They raise us to be people pleasers so we will never tell them NO! I was led to believe saying NO and having boundaries was rude, disrespectful and lazy.

I’ve attracted quite a few narcissists because I “look friendly” then I begin to disagree with them and then I’m discarded. did me a favor in the long run.

I believe introverts are special people. When I was in Coronado California at a leadership conference, unequivocally, the Navy pilots running the seminar stated : when you think you have “figured out” an introvert , they suddenly surprise you. I find that very cool.

I think my high level of conscientiousness is what led me to stay with a narcissist for 20 years. My “commitment to commitment.” We took vows and that was that! But that turned into prioritizing his needs over my own, saying yes when I meant no, and having no limits or boundaries of my own. I had to learn that that was not commitment, that was dereliction of my duty to myself.

"No amount of openness makes invalidating okay." THANK YOU. Years of abuse turned my agreeableness into a really strong fawn response. When I started to be more assertive and harder to bait, my abuser cranked up the abuse, finally attempting to use the fawn response and the openness to force me into agreeing to something I didn't want to do. I almost fell for it, but I'd gotten assertive enough that I was pushing back on the invalidating. I pushed too hard, he fell back on gaslighting, and fortunately for me, it happened to be something I was certain about. I realized he was gaslighting, and while it took me a couple of days to put the pieces together, I realized I was being abused. Getting out was horrible (do NOT call out your abuser), but I'd rather be fighting to survive and heal than just fighting to survive without knowing I'm doing it. I have to admit that it's entertaining to look back and think about what that must have felt like when he realized I'd caught on. He's trying to play games with the divorce, and I hope it frustrates him as much as it entertains me when nonsense comes from his attorney, ncluding attempted gaslighting, I pull it apart, and it gets sent back to his attorney with a great big NOPE.

I'm so sick of narcs asking questions like they are interrogating you

“Watch your back, your heart , and your soul”. You got that part right. Just the advice I need to hear right now.❤

I have been surrounded by narcissists my whole life and had no idea what I was dealing with until my last relationship. That 4 years of hell changed me. I won't take anyones crap now. Im still an empath but I have learned to say no and not feel guilty. I was with a conscientious covert narcissist. He was a workaholic and detail oriented but very manipulating and controlling.

When you say NO to a narc you are accused of not working well with others, taking advantage of them, of being arrogant, oppositional, selfish, and entitled. (definition of disagreeableness, far end) In fact they will call you all of these things if you want to do anything that benefits you. I was called these things for buying my own home at age 27 and wanting to escape the abuse of my narc mother at home.

And when the broken-hearted People living in the world agree There will be an answer -Let it be `Paul McCartney

Yep as an introvert I attracted a covert/vulnerable narc. Ugh! I became totally isolated. I am agreeable - very agreeable. But I have a dear friend whohas been my utter rock. . I live in my head a lot. I sparked him off because i wouldnt engage and didnt want to go to social gatherings in pubs! Anyhoo ..... I am outa here in weeks. My introversion has saved my sanity ! At the same time my agreeableness, kindnessand caring has NOT put me in good stead. I around quietly keeping everything going despite my fatigue. But my friend has kept me on an een keel, been my sounding board and tells me where she feels I am failing myself. She has been strident sometimes, but she has been right, thank goodness.

Higher neuroticism can be helped by letting go; that comes when you've just had so much you don't care anymore; what's the worst that can happen and aren't you living a lot of that already, so try stopping, writing it down and then you'll realise that the worst usually didn't happen. It helps me anyhow.❤

For decades, I couldn't figure out what it was about me that made me a magnet to workplace bullies, the narcissists. I've been racking my brain wondering, "What am I doing wrong? Why do they hate me? I'm a nice person...." Wow. Great video. Thank you, Dr Ramani. This has been the answer I've been seeking for over 40 years.

That agreeableness was always my Achilles heel. It left me gobsmacked and confused in relatuonships with selfish people, wondering how I got where I was. I am learning to reserve my agreeableness, and to suspend it when someone seems to require my agreeableness yet never to return it with theirs.

