Women often complain that the men they're not really interested in always seem to come back, while the men they'd really like to have relationships with never seem to reciprocate their feelings. This is because women do the right things with the wrong men. In this episode, I'll discuss how this influences the good times-to-hassle ratio that is instrumentally related to which women men decide to pursue. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jdiIdd2Cl66odYU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzfaq.info/love/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #women

Women do sexually reward men they find naturally attractive. The problem is women don’t necessarily tend to land these guys because of their vast options, and the men they usually end up settling with they aren’t very sexually enthusiastic about. So they try to prolong the process as much as possible in order to gain as much from the situation as possible. That’s why often times you see husbands say after marriage, their wives completely shut them off. The classic bait and switch.

the truth is in the insidious use of language: 1. "I don't really like this guy" = I am sexually attracted to this guy, but I don't see a long-term potential with him (he may or may not like me back) => act fast 2. "I really like this guy" = I may or may not be sexually attracted to him but I see a long-term potential with him => drag things out, try to trap him actions are louder than words

This is completely logical.... so no woman who doesn't already understand is going to listen.

"Men do not feel liked when interactions with you are difficult, effortful, serious, expensive, inconvenient, and sexually frustrating. Are you listening?" I'm not sure this rhetorical question will land for women, because to them what men don't like isn't their concern.

"Orion you don't get it, my feelings are valid. I know it's real"

Just *flip* the perspective. If a man took most girls he dates to Nobu restaurant but took you, who he REALLY liked to a coffee date, how would you feel knowing he's treating girls he liked less better? Most women would have an issue with this. This is why you should adapt to be a man that's quick to leave them so they go into FOMO mode.

YEP. When woman make it easy for me, I feel invited and accepted. When they make it difficult, I feel pushed away and don’t want to put in effort. That simple.

So be the wrong man

This is 100% true. All of the women I had a long term relationship with didn't play the hard to get game.

Don't save damaged women. It's not the men's job to become their therapist.

Moral of the story: do not play hard-to-get games. Be available and prioritize the men you like the most. Be easygoing

Great point. Over the last 20 years, A number of women have given me great sex, but when I developed feelings for them, they dumped me. I remember thinking “I guess I’ll just tell a girl I love her when I want her to dump me so I can date someone else, and she’ll be the one who feels guilty.” Most of these women are in worse situations now 10 years later, married to losers, divorced, single moms or lesbians.

Adding to the restaurant analogy, men with options also have other restaurants that would love to see them. The food may not be as good, or he's tired of the menu, but the obstacles are low. Hell, sometimes the food even comes to you! Ladies need to realize that to high-value men, you are not the only restaurant in town, no matter how good your food is. The ok pizza down the street that's delivered is the better option some days.

Women, understand it from this perspective. It's like me taking a woman I like to the worst date possible to a one-star date with roaches to see if she actually likes me and taking the woman I don't like to a five-star restaurant with the best service.

The problem is, if she does the "correct thing" with the "man she likes" then when the "man she likes" starts to reach out to her and invest in her to get her to come back, she will start to lose interest because now he is doing the "incorrect thing" with the "girl he likes". If they both do the "correct thing" with the "person they like" they will both be avoiding contact with each other. See how stupid that is?

100%. Im tired of not being rewarded for my time and effort while the others got it up front. It's even worse when they say or elude to their past, but claim either you or them are different now.Turns me off from being interested in pursuing anything further with them.

The title of this video reminds of that scene from "A Bronx Tale" where Robert De Niro tells his son "yeah you did a good thing for a bad man"

Some people will say, men don't mind waiting if the woman in question had the same standards with them as she did with other men. Issue with this reasoning is: how do you know if a woman had the same standards with other men before you? Unless you know this woman for years, you will have to rely on her telling you, her truth. in other words, you will never know. No women with some experience will tell a man they want to settle with that they had 30 one-night stands before him.

This has worked well for me, as a woman who generally behaves very consistently with men regardless of how much I like them.

Yes, indeed. Their judgement is often based upon feelings, which are extremely hormonal. Free will works for all humans, in theory, but in practice, we can see what happens.

Orion the god of analogies 🔥

Exactly right. You can't tell if a woman loves you or hates you. She behaves the same either way.

First time I'm disagreeing with Orion. Women make it very easy for men they have intense, genuine desire for. Women put up obstacles for men they "like" (aka are actually not their first choice).

