The Real Reason You Pine for the Ones Who Discard You

Рет қаралды 60,889

7 ай бұрын

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It’s terrible what unstable parents in abusive relationships do to their children - because it’s not just the damage done to you AT the time of the abuse, but it’s the trauma wounds that infect and shape the person you become - and how you fall in love, and with WHO. When your trauma isn’t healed yet - you can end up drawn to some really terrible people and it feels like you can never change. But you CAN change this pattern. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose harsh past keeps driving her toward relationships that rob her happiness.
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Пікірлер: 199

@guydw1251 7 ай бұрын

Annie, thank you so much for the care in this video . "You are not abnormal, you are having a normal response to an abnormal childhood" really hit home for me .

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you enjoyed the video :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@poetryjones7946 7 ай бұрын

I stopped pining for anyone years ago. Now I just want to like being in my own skin before I get old and die. Wish I could understand why CPTSD makes me feel so completely helpless. I’m still waiting around for “someone” to instruct me what to do with my life. Creepy huh. But I know I’m not the only one. I love your channel - you’ve helped me more than you could possibly know. Bless you. 🙏🏼❤

@AnN-nj2ny 7 ай бұрын

I'm 52 and I understand you 100%

@devlevine2782 7 ай бұрын

I'm older and understand You

@poetryjones7946 7 ай бұрын

😁 I knew I wasn’t alone in this. CPTSD is one strange animal. Practicing Buddhism has helped a lot. So has Anna’s channel and reading everyone’s comments.

@truerosie 7 ай бұрын

I totally get you, 68 and still sorting it out. I found Polyvagal theory very useful, and explains the helplessness as dorsal vagal shutdown. Incredible relief when I found this, don't know if Anna discusses it. Makes perfect sense and gives another path of healing. A bit off the wall, but I've also found Switchwords amazing for raising my energy, moving past the self-loathing and immobility in the helplessness. Worth investigating, wishing you well.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

We completely understand that feeling and we're all here to support you. Anna's free course 'The Daily Practice' is a good tool to work through things like this, give it a try if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy

@missbettyboop2509 7 ай бұрын

I propose reframing "friends with benefits" to "friends without benefits " for there surely no benefits to constantly seeking some kind.of.human connection but instead being left empty every time...in my opinion.."meaningless sex" is one of the most damaging crimes we can commit against ourselves.

@brittanyb5942 7 ай бұрын

I agree!

@alomaalber6514 7 ай бұрын

That is probably true but many are have wiles that convince you it will be long term. And even sometimes when you are legally married. do not "blame the victim" on this one. Glad this is being addressed by this helpful pro.

@ds37215 7 ай бұрын

@@alomaalber6514 there was no victim-blaming in her comment. She talked about some harms of "friends with benefits" situations and suggested renaming it so that it would not sound so attractive to traumatized people seeking connection.

@tania5012 7 ай бұрын

Totally agree, I wish I never had, he used me. I loved him. Such a hard hit to my inner most being.

@Christinesobsevations 7 ай бұрын

🎉🙌🏻

@godzillamanstreb524 7 ай бұрын

‘Limerance appears when our lives are joyless’…..Boom💥….wow that really woke me up….ty Anna♥️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

@desbrow3339 7 ай бұрын

Me also 💥

@carolinapoochpack 7 ай бұрын

Same here- I had limerence for a male “friend” ( he was just trying to get in my pants) pretending, at years 13-15 of a shitty marriage at finally ended at year 20. I totally get the limerence now

@MadAboutBrows 5 ай бұрын

Sooo that's why I'm finally out-maneuvering limerance!! I just moved to a community where I actually feel safe for the first time in decades. An opportunity for limerance presented itself recently and I walked away within a week because of the red flags 🥰

@thecortneyb.8486 7 ай бұрын

I think it’s so interesting how traumatized people can be so strong through their actual trauma but then years later become super depressed. That’s my story as well. I hope this young lady continues to heal and thrive. ✨❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@sunshinecompany1 7 ай бұрын

I think most of my life I've been dillusional, disassociated from my emotions, wants and needs. I've spent the last 5 years single and focusing on understanding past relationships and healing myself. IT IS VERY SAD!! I feel VERY angry and/or depressed... To have spent 59 yrs having the same relationships (as with mommy and daddy) over and over and over!! 😫😞 I don't think I've EVER had a healthy relationship... And don't know how to.😢better late than never I guess.