I am addicted to YOUR channel 💙🦋

Both parents beat us, all my siblings turned into narcs. I just divorced my second narc, and after listening to you, I realise I've surrounded myself with narcissists. They flourish in my field, I just broke up with my 'best friend' when she kept interrupting me and talking down to me. I'm devastated that I'm 51 and my life has been in service to these people. I don't even know who I am! All I've done is tried to keep myself safe.

I’d argue that many Extroverts who have suffered from narcissistic abuse end up with social anxiety-it’s horrible when your personality type needs people but at the same time you end up avoiding people because of your anxiety. It leads to seclusion and depression. 😢

🖐Introverted! Being in crowds is exhausting. I had no problems at all with isolating during the pandemic! It was a huge relief to me, I had tons of recharge time. And as an agreeable person, I spent DECADES in bad relationships. When I finally got it, it was a visceral feeling for me. I was sad to realize how horrible some people are, but in the end it's much better to live in reality where you are not a carpet or a tool for other people to use.

Since childhood, I have alternated between the neurotic and agreeable personality style... and this video really explains *a lot.* I grew up in a narcissistic family dynamic and was always referred to as the “nice” one by friends. As a child, I always had the desire to be extroverted but was very shy, depressed, didn’t know how to open up to others (still sometimes don’t), and would self-harm as young as elementary school-age. Growing up in the family that I did and not understanding my own personality style made me a super easy target.

I am a social introvert. As the narcissist in my life was not an intimate partner so while we had friens in common I had a whole separate support system that the narcissist was unable to reach. I think most people see me as an extrovert bc they are unaware of the huge amount of time alone I need to be able to sustain my show of extroversion needed to be in their presence hence they sometimes over estimate their importance in my life. Yes the end of the friendship was painful but I was able to end it, however the sudden no contact was really a shock to them.

RE: being highly agreeable. For years, I said that I wasn’t happy, but I did not see myself leaving. That changed through therapy and 12 step work (Al-Anon). I needed the wisdom to know the difference between what I had to accept and what I could change, and I needed the courage to change.

I have a friend who juggles whiles while riding on a unicycle, I mention this because he taught me that practice is the only way to learn things. He is a lot younger than me and comes from an Amazon tribe, long story, but if you want to learn anything remember to practice literally every day no exceptions, and remember to practice more and more. Whenever you think of practice do it, if you feel like you don't want to, do it practice and make yourself enjoy it as much as possible. I am here so I am broken too, but everyone please practice at least 15 minutes a day to start, and then when you feel that sense of accomplishment you will find yourself inspired to do more. eventually practicing hours will be easy and you will see your ability expand and feel great about it. Enough about me (I can almost play guitar and do yoga even though I am epileptic)... LOL

Oh wow! I am and always have been an extrovert. My Mother told me when i was a child, i would say HELLO to everyone! My jobs required a great personality. On the down side, i would get hurt very easily. I came to the conclusion many years ago that i was an "easy magnet" for the narcissist. I have changed in the past 13 years after Therapy, self-help books and experience. Experience is the best teacher. I do have less stress, thank God, and do not have to deal with narcissists or Toxic personalities. This is a very interesting topic.

I miss being unreservedly agreeable. But it *really* didn't serve me. Now, unless I'm certain of another's character and motivations I count everything, have little tolerance for BS, and have no problem walking away. But I love it when I find people I can be my giving, goofy, self with. Fun and flexible people make life worth living. 😁

My friends tell me I am an Ambivert. Agreeable with a certain amount of Openness. The agreeable part of me is probably dominant and how the narcissist took advantage of my trust and kindness. You said it perfectly! "They intellectually get it but hurt in their hearts." He also never understood how I could be social yet love solitude. He did not enjoy being alone for even a second! I told him time alone helps you recharge and take time for self-care. Thank you for this video today so I have a better understanding of these personality types.

