"The Rough Sex Defence” For MURDER: Grace Millane’s Tinder Date From Hell
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2 ай бұрын#Ad - The first 500 people to use my link will receive a one month free trial of Skillshare: skl.sh/eleanorneale04241
Today’s case is about Grace Millane, who was strangled to death by her Tinder date in Auckland, New Zealand in 2018. Grace’s case shocked the country and held a mirror up to a society with a problem of violence towards women.
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Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to anyone that I talk about in this video. Everything in this video is publicly available information that myself and my team have found and compiled into one piece. This video will cover especially sensitive topics, viewer discretion is advised.While we make every effort to fact-check our sources and make sure all our information is correct - no action should be taken in reliance upon the information in this video. Please keep the comments respectful and kind. All opinions in this video are mine alone.
Thank you for watching!! Xx
@sydan-wv9tm 2 ай бұрын
someone said that ”men are scared of being catfished when they go on a date. women are scared that they will get murdered” and i think thats a good way to put it
@tostibroodje7525 2 ай бұрын
You know what's sad, I had this same conversation with my little brother a little while ago. And he seriously had the nerve to say "Well, can't women tell when a man will be a murderer or dangerous?" I told him obviously no, otherwise there wouldnt be so many cases. Im glad he at least kinda understood afterwards. But ive heard this way of thinking from more men I know. And I'm from a more "foreward" thinking country, so that should tell you enough on how it goes on everywhere
@HAHdoesit 2 ай бұрын
I don’t think sayings like this should exist because men can be murder victims too.. everyone should be cautious no matter the gender and yes okay men are known to be stronger than women but that’s not always the case, it’s merely a stereotype I’m not trying to be rude I just don’t think this should be a thing
@Grodis420 2 ай бұрын
whats more likely is raped or hurt in another way
@tobiaslawrence8928 2 ай бұрын
You don't think guys don't experience the same thing?
@iamchelseafromthegram5746 2 ай бұрын
@@tobiaslawrence8928no where near as much as women do
@lizardparty6984 2 ай бұрын
The fact that he claims putting her in that suitcase was traumatic for him really goes to show he only thinks of himself, truly disgusting.
@kelsiealice3164 2 ай бұрын
this is what i was thinking 🤢 traumatic for him, yet how did he think poor grace felt? this world is so scary
@thelittlestpika 2 ай бұрын
As Elenor said, it's almost impossible to accidentally end someone's life with rough sex but the fact that there was blood EVERYWHERE makes it obvious that something much more violent and awful happened.
@reallyrics3177 2 ай бұрын
That’s what I was wondering..the autopsy didn’t mention bleeding, only bruising & choking
@tf9241 2 ай бұрын
The problem is it is a hotel room, it could have been another guest, say a woman who had issues with her cycle, or another incident with Jesse and a girl. The fact the autopsy only focuses on the bruises and no possible stab wounds or anything that would produce blood, makes me think that maybe the blood was from something else. His previous relationships said he was definitely a character, wouldn’t surprise me if he had played rough before
@availanila 2 ай бұрын
@@tf9241 strangled people bleed usually from the ears, nose and mouth.
@MommaSullens 2 ай бұрын
Did he make any cuts to fit her in the luggage?
@cocorocherraffaello6629 2 ай бұрын
@@tf9241HOWEVER… he went and rented the carpet cleaner, why would he need that🤔
@scribble3210 2 ай бұрын
I met Jesse once in 2018 He was dating my ex’s cousin. He was at a family wedding. He told my sister he was a police officer from Australia. He’s a compulsive liar. When he was dumped he listed her number on a sex workers site so people would call her. Awful man
@mayvm13 2 ай бұрын
Wow what an asshole!!! I’m glad he didn’t stick around in your lives
@shelceegraves1241 2 ай бұрын
Yikes! I'm happy she made it out of the relationship and hope she is doing ok now! 🙏
@mandyb2245 2 ай бұрын
Ew, what a sicko!
@eprobllama 2 ай бұрын
Omg that’s horrifying
@rachaelm3298 2 ай бұрын
Thats so fcked up.. glad she didnt become victim of something worse by him.. Can never be too careful..
@avocadogal443 2 ай бұрын
I once matched a guy on tinder, the first message I received from him was "have you heard about that man that killed his tinder date?". Yes I have. And you sir are getting a block.
@b_sav 2 ай бұрын
Y’all are desperate 😂
@saharah101 2 ай бұрын
That’s terrifying
@awesomekoga7848 2 ай бұрын
👍🏼 be safe!
@funkunko Ай бұрын
stop dating men. seriously.
@kurtism Ай бұрын
@@b_sav???
@anyabreen6179 2 ай бұрын
I remember the media coverage of this case was absolutely disgusting. The guy wasn't even named for ' his protection' but Grace's entire sexual history was plastered everywhere in detail 💔
@cecilia1300 2 ай бұрын
What the hell???
@itsbecco 2 ай бұрын
his name was leaked and the integrity of the trial was almost jeopardised
@grw_gg Ай бұрын
if the killer had been a woman she would have been named and shamed so fast. such a shame that sexism is still alive and well, but people just pretend it’s not.
@sallylees467 Ай бұрын
That's not true. His identity was being protected as he was in another court case for abusing other women and if his name was made public it would have helped him on the next case as he could claim he didn't get a fair trial.
@broimliterallyjustagirl 2 ай бұрын
the rough sex defence makes me so horribly angry, this case is the first one i think of when i hear that phrase. the absolute audacity to try and explain it away, its sickening.
