So she has established complete control over intimacy through emotionally abusing her husband.

I was trying to be intimate with my wife, initiating contact and when I asked her " what do you feel?" She said "nothing" that killed my mood. This limits me from initiating things again.

Some women's logic: I want a fairhful loving husband who is a provider but i dont want him to bother me with sex 😂🙄

I'm surprised he hasn't left yet I feel really bad for him

Over 30 years later, the pain of rejection still lingers. Did it the " right way" by marriage,& got rewarded with zero intimacy.

Women don’t blame themselves for anything.

Why the hell would you marry someone you don’t feel safe around? 🤦🏾‍♂️

If a wife doesnt feel safe with her husband FUCKING LEAVE don’t emotionally and sexually abuse us for the rest of our marriage - GROW UP WOMEN!!! You knew our sex drive when you met us - it doesnt change

Your husband is a saint. Your lucky to still have him.

My wife has not had sex with me for 13 years. She doesn’t even like me to touch her. She makes mean comments to me over little meaningless issues. I am so tired of being lonely all the time.

the big question is this: if the husband have not changed since dating time, why would the wife feel unsave and the need for more and more boundaries? If the husband also suddenly feels like he should draw more boundaries at the same time because he feels a certain way about the wife with no apparent reason, can you imagine how the marriage will end?

Bait and switch , that's what y'all do . Before marriage it's on . After marriage all of a sudden there's no time .

It’s been off and said by many marriage and family counselors, “the one who controls the bed controls the direction of the marriage“. I would add, for better or worse.

Watching this hurt my brain.

Seriously marriage is such a bad deal for men . I am glad that men do not want to do it anymore.

What rubbish! You claim to have needed safety in the safest place you could possibly be. But safety is not what you needed, as you already had that, but what you really wanted was control. So intimacy is completely on your terms. Your husband doesn’t get a vote. And all that time you spent dodging his advances, avoiding his embrace, refusing his initiatives, you were crushing his manhood. So now you no longer have a husband. You have a pet. And he’s been neutered.

If you don’t feel safe with him then you need to leave him.

It’s all about her…never any obligation…even though it’s not what we want. All we want is validation for our needs and feelings. Stop thinking everything is about you and love your fucking spouse.

Its BS. If your wife disgusts u stop paying all the bills. Dont be her little slave

"I dont feel safe" is the new cope. Ive heard so many toxic women who say that instead of saying they dont want you.

You sound like way too much effort. Life is hard enough without a partner like this

When the stars align, you will feel safe and sex will occur. No wonder why divorce occurs so often.

My lady and I have this issue. She comes up with excuses all the time on why she doesn't consult with her friends and or a therapist for years now and now I'm starting to feel trapped by love. She's been married two times before and has children from her previous relationships. When getting to know her she says that her exes cheated on her so she left. I'm sorry to say but now I'm starting to understand why it didn't work out. I feel so depressed with the lack of basic affection. She only peck kisses and gives awkward hugs. She doesn't compliment me until I bring it to her attention. I used to think it was me and maybe I'm just not up keeping myself as best as I could so I've decided to make changes, getting haircuts more frequently, buying new clothes & cologne, taking care of my hands and feet more often etc etc. I'm tired of wasting money on therapy for fixing my part of the relationship all for the execution of it all to fall flat on someone who needs therapy themselves. It's a waste of money! I'm starting to feel like this relationship is a bad investment and more like a liability than an asset to my life.

This is so toxically one-sided

So let's see. Wives want to talk about finance, investments, work, family issues, and anything else, but the moment that a husband wants to talk about fantasies and pleasure with HIS WIFE, the answer is a huge NO. Most times a hostile no. The imbalance in power in relationships is troubling. Marriage is a business. Talking to your wife about sex and fantasy will lead to divorce. Hopefully it will be amicable?

It amazes me that 8 years ago my then girlfriend used to drive 20 miles one way just to jump in the rack with me several days a week. I was 55 and she was 40. Now after being married for 5 years, she doesn't want me to touch her. I'm guessing it's menopause related, but don't know because she avoids doctors. And they wonder why men cheat and go behind their backs to get their needs met.

"Dad.....give me some advice on finding the right gal." Me : "I dont care if she's a starving artist or makes $300K a year..that's not important to a man...Is she affectionate ? Is she loud or soft spoken ? Does she have a sweet mellow demeanor ? Being feminine is super important & irresistible. Ignore these signs at your own peril."

