its just work

I have chlamydia And you might too The computers were programmed By the guy who made Pro Skater 2.

Is that a bug or a feature? Yes - Bethesda

Brian C hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe. My parents thought I was going to choke when laughing so hard at this joke.

It JUST works.

I dunno. More than any lover Tom might speak about, I still feel like the most personal moment was when Tom burned his hoodie.

@@MarkChimes yes. :)

@@p1rgit what's cringy in the ballad of mad capn tom?

@@olivesantos1840 I think it's just a general statement about people going into politics. It's... not completely unfair, but that's not really cringy in the story.

@@MarkChimes excuse me but which video is this?

😂😂😇

bruh hahaha

_ Sir, why are you carrying a fireaxe?

Why are you prepending with underscores?

@@encycl07pedia- Its better then Scott: I'm here because of the results Clinic Emploee: But sir, you could have just called! Scott: I did, and thats why im here. Show me the server room

Well It could be for crying out loud Or for Pete's sake Or for all things good and holy

@@comit8077Then it wouldn't be censored.

@@TrulySpeechless Be censored everything above.

For f***s sake.... That's probably how it would have happened, yes.

Oh for f***s sake is about the most British phrase ever.

Huh. That's really positive news

"Hello, Tom, your negative result is positive. However please note an added negative; you are HIV positive.

@@musicalneptunian oh dear

I got tested for hiv but luckily the results came back 100% positive.

HIV Aladeen

+

1 thousandth like

Contrary to the beliefs of some, software engineers do have sex lives, especially emotionally and cognitively intelligent software engineers, who treat their partners with care and respect. They can actually be quite active, especially in cities like San Francisco, where it's easy for it to seem that the overlap between the sex and tech scenes is nearly universal… until some garage geek from the suburbs gets excited about a subway billboard about syphilis testing.

Mik Scheper Touchy, are we?

+

Considering his knowledge of computers it was almost a shock to learn that this particular attribute was not NULL.

I'm offended, personally

i hate this knowledge so much

AHHHHHH why did you make me visualize that?!?! Why Tom in a blue shirt AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS AWFUL

@@kwibloupthesomething "oh no, this person had sex" lmao

Makes sense

And only 7 lines in your code You have too.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

For me they’ll always be a misspelled word

;

If you tell them in a video its even better!

Clap is actually a colloquial euphemism for gonorrhea, not chlamydia.

Not bad Chris, but Gonorrhea is "the clap" and not Chlamydia.

@@frankdantuono2594 Yep. An sti. My jokes are rarely all that complex. (Also, my name is Evan, not Chris). :)

Gonorrhea, chlamydia, who cares? what's the difference? The reply was still witty and funny

I mean, I didn't consider the possibility until now.

After this he's going to make a phone call "Carol, see, I don't have Chlamydia!"

My name is Jack and I do not have Chlamydia

@@jackbauer5386 My name is also Jack, and I also, do not have Chlamydia

Or to tell the world he's not a virgin ;)

Condoms reduce risk but are not 100% effective against Chlamydia. Get tested and get tested often.

@@bob53135 It took me a wee second to think what the comment was you were replying too. I was thinking "er, ok then".

@@notdaveschannel9843 a wee second

Got a vasectomy for a reason...

Also about B: He said he got a text message from an ex girlfriend. You are not always using a condome in a relationship.

honestly a terrifying thought

If that's what you want to take from this, then sure

That actually shocked me to hear... Sorry, tom

Apparently the audience of extremely online nerds was not ready for something this extreme

@@heynyquildriver Agreed

Why are the fallout 76 patch notes here?

lmaooo underrated comment

@@KitKatHexe nonono. The patch notes on Bethesda games looks like this -tweaked feature that allowed... -removed feature that prevented player from... -added three features for open beta patch.

@@SonsOfLorgar it took me a while to understand this.

Updated localization files

**Learning** (Using "Leaning" leads to a syntax error.)

@@Rationalific Someone has poor variable naming practices.

I'm going to say the n word

Learning to code. You made a mistake there. This message was supposed to be for the masses.

Programming is easier than you think. Take this udemy course

-sammyclassicsonicfan

I just press buttons until the thing I want happens

Preach!

Yes. In my brief experience accuracy should always be sacrificed to speed.

As a developer with over 25 years of professional experience (and almost 40 in all), my experience is that a depressingly large percentage of developers are indeed incompetent clowns.

@@Isaac-eh6uu No.