@trafficcontrol2420 7 ай бұрын

I think it's because during the trauma you're in survival mode, masking. But once you're out of survival mode and you no longer have to fake being okay you're just exhausted and that exhaustion and realization of what you went thru you get depressed. At least that's my story.

@jarkachalmovianska7812 6 ай бұрын

@@trafficcontrol2420yes. The body needs to reenergize so it shuts down in depression. Its healing actually. We misunderstood it completely

@mysticgardener2704 5 ай бұрын

Sometimes tuning into the comments is so helpful and healing when one cannot understand oneself! Thanks everyone for sharing so others can see themselves in your responses

@tinahalford1941 7 ай бұрын

ive had a couple therapists tell me they really don't know how i kept a job, a home, raised 2 kids and took care of an abusive husband... looking back, i wasnt there, just played a part on this stage. so empty and disconnected from myself all my life...feeling unlovable and unwanted...love only happens for other people...i am thankful that my children know i love them...

@aprilhoffman3090 7 ай бұрын

my mother married her second time at 74. first husband abusive, second...a decent man who shows her love and affection. She met him at church. I don't mean to be so bold but I want you to get a chance to feel loved and wanted. Good luck

@fannybindeki7686 7 ай бұрын

Feel U. Try to find Love tht IS Not Connected to tht romantic Idea. I found so much strengh in my friendships. ITS hard though cause Ur right - Ur told from the very beginning' tht affection/Attention from a man IS the Most achievable value to get. I See tht with my daughter now n the Stories n narratives she gets to get a picture of what she IS supposed to b n behave in Order to b a Woman. It is terryfying.cause the Basis for co-dependency are already Layed Out so Early.n ITS 80% ur surrounding. I constantly have to decunstruct IT n try Not to b triggert by it. Cause i know the Results. I dont want tht for her. N ITS even getting worse with all the social Media input.i Hope i will b able to Guide her. So all i can do IS giving her alternativ Input

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Loving others is a great reason to love yourself! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@evi4744 7 ай бұрын

#blessed❤

@SunnyRain0614 7 ай бұрын

Many people do this only because we believe it's what we are supposed to do. We realize that maybe it wasn't the best match, but you /he stuck with it. If you are still together, try to create a brand new canvas, and you can paint it any color you want.. Its your life. "Life is not about what happened to us. Life is what we make happen." It's about what we allow ourselves to experience.! You are the movie maker! The Producer! Have fun, and remember to be Thankful and grateful every day for the things we do have in our lives. We are special, special human beings. We all deserve to live without fear. We deserve the best that we believe we ourselves deserve.

@devilcat7991 7 ай бұрын

I have been limerant all my life: started with filling in the blanks for my absent father ( he loves me, he will come back for me), followed by my first love (he ist the man of my dreams, we will get married and have kids...well, he cheated and we broke up), followed by some bedtime stories and ended now in a 6 year time of pure limerance concerning a colleague. While I was sure he felt the same and was waiting for him to finally realize how much he loves me, he dedicded to have a baby with his long time girlfriend. As sad as it sounds, I can finally see the pattern and all of this, because we had shitty parents that pretended to be grown ups but were unable to make sure breakfast was on the table. Well, I guess it is kind of ok to really take some time to heal and lets be hontest: this healing will take up the rest of our lifes. Lets be sad, lets by angry, but do not let these people ruin our lifes just one more day!

@ShintogaDeathAngel 7 ай бұрын

I can relate to this - I was adopted but while my adoptive parents provided a lot, the emotional stuff was less forthcoming. My a-dad was bipolar and an alcoholic, so I never really formed a meaningful relationship with him even though we all lived together until he died (which in hindsight was way too long. Even his own parents weren’t that nice, though they obviously didn’t admit to that. I regret not leaving earlier but most of my suggestions that I might try living on my own were met with discouragement, even when I had a full time job).

@lillianbarker4292 7 ай бұрын

After years of bad relationships in my 20s and early 30s (thanks Dad!) I decided to stop sleeping with men too soon. Oddly I did it because I felt bad for hurting some old boyfriends. I was especially careful with my new male friend because he was so nice, I would never want to hurt him. I knew he liked me. After a year I gave in and we’ve been married for decades. I have to admit he wasn’t as exciting as all the bad guys but real love is wonderful.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you found the right person :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@lynnc5252 7 ай бұрын

Adult of child neglect. I lived in complete denial of the neglect and just thought I was a terribly stupid person. I'll never have a relationship. If a man shows the smallest amount of goodness, I no longer like him. I will pick him apart. From the way he chews to his clothes or laugh. To the extreme where my body doesn't respond to him. It's been a very sad realization.