Women put out quite regularly and with great enthusiasm when they are trying to lock you in for the long haul. Once they have you on lock...they go back to their regular state of selfishness.

If you’re not safe around your own husband, then you have bigger problems.

If I'm understanding her correctly, hey solution to not wanting to have any intimacy with her husband was to take total control over when and how intimacy is initiated. Meaning, her husband's needs and desire play no part, it's about what she wants and when she wants it....I wonder how she'd feel if he did that work the bills? However, either this man is a Saint or he's been getting it on the side for years.

Here's the problem. Marriage is adulthood, and one partner usually refuses to grow up and do their part, but rather blames the other for not meeting needs and other such ridiculousness. So when the responsible partner gets sick of it, it becomes a war, instead of a mutual respect and honor.

This video and the comment section makes me sad. I'm a Christian man, in my 30s, still Virgin and having a hard time with my sexual urges. Seeking after prostitutes is not an option for me, neither is having sex outside of a wedlock. The only way I can have sex, is under marriage, and therefore I'm looking for a wife. But then I'm made aware, by many sad stories here, that this is the fate many men must endure, after they decide to commit their lives to a specific woman... this is hard though. One thing I know, I'm not marrying a woman who's not a Virgin. I don't want to be playing this game of competing with her past lovers. Either way, may God help me choose a woman who won't put this sort of cross on my back, and may God help all men and women in the comment section who are stuck in a relationship puzzle with their spouses...

I've been in this sexless state for over eleven years and I'm totally sick of it. She's made no effort to figure out why it's just this is the way it is live with it. So I've withdrawn we speak but that's it no touch no kiss no hugs nothing and I can't take it anymore. So I'm preparing to leave her she can have it all her way not that she doesn't already but now she won't have to see me or talk to me at all.

As a married man for 26 years, and someone in a position whom counsels many men, I'd raise a point of 'getting what you need' is not one-sided. When a husband is constantly rejected from his wife, and this is common where women 'weaponise' sex / intimacy, he may stay with you physically, but he'll outsource the intimacy side of your relationship with another woman to 'get what he needs'.

If you husband reaches for your hand and in the car and you don't feel safe, there's a huge Distrust issue that needs to be addressed. In fact, if any other person simply reaches for your hand, it shouldn't provoke fear either. Yes, looks like our Whole Society is psychologically damaged and affection is not tolerated well.

Here’s a revolutionary idea, “She’s lying”

🤣 this shit is funny. So when you want it is okay but when your husband wants it you need to feel good? Wow you make so much sense. For that I rather pay for sex and move along than to sit around waiting for you to be in the mood

She said a whole lot of nothing…marriage is literally saying I feel safe around this person…not coming up with a bunch of word salad of why you’re constantly rejecting your partner and depriving them of certain needs. This is narcissism at its core. I wish people like this would just not marry…poor guy.

If you wife isn't giving affection, someone else is getting it or about to get it. The end.

Wow, no wonder the marriage success rates are falling so drastically! My husband and I have been married for just over 21 years now, and I must say we sure never “avoided” intimacy. However we also discussed our needs shortly after getting married, using a book called “His Needs, Her Needs” which made the discussions much easier.

I don't really understand what you mean. You didn't feel safe with your husband? Why are you married to him? What do you mean by safe? What are you worried about?

Divorce rates over 50% and women act super entitled. Marriage is a waste of time for any man. Do not get roped into this mess. If you feel like you’re alone in this situation, you’re not. Ive got many friends who are in a happy relationship without marriage because the women cannot hold anything against their men and are forced to work together with their men to build a lasting relationship. If she wants to force you into marriage it only means she wants to lock you down as her slave while you cater to her needs and she abandons yours altogether.

We’ve been trained and “preached to” that marriage IS all about the woman/wife. It’s a lie and corrupts the essence of Scripture AND the Gospel

The answer to this issue is you were born and raised in the modern western world. Start behaving like your grandparents not your screen idols.

You'd feel safe if he had millions in his bank account. What do you mean 'safe' - your husband is not a stranger. What made your feelings unsafe.

I don't use beta, alpha type labels, but any man with any pride will cheat or eventually leave. All this nonsense is ridiculous.

