bit.ly/ivyzhensei
Common Application Essay ► • The Emo Common App Ess...
Yale Supplemental Essays ► • Revealing my MUNDANE Y...
Viewing Yale Admissions File ► • SHOCKED at my Yale Adm...
Interviewing Friends in College ► bit.ly/collegewinterviews
MUSIC CREDITS
♪ Affogato (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - affogato (r...
♪ Alone (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) l...
♪ Bake a Pie (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - bake a pie ...
♪ Branch (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) c...
♪ Butter (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - butter (roy...
♪ Chocolate (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) l...
♪ Highball (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - highball (r...
♪ Home (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - home (royal...
♪ Imagine (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) c...
♪ River (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • (no copyright music) c...
♪ Rose (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - rose (royal...
♪ Travel (Prod. by Lukrembo) ► Link : • lukrembo - rose (royal...

Пікірлер: 130

@elevatedschool 6 күн бұрын

From now until August 2024, I (Kevin) will offering doing FREE intro calls with students (and parents!) If interested in chatting, please visit: www.elevated.school/getstarted Thank you watching our videos! Your support seriously means the world to us!!

@sumaiyatahsin4707 7 ай бұрын

These analysis videos are so much better than watching dozens of KZfaq tutorials and reading tons of sample essays. Thank you!

@systemloading45 7 ай бұрын

You don't understand how helpful you are!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your work is soooo appreciated

@bgavd3695 7 ай бұрын

Hey, I have a question that if I can use Chatgpt to improve grammar and punctuations.

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

Hi friends!! For the next month (until 11/1/23), we’ll be selecting 3 of the commenters on THIS video for a FREE essay review! To qualify, all you have to do is like and reply to this comment with something you learned from this video :) FYI normally, we charge $225 for a professional common app review with feedback from two of our ElevatEd consultants!

@aarohikulkarni8524 7 ай бұрын

Hey! Thank you for this video. I'd say I learnt the importance of analyzing other people's essays. Also, I really liked the tip about the usage of fun verbs, and how it just makes the essay so much more lively. I'd love to get my essay reviewed by you :)

@sarahcarroll520 7 ай бұрын

This video honestly helped me so much with writing my Nat Merit Finalist app essay. I learned that talking about the process, adding specifics (even if they feel kinda niche), being vulnerable, and talking more about the solution than the problem helps to make all my Common App essays better 😊

@pranavidantuluri1685 7 ай бұрын

This video was super helpful in writing my UNC Chapel Hill supplementals. The specificity was something I was clearly lacking, and this video highlighted that the more specific and personal, the better. This series motivated me a lot to think outside the box when writing my essays and I hope you continue it!

@emilybaraceros4344 7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! for all of your college writing tips! Your video has taught me to watch out for cliches in my essay and to be as descriptive as possible (show don't tell!). Looking forward to watching your next college essay editing video! :)

@passionateeditsandtutorial5638 7 ай бұрын

This video provided me with a reminder that the tone of the essay is really important, and being able to use different word choices to reflect and balance different tones can help an essay stand out.

@sabeennawaz5830 7 ай бұрын

Brilliant!! A lot of learning for everyone

@bernardafrifa4587 7 ай бұрын

This has really build my confidence to send you my essay and I’m thankful for that

@adedunnipinheiro3344 6 ай бұрын

You’re so nice! I appreciate your channel! Thank you

@chirmidetha4939 7 ай бұрын

You are amazing. This is what we need. I would love to get my essay reviewed by you.

@tanvi6033 7 ай бұрын

this is by far one of the best series/programs you have implemented- seeing the edits hands on is more helpful than you could ever imagine

@SammettaWorzie 6 ай бұрын

This video was soo helpful! Thank soo much!

@badralbeity4645 7 ай бұрын

You are an absolute legend!!

@bsimret 6 ай бұрын

So helpful to see your editing process! Very helpful as partent to know how to give helpful feedback.

@fozilmamadaliyev7171 6 ай бұрын

Thank you, Kevin. We're learning a lot from you. I hope you will do this free editing again soon!

@tobalaseoyewusi6199 7 ай бұрын

Where have you been all through my college applications? So good.

@YilackNovesta 9 күн бұрын

Wow! Such a beautiful lesson

@ngwuemeka1838 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this . I was able to cut down a few sentences from my essay 😊

@MariaRita-zg9sb 6 ай бұрын

Hello from Brazil! First, I would like to say thank you SO MUCH for this and all your other videos, I'm definitely taking notes! From this video I learned the how to write continously ( don't want to do "The Eureka Problem") and to worry less, I just need to be myself and share my history, but in a unique way. I would love to get my essay reviewed by you, because here in Brazil we use "reais", not dollars, and '"1 real" its 6 dollars, and unfortunately I can't afford that :/ I hope I have this opportunity, and thank you for giving to me and all the students around the world, It means a lot to us who have a big dream waiting to be fulfilled in our hearts :) Yours sincelery, a girl who dreams a lot and its giving her best (or just Maria)

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

Hi friends! It's happening again! From now until September 28th, we will be reviewing YOUR supplemental and UC essays for free! Send them to essay@elevated.school with the subject line "KZfaq Review" for a chance to have your essay analyzed on our channel! If you are comfortable having me workshop your common app essay in a KZfaq video, I would be more than happy to do it completely free for you (we will anonymize your names of course!)! 😊😊😊

@analu2821 7 ай бұрын

this is amazingggg thanks

@meeqvin 7 ай бұрын

where i can send commonapp essay?