I recognize I have a lot to work with myself. I think I have that neuroticism. Thank you so much Dr Ramani blessings ✨🙏✨

I had very agreeable personality style from childhood. I was brutally exposed to verbal abuse after marriage. I wonder if my personality was the sole reason for being chosen...

Very clarifying and it came for me at the right moment - suffering from depression as a result of difficult relationship. It made me feel better, I became aware that I'm not the only one feeling this way and that I'm not to blame.

.. as a German Biologist - I look into the Shopping Cart of a Person in any Super Market Tells about the Person…

This is exactly who I am, thank you Dr Ramani. Now I know what I need to work on.💕🥰🙏🏼‼️

Very interesting: As I succumbed to narcissistic abuse & neglect, my conscientiousness with regard to MY OWN HEALTH & WELL-BEING was eroded. That’s when I began to abuse sex, drugs, and alcohol.

I'm introverted in that people exhaust me, but tbh the people who exhaust me are the extroverts who literally will not let me finish a sentence. How anyone is not exhausted by these incredibly rude, selfish and disrespectful interrupters is beyond me

Thanks Dr Ramani. I’ve always been introverted and I remember in school and high school especially my teachers always noting on reports that I work well on my own, undisturbed. I still like to socialise but usually it’s with other introverted types. Extroverted gatherings have always drained me & I have to mentally prepare for the end of year Christmas, New Years family gatherings. I’m definitely one of those people who cannot function without solitude time to reflect. I love to cook also but I simply cannot do it with other people around me as it causes me to make horrendous mistakes. I’m married to another introvert too so we enjoy each others company and both don’t feel the need to make small talk, we happily will sit in silence together.

Dr Ramani 🦅 Massive 🦅 Respect For You and All of Your Continued Content My utmost Gratitude Thank You 🦅🏆😎

Yes, for sure, we need to work in ourselves.

As someone who is highly neurotic this has explained so much for me. After the relationship with my ex narcissist broke down I was a complete mess and my entire life felt like it crumbled, two years on I am still picking up the pieces and still in some emotional pain despite being in therapy and doing so much internal work... I thought I was defective because it is taking me so long to heal, I am not defective, just having to battle extra obstacles due to my personality style. Thank you Dr Ramani!

I just had 9 weeks on my own while my N husband was overseas. Before he left on this overseas trip I was asking myself "Who am I?" While he was away I had time to think and reassess my situation. I also found Dr Ramani. I think I'm an introvert and this time alone and watching these videos has helped me understand what I've been dealing with for over 40 years. With the help and support of my daughters I'm now finding my mojo again and making plans for my escape.

When I stopped using text messaging, my anxiety and codependency traits diminished substantially. I literally changed. Something about the overthinking and subtleties of texting really enhanced codepency and anxiety within me.

Dr r.. Ramini, Your personality is beautiful and I think your combination of personality styles your combination makes you born to do the work you're doing... But it's really who you are that makes you choose to carry it through even though certainly your work and your public presentation isn't without a weight to carry due to the very same combination of styles ... It also means that with even the smallest of connections in relationships like watching a KZfaq video who you are which you sometimes refer to as the soul comes through so clearly and so balanced that it's very easy to trust and believe what you say in a world Where it is n't often unwise to do so until you extensively know someone. I'm not sure if there's a better compliment I could pay to someone than to say that it is easy and good to know you.... It is an upgrade in quality of life even through a platform like KZfaq... I had a friend in teacher who said the greatest sign that you're progressing as a person is that more and more people are sad to see you go and happy to see you come.... To be welcome at any occasion someone might be going through... And I think that very much describes you and I bet most of the viewers feel the same... Thank you

So interesting -- the analysis of the psyche and how it is/can be mapped out is mind-blowing. What really continues to blow my mind and is something worth remembering on a continual basis is the idea/REALITY of personality styles. And what that means to this writer is that it puts these different personality styles into an objectivity which creates, then, a distance emotionally from any problem that can be perceived in the given personality style. It does not remove the reality of the problem in relationships, but from my layman's point of view, it just gives you an ability to distance yourself in looking at it. The mix of personality styles and how it creates problems. Love it! 🤪😵‍💫🙄😨♥️☮️

