Replace the relationship with peace and well being. Replace the narc with self care .

Healing means forgiving yourself and letting go of the emotional and spiritual ties to this person. Separation and elevation. Rebuilding your self-esteem and practicing self-love.

I’m a male in my early 30s. Was in a 8 year relationship, engaged 6 months and was going to marry in 8 months. I found your channel by what feels like a miracle. I called off the wedding and broke off the the narcissistic relationship thanks to your advise. Knowing why I was feeling how I was feeling was so empowering. Thank you and just want you to know you saved a life…well probably thousands and thousands at this point.

They suck the life out of you - out of entire families. You're advised to "set boundaries " - that only amps up the abuse AND THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING. I am so sick of the denial around this. These people aren't simply "toxic". They are destroyers. God bless you Dr. Ramani.

Narcissists are truly terrible these films have saved my mind

For me radical acceptance is not forgiveness. It is letting go of whatever I thought it was and moving on.

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

I love the introducing ourselves to ourselves again.I was with a malignant from ages 15 to 55. Am 70 now. Have painted every damn square inch of MY house and furniture. And u know what? People started calling me an artist.

I do struggle with being the bad person in my relationship. As a woman, you are taught to forgive, swallow, look the other way, devalue your own wants and needs, and put your husband/family first. My break from the narcissist has created a lot of conflict inside of me as I do feel like I’m the one who is breaking up our family. I have days where I think if I could just endure it a little bit longer everything will be fine. That’s the cost of hope though, my mental and physical sanity. I have to remember the narcissist cannot and will not change.

When it comes to healing from a narcissistic relationship it’s like finding light in a dark storm. It’s a tough journey, but with time and support, you can come out stronger than ever before.

Saving the old texts the narc sent has been a great way of not contacting when I feel empathy for them.

I had no idea about this until a narc turned my life upside down. 6 months of pure hell. They left today, thank God. I don't think I'd be alive if it had continued.

He ended the relationship but got upset and slammed the door behind me when I left because I didn't beg and cry. I just calmly walked away.

Writing your story down is such sound advice. When we want so badly for it to have been different than it actually was, it makes us more prone to forgetting how bad it actually was. In moments of doubt, remembering keeps us safe. I resorted to recording a lot of rants and rages. Not to show others, though that may have saved me some family relationships, but so I would never forget how serious the abuse really was. Watching them from time to time has helped me maintain no-contact.

I can never thank you enough for all those words. Doctor Ramani, I know you saved a lot of lives! The little girl with braids can be so proud of herself. Thank her for having the courage to talk out loud

When ruminating about this relationship, I can't believe that i 'went along' with Mr. Narc's abuse behavior towards me! I feel ashamed of myself that I 'let' him treat me that way. I just wanted to be 'wanted' and loved but it doesn't excuse his horrid treatment. I am trying to heal and forgive myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and your book! xoxo

Dr. Ramani, you have been my teacher and mentor for a couple of years. And you still help me navigate my healing journey out of narcissist abuse. Because of your teaching, I am learning to like and even love myself again. The world needs you, and I send my love and respect your way!

😢😢😢😢😢💜💜💜💜💜Sending Love to all those having a hard time getting out. Be blessed and be a blessing!!

Serenity Prayer God grant me SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference.

BRAVO!!!! So needed!!! Im 97% detached from my dirtbag oppressor and I've filed for divorce and moving into my new place in 3 weeks!!! Im so ready to kick him to the curb. You saved my life Dr Ramani!!!!

I would love it if you did a video on narcissistic adults within the school systems that prey on kids. Its extremely relevant in today's world.

Introverts rock and roll. ❤

I've had to learn how to stand up for myself, which feels so counterintuitive.

Yes, I had a terrible childhood and thought it was normal for a while until I got older and went to friends or cousins houses to find out their parents didn’t treat them the way my mother treated me. She truly damaged me… and I had to watch her damage my two younger sisters. This was was more painful to me that what she did to me. I’m letting it go now , she died in 2016. She still wasn’t a proper mother. I did love her but, a psychiatrist said once that I didn’t love her but, I did. All I can do is let go - at my age of 72.

