Let me know if I missed any important points in this video!

If you don't think INFJ are manipulative then we have succeeded.

I say we aren’t dark but we think of dark stuff

"They put a lot of effort into resisisting the temptation to manipulate" To be honest that's wrong way of saying it. It's not hard, it's more like "Oh wait if i say this i would manipulate them, so let's not say this". And you either say nothing or you choose the right words that are neutral. But then again being kind and polite is manipulation in itself - it influences how other people react. If you are nice to someone, they are very likely to be nice to you too. .... Saying this now everything feels like manipulation. So scratch all that, we don't resist, we just do it.

Can we talk about INFJ drug-abuse, self-destructive behavior, and self-loathing? I hardly ever hear this discussed.

Never piss off an infj.

From my experience, INFJs have a lot of patience and tolerance. I've always liked helping people and don't mind when people use me because we all use each other at one point. But what ticks me is when people dissapoint me. It's when people gave me promises only to break it in the end. It's when people whom I've trusted, lie to me. It's when they do things selfishly. When they make me feel like I don't matter. That my pain and suffering does not matter. It's what angers me. As childish as it sound, I like to make them regret their decisions. For making me feel less of a human. I'd like to inflict pain on them and let them know how I felt when they ignored me. I use their weaknesses against them until they are emotionally hurt. I don't always use violence, I use words a lot though. Painful and malicious words that can shake them. They end up surrendering, apologizing, and regretting what they've done. It's true that we can be very manipulative... but it didn't have to get to that point. Know your boundaries. We might seem easy to push around... but we know when enough is enough.

My husband is infj. He grew up in a verbally and mentally abusive home. He has completely door slammed his family, rightfully so.

I've always noticed that I have a powerful manipulation ability.

As an INFJ myself, I do believe that we usually know our dark side very well. Whether we actually want to be in touch with it is probably individually. The weird thing is that this darkness within me can both scare me and be comforting. Endless sadness and grief puts me in a creative flow state. What scares me more is how I can understand and sympathize with people who do things considered to be evil. For example, most won't even consider sympathizing with a murderer, but I would feel sorry for him/her for feeling like there was no other way. Feelings come and go, and just because someone was being full of hatred in one moment, doesn't mean that's part of his or her nature. This kind of empathy can be quite damaging to an INFJ as there will never be a person who actually is too bad for us to care for and about.

It is really hard to make me angry but if it happens, I can be aggressive. It's like I am calm, calm and suddenly out of nowhere I just blow up.

I don’t think I’ve ever been able to unleash on someone. Usually if I’m upset I get a bit blindsided by a confusing swirl of emotion I can’t make sense of. Then, a few hours later (sometimes days), I figure things out, and imagine all the things I could’ve said if I’d been more aware of what I was experiencing and why. So usually what happens is over the next few encounters with that person I’m chilly and aloof, instead of warm and friendly. It never really escalates or becomes confrontational because I can see down that road and I don’t really see where it’s going being productive. Not worth my time or emotional effort.

Infjs are a bit like Tigers in a way, we try to blend in with our surroundings, but we always have a goal in mind and when we attack we go in for the jugular...well that's the kind of image i get whenever friends/family bring up this dark side of ours. Truly one of the most annoying things about being an Infj is going to social gatherings, sitting at a table full of acquaintances or people just met and being absolutely so aware of them and their issues and feelings and all the social dynamics of everyone and then pretending to act like you dont know what's going on just so you can enjoy the moment, it takes alot of focusing in and zoning out control for us (younger Infjs probably just give off a weird awkward stare and nervousness trying to manage the s*** load of Ni-Fe information coming in), alcohol in my opinion even though it relaxes us a little tends to deepen this awareness. I think one of the biggest problems for us is flowing easily between our Ni-Ti (at home) and Fe-Se (outside) states. Maybe a part of our darkness is not regulating this properly or getting too stuck in one or the other.

Don"t push us with our back against the wall. Let us back off. Because we already know your weak spot.

I often say I could destroy someone with my words alone if I wanted to but choose not to because it's not in my nature.

When I go dark; run. Don't look back.

Oh, yes. I've felt it before. Even as a child, I've always been drawn to characters struggling with their inner-darkness -- Dark Phoenix, Raven from Teen Titans, Gaara from Naruto. It comes more to me when I feel the world makes me feel more like an outsider or detached, making my self-esteem hit an all time low. The boiling resentment comes into play. I'd just drown myself in playing video games, which made me feel better. I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone and tried to kill off my feelings. So, if left unchecked, that corruption could take over. Yes, with time and care, we could manipulate, but I never want to do that. Learning about my personality has helped me greatly and has opened so many doors -- understanding myself and others. I've been able to use the negativity and use it as art and create beautiful things.

