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Lundy Bancroft: Strategies for Healing from Domestic Abuse & Avoiding Abusers

  Рет қаралды 39,208

Steph Roberts

Steph Roberts

Күн бұрын

Info on Emotional Abuse via the podcast and live streaming videos: theaudaciouslif...
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Abuse Expert Lundy Bancroft on Red Flags of Abuse, Habits of the Abuser, and How to Heal
Lundy Bancroft has spent the last twenty-five years of his career specializing in the tactics of abusive men and their impact on women and children. He is author of four books in the field, including Why Does He Do That?, the nation's largest-selling book on domestic abuse, When Dad Hurts Mom, and co-author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?. He has also written over a dozen articles in professional publications. The former Co-Director of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men, he is now a national trainer and public speaker for nonprofit, governmental, and judicial agencies on dealing with domestic abuse situations. Lundy leads weekend healing retreats for women who have escaped destructive relationships.
Most recent book on Amazon:
Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
amzn.to/1HBtcT0
See all his books and resources at:
www.lundybancro...
Q. What are some red flags women and girls should be aware of when dating?
Q. How can women minimize the psychological grip that their abusers have on them even after leaving?
One thing that we have noticed in the abuse support groups I'm involved in is that these men use the same tactics and some of the phrases are identical. Many have joked that it's as if they've gone to a training somewhere.
Q. What are your thoughts on this (use of the same tactics)?
Q. What can mothers do to mitigate the impact of an abusive father on his children.

