Even if you help and stay close to a narcisist, attending to their needs, they can't accept your happiness and will do everything in their power to destroy it, I think that's the most unbearable truth to accept and deal with, they are incredibly selfish individuals 🧐

What’s so crazy to me is that they are so toxic they are able to abuse their children and be jealous of them

Going no contact and staying that way solves the problem.

I believe that the most difficult skill to master to stay free from a narcissist is radical acceptance. We had desperately wanted the narcissist to be reasonable and have common sense, but the problem is, narcissists lack empathy and do not care about your feelings or emotions. The more we try to reason with such unreasonable people, the more we ended up getting bitter.

That evil person you see under the mask is who the narcissist is. Imagine that creature alone with itself. The thoughts it has must be horrible. Its a Gollum.

My sister bullied me for years from childhood into adulthood, she called me miss piggy, would flick my nose and make boinging sounds and she would do it in front of others to embarrass and shame me. She always wanted to measure around my legs, and compare them to her smaller size legs, she would put my jeans on, and say, I can take them off without even unzipping them. Years later, I started to get in really good shape, and she could never compliment me, in fact, she looked to find something wrong with me yet again.

We get addicted to our own giving and loving nature in relation to narcissist, there is no one there to love, love yourself the only one who will appreciate your love.

Trying to hear your own true voice in your head, and not the narcissists voice…

“If you’re a giver, remember to learn your limits . . . Because the takers don’t have any.” I saw this meme on the web a few days ago, so succinct. Thank you, Dr, Carter, for your work towards Team Healthy. You’ve been a tremendous blessing to so many, not least of all, yours truly. 👨🏼‍🎨❤️

My policy is that if someone is hurting me, I'm going to get that person out of my life no matter what I have to do. Change jobs, change location, end relationships, get big and scary myself.... I don't care what I have to do. I'm not living with someone like that. I'm not settling for a life of pain management.

I am going to have a good life regardless of what the narcissists have brought into my life. Power words!

I guess if they are skilled at attacking , we must be skilled in staying free grom their evil . Thank you Dr.Carter .

Going into their crazyland is never, ever, ever an option. The black hole grows ever deeper and their hatred of you only grows even when they get 100% deference from anybody.

Narcissists live in a world of fantasy...when I understood this my life become more simple..

When you lose with a narcissist you are really the winner

They are committed to picking fights and causing problems that they then blame on you. I totally believe in prayer. It’s the only way out. Another tip- keep those who truly matter to the smallest number possible. Namely your own family. Example : there’s 4 in mine. 2 barely grown sons and my husband. I have nurtured healthy relationships with my sons and we all know what narcissism is. When they do have girlfriends they know what to watch for and they know a healthy gf won’t cause problems between them and me…. But really when all else fails- PRAY. It works! There is a higher power that cares deeply for you. He cares about what you care about.

Gus gives me peace in his still serenity. Knowing he is perfectly well taken care of, and safe and his environment. He is what we all hope for to achieve in our own existence. We all live in our pet family where animals teach us to be.

How truly "likeable" is the narcissist you think you are "trauma bonded" with? Sit down, pen and paper, and make a list. Likable vs unlikable. Are the real links/addictions/connections material based? Surface based? Work on self first, and the knots unravel. Where there's a will for escape, the road to it will rise.

Sick of walking on eggshells around them!

My best time is when he ignores me. I get to breath and relax. So I am learning to ignore him. Then I can breath anytime I want to.

becoming a boundary bad-ass is a heavily underrated skill that isn't emphasized enough in school and society. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

Dr. Carter is a gem, a giant among men. Thank you for all you do!

It’s such a counterintuitive concept to understand to someone who is the target of a narcissist. Your generosity, loving nature makes them resent you even more! It doesn’t make sense but that’s the truth. They find a way to criticize your generosity. Ever been called cheap? Weak? Well that’s their response to kindness.

Try telling this to a victim of narcissistic abuse who is trauma bonded, co dependent and who presents with attachment disorder. To others, before they become entangled 1) walk away for your own mental well being 2) g rock 3) walk away and maintain NO contact. Focus inwards which takes courage and honesty. We need to love ourselves before we can give love. There's plenty of good in this world but there are also twisted and insidious individuals just waiting to ensnare you. Learn about the red flags to watch for and save yourself from the pain, grief and sequelae that results from playing from the narc's playbook.