I appreciate this content so much!! Your explanation is very informative and helpful. Universal blessings to you and yours, Dr. Ramani ❤

I'm too sensitive and too much of a pushover. Will do anything to please them. Let them steamroll all over me. And my neuroticism is 100 on a scale of 1-10. I'm too agreeable because I'll do anything to not fight. I'm tired and worn down and don't even know who I am anymore

You just described me. Oh my goodness! Had I known…

Being nice and/or agreeable without boundaries makes you a target. Then if you go to therapy from being effected by narcissists, the therapist might suggest you be more agreeable and communicate more effectively with the narcissists which is the absolute worst advice. Anyone else feel like filing lawsuits on any therapist that does this and fails to learn about personality disorders? Us survivors all present with the same stories and the same symptoms. If I pull out my foil hat it would make me consider that if narcissism was called out on, employers and governments would also have their hands full of lawsuits for the survivors who have PTSD or CPTSD from working there.

Openness - it’s fascinating you mention this. My spiritual director , the late Pierre Wolff , mentioned I had this quality. Until now I never quite understood.

The thing that makes s3x really good is genuine love and tenderness. Narcs don't have that ability so they're interested in a partner willing to try different things...... that can get way out of hand! Then the introvert is pushed to do things they've not comfortable with to please the Narc. Definitely not good for the soul!

Omg thank you so much for this!!!!!!!

Fellow introvert here with agreeableness and conscientiousness traits raised with both parents, an ex and now current husband all exhibited narcissistic behavior. Working on myself to why I allow myself to be attached to these folks. I'm exhausted!

I want to sincerely thank you for all the help you’ve given me after being in a very long term, narcissistic relationship, where I barely survived to meeting someone after more than 13 years; and again a narcissist. Mental and physical pain or a really long term effect after encountering the narcissist

RE: The narcissist and conscientiousness-Once my ex’s fellowship funding ran out for his graduate studies, was he inclined to go out and get a job? No, he was inclined to go to a writers retreat for a year while I was supposed to stay home and hold down the fort.

Thank you for the hug. I needed that. Hugs back to you😊

Being introverted and agreeable but also raised to be conscientious I had to take my life back and not to be an easy target to narcissists partners, that’s why I never got married and I deliberately chose a kind of solitary life but still I’m enjoying arts, intellectual communication and friendship. Time is also a great healer and a great teacher too.

You are just adorable! Thank you for the work you do; your videos have helped me to hang on to my sanity. I'm 3 weeks into no contact and I find that I'm getting back to my happy enthusiastic self. My co-workers noticed a difference- I have you to thank Dr. Rameni

This is what I needed to hear this morning.

This was the best video yet. Thank you so much!!!

This might have been, for me, your best and most informative video to date. I spent all day feeling miserable due to a negative interaction with my narcissistic ex. This made things so clear. Thank you.

Lmao! "...unless it gets to be sooo open that it gets weird, and that can happen...like a very extreme alternative lifestyle thing, and if both people are down with that, and it's consensual, then good for them. They found each other." "It's the that's-cool people." Your humor flows effortlessly, and laughter is like sunshine. You're bringing light into places that are otherwise dark. You've reminded me of a very important part of myself. My sense of humor. Though introverted, I had a tight group of friends throughout my schooldays and up until I was overwhelmed by my narcissist-enabler appointed/coerced caregiver role. (exploitation). The timing disgusting. Just as I was making my way into life, joyfully, freely, and confident for the first time that I was capable of creating myself and a life I would be happy living. He never encouraged my dreams, so when he saw that I was succeeding, a full-time straight A student, with a part time job, and a full time job taking care of him. I wondered why he didn't respect me. It was incongruent with his nature, as he presented, "Dad, I'm going to write a paper and can't be distracted, so if you need anything, please let me know now." I think it was a power trip, ammusing, and a way for him to test my limit. There were no boundaries, just "respect." I wish I darted. As a late teen, the task of caring for an adult, who refused to be bothered to arrange his own care; he was above that. I was under 5 when his demands I believed were supposed to be my priority. These girls tried like hell to revive the friend they lost, but I became too depressed, and slowly retreated from what mattered to me. The fact that you can bring some light into a very dark place is a beautiful thing. Thank you for your continued work and dedication something new. How you've made all of these connections

Oh Dr. Ramani, I would love to talk to 😊you in a coffee shop.