Пікірлер: 98
@BK-oe7cf
@BK-oe7cf 4 жыл бұрын
"Why does he do that?" Should be mandatory reading in high school. Nowadays, however, people would obsess over the gender usage and ignore the message. We've pretended for too long that abuse is equal in scale for both men and women, we've catered to men's egos and we've let women's shared experiences remain hushed and we let girls out into the world without preparing them for what is far too commonplace. Every woman I've ever known has dealt with some type of men like those described in the book and if you have a daughter, she needs to read it long before she starts dating.
@lovemagicandroad
@lovemagicandroad 2 жыл бұрын
Very well put. Wished someone had educated me about the way men are before I happily embarked on my womanhood journey and married a fake A.H. Good looks and sweet talking doesn’t = kind hearted and non selfish, nor honest.
@poppyflowers7897
@poppyflowers7897 2 жыл бұрын
Hear, hear!
@pollyrg97
@pollyrg97 22 күн бұрын
If men *really* felt they were being abused as much as women they would be desperate to have the next generation educated on how to identify an abuser, because they would want to protect young *men* from abuse. As it stands, well...
@samcad-ho3ze
@samcad-ho3ze 6 жыл бұрын
Lundy has saved my life. I’m not kidding, he has actually saved my sanity and life.
@melliecrann-gaoth4789
@melliecrann-gaoth4789 7 ай бұрын
Irishman. Don Hennessy helped me so much.
@janetteramos5869
@janetteramos5869 2 жыл бұрын
When I read his book I couldn't put it down. I finished the book in one sitting! I was shocked! I felt like he was describing my life just as he was sitting in my living room watching it, while writing the book. It still took me four years to successfully be free of my abuser. He truly helped save my life and the lives of my 3 girls.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 жыл бұрын
Janette, congratulations on getting out! It takes the time it takes and it's worth it. BRAVO!! And thanks for sharing this. I agree. Lundy's books are such a great comfort and so validating of our experiences. He gets it!
@ally8746
@ally8746 7 жыл бұрын
I hid "why does he do that" for 2 months before getting the strength to leave my abuser! Now I praise the book openly(: thank you Lundy!
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 7 жыл бұрын
That's wonderful! So glad you got out Sonny. And great point about hiding the cover...it's so tricky to help yourself when you're operating in a land mine. Lundy's work is AWESOME.
@ally8746
@ally8746 7 жыл бұрын
Hello, quick update! My life has made a turn for the best! I broke up with my abuser back on December 4th and have been no contact ever since! I've lost 30 lb's, turned into a student of the national honor society, I'm about to graduate this year, gained 5 new amazing friends, gained so much more confidence and became my true happy go lucky self again. It was tough the first month. Christmas and New Years was weird without him. Especially since we lived together for over 3 years, but I made it through and even made it through vday. All without calling, texting, stalking, or anything of the sort! I stay away from any social media of his, unfriended all his friends, and just completely cut him out of my life. It was the hardest thing ever but from all the advice I've gotten from all the survivors on KZfaq, and, of course, Lundy's book, I've been over my ex completely and haven't turned back! Now when I remember those times, I don't cry and I'm not sad anymore. I seriously owe it to Lundy❤️
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 7 жыл бұрын
Sonny! This is amazing news! Congratulations on breaking FREE!! Yes, Lundy is amazing and his work has helped so many of us see the light. I'm thrilled that you left this message and I would love to connect with you and possibly interview you about what you did to get through all of it and what it was like. You can use another name. Let me know if you're interested. Lots of Love to you!!
@nevaehb.4371
@nevaehb.4371 6 жыл бұрын
Sonny, I am very happy that you got out! Lundy's book really is a life saver...it especially helped me not to give second chances anymore. I am completely done.
@Greenplanet949
@Greenplanet949 7 ай бұрын
This book changed everything for me. I had blamed myself for years. Then I saw his abuse so clearly. I got help. Thank you!
@jamie.daugherty
@jamie.daugherty 3 жыл бұрын
This man’s book gave me the knowledge that I wasn’t alone. He was able to articulate what I went through, when I didn’t have the words for it all. Thank you, forever grateful.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 жыл бұрын
Jamie, thank you for sharing this! I'm so glad Lundy's books have helped. He's the real deal, so caring and knowledgable of both the abuser's perspective and the healthy person struggling to get out and heal. Lundy will be interviewed in the next few weeks. Let me know if you have questions for him! I sometimes ask myself ...what would Lundy do? :-) Thanks for tuning in! xoxo!!
@kaystephens2672
@kaystephens2672 Жыл бұрын
