I've consulted many men who were recently given the marriage ultimatum by their girlfriends, and who were legitimately conflicted about how to proceed. In this episode, I explain how getting more of what one wants is inversely related to both men and women's use of pressure in relationships. In particular, I note that any woman who gives this ultimatum is confessing that she loves what she wants more than she loves you. It's not personal, it's just business. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jdiIdd2Cl66odYU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzfaq.info/love/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #marriage

Power in any relationship lies with the one who cares less

I’ve heard said “you don’t really know your wife ‘til you meet her in court.” I attest to the statement. I can never forget the venom spitting from her mouth nor the daggers protruding from her eye sockets across the courtroom. Fifteen years raising children together, and all the adventures shared over twenty years of marriage were completely absent. Only the ruthlessly selfish businesswoman remained. Younger men, let that image sink in. Marry at your own risk.

She is giving an ultimatum to marry her because she is unsatisfied. Once she is married she will once again become unsatisfied with the relationship at some point. Do you really think getting married to a woman who flat out tells you she will leave you for someone else is a good plan?

When I first started dating my now husband, I told him that I was not interested in casually dating. It didn’t scare him away, and we have now been married 31 years. I think it is best to talk about this early before investing your heart.

"Love's highest good is simply to continue to exist in the presence of a loved one. That's it. Everything else pales in comparison." ❤❤

🔥🔥🔥”Men are in love. Women are in business.” 🔥🔥🔥

I'm in an ultimatum currently. I'm told I have until the end of the week to make a decision. We made a deal to work on some things, before we take that jump, and I don't feel that she's holding up her end of the bargain. This video came out at just the right time. Thank you Sir.

The best pre-nup is no marriage.

I had a partner who was pushing for marriage, using all sorts of leverage. She was only after money. She is to the best of my knowledge still single and without my money.

This totally fits with my experience. I met a guy who was waaaay out of my league and I didnt expect anything from him and was happy just to hang out with such an awesome, intelligent successful man. Every moment was filled with gratitude for the amazing experience he was providing, never once did i talk about our future or where things were going etc, then lo and behold, he presented me with a ring and i was really pleasantly surprised. Now were really good friends and i am not pressuring him to set a date either. Why change what's working right?

During my 20's I value relationships. Had some good, some bad, and some terrible. Now, I feel that peace and freedom are too valuable to sacrifice for a relationship.

I'm currently dealing with the grief of a 4-year relationship with a girl I genuinely love, but which came to an end because the marriage negotiations didn't end well. Understanding these aspects helped me enormously. Thank you very much doctor!

There’s still a stigma about having kids out of wedlock among the middle and upper classes, which is a reason why women want marriage if they want kids. That should have come up.

As soon as you sign that marriage contract, she automatically owns you and has power over your whole life. That’s the “safety” she’s looking for, a legal bind. Men inherently know deep down it was never about “love”. I can’t tell you as a man what to do, but be wise and make sure you make a proper risk-analysis assessment before proceeding.

This guy always makes so much sense.

When a woman offers an ultimatum, the relationship is over. When you get an ultimatum, you have three options: 1. You give in. Now she knows what button she can press to get whatever she wants from you. 2. You negotiate. Now she knows you are willing to negotiate with terrorists and she ups the intensity until she finds your captulation point. 3. You call her bluff. You win (for now) but now you have knowledge that she is willing to torch the relationship to get what she wants.

Marriage is a sacred union between two individuals, a promise of love, commitment, and partnership for life. A wedding is a celebration of this union, a joyous occasion where families and friends come together to witness and support the couple as they embark on their journey together, united in love and devotion.

all good points. If you ultimately don't want a family and children, don't get into a relationship with a woman who ultimately wants a family and children. Obviously, if you get in a relationship with her, she will treat the relationship as a pre-amble to the marriage, family and raising children, and manipulate you, consciously or subconsciously, to get to that next stage. The typical scenario for several decades has been that the guy really likes the woman, but isn't looking to start a family; he dangles in front of her the possibility of starting a family, to keep her companionship. Meanwhile, the woman provides her companionship but dangles the possibility of ending it if she isn't granted what she ultimately wants - family and children. It's a game on both sides, and when you think about it, quite ugly or at least distasteful. How can the guy, who wants to stay a bachelor, solve this on his end? Very simple. Be very clear, from the start, that you fully intend to be a bachelor. If the woman's goals are very different, she'll stay away from you.