As an INFJ I feel like our dark side is more of depression with the feeling of absolute existential dread along with never truly feeling enough for the world. Also the loneliness yeh that gets pretty dark too.

As an ENTP, i spent two and a half years with an INFJ girlfriend of mine.Since the moment i first saw her, I thought i was gonna spend rest my life with her. I couldnt understand it back then but It was the best time of my life. It was better than the best romantic movie you saw. By time her feelings died away and she eventually doorslammed me. It was really a harsh psychological trauma for me. It has been two and half years since she left me, and theres not a single day that goes by that i dont think of her. As a guy i've been with numerous of girls, but no other type, i know for sure, no one could ever make me as happy as her. With her Ni and my Ne we created such beautiful dreams of our future that i've really believed in it sometime ago. You become addicted to the happiness that they give you ( i started drugs after sometime (still nowhere near :) )) and you cant find it anything close, because you INFJ's are so fucking rare, like 1 in 200 girls, i've lost my hope to meet even somelike her, and be happy rest of my life. Now i believe that im gonna die old and lonely. :/ Because i was raised in a very troubled family raising a happy family was one of my two childhood dreams. I'll become a doctor next year, (i wanted that for 20 years) but i feel like my life has no purpose anymore. Anyway about the dark side.. and from a romantic love perspective... Even though the doorslam was really harsh, (She left with a text) even though the psychological marks she left are still on me even though after she's gone my life has fucked, even though i think to commit suicide every day, i still love her. I still think that she's an angel hearted person. She was was just trying to reach her inner equilibrium. After years i could speak to her for two or three minutes, and she was looking a little bit depressed but when i asked her how is she , she responded she was ''finally in peace this way''.(Jesus, Ghandi / Hitler, Bin Laden are INFJ's). We had bad times but the reason behind all the chaos, heart breaking stuff, all the pain wasn't because she was manipulative or resentful or she was dark. She was just trying to protect herself. Sorry for all the drama... Best MBTİ videos, keep going love who!!!

Resentment can easily be held for so long that it results in the famous 'doorslam' so... a little appreciation goes a long way

As an infj myself, I love talking and learning more about the dark side of my type and what leads to it, it's strange because it's easy for us to accept it as a part of what makes us who we are

As a INFJ-A I agree with most of your comments. When I start to feel dark though, I go solitary till I can cope.

You are right I was the resentful INFJ ..I never voiced my emotions and also got taken advantage of to a very toxic relationship . Thank you ..I get to understand myself better . I am also like a fake extrovert ...hahaha I’m so good at acting

Speaking of the infj and smoldering resentment, how about the fact that many INFJs will spend years and years accommodating and loving their partner because their empathy allows them to get joy from helping and loving the other. Then, imagine the other person rarely trying to accommodate their infj partner as an act of love and the infj still quietly and calmly requests it. The infj does not demand it but, with a calm demeanor will explain to their mate what they need. After 10 years, there hasn't been a smoldering fire of resentment underneath but rather an honest picture of how much less their partner cares. Most of the time, there's not a huge blowout fight when the infj has hit that wall. But I will admit, the quiet, subtle and well placed words will shred and draw blood. And, then the infj will apologize and mean it. That's when their partner either leaves the infj because they cannot forgive or they finally get it and change. In my experience, it takes about 10 years of being the unnoticed giver and guider for other people's well-being and joy before the jar is empty and the requests were always ignored. Thank God that INFJs are such a small portion of society. It's a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes, I wish I was the unaware and uncaring and out for myself and my own fun type of person. But, then I remember I don't like those kind of people. Sincerely, Carly 💜

Ever heard of INFJ RAGE? We can go from Angel to DEMON.