This woman (like SO many of them) placed her best foot forward while dating her potential husband, and once married, let down all of her “defenses” to become who she really is. The husband thought he had married wife “A” when, in fact, he REALLY married wife “B.” I’ve seen this MANY times throughout my life, and every one of them has now ended in separation or divorce, OR still together in misery. I’ve been a widower for 24 years, having been blessed to have married my soul mate, and I know my remaining years will be joyful with our children and grandchildren. ✝️

If he makes advances and you reject them? And then he suddenly stops ? There’s a high chance he is cheating. And you earned that. Clap for yourself 👏🏿

Nah, too much work. He doesn't have to 'feel safe' in order to keep the bills paid much less on Valentine's Day when most of you demand the entire planet's diamond and chocolate supply. She can feel safe while paying her own rent and groceries. Stay single, fellas...

So let me get this straight. It is all about you and your safety. His needs be damned and his timing be damned. Great logic. And you have to proclaim this as a great finding that you gave yourself that permission?! Lovely.

Meanwhile while you are “finding yourself”, your husband is cheating on you. Women. Love your husbands and honor your covenant.

I'm terrified of initiating sex with my wife. I almost caved to the notion that women don't want sex as much as men, but it's bullshit. Sex does, however, seem to come with conditions with women. Rejection is not fun. One partner deciding when it's time to initiate sex is very narcissistic and selfish. I don't want to have sex with anyone who doesn't truly want to. Never in my life time would I have believed that marriage would limit my sex life to where it is today. How is it possible that a man gets less when he gives more with the status of being a husband? We are approaching the half way mark of 2023, and I have had sex with my wife 7 times. Of those 7 times, she was the initiator. Fellas, if your wife doesn't give hand jobs, grab your ass, compliment your body when you're naked (mind you, I'm in amazing shape), doesn't undress in front of you, doesn't ever join you in the shower all while claiming that she just needs more foreplay to get going - find it elsewhere. She's just not that into you anymore. It doesn't matter how good of a guy you are or how loyal you are - women will make any excuse as long as it doesn't put them in a bad light. It's time for the government to allow terms on marriage that would protect either spouse from losing everything that they worked for just because the marriage didn't work out.

Why would you feel unsafe around your husband. Makes no sense

I get what you’re saying. But my wife doesn’t feel safe because I kept bringing up her lack of responsibility in our marriage. For 3 years she didn’t help me clean the house, save money, or make meals. I literally did everything myself. I became so frustrated that I talked of separating and started getting really moody but she begged me to stay and promised to be better. This all led to her attempting suicide when I said I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s been 6 months and we’re not having sex anymore even though I stopped talking about her lack of effort and responsibility. But all she can think of is his I kept making her feel like she wasn’t good enough and how her family and coworkers nitpick at her and exclude her. So there’s just no way for me to do anything right. I mean what was I supposed to do for years of being a great husband to someone who became a leech? How do I make her feel safe and still have reasonable expectations? It’s been so disheartening but I can’t get myself to divorce her because I think back to our first years and how different she was. But I can’t understand how we got here. What the heck happened to my wife?

If you had all these issues going into a marriage, especially with the feeling of not being safe; shouldn't you have brought this up? Fine time to bring this up now. Walk on eggshells to get a little sex and alot of guilt. If you're that girl, stay single. Don't put others through your BS. Intimacy, SEX! Is a important part of a relationship. If you aren't providing it, don't be surprised or mad if he goes elsewhere to fulfill that need.

As a woman, I think I speak for most women when I say this is NOT the reason 🤦‍♀️

When the husband is the focus of the issue, wives are quick to tell the husband why and where he is wrong. But when the focus is on the wife, the wife says, "Hmm, let's see! Who or what else can I blame." Wives seldom if ever take responsibility for themselves in these issues.

Modern day women. Going through this right now and big part is immaturity combined with feminism. Little to no accountability. Men do not have time for all this garbage....we are too busy trying to provide. Utter nonsense. Things are never perfect and to cut your spouse off from intimacy is damaging.

So many women have a been sleeping around before marriage that it's impossible for them to ever be satisifed. The same cannot be said about men.

How can someone not feel safe with their own husband?

This is why SO many men question getting married. Why would a normal man with normal needs sacrifice ALL control over satisfying those needs to his wife and get virtually nothing in return except a lifelong obligation to support her and their children? MEN DID NOT sign up for that.