@redwoods7370 7 ай бұрын

I actually know exactly what you are talking about and experience this same thing myself. I find myself criticizing and arguing with the person in my future who I might have a relationship with who I haven't even met yet!!!

@Saltysweetpea4769 7 ай бұрын

I hear you. I always believed I was stupid mainly because my mother used to tell me I was! I’m married to a good secure man which shld have been the perfect life for me. Instead I criticise and judge and yes habits he has really annoy me. If I was really fair I would’ve left him to find someone better, but I’ve always been scared to do this. In a dreamworld I live alone but I don’t think I’d live long that way. It is a very sad realisation. ❤

@JA99 7 ай бұрын

I just dated someone who did this to me. Found flaws and picked me apart to shreds. Then I learned about dismissive avoidant attachment style from the Personal Development School and it helped me understand why he did this and have compassion for him.

@Saltysweetpea4769 7 ай бұрын

@@JA99 I’ve just learned I have this 😞

@lynnc5252 7 ай бұрын

@@JA99 I always tell the 'nice guys' that they deserve someone who will love them completely and someone who will be good to them. I stopped trying to date nice guys in my 20's. I just thought I was attracted to bad boys or wild personalities. Nope. It was the trauma.

@dameanvil 7 ай бұрын

00:00 🌱 Childhood trauma deeply influences relationship patterns in adulthood. 03:15 🚪 Establishing boundaries in relationships shaped by trauma is crucial for healing. 07:21 🧩 Seeking love and attention despite parental neglect is a common response to childhood trauma. 10:38 🌊 Healing from childhood trauma is a gradual process that leads to healthier relationships. 13:10 🧠 Trauma can hinder rational decision-making in relationships; creating support systems is essential. 16:50 🛠 Utilizing intentional techniques like 'The Daily Practice' aids in processing and healing emotional wounds. 18:51 🚧 Focusing on healing core trauma first lays the foundation for successful relationship recovery.

@dgvfsa66 7 ай бұрын

I thought if I could just be perfect my mother would love me. I was wrong.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

We understand as few others can. I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@tinahalford1941 7 ай бұрын

oh, how well i understand this Denise. i'm 62 and my mother died when i was 36 ..........i fell apart a few times after that. then i just stayed broken...

@dgvfsa66 7 ай бұрын

@tinahalford1941 I'm sorry for your pain. I'm 66. My mother is 90 and still glares at me with sheer hatred. I had to go NC or lose my mind. I think of her daily....when I take my bi-polar and CPTSD meds.

@sarahspencer1010 7 ай бұрын

Oh, me too. But no matter how perfect you are, they always raise the bar! "Oh, you walked on water? But you didn't pull the boat through the water while you did it!"

@dgvfsa66 7 ай бұрын

@sarahspencer1010 I thought she'd love me when I got promoted. Or when the TV News did a story about my community work. She sent a 3 word email. It said, "This is good." To her, my accomplishments are just a reflection of her superior parenting skills.

@HollyNSwick 7 ай бұрын

I'm curious if her mom still vents about her dad everyday. My mom always vented about my dad to me daily and my grandma vented about my grandpa as well, so I was either the bad guy if I didn't side with them or also a bad guy if I sided with them and the next day they were getting along again. I wish I would have known about boundaries back then, lol.

@hi8107 7 ай бұрын

My mother still does this with my sister and I

@susanbothwell2234 7 ай бұрын

I was my mom's sounding board with her unhappiness and unhappy marriage. I would have done anything ANYTHING to fix her unhappiness and make her happy. I sacrificed my whole life making my happiness contingent upon her being happy. I sided with her against my dad. I wish I hadn't. I now see what he put up with and what a loving patient sweet happy soul he was. It all just messed me up so deeply. No counselors could help us... Now I'm 55 and my whole life has been living in a fantasy of limerick and romanticizing the unavailable. I don't feel like there's hope for me at this point.

@kristina7901 7 ай бұрын

Its called parental alienation!! Look it up!!