@fruityblue9784 2 ай бұрын
Yeah it’s insane. Like how is doing something violent during that activity somehow making it okay? It doesn’t! You know when you’re physically, mortally harming someone! And if you don’t, that’s still on you! She didn’t ask for any of that. I’m a masochist and there’s absolutely no way someone could confuse consensual pain caused to me over non consensual. Ugh.
@wolfzmusic9706 2 ай бұрын
Yes, it is usually horrible. However I did actually see a case a while ago where a guy accidentally electrocuted his wife to death during s*x. It's quite sad.
@sfmd5764 2 ай бұрын
The case of Elaine O’hara (which Eleanor has covered) has a similar “rough sex defence” where the sick murderer try to say that she consented to bdsm so she basically consented to her death. It’s just as weird and sick as the gay panic defence!
@bucketree 2 ай бұрын
It’s so wrong, its like the diff between play wrestling and WWE 😮
@xXKandyKatXx 2 ай бұрын
"B-b-but she wanted to be murdered..." 🥺
@HAHdoesit 2 ай бұрын
A minimum of 17 years is CRAZY for murder!! I hope he never gets out honestly!
@Akku8581 2 ай бұрын
That's a life sentence here in NZ
@charlessarver1637 2 ай бұрын
He shouldnt
@chris95myers72 2 ай бұрын
I said the exact same thing.
@bryiahtuffley4288 2 ай бұрын
The justice system here is awful!! Police are usually quite useless too. So much crime goes unnoticed. Its not safe here
@kaylagray2222 2 ай бұрын
Here in NZ it's a joke somebody usually gets 12 years for murder
@ericamorgan2928 2 ай бұрын
the random "blue ass waterr" in the american accent is taking me outtt 😭
@Lovelee2105 2 ай бұрын
Faaaaacts!!!!
@my_final_curtain. 2 ай бұрын
Timestamp ?🤭🤭
@jae4387 2 ай бұрын
@@my_final_curtain.9:25
@alanalake6762 2 ай бұрын
Nah she’s acc so funny
@whoa_livia 2 ай бұрын
You’re right lol she’s hilarious
@tvmayer 2 ай бұрын
I once hooked up with a man who went from playfully choking me to full on punching and strangling me. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. Let this serve as a reminder that consent must be given throughout sexual activity and silence is not a yes. My heart breaks for sweet Grace for the horror she must have experienced. Jesse is evil and should never be released.
@travelsandbooks 2 ай бұрын
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
@alex_2342 2 ай бұрын
I hope you're ok now. I'm glad you didn't get killed that day/night
@joelystevenson3795 2 ай бұрын
I hope you reported him, I’m so sorry you went through that
@Thepriestessdeath 2 ай бұрын
@@joelystevenson3795stop telling people to report and actually lesson to sa survivors. Not okay. You’re privileged.
@Thepriestessdeath 2 ай бұрын
Never let anyone make you feel bad for not reporting it. Sorry that happened to you and wish you all the healing in the world and sending you love.
@alyxandersimon5096 2 ай бұрын
NZer here! NZ has low crime rates for kidnappings and such because the police here (dependant on city) are very selective on what requires their attention! They'd much rather turn a blind eye to some teens drinking in a friendly neighbourhood than ignore an intoxicated person get tugged away by someone. In my experience I've been asked quite a few times for proof I know a drunk mate that I'm pulling into an uber. They're not amazing but bouncers here do not mess around about any possible druggings/intoxicated people getting pulled around. I told a bouncer once that a guy was making me uncomfortable and he said "That makes 2 people saying he's weird, I'll get him out." so while I've still been harassed the second they spot it they act on it :)
@soppphhhuuuu 2 ай бұрын
i wish police everywhere were like this. one of my friends overdosed when underage and drinking and the paramedics was far more concentrated on our age than the dying girl
@alyxandersimon5096 2 ай бұрын
@@soppphhhuuuu you're so incredibly strong for going through that. I hope you're doing better now and wish you and your families all the love possible.
@nikitadecruy3135 2 ай бұрын
I agree, nz is super safe compared to other countries. But this case held every single nzers heart.
@alliebean3235 2 ай бұрын
while a lot of bouncers are pretty onto it, we do have cases like that one bar in Christchurch that recently was exposed for a serial roofie ring done by the owners/bartender. i feel safe in bars most of the time, but u can also never be too careful!
@xemu001 2 ай бұрын
also from new zealand :]
@lillymetcalfe9330 2 ай бұрын
I went to the same university as her, she graduated the year before me when this happened. The whole university held a vigil and charity events to raise awareness for violence against women - it was incredibly sad. RIP Grace
@alanalangley9675 2 ай бұрын
I go to UOL. I’ll be thinking of Grace when I’m on campus 😔
@rianroberts16 2 ай бұрын
@@alanalangley9675 same
@pathemeleski 2 ай бұрын
It really says something that a man's biggest fear on a blind date, it that the girl doesn't look like what she says, while a woman's greatest fear is being murdered.😢
@kaplingnag7267 2 ай бұрын
Lovely generalizing ❤️ you're making sexism obsolete and saving innocent men and women with this
@ozy-mq8ei 2 ай бұрын
@@kaplingnag7267what are you talking about? that person didn’t say anything sexist. yes, men can be victims of SA and murder. we know that. but the majority of SA victims are women. that’s a fact.