Big hugs and kisses for Gus

You were a part of my very successful handling of dealing with a narcissistic sister and flying monkey sisters-in-law. I very often internally repeated your words "No thanks, I'm leaving the arena. Watch me live a life of goodness." I did it!! It is 4+ years now since I stood up for myself. Thank you so much Dr. C. I love the situation now. It is just how I hoped it would be. You CAN get to a place of peace with yourself. May all of you keep going and stay strong.. xoxo

I got talked out of my home and my equity by a narcissist who wrecked my life l and thought nothing of it. I've been trying to rationalize it, but there is no excuse for the evil this person unleashed upon me. It's so difficult to keep myself from wishing horrible things on this person, but it wastes so much of my time and energy. I just have to focus on the right now.

Those that believe in prayer…prayer pls for someone so abused that they are trauma bonded and having trouble making clear decisions to save their life. The N. is causing them further health problems…thanks. Thinking that empathetic-types tend to have less self-preservation, as benevolent as they are…just my thoughts. Looking forward to watching this and learning more. Evil never wins despite what it may look like now on earth…the narcs are not happy and they drag others down to their level in my experience. Cutting the cord is the only way

The idea of ambiguity reminds me of all the times my mom wouldn’t give me details such as when she was going to arrive or that she was bringing a friend or when she planned to leave. I must have been 40 when I caught on that it wasn’t normal. She brought her chaos along with her and I was expected to roll with the punches.

Hey Team Healthy friends 😊♥️

You have to give up on the narcissist.

I just walked the hell out for good that’s what I did right from the start I refused to hear anything said it would only be lies. Narcissists are needy they need someone to badger to give them that feeling of control they’re twisted so don’t waste your time they’ll never feel anything they’re incapable

I'm no longer the supply for the narcissist. I k ow how now to play for the long game for those who count. It's a beautiful place. Thanks, Dr Carter....

For many years there was an unspoken rule that I wasn't allowed to talk badly/tell the truth about the covert narc I was married (33+ years) to or the narc's family. There was a lot of anxiety that I had as to what could happen if I dare spoke up to people about the narc abuse that was going on. I shouldn't have stayed quiet.

Binary thinking is torturous, we must learn to live with ambiguity, we can not change others, only ourselves and we must do so in order to make it through with our dignity, respect and civility in place. Thank you so much dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

I used to always keep a copy of Narcissus beside me to ward off evil doers. I was too young to understand narcissism, but the fact I am still here and my narc abusers have met their fate speaks volumes.

Thank you for your help! I used to think Narcissists were all obnoxious, bullies and self-centered. I had a covert narcissist ex, which was good because it helped see my Mother as a covert narcissist. My 6 siblings are constantly picking fights over petty things and cruel to each other. I moved away a long time ago for self preservation. Coverts are tricky. They have well rehearsed kind and even fun public faces that go away at home. I am seeing a therapist, I am my Mother’s scapegoat, thankfully!

Thank you for excellent insights dr. Carter . . Reminder : narcissists have evil intentions all the time , even if they speak "nice". Never try to help them , put strong boundaries , limit communication, or still better . No contact! Evil is destroying itself , we should never intervene in their destructive process. Blessings . 🥰

I love 💕 Gus!! I miss my little Sandy! 😢She was so sweet! Had her for (17) yrs. Lovely small dog 🐶. I cried with her lost. She was so much comfort.❤

Thank you Dr Les and Gus for an excellent video. My mother is a sociopath, my father is a malignant narcissist. After a good decade of work, this is what I now understand... 1. They hurt you/get in where you need healing 2. The vile lies they tell about you to slander and smear you results in you having to heal your persecution wounds and not care what others think 3. You need to build your own identity and heal all inner child wounds BUT once you do that, you reach a higher level of ascension and awakening where they can't touch you, you don't care what others think of you THEN quantum law kicks in, as within so without, and higher powers start reacting to your core vibration BECAUSE you've healed and they can't get in. Then there's nothing for them to destroy, the energy turns back on them and people start realising something isn't right, they slip up and make mistakes, others start to see the true them and move away etc. Once you heal and hold your own vibration, they can't get to you resulting in their truth being revealed to others.

Thank you Dr. Carter. I was just layed off work this week. During the termination meeting, I was sad but accepting that it was time for me to move on for my health, etc.. Although the letter claims the layoff was due to restructuring, it was apparent that the Store Manager had a personal agenda involved which was made clear when I received a particularly sadistic-looking smirk on his face when he concluded reading the termination notice to me. I suspect that the store manager is high in narcissistic characteristics and I accept that I have no ability to change him. Thank you again, Dr. Carter for your help to recognise and accept reality; I will try to stay firmly set in my good character and move on with hope rather than being a victim.

