Ok

It's gonna explode if you put 8 ounces of yeast

I mean you are after all the Lilo & Stitch of your handwich

DefunctPan would be neat-ass series, recreating long-gone food products. Someone needs to show that Babish guy up at his game!

198.4 grams of yeast yum

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

All roads lead to Eisner. He is the genesis of the Odd in this world.

I swear Eisner was doing a "Worst Ideas Speedrun: CEO edition" during his time at Disney

"It was Eisner all along..." [gasp] we finally know where they got the inspiration for that song!

@@merrittanimation7721 NOOOOOOOOooooo!!! NO!

i dont think eisner has ever even seen a mexican man, let alone mexican cuisine.

Shawarma too😂

or Onigiri

or a sandwich. cut in half

Burritos imo are also easier eaten with two hands, but imo hot pockets filled whatever void hamwiches were trying to fill

Eisner was consistently funny while trying his very best to be as serious as possible. Such a dork.

John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich invented the sandwich for that very reason.

@@carlbirtles4518 The 8th Duke of Beaufort, who lived at Badminton House, invented badminton in the mid 19th century (initially as a variant of tennis which used a shuttlecock, which had been introduced to England from India a few years previously), in order to avoid damaging paintings and other valuables when playing tennis indoors.

@@nathangamble125 this is so cool, thanks for sharing

That's not true !

ur funny lets get married

@@Nonyah123 hey thanks for performing that lifesaving surgery on my puppy and paying me $50,000,000 dollars, real kind of you

@@Nonyah123 hey man thank you for lending me your batmobile, the operation was successful. My daughter is 9 pounds 2 oz. can't wait to see you at the pool party this Saturday!

@@Nonyah123 omg thank you for saving my family and I from a massive house fire and not to mention you gave us a new mansion with a butler thank you so much 🙏

“HE SAID IT! HE SAID THE THING! I DIDNT THINK THEY’D DO IT BUT THOSE MICKEY EARED FREAKS DONE DID THE THING! GOD BLESS THIS COUNTRY! MICHAEL DING DONG EISNER DID IT AGAIN!” *slowly begins to sob as fireworks burst intermittently catching a sparkle on a wet cheek as the star spangled banner plays in the background*

Went full Mr. Rogers for that one...

Honestly when he said “one for me, one for you” I felt that

we don’t deserve him 🥺🥺

Right in the feels, and right in my desire to have a BBQ Chicken Handwich

when he said “and one for you” I got very emotional I must admit

Spoilers, He Didn't.

@@mimkyodar yeah his net worth is only 1 billion jokes on him

YOU POISONED BROCK

PLEASE as soon as he said “you’ll never guess who was behind it” I was like oh my god here we go

He is the human definition of “Goddamnit old man, not again!”

I think the real issue with the handwich is that they tried so heavily to market it as a remarkable and mindblowing "sandwich of the future" which doesn't really shore up to the disappointment you get when you bite into what tastes like a normal and generic chicken/tuna salad wrap in the shape of a cone. If they offered this without all of the disney brand TM patenting and fanfare then I'm sure they would still be selling it to this day. It seems pretty convenient and I can imagine it would taste awesome with a brioche or puff pastry cone with some barbecue chicken, lettuce and onions, or even dessert styled crepe fillings. Just don't try to make it sound like something it's not.

Okay, the cone thing is cute, but I want something crusty. Tastier and more structurally sound

It's like a big Japanese hand roll except instead of filled with rice it's filled with wet stuff that would likely leak.

​@@lyndonwesthaven6623i think of they were made of puff pastry they would be delicious

@@carso1500 I'm also here for the cone croissanwich

Except now, you'd get it all over your face.

I mean, you could also just use flatbread and make a wrap? Tuck the ends in and behold! No spilling.

@@sleepypanda3694 , except wraps often break open and spill anyway.

@@sleepypanda3694 but then you lose that fluffy bread taste and feel

wrap the sandwich in paper like a restaurant, problem solved

its always like unmasking a scooby doo villain and I just always imagine him turning to the camera and saying "I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for this bad economy and ignorance of market demands!"