@saturn888 2 ай бұрын
@@kaplingnag7267 men can’t be victims of sexism because there is no oppressive structure oppressing men just because they’re men. however, one thing to keep in mind is intersectionality. men of color experience gender based violence because of racism. not sexism. it’s complicated to explain especially in a comment section but that’s how the world works. do some research.
@charlotte-7700 2 ай бұрын
@@kaplingnag7267when did they ever say that this applies to *all* men or women? right, they didn't. you're reading too much into it. also, like someone else already said, men can't experience sexism because they aren't systematically oppressed
@pathemeleski 2 ай бұрын
@kaplingnag7267 it's not a generalization. It's a fact. It's the result of a psychological study that came up with these results. While men CAN be murdered, it is NOT one of their fears when going on a date. It is something women fear.
@beckyasmr7239 2 ай бұрын
Okay alittle side note after seeing the footage of him getting in the elevator twice w the suitcase tht her body was in and seeing two different people get in the same elevator is so terrifying! Like imagine being in an elevator w killer who has the victim in a suitcase and u hav absolutely no idea. It really makes u think about how many times we can pass something so awful and have absolutely no idea!
@Jordan-nw4sj 2 ай бұрын
The average person will walk past 36 murders in their life. We've studied this.
@joebloggs619 2 ай бұрын
OK, Goigle, right b now, yet another of my comments was made to v a night. Typically just before an ad comes on. Please investigate the problem. It is probably Hoigle or You Tube employees doing this.
@shelceegraves1241 2 ай бұрын
I immediately thought, "I am going to forever side eye anyone with a suitcase in an elevator, even in hotels!".
@shelceegraves1241 2 ай бұрын
@@Jordan-nw4sj Well. That's terrifying information I now have rattling around in my head.
@shelceegraves1241 2 ай бұрын
@@joebloggs619I think it might be a random glitch in the app. It's happened to me a few times. I usually just retype it and post it again and usually don't have anymore issues.
@prettygremlin1015 2 ай бұрын
Aw man. When I was 21, I went to a guy’s house for a date, and told him straight up before I even left my own house that I didn’t want to do anything sexual. He picked me up, drove an hour to his place, and then immediately proceeded to undress me and not take no for an answer. He hid my phone from me, choked me intensely, “gave me a massage” which caused awful pain and bruises on my back and chest, and proceeded to just take advantage of me because I couldn’t fight back. This case hits close to home for me, and I’m so grateful I got out of it alive. My heart goes out to her family.
@ZombiesGoRawrrrrr 2 ай бұрын
i’m so sorry that happened to you :( people are so terrifying
@joebloggs619 2 ай бұрын
Google, please investigate. Yet another of my comments has just vanished, probably some illicit data collection going on. It typically happens just before an ad comes on and it only happens in relation to comments on videos by women, dealing with feminist type issues.
@WakeyWakeyEggsandBakey 2 ай бұрын
Terrifying. I hope you've found a measure of peace and security in your life. Love from England ❤
@smithamy1982 2 ай бұрын
Never go back to their house if you don't want anything sexual to happen. It doesn't matter if you tell them you don't want anything sexual beforehand. What did you think you guys were going to do at his place that was an hour drive away from your place? Play boardgames? No offense but you shouldn't ever put yourself in that position where you are alone and they have full control of the scenario, it's just not smart. You clearly didn't deserve what happened but hopefully you learned from the situation and won't put yourself in that position again.
@XYZ-kb3mm 2 ай бұрын
@@smithamy1982 you should be so, so ashamed of yourself. imagine saying this to someone’s face after they’ve just told you this story. that should show you how truly pathetic your comment was.
@spud6195 2 ай бұрын
A woman, or even a man, can consent to being choked during sex and yet some people see that as 'oh they consented to being strangled to death'. BIG difference between sex where a person has given their consent to being choked and murder and the fact that so many fail to realise this and use 'the rough sex defence' is sickening. To claim it was an accident is such BS...you would be able to feel the difference in a consenting, conscious person and someone who has passed out. If that's not enough to make you stop and it gets to the point where the person dies it's MURDER plain & simple
@Aleutica 2 ай бұрын
i agree that it would have been obvious through body language that she was no longer consenting. however there's another big issue here that a lot of people are unaware of concerning choking during sex, i'll copy paste what i mentioned in another comment: "i do want to point out how dangerous any form of strangling is, even if you do consent. there's been misinformation going around that there's a "correct" way to choke someone (blood chokes vs air chokes). blood chokes can slow/stop blood from reaching your brain while air chokes can crush your windpipe. both can end up in severe injury or even death. this is more likely when men do it to women as men have 70% stronger grip strength than women (and don't always recognise their own relative strength) and women have thinner neck skin tissue, although it's possible with both men and women" sometimes the injuries from choking are only noticeable several days later too, and by then it's too late
@maddieb.4282 2 ай бұрын
@@Aleuticado you have any statistics or cases where consensual choking actually caused injuries?
@Aleutica 2 ай бұрын
@@maddieb.4282 www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9201570/ which shows a difference between women who had been choked vs those who had never been. there were some differences in brain scans. this was a sexual study www.kemh.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/HSPs/NMHS/Hospitals/WNHS/Documents/Patients-resources/SARC---Non-fatal-strangulation.pdf and this is more general, about choking in general and the risks
@Aleutica 2 ай бұрын
@@maddieb.4282 i think my other reply might have gotten auto-deleted, but there's a study called "Frequent and Recent Non-fatal Strangulation/Choking During S*x and Its Association With fMRI Activation During Working Memory Tasks" that shows those who have been strangled during s*x have different brain scans there's also a government of western australia article that goes into the issues with it, and it wasn't purely about s*x, it was just about strangulation in general
2 ай бұрын
@@AleuticaI think if you’re consenting to it and both parties are understanding then you can both find the right amount of pressure to not cause any harm, and plus not do it for long periods, take breaks, but obviously for some it doesn’t work like that and they go too hard and don’t listen to the person being chocked which is really sad!
