If It Leaves You Sad and Empty, it May Be Time to Let Them Go

Рет қаралды 22,293

5 ай бұрын

🔴 SALE! Take $120 OFF My Annual Membership. Sale Ends July 4: bit.ly/4eIfdAl
🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Come See Me In Person! Workshops in US, UK: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
If you grew up emotionally neglected, it takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship. That’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them - and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? Should you take any love you can get, or risk losing the only bits of support you’ve got, right when you need people the most?
Try the FREE Daily Practice Course - to tolerate the pain, and handle closeness with mom: bit.ly/3Y4263I
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com/ccf

Пікірлер: 82

@WalkByFaith24 5 ай бұрын

Yup… Trauma bonding at its best!! Thank you so much for what you do, you helped give me the courage to finally stand up for myself after 15 years of covert narcissistic abuse and I left him last March.

@stacyjaye6350 5 ай бұрын

Yay!🥳🎉🎇 Good job! I'm sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂☮️

@WalkByFaith24 4 ай бұрын

@@stacyjaye6350 thank you friend!! I need all I can get.

@loveinthematrix 5 ай бұрын

My mom passed away December 16 2023. On October 2020, I went no contact with someone who I was in love with since 2011 (my first relationship) and developed a major codependence and limerence towards their presence in my life. She told me she couldn't be there for me while I was struggling with my mom's cancer. It felt like the biggest heartbreak of my life - but over the past three years of going no contact I developed an inner strength I never thought I could find. Every night I spent alone, I committed to that feeling and worked with it rather than hoping some idealized partner would come in and make it all better. I was able to be fully present with my mother, I was able to forgive, I was able to rely on myself and prioritize my own healing. Now I grieve my mother, with a deep strength in my soul. I am so grateful I let go of my ex, I am so grateful I am not waiting on any calls from people who didn't want to be in my life, I am so grateful I learned the beauty in saying goodbye. Xoxo.

@MR-mw9jv 5 ай бұрын

Your journey and strength sounds beautiful. I am so glad, you found this kind of power and also found forgiveness within yourself. Be VERY proud of your strength and inner beauty, all the Best for you in future 🌺

@beenstabbed 5 ай бұрын

Beautifully put. I am glad you were able to find a sense of inner peace within yourself. I feel like so many of us have been in a position similar or the same as yours. It is so painful! Much love to you.

@renee7113 5 ай бұрын

I am sure that wasn’t easy- bless you for your strength and inner knowing and your example.

@TheShitArtist 5 ай бұрын

This is a beautiful story. You should be so proud of yourself

@truthowl3265 4 ай бұрын

Well done, brave soul.

@wmh1626 5 ай бұрын

I strongly believe the cortisol released by constant dysregulation feeds some types of cancer tumors (from personal experience) . It sounds like this guy is a constant cause of stress, which the writer just doesn't need right now.. Best wishes for speedy treatment and recovery. Much love 💖💖

@spinnetti 5 ай бұрын

I don't even get the breadcrumbs lol. Hard to walk away after 40 years though. On the other hand, miserable until I die doesn't sound great either.

@einundzwanzigmillionen 5 ай бұрын

my heart goes out for you, must be so hard 🫂

@stacyjaye6350 5 ай бұрын

Freedom, no matter how humble the circumstances, it's a beautiful thing.

@SIC647 5 ай бұрын

I found it difficult to leave too. In the end he did, and I am so very grateful for that, because my life has so much more light, happiness and freedom.

@yb958 5 ай бұрын

40 years is a long time, but a minute of freedom is worth it.

@ChickFenwick 5 ай бұрын

Let walking away be your accomplishment.

@lumpyspacecadet 5 ай бұрын

This man uses her as a booty call knowing she's battling cancer??! He ought to be ashamed of himself. That's incredibly disgusting treatment.

@deborahwalker1208 5 ай бұрын

I recently left a "bread - crumber." This has been hard. I've been in therapy for childhood traumas and learning how to love myself, speak my truth. I've called him out, no expectations. I don't want him in my life. Hugs, prayers, lots of love to my fellow survivors. I recently said to my therapist "I realize I need myself now more than ever.'