@HollyNSwick 7 ай бұрын

Oh wow, I looked it up. Then it is really one parent portraying the other parent as being a monster to keep the child on their side. That is even another layer of manipulation overlayed onto the actual (and horrible) experience. Talk about the many ways our brains can get scrambled, wow!@@kristina7901

@HollyNSwick 7 ай бұрын

There is so much hope for you! I could suggest so many things that can help you, but just try the daily practice writing that she is talking about. Journaling helps so much. Do it daily for a month and see how you feel. Then after a month your head will probably be a bit clearer and you can decide what actions you want to take to start healing and really living the life you were meant to live. It's never too late!@@susanbothwell2234

@moniak88 7 ай бұрын

Limerance appears when our lives are joyless’ - that's really sad but also very true, I know something about it, Ive been limerent my whole damn life, thank you Anna, I felt like you were talking to me in this video, you helped me a lot

@jmb4975 7 ай бұрын

Perfect timing for this video! Exact same "limerant" situation for 3 years now. I'm a week into no contact trying to move on and it's like hell knowing that magical text isn't coming but these videos have helped me soo much!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

We know how hard that can be! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@jmb4975 7 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you! The support is everything

@carolinapoochpack 7 ай бұрын

I’ve walked in your shoes. I hope u blocked him. Look for other ways to bring pleasure into your life, distraction/ replacement. I know it’s hard

@jmb4975 7 ай бұрын

@@carolinapoochpack yes, I need to live more present and stop trying to escape. Thank you!

@vickeysteffin8061 7 ай бұрын

Going through the same thing

@melitapavlinic7302 7 ай бұрын

I would also add that she needs to re-examine her relationship with the mother, the mother might be co-dependent on her and dumping her emotional baggage on her. If you get away from this mom and that unhealthy closeness, you will be able to devote more time and energy to healing and possible new romantic relationships

@susansourby5234 7 ай бұрын

I listened to this lecture while driving home When I pulled in my parking spot and got ready to turn I ff my car, a quote appeared on my dashboard screen which said the following; " To adjust your preverences, use the Setting app". If life could only be that simple! Thanks for a great lecture.

@healingv1sion 7 ай бұрын

The more i calm down, reflect, regulate my emotions, the more i see in others the instabilities and it does repel me. It gives me a sense of security to know i can see these signs in others and i can act accordingly. I used to think in black and white, either people are good or bad and i was always disappointed in people, but i think it's getting better.

@jarkachalmovianska7812 6 ай бұрын

Expectation is a root cause of dissapointment

@leonablack3516 7 ай бұрын

Never be giving your body away . Its just lust.

@alomaalber6514 7 ай бұрын

My mother was a romance addict and did not teach me the right things, the public library changed my life and maybe saved it. I should write a book, but both parents looked like movie stars, it "looked' great.

@laurie3113 7 ай бұрын

Thank you this video is so helpful! My mom was my primary abuser, and most of the friends(probably more of a strong acquaintance), i lean on for emotional support are men(some of them i dated, and most of them are good guts), but I'm still always ending up alone. I'm just realizing that trusting other women is a block for me,🥺 and keeping healthy female friendships has been so hard. Mind blown😅, thank you🙏🫂💜

@traceyrichardson9550 7 ай бұрын

I struggle to confront women on anything for the same reason xx

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

@ogbc149 7 ай бұрын

Same. Sometimes I'm even anxious to walk around outside because I've learned through life that interest shown from other people is only temporary and when it's beneficial only for them. Then they sooner or later always go cold then hot once again when they need it. I'm like a natural magnet to people that need to share their burdens, even the total strangers on the streets. Even went to uni to study in depth family relations and couple therapy to get to know what to do and what red flags are there to avoid them, only to drop it before graduation because I became disillusioned about ever having moderate "happy ending". In reality you'll always have some hot and cold moments in relationships but when you're so done with an overflow of those in your life it can seem not worth it at all at some point.

@msaleiou 7 ай бұрын

I am getting better therapy through these videos than with any other therapist I have encountered to deal with my struggles.

@eutrepe03 7 ай бұрын

actually with limerence is not always coming when our life is joyless. It's more attachment style and attachment wounds and the way somebody reject us. It's sometimes pain mixed with attachment and then life become kind of joyfull.

@angelagholson4988 7 ай бұрын

LISTENING TO THIS VIDEO CONFIRMS MY WHOLENESS.

@sierravista9013 7 ай бұрын

I never wanted attention from my abusive mother

@jayalper4930 7 ай бұрын

Your channel is amazing. Thank you for all the remarkable, integral information and for your amazing delivery. You’ve definitely helped me out. I hope life is treating you wonderfully. You deserve it!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind words! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@dannycolwell8028 7 ай бұрын

The thing that confuses me is, I dont have abusive parents. I have very warm memories of my childhood, lots of affection, support, encouragement, acceptance. But I have never had a healthy partner. Something in me is unhealthy or wounded and I have no idea why I keep choosing people who mess me up so badly.