No evil will NOT win! Overcome evil with good

So leaving, going no contact and staying gone? That's definitely the only thing that works. That trauma bond feels next to impossible to break.

5:40 I read The Discourses of Epictetus a long time ago. He was a major Stoic philosopher and stoic philosophy teaches What you can control and what you can't. Basically all you can control are your thoughts and reactions. (Since you can get sick, you can't even really totally control your body.) It really helps. Also, Al-Anon teaches the "victim" to go on with life no matter what the narcissist (alcoholic) does. It really helps and you can talk out your frustrations with sympathetic, knowledgeable people.

1. We are limited in what we can change. 2. Imperative thinking doesn't work. 3. Judgmental thinking keeps you in turmoil. 4. There are many traps in codependent thinking - reacting to what rhey do and say. 5. I have today. What characteristics and priorities am I going to focus on at the present time? 6. Binary thinking is tormenting. Love is real, kindness matter, there are still good people. Disappointments don't define me. I will have a good lufe despite what the troubled person has brought to me.

I dissociated through most of this and that is the survival skill that I used when around Narcissists..

I just want to help. And I think I can. And that, my friends, is something they can use to their advantage.

I used to be confused about my older brother's behavior. I used to ring him almost daily ... he would ring me every year. Kind of a big imbalance. When I confronted him the reply was 'if anyone wants to talk to me , they can ring me' >>>>> ENTITLEMENT !!!! No reciprocity.

Wow. Judgment doesn’t produce change, only bitterness. I needed to hear that.

Dr. Carter, thank you for your help. I have a counselor. One month and four days of no-contact with my narcissistic dad. I still think about him. My life is so much better and easier without dealing with him. I feel free!

Hard to accept less than perfect ... it's tough. Peace in midst of chaos ...quite honestly, I'm 73 and STILL wandering in the wilderness. Will I ever get there this side of heaven?

Powerful and impactful therapy to start my day! Ambiguity exists for my peace. I’ll have to watch this one a few more times for it to sink in. Thanks for caring and carrying me through the most difficult life’s journey I’ve had to experience. DrC ❤️

Thank you Dr. C! After almost 50 years I'm finally learning how to survive in my relationship (understanding my reality of the situation) and finding more happy moments for myself. I didn't find it through self-focus methods but through GOD focused love which runs mutual. My Lord offers me a free gift of forgiveness and love! Friends who share my mutual love for Jesus is also rewarding!

Hello team healthy. Gotta share this story. My 102 year mom is wearing down, hospice is working with her maybe couple days. My71 year old brother is true narcissist he and his wife have been taking care of her for last couple of years at mom’s house. I mentioned to my sister the song “I did it my way” should be somewhere in her funeral. She mentioned it to brother about this song. My brother responded that the song should be “we did it our way”. Wow. I will not dignify a response to this but had to share this note. Blessings to all of you.

I’m assuming this strategy is if you cannot go no contact? I don’t think that was mentioned in the video. No contact is the best solution in my opinion and I’ve been there several times after trying for years to live with and maneuvering around the narcissists unpredictable explosive nature. It’s a fine line you end up walking trying to be reasonable with a narcissist. Your feet get very sore walking on eggshells all the time. If you just cannot go no contact for work or complicated family reasons then this is great advice, god bless you.

Thank you for these videos, Dr. Carter! We lost my Mom 3 months ago but the reality was that her narcissistic husband had become such a nasty controlling jerk that we lost her joyful self about two years ago as he made the relationship erratic, mean, and hateful toward her and us. I have decided to go no contact with him ever again. That has brought me some conflict but much more peace. I have watched your videos and they have helped me gain awareness and set my own boundaries. When I die and stand in judgement, I can accept that I ended this controlling relationship without any regrets.

Thank you for this video Dr Carter , I found a sense of peace today by praying this morning for my tormentors to experience a happy and blissful life … I experienced after doing that a sense of peace settle over me 🙏

This scenario was ambiguous to its fullest potential. I had to be steadfast in my thoughts asking for assistance from Tarot readers for truth and clarity. His behavior was obnoxious with irrelevant information. I knew this person through a medical encounter causing me to have trust in him, consequently never to doubt his character. I was very disappointed at this outcome. I am very grateful that there were outlets for contact as this person was a numerologist with powers of decrement, claiming to have knowledge for a better future. I was totally surprised when he acknowledged that we were soul mates and twin flames Feeling very blessed to have saved ties. Starting to feel wholesome and happy within, I feel very blessed to have reach this level of peace, respect and integrity. Thank you so much for your ongoing support. God bless, ❤

Dr. Guard Carter, you are a GIF to so many of us. My life has been stabilized. I am strengthened and I am moving along well finally I embrace who I am no longer needy no longer tolerated so much better thank you they are helpless dangerous people married to one more than 30 years, I am free emotionally. Mentally you are an extraordinary teacher.