@briarfv 2 ай бұрын
Kiwi here and the whole country hates this guy. My heart breaks remembering Grace’s story and I remember requesting it from you years ago. Thank you for covering
@alex_2342 2 ай бұрын
This is why I always tell my friends to share their location with me and the guys name and profile just in case something happens I could help with the case (has happened before and the profile + location helped them find her again)
@shroom- 2 ай бұрын
i hope their alright. happy they were found again!
@alex_2342 2 ай бұрын
@@shroom- thankfully, after a lot of therapy she is doing well. Thank you, please be safe if you go on an online date (if you're old enough)
@wmadar 2 ай бұрын
oh my goodness!! i hope your friend is okay ❤
@alex_2342 2 ай бұрын
@@wmadar she is, I actually was with her when I posted that comment, she's doing really well :)
@Mornotoky 2 ай бұрын
Never turning my location off ever again. This is just soo sad.😢
@JE4-1 2 ай бұрын
. I think back on all the risks I took at her age, and think how lucky I am to be alive. I was so stupid, gullible, and naive. Some of those risks were even more foolish than Grace's. Almost enough to give me "survivors' guilt". I definitely had an angel watching over me!
@bambaolina 2 ай бұрын
same!!! looking back i can’t believe some of the stuff i did and i feel so lucky that it didn’t end badly for me. it makes me physically cringe every time i think about it.
@jasminebanks5710 2 ай бұрын
Same, I "shouldn't" be alive due to my antics. So grateful to have survived my 20s!
@macielawrence9361 2 ай бұрын
Literally me now at the age of 21 to realise how many bad situations I was in with older men as a 16 to 18 Yr old and being into bdsm and going out late at night even if not drinking even just for a walk but would never do that now amd I same belive I am incredibly lucky that something like this didn't happen to me 😢 rip Grace amd ladies pls be careful something like this could happen at any age 💔
@orishabaleyler8907 2 ай бұрын
Same
@ashleighnewell3265 2 ай бұрын
Same I cannot believe the situations I literally chose to put myself in yikes
@ingridn0g 2 ай бұрын
I just gotta say that I'M LIVING for how PASSIONATE and angry you are in this video. I am a r*pe survivor and it's amazing to see a woman I admire so much react that strongly to such crimes. Sex related crimes are always such complicated matters because of all the misoginy involved, and because, even when we (the victims) survive, we are scarred for life. There is no justification, no possible explanation or excuse for abusing someone.
@nbdjz1058 2 ай бұрын
as someone who has practiced rough sex safely and consensually many times, it makes me so mad when anyone tries to defend actual abuse and harm with this "excuse"
@maddieb.4282 2 ай бұрын
Same, it’s ridiculous as someone who has experienced both to compare consensual BDSM to abuse. They are COMPLETELY different experiences so dramatically that I know anyone comparing them is totally vanilla lol
@pixiepunk25 2 ай бұрын
I completely agree
@Alejojojo6 2 ай бұрын
Choking? Then why was all that blood in the carpet of the hotel room??? Something is fishy.
@4stacia 2 ай бұрын
Yhhh I’m thinking about that
@molliefitzpatrick8157 2 ай бұрын
1:25 me realising I've watched every single video for the past 6 years 😦😦😦😦 you're the longest relationship I've ever had 😂
@gracesedan4759 2 ай бұрын
Real
@briarfv 2 ай бұрын
Another heartbreaking thing about this is that Grace’s father David was diagnosed with cancer after Jesse’s trial and passed away in November 2020 after all of the heartbreak this family had already been through. Hope Grace and David are resting peacefully 🕊️
@bethtweedy5128 2 ай бұрын
17 freaking years??? And you are serious??? I’m hoping that this is a bad joke!! Life without parole would be almost enough.
@volcanicfae 2 ай бұрын
That is the life sentence in nz :(
@joleeneriksen7680 2 ай бұрын
And welcome to our fucked up justice system 😀….
@daveings9485 2 ай бұрын
its so insane to me that pretty much every single moment of this was caught on cctv except the actual murder, and he still has the balls to insist he didnt do it at first
@faithgreensmith6971 2 ай бұрын
The footage of the women in the elevator with him while he has those suitcases is horrifying. could you imagine finding out there was a body in those suitcases that you were NEXT TO
@paigesimons2001 2 ай бұрын
It’s so heartbreaking how someone can easily take someone else’s life and act as if it’s just another day the next day.
@x27ev 2 ай бұрын
From a New Zealander, specifically Auckland, i remember when this case was made public and it was so haunting for every single person in auckland, the city was so quiet and empty for WEEKS after this case. Genuinely horrific
@sophielewis49 2 ай бұрын
Aucklander here also - it's haunting seeing photos of places he went too, knowing they're so close to home
@tf9241 2 ай бұрын
Same. I lived in Auckland around the time this case happened and I was working at the Warehouse he got the suitcases from. I would be in town late at night to get the bus home from my shift or my shift from my other job. It was scary to be a young woman out by myself late at night.