@winterqueenkel 7 ай бұрын

Look up Dr Jay Reid...he's another brilliant narcissism doc but his personal story is he didn't have a clue what was wrong with himself...and with therapy, they figured out where the problems came from.

@Leoo117 7 ай бұрын

Part of the problem is you are presuppossing that you will find more problem partners in the future. I can see that just in your post. I don't know what the wound is, but what I do know is that the solution to your problem is practicing a perspective change. So instead of saying you keep choosing people who mess you up, ask yourself what are the things you missed or overlooked that indicated that previous person would mess you up. Find the answer and then adjust your approach for next time. Take your time with the vetting process and keep in mind if a person's value system is good for you or not.

@sarahspencer1010 7 ай бұрын

Here's an interesting thought - perhaps you don't recognize the childhood abuse yet? I would have accurately described my childhood just as you did ... until I was 32, and read a book about "Adult Children of Alcoholics." I couldn't understand why I sounded exactly like the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" when no one in my family drank, we were a close, loving family, etc. But I eventually realized - and this is really hard to explain... my family WERE the loving, tee-totaling family, except when they were not. Some days, my family life was IDEAL. Other days, it was pure h€ll, with my mother *runk, trying to °ff herself, etc., etc. Just pure trauma - probably type 2 rapid cycling bi-polar, untreated. For over 30 years, I lived by focusing on the wonderful days, and sort of blocking the other days, weeks and months of severe trauma. I say "sort of" because if anyone had asked me about any one of the bad episodes, I would have easily recalled it. But I had the good narrative that I used as my daily reality. I don't know how to explain it. I didn't forget. I just buried it way down deep, so that I never thought of it. I wonder if you might be living a similar dual-reality.

@dannycolwell8028 7 ай бұрын

@@sarahspencer1010 that is a highly interesting thought. It makes total sense how that would affect an adult. However, none of those substance abuse problems were present. My parents were both really emotionally stable. I’m no professional, but only one thing nitpicks me that my mother said. When I was 7 months old, my dad had an affair. My mom said perhaps it was her inability to be totally present with me for a little while may have contributed to a wound of neglect or abandonment, even though I was too young to remember.

@dannycolwell8028 7 ай бұрын

@@Leoo117 thanks for your insight! You’re probably not wrong, I have no idea what’s going on inside me. But I started going to therapy so I’m hoping in a few months I’ll be armed with better knowledge and awareness.

@CorporateQueen 7 ай бұрын

Omg my parents were together until the bitter end of my dad... I so feel for this lady. You can't escape doing the work if you want a happy life. Trauma will always rise. You're beautiful and wonderful. Keep going.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@Teresafb1 7 ай бұрын

You look so explicitly beautiful in this video the colors the make up the hair absolutely beautiful!!! I have watched you since your first started and found such helpful information and such gratitude that you were to overcome your situation and help truly help so many people with much gratitude for all that you’re doing

@peggyerickson4775 7 ай бұрын

I want to thank you Annie. I haven't watched your video's for about a year and this one popped up. It reminded me of how I felt watching older clips of yours and how much they helped me. I think I stopped because I feel way better than I used to in part because of your videos. So thank you! My situation in childhood was not trauma from abuse, but trauma from a parental death. I found your videos helpful anyway, although you don't address death very often. Glad to see you are still doing these!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching and for your comment. We're so glad you're here! Nika@TeamFairy

@godseeker7628 7 ай бұрын

You’ve really got good healing and a wonderful way of helping others. I too, have had a lot of “stuff” from childhood and got into unhealthy relationships... I thank God for Al-Anon! Yep, the work on myself through it, has helped me and soo...many others! What a wonderful gift! Thank you for encouraging others!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience with us :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@DeniWrites 7 ай бұрын

I am 36 and all these years I have waited someone to love me so I can finally give myself the permission of self love, regardlessly to say no avail. I know this wound maybe would never get healed but this is a fantasy I live in, someday someone will love me, really really love me and finally I'll be able to see, indeed, I worth to love, and happiness, and the joy of living with your special one.

@JustBeREAL1st 7 ай бұрын

You have helped me so much! Thank you💜

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

@ekay881 7 ай бұрын

I love your videos and they help so much. Would love to hear more about ptsd and the relationship with food (emotional addiction of) excessive eating.