@@jaidasimone_”…again!”

The frames of him stroking his purebred mini snow cat is the epitome of his villainry at 4:08

Hey, spoiler!

That cat did not wanna be there lol.

Just because you CAN eat it with one hand doesn't mean it's the best option

I was just thinking this when I read this comment.

Pure instinct is all that is

@@cyber_xiii3786 "Your cooks was so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn't think of whether they should."

SHEAR HERESY!

And this is supposed to be an Arby's in _Limbo!_

I worked at ARby's before and its common for people to order beef and cheddars or roast beef sandwiches without the buns

i feel like that's a pretty normal order tbh. people with celiac disease often order burgers & sandwiches without the bun because most fast food places dont offer gluten-free options

I loved the demented ghost of mickey just joining in the chorus of "ha~ndwich!"

dang RT you also watch this channel that's cool

Damn bestie ya watch defunctland?? Pog

Hi rt

YES I AGREE

It's always lovely to see when you tubers i like watch other youtubers I like

This is 100% a Highdea

Except when you’re Michael Eisner you throw a hundred thousand dollars at the idea the next day.

@@cokentutes Michael Eisner has no dumb ideas. Michael Eisner says so.

@@merrittanimation7721 “Isn’t that right, Jeffrey Kittykatzenberg?”

@@ebwarg "Meow" "See, he agrees."

His ability to casually throw out jokes that punch you 3 times in a row like this never fails to impress me

I know both books but whats the joke if u dont mind explaining?

@@AC-hv4wj Fahrenheit 451's title comes from the fact that Kevin cited, that 451˚F is the temperature at which paper catches fire

IT JUST CLICKED FOR ME THAT 1,984 IS 1984 OMG

I had to scroll way too far to find someone else talking about that joke.

Please stop giving me mean comments. My mother reads the comments I get and she cries a lot because of it. Please be nice, dear rose

@@AxxLAfriku what are you talking about?

Only in Soviet Russia.

@@altoid2097 Spammer, ignore him

Disney would turn his ass inside out if he did that.

I love the young people.

@@TheAnubis57 and the movie splash, to I would say, unhealthy degree 🤣

We don't deserve Kevin Perjurer, but God saw fit to bless us with him anyway 😂 He's the only creator who can get me to not only watch feature length documentaries but rewatch them too. I won't lie that I miss his more frequent lower-key videos like this one but at least the stuff he is putting out is top notch.

The A e s t h e t i c in this video was AMAZING

I am losing my mind over the amount of production value he crammed into under half an hour

this is the video which made me go from watching defunctland for the content to watching it for kevin (and dreaming of him, too)

“You’ve ridden Space Mountain. Now experience the only thing in Disney that rides you.”

@@SomeOne-ym4xg I appreciate how it's both vaguely sexy, and vaguely threatening.

They could have even gotten Yakov Smirnoff to promote it!

Rolling on the floor laughing

Eisner: you can... cut sandwhiches? Why didn't I know about this!?

He would have fired the person who told that to him on the spot for hurting his fragile ego.

But it wouldn’t be a whole sandwich.

@@digimonlover1632 Hold two halves, in one hand.

Pray Disney never notices

Cozy Cone is in cars land in Disneys California Adventure. They recycled the concept 😊

I went to Disney World in August and didn't know about this. Otherwise I would have tried it.

Someone should go back in time and tell Eisner that. Aside from too-out-there ingredients, he was let down by the dumbest marketers on Disney's payroll (and considering everything ELSE, that's _really_ saying something).

I agree

The castle cone legit sounded good. The handwich sounds like an SNL/MADTv skit...

I totally agree with that statement dude!

Hmm I don't know. Like, out of context I expect "Castle Cone" to be some kind of elaborate ice cream cone, and any time something sounds like it's ice cream but isn't ice cream, my disappointment is immeasurable.

The name definitely sounded cheesy and unappetizing, I agree with Castle Cone being more viable!