@x27ev 2 ай бұрын
@@sophielewis49 i had to stop watching when Eleanor started talking about Sky City
@itsbecco 2 ай бұрын
the girls all came together at that time, like none of us felt alone, sharing each others live locations and going out in pairs or groups… i still feel like it’s haunting when i’m in the waitakere area
@h-mz7yk Ай бұрын
If I could ask you a cool question- If I shipped my van from America over to New Zealand, could I happily do van life there for over a year without much problem? 🙏 Thanks
@TurnerIntoAMommy 2 ай бұрын
I used to work in a prosecutor's office. I saw an uptick of the "sex gone wrong" defense after 50 Shades, and honestly, that's sad. These books and movies (especially the movies) have given men, and some women, a possible out or way to get a lesser sentence because there's no way to prove 100% someone is or isn't into that kind of stuff. It's very sad. This guy knew exactly what he was doing and it wasn't playful sex or anything like that. He is a murderer plain and simple.
@miyah4142 2 ай бұрын
the “pretty little liars” theme song 😭❤️ ironic cause for some reason, she looks like she coulda been a part of that cast.
@Whatisthiseh 2 ай бұрын
I spotted that too :( so sad and love pll
@LBeditz07 2 ай бұрын
I thought I was the only one that noticed that😭
@imogenaurora 2 ай бұрын
YESSS! As a New Zealander, I have been wanting you to cover this case for years. I used to live close to where her body was found. This case was haunting and absolutely heartbreaking.
@emilymoran3224 2 ай бұрын
This man is so vile to not only did what he did but he also had the nerve to try blame Grace for her own death. I was also about to mention that he went on a date while her body was in his room but you just brought it up 🤢 his past behaviour really shows what kind of person he truly is. Watching back the CTV footage of that day is absolutely chilling 😢
@charlotterobb5435 2 ай бұрын
He also had later convictions of sexual assault against an ex partner in 2020 and was found guilty. He told the judge that he was 'full of shit'. Such a charming guy. Hes right where he belongs.
@lalafuschiva 2 ай бұрын
my big sister is the same age as grace, it’s crazy to think that it could have been my sister. this is someone’s child, friend, cousin, sibling (?), backpack traveler, classmate, former date, everything. she’s not only a victim in a murder, but a victim in sexism. may she rest in peace
@stephisom8292 2 ай бұрын
Nowhere in his story is the answer to how there was so much blood showing up on the carpets?? You don’t get that many footprints from a bit of blood coming out of someone’s nose
@cmjohnsonhuckaby 2 ай бұрын
I thought the same thing!!!
@SatumainenOlento 2 ай бұрын
It might be a blessing that we do not know. Some details can be extremely distressing and cause long term trauma. I remember 2 cases which details haunt me 😵😵😵
@LG11330 2 ай бұрын
Also, it’s a hotel room so was it definitely all Grace’s blood?
@Saturnm0ss 2 ай бұрын
@@LG11330where would that much blood come from though except from her?
@gracesedan4759 2 ай бұрын
@@SatumainenOlentoYou don’t have to go into detail, but I’m just curious what cases? If you don’t mind me asking of course.
@blackcatcrochet 2 ай бұрын
She was perfectly fine in South America but was murdered in New Zealand. She seems like such a unique, amazing, and strong woman it's sickening that such a waste of space loser was what took her from this world.
@justaperson6254 2 ай бұрын
young kiwi woman here (20, almost 21). we have a major problem with misogyny, rape culture, and shitty men. new zealand usually is safe, but like everywhere else, we have unsavoury characters. my mum has been extremely protective of me against disgusting males like jesse. may grace rest in peace.
@Gh0stsh4rk_ 2 ай бұрын
Honestly the fact she was knowledgeable about bdsm would make me less likely to buy Jessie’s story. You’re telling me a woman who knows how dangerous choking can be and that safe words, boundaries, and consent are key aspects of safe bdsm would ask a man to choke her out of the blue without any prior discussion..?
@mackaylacook148 2 ай бұрын
This
@sharongrigg5336 2 ай бұрын
Just thought I'd add another tragic part to this story, Grace's dad David passed away just after the trial finished from cancer. He was ill during the trial but was determined to be there. RIP Grace & David
@annagardiner8351 2 ай бұрын
This case makes me sick. How could he blame Grace for her own death? We all know damn well that the “rough sex” excuse is utter bullshit. You don’t accidentally kill someone. The body makes a physical, subconscious effort to save itself when it’s suffering. This man is the devil, and quite frankly, I’m so sick of men in general, blaming women for pain, suffering, and even deaths that THEY cause because THEY are the ones with sick, twisted fantasies. Grace was young, this man was older. He had every chance to stop something before it got out of hand and he didn’t. Not only did Grace die at the hands of this man, but now he gets to sit there and act like it’s her fault. God, I’m so tired.
@bayliedanielle9071 2 ай бұрын
my partners ex used to flat with Jesse. One night he came home drunk they were so scared, she had pushed her furniture up to her door and had a knife in her hand just incase…he would tell the most exaggerated lies about himself wether it was about his job family etc. a total compulsive liar. I remember driving past the forest where grace was found, such a sad airy feeling. Her story shook our country. Rest in love Grace ❤
@laurengriffiths6297 2 ай бұрын
Congrats on 6 years!! You are a part of so many of our weekly routines so thank you 💕
@JustyPeachy 2 ай бұрын
There's something about hearing your own name in a true crime story. I feel for Grace and as a fellow Grace, I wish her peace.
@beanastronaut 2 ай бұрын
For real!!!!
@gracesedan4759 2 ай бұрын
Hello, fellow Grace, I’m Grace. But yeah, something about hearing your name in a case really hits different.