@somer0703 5 ай бұрын

I would love this too. My mother was a raging alcoholic, I think I eat instead of drinking alcohol. Lots of addiction to different things in my family of origin. Mine just happens to be food

@MadAboutBrows 5 ай бұрын

My overeating seems to be as a replacement for sex 😵‍💫

@darnellehurd8986 7 ай бұрын

Anna you are such a breath of fresh air! You tell us the hard things in such a kind way. Have learned so much about myself from you. Thanks for what you do so well.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Wow, that's wonderful to hear! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@berniebarclay2183 7 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairyThere's a Team Fairy. You just made my day!

@turquoise-flower 7 ай бұрын

❤ Yesterday I was thinking on this. My situation is different from the one on the letter, but I recognize the tendency to reply in my life my fathers abandonment . Casually, today I woke up thinking as a new Me, as product of inner work made this past years, but specially last months. Iam finally beginning to discard what I don’t deserve, discerning what comes from my inner child, wounded, and what I as adult need to choose. I still do some things my inner child don’t see as a problem, but I’m more concerned 🙏🏻 thanks for all you support as always!

@Jrsdigest 7 ай бұрын

18:09-18:23 I like this analogy for the Daily Practive🤭It's just like that! For me, it's like a weight off my chest or the subsiding of a headache.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

That's great! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@danielanunez6733 7 ай бұрын

Awww thank you, you always make me feel better like I'm not broken and every self-destructive choice I have made was a normal response to what I have been thru

@elizabethalexander6528 7 ай бұрын

Thanks Anna Love your message and sweet women if a guy treats you bad it will never ever get better. I want to start a real love community here in Davenport Iowa. I can dream!

@mike110111 7 ай бұрын

This is so heart breaking to hear. Thank you for supporting people trying to get over such difficult childhoods

@mp9533 7 ай бұрын

Your mother was a part of the abuse, enablor.It's a really very bad idea to have a contact with her on daily basis even if "love her" and the situation seems to be fine for many reasons (ask a therapist)...it's a kind of dependence that leads to that emotional dysregulation (your subconscious and body memories gets out and you try to feel safe with her and "fix old things" on subconsconscius level but it can't work of course)!Would be a good idea to start to look for healthy new ways how to soothe yourself in harsh moments... And really look for a community a try to.reduce the contact with mum a bit like one call a week and some message sometimes. It's hard but ligechanging if you find another support too 🍀🌺

@defundhollywood3259 7 ай бұрын

I'm going through a situation with a coworker right now, and it brought up issues with me and my mom because it shines a big light on how her dysfunctional relationship with my dad really shaped my dysfunctional relationships, and her dysfunctional relationship with me really shaped the way I feel about myself. A lot of the time people don't like to see growth in others because it holds up a mirror to the problems they're ignoring. I have taken a big step back from interacting with her, made some female friends. I love my mom but I don't have to talk to her every day. When I'm feeling better, then maybe, but not when I really need a friend.

@jessicasomeone19 7 ай бұрын

This sounds so much like my life. Kelsey I’m 52 and still deal with these feelings. Thank you for helping me put the words to my life. I’m putting those bad feelings and guilt to the side. I see you and feel you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this. We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@cezbabe 7 ай бұрын

We can't choose who we love. So in order to not want to keep up with the bad people, we need to change how we see them and really want somethibg different. Only then can we attract and be attracted to healthier people

@RaTo-tv9gb 7 ай бұрын

I am sorry for being such an idiot. I am sorry for not knowing that my traumatic upbringing ruined me and made me stupid. When you grow up with anxiety your brain doesn't work the right way. My stupidity has taken a toll on my dear mom, who did not protect me and I hate myself for that. I am an alcoholic trying to drink myself gone. I love Anna Are Uncle. You really help people! Thank you people for sharing and thank you Anna for being a busy, little bee. Keep helping. I believe we need you, Pilgrim.....Sherpa of traumas.