You all want a provider and protector simping all over you, while you deny basic love and affection over the illusion of "safety". Guys, RUN. We deserve better.

I was expecting something more real life to come out of this… like my husband treats me horribly, only gives attention right when he wants sex, obviously does not love me, and never apologizes or takes responsibility for his abuse towards me. That is why I don’t feel safe nor attraction nor would be able to relax and trust enough to get anything out of it. I feel like he just uses me to master ate and I’m a cum can. He’s is a total jerk and he faked the type of person he was and -once he had me all good positive feelings stopped. There is no advice for those who are trapped. So please no mean comments.

🤔😂🤣🤣 you took all the power and turned a solid dude to the streets😂😂😂 when the wolf is hungry HE EATS!

Yes wanting intimacy with your wife, that is so threatning isnt it. All that desire to kiss or cuddle or hold her hand, and then she says, i dont feel wanted or important, all you want is my afection. It all such insanity isnt it. A guy can never do right for a women !! Women dont even know how or what they want !

7:24 The problem isn't that you need to feel safe... The problem is that you need to feel unsafe. Your husband is safe, your boyfriend is not. As a man who has been on both sides of the relationship, I know. Boyfriends never lack for sex, husbands always will. Your best bet is to forget men who love and care for you and go with the bad boys who don't. You will both be miserable, but at least you will leave the men alone to be with women who will love them even though they are loved.

"Don't feel safe", "these are great men" those two are opposite, yes this is a 100% a woman's problem; however, they turn it into their husbands problem by continuing to reject him. Women DO NOT understand at all, not one little bit what it's like for a man who has a woman who promised to be there for him, to be his life partner continue, not once, not when it's an off time, BUT repeatedly say over and over and over again, "No" for months and years. Men can only feel a deep emotional connection to their wives through sex, that's a psychological fact, it's not make believe, it's not made up. For women, that emotional connection can be met in other ways, so a wife spending a quiet evening with her husband gets her needs met, but yet she says "no" and he's left feeling rejected, worthless, unloved. So women, I'll tell you what it's like, that "No", and what it means when you say it repeatedly is simply, "you are not valuable to me", "you are not cared for", "your needs mean nothing to me", "I'm more important than you are", "everything you do for me is worthless to me", "anything you will ever do is meaningless to me", "you're a fool for staying with me", "you're stupid, worthless, an idiot, and you don't deserve love", and finally "I don't really love you and never really have, I have just used you to get what I want and you're too stupid to see it.". That's what a woman says by saying "No" all the time. I know because I've lived in a sexless marriage for well over 10 years, it's completely destroyed me, I don't want to live anymore and one day she will not have me around anymore, the financial security I provided for her will be gone, and I will be in a better place and I look forward to leaving her alone, not that I'll be missed, since again, I'm not really valued by her. I'm sure that'll be blamed on me too just like this fool in this video makes it a man's fault women are more concerned about being self-centered or "their safety" than caring about the needs of their husband.

That's cool. Establish boundaries. Make sure you feel safe. Just don't complain when he realises what you're doing and establishes his own boundaries.

I didn’t change. She did. From heroic rescuer to palace guard for the queen. My wife had been chomo’d. She never felt safe. The good outweighed the bad. But I won’t repeat that. I am wiser now.

She has bigger problems woman don't listen to her. She is not feeling safe with the person she is married ?

Just throwing it out there, how about not getting married?…. There’s no point wasting a good man’s life, I totally understand why men today want to stay completely the hell away from women for marriage, it really has a huge trap that men ought to just see far in advance and tell themselves it’s not worth it

So, my wife doesn't want me because I'm not enough of a man? Sounds like a load of BS to me.

After menopause I lost attraction for my husband but mentally I was drained from his verbal abuse . He has ADHD .unfortunately I have not regained those feelings but treat him as a friend .

It’s all on the women’s terms, men you just go provide, pay the bills do everything I want and every once in a while I’ll give you a little intimacy on my terms.