@funkunko Ай бұрын
way to make it about you..
@jadeskipper5708 Ай бұрын
“So if you start to feel any sympathy towards him at all?!?!? …. You can get rid of it. You can get rid of it right now.” EXACTLY! I have the same reactions and I’m always clapping when you make remarks and comments. Tell ‘em, baby!
@sarajackson3198 2 ай бұрын
I was wondering whether you would be covering this case. I studied at the University of Lincoln at the same time as Grace, graduating on the same day, I have mutual friends who studied/were friends with her. It’s very surreal because at the time it was a complete shock to the entire university and the community as a whole. I didn’t know her personally but I knew she used to love playing hockey so the university held a tournament for her in memoriam. It was truly devastating to hear this when it happened, thank you Eleanor for covering this with such dignity. Rest in peace Grace.
@charlotterobb5435 2 ай бұрын
I live in NZ and it was so heartbreaking when it happened. I remember crying as our prime minister was on the news saying that Grace should have been safe here. She really should have been.
@sarajackson3198 2 ай бұрын
@@charlotterobb5435 I know :( it was devastating! But NZ were so supportive of Grace and her family, and the rare occasion that the police actually managed to find and capture her killer so quickly and efficiently.
@EvieR7286 2 ай бұрын
Grace’s story is one that has made a permanent mark on New Zealand, the whole country feels terribly that someone visiting was unsafe and lost their life. as well as the Love Grace handbag appeal which helps victims of domestic abuse, I often see it around the city
@justinel1425 2 ай бұрын
The audacity of this man to say he chose the spot for safety reasons yet ended up literally murdering her is next level.
@EyeLoveKats 2 ай бұрын
This is so bittersweet, because other girls finally got to speak up about but how they are survivors but sadly Grace was brutally murdered by this sick man.
@snotpup1502 Ай бұрын
And this is why women choose the bear. Poor girl. May she rest in peace.
@eggmon420 2 ай бұрын
As someone who’s into BDSM, there is NO WAY you can “accidentally” choke someone to death. If you see slipping out of consciousness, STOP.
@winglessfairy564 2 ай бұрын
I’m 21 turning 22 in 9 days from now. It’s so heartbreaking how you can go from enjoying your life to the fullest, ready to celebrate yet another lovely year of life only for it to end in a few hours….. it’s truly scary being a woman
@kristaanne2144 2 ай бұрын
But why was there so much blood???? If she was strangled where did all the blood come from???
@tiahmorey3931 2 ай бұрын
Getting a notification for an Eleanor neale video as soon as you get in the bath is heaven
@relicrainbow 2 ай бұрын
I wish I had a bath tub 😭
@yonkerz1605 2 ай бұрын
Im a 22 year old girl as well, one night I was drunk and met up with basically a stranger I met at work earlier that day. I live about an hour from Chicago and met him there. At night, alone, in the city, (a very dangerous one) drunk, with a man I just met. We had a sexual experience and he also tried choking me without my consent. I was so very lucky he stopped and didnt have too bad of malicious intentions. Its hard to forgive myself for putting myself in such a dangerous situation but I THANK GOD I am still *ALIVE*. PLEASE PLEASE do NOT do anything I just mentioned. If you're drunk, always be with someone close to you. Its so sad we have to take such precautions and my heart absolutely breaks for Grace. Please stay safe everyone!
@b_sav 2 ай бұрын
Are y’all slow😂 you telling me you’re linking with random people while you’re drunk
@Saturnm0ss 2 ай бұрын
@@b_savare you slow? Victim blaming really? Get therapy
@b_sav 2 ай бұрын
@@Saturnm0ss it’s not called victim blaming clearly if there’s evil people in this world why would you meet up with someone while being drunk
@b_sav 2 ай бұрын
@@Saturnm0ss it’s common fucking sense why even go on dating apps at all. Those sites are setup city
@yonkerz1605 2 ай бұрын
@@b_sav clearly you've never been drunk before. I was incredibly stupid yes, but I wasn't in the right state of mind. No way I would do that sober. Thanks for making me feel worse about myself
@Eleanoryoung-ro7wg 2 ай бұрын
Literally hung up on my boyfriend to watch this
@meganrobson2535 2 ай бұрын
As you should my dear 😂
@danbh84 2 ай бұрын
Brill
@CRAZY.QUEEN.. 2 ай бұрын
I had to tell my doctor bye for this. 😂
@steffMy 2 ай бұрын
im watching it on the phone with my boyfriend rn LMAO
@makenzieswanner709 2 ай бұрын
Becoming single speed run?
@Aw0manofG0d 2 ай бұрын
I met my husband online. We talked for a month on the app before I would even give him my number. When I decided to give him my number I told him he could only text me. We did that for a week before we talked on the phone. We dated online for 15 months before meeting in person. We married 3 months later and have been married for 14 years now
@torievictoria 2 ай бұрын
I met my wife online too, and she is a better partner than I ever imagined was possible. We got to know each other in a way that worked for us and we're in an incredible relationship as a result. I think a lot of people jump to "online dating is dangerous" because they want to believe keeping themselves safe is as simple as staying off Tinder, but the reality is that every relationship starts from zero, no matter where you encounter each other. There's always going to be a leap of faith.