I've noticed from my own personal past that deep depression caused me to become extremely sensitive to others. Not in the way that I usually am, where I'm caring and compassionate, but in the way that I've become so sensitive to everyone's shortcomings and motives, such that I eventually grew to have an immense resentment, as you said, for other people. But it was an extremely contradictory experience, because I simultaneously hated people and cared for them. I grew to hate my own compassion for other people, and became cold and detached, because I was so sick of being taken advantage of that I grew to see everyone as threats. I became extremely reclusive and anti-social, even misanthropic. I saw the world as gray and dark, and whenever I was around other people, I constantly felt like I was in a movie scene where all of the voices muffle out as I stare at everyone's faces, smiling and laughing, and living in such blissful ignorance of the atrocities of our world. No one had any idea that I was like this, until they tried to get close to me, or worse - tried to take advantage of me, and they would suddenly know no worse wrath and sheer callousness. I was extremely good at hiding all of this. People would tell me I was an "infectiously cheerful" person, that I probably never learned how to frown. Inside, I would be satisfied at how well I managed to pull it off, the illusion of happiness. People liked me, and I hated that people liked me. They would always want to be my friends, but I didn't want friends, I only wanted to be left alone. My care for others drew them to me, and when they saw eventually how cold I truly was inside, they would be so confused, but would rarely ever withdraw like I wanted them to. Instead, they would want to "fix" me, or be the one person to change me, which only inevitably strengthened my resentment. But the worse side of it was that when I would freeze over on people and treat them coldly, some other part of me would resent myself for being that way, for being "unkind". I would hate that I care about people, and I would hate that I tried not to. I struggled, and still do, with an immense degree of self-loathing, self-criticism, and misanthropy. It's been a while now, and I'm getting better, but I still have a lot of issues with opening up to people, even to those I dearly love and cherish, and I still greatly avoid being around others. I still find myself being somewhat cold toward people inside, but I've become a lot better at setting boundaries for myself and enforcing them, which has helped immensely with my self-esteem and my relationships with others. I found your descriptions to be very accurate and insightful, I really connected with it. I truly appreciate all the hard work you put into understanding each of the types, and I think it's especially great that you pay such close attention to what an unhealthy type looks like. People often get caught up in their pride for a certain type, especially INxJs and other intuitives in the online community. People love to live with their labels and boxes and to use those as excuses for their behavior without attempting to fix themselves. It's easy to forget that no one is superior to another, and we all have our own shortcomings, but the more we work to illuminate the "dark sides" of everyone and how it manifests, the sooner we can understand and help those in need.

I'm an INFJ and I found this quite interesting, to one point that you said, that I never like to talk much about and that is the ability of manipulation. As INFJ, and being able to see easily and readily read people and situations, it can give you an uncanny advantage to position yourself to manipulate others in many way's. I think I do this to some extent all the time, but not in any malicious way. I might find myself doing this to get one of my workers to get their job done in a more productive way, I once came in as a manager, saw a girl standing there and immediately knew she was upset. I stopped and stared at her until she finally got irritated and said why are you looking at me? I then gently said I am just going to stand here and stare at you until you smile... and then of course she starts laughing and worked the rest of the day smiling, and had much more productive day. I do this sometimes with my kids, and I think as INFJ I think this is one thing I never tell anyone that I can both read people and manipulate people so easily is probably the biggest kept secret for any INFJ in my opinion. I have an extremely strong sense of morals and values, but if someone did not they could really do some serious damage as INFJ.

All of us INFJs need to hear this. We need to face our egos and break through the illusion that we can do no wrong. The result is a liberating increase in humility.

Resentment is held for looooong...

when I was in high school I got picked on a lot for being quiet and reserved. So I already resented most of the school I went to. Well, one day I walked into class. I am getting ready to go sit down, and suddenly I am confronted by someone who I never really got along with. before I can say anything, she tells me to make her mad. I ask her to elaborate, and she says she wants me to make her mad... She should have been careful for what she asked for. Long story short, I broke her and her bf up. neither of them can look each other, or me, in the eyes anymore.

OMG!, dare I listen to more? You are exposing my inner world and it's frighteningly embarrassing.

Once in college I got so overwhelmed by the demands of my social group that I felt myself “go dark.” I was finally able think, fuck this, fuck all y’all, and let go of responsibility. I have better boundaries now. Before that, I felt guilty about having many boundaries. I felt responsible for saving everyone. What had been so exhausting was how close everyone seemed to feel to me, while I felt totally invisible and misunderstood. Everyone was seeking out my attention and I felt conflicted about all of them. No one cared about my needs, they just loved that I attended to their emotional needs so well and so intuitively. Most of my guy friends seemed like they were trying to date me, despite my proclaimed disinterest in dating (now I know I’m asexual). So they didn’t believe the information I was telling them about myself. I also began to notice several of them were talking about me and theory-crafting behind my back. A couple were colluding to manipulate me to spend time with them. I had a reputation for being “mysterious” but that just made me mad. I feel like I’m very straightforward-people just don’t believe me about myself.

I really wish that you kept talking. There was a lot of golden nuggets in your message. I’m an INFJ and you are right we can be manipulative.

INFJ: is universe paradox carrier. Do them wrong... universe paradox is offended.