In their minds they are frozen as a child. Programmed from birth that they are a princess and they need a Prince charming. Putting all these expectations on You to fill this role. You try to go out of your way to for fill their needs that they don't understand isn't what they really need. Then when they realize they have to wake up and face the music, that Life isn't a fairytale. It all comes crashing down and everything changes. Then they start using childhood trauma and mistakes you made that has zero to do with anything as a copout to avoid the real problems. Then the self esteem problems come in. They try to fill the void with more objects, but all it does is become more of a intimacy problem. Men have a level of bullshit they will put up with. Some have a short amount and some have a large amount. When you push someone to that limit everyday. They will either give up or bottle it up. If they stick around they will be angry and make you free unsafe because they have nothing left to work for. Like a job you know you can't get a raise in. A dead end street. Some guys just become numb. Avoiding the problem but distractions like TV, work, or hobbies. Objects that are a temporary escape but at the end of the day it's no replacement for a real emotional connect and passion. It's a cycle and it repeats over and over again. "He's mad about everything." "I feel unsafe because he's always angry." He's mad because theirs no sex, no emotional connection, and no hope of a better relationship. That dead end street. When a relationship is new. You don't argue or fight about anything because you don't know enough about them to complain. Sex all around. It's almost better to stay strangers. So turn that car around and get it back on the highway. Where it can drive. Men also, Including myself need learn to say no to woman. Stop working for free or we are looked at as week and a coward. Woman don't find you always being a man bitch sexy either. Woman aren't dumb. They know men have three basic things. Food, Sleep, and some kind of intimacy. So what do we get out of the deal. Why should we give up hours of our time and money for you. Fix the car. Walk your little asshole pocket poodles. Build your book shelf. Make more space for all your stuff. So on and so forth. When all we want is a small amount of your attention. Sound us we are not just a slave to avoid alimony or child support. Ladies remember men are as simple a pet. We will love you. We will be excited to see you. We will learn tricks for you, but if you take our food bowl away. We will go to someone else with food and do all the same things for them. That's my two cents.

This basically confirms that men and women are NOT compatible. They are not meant to cohabitate in the long term. I’m pretty sure you did not ‘dodge’ your husband at the start of the relationship. That’s why he married you. He wouldn’t have if you reacted this way before marriage. Then after you get into the marriage, you need things to happen your way. Now you no longer feel safe until you initiate and control intimacy. No. Men need to stop getting into relationships. Period. People deserve to be treated better.

Sometimes it's a combination of things. I would have such an emotionally exhaustive day at work, I had absolutely NO energy left when I got home. My husband was also an alcoholic, and I got tired of having to babysit him by the end of the evening. We divorced ... He got remarried and I really hope he's happy. I loved him and he loved me ... at the beginning. But it just didn't work out. I would tell any wife who's too tired to 'be there' for husband and family ... If you really want to preserve your family, quit your job. Either take a less stressful job, or stay home and make your family, 'your job!'

Women never fall inlove with men they desire the feeling of being inlove with a man,her emotions to you is like a light switch...

I don't think my marriage has to do with being safe. We had a great physical relationship the 1st 5 years, there was menopause and then complete shut down with any kinda of touch, sitting on opposites sides of the couch, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing but a peck to say good-bye but COMPLETE shut down of communication. She didn't want to talk about it, and the when I brought it up, she shut down even more. I got her to try biological hormones but they did nothing and she refuses to try anything else for fear of cancer. I won't even say how long its been since we had sex........Alone in a great friendship....

My greatest regret was getting married. I guess if i were to come again in this life i would just have a girlfriend who i could just have sex with for life. My wife uses sex as a weapon all the time. I cant leave the marriage because of the effect it would have on my children, i just feel trapped for now!

Space and freedom. Yup those are the words I heard my parents taking about right before the divorce.

I’ve been through this video three times trying to find something that I can agree with. Just can’t. If you’re feeling unsafe *and* your husband hasn’t hurt you or used you or coerced you(*actually* coerced - being disappointed in your repeated rejection isn’t coercion, it’s human), the TRUTH you need to honor isn’t your feelings, your feelings don’t reflect reality. The TRUTH you need to accept is that you *are* safe. You need to work through your feelings of unsafety and come to believe the reality which is that your husband desires to please you and thinks you’re awesome. He delights in your companionship and your beauty. He doesn’t want to hurt you and in fact would be horrified to know that you feel unsafe around him. He would be insulted, as he should be. Women, stop believing your feelings when they lie to you. Do the right thing for your marriage and for *yourself* and observe reality. Do not listen to this presenter. She gets a lot right in many of her other videos but she is SO FAR OFF in this one.