@theneriiren 2 ай бұрын
Same with my boyfriend ❤ Feel so lucky having him in my life and that nothing bad happened as a result of finding him on Bumble but my heart breaks for Grace and other victims 💔 😔
@theneriiren 2 ай бұрын
Same with my boyfriend ❤ He's so amazing and feel so lucky having him in my life but I'm relieved that nothing bad happened as a result of meeting on Bumble. Made sure to meet in a public place for our first irl date too. My heart breaks for Grace and other victims 💔 😔
@LyliJ 2 ай бұрын
Slow and steady wins the race :)
@theneriiren 2 ай бұрын
@@LyliJ 💯🥰
@jamiedanklefs9125 2 ай бұрын
There should absolutely be a rating system for dating apps lmao
@dannii2323 2 ай бұрын
"Living like a tortoise" is the cutest thing I've ever heard ❤
@tehannah0 2 ай бұрын
not me just finishing your last video and getting recommend this (I panicked thinking I missed a vid) and then realized it says uploaded 37 seconds ago lol 😭😂 … needless to say love your videos eleanor!!!
@angelwut469 Ай бұрын
Annnnd this is why I don’t go back to someone’s hotel room, house or anything like that alone with them, on the first date, or at least without letting someone know beforehand. You could literally be on a date with your own potential murderer and not even know it. Scary
@sallylees467 Ай бұрын
My friend had her drink spiked on a casual Sunday 5pm date at a restaurant.
@bucketree 2 ай бұрын
This breaks my heart as a kiwi, Grace should have been safe here, she should have had a great experience and should have been the one country her family could relax and know we would all as a nation be kind and friendly as most kiwis are, it broke our collective hearts that she was robbed of her future and her family had to go through the hell that this act of predation and murder lead to. Her family were so gracious and forgiving it was incredible the way they worked with the police and accepted our nations grief as part of their own. Arohanui Grace 😢
@itsflikkyyy 2 ай бұрын
congrats on 6 years of youtube. your definitely one of the best true crime youtubers out there. keep it up!
@torievictoria 2 ай бұрын
He'd deserve a life sentence even if Grace's death had been accidental and he'd never had a chance to save her. By his own admission, he made every possible effort to ensure her loved ones would never know what had happened to her. He was content with a lifetime of that torment for everyone close to her, because he was afraid he might get in trouble. That's despicable enough all on its own.
@VictoriaHogg-jr3it Ай бұрын
Not a tinder advert before this video 😟
@h-mz7yk Ай бұрын
I solo travel all over the world, and I wouldn't say it's for every type of person. You need to be highly vigilant about your surroundings, you need to have apps that map your routes, and you need to stay in constant communication with people who love you. Please don't give up the opportunity to travel and backpack just because of these bad stories, there's always bad stories 😢
@Kat-V 2 ай бұрын
One thing about Eleanor's videos is that they never leave me feeling stupid or uninformed. Anything that could possibly be unclear, she will explain it! Like that you can't message strangers on tinder or that Luminol is a liquid, I just thought blood shone under the light naturally. And Ellie just explains everything to keep everyone caught up
@beccaboo9560 2 ай бұрын
As an NZer, this case shocked the whole country. New Zealand has such a low crime rates for kidnapping so everyone was so shocked something like this could happen here.
@icypassionz 2 ай бұрын
There are two types of people who accidentally hurt someone, the ones that try their best to save that person, and the one that try their best to hide the body
@MicrowaveCheese33 2 ай бұрын
I have a feeling this wasnt his first time.
@Magggneto 2 ай бұрын
Eleanor gently explaining scat has me screaming
@lilymeadowcroft5002 2 ай бұрын
I have been waiting for you to cover this case! It was such a horrific crime that happened in NZ, a place that people come to and think is safe. I remember this case like it was yesterday. The way that scum tried to defend himself in court disgusted every single NZer at the time. His name was suppressed in NZ until after he was prosecuted and I remember how angry people got at that, especially because it was suppressed in the UK and we could access those articles I think for tourists especially they don’t often hear the bad things that actually happen. I can name multiple times that hitchhikers were killed. I remember my mum picking up a young woman from Germany and her telling us how much she loved how safe it was.
@tf9241 2 ай бұрын
Fun fact, though the name suppression was a thing, I worked at the store where he got the suitcases from (not on the day he got them, that sick bastard) and we all knew his name cause obviously the police were asking for CCTV footage.
@gracie5122 2 ай бұрын
I heavily researched this case for my law coursework, thank you for covering this absurd defence 🙏
@sophlou2367 2 ай бұрын
she was a uni of lincoln alumni and when it happened there were posters up everywhere, bless her heart
@louw.6526 2 ай бұрын
How dramatically eleanor tells the story is most of the reason why i love her videos 👏
@twokindsofovenfries32 2 ай бұрын
This isn’t the fault of dating apps, or hookup culture, or alcohol. It’s the fault of a predator. She could have dated him for months, made him wait, he still would be the same violent sadistic man. He would just mask it longer. Other accounts of him show that even his friends were not immune to his toxic behaviour. The tragedy is that he got into her orbit, but if it wasn’t her it would have been another woman. It is not the fault of the victim’s choices. Ever. No one forces you to murder them in cold blood.
@suefairbrother3556 2 ай бұрын
As a kiwi I still feel deeply ashamed that this happened to Grace in our country. R. I. P. Grace and her father. Much love to her family and friends 🙏 from New Zealand 🇳🇿 Living in a hotel when on a benefit,is emergency housing, the government pays for it.
@psychxos 2 ай бұрын
congrats on the 6 years of videos! proud of you, keep up the good work! as someone with rank OCD, your videos are apart of my every day self-care routine, so I always appreciate them.