My infj sis tends to be perfectionistic, & holds everyone else to her often unrealistic standards. When she’s upset she tends to hold grudges instead of being willing to talk things out. Instead of telling people her needs & wants, she suffers in silence as a martyr & can get resentful because I can’t read her mind 😬

I get scared sometimes of how good of a manipulative i can be. i would make up lies and totally believe them and they make me so emotional to the point of crying

"Hello darkness my old friend." "Do you ever feel like a misfit - everything inside you is dark and twisted?" "This is fine" - meme with the cartoon dog in the house that is burning That's basically INFJ

Yeah we INFJ's are weird... we have two ways we could go, generally. I usually don't like dealing in absolutes, but with INFJ's and this particular topic, i think it works. Either we are heroes, champions of light, using our neutral tool of empathy only for good and really resisting the pull to the dark side, manipulating people into positions that benefit them most and thus becoming powerful in a subtle, but good way. We become a sort of dictator, but the fantasy kind that doesnt actually exist in historical politics that actuallu care about everyone else. On the flip side, we have both the ability and drive to take over the world if we want, or at least, our part of it. Its such a strange dichotomy.... we are very useful and noble but also very dangerous, i think as all worthwhile things are

Topic suggestion: 1. "Rarity" of the types (i.e., is it TRUE that INFJs are the rarest?) because I disagree completely. - The problem however is MANY people assert that there are many "mistyped" INFJs and attribute "negative traits" of INFJs and dumping them on other types. The classic "OH you're not a real INFJ, you must be INFP, ISFJ, INTJ & so on) INFJs being put on a pedestal - hailed as this "perfect, mythical, rare creature" (of course, some INFJs will say, OH that isn't true, but the whole special snowflake syndrome is PREVALENT in websites like Reddit, IG INFJ accounts and so on)

I have no time or desire to manipulate or "poke a sharp stick." I suspect that anyone no matter what type they are would only resort to this if they were mentally unsound or were higher on the personality disorder spectrum. I also personally have no desire for world domination. We need all personality types.

Does anyone else have a quick temper that they manage? Like I try to stay in a clean mood but even if I engage in a conversation about a fight or an old fight I get hot and I feel something in me that wants to go off

In my 10 years experience with an anxiety-riddled, depressive, pseudo-manipulative when he needs his people/environment in control, cold steel blade throwing into my heart as soon as it starts to warm with the blessing of his presence because he resents being friend-zoned, I can safely say this is an accurate assessment. Also, yes, door slamming would have been a great addition to this segment, especially since it can be so drawn out and soul destroying over a long period of time. They also refuse to tell you what's wrong, and expect you to know by reading their minds. Even if you can intuitively tell what's wrong, they'll shut down if they don't want to address the issue the moment you bring it up and what to work on it. Complete shutdown/silent treatment mode. Infuriating people that are simultaneously so easy to love. FML. When they love you and resent you, you pay for it in the silent decay of a slow door slam (or I should say door ajar, in limbo for all eternity). I'm an INTP, and while I want harmony too, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER! D:

Even I myself am scared of that dark side of me when someone mess with me... It's like I know exactly what buttons to push them away if they're crossing the line. That or I mostly just walk away

The spotlight on harmoniously vs. healthy interaction was a great choice to discuss. A book on that topic alone by someone like yourself would sell.

I'm a 40 year old INFJ. The dark side of me is mostly me running away because all I want is peace...

I'm an Infj. I unleashed my darkside on someone once. I dropped grenades on literally all of their fears and insecurities. Still haven't seen or heard from this person in over 8 months. Honestly guys, seeing myself that way scared the hell out of me.

This is so true. I keep up a wall for a long time. I keep my emotions and issues to myself because I do not want to burden anyone with my feelings. When I do and not met in the same way I was there for them I get hurt. It’s hard. When it comes to the manipulation part of the personality that is also hard because it almost feels like we can’t be our authentic self to people because we are trying to keep the harmony but when pushed to far our tongue can be our biggest weapon and are instantly filled with regret when it has to get to that point. Sometimes the impulsiveness of our nature mixed with the manipulation can be hard in a heated discussion with someone. I appreciate these videos as I’m always trying to be self aware!