When I met my GF her Best Friend (female) strongly suggested to make me wait. She didn't list to her and said that she would not play games, because it feels wrong. I was so proud of her when I heard this. We would not be together if she did try to make me wait. Women who do this shit disqualify themselves in such a way and have no one to blame but themselves, they deserver to be with whom they end up with.

However, I don’t understand some of these women and men. How could you have sex with someone you don’t even really like. I am so glad that I was raised different, and I was taught to say no to things I don’t like.

I understand and mostly agree, the only ish I have is that women biochemically bond to men when we have sex with them. Men don’t bond this way (right away). It truly is a potentially more emotionally taxing thing for a woman to sleep with a man too soon before some sort of mutually beneficial agreement is in place. I understand life comes with inherent risks but I’m not gonna intentionally bring a bunch of heartache onto myself

Men don't mind waiting if the woman in question had the same standards with him as she did with other men. But if she in the past didn't put up many obstacles for other men and just initiated an intimate relationship with little hassle then other men are not going to like that they're the ones that have to jump over twenty obstacles to get what others got with just five because it shows that either she isn't consistent with her standards or that it's clear she isn't as interested in him as she was with the ones she made things easy with.

Women DO let the men they like cut the line and DO put the men in queue who they like less. They put the men they like on a short-term basis in front of the line and the men they like on long term basis have to stay in line

What I have learn so far: people really hate free lodging in every sense.

The art of being a marriage-material woman is to provide the man with said positive fun-to-hassle-ratio, without having to immediately resort to sex to provide fun. Giving away your body shouldn't be your only option to make time with you desirable. Femininity, beauty and inspirational support have a massive impact on a man's emotional state around you.

This dynamic is exactly why Ive been single for 95% of my life. "I really like you, so Im gonna make you responsible for all my negative emotions and insecurities." However, Ive chosen poorly most of the time, and not recognized the couple of good ones I had. Im at fault too. If she doesnt have the sense to not be a gigantic hassle in the beginning, shes going to grow into a gargantuan hassle in 3 months. Its always the 3 month mark where the facade slides off. Like the end of an episode of Scooby Doo.

The women with whom I have had long-term relationships were the ones that made it the easiest on me. But, inevitably, those relationships ended because it became not so easy to be with them. I know it's not the doctor's intent with his videos but each one just further cements my decision to just give up on women and relationships.

I am 44 and thought i knew a lot about psychology and human nature, yet every time I watch one of these videos i learn something. I recently single (5 months ago) i have been applying these principles and my god… so so effective

Good guy: She receives more than she gives. Bad Boy: She gives more than she receives.

I bet his advice will fall on deaf ears.

A friend of mine that I had a casual hookup relationship with back in grad school, was surprised that her current boyfriend was pissed when she told him that she used to hookup with the guy that she used to study all night with ( me), before they met. She was like " why should he feel raw about the fact that she used to sleep with someone before she met him?". I asked her how long they were together before they slept with each other, she said around 6 months. And she went on to give the same female logic of " we didn't mean anything to each other, just 2 bored students trying to unwind after hours of studying", but with him, it's special and she wanted to make sure he was invested in her before she allowed him access to her physically. In her head, she thinks that he's getting her best and I only got "scraps", as she said "with him, she makes love, with me, it was just sex", I had to explain to her exactly what the Dr said in this video, ie he feels like he's getting the short end of the stick because unlike him, I didn't have to take her on a single date, buy her flowers or anything other than a pizza here and there that we often split. We didn't have to go anywhere other than the library and back to my apartment or her dorm room and yet I got to explore her body countless times while he had to wait 6 months.

Had a girl I went out with a few times with tell me on the first date that she had been hooking up after she broke up with her ex bf. The first date went well but on the subsequent dates she told me how she wanted to wait and that she had been celibate for the past year etc etc. She justified it by saying that she was taking me seriously and that's why she wanted to wait. I don't really even believe what women say anymore but the fact that she was putting this barrier between us was a major turn off. She was saying how guys just F her and leave her and here is my dumb a@& entertaining her lol. She actually had a good personality and I would've hit her up again but she kinda didn't let it happen. Maybe I should stop telling women my profession and other things and just lie and say I'm a bum with no car or credit 😂 thats gotta be it

"Take it slow" will never work unless you're a virgin with physical proof. Even then, it's not so much of a plus as counteracting the negative. Plus, if he ever finds out you used to play lose and fast with random lesser men, you just killed any chance of marriage. My wife was a first generation Chinese immigrant. She moved in with me less than 2 weeks after we met. She was a virgin, and not aggressive at all, just wanted to stake out the best prospect before it gets taken. I was fit, 6' tall, made low 6 figures straight out of college. She was a head shorter than me, not particularly pretty, cooks and cleans, but not particularly well. Today, we have a son and built a business that yield mid 6 figures. It's also seasonal, so we have 5 month long vacations out of the year. She wasn't dealt a great hand, but played it well. All it took was acting rational instead of playing women's mind games. Meanwhile, plenty of women ruin a great hand by following women logic.