*ARDUINO* wants to know your location

wow

wow

That’s Aammoorree

wow

I found the more "natural" your code is, the less edge cases you have. Natural being decoupled mechanisms that are not cross dependent on each other

Douglas Adam’s once said When designing something foolproof, one must not underestimate the ingenuity of absolute fools

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Guys, I think I've found a job.. "Program foolery tester"

IBM: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damned-fool proof.

What's worse is when idiot programmers decide error codes are a good idea after 1980. Error code: 123984JRH. You have to search it. Oh, this means you may have one of ten different issues! Netflix is one of those. Just tell people the actual error. And don't get me started on the error messages that are just plain wrong. It's infuriating as a programmer when you fix the problem stated in the error message and get the same error message because the monkey who designed it was too myopic to see any cases where something else could cause that error to occur. Those are arguably worse than just sitting and waiting on an error code that may never come (looking at you, noscript-less pages).

As a customer, I'm perfectly fine with reporting an authorization error instead of no balance. It's already embarrassing, I don't really want to let everyone know that I'm broke.

@@encycl07pedia- errorcodes are a means of abstracting the error from the receiver. I can't tell you, the customer, the same data that i, the developer, need to investigate the error. Instead i drop you an error number and a time, and at the same timestamp my application logs show me a program-state-dump i can use to dig in. Were i to show you that state-dump i would open the application to various attacks and vulnerabilities from the outside

​@@hovnocuc4551 I agree that it shouldn't say you don't have enough money; but it should be more clear on the other stuff: - Can't read the chip. - Card is out of date. - PIN code is wrong. But to be fair, most people who don't have enough money on the card usually have the money on a separate account or have cash. You shouldn't have all your money available on your card.

Reminds me back in the time, when I wrote a program in VB6. I wrote a neat readme and down in "Troubleshooting" I told about an error, which only appears when you don't have the VB runtime installed. Yet, I got a mail asking, what this error number meant.

Nope.

"lovely"

3 days ago?

Woah it's uploaded today and this comment is posted 3 days ago

Your travelled back in time 3 days ago

@@defaultmesh Tom just wanted everyone to know he was First!!!

And (edited) too hmmmm 🤔

That code has no effect. You either forgot to assign a value or call a function with ()

@@Henrix1998 get a life :)

@@Henrix1998 It is a macro

If we're going to nitpick code, in most non-scripting languages, strings cannot be checked for equality. Instead, you need a function that compares two strings character by character. Although the function call could be syntactically hidden by operator overloading. It's likely, though, that phone system programming does use scripting languages, aimed as they are at easy use by non-programmers.

@@Henrix1998 Also "Then" (+ "end") and {}

Me too!

+

+

+

+

+

Another possibility is that the programmers know about the bug and its on their list of things to fix but they are too busy trying to implement extra "features" that the committee have come up with after the system went live.

Nope, it'll been a large budget because it's govt work, and most of the money will be soaked up by huge amounts of paperwork 'proving that no taxpayers money has been wasted'. This sort of thing is incredibly common for govt contracts so that there's the appearance of transparency and as many people have a finger in the pie so they can use a successful project as promotion fodder.

The most likely cause was this: The lab Tech knows that if you fill a non existent field as positive the Call center will glitch out.. Or the system needs a perfectly normal address. Were one field to be left blank, the system glitches.. As we all know it is not possible to program for all possibilities.. One can only aim for the most likely! And hope, for the best.

@@marlonlacert8133 so the key is to incentivize people to come in and break your system?

@@garrettk7166, Some people break code with the desire to help.. However, almost all code has holes.. I have seen where a patch made more holes than there were before... And one need not "incentivize people". As people will do so, just by being people... Actually you cannot stop people from breaking the system. But you can give positive feedback for when people report a bug..

but it would be a lie... surely not something a clinic wants to be known for

@NotYourGreatestPlan weird mix of python and javascript

@@garrybogdanho It can be python. Console is text to speech library and log is speaking function

@@adamrezabek9469 Wasn't it just print "You have Chlamydia!" in Python?

@@theramendutchman if result == "true": print('Congratulations, you have Chlamydia')

@@aadisahni Well yes that too

There's got to be more than one Tom Scott out there

Plot twist: that code was written by his ex.

The fact that there is an unclosed inverted comma is painful

@@davidcox2459 There would need to be an AND clause in that case comparing his unique patientId

@@R2Cv1 which unclosed inverted comma?