This was fascinating! I can see how this relationship has changed my personality.

Too nice to kind makes you vulnerable 😮

In other words INFJs falling for NPDs

NOW I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL! Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!❤

You are absolutely beautiful. I'm an introvert, I love your videos. Have a great day pretty lady 😍💕💕

Yessss 💯 rather high extrovert (agreeable) here. I'm an open book and boy does that makes me vulnerable. It took me years to get back to my upbeat self after the narcissists in my life toned me down so much, but I refuse to close myself up. It's just against my personality. Thank you for that bit Dr. Ramini. It made me very happy 😊 and it indeed shakes my world view each time I encounter a narcissist. But I got quicker in cutting them out and thanks to learning about grey rocking, I know how to do it carefully.

Narcissists exploit the Golden Rule to the max! Being an agreeable, forgiving person, who's gone out of my way at times to help someone, I didn't realize that my personality has caused me to be the perfect target for the narcissist. I've been used and hurt way too many times!

Spot On! Thank you. I really needed this today. Open, agreeable, conscious, mildly introverted & mid to low neuroticism. Mostly at peace with myself if I catch the ruminations quickly

Thank you.that was such an interesting cross view of personalities.

A reminder that INTROVERTS are AMAZING. We are unique and have many strengths.

Thankyou Dr R as ever....just putting it out there ......something I like to say ( in my head mostly but out loud when safe) as self care....."never mistake my civility for forgiveness or forgetfulness "... 😌

Being a jazz lover correlates with higher levels of openness. With my high agreeableness added to that everything falls into a right place, like a puzzle. Thanks for the clarification in this great video.

WOW… this really spoke to me! I hope I can find the old me…

Even if you try to get a narcissist to smile, they won't budge

Thank you

Thank you, doctor ramney, you are golden.❤❤

Well, this one was made for me. Thank you for explaining my adult life to me Dr. Ramani. Now, it's making way more sense.

Narc would hide masterfully behind on their extroverted personality . They devalue others and excused all bad behaviors and abuse that had inflicted on others on being extroverted as well.

Dr Ramani do you have any videos on how to begin the healing process? Realizing in adulthood you were raised by a narcissist, the grieving and healing. Thank you.

Thank you Dr Ramani, going through this now with my Landlord and her Family! Im too agreeable, and this current situation has helped me to set much better boundaries for myself💕💕

So true and what I experienced is more arguing because I didn't know anything about Narcissistic Individuals. I never understood why they got upset at my extroverted nature.

Bingo, thanks. That is what I think I am. Great video.

Wow- I scored 75% Agreeableness and 98% Openness -- no wonder I was steamrolled by a narcissist partner.

I make friends easily but when I go to a restaurant for my birthday I just want a nice quiet dinner. I don't want a group of strangers singing to me.

YOU NAILED IT !!!!!!!! I ALMOST CHOKED WHEN YOU STARTED TALKING ABOUT THIS IM AGREEABLENESS SCORED IN THE HIGH RANGE AND MY PARTNER IS HIGH IN ANTAGONISTIC

I am such an introvert. I lead in my career; however, it's exhausting. When I leave work and go home, I'm wiped out. I need quiet to unwind and recharge. But I love going out to dinner, movies, walks, and small get together with friends. We are strong, quiet, resilient, and a rock.

Though I have heard most of these before - I need reminders of what left me vulnerable to the vulnerable narc, its good to rewatch this, just to remember where I was, and where I am now, and how I need to keep looking forward and learn from those things. I appreciate the knowledge I've gained through your videos and books.