I was going to say the same thing, “handwich” is the least magical word I could possibly think of.

I mean, Pokémon nailed it with the _Casteliacone,_ so we know for a fact that it could work...

it also implies that the shape is the novelty, instead of that it could be eaten using your hands. The fact that it was marketed as a revolutionary sandwich you could eat with your hands is so fucking ridiculous that it was bound to fail

Let me get a roast beef knuckle sandwich

Sounds delicious!

'crepes' in thailand that are like a rather dry crepe as a cone filled with stuff are fairly popular. as in basically every street market will have a vendor. stuff can be anything. like from ham to fake crabsticks to strawberry jam to cheese. i'd rather have euro style crepes tbh. and there's just something weird using some pea-corn-paprika mix on a concoction like that.

Michael Eisner has become the Kamen Rider Decade of the Disney History Canon When in doubt, it's Eisner's fault

My husband thought I was some sort of wizard for shouting out that answer. …clearly he hasn’t seen enough Defunctland yet

@@logicaltips4107 ONORE EISNER

🤣

@@kamenriderbizzare4726 "Who are you?" "Just a retiring CEO of Disney. Remember that! Henshin!"

"Top o the morning to ya!" "Oldest anarchy server in Minecraft" "it was Michael Eisner"

Woozle-Wozzle?

Yeah, if done properly, I could easily see myself buying and enjoying this at a park.

I have a great idea for you, if you like "eating on the go". You take two pieces of bread and put something in the middle. It's called a sandwich and you can hold it in one hand.

You can get crepes with savory ingredients served just like this in Tokyo. It's pretty good.

Flat bread. Put all your sandwich ingredients onto it. Tuck in the ends and roll it up. You now have yourself a one handed, on the go, wrap.

There’s something called a pizza cone which is essentially a handwich and it’s actually really good 😭

spamton sweepstakes vibes

He was copying the style of binging with babish’s videos 😂 idk how nobody noticed that

Me too. I suppose because Eisner's time as CEO seems recent, but he left 15 years ago and was there for a long time. He started as CEO of Disney only 16 years after that world's fair and would have been in his early 40s as an executive. That means he was not just alive during the fair but in his mid 20s.

@@sswpp8908 wait what!? I assumed he was in his 30s when he was CEO & had to be a kid then (around 10)! This is absolutely mind blowing to me

@@sswpp8908 Is Eisner even still alive? I imagine that, if he is, he's getting up in age?

Kinda unrelated , but there’s this clip floating around KZfaq of this 1950’s game show where they brought on the last surviving witness to Lincoln’s assassination. He was 96 at the time of his appearance, and he was 5 on the day Lincoln died. That one really broke me

@@Kaltagstar96 He'll be 80 next year according to Wikipedia.

I had to double back just to be sure I caught that correctly. A perfect low-key Kevin joke.

hang on let me google something real quick yeah this is funny

Someone help me out here. Is there something deeper than the swap of 1984 and Fahrenheit 451?

As someone studying English Lit at A Level, it still took me a couple of seconds to properly wrap my head around it, but when I did it was brilliant

@@TroyPacelli nope, that's the joke, hahaha.

I've seen breadcones at fairs. Shredded chicken or pork cones or meatball cones. They've been around for awhile.

Well now I feel kind of cheated.

👎

That is the very definition of an ice cream cone, burrito, and their origin themselves An edible, self contained, bowl

or the other way - that eisner couldn't succeed - even with sandwiches!

Gonna use this line as a song lyric

Is my daughter Wednesday Addams

it reminded me of klee from genshin impact lol

@@immortaluglyfish2724 Now, to find a rhyme for "arsonist"...

@@chompythebeast botanist, something with "pissed" and uhhhhh... lemon twist?

Wow, must be a day that ends in Y

It's ALWAYS Michael Eisner 😭

**Peewee Herman voice** AAAAAHHHH YOU SAID THE MAGIC WORD AAAAAAHHHH

Amazing that even given a keyboard and ample space to type words, people instead choose to describe what a meme might look like.