Woah

Woah

Woah

Woah

Did they also change the IDE font to Hobo Std?

Taliias Why isn’t this the most upvoted comment?

Amazing comment

@@gustavomaganalopez6427 learn c++ then come back

Never do that

And now I'm gonna erase my post saying the same thing.

IMO, handling errors well is one of the most difficult aspects of programming. My rule of thumb is: individual messages / solutions for "business domain" problems that the user can understand ("The selected seat has been reserved by someone else in the meantime. We have updated your seating plan, please try again."), one general message / solution for technical problems like database trouble or unreachable services or anything else not in the user's domain ("Your reservation could not be processed due to a technical problem. We have already been automatically informed about the issue. Please try again at a later time.") Assuming a typical logging mechanism is in place, technical problems should always be internally logged as errors with internal details of what went wrong, so that the system operator can be notified and so that programmers can figure out the issue. Business domain problems should not usually be logged above info level because they don't indicate that the system is malfunctioning, so they would just create noise for the system operator to sift through and ignore. In the system Tom describes there was apparently a general solution for technical problems and it was even a sensible one (the system didn't just e.g. tell him there was an error and hang up, though that would have been easier on people's nerves). The only issue is that it initially looks to the caller like the "bad news" case.

How's this: if (positive) { //sucks to be you announce(callTransfer); call.transferToRealPerson; } else if (negative) { announce(resultsNegative); call.hangUp; } else { announce(oopsieDoopsie); call.transferToRealPerson; KZfaq.subscribe("PewDiePie"); //I am doing my part! }

Indomitus: One thousand times YES. But since the error handling involves transferring them to a human, be generic. What you suggested sounds great.

@@MedoFortyTwo : A huge gaffe in the system that Tom used was it's saying something like ''Here are your results" when it was not ready to give the results.

we're forever a sad and desperate fandom

Test yourself anyways, who knows where that filthy hand you're seeing has been...

To add on @@BalthorYT their statement; STDs come from someone and might also spread through non-sexual means. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're safe, necessarily.

@@theramendutchman i think that person's statement was a joke mate

@@martinszymanski2607 Even then, it's important to educate people on STDs and the ways they can be transmitted.

@@theramendutchman It almost certainly does though

But they often use far too diciplined testers

That would be a really good way of handling it

But then people would get used to hearing "I can't find your result" and assume it's bad news, so the situation would play out exactly the same anyway.

@@zyill well no they wouldn't because a large amount of the time it would be an actual glitch

Exactly, IMO this is 100% a feature, not a bug. If the computer only puts you through to a human to give bad news, well then when it says "I'm putting you through to a human" it just DID tell you the bad news. In contrast if it has a chance of just giving ANYONE the human operator, well now who knows?

Also possible: The devs actually coded hundreds of specific edge cases that lead to different response ids/audio but doesn't actually supply the audio directly because of the need for possibly hundreds of different national/regional preferences for wording and/or performing the actual voiced responses themselves, and some bright spark on the other end decided, while implementing, that they could save pennies on voice talent by just rolling response 1 through 20 into one vague catchall response.

Good.

BURN

Oh no

*Tom Scott Rule 34*

@@user-ug1cu6sw8g GET OUT OF MY HEAD

America encountering a deadly global pandemic: "Hold my beer"

What scumbag would leave Tom?

@@shay.w.5812 Someone who almost gave Tommyboy here the clap.

@@shay.w.5812 you don't know any of those people, let them alone

Good people can still be incompatible, or just have different goals or not meet at the right time.

@@LostieTrekieTechie no, you clown

I agree. Seems like it should be a relatively simple recording and implementation, and if it happens enough that the employees call it normal, it's worth fixing (even if it was somewhere that wasn't a health clinic)

Now I want to do that...

Ten points!

Out of date food with foreign cooking instructions on ...

Wait, I thought Lyme disease was made up?

GigawingsVideo no it’s a big disease where I live in Upstate New York. It’s mainly transmitted by deer ticks and it’s quite dangerous if you don’t detect it.

@@GigawingsVideo Lyme is a disease that is basically eradicated in the modern world. It's still around in the USA. You might be confusing it with Ligma, which is a made up disease which is part of an immature joke.

@@lforlight Nope Lyme disease is world wide. Just google it.