@defundhollywood3259 7 ай бұрын

I'm currently working through a situation at work, got some unwanted attention from a co-worker and it just pushed every single button. Everything I'm doing is like a mirror image of my last abusive relationship. It's made it really hard to figure out what is even happening in the current situation, because I don't know if I'm reacting to the present or the past. And it's even more complicated because I think he's going through something similar due to his own past, so we're both interacting in the worst ways possible. It makes me very sad because I really thought we had a great working relationship and now it just seems to be done. It also made me realize that my self-hatred really is interfering with my ability to connect with others on a healthy level. It's really time for me to heal myself. I am signing up for one of your courses today ❤

@aubreysnyder338 25 күн бұрын

Wow! Literally every video i learn something. So grateful to come across your channel in 2022. The healing road is SO long. But much shorter than doing nothing and hurting for all of one's life. Thank you 💜

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 24 күн бұрын

Thank you for being a part of our community here! Yes, healing takes time but it's better to move forward and feel proud of taking even a small step towards healing. Nika@TeamFairy

@jacquelinecherry9914 7 ай бұрын

I have been watching your videos and you have helped me immensely ❤ thank you so much

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@vrabiastie 7 ай бұрын

I’m listening 💛

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

@braskevful5760 7 ай бұрын

Thank you Fairy, you helped me so much❤🎉

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad Anna's been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@alomaalber6514 7 ай бұрын

glad to see this named and address by a pro, great site.

@jillcookerly6122 2 ай бұрын

My abusive, raging, alcoholic parents broke up and got back together my entire childhood until, finally, after 48 years of "marriage" they divorced. No stability for us as kids.

@user-jb7ne1ui5n 7 ай бұрын

You look beautiful in that color of red

@goldalevin869 7 ай бұрын

You are so right and fricken helpful. You can heal if you surround youself with people who love and care about you and who are there for you. Question: I had an at times bad relationship with my father growing up, but we started to get along better the older I got. Now that he's gone, I realize all he did. My mother molested me, but my father told me not to talk about it, which iI wanted to do. At times, he crossed some boundaries with me, even though he stopped and our relationship turned out to be better. My mother did some good parenting, but she wa so cruel and dismissive at times (She was a narcissist .) I'm thrilled she's gone and wouldn't have been as doting towards her being in the happier place

@christinegarrity8939 6 ай бұрын

I love your work Very helpful 🙏🏻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@unstoppablegirl6062 7 ай бұрын

Hey annie love from India...my parents has also been a toxic one...in India couples don't divorce..they live together but that's another type of hell, i have seen silent treatments, physical violence, verbal abuse, once or twice my parents tried to k!ill me..when they found im dating someone and as a girl i have always looked down upon..now im 25 , can't move out (because it's not common in India for a unmarried girl to live alone) could u help...how should i tackle.... Note* my parents take good care of me and support in education,but i am not allowed to make friends with whom i can hangout with..i can go outside only with them..Are they good or bad?

@Walklikeaduck111 7 ай бұрын

Also from india... Imo in todays india it is possible for girls to leave the parental home for work or education. Get an education and a hostel. Or a job far away from parents. They will let you go if its for a good job. Find a pg or roommates. Stay single for sometime until you feel independent and strong on your own. Dont go back to live with parents. Good luck.

@brittanyb5942 7 ай бұрын

Oh my! This story is very similar to my life 🥺

@RedFeather11 6 ай бұрын

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR SUCH VIDEOS... I SEE MYSELF FROM THESE PEOPLE'S STORIES... I WANT TO HEAL MYSELF AND BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND I AM. 💓💗🙏✨🌟⭐

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

Realizing your readiness to work on yourself is the first big step to healing. Daily Practice is a great tool to start the process. This is a free course that helps you connect with yourself, which will ultimately help you connect with others. Hers' a link to the course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@cassiestevens8382 5 ай бұрын

Thanks❣️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

@jinxfpv6637 6 ай бұрын

I always hear that limerance and unhealthy attachments stem from absent/abusive/alcoholic parents but I've dug so far back, and my parents were actually really good to me. I probably got spanked once and that was it, but both parents were very involved in raising me. I had a happy childhood, but I still feel like I have some of these issues, like for example, where I feel validated and worthless according to my SO's feelings. Is this normal, given my upbringing? Is it ALWAYS connected to our parents?

@katgarcia7414 7 ай бұрын

Yes to all of that!! 💯🙏🏻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

@resilience935 7 ай бұрын

I am going through the same break up make up patterns. I was with a guy who would just dismiss me everytime I brought up something. He would say I am mad or sick. And when things get bad he would just walk away or move out, sometimes for two weeks and go cold. I would then beg him to come back. He tells me on a regular basis that he doesn't want me. One night I was talking to him and he was dismissive so I started crying then he held my face and looked into my eyes and said "our time together has expired, you need to let go." I started talking to another guy and got involved with him because I was not sure about him...he found out...said I cheated and left. Four months after he came back and I took him back. Then the cycle started again...everything happens he packs up and runs to his mom...no matter how simple it is. I was so attached...I chased all the time and this makes me feel stupid. All this has been happening with my child present. I pray she never resents me.