@secheclare 5 ай бұрын

That last quote is very eloquent. Thank you for sharing. I hope you take care of yourself and put yourself first.🤗

@lovenothate 5 ай бұрын

The timing of this Physio is astounding… My mother is coming to visit Monday after breadcrumbing our relationship for years. She has never really been there for me, she was my abuser and she gaslight me anytime I even consider bringing up the abuse. She emotionally blackmail me and she scapegoats me. so she's coming Monday and I plan to give her a hug and say goodbye, knowing my heart that that's the final goodbye even if she doesn't know it. Going to try to cut her out of my life. I did this once before and five years later she begged me to bring her back into her life and guilt trip me and made me feel ashamed for cutting my mother out. but a few years later she almost ruined my wedding and when my husband and I became homeless she refused us a room and her poor bedroom house where she lived alone. She has not brought anything but strife and pain my life and I'm ready to let go. I'm almost 40… It's time to let go of this pain and heal and move on. This is a bridge I don't need to keep and need to burn

@ameliamorningstar 5 ай бұрын

You’ll feel lighter when you let that guy go. Plan for some grieving of the loss of it 🫶🪽

@W3S3333 5 ай бұрын

If it leaves you sad and empty you need to work on self love. To truly love yourself you won't accept less than you deserve and you have enough love in your own self towards yourself that you aren't even hurt by someone else's inability to love you the way you can love them. Beautiful!

@josee-karineanglade2 5 ай бұрын

Crapfit !!? I like that. I also like the term " relationshit".

@AutisticBarbie 3 ай бұрын

It’s great lol

@kabel7985 5 ай бұрын

I am so amazed at how empathetic & compassionate you are - I really feel a loving spirit. Thank you for all you do - it really is helpful to know someone’s in your corner!

@vivianworden2706 5 ай бұрын

I can't believe a man would want to take from a woman going through cancer treatment.😔

@auroraborealis6398 5 ай бұрын

yep, this world is crazy

@sxwrtr918 5 ай бұрын

Some have no shame. They'll try to take, regardless of whatever you may be going through.

@ds37215 5 ай бұрын

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm very much not. No matter the circumstances, there will be some.. Sometimes a leech comes in a "nice" (friendly, apparently good-hearted) package. Some services that may be leeched are not necessarily s.xual or financial (they can be emotional, validation, etc). Best to cut off anything that's head-spinning and draining.

@Analysis_Paralysis 5 ай бұрын

Yeah, it's so selfish! Selfish beyond limit. I'm so angry at that man...

@Captain_MonsterFart 5 ай бұрын

I can.

@nycjanedoe 5 ай бұрын

What does it say about the man who goes to an already vulnerable woman to exploit her vulnerability for sex. Some people are so intolerably, unscrupulously gross.

@Analysis_Paralysis 5 ай бұрын

If she lets go of him, it's maybe also helpful in battling the cancer. She can then heal doubly, physically and emotionally! 💚 I hope she gets through this...

@WalkByFaith24 5 ай бұрын

Wow I can’t believe how much this is EXACTLY my story except for like 3 minor details. Crazy 😜

@char-su9vu 5 ай бұрын

700K! Congratulations!! 🎉 You deserve it!! Thank you for the incredibly valuable content 💛🤗

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!!

@char-su9vu 5 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🥰

@tomtbi 5 ай бұрын

I agree she should just stick with the people that will do for her rather than one just looking for a "Booty Call"...

@justdawndb 5 ай бұрын

Oh goodness i hope this young women is successful in her recovery. It sounds like aside from the horrible C, things are looking up for her, with her Mother miraculously being there for her in this time of great need. That truly is something many of us will never get to experience and I'm so grateful it has happened for her!!! The courage and strength she's had being their for herself is amazing to me. Believe me the "comfort" of having the man around now and then is only good for the "routine." I literally pray the mother stays the course, hopefully she has raised her own bar in life - how wonderful that would be!Dearest CCFairy you are a gift and a source of strength for so many of us. I dare say this young women will be thought of prayerfully by many. Thank you so 💞