As an INFJ I've found I tend to have what people describe as "a long fuse, but a big bomb". I very rarely am deeply angry or emotional (or at least rarely show it) and it makes me wish you'd covered the door slam here. As Mr. Darcy once said "My good opinion, once lose, is gone forever." I can be very understanding and sympathetic to a long list of topics and take a lot of shit from people, sometimes more than I should. However, I hit a brick will on occasion where I stop being able to sympathize, forgive, and start hating someone. The bomb goes off and I'll cut someone out of my life forever. Even a decade later, even if I come to better understand their emotions, even if I can recognize my own culpability in a situation, the door never opens again. I find this more often happens when *someone else* is the target for someones bad actions or deads. I never really remain and an angry state with someone who hurts me personally. I try to understand them and come to some kind of reconciliation. But if someone hurts a friend or a lover? Door slam, they're awful, I'll be keeping one eye on them until they're out of my life and everyone elses. I hope this isn't just me being vindictive bc I can't help but feel I really caught on to the door slam comment even if you didnt go in depth ha 😅

My friends are all INFJs. All three of my friends.

BOILING RESENTMENT: When my younger brother had kids young, fell into drink and drugs, I basically abandoned my life to help sort this out. It worked, he got his shit together but I lost my relationship and he's raising his family in my house. I've battled with a boiling resentment because he doesn't even recognize the sacrifice I made for his families health and well being. Juggling seeing him destroy himself and potential his kids against me having to rebuild everything, has been tough. but I wont make that mistake again. One INFJ weakness I'm very aware of now. Thanks for all your Videos

My dad is an INFJ and I had an INFJ partner for 4 years and I still struggle to understand how they work. Because I am an INFP, I gravitate toward them for their ability to tune in and enjoy and be part of what I have to offer... and I can do the same for them. So there is a great synergy. The down side is that I feel like INFJs do not possess the same degree of objectivity, detachment, or ... I guess second guessing of themselves. They can't push to see something from a different point of view when their perspective is stuck in some way. You need a strong, strong bullshit detector around them when they are unhealthy... which I probably developed as a kid... because you could say something to them and if they don't want to hear it it will be a kaleidoscope of deflection. Wow, all these things are negative, so probably I am just a little put off by the INFJs in my life right now. I might have good things to say some time down the road.

I just recently saw a video about infj a couple days ago. I had no idea what it was until then but it is 100% me in every way. It was so eye opening to watch, I was thinking "this is exactly me". I thought I was just a bit different than others, just a quieter and shy-er person and think in my mind alot. I know there are many "positives" to this personality type, but the negatives are also difficult to deal with. I struggle greatly with motivation, I procrastinate way too much. I also struggle quite a bit with OCD. I don't know if any others struggle alot with these two things?

I’ve been holding resentment for a very very long time because of my tendency to want to keep the peace. I just bottle up what i’ve felt were injustices for years and years-I sometimes scare myself with all the hate I have for those people. Rarely have I thought to act on it though. I find it better just to stay away from those people if possible. And then I try my best to make sure my friends don’t suffer from the same thing. I’ve only just recently tired to stand up for myself more. I’ve also someone recently noticed my ability to manipulate but I only use it to try to make peace or to invoke better understanding.

With great power comes great responsibility. I only do the painful strike with pinpoint accuracy when it's for the greater good of my friend. It is a buildup of the same story every day over and over again, ignoring the kind and patient advice for *years* and I get so fed up, but I wait for the exact moment, the exact day that the friend is ready. They need to be mentally strong enough to handle the strike of snake venom I'm about to bite them with, they need to show that glimpse of being fed up too and that a tiny part of them is ready for change, and 3 it needs to flow with the conversation so that they can process how it lead up into that brutal honesty or it can get dismissed with "oh she was just having a bad day, probably hormonal, it didn't actually mean anything". I want the strike to mentally snap them out of their behavioral routine to choose and decide if they really are happy or if they want to fight for their happiness like a gladiator with the eyes on the price to live with a sense of purpose and freedom. As for manipulation, I've chosen to only use that for greater good as well, never for personal benefit. You must be manipulative though if you want to custom stitch advice to a certain personality. If you can't read how a person will best hear what you have to say then good advice won't be heard. I custom stitch my messages all the time, like if a person heavily values religion then I make my advice sound more religious than if I'd give the same words to an atheist eventhough the core advice is the same simply so that it goes into their heart and not out the other ear. You can't be impactful without analyzing their values, you can't repair a leak without finding the damage, you can't boost someone's confidence without finding their weaknesses. I've had to choose to only strike a wound if it's the only way to make it heal and yes I've damaged friendships from it - but they have a much better life now than if I never struck them. I strike out of love and care, it's when I don't care that the door slam comes and then you get erased from my life and you then are worse than dead to me because those dead at least get a memorial and get honored and talked about, a doorslammed just get erased like they never existed. Big note though, there are unhealthy and destructive INFJs that are in so much pain that they spread the pain and not everyone has figured out what they want to do with their power and responsibility yet and you very well could be a guinea pig that gets tested on to see if a method works or not so don't assume an INFJ to be harmless automatically. It's a long long journey for us to choose our paths and methods of helping others and learning how to save ourselves, protect ourselves and cherish ourselves and not self sacrifice ruthlessly and we make plenty of mistakes on that journey that could include taking personal emotions out on others unfairly.