@@mercster certain subsets of culture are evolving past language. Most people don't even have a firm enough grasp on regular English, let alone whatever we would like to call "meme culture" so they use it as a replacement mainly for informal situations

As all things should be.

I think we can etch that down as a fact

I’m not mad about it.

The surreal aspect of this episode is definitely unprecedented for this show, but definitely not unexpected. Kevin has always used some form of humor, especially deadpan, to some degree since the beginning. He’s truly cranked it up to 11 though in the more recent episodes.

Now I understand why we always called him "Two Handwich Kevin"

Kolbice! It's a play on words with "kolbász" (sausage) and "ice cream". I tried it once and I think it's kind of a gimmick - a bit messy, tastes ok but not good enough to make you want to come back for more.

Castle Cone was a better name, imo.

Yeah, I think I agree. While it's hardly a revolutionary idea, it's not exactly a terrible idea. It's "a sort of weirdly-shaped sandwich", so it's kind of odd that it was an outright failure. I could see a food cart selling them and being somewhat successful.

If you're eating from the top, I could see these being actually kind of nice. With just one hand, it seems like a nice way to keep all the filling *in* the sandwich

The problem for me is that the cone-shape makes the filling unevenly distributed: you'll start with only eating salad and end with only eating bread. But you can probably alleviate that problem with different cone-shapes or different layers of filling. I agree that it could be a minor hit as a fun novelty food, without all that "future of food" nonsense

i want the pulled chicken one

THINKING QUICKLY, KEVIN CONSTRUCTS A HOMEMADE BARBECUE SAUCE USING ONLY SOME ONION, VINEGAR, SUGAR, AND BARBECUE SAUCE.

Lmao I worked at an insanely busy steakhouse that claimed to make their own BBQ sauce. It was literally just heating up Open pit and mixing it with liquid smoke 😂

Hot sauce at a pizza place I worked at was just Frank's red hot with pepper, crushed red pepper, garlic, and an herb that might have been oregano but I don't remember clearly. Really improved it though.

That reminds me of a story, in second grade me and a few kids somehow got interested in making peanut butter. We all went home made the best peanut butter we could, bring it to school to determine a winner. This guy wins and I’m talking to him asking how he made it. And he’s like “oh yeah it’s mostly jif” like goddamnit man that doesn’t count lol

Hey man, Joe's BBQ is no joke!

I went back and rewatched that part with CC on, thank you. You’re absolutely right, it was horrifying and I loved it.

Huh. Didn't expect to find you here, Darzeth. ... So, uh. Not sure what else to say. Hope you have a pleasant rest of your day?

@@habstab6551 heya

Look up Japanese crepes

What's up, checkmark

Same here. I think I'll make one of my own like a pb&j

Those are rookie numbers

@@A_Toaster yea. A true pro eats like 24 in 1 sitting so ye rookie numbers

one always needs a snack when “cooking” (i.e. assembling a handwich in a fevered state at midnight)

Saying five at this very moment would have been a power move.

The deep Defunctlore with that one

There's really good gluten free mixes that allow you to bake pretty much anything! If they're available (and not too pricy) in the US, look for Schar's Bread Mix Flour (I think it's mix B - mix A being all-purpose and mix C being for cakes/sweet stuff that don't need to rise). I've had to eat gluten free since I was a kid and they've really improved *so much* these last 20 or so years! :D and the website has basic recipes for pretty much anything. I can confirm white bread takes like 2 hours to make and ends up d e l i c i o u s for GF standards. Good luck! ^^

Yes!!

Yeah but they discontinued it, so I guess you could say....... its a wrap

i feel like pita would still work better

Yeah, that's a definitely strong use case

It WAS solid and I busted a gut. But, those who understand, understand. No need to educate the rubes. :P

Straight up laughed out loud.

It went by so quick but I loved it

Was expecting it after seeing this comment but it still caught me by surprise, absolute gold

I mean, it isn't as good as "handwich rides you", but it is a damn good joke.