This is basic common sense and only answer to survive narc, whether an adult child or partner. Many thanks Dr C.

it's definitely easier to disengage than feed in to the conflict - better to find independence than expecting them to find common ground - i appreciate your guidance

I read some of the comments about praying for the narcissists. People need to be praying for their victims, not the abuser. They are evil!

I listened to this at least 20 times. Thanks 😊

Evil wins if we let it,Go your healthy way! Thank you Doctor Carter another brilliant video with entirely different angle!

My ex is a covert narcissist and I have a small child with her. That’s something I had to learn and accept early that she is who she is, no matter how much I used to fight and argue with her and try to change her mind or have her view common sense. She’s who she’s going tobe so I had to learn to let it go. I’m grey rock around her and keep things surface level unless it has something to do with my daughter. Took a long time to let it go but when I did a weight of stress fell off my shoulders and I could purely focus on myself and having that breathing room away from her.

Yes ,yes sounds good- free from narc.

This is exactly what our therapist has been trying to tell me. The uncertainty in life feels so overwhelming. I find it so hard to accept and really appreciate this video expounding on this. ❤

I have had to simply go no contact. My mother is a very abusive narcissist and my father & siblings enable her. I’ve moved across the country and been forced out of survival to have nothing to do with them.

I always enjoy watching your cozy dog in the background:) He is so well behaved and respectful. Definitely not a narcissist!

Thanks again. I love the bit about living with ambiguity, and ‘there are sometimes not clear solutions’ that is very powerful. My narcissist has gone into hiding.I never see him. I am moving forward in a healthy way. There is so much to do in life.things that are fun.that narcissist is not in charge of me. Thanks for your support dr carter. Rock on. Judy from uk

Ambiguity, love and good people exist,have it. Shakespeare's Polonius said in Macbeth, "To each their own." is my advice to narcissist. I see they are going to start in, and I've tried to explaining physics to my parents when I was younger. I give in to noble silence everytime now. True, the mental and or physical distance must be maintained for me. I didnt know why, but do now. 20/20 hindsight I got triggered with gaslighting like a moth to the flame. Thanks for the guidance Doctor Carter!🙏🧐

Yes, this is hard. I am trying to be more like my most beloved types of dogs, shepherds, as I move forward. They are loving & protective of their own, but they move on with their life & duties regardless of bad actors who may come by. In the past I have only been focused on kindness, but you must also have the necessary roughness & stoicism, like shepherd dogs. ❤

Your advice is surprisingly accurate when it comes to an engineer having to work in a corporate place. There's also never-ending ambiguity and never-satisfied hope for reason... Thank you!

I love this channel because it isn’t focused solely on romantic relationships as most of them are. I can’t begin to describe how much these videos have changed my life. It has provided me with the coping skills I desperately needed to survive my lifelong relationship with a narcissist. The best lesson I’ve learned is that I’m not crazy after all. I should have been able to see that just by watching her deteriorated relationships with everyone else in her life including a restraining order from her son, but the power and mind games perpetrated by narcissists are a force to be reckoned with. Thank you Dr C for these amazing videos.

Thank You speaking in such a manner...that I hear Jesus! Truly GOOD

What i have learned from living with a narcissist is that it is just a lesson. You can't control them and if you don't want them to control you, you have to learn that the only thing that you can change is your mind. Granted it is a hard one but if you learn to do that you will not think all the time about it. If you create a window for your mind to say ok I worry just 10 minutes a day about it and then I'm done you will slowly change your mind.

Thanks Doc. It’s an ongoing process to get to peace. But ultimately you have to make a choice. I am trying very hard to choose the light and be mindful of my approach to everyday life. This video was very helpful, thank you. I still feel pity for my exwife. She lives in a world that is devoid of trust, vulnerability authenticity and openness. It must be horrible to be trapped in your own prison, too fearful to be honest with yourself, your family or the world.

Dr. Carter, this is one of your best. That was me, getting all upset at idiots not understanding logic, and common sense, but they are allowed free will. I just need to stop accepting idiots, and bailing out idiots financially.

My mother is such a narcissist she actually abuses her Amazon Alexa. I heard her yell Alexa stop the music! I SAID STOP !