"They put a lot of effort into resisiting the temptation to do this kind of stuff." Yes! The effort it takes is exhausting sometimes. Also, spot on about us being closer to Machiavellian when leaning toward malice. Thanks for this coverage!

I started watching this video from the perspective of "let's see what he thinks that he knows about us and our dark side". WOW, you know a lot! I found myself agreeing with everything that you shared...even the dictator stuff that I would never have thought of! I have been on a spiritual journey for a few years now and follow Fr. Richard Rohr. He introduced me to the Enneagram and to learning about and embracing my shadow self. Through my journey I have learned to forgive and let go of resentments...no longer drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I have also learned to say no, take care of myself, mind my own business, let others do for themselves and more. I have not given up caring for and about others deeply, but I have learned and I am still learning how to "use my gifts for good". My life and relationships are richer. Thank you for this video. I am looking forward to seeing how you address the great topics suggested in the comments.

The old cliche "the truth hurts" is eerily accurate. Most people simply CANNOT handle it, particularly when it's about their shortcomings or defects of character. So there lies the issue we're constantly faced with...picking our words meticulously as not to damage someone's fragile ego. Because aside from being brutal in our honesty, we still are very empathetic and reluctant to embarass or hurt someone's feelings. We realize that our words can cut deeper than a knife, because we see much deeper than what's superficial. We know the most intimate inner workings of a person, things that they haven't even fully grasped. If confronted with such things, the shock would be equivalent to jumping into a pool of ice for the average person.

Year ago I found out I was a INFJ. I always knew I thought differently from others, more in touch with things. Spot on video!

I have this thing where I pretend to be a really bad liar (about trivial things) to my family and friends e.g. by smiling and laughing easily. But in reality, it’s sort of a tactic because I can lie easily about much bigger things.

I’m annoyed with myself bc I can see others so clearly but I might accidentally manipulate people without thinking and I’m never aware if I’m the actual problem.

This is fascinating, while every personality I think has a dark side, negative personality traits are part of being human. No one is perfect we all have things about ourselves that we would like to avoid rather than acknowledge. This is very accurate as I am an INFJ in my experience I rarely poke others unless I feel like they hit a nerve at one point, to which I find very difficult to forget. So I quietly wait for just the right moment to jab at them, the most unsettling thing is as INFJS we can read people very well, when I walk into a room I'm immediately observing people. Paying attention to the emotions of others, watching their body language. Then over time if a person sticks around us long enough, that information we gather through reading that individual or individuals we could use against them (If we so choose. This is why I'm glad this video was made so I can be aware of the fact that INFJS have this ability, to manipulate. So that I can be better aware of this negative trait and learn how to avoid or control it.) Anyways! enough of my ramblings lol.

Infjs mind is something. Just wow

You are one of the few on KZfaq who really got this type right. Thanks for this informative video.

Very high quality content. Unmatched in the ability to articulate various insights, talk to the shadow sides, and offer perspectives to determine if you are infact an infj. Cheers Some tweeking of the marketing approach, and the subscriber base will grow exponentially. That is. Knowing the mind of your potential customer, and using the right words will change your results.

So Introverted intuition can be used as a tool of greatness and guidance or a door slam weapon.. I can relate to that..

Yeeeees the manipulation- sometimes I feel I think I understand others well enough to get the outcome I want in a situation- I sometimes feel like a self-aware sociopath at my lowest.

You are very good at this, my friend! 😎 I would like to congratulate you and thank you for your attitude and the way you express your knowledge. INFJ 34 female here.

Concealing feelings or creating space to not be a burden. I'm an ENFP but I know INFJs((:

GREAT video, Theirs a song called Keep On Walking and don't look back.!!!

I prefer to call it strategic. Sometimes our “nice” Fe comes from that dark side. I own a lot of other people’s secrets. We do know people’s weaknesses just as much as we know their strengths.