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@dameanvil 5 ай бұрын

0:00 🚫 Ending breadcrumb relationships is essential for personal transformation. 0:21 ❓ In times of crisis, should one accept any love or risk losing support? 0:32 📝 Marsha, 43, undergoing stage two breast cancer treatment, seeks advice on setting boundaries with an ex. 1:48 💔 Marsha fell in love for the first time, faced heartbreak, and used it as a catalyst for self-development. 2:06 🔄 Marsha struggled with codependency, jealousy, and feelings of unworthiness. 2:39 🏋‍♀ Despite personal growth, Marsha was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. 2:52 🤝 Reconnecting with her estranged mother brought positive support and affection into Marsha's life. 3:08 🚫 The man Marsha loves offers little support, affection, and labels their relationship as "friends with benefits." 4:00 ❓ Marsha wonders why she's obsessed with this man despite feeling exhausted. 4:09 💬 Therapist advises Marsha, acknowledging her struggle with cancer and offering support. 5:00 🩹 Trauma healing enhances Marsha's physical, emotional, and psychological strength for cancer recovery. 6:07 👩‍👧‍👦 Therapist encourages Marsha to heal the trauma with her mother, embracing the positive changes in their relationship. 8:11 🚫 The man in Marsha's life is a distraction, negatively impacting her integrity and self-worth. 8:56 🧘‍♀ Therapist urges Marsha to let go of the toxic relationship, making room for positive connections during her healing. 9:39 💡 Encouragement for making big life changes and processing emotions with daily practice techniques. 10:24 🆓 The therapist offers a free daily practice course for emotional well-being and healing trauma. 11:18 🤝 Community support is available for those on the path of healing trauma through peer-led courses and Zoom calls.

@lauraelliot5716 5 ай бұрын

It is so hard to not feel very loved even if there are people in your life who do love you And have terminal illness and so it alone for a very long time After you have an illness that ravishes your looks and self esteem as well as trauma that stems from childhood well it can be very easy to want to fall in the arms of someone in both intimate and sexual ways because of loneliness and not feeling very loved. I can't tell you how hard it is to have cancer and be very very ill and have to do all your clothes washing, cooking, dishes, sleep in soiled sheets if too exhausted, do all your grocery shopping, administer meds and have no one understand or validate your pain. And be all along emotionally too and not have anyone to hug you and hold your hand and feel like you will die alone too when you are under 40 years old. That is why it is very easy even when you are that sick if someone you Kind of have a connection with to want to be close to them even they are unavailable and not right for you because of that and they are a wrong fit but you have some things in common but probably a lot not. So that can be very painful because everyone needs love and connection even those that are very sick. And when you do not have many people or anyone who really gets you that can be very difficult particularly for those with disabilities too. And the same thing with my own mother like she has a similar sickness and sometimes I desperately need some support and I actually appreciate her stepping up but sometimes she can go back to old habits particularly because we ate very different too but it does happen even in ways like trying to control my finances but there is no one else at times and I can see she is very unwell and I appreciate her efforts when desperate. But still feel very lonely and taken advantage of by trying to connect with unavailable people as well as my own inner shame even though I am sometimes very lonely and cannot stand the combination of loneliness and pain so sometimes touch makes it more bearable even if it is very wrong but it is hurting me in more ways than one.

@-melanie-1115 5 ай бұрын

Good luck and so much love and health to this strong woman. And Anna, thanks for your kind words. I went through cancer as well and your words would have helped me then.

@tomtbi 5 ай бұрын

She just needs to concentrate on her cancer recovery rather that this "relationship" IMO...

@keeganschilz9063 3 ай бұрын

Broke up with the first person I fell in love with about seven months ago but was involved in a bread crumb relationship for years. It started off with lots of mutual love bombing (which made me feel over the moon as someone who didn’t regularly experience love) but then developed into an anxious avoidant type relationship. I would drop everything for her and push myself to do things I knew I was not ready for then was left with distance when I needed comfort and love the most. This was one of the most torturous things I’ve ever experienced. Slowly I realized i needed to cut her out, that she only talked to me when she needed something from me and that she really did not care for me the same way I cared for her. After a very long 4ish months and a traumatic life changing event, I realized it was time to let her go. I still think about her occasionally, but if she came back I’d hope I wouldn’t crumble. She’s still in my life so it’s difficult to avoid her, but making choices to be more distant and not put hope where there is none has really saved me. Emotional neglect can really fuck you up for the rest of your life. Even though she’s been such an influential person in my growth and character development cutting her out of my life like this has quite literally saved my life. Being in love with someone who knows you love them but doesn’t love you back while they still stay in your life so they get support when they need it is just torturous. Just torturous. If you’ve read this far, I hope you don’t have a situation like mine and if you do, cut them off. Life is so much better when you only surround yourself with people who are there for you, even if you are incredibly lonely in the mean time.