@Wirunaga 2 ай бұрын

@@meeqvin essay@elevated.school broo, he typed that

@helendobbyn8739 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the great information

@angiejlho 7 ай бұрын

cant wait!

@melhemhayek1328 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for the vid!

@yea364 7 ай бұрын

I’m applying to Northeastern as my ED school. Since they don’t have any supplementals this would help a lot!

@ray1084 7 ай бұрын

this is awesome. hope you release more of these next week!

@marina3934 7 ай бұрын

This is so so helpful! After watching this, I cut own a few sentences that I didn’t need and elaborated on certain things! Much appreciated!!

@izzatillousmonov5126 7 ай бұрын

Hey, I think we can help each other. I need a partner on this. What do you say

@snake_05 7 ай бұрын

Couldn’t have come at a better time 😄

@nabhaf2796 7 ай бұрын

Thank you so so much for your video ❤✨

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

You're so welcome!

@NahumCoder 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for the video!. It saved my life😆😆😆😆

@sarthak1448 7 ай бұрын

Let's get bro to the 1M

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

Hi everyone! It's been 2 years since we started this KZfaq channel + launched this agency to help kids get into colleges. So far, we've helped more than 70+ students from all across the world and every background imaginable get into every single Ivy League School, Stanford, MIT and more! If you'd like your essay by us, just visit our website! www.elevated.school/editmyessay

@angeliqueordonez5233 4 ай бұрын

Great and helpful video

@veronicavids 2 ай бұрын

I appreciate the help (:

@natinati9166 6 ай бұрын

00:02 Learn how to make your college essays stand out and get into your dream schools. 01:52 The student's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. 03:35 Gradual transition after witnessing mother's chemotherapy 05:26 Teaching basic survival skills and saving lives 07:15 The student's essay lacks specific details and needs more profound reflection in the conclusion. 09:05 The meaning of life shifted for the speaker from pursuing joy to serving others 11:23 Creating the ultimate chocolate chip cookie experience and sharing it with others. 13:10 The organic chemical reaction between amino acids and reducing sugars creates melanoidin compounds that provide color and flavor to brown foods. 15:09 Baking as an expression of admiration 16:55 Value the process of creating something remarkable 18:31 The essay started off strong but fizzled out towards the end. 20:06 The video discusses the emotional impact and authenticity of a college essay.

@jennykuo4430 7 ай бұрын

So helpful!

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

Glad you think so!

@arnavmiranda 6 ай бұрын

Hey Kevin! Love the video! Quick question, after watching pretty much every video on your channel I've noticed how you place heavy emphasis on the P/S ratio. However, the second essay you've displayed here, the one you gave an 8 to, doesn't really display much of either a problem or solution. Does this mean that it is possible to draft good essays that don't need to stick to the double problem solution format? Asking because mine is similar to the essay in question here, and I'm a little anxious 😅😅

@KumudKhattar 6 ай бұрын

Yes I would like to know this as well. Thank you!!

@lukesanborn 7 ай бұрын

I ❤ common app essays

@abigaellejoseph8701 7 ай бұрын

Thank you ❤

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

You're welcome 😊

@KhanhKrafts 4 ай бұрын

I love all you guys do! Your videos are great and really helpful. I love writing and watching these videos has helped me a lot :)

@elevatedschool 4 ай бұрын

Thank you!!

@fozilmamadaliyev7171 6 ай бұрын

I am wondering if we also can have access to the elevated essay rubric.

@grahamkwaker3584 6 ай бұрын

Let’s seeeee

@carlahau698 6 ай бұрын

yipeeee manifesting

@thatUni-guy 7 ай бұрын

I also have a family based essay

@kadirimariamdamilola9905 7 ай бұрын

Please can I submit my essay for review but not have it included in the video

@jbabarquez 6 ай бұрын

WOW. It's a good essay but life doesn't happen in that order, right? That's my struggle now. My life is all over.

@Prometheus-- 7 ай бұрын

good morning y'all

@samihaislam5070 7 ай бұрын

Can we send supplemental essays then?

@stevenxiang3632 7 ай бұрын

great video, it was so helpful! Do you think using quotes in the essay is valid?

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

I typically don't recommend it... but there's an exception to every rule!

@elevatedschool 7 ай бұрын

if you mean quotes from famous people, I'd probably avoid - but if you just mean quotes from characters (like dialogue) that's ok!

@stevenxiang3632 7 ай бұрын

@@elevatedschool thank you!

@davidmasneri3505 7 ай бұрын

If I deleted the cliche hook, would I keep my opening two sentences or add more?

@diegonunez4085 7 ай бұрын

Ermmm I think one or 2 sentence hooks are good bc they kind of demand the reader to keep looking for answers to your hook yk. Your hook should kind of leave the readers a little bit confused which would result in them lookikg further into your essay to understand the mystery you portrayed in the opening