You ever work in the food service industry, you know that's not even that weird. To be honest, if that were me working, it'd make my day because at least it's not a 30 ingredient drink with 20 shots of stuff. I would thank him for a funny, but not insane order.

It's common for people on low-carb high-protein diets to order burgers sans buns. One of the local places where I live will dice up the patty and serve it on a salad for you instead. It's weird, but it has its place.

I can't imagine going to Arby's for food at all, but whatever.

If you've ever ordered anchovies on pizza, you've committed an unfathomably greater sin.

I once had someone ask for a sandwich with no filling, just the bread and toppings.

When I visited New Orleans, there was a resturaunt that served savory crepes with meat, cheese, and vegetables, just like a Handwich.

@@InventorZahran do they not have these where you live? 😥

I mean there are savory crepes, I haven't eaten a authentic crepe but I'd recon the texture would be different because the bread part of handwiches are actual bread, in that case burritos and anything wrapped in tortilla really is a handwich then

@@InventorZahran they have a stand that sells savory crepes like that at Universal Studios

Or tacos or any kind of street food that involves bread.

*Tenderrrr.* - TJ Detweiler

Not gonna lie, I teared up a little when he said that

One more: Lost in the Void Cliffhanger Ending Kevin.

I forgot about that lush Sandra Lee. She made a "cocktail" by drinking Hypnotiq straight.

“Whose voice laps at your inner ear like warm honey” is the most upsetting thing I’ve read this week

defunctlore

@@n0m4nic fun fact: she was going through a divorce at the time

The marketing team in general just seems awful. The initial concept of the castle cone sounded really good, then they changed it to a giant tuna salad icecream cone called the HANDWICH

@@aarOuOn Yeah. Nobody was thinking this one through.

You can hold a regular sandwich in one hand

@@Twinklethefox9022 I know, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, " I eat sandwiches with one hand most of the time."

i can hold pretty much any sandwich in one hand. feel free to challenge me on that, anyone.

Although it was in fact another dystopian future novel, by Ray Bradbury, with a number in its title.

@@FreihEitner i knew it, it was Catch 22

(i'm kidding but it would spoil the joke if I said the real book, which uses the Freedomland units of temperature measurement)

@@texasyojimbo Fahrenheit was the standard measurement for all of the English-speaking world before.

I had to stop the video and just say out loud to myself "Wow. That was a really good joke!"

And then there is that debate on whether or not a hotdog is a sandwich.

@@myriadmediamusings after all of this time someone finally said the response I was waiting for lol

Well with a normal sandwich the ability to hold it one handed depends on many variables like the size of the hand and the portion, the ingredients and their amount, how it's cut and whatnot. But handwich kind of ensures that _everyone_ can hold it in one hand no matter what.

Yeh, that line's dumb. Still, the Handwich seems like a cool idea.

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I mean the whole point of a sandwich is that you can (mostly) hold it in one hand.

I'm eating a folded tortilla with one hand.

@Argus Big time, all due to a man's love for poker.

Lmfao

What mortal man has the strength to lift a whole BLT with one hand I ask you. WHAT MORTAL MAN?!

Ironic because the legend of the invention of the sandwich was like that to begin with. Supposedly John Montague, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, had a gambling habit and he wanted something he could eat with one hand to keep his cards in the other hand. So he ordered his cooks to make something along those lines and then later his friends started ordering "the same thing as Sandwich"

@@ashkitt7719 it’s because some kids found a witch serving magic food at the beach stop spreading misinformation

@@ashkitt7719 iirc sushi was invented around the same time by another dude who wanted a card hand and a food hand

I'm known among my friends as a heathen who occasionally stuffs instant ramen into french bread... Who's laughing now?

@@lunicoletto125 what

@@lunicoletto125 Heathen? More like genius!

My sister used to make spaghetti burritos for us.

Holy shit that sounds good

me too 😔 I weirdly love him

This is so much better than the modern CEOs of Disney as they are too fearful of losing money now to do that. Michael Eisner in my opinion isn’t anywhere close as evil as the current CEO. At least Eisner was ambitious and tried to push boundaries! If he wanted a Disney cruise line, he built it himself and didn’t just buy Carnival.