Another brilliant show!

Thanks! One of the best so far!

I'm liking and commenting before the ad is even over because I know this is gonna be a great video.

It is always great to be the man they regretted being with

When a woman truly wants you, she makes it very easy. High good-times/hassle ratio. If you ever find yourself wondering if a woman is interested in you.... she isn't. If a woman implies, or flat out tells you, you're going to wait for sex, the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

Been waiting for this one

It’s often hard to listen to your truths, but this one is amazing.

I would really like to see a collaboration with Orion Taraband and Sadia Khan. That would be insights to the deepest levels.

Once again hitting us with pure gold. Insane.

They put these obstacles because of insecurity. Same way if you´re insecure you test the relationship so much it becomes toxic and the person leaves. They are sabotaging the relationship because deep down they don´t believe they are deserving. For men, this is good. The one putting obstacles is an insecure one and you should move along.

I used to be okay with a bit of chase, I like the hunt, it's the game in the end. But with MeToo and women not being traditional at all nowadays, my tolerance for the "chase me" attitude is WAY lower, even if there are other indicators that she likes me. It's unfortunate cause I've seen some women really wanting me to keep approaching but the there's also the danger of becoming one of her "fans"... they've shot themselves on the foot big time.,

Keep these coming big dawg

In all fairness, us men also get anxiety, and act weird with the women we really like. We are more indifferent with the women we are less attracted to, and those are the women we usually sleep with on a regular basis.

He’s assuming she slept with this man, she didn’t. She used him for a place to stay.

And a large part of the problem is that women have lost sight of the primary principle of "making a guy wait" in order to get him to commit. The POINT is to _demonstrate that you are not easy to get such that you're not likely to be easily gotten by other guys" - fidelity. But the problem here, is trying to play that game when you have a demonstrated history of yes, you ARE easily gotten by any number of guys, even guys you don't actually like. That completely nukes the whole premise of any "making a guy wait" game. This then has the OPPOSITE effect. Not ONLY can I see that you ARE easily gotten by other guys, but because you make me wait, I'm going to assume you like me less than ANY of those other guys who easily got you and you're MORE likely to cheat with ANY other guy just as easily as all the other guys who got you with NO EFFORT, WITHOUT being made to wait.

Leave him alone is best advice ever. This guy giving you the cheat codes.

However what Orion fails to mention in this video, is that women make the betas wait because there is no organic desire there. The girl in his example, says that "she doesn't like the guy" but in fact she does like him because she gives it to him... With the pretext of a free night stay. She might say "I don't really like this guy" but in her eyes he's an alpha.

This is why I stopped dating. When I hit my late twenties every woman started doing this crap. I'm not paying higher prices for a used car.

Kant has volumes to say about the woman who “didn’t really like the guy.” She appears to have wanted a free meal, sex and place to stay for the night and dishonestly used him to do it, making him a pawn and the means to an end. If a man did this to a woman, he would be a thought of as deceptive scumbag. Apparently, if a woman does this, she feels she’s being clever. If she had been honest with him and told him that she just wanted to have some loving fun for the night until morning, she would not be using him as means to an end. She would be treating him like a person and not as a plaything by offering full disclosure. My guess is that he would have said yes anyway. This woman clearly views men as something to be manipulated for her own benefit. Not a good look for her.

I feel like this contradicts some of the other things you have said women should do …

Good times to hassle ratio? BRILLIANT!

omg, dude you're so great at explaining these issues! Thank you!

They don't want success, they want DRAMA and victim stories to tell each other and "someone to pay for me" not "someone to love". Someone good is BORING to them.

It's really strange to hear this for me. I don't have casual stuff with people I don't like, and if I sleep with a guy, it means I would like to date them. But somehow it still ends up with me being the only one who plans dates or wants to advance the relationship. They just want to have sex on their terms and don't offer the emotional side of the relationship. And then I leave. I really think I want to try dating guys who want to be my friend first and not sleep with anyone until I know they also like me as a person. Sucks to be a no hassle good times girl who supports their dreams and puts my needs on hold only to find out they want a "no expectations" situation :( makes you feel like the wonderful relationship you want to offer is some kind of a disgusting deadly disease to them.