I just want to say as a man who got married (now divorced) to a pushy woman. Amen. A freaking men. Orion is 100% right about this. I wish someone had said this. I intuitively knew it was wrong. I am very happily married again with two children where I legitimately surprised my now wife with a proposal. She was never pushy, and I will never forget her reaction and how happy we both felt when I proposed. What a wonderful memory.

Hm this is spot on advice, even admits to the darker side of men psychology. Well done, Dr :) This is a good example of why it's in the best interest to get with a woman has similar values to you: You will never find someone whose match yours perfectl, it's to make sure they *do not* contradict. If her high value is marriage, and yours is not, that's a contradiction- the relationship won't survive long-term.

This was really simple for me & my husband. He wanted me to move far away from my family and support system with him to start a new career. I told him that I would love to but I couldn't do that without the security of marriage. So, he had a decision to make. I really didn't know what he would decide but I wasnt willing to move. That was 15 years ago and we've been happily married since then and I moved with him. 😊

I just found your advice to be accurate based on my recent experience. A few days ago, when I was at a party, I noticed that more women seemed to approach me when I simply didn't care about them and was not nervous, unlike before when I used to worry about how girls might be perceiving me.

My brother has been married for over 30 years now. He and I both hate his life.

The marriage ultimatum is the best red flag, physically run away.

Great analogy! It’s really helpful. If she’s pushing for marriage than she’s not worried of losing what else you provide 😢

Divorce attorney, female, married 30 years. And yes you are correct. Have a lot of male clients. Because I understand. But guys, let me tell you something. Don’t ever look at a woman who talks “equality” but acts like you should pay for everything. You already know why.

Orion you are really in your bag lately.. these videos are incredibly valuable

If a woman will leave you because you won’t marry her, then she will definitely leave you for worse things like losing your career or becoming disabled therefore she is not worth marrying.

I never understood women who give engagement/marriage ultimatums. If the guys not ready or doesn't want to marry you, he's already given his answer. Trying to make him shows shes not mature enough to have either one of their best future interests at heart. - April

Wake up babe, new psychacks episode just dropped.

"A woman that acts that way doesn't love you more than she loves what she wants" hit me hard because we all know it's true and we just don't want to admit it.

no wife happy life

There is no loyalty like the loyalty of another man. Women test you from the moment you gain their interest.

Good one. Matches with my own exp. Marriage terror was inversely correlated to the amount of love that was left in the relationship

This is absolute truth. I once had a girlfriend that I loved very much. But we’ve only been together for a year when she asked me if I would marry her (no timeline, but it was implied that it better be soon). I hesitated in saying yes, and she cried inconsolably for many hours. This reaction scared the shit out of me, and I just got completed turned off on the relationship so we broke up shortly after. She was pretty much perfect, except for this one anxiety about getting married (and she was young, below 30). The big irony about this whole thing is that if we had just continued the same way for another year or two without the marriage pressure, I would have eventually proposed. I would send her this video, but I got a strong feeling that she wouldn’t get it and probably take it as a personal attack on her values and feelings. Oh well. Lesson learnt and we’ve moved on. I hope she’s found the right guy who will marry her.

I had a girl do this to me, you know what I did? Decide not to marry her and break up if she was going to act like that. Congratulations, you played ya self. I won’t be a hostage to emotional manipulation My ACTUAL wife WAS able to show patience when I asked and did not manipulate or try to. And that’s why she became wife, amongst a whole HOST of other reasons why she is 100x better wife material.

Dude, im understanding that im definitely no longer interested in getting married. After reading all the comments and watching this guy along with coach Corey Wayne makes me understand how blessed i am to be single

No marriage. No kids. No cohabitation. Zero tolerance for disrespect. Protect yourself at all times. Good luck, gentlemen.

A chick thought That I didn’t knew she checkout out of the relationship since February. I know the signs. She will pretend to be in love with you, to take the advantages that she wants. I cut my loss short. It feels great to see the RP knowledge served me right.

A woman who is in your frame and considers you a 'catch' will not give you this ultimatum. Period. If the woman is high quality and worth keeping, a man can make his commitment clear and that should resolve the problem. Otherwise, the woman is simply chasing a wedding, a status checkbox, a starter husband, and/or setting you up for fleecing down the road.