Women: we have to feel safe to be intimate!!! Also women: made fifty shades most sold adult novel

I hear a lot of “I, I, I”……well I’ll give you one…I feel lonely….night, after night, after night…I do the cooking, cleaning, bring in the paycheck, do the yard work, fix the cars….I’ve tried everything!!! Sexless for 5 years, and I’ll add pretty much non-existent for 20 yrs. I so wished to be loved and to make love to a woman…I’m trapped because financially it would be devastating…

I'm never going to find the answers I'm looking for. How does someone make you feel unsafe if they are not being verbally or physically abusive, a drunk or an addict, works, doesn't cheat and there is no threat of him sexually abusing you. Not saying anyone is wrong I'm just not understanding what i don't feel safe actually means

Sorry but avoiding a hug is cold.

So you feel safe because you set boundaries and the rule is, if you are in the mood you can initiate touch and that’s okay, and on your husbands side he has guidelines to follow when engaging in touching or you will feel unsafe and uninterested? Seems like you have full control… don’t you think men want control in the touching and intimacy they have with their wives?

If you’re lazy, just don’t get married. But faking you are all that then once you get what you want you slack off is a crappy move.

Okay, so I am gonna say what I feel I need to say and then you can rip me a new asshole. In other words, please forgive my candor. Here goes: Whenever somebody says I had no childhood trauma...its a clear sign there is repressed childhood trauma. (And If it isn't childhood trauma, its past relationship trauma). Anyway. Your parents, (or a past relationship or maybe your current) one clearly had/has some imperfection in their/it relationship and intimacy that made you feel unsafe about relationships. You fear being 'used' which means you fear being intimate lest you get used. You fear being controlled and not having control which is why you mention your husband as being taller and bigger. Taller men and shorter women are mostly the norm in relationships. This is because biologically women feel safe with taller stronger men. Its usually a good thing. So, that you mention this fact tells me that you are feeling threatened by something that is emotionally bigger than you are use to. Once again...what in your childhood (or past relationship or current relationship) experience and perception of your parents intimacy made you feel that way? It sounds like you said to yourself that your relationships will be different from your parents or a past relationship/s. That you will make it perfect and restore the balance your parents never experienced in their marriage; or the balance you never experienced in other relationships. You need to realize that no relationship is perfect. It requires, time patience and a fuck load of compromise on certain issues sexual and general. If you are not willing to do that then you don't have true intimacy because true intimacy means making yourself vulnerable emotionally and sexually. Sexual vulnerability looks like: "I don't think this sexual position makes me look flattering...but...my husband seems to love it and loves me and finds me attractive so therefore I can enjoy this moment and not feel stupid or embarrassed about my body. That is the appropriate way to respond. The inappropriate way would be for example - I don't want to do doggy because I think it makes me look stupid. Get over your hang-ups by facing your inner trauma or emotional inaccuracies. Your husband finds you attractive no matter how you think you look during sex or without clothes on. You yourself mentioned "when your husband ogles you" clearly this makes you feel uncomfortable...maybe ask yourself why? Once again...childhood trauma OR past relationship trauma. When your husband looks at you...the appropriate emotional response would be 'dam, I'm so hot he just can't resist my body even after all this time'. His desire for you should be a turn on and not a turn off as it seems to be in your case. Nobody on earth has a perfect childhood (parents are not perfect) or past relationships (relationships are not perfect and after all you broke up with these other men for a reason) so trauma there will be I promise you. You just need to find it and weed it out. That you say you have none only indicates that you are still in denial about your feelings/trauma. Sex is about intimacy...so ask yourself? Why are you afraid of being intimate sexually or otherwise or maybe just sexually in your case? Why are you afraid of submitting to your husband sexually (easier for men than women) when he has submitted to you emotionally (easier for women than men). Also, as I'm sure you know, sex isn't JUST about intimacy, its about physical touch which requires work. Men know about work during sex - women not so much. Men do all the work...women either just present or lie there. They score low on sexual initiative and engagement. Its mostly men that are will to engage which places them at a sexual disadvantage. You literally have all the power and he has none at that moment. When he comes to you seeking sex he has made himself vulnerable by admitting that you have what he needs and he is powerless to resist you. Deny him that and he will feel powerless. Powerless to control his desires and especially powerless to control his sexual desires around other women. fact. Now coming back to what I said at the start of the previous paragraph: Consider that the only active sexual position for a women is on top. That's it. And even that position requires minimal effort on her part. The other hard things are hand-jobs and blowjobs which most women hate because like I said...that requires actual physical effort as opposed to just lying there and getting fucked and feeling satisfied. It requires physical effort apart from emotional intimacy. In other words - you are driving the same car - your relationship - but you are engaging a different gear. You can't have sex in first gear or second. You gonna need that fifth gear, lol. (dear lord what a comparison) If I am doing everything in my power to make you feel sexy, comfortable, cuddled and safe, something that does not come natural to men, why can't you give me what I need as a man? I am making myself vulnerable to you emotionally. (Are you sexually lazy?; or, what trauma prevents you from being intimate/intimate in this way?) And trust me, men do need it, it is not possible for them to just shut that off. A mans sexuality is a very strong drive. Men need it more than women do - fact. Even if a women thinks their sex life is good...trust me...a man always wants more. He can never get enough of you or your body. It also means he faces way more rejection than you think. "Control over when and how and when your body was used" Cool, I agree bodies are sacred and should be respected and not be completely objectified but I hope you know sex is in part also about objectification. Control is a big thing for you it seems - which leads me to ask: Who made you feel like you had no control and why? What in your childhood or past experiences made you feel this way? Maybe start their in your quest for sexual freedom of expression. In sexual terms boundaries and the control they bring should be set up through compromise and discussion. Simply refusing your partner his sexual desires, wants and needs without compromise is going to lead to cold dead marriage and even less intimacy. "I needed boundaries" and it sounds like you have plenty of unhealthy ones to work through and new healthy ones to work at. Also, the only boundary there should be in sex is anal or no anal; or deepthroat / no deepthroat. (hahaha)