I remember being a kid and becoming aware of my ability to be manipulative and hating that about myself. Resentful? Yes. lol. Can I make people feel immense emotional pain if they have tremendously hurt me? YES. Absolutely. I wonder if that's an aspect of Fe... not only can we pick up on people's emotions, we can actually influence their emotions and our Ni gives us good insight into how best to do so if we want to. I think it's astute of you to see that our compulsive giving is at the root of a lot of this. We compulsively give because we care, but obviously we'll never get as much back. I can accept that lack of balance up to a certain degree but there is a point at which it becomes intolerable... like "How dare you? How dare you take so much from me and not be willing to give even 2% when I really need you?" That's the rage or doorslam moment for me. The people in the comments saying "I never get angry except maybe for a second, I never manipulate people." That's ridiculous. INFJ's aren't angels anymore than INTJ's can build time machines. lol. Exaggerating a personality like that might be a good way to sort of soak up the general "flavor" of the personality but jeez we're all human and we are all flawed. Some of the commenters here could stand to realize that just cause you don't like your shadow is not a good reason to pretend it doesn't exist. The major shadow side I would add to your points is just that our giving nature is not always altruistic. Sometimes we can even overstate the altruistic nature of our giving in a narcissistic "I want you to think I'm better than I really am" kind of way. We give to get sometimes. Yeah we're generous with our kindness, but definitely can have some major strings/expectations attached to that giving.

Yoooooo. The accuracy!!! I'm fascinated. I just discovered this mbti ( that feels wrong) whatever it is, personality type phenomenon. I don't even remember how, why or when I learned of it first...I'm lying, it definitely was a KZfaq video, what else? But I knew right off I was an infj. I wasn't even aware that there were 15 other types at that point. Ok, now my original comment...the first time I heard of the "dark side" of this type 😳 and heard the part about being master manipulators, I was like "not me!!! never!!!" But you're so right, it's not something you want to hear, largely because it's not intentional, or even a fully conscious act...atleast in my case. But when I really thought about it, of course I do. It's almost second nature. We learn to manipulate upon infancy, once you have an understanding of something and/or its inner workings, it's instinctual to use that knowledge to satisfy an agenda. And since we're being honest, EVERYONE has an agenda. It doesn't necessarily have to make you evil. It's having a particular skill, subconsciously applying it to everyday life. It's dependent on the individual whether they use it with malicious intent.

Even when using Machiavellian techniques, we/I use it for good. Dark side we leave it for narcissists they use cold empathy to manipulate for their own purpose without a conscience. Perhaps there is a fine line of behaviours between narcissistic people and INFJ, difference is like white or black, INFJ use their introverted power for good....me hope and think, cheers

Very true. Had to use the dark side when I was younger a fair bit. Luckily not for the last few years. I hate using it.

Your insight is very sincere and not narcissistic compared to alot of "I am special" personality type analyzers

This is so amusing! I like the way you analyze the INFJ mind. I know it’s supposed to be informative more than amusing but the seriousness just makes it funnier

Good video. Pretty accurate. Yes, I noticed the heavy editing. I thought ENTP’s (sorry if I got your type wrong....just going by my sometimes flawed memory) weren’t perfectionists? I envy your piano skills.

Great video. We certainly can be dark if we want too.

Nathan, you know what? I even fear the difference between the luminiscence of two rooms in my house😦

The resentment part is so true. I’m working on that, I want to be more forgiving. About the manipulation, I’m not sure if I am, but my friends have mentioned in a joking way that I can be evil sometimes towards my past exs, but I don’t really count that. How could you really tell if you’re good at manipulating?

I am INFJ and an interesting thing that happens to me in relation to others (that I can't fully explain logically) is that they almost always seem to have an immense amount of respect for me. It is a fear I have to be treated badly (I am a short little woman with soft voice and not very strong in any way) because I think I would be too weak or too keen on harmony to be able to defend myself. But I never ever have had to defend myself in any way ever. Not even in hostile situations has anyone even abused me verbally. I might be priviliged, or it might have something to do with my ability to manipulate situations quietly (and subconsiously). Does anyone else recognize this fenomenon, or is it just due to other personalized factors and my own personal history?

We think of everything , including the dark. Got to have that big picture.

Good video, good description.

It could be that it is just your own thoughts that are alarming you... : )

What about when we just disappear for months? Is that part of our dark side as well? I’ve door slapped before n I have also completely disappeared from people. How would you explain the difference?

You kind of nailed it for me too. The part about machiavellianism was especially interesting. I'm working with personality parts (Inner critics, inner children etc. IFS Internal Family System) - and one of my darker parts, an inner defenders is machiavellist. Interestingly you can do tests with special parts and this one scored very high on Machiavellianism, while I as a complete person score very low. I did MBTI-tests with personality parts too. This one is an INTP. Makes sense to me, with my third (defensive) function being Ti. The machiavellian defender is hold in check by very strong parts that crave social acceptance and harmony. But in the end it's truly balanced by a very vulnerable part who is compassionate beyond any reason, an INFP by the way. This part gets hurt when anybody else is, so hurting others means hurting myself. Ironically the machiavellian part loves and protects this vulnerable part and that is what actually keeps it from implementing it's dark manipulative ideas in the outer world. Without this compassionate part within me...I would be monstrous. Or maybe I wouldn't. Without having to protect the vulnerable part the machiavellian defender wouldn't have any reason to destroy anyone. So maybe it would prefer having lightly cynical discussions about philosophical questions with Ni - or other people - over a cup of tea.