@josefinemilo 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Anna!🙏❤️

@newcures7813 5 ай бұрын

Your videos are great, and I always appreciate them. Thank you for what you do. 🙏

@jodiadams7164 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for all that you do. I am 69 now I hope I have time to learn this and put it into practice.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy

@sonyaparkin7841 5 ай бұрын

So glad your mom is there for you right now, sending you so much love and healing thoughts- let us know down the line how you are doing, blessings to you 💚💛💕💜💙🌟🌅

@Gigiyoungerme 5 ай бұрын

🎉 have a great day today tomorrow & everyday Anna Runkle 🎉

@SirenaSpades 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for this great advice as always.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@Rovan10 5 ай бұрын

Can you do more content about shame, pls ? And Thank u so much for all the effort ❤🙏

@mariannethames962 5 ай бұрын

Outstanding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@josefinemilo 5 ай бұрын

Sounds much like my story. I had breastcancer at 34. Only i haven't cut my family off but I don't see them as much.

@valerietan515 5 ай бұрын

I'm proud of myself ❤

@MaryBethPetra 5 ай бұрын

Marsha I hope you get better soon and will find the love that you deserve. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@kennypham3856 5 ай бұрын

I have issues with coldness and overly-detached people! I usually break off the relationship after about three strikes!

@kennypham3856 5 ай бұрын

Haha!

@jewelstar9000 Ай бұрын

Maybe she can find a support group to talk to other people going through something similar? People who would give support to each other?

@zeefromvenus 5 ай бұрын

thank you ❤❤❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@WalkByFaith24 5 ай бұрын

Nope. Lost me at the mother caring. Grateful she has her through her terrible story.

@user-nc7nx6hx5k 5 ай бұрын

I really cannot phantom how a guy can live with himself for doing wrong to someone who has cancer. Just becos you can doesnt mean you should. Can guys just be better already? Can they please evolve already??

@sandrasabatini5175 5 ай бұрын

Is half way romance the same meaning as AA members overhauling all of your relationships and sex inventory?

@Wandering841 5 ай бұрын

💔

@MsCaterific 5 ай бұрын

💟

@BJJ_Richie 5 ай бұрын

I have a big question, can having big gratitude in life just for life in general , can that heal trauma and a lack of self love ?

@Analysis_Paralysis 5 ай бұрын

It can't. I used to be a very grateful person, but it actually, strangely, made me even more vulnerable to abuse and the trauma that came with it. Gratitude on its own doesn't do anything. It actually made me 'crapfit' to the point that it's now unbearable. Had I been less grateful, I would have accepted less 'crap' in my life! ;) My personal view, now, is that traumatized people should be less grateful for the crumbs they get. :) They should strive for more. Their dignity is worth more than their ability to accept as little as possible.

@homiesenatep 5 ай бұрын

@@Analysis_Paralysisthat’s why I strived for power over abusive people. I tried to gain power because with those type of people, that’s all that matters. Compassion and kindness doesn’t work with them, neither does positivity with them. Power over abusive people creates a karma that’s less severe than power over regular people, but nonetheless, I guess it’s worth it

@Analysis_Paralysis 5 ай бұрын

@@homiesenatep Nope.

@bernadette573 5 ай бұрын

Only in the sense that I made a daily habit of recalling the best moments of each day and focused on the safe and pleasant experience. But in terms of jobs and relationships, looking for the tiniest bright side, I did myself irreparable harm. I accepted positions with a known horrible boss, stayed too long, did not appreciate how diligent and talented I really was. And relationships, well I just let one go, but how many 'chances' I gave the man is somewhat shameful. Be aware of your undercore spiritual belief system. Mine was very destructive.

@Analysis_Paralysis 5 ай бұрын

@@bernadette573 Yes!