I don’t “FEEL” like going to work sometimes. And guess what woman. I do because it’s my duty. Obligation. Job. Responsibility to take care of my son. So guess what, I do what needs to be done and don’t blame how I feel and get over it. Life is rough and tough and not fair. Oh well. Stop using emotions as a cope

Many men and women marry the wrong person. Trouble is, by the time your married, it’s too late.

Sounds like the marriage is all about you. Poor husband!

What this whole thing has left me feeling is THAT I AM NOT SAFE. That I can’t be trusted to be communicated to in order to have an intimate exchange… And if I’m willing to listen and be sensitive and they still don’t feel “safe”, it has become an issue and a problem with the woman as far as I’m concerned… The fear isn’t rooted in the other person not being trustworthy, it’s literally just FEAR in the woman and it’s going to eventually destroy the relationship

I love women. I cant imagine my life without women. I love to breathe in their feminine energy. It rejuvinates my soul.

I don’t understand! When two people decide to get married and become one, nature should take it’s course. You have sex, have kids, get from head to heels on debt, sex, go through ups and downs of life, sex, vacation, careers, kids to college, sex, your kids go away because they’re grown, sex and become old! DID YOU GET IT! Sex must be present at all times! If not YOU DON’T get married! Cause you can have plenty of sex without getting married. But we decide to settle down with whom to believe your other half and as soon as you say I do it’s like saying I DO AGREE TO THROW OUT THE WINDOW SEX! Intimacy. So if you want to have a beber ending sex life DO NOT GET MARRIED! If you want to have kids you don’t have to het married! Trust me, it is cheaper to pay child support than living with these women and ending up begging for sex until you tell her one day that your done and want a divorce AND THEN A MIRACLE 🙌🏼 all of a sudden just like the woman on this video, she wants to have sex 🤷🏽‍♂️

Its just every intemacy with him, leads him to ask or expect sex, which make me far and dont even touch him even when i want to sometimes, until i got to the point that i avoid it all completely

Wait, what about the beginning of relationship? You leave out the fact that most marriages start off with burning desire and that “can’t keep our hands off each other” phase. How does a woman go from consenting the first time to the extremely passionate, fiery bedroom to being afraid of their husbands hugs?

Because our emotional needs are not met.. he’s emotionally unavailable.

The same women who complain about intimacy being a chore get upset when they don't get their daily massage from their partner (yes some men love to please their women and they also enjoy it).

There was a man I knew back in 2008 who had not had sex with his wife since she married him. It sounded so tragic that such a phenomenon could occur. You don’t know what you could in such a situation other than pray for healing of wounds that have not been sutured.