@@lforlight Sorry I mistaken Lyme disease with Lynks disease from horror series _This house has people in it_

Why talk to the manager when you can make money

Mostly it's not the case of not knowing what to do, but not having the resources to do what you know should be done. That, and an engineering knowledge that peppering your code with handling of "almost impossible" error scenarios (of which there's always plenty) won't make life easier for the maintainers and may by itself introduce hard to understand bugs.

@@clray123 Sure, its impossible to write code that handles every possible situation, and there is usually only time and resources to handle likely situations. But it is possible to have a final, ultimate fall-back error handler that at the very least logs the "almost impossible" occurrence and alerts someone (or something) outside of the system as to what has happened.

@@DerekHohls That single "fall-back error handler" is in fact the only "error handler" you need, apart from the "retry and hope for the best" error handler.

A surprise to be sure but a welcome one

Even Tom Scott is getting laid 😞

Plot twist: the text was from his mum

@NotYourGreatestPlan 20 mins later: *ww3 starts*

Watching this while programming a game for a school project was not fun

*From _a_ future. But I still agree with you, perhaps time for a new password to celebrate the future in 2019. EDIT formatting is hard _:(_

Try dashlane

The king of random reference ?

@@00O3O1B cheers dude, helpful tip - i just installd it then :)

@@00O3O1B I was a bit scared that I'll have to change my password manager until I read that Keepass is fine.

That's what I dipped into the comments to say, i.e. the alleged programming error has the effect of keeping uncertainty (and hope) alive until there's definitely a human available to talk. Thank you for being onto it already.

So that might be intentional design to pass through people more often? So you can't be sure? They might need to crank up that value more if that's the case.

Just mildly?

Why tho?

@@aliveslice they feel attacked about the fact that a nerd is actually getting some and living a life outside the internet :P

@@zen608 yup

There's still Scott the Woz

Sounds possible - especially as people may have follow up concerns so having occasional calls forwarded to specialist nurses might help catch health trends sooner (or just act as a blind control on whether the system/model works - ie if more aftercare, support, etc is needed)

Why you're not higher in the comments? That was my thought too

@@NFMorley I have a feeling that a random sampling sent on purpose to humans would not have experienced the absurd pause Tom got on the line, though. (And I don't know how the system usually works; I'm not in the UK. Maybe there actually is a lengthy pause for everyone.)

I was thinking that too - if every single negative result puts you through to a human and every single positive result doesn't, then there's no difference in having the machine announce you failed the test.

Came to look through the comments to see if anyone else had this same thought. If this is what’s happening, there should be more information given to people saying so. Leaving that out only decreases the effectiveness of such a design decision. That said, I can see such a change being made after the system was already in place. That’s a recipe for half-baked implementations like this one just to fulfill the new requirements and nothing more. This kind of “fix” might even be as simple as changing some numbers or clicking a checkbox. If that’s the case, I can see why no further effort would have been made to record more informative messages.

Crystal balls don't have edges - they are spherical.

@@rafaelribas1027 The problem is that they are trying to build the crystal ball out of code blocks. They haven't figure out how to get rid of the edges to make it spherical... had they figured it out, they had a crystal ball by now.

@@rafaelribas1027 But what if they did? So the extra check for that edge case where the crystal ball has an edge stays in.

@@Theraot was that 'code blocks' pun intended?

"Oh for fuck's sake", perhaps?

@@Goldy01 fucks sakè

Cheap, they only pick cheap.

@@MazeFrame And fast. They always want it fast. "If I wanted it tomorrow I wouldn't be telling you about it already today!"

@@JimFortune But being fast is just another way of being cheap, as it's less hours to account for (or more "productivity" for those who are salaried).

Yes, pick two and put the other in the "backlog"!

Remove "much" and "about" and it flows much better

​ Sebastian Dyson Roses are red Robots are silly You should be more careful Where you stick your willy

Roses: red; robots: silly --. Be more careful with your willie!

This one wins

Roses are red Robots are silly You ought to be more careful In whomst'd've you stick your willie

Milerski Karen with a K I see

Guess that was his plan in this talk :)

And here I thought Violets were violet.

@@WildBluntHickok gay

of all of the poems of this type I've seen, I feel this one the most. sounds like something coldplay would sing

...where's the irony in that?

Or maybe it's deliberate so that 'you're getting redirected' does not automatically equal 'might as well off yourself' EDIT: Certain websites do it for their passwords. Once in a while they'll reject your good one just to make sure.

or sometimes it's like with Microsoft firing their QE staff

It don't have info and send you to Haman so It kind of work.

If it happened to me, I'd completely shutdown inside.