@kapresovsk 7 ай бұрын

every time I think I am too needy or when I feel bad because I feel lonely and weak I remember my observation, that every single bad ass super confident and successful male champion has his mom on the phone ... often DAILY! and the same probably applies for females (with their dads or the whole family). remember Corben Dallas ;)

@kellb9283 7 ай бұрын

I love these videos, but using the term eroticism comes off like you get sexual pleasure from it. I don’t experience that. Romanticizing abandonment, yes, absolutely. But, limerence often kills a libido at least in my experience and it’s never been a sexual pleasure for me. The thoughts and fantasies are much more like a rom com with a sweet ending that never happens. I greatly appreciate the videos. Do some people actually experience limerence as a sexual gratification? I’m just confused on the terminology used on the title card.

@ShintogaDeathAngel 7 ай бұрын

Some people do, but I’ve found limerence can be non-sexual, or sexual depending on the relationship with the other person? Right now I think I’m going through friendship limerence, but I’ve definitely had sexual limerence too. Still, I agree the word choice for the title might not be the most appropriate.

@fannybindeki7686 7 ай бұрын

I used to b tht bad role kodel for my daughter. N im so tired tht i am the taking all tge responsibiltie keeping the wtructure (financially, emotionally, etc ) though i was in tht relationship also bcause of my issues n then heing so trapped. The fact to b tht role model keeps me in regrets n still makes me blaming me when i am not able to apply what ive learned in the past years. I hope my daughter is going to aee my efforts n not blame me for not having protected her enough. N its difficult for ke 5o hope tht she will have tht view on me cause institutions n narratives pushes me to do everything to keep the contact to her father. Nonmatter how hard i try to protect her.

@klaudiaskorka3251 7 ай бұрын

🙏 thank you

@tomtbi 7 ай бұрын

My hobby of Model Car Building works for me...

@yuk498 7 ай бұрын

Hey Anna, if someone tells you in initial getting to know each other stage, that they cheated on their ex wife/the love of their life, should you even consider them or just wish good luck and get out of that right away?

@ellenbruckermarshall4179 7 ай бұрын

Get out. Wish them well, goodbye.

@josmith7312 6 ай бұрын

"They smell good, they're there. Why not?"

@thedude232 6 ай бұрын

I pine for Anna Runkle.

@susanvaline6735 4 ай бұрын

Do you have seminars

@undefined6987 5 ай бұрын

Well, I thought everyone was a dellusional just like me. It happens that's not true. I always see people belonging in groups, in relationships just like really fast and easy and I thought things like "this things are not for me" because somehow I just don't know how to belong. I see myself as an outsider.

@liodemirror1775 4 ай бұрын

Does it only have to parents? What about kids who bullied you and other adults who were abusive

@Sunshine-bv1yy 7 ай бұрын

11:13 am please check out 18:44 timestamp

@Uvvibes 6 ай бұрын

When you’re a child you put your parents on pedestals. If they’re assholes then ha in romantic situations you’re gonna put the assholes on pedestals, hoping that they love you and they’re really not capable of that. Are they?

@brittvaughn9447 6 ай бұрын

The thing that alienates me from your videos is a lot of the emphasis on a higher power. Otherwise your videos are great, but my understanding of the research on most effective techniques for overcoming this kind of thing, even from religious experts such as the wonderful Mormon on Cinema Therapy, Jonathan, is that they are best when they don't use the AA format. There's very little good, solid research on it.

@Jajajajiiu 5 ай бұрын

😢❤

@24-7flounderproblem 7 ай бұрын

❤

@oldyeller6518 7 ай бұрын

🧚‍♀️ 🧚‍♂️ ❤

@deego237 7 ай бұрын

16:55 let me timestamp this

@askwhateverlol 6 ай бұрын

13:52

@calsavestheworld 7 ай бұрын

The thumb is creepy as hell.

@ewa11411 7 ай бұрын

🤍

@heidevoglis9178 7 ай бұрын

I appreciate the videos. Sin is why there is sooo much hurt in this world. Jesus is the only true healer and is coming back soon. He's my true love. I've been hurt most of my life so. ...I don't need a man in my life. Jesus will never fail me.. ❤