@salidge 2 ай бұрын
Hi Eleanor! I live in the city this happened and it's effected our whole country so much. Thank you sm for covering it, its so important that Grace's story stays alive and gets out there. Seeing her family travel over here and look for her, just to then find her body was heartbreaking to see and I just cant comprehend it.
@jjwolfeegirl91wolf8 2 ай бұрын
I always have that cheek to cheek smile when you upload a video! Can't believe you've been on KZfaq for six years. Congrats on all your achievements hun. You put in so much hard work and effort girl! Love you Ellz ❤️❤️
@user-gs4to2xj4f 2 ай бұрын
Congratulations on 6 years Eleanor! Thank you for all the effort and passion you put into every video. You really do justice to all those victims you've spoken about. You might have physically changed over these 6 years (looked amazing before & after!) but you've always remained your same amazing self, consistently!
@zombeevee5483 2 ай бұрын
I see a lot of women here in the comments sharing their stories, i thought id share mine. Im lucky that i havent had many violent or scary encounters, but i was extremely reckless in my teens/early 20s. Looking back i cringe at the situations i put myself in. The last ever time i slept with a stranger was about 5 years ago. I was out on the town by myself, just moved to a new city and wanted to be independent and have fun. Some guy i guess starts talking to me, im not very interested but not rude, just reacting normally to him. Eventually i wanna go home so i get on the tram, and he gets on the tram, sits right next to me and keeps talking. Then i get off at my stop, he gets off at my stop. No discussion on inviting him over had ever occurred, he just invited himself all the way back to my place and i was too awkward to tell him to leave. And it was the most awkward next morning id ever had, i didnt consent to any of it but didnt say no either. Just ugh, women be careful.
@LyliJ 2 ай бұрын
I feel you. in my 20s I would get drunk and go out, end up often alone, and wake up next to total strangers. Non-consensual sex happened many times - yes, rape - while I was unconscious or half conscious, that is 100% for sure, as I would wake up half naked, feeling funny, seeing a condom, without any recollection of the hours before. I feel extremely lucky (33 and sober now since a few years) that I survived those years in one piece, that I wasn’t beaten, killed or got an incurable illness 😳
@kittengirll1107 2 ай бұрын
Yesss Ellie please keep posting this often it’s strange to say this but u literally keep me sane you have helped me through a dark period in my life I’ve watched u since 2020
@Sydneyc2604 2 ай бұрын
Thank you for blessing us with another one hour episode!!!! ❤
@sut6360 2 ай бұрын
it’s scary because if this was another country with bad policing then he probably would’ve gotten away with it, i’m glad he’s gotten caught
@samanthadelaney8286 2 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for covering this story! I mentioned it in the comments a couple weeks ago and was so happy to see you covered it. Her story deserves to be told. Love you and your channel so much! Stay safe out there. 💖
@NoorLevyrroni 2 ай бұрын
i watched videos about this case before but i will definitely watch it by you again because i just can’t mess any of your videos. it’s very therapeutic to me weird to say this about a true crime video but it’s the truth watching you helps with my depression and anxiety so thank you.
@gabrielleglinski4400 2 ай бұрын
It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized that the British/European term "backpacking" as in like "backpacking across Europe" meant traveling with just a backpack and not roughing it in the woods with a tent across Europe for 9 months lol
@skyewebley9475 2 ай бұрын
I am from New Zealand, and I remember the first report on the news saying she was missing and then hearing the horrible news a few days later; this case really shocked NZ because you don't hear about a lot of cases like this happening here. Sending so much love to Grace's family
@Beanberries420 2 ай бұрын
thank you for all your hard work throughout all your years of creating!! i have always admired how caring you are with these cases, you are such a kind soul ❤️ (side note your hair looks incredible)
@zetagamings 2 ай бұрын
My favorite true crimer, you’re always so compassionate and informative, love you El 🥰
@julietterose1619 Ай бұрын
I just don't understand how someone can trust someone else so quickly. I'm glad I did my dating when I still lived at home so any guy picking me up met my entire family and I never went back to a guy's place until I got to know him and he HAD to have roommates or I still wouldn't feel comfortable. He had to have roommates and friends. It's so important to see someone's social life before being alone with them.
@martacapela8527 2 ай бұрын
Wow, time flies. Cant believe I've been watching you for so long. I remember when you covered the James Bulger case. Sadly that is one of the cases that has never left my mind. Keep up the good work!!
@caidra1395 2 ай бұрын
AHHHHHH YOU FINALLY DID IT!!! I was hoping you would do this case, I’m so happy. Thank you Eleanor ❤️❤️❤️
@liaclarke1 Ай бұрын
His eyes are so scary and cold
@oll-gamer6841 2 ай бұрын
HAPPY 6 YEARS!!! I've only been a viewer for a few weeks but I love your content, pls keep it up ❤
@rubylugo367 2 ай бұрын
Omg you’ve been posting so much lately!! I love watching your videos so muchhh! I always go back and tell my family about the videos every time I watch 😂❤
@aavenns 2 ай бұрын
The amount of advocacy you have for victims of this kind of crime and discrimination is so admirable!!
@_kayleejohns Ай бұрын
as a new zealander i love how you make videos for cases that take place in my country, as the likes of grace milane and ben smart and olivia hope have sort of become forgotten down here. would love to see you cover the lachie jones case as there is currently an inquest going on in nz after five years and it would be awesome to have you help bring it to light ❤
@em5848 2 ай бұрын
My best friend knew her very well. We’re all so sad that this happened. Thank you for sharing her story 🫶🏻
Eleanor Neale
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