One of the best videos you’ve put out. Easily top three. Thank you for your service.

What a great analysis! Such deep insight. I'm starting to connect the dots... Women treat men like jobs... "I want a promotion or I'm quitting." It is a bold move, but one you only play when you're indifferent about the outcome or you have an awful strategy for employing bluffs.

Ultimatums are the ultimate signal of powerlessness. Call them bluffs everytime fellas

You have many great videos, this may be the best one yet!

Facts! I’ve always felt there was something more to women’s motivations and self interest and you have confirmed it through research and data time and time again. Can’t wait for your book to drop.

The best advisor on social media, hands down!! 🙌

Noticeable lighting improvement! I love it

This advice is gold men, the relevant generations are very fortunate to have such gold here for the listening.

Orion..thanks for this .... Can you talk or make a video about dating and relationships for people over 60 which have different needs and goals. I would appreciate a lot because I am very confused about what women in this age bracket want or what to expect of relationships at this time....keep up the great work.... thanks you are a real help to a lot of us

Kudos for the GRE self study program you developed. It's admirable that you share your wisdom, not only for relationships and psychology, but help others succeed passing the GRE!

Marriage is a beautiful union between two individuals, a celebration of love and commitment. Weddings are joyous occasions filled with laughter, tears, and promises of forever. They mark the beginning of a new chapter, a journey of togetherness through life's ups and downs, creating memories that will last a lifetime.

Well put. Love from Kenya.

Good health, FREEDOM and Peace of mind. This is the key to a good life. Marriage is handing in your bawls. I see it cower the strongest men because essentially they have put their whole life on the line, lineage, earnings.

Thanks for keeping it REAL doctor!

Your insight is second to none. Thanks for everything.

Hands down, this channel is probably one of the best sources of advice and information about dating and relationships, that i've found so far. And I've found many.

Arguably the best content provider on the net today. Dilly Dilly, Jolly Well Done

My experience with women that start being tantrummy or applying marriage pressure, is that they'll use these same tactics for EVERYTHING later on. They'll also use sex as a switch to mainly turn off and then turn on only when they want something from you.

This is by far one of my favorites. It has provided me with so much clarity about the status of my relationship and my current and continued approach to it.

Vital information-based on a very discerning observation. Pure Gold!

You are right it is not personal it is just business. A total business win for her. Tell me another business where a person can enter into a business, not contribute to the business and when THEY decide to leave they get to take half of all the cash and prices? Getting married was the worst decision of my life. Not bitter, just a realist.

Don’t get married It’s is a huge loss for men The laws are biased against men You will lose your kids Become an indentured servant to your ex wife And any assets you had previously Not to mention the family dog And house It’s not wise to get married for men

Wow this couldn’t be of better timing to me personally. Great video

Marriage is the greatest relationship killer in the history of the world.

One of the best video from you about relationship for some time 😂 Great job. Good way of thinking about the issues mentioned.

All of this fits roughly 512% with my personal experience. Very insightful, thank you. I’ve learned as much about myself from listening to this as any ex-girlfriend. And that’s what makes it so valuable.

Thank you Orion, love your videos!

Wow. Starting at the 5:50 mark to the 6:09 mark was brutal and by brutal I mean brutal honest truth. That was great Doctor!

Reminds me of my parents' situation. After dating for a while, my father--who had dated around quite a bit--turned to my mother and said, "You're the strangest woman I ever met. I could leave tomorrow and it wouldn't bother you at all." Her indifference had pulled him in, and it was that statement that triggered my mother's emotional involvement with him.

I always appreciate your perspective, Orion. Please consider that some of us woman want to be married because of our spiritual/religious beliefs. I know this isn't the platform for that mindset. It also makes us more respectable in certain circles.

Listened to the last second of the video, thanks for putting the ad at the end! Lets keep your watch minutes at 100%.

I had to watch this twice. I love how you use analogy to explain your thoughts. I wouldn’t marry any woman who gave me an ultimatum! 👍

Wow! Amazing lecture.... best explanation of heterosexual relationship dynamics I've seen. Thank you Orion!

This makes a lot of sense!! Thank you!!

It is maddening how accurate you. It's like I'm an open book. Jesus.

the insight in this video is prodigious

Why oh why did I not realise this before I got pressured into marriage. Once married next thing she wanted as badly was divorce. Her want for both was greater than any love for me.