Thanks for covering the Big 5. I always wondered how psychologists would use this classification.

I was/am the agreeable personality type The fixer, the cook, the cleaner Consoling any family member who was narcissisticly abused by either parent I was confident & liked to socialise while getting involved with nex at a very young age That aspect of my personality came to an abrupt ending while experiencing DV "Blood in the water" for grandiose malignant narcissist The flashbacks, panic attacks & nightmares that occurred a couple of years ago have changed me I do not socialise. I would come home exhausted I have learned a lot 41:49 through this KZfaq channel & I am eternally grateful to now just enjoy my own company & enjoy solitude I love my quiet life post the numerous rageful rants & demands that were expected from "Satan on legs" I owe you my sanity & my serenity Thank you

I love you Dr Ramani. Thank you

So I guess anyone with PTSD or CPSD would be neurotic. How can you survive an upbringing by an abusive, neglectful mother and then a marriage of someone who was physically abusive without havingthe traits of neuroticism? If I was not constantly aware and have my guard up in my marriage he would certainly have killed me before I managed a safe way out. (My self doubt was in my inability to safely extricate myself for so long. I never had self blame though) Seven years post divorce and occasionally I have to tell myself "You are safe here" when in my home....just as a reminder when the fears start surfacing.

Could you maybe touch more on covert narc siblings and maybe how they're made as well as what kind or "pulls the trigger" around time of emergence? Pleeeeeeease. Thanks Dr ramani. You're amazing and I'm addicted to watching all videos since realizing my sis is a covert narc with NPD!

Agreeableness, openness, yes, that's me, and was married to a narc. At the age of 72, at last, I understand myself more! Thank you very much for opening my eyes! ❤❤❤

I have listened to dozens of your video talks in an attempt to understand the disorder and also to understand my involvement with a relationship where narcissism emerged extreme and full blown after many years of stability, with only narcissistic traits that I would consider within the range of normal. It is a separate story how the aging process and situational crisis. Triggered the descent from covert to malignantnarcissism. But my comments here andn what really impressed me is this particular talk helped me to understand myself and explain my agreeableness in such detail and with such precision that for the first time I understand how this could occur in my life. I am a professional involved in academic research and this particular video you speak with a direct and even blunt tone that lens both clarity and credibility... What I'm trying to say is you really crystallize the personality type and approach to love and life that you described as the agreeable person.... I also like very much your reference to opennes, rather than "open to new experience".... With this new and novel understanding I feel very much more at ease about how I got into this situation and how to proceed in the coming days. And your point about invalidation deserves to be underscored. That is a real teachable point

Because of You and Jordan Peterson , I did the tests a few years ago . Born to two narcissists. In poverty. Educationally ... dropped out until adulthood. Did a degree and took up teaching. Travelled ect. I was shocked to see test results . INFJT with an IQ of 135. Yep ! Messed up ay lol 😆👍 I fear I found out to late . Love you lady . I've spent last two years learning guitar .. cOvid hobbie, learn it ! It's awesome🎸🎵🎶💗

Very informative and helpful! Thank you.

Im an extrovert, studied like a fly by the spider, trapped me, became so agreeable to hand over my salary, forgo my love of nature, begged for anpiece of garden to grow tomatoes and veg, denied and would have had to changed to so many demands with us getting married. Somehting triggered a good conversation and called me a number names using intimate information making me feel so worthless. So self righteous and covert narcissim over the years which i ignored. Thankfully, rhe mask fell of hiw I was going to be treated and im on a healing road. I was losing my smile and heart happiness.

Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤👍

I just realized I have all five qualities that make me attractive to narcissists, to one extent or another. Thank you for this enlightening video, Dr. Ramani. This information helps me in self awareness. Being on the autism spectrum on top of all these traits, I can be like a fish in a barrel being caught by an expert angler. Not as much now!

Happy Sunday ❤

My Narc ruined my Extroversion but Im coming back.

Love you Doc. Thank you