Knowledge ❤ Wisdom to Radically ACCEPT❤ Autonomy ❤ Heal ❤Thrive

Hardest part is trauma bond and cognitive dissonance, also since self esteem was also attacked you are never sure about the future with someone else.. all three things needs to come together, healing is how much damage was done, how much in love and trauma bond we are in, and to move forward with life just like narcissist does. Gotta dig deep are we co dependant, anxiously attached, empath with no boundaries then fix those along with all the trauma bond, this takes time and lots of self care and a strong will. Stay blessed people, self care will build self esteem and confidence, knowledge will build stronger boundaries and experience you just got will make you aware what to look for in next person.. they can still fool you thats why takes things slowly..

These are golden words -in every sentence you said, Dr. Ramani

Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me to understand that just standing here as my true self has immeasurable meaning and purpose

I didn’t know any different till several years ago after listening to you several others, and realized that what I was going through now is the exact same thing I grew up with. It was just what I knew.

Letting go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The day I sat down & wrote down everything he did & said to me, & then read it back to myself, I cried. I cried because I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do/plan/say to fix the problems he caused in the relationship. At that moment I chose to mourn the relationship...and then I left him. Since then, every day feels a little bit lighter & brighter. And every day I make plans to do fun stuff & meet new (nice) people. I am happier for it.

Healing and love to you all. Eagles are hatching 3 eggs on live tv, BigBear live cam Jackie and Shadow have hatch eggs before. 3 is unusual. Eagles soaring in the sunshine, bringing healing. Thank you drRamani; Your healing is spreading far and wide!

48. years of abuse from my family. I am 12 days into no contact. They probably haven’t even noticed since they were giving me the silent treatment.

I am very introverted myself and I understand where you’re coming from. When you talk about the cat the TV and the couch I work in retail and when I get off work, I come home and I close the door behind me and let the world pass like having alone time, I don’t wanna be alone the rest of my life but I do need space and a lot of quiet time

I am in the beginning of no contact with my narc. And boy, do I ever feel like the bad person! I'm definitely an empath, and I have begun radical acceptance, but my guilt over being the bad person is fighting it. I wish I could fast forward through this period. It's so painful to feel this way. Even when I read over some of the crappy texts he has sent, I STILL feel guilty 😢

Dr. Ramani thank you for caring and sharing. Jeremiah 17:14 Lord heal me and I will be healed. Narcissist Melford Morris really is a demon, I have come a long way in my healing journey. Prayers Psalm 54-64🙏🇯🇲

So true, my wisdom filled father always said to me: don’t care what other people think

Yes! Knowing validated me, but letting go is healing me! And yes, it's challenging...it was "normal" to me because I was the scapegoat of a narc mom, then unwittingly married (42 yrs) a narc man. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, tried counseling, groups, books, looked high & low for answers, tried to love more, be better....then, finally, at 60 yrs old, I found narcissism. What relief, and grief. Grief of the loss of so many yrs, & worse, the hope of change. Thank you, & by the way, knowledge & radical acceptance is exactly what I needed to start healing!

Dr Ramani .... You are my surrogate Mother. 14 yrs an orphan and i eventually feel so close to her as I know she sits with me listening to you , and everything you describe , was her husband , my dad . Last thing she said was, I feel sorry for you having to deal with him on your own once I've gone. I'm 48 this year.

I needed to hear this! I’m currently in the process of healing after leaving my husband and I am in the middle of reading your book. Thank you so much for all you do!

Yes. I walked away. Tired of being screamed at, told to flush my psych meds, to drink wine and being asked for money every other day. I can’t believe I even put up with it for 3 months. I’m feeling sad and my mind is trying to gaslight me into being the bad person and taking the blame for how others behaved. “Maybe I’m just weak”, “Maybe it’s just a bad day” blah blah blah NO! I’m done! I don’t deserve it and I never did. I’m not perfect by any means, and I can even be an asshole, but I’m not doing THAT! Live and let live, but they can live away from me and scream at someone “Strong enough” to handle it. Maybe unconditional love isn’t possible after all. Maybe it’s a trap. Not just heavy…my blood pressure became dangerously high engaging with this person. Headaches, anxiety when their name came up on my phone, because they demanded a great deal of time daily. Hours. No. Done. Over it. Sorry not sorry.