Wow, this is very eye opening!

Amazing breakdown. This has definitely happened to me.

Me and my Lady are calling each other husband and wife. We both are wearing a golden ring. If a woman is giving you the "need marriage" ultimatum you can be confident that she doesn't love you enough. When a woman truly love you and love the life you give her then she will never give you this ultimatum. My Lady is free to go if she wants, she know this. I've been married before for almost 20 years and you think i will make that mistake again 🤣 You need to provide value for her and then you will never have to endure this ultimatum bullshit.

Yeah I got pressured into marriage and it's true that I was unknowingly a means to an end. I was not the goal just the vehicle to get her to where she wanted. Then she promptly ruined my life. We have children and now unfortunately that requires semi regular contact with someone that is not pleasant to be around because they choose to be unpleasant. Don't get married guys, if she's that concerned with labels and legality then you are not her first choice and you will be replaced eventually.

Excellent video as always! Thanks!

Thank you Orion

I gave in to this and it cost me dearly. I wish I could explain to every young guy how bad of a decision this is. But I was young and stupid. Had to learn the hard way.

As a happily married woman (with a happily married man) I am so confused by this video. "Women only become pushy about marriage because they aren't getting anything else from the relationship" - what? No, a woman who wants marriage commitment and kids, and tells her partner that, is just a normal traditional woman in love. If she expresses that wish and her partner is on a different page, it's normal to ask that question a few more times before deciding to have a painful breakup and move on to someone who wants the same thing.

This is gold, this guy is good

Wonderfully said 👏🏽

Greed is endless. Never try to satisfy it.

Yes. Thank you for this one. My last serious relationship, sex was the last thing on my mind. And she pushed for it sooner than I wanted. And then the pressure for marriage started about a year later. And it is exactly as you have framed it here.

I told the HVM courting me I didn't want there to be any pressure and his entire energy shifted- &he's been showing UP ladies 😘

People don't want to lose the thing they want... that does not mean they want what the other person wants. They both have to want the same type of relationship or it will end. Nobody gets to force anyone into the relationship they want. It must be mutual or it will be externally miserable or it will end. If you don't want to marry but they do, game over. Leave and let them be. Trying to get people to stay in a low commitment relationship is not a functional plan.

I WAITED for my wife to complete her residency & fellowship 1st. So she could start working as an M.D.. We agreed and got engaged a few months after she started working as a doctor. That was 19 years ago. Our marriage has worked out great. FYI - She loved that I helped her study for tests. Sidenote: We both agreed neither of us wanted children

8:36 that was a stunning way of putting all this, indeed. and afore would then even hold 'for the time (or mere turn) being'.

Excellent video👌🏾

I always appreciate Orion’s perspective on things. Many aren’t exactly applicable to me, but I have 5 boys so I’m still concerned with these issues that aren’t. There are women who want a certain lifestyle (they want to marry the lifestyle as someone else put it), but there are also women who want to protect their hearts. As men, we have to distinguish between the two. While it’s completely sane to be frustrated with toxic American women today, it’s not healthy to just lump every woman together or to dismiss a woman instinctively understanding that at some point, if a man loves her, there will be an offer of exclusivity to their relationship. Likewise, there are men who want a certain lifestyle, but there are also men who know deep down the woman isn’t someone he’d want to be with long-term. Women are going to believe they’ll change your mind even if you’re up front with them about not seeing them as a viable long-term fit for you, but I still think it’s better to be honest upfront. I’m not going to shame a woman for wanting to protect her heart. Voicing wanting to get married after a certain amount of time is a test to see if her intuition is right, IMO. Maybe not for all women, but I do believe so for the genuine ones.Whether or not modern marriage is the proper vehicle for a woman’s need for security/proof of a man’s commitment is a different discussion. But it’s only right that one party is paranoid about whether the other party truly loves/wants them or “the thing.” If a man said “put out or get out,” many would laugh and cheer in agreement, quite hypocritically, and lacking the self-awareness to prevent the irony of his disgust or anger about the female version of this (wanting a sign of exclusive long-term commitment). At this point, the dating scene is just a perpetual cycle of wounded people wounding people.

I surely want to know more about your book, Doc!

Thank you for what you do, and for this information.

Hey orion Do you do the art for your thumb nails Love the videos

Pure gold.