@crassgop Well that is a lucky furniture guy!

@@roxynano Too bad he probably credits his success to hard work and he got there by himself.

@crassgop I know a guy who used to be a server at Applebee's and now he's a wealth planner who makes like 1-2 million bucks a year. Doesn't have a college degree. And you know what? He's fantastic at his job. We all started somewhere. Nothing wrong with climbing the ladder from the bottom rung.

This made me laugh so much man. I love that you exist.

"and she will never be able to achieve the dreams you projected onto her"

Ifrit Arknights moment

klee genshin moment

just like the victims of the arson

I mean, let's be honest, who doesn't enjoy a good spot of nice refreshing arson? ;)

Sounds like Disney to me.

My thoughts as well 😂

Like…isn’t the entire POINT of the sandwich that it’s a meal you can eat with one hand?

Hell, I eat lots of sandwiches one-handed! Egg-McMuffins are definitely one-handers.

@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick I guess. Also, it turns out that by simply calling the Handwich a sandwich, you're being absurd right away. This instantly places Disney in Sandwich Structure Tier III. This is designated "Structural Rebel". Structural Rebels are defined as people who believe that if you contain a food within another food, it's a sandwich. Disney does end up falling in Ingredient Tier I. Designation Ingredient Purist: Requires classic sandwich toppings. But this doesn't change the fact that this "sandwich" is MODELED AFTER AN ICE CREAM CONE.

@@deleetiusproductions3497 oh, don't worry. I don't consider the handwich a sandwich. I consider it a mistake.

But the auto ignition point is actually 451 F? I don't get it

@@pablossjui the joke is the book with the ignition-point title is Fahrenheit 451 but he references the book 1984 (reading it as a number instead of a year) instead

@@amoureux6502 And that they're both works of dystopian fiction that people constantly mistake for the other. A bit like how some people seem to think lines from Paradise Lost are actually from the Bible.

Thank God I'm working from home because I burst out laughing at that line.

I burst out laughing at this, beautiful joke

You can ride anything if you try hard enough. 😼

I would have gone with, "if you bought one, you got taken for a ride."

It's like if Binging With Babish met WandaVision

You were expecting Bimbish and I was hoping for a Handwich "Will it Blow?" Seriously, tho, I could watch hands on a screen make food all day long.

Amusement park-themed collaboration when

@@foxyfoxington2651 And 3...2...1. Let's sausageee~!

@@foxyfoxington2651 how many Mark Ruffalos would a handwich be

*sammich

**hanmmich

* * * sahfbei iich

Schamich

“Sandwedge”

Great news! This is a calzone!

In my town a pizza shop sells pizza cones.

@@commandrogyne I think it's an important distinction that a calzone is topologically closed and the handwich is not. However, we would have accepted the objection "this is a New York fold"

As in Tasty Cones?

@@commandrogyne Indeed. I think it’s pretty in the spirit of the Handwich to reinvent something that already exists, and make it slightly dumber.

I had to pause the video and immediately tell my roommate about that joke. my reaction was visceral.

..... Holy fuck that went right over my head the first time

I had to pause the video and go check that it was 451. Kevin is THAT convincing.

“God I’m tired” - nearly inaudible 😂

while disembodied voices murmur "haaaandwich" over and over, no less.

You know how it does with making food; you start with stuffing Arby's into a bread stick, and you end up no longer existing.

@@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225 it happens all the time just like when you're filleting fish and it calls for death to come just annoying kitchen stuff

"Stuffing it with Arby's meat" 😏

if they named it Eisner's scourge on humanity half of Disney parks would have the same name

I think "Eisner's scourge upon humanity" was the working title for "Superstar Limo"

Funny, I would’ve called it “Disney’s Conewich.” *The only sandwich you can eat in the shape of a cone*

Forbidden party hat is my fav lol

Why aren’t you working at Disney? Theses are GENIUS!