I love this youtube channel and its so true! I always know what Im doing.

This guy was in HIS BAG today! I must've done like 3 standing ovations to this video before it ended. 😆👌🔥

You left out that the guys they want relationships with, don't want relationships.

This is why it's better to be the F'boy. Women tend to bond through sex so if you sleep with them they will eventually try to start a relationship. If she doesn't, she's probably broken. Assuming she's psychologically OK, and you like her, then you can agree to the relationship, BUT you are in the enviable position of having set the expectations low and having her chase you. This is sooo much better than simping your way into a relationship because female expectations are a one way ratchet.

I LOVE this content! Very eye opening! Thank you!

Absolutely awesome 👏 you nailed it again!

Man I wish you were around back when I was in my 20's and 30's.

Dr. Orion 👍🏿.......Much Love From Ghana 🇬🇭

Probably your best episode to date 👌

Thank you very much Dr. T. This one was enlightening.

I do remember the sidewalk in downtown Montreal where I found 10 $ in the summer of 1985.

This man always talks truth... THumbs up my friend.

Epic video Dr. That leave em alone x3 killed me 🤣

Would this not result in women simply being ran through by innumerable men? Maybe advocating that your daughter give herself to whatever man she’s interested in is not the best advice from a psychological perspective. I understand some of your points on this, but considering one of the bigger complaints of men today is that they can’t find a woman who hasn’t been with so many men, it seems like this advice is counterintuitive to long-term healthy relationships.

Well this is was so spot on that- you pretty much covered it. 😂 the only thing that came to mind was that I did this more in my early 20s when I had no idea what I was doing in terms of sex and dating. I remember a guy I really liked got mad at me for having sex with someone a year prior to us meeting who I wasn’t serious with, but was making him wait. I tried to explain the ‘why’ behind it being I liked him and didn’t want to rush anything (it made sense to me at the time lol) but didn’t understand my perspective and never let that go. My dating style and understanding of how men view sex vs women has drastically changed since then though and I completely agree with not making obstacles for the men that we do like. Sometimes we do this subconsciously though because insecurities do pop up. and fear takes the wheel. Loving this series & great brain food as always!

Great episode!

Quite the titillating watch, Dr. Taraban. Something about your delivery firmly pinned me into my feminine. Very high good time/informative to hassle ratio. Do it again, please😊

To be fair as women we are told by men that we are trash for having sex too early, that we don’t value ourselves and therefore a man wouldn’t either. It’s like a battlefield of feedback out there for us.

Just brilliant insight. Just how men think.🎉

Ohhhh!!!! I loved this!!!! What a very revealing scenario that perfectly describes my current situationship!

Another banger from Orion.

10:22 noooo if you don’t really like the guy, don’t give him a chance at all. men’s mental health is in crisis and this is one of the biggest reasons why. stop stringing along men knowing he will never have a shot at anything outside of the friendzone.

If her friend was that way, chances are the GF was that way too. Very telling. You are who your friends are. Idk how women can do that.

Love this video.

Really GOOD, DR. ORION

Doctor trys to educate women even though they probably won't accept it. Because they don't feel like it. Still, I appreciate it, doctor.

Man, you just ruined my life. All those one night stands were failures and my ex actually liked me?

Wow, really great perspective

You are fn hilarious and on point as always! Love ya! Thank ya! 😘😁

I’ve heard this so many times from women and in their heads in makes logical sense. I’m really attracted to you so I won’t sleep with you on the first date because I really like you and want to see you again. So if you would sleep with me if you weren’t attracted to me? That literally makes no sense and is an instant turn off.

It sounds plausible but it goes completely against the behavioural principle of valuing what you put in effort into earning much more than what came too easily. No way is that not true. Yes men might call you back for easy sex but they will not put you into the relationship category. That’s why casual situationships and FWB almost never convert to real relationships.

the restaurant analogy was crazy good at the end

Soo helpful, thank you!

Sounds like bad advice, but a fantastic way to create all those high body count women you object to. The optimal strategy would seem to be one that makes men and women pay the same price per copulation. This price is paid in opportunity cost, diminished value, and various forms of financial exchange. Included in this calculation involves a certain amount of waiting to ascertain value. It's hard to see in any scenario where early sex is net beneficial to women.

if women do the right things with wrong men then the natural conclusion is never to be the right man

You are the master Dr Orion 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Perfectly said