It's like having everything, the good, the bad, the ugly and knowing exactly or mostly what must only go out.

When I learned that Hitler was an INFJ it honestly shook me, I still don't get how he's a feeling type

"INFJs almost always use this trait (empathy) to help the people around them. But it can just as easily and in fact, sometimes more easily, be used to play with people's emotions." READ. TO. FILTH.

Harmony is a compromise on all parts, that aligns enough with one’s values, and the values of the greater good.

We have the capacity for darkness but just that we keep it well under wrap for everyone's sakes or use only for certain personalities / special occasions.

I (INFJ) only reserve *door* *slams* as a last resort for toxic people. No additional video needed - been there, done that!

Everyone have a dark side, no exception, we are humans after all, but I had my feelings so repressed in my childhood that even my dark side rarely affected others, I just stored too much anger and started being emotionally distant from people

I would love a video on an infj door slam! I have Tried to explain it to others and never seem to find the right words to express how it works in my head, especially since I don't even know I'm doing it until it's too late.

I’m INFJ. I know what makes the people around me tick and my decisions are based on pleasing others at the expense of myself. I become whoever they need me to be. No one ever becomes who I need them to be and it makes me build up a quiet resentment, with a touch of forgiveness and understanding that they can’t know what I need them to be because I don’t communicate that. They don’t know who I am because I am whatever they need. And yet…I like it that way. I like to feel like I am alone and the victim. My self worth is tied to people benefiting at my expense. If I was to try and communicate more about who I really am and how I really feel (which seems basically impossible for me to quantify), I would either be disappointed that they don’t care or understand or feel like I’m sucking them dry if they did understand and tried to help me and relate to me. I often feel like I want to blow up at someone. Not someone very close to me, but someone just to vent all of my pent up pain. But I feel in control all the time… which funnily enough I find annoying. I’m going to stop here because I know that I could keep going deeper and deeper and it would not get any more coherent. I haven’t written out or verbalised these base feelings in a long time so it’s kind of all pouring out. This is who I am and, despite the complexity and daily discomfort, it’s discomfort that makes me feel worth something. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I was right about myself... I am manipulative... And I hate myself again yay

I don't know why other INFJs will get upset when you bring up the topic of manipulation. Even before I was aware that I was an infj I used to tell people that I'm constantly trying not to manipulate people. I could have worded that better but I think you get the idea. For instance: a friend of mine came over the other day and was basically raging about how unhappy he was with his wife. During the conversation, and without difficulty, I saw how I could "push" him in multiple directions. I could jump on his bandwagon, complain about women, feed his ego. Or, let him vent, then try to steer him back in a positive direction towards his wife. I chose the latter. I'm emphasizing that I was aware of the impact and repercussions of my words then and there, therefore I chose my words carefully. Even though I was trying to influence him positively, was that not still manipulation?

We all know about our dark sides existence and for me it’s a part of me that’s hard to ignore. I try my best to be as understanding as I can to everyone around me and over analyze their actions to find a good reasoning behind them. Something I seriously can’t stand is when a person acts selfishly and at the expense of others. When I meet people like that it’s seriously so hard for me to be empathetic and sympathize with their problems and I sometimes come off as kind of harsh to them- it makes me hate myself sometimes TT

"Self-destruct" does ring a bell... Cause what's the point of seeing "real" and "potencial" y those around you are oblivious to it... And you're unable to help them.... Thankfully I discovered compassion and Uncondicional Love

My darker more malicious thoughts are usually my strongest. The idea of finally shuffling off these heavy chains that bind me to a morality I don't like for a society that is so egregiously wrong is so tantalizingly seductive. It's unreal. Sometimes I hate myself because of my need to maintain harmony that I just have to sit quietly and stare at the wall. I tell myself that studying and delving deep into my own worst desires and Ideas is a healthy way to become comfortable with myself and that I'm actually a better person for the familiarity. I'm still not sure if I'm lying to myself or not yet. I like it.....I mean in. It feels good to allow those ideas to flow into my inner realm and mentally act them or play with outcomes internally.