I'm not reading that book no less than 20x. I will never again put myself or my children through this. Amazing what having kids will force a parent to deal with for them. Thank you, and God bless.

I just bought your new book! I reached radical acceptance in 2009 after a 30 year marriage. I quit trying to make it better for his constant unhappiness. His mantra was “I’m miserable and it’s all your fault.” I gave up. We still live in the same house, but I decided I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do; going somewhere with him was awful because he used the no-escape car trip to berate and belittle me. He has stage 4 dementia now, so I have no choice but to hang around until I can place him in a center.

Yes--sick to my stomach for days after walking out during an abusive episode. Got nothing done in my own life those days. Part of my problem, though, was knowing I'd have to re-engage. Can't just dump all of my elderly mother's needs in my sister's lap.

Radical Acceptance is a blessing when we recognize it. Slowly but surely the RA is like a blooming of perennial flowers. They are beautiful in bloom and you can enjoy, but remember they are only there for a season.

Amen! Knowledge is healing in this arena! Thank you for your work!

I know there are so many more horrific things that people are capable of, but I still find it so difficult to believe someone u loved could be so so cruel and heartless. I accept it but I still find it incredulous.

I feel like there is something wrong with me because I dont feel lighter recognizing the narcissism. It makes me angry because i finally realize that I dont deserve this behavior

When you get there, it's awesome! After two years of fighting in divorce court, therapy and your podcast... It hit me when I took my personal items out of my house/prison. The freedom is amazing. ❤

Just keep reminding yourself of all they have done to you and others

I never EVER FELT,THAT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME ,DEFINED WHO I AM!! I AM STRONG AND OF SOUND MIND!! it's a bit of a challenge leaving and not knowing where I am going!!. I don't believe this demon can change ,or do I care to change them!! I have learned to play his game!!

It is funny that I found this link the first thing this morning. Out of curiosity yesterday I googled a former colleague's daughter. I wondered if she had gotten married (hoping she had escaped her mother's influence). The first link that came up was not about the daughter but rather her mother and my former colleagues. I was amazed how fast all the pain of that position washed over me. It brought up feelings I did not even know were there. It was like PTSD. It even spilled into my morning meditation this morning. I really needed to hear this talk today. I clearly have more work to do. Thank you again Dr. Ramini

I've had no choice but to change my personality. Life made me change. I had to stop ppl pleasing. I had to stop caring what ppl think & say about me. I love me way too much for ppl to bring me down. I gave my life to JESUS CHRIST & he gave me a King David attitude, which isn't perfect but strong for righteousness. I try to chase evil ppl away!!

The guilt I feel about cutting off my best friend is agonising - I’m so angry at her and so hurt by her words and actions and just EXHAUSTED by her but I still care so much… even though having her in my life is torture, not having her in my life hurts almost as much

Thanks for sharing. I am noticing that a lot of recent videos have been shifting their emphasis from the games of the Narc to how they impact on the people who are around them, how to break free, to how to heal from having been trauma bonded to an N. It is like an experiential walk through of a process to recognizing what is happening, disengaging from it, and then healing from having been in such a relationship.

Thanks & good job. Psychology has ruined me. I see narcissism/psychopathy everywhere. Don't settle! Break the cycle! We got this!

Thank u so much for this talk, i needed to hear there is no wrong way to heal and I dont have to do anything to prove to the world I am healing❤

It is gaining in freedom. Self sufficieny and resilience. And a dynamic of continued growth.

this one has spoken to me where I am right now. I cannot leave but you answered for me what I still can do and live with and still enjoy what's left of my 84 year life. A great feeling of freedom and peace.

You call it radical acceptance, I call it making up your HEART about it.

Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me to see that I am not the bad person and that self care can be a long process and it can be.

Have experienced soooo much loss this past year. All this information has been greatly appreciated and helped. NOTE: Finding myself now with reality and totally alone except with those next to me in a grocery store on the couple times a month I venture out as Also grieving unexpectedly loss of Husband - the very last part of this video (around 45 min. ) helped. Husband was exceptional in many ways. Sooooo many ways. Sooooooooo many ways that the loss am feeling has been so great and scary? The last part of this video has given me some tools how I might be able to reframe my way of Being and baby steps can take to climb up and become active in my life🌺 Thank you for all your work and sharing 🌺❤️🎈

I've been watching Dr. Ramani for months now. I'm starting to feel something akin to normal - not defective. Thank you.