Thank you for this. It seems to apply to pretty much everything. I'm glad to be reminded of the freedom won in accepting ambiguity.

Thank you Dr C!! You have a way of helping us see there is life beyond the trap & being "turned every which way but loose" by this unhealthy relationship. ❤

I just needed to hear this today. I needed to be reminded to hold on to love, kindness & know that there are good people out there. Thank you, Dr. C for this reminder.

Please pray for protection from cult bullies..

Using mindfulness meditation to develop self love and compassion is so important when having to live with this situation. You must learn to respect yourself the narcissist in your life will never show any respect for you. Mindfulness can help you become that stronger person who can surface from the toxic waters of these relationships and live your own life, it is not easy, it takes time and commitment but it does work.

Thank you always DEAR DR.C and GUS. I so appreciate all your videos! From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

Thank you for this Dr C! I learn from you and ❤to see Gus resting peacefully ❤.. I realized by living my best life and being my best self (happy) which is the exact opposite of the narcissist.. it's possible but difficult to do but once you can it will be easier I promise ❤.. please remember those folks are dangerous and never going to change

I've estranged myself from someone i believe is like a narcissist, and a couple family members think i just need to be loving! It doesn't work.

Thank you!!!!!! Very liberating way of coping with such people, we have to work on that skill for our own benefit... 🙏

@Marcus_Quote "To live a good life: We have the potential for it. If we learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference." Difficult skill indeed, but knowing that's what it takes already makes a difference. Thank you Dr. C & Gus 🤠👍

I am now free from my malignant narcissist husband. ❤ Been two and a half years. The no contact is not 100% but as time goes it will be... Soon. God willing. Very little contact at the moment. Which is life changing for the better. I am now, 2.5 years into the recovery process. I want to say, please, the recovery process is almost just as bad as the abuse at times. If you suffered emotional spousal abuse by a malignant narc spouse and in particularly one who used reactionary abuse mind games on you. If you were emotionally psychopathically abused by one, as a spouse, on a high scale. The recovery process will include many things and including some shock at realizing what really happened and the list goes on.. Yes, get out as soon as you can. 🎉

Great insights! Thank you Dr. C. This may be one of your best videos yet. You are saving lives for those of us teetering on the abyss of devastating negative self-talk. Your voice and professionalism is needed in our broken world. You have an insight of the gospel that is really great as well - and needed. We need you! Thank you for your labor of love- to help us become happy and loved and free!

No dont ever let go of your common sense!

I wish i did not feel guilty for going no contact, it's very easy when they're not contacting you either, but when they, in my case my father, text out of the blue asking why i still haven't called, when he asked me to after my mom has passed.. the mom who he mistreated and blamed all the divorce on. i hate the guilt of it all, its not that im 100% innocent, because i kno im not, but i cant do any more toxic anything anymore. ❤

My issue with a narcissist is trying to get them to see what they are doing vs what they think or feel what they are doing. Yet I already know they don’t care nor do they want to care because their agenda is always first on that agenda.

I’m back meditating and reading my spiritual books and it’s something I always did and yet I never really felt comfortable doing that because .. if I wanted to read I’d be accused later on that switch behaviour scrutiny and so on.. apparently it’s because I was being distant with him lately.. I was sat at the side of him. I’m taking a good year or 2 to heal ❤

Yes! I have consciously decided to check out of the political drama. If someone wants to talk about problem solving awesome but I am done with engaging in the identity politics!!

Thank you very much dr Carter. ALL you say is absolutely eminent true and full of knowledge. I do not have any NPD partner now living with me but plenty of people like friends exbosses extended family and some N elementy I recognize in my grown up son living working in a diff country but coming home to stay. Thank you for your making me aware. And its always nice to hear you see you and your dog in a nice looking room. All the Best.

Such a lovely doggy on the sofa.❤ Great casts!

Incredible video Les. You give us such deep wisdom to work with. It made me think about how there are so many people with that dedication to the irrational and it makes me think of the bigger picture of the world and how that plays out in it. I can let go and find my piece in amongst this dedication instead of being upset by it constantly. This video really helps me to understand that. You’re right there are so many things we cannot control and change on the Macrocosm and this is also the case on the microcosm.

Having a bad day. Looking for work, back living in my car soon. My trigger having another woman once again condoning my being assaulted physically, vehicle, because I compost. 50 years worth experienced gardener. My self care. Thank goodness I've been a strong and resilient woman. No one can help. Hard worker funny hasn't work for me. Married a golddigger and sick sick sick. Thank you for your work. Knowledge is my power, learned too late sadly, lol long story getting legal drugs off the market.