Glad to know that I was correct in deducing that the narc BF was never going to change, and my only option was to get out.

She couldn’t say this any better as a 16 yr old dealing with a narcissist listening to her made me realize the reality

Letting go of anger about the narcissit in the relationship and what they/the relationship did to you.... Without it, you risk perpetuating the experience of relationship in your mind, although physical contact no longer exists

There’s no way I can tell you how much I needed this today.❤❤❤

13:38 something lifts. Something moves on she’s absolutely right. I live through 20 years as a kid growing up not understanding. I am at 30 years in a marriage and only two or three years ago listening to other people, but it really took Dr. Romani breaking it down and making me understandfor my aha moments. I’ve listened to countless others and many that have come online since and the pain is real. I regain my life.

This is such a powerful message! Even the thought of Finding meaning and purpose and finding the happy me existed before the marriage was a heavy thought/ burden. Thank you for simplifying it and showing that it is doable if we don’t overburden ourselves by carrying all unnecessary excess baggage🙏🙏

Excellent Dr Ramani...Full of content & value. Many years wasted. Remember: 'I Am Enough' 💪🌟💎💖 xXx

I honestly can't quite tell if my partner is a full narc or just has many of the toxic traits, but I find that this advice helps a lot in any case. Love and light to you all. ❤

I wouldn't say I feel 'lighter' now. I'd say I feel more empty now that I have achieved radical acceptance. But really it's the same difference.

Now I am going to watch and listen on TV. Have a blessed day.

Thank you, Dr. Ramni I watch your videos a lot and I do appreciate your input. The thing that I struggle with with my ex and understand it’s been over two years is the fact that with the new supply they do all kinds of activities with them, they go places concerts, the parks, comedy clubs, you name it. They’re doing it when I was with the narc we did nothing, for some reason that just really gets under my skin so bad and thank God this relationship only lasted six months that’s really all I could stomach so I hear people say well the new supplies going to get the same treatment you got well I don’t see any evidence of this, but of course I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors either I do know that a narcissist is different when they get you home than how they treat you in public so I still struggle with triggers however, I will say I am much better than I used to be but I’m gonna keep going to therapy and talking to people and doing things to make me happy again I do appreciate you ma’am

Exactly. It's never taught or talked about. I didn't know what was happening. The constant theme of my life "It's all my fault". Yup, abuse was normalized & set the stage for the abusive relationships I got into.

You got it right, money is his blanket

Crazy it is like you’re reading my mind ! It's comforting to know that I have not losing my mind. Very helpful thank you.

I’ve been needed to deal with my ptsd, it’s causeinf blocks in my growth. Knowing to take care of myself is huge. Knowing the high percentage of how they will not get better or change makes me feel strong with closing the door. My parents were like this they would not change they couldn’t change. I am not at fault. This is a common current mantra lately. I would like to say this in a positive sentence. I am doing all I can, I am doing great. Take a second to accept and appreciate all that we do, how we handle to situations. Thanks Dr Ramni for all your light you have shed💡🔦☀️🌞🌅🌄🌇

I listen read and write daily. I learn daily. Recovery healing and growth is so important. I never want to not know or not understand. Knowledge and information and education are of paramount importance to me Thank you for your incredibly input into my life daily. I'm so grateful to you

Dear Ramani Durvasula. 1st I was getting very annoyed with this video you made, considered switching it off at about 30 minutes, but thankfully watched it to the end. I really appreciate what you've done here and what you showed of your own journey. Your a rare beauty 🙏

Narcissist person is a not easy person. Thanks

I'm continually positively-astounded at your ability to see and articulate so clearly with so many spot-on and helpful examples, Dr. Ramani. Thank you.

Thank you for your help. I have adopted your method. I tell myself that I do what I do in the house is for me, not for recognition, but I am being me. It's hard, and everyday I remind myself. We watched a documentary last night, the partner was saying nasty things,my partner was sanctimonious as usual. How awful to say that etc. I reminded her of how many times she said she wouldn't care if I dried. She claimed it was a joke and I m playing the victim. I just gave a kiss goodnight and laughed. Yes it hurts, but I will never let her see that. We are a female couple

gifted your amazing book twice! 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

"There is no failing in healing"... Feel like I want to shout this from the rooftops! I think that this misconception that there is a wrong way to heal is just part of victim blaming. I've even experienced it from other survivors. It's like they project their own process or their own guilt about it on you. Victim blaming can be so harmful and even done by therapists when they have no patience and grace for you and treat you like you should be coping like a healthy person. But then they do come with all the labels of trauma bonding etc. and expect you to immediately be helped by it. I felt very defensive about these kind of things because I always felt judged with every label. Now I understand that it is actually just completely normal after what I've been through to struggle letting go and feeling the guilt etc. And also to feel defensive and triggered when people talk about these things. Thank you dr. Ramani for being so understanding and patient with us, but still showing us how to heal!

Thank you so much Dr Ramani. Your videos have helped me so much. Never really looked into this topic, as it wasn't part of my life, til my last relationship. The whole playbook.... it blows my mind. Thank you ❤

Thank you Dr Ramani’s team for posting content every day. You guys must be so tired with all the book promotions. Just wanted to take a moment to thank the team behind Dr Ramani, we appreciate you all so much. ❤

The pressure to "find meaning" in an external way can be especially difficult for those of us who had a narcissistic parent who was also a leader in a fundamentalist Evangelical Christian cult environment. There is so much emphasis on selflessness and giving one's life to God and worth is measured by perfection in terms of morals as well as the service you will sacrifice yourself doing in order to change the world. When you have the combined pressure and abuse of a religious system and a narcissistic parent who is an admired leader in that system healing seems like such a a steep hill to climb. Dr. Ramani, with all of the stuff coming out about cults like the ones the Duggers (19 kids and Counting) are involved in, maybe you could do some videos about narcissism in these systems? That would be so great! I would lo

I had to radically accept illegal activies and horrible treatment from family and friends within a 3 mth period. It was a hard pill to swallow and let go of. It got better with time and bc of the validation I received from Dr. Romani and other doctors. Thank you is all I can say Dr. Ramini.

I wish to God I could talk to you privately. I just want to thank you for all your work and help to all of us! You're most definitely an ANGEL!! THANK YOU so much for all you do! I'm so thankful for you!

You’ve been there! Your wisdom comes from pain and experience. That automatically makes me listen to you. You’ve been in the arena. Thank you for explaining the self-damage we do to ourselves.

It has been about 5 years now since my diagnosis of PTSD (CPTSD). I am pretty much at this point now after 50 plus years of pondering the subject of the relationship.

Oh my word. I did feel so hopeless so stuck. Shocked at times that just shut down and cried. Felt it was me. Thank you Dr Ramani listening to many of your podcasts i m seeing light at end of long tunnel.

Dr Ramani ty so much for your videos and free time I wish I could pay to see you😊 your in my ear all day today 🎉

I am so grateful to be myself and for your videos that give me permission to live my purpose!! Being me and freedom from abusive people! Thank you thank you 🙏 ❤

Love,love,love this most necessary reminder that surviving and eventually thriving is a process worth striving toward and managing the seemingly endless grieving is possible! Learning to Let Go of so much while helping offspring navigate the collateral damage is an interesting journey. Thank you for your always timely encouragement Dr. Ramani! Congratulations again on finally getting to wear that “purple dress”!It is most beautifully fitting!❤️

I’m in the meaning and purpose part of my healing journey and I definitely needed the reminder that it’s ok to not go do something really big and to just focus on living an authentic, little life. Thanks Dr Ramani.

All your 'excerpts' from some of these videos of yours, Dr. Ramini, were "Right on Point" for me today. Upticked, uplifted & self survival 'good' mood mode 💯

Thank you so much for your research and being compelled to share. You are helping heal people that may be the most empathetic caring people of all. That's why we were chosen. People so loyal and dedicated they help on through horrible things that anyone else would have not. I say these things only because I praise you in this. My husband diagnosed ASPD in prison. Thought enough love would cure all. 20 year marriage to follow. Trama Bonded and Betrayl Trama. Went through hell. Still he'll getting over it. Thank you again.

Not anymore 😊

What a gift to humanity you are Dr Ramani.