This book saved me when I escaped. I saw it across the room at the library. Don't ask me how I honed in on it. I never returned it. I wasn't even looking for it. It found me and kept me from going back to the hell hole he created for me and my kids. 22 years free of the mess his parents made of him. Don't feel sorry for them. Ever. All these people do is manipulate other people. I'll never forget him shoving me out of the way in my front yard when a neighbor came over one day. Evidently he was ashamed of how I made Him look, too. Not unlike my narc mother. I mean he walked up, took me by the arm and told me to go inside while the "men folk" talked. So hard I almost fell over. This was abuse. After 11-13 years of me washing his dirty drawers and cooking his food, and cleaning his house, and taking care of his kids, and painting his house, and .on and on and on. This is how I was seen by him. I believe that people who have been psychologically abused for so long dissociate so much that they don't even hear what people are even saying because we are so focused on them and what they'll do next, what they'll say, what they'll think, what they'll feel, that you become invisible behind them cleaning up and excusing them, just like their enabling mama did for them. Their mama just stopped caring what they did. They were glad to dump them onto somebody else to deal with and could only hope for the best. Well, like they say, the proof's in the pudding. She was always a lousy cook. 😮
@Greenplanet949
@Greenplanet949 7 ай бұрын
So glad you had a chance at life.
@iheartlol90
@iheartlol90 5 жыл бұрын
As a little girl, I saw my dad fight with and hurt my mom. I've watched a few of Bancroft's lectures and I think my dad my be a sociopath. He sometimes lacks any common sense or empathy. He would also hurt our dogs; kick them and choke them. I'm 23 now and my brother has been violent and verbally abusive towards me for years. I got a restraining order against him and I don't want anything to do with him and niether does he with me. I am afraid that I will also end up in an abusive marriage. I know that I am in control of who I marry but I'm afraid that somehow, I will end up in an abusive marriage because so many women do. I'm so angered and hurt by the abuse I've gone through, I don't understand how a person can do or say things like that do somebody.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
iheartlol90 I’m sorry to hear you grew up with this. It’s hard to express the impact of abuse and seeing your father hurt your pets...that alone would scar a child. You’ve been through so much. I hope you’re able to find help to get you though this. Sending lots of I’ve and prayers your way. Stay SAFE and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and find peace and joy in your life. You deserve it. Guilt free!!! 💛💛💛
@artwithmamafairybreadd
@artwithmamafairybreadd 3 жыл бұрын
It’s a case of “ monkey see, monkey do” with your brother....my brother acts and thinks like my dad too...dads are their sons role model’s...I have a teenage boy now...he totally is influenced by his dad....that’s how it works....I’m sorry for your abuse, I also hope your brother can get help....he needs it...
@iheartlol90
@iheartlol90 3 жыл бұрын
@@artwithmamafairybreadd I agree father’s are their son’s role models. They aren’t bad all the time, they both can be helpful but when in a bad mood or if there’s a conflict/disagreement, the yelling, intimidation, control starts. My brother’s most likely not gonna get help, he doesn’t see anything wrong with him. I’ve distanced myself and am doing better.
@dawnacoxon3111
@dawnacoxon3111 3 жыл бұрын
Sorry for your pain. I understand. I endured abuse in childhood and choose abusive partners and then married a man that sounds like your dad. Thankfully after 14 years I got out. Have done sooo much healing, therapy and more! My best advice to you is to bring in your awareness when dating, use your head not your feelings (someone like your father will feel familiar like a soul mate and they can be very charming in the beginning) take it very slow! And trust yourself when you recognize that something feels wrong or off. Don’t listen to their excuses for behavior trust your own internal guidance. Also if you can get into therapy to process the pain you’ve lived through. It will to make you more secure so you can trust your choices.
@theloquaciouslady
@theloquaciouslady Жыл бұрын
Here's some advice: Don't get married or even have any kind of romantic involvement. That is the only way to ensure this never happens to you. I've even seen lesbians abuse their partners, so even that's no guarantee. Find a fulfilling career, get some pets, and focus on you. Romantic relationships are a waste of time and are becoming increasingly dangerous.
@SteffiNovaASMR_Replays
@SteffiNovaASMR_Replays 4 жыл бұрын
Ladies and Gents, if you are with an aggressive and violent partner please put Lundys book in a different sleeve. It’s not worth the risk!
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 4 жыл бұрын
SB Archives Yes!! Smart advice. Take care of your safety and do all that’s necessary to keep yourself safe in the midst of your learning. 💗💗
@barbaragrace4446
@barbaragrace4446 8 жыл бұрын
Thank You. I think those books should come with alternate covers. It's dangerous to do much around dangerous men so easily provoked.
@PhoenicianPrincess88
@PhoenicianPrincess88 7 жыл бұрын
Kindle?
@lovemagicandroad
@lovemagicandroad 6 жыл бұрын
Yes, I did the exact same thing, I hid the book under the covers too! I was terrified he would see it. I knew it would infuriate him. Mine is a Narcissist and very nasty one. I am leaving and will be so thrilled to have a life free of him, to enjoy life.
@anajohnson2243
@anajohnson2243 4 жыл бұрын
lovemagicandroad It’s been two years! I hope you left and now are free!
@SteffiNovaASMR_Replays
@SteffiNovaASMR_Replays 4 жыл бұрын
That’s such a good idea! They could definitely create a reversible sleeve for books on domestic violence.
@razzle8140
@razzle8140 5 жыл бұрын
The Toaster Throwing Behavior is a fascinating tidbit in this podcast. Wow! Being able to track down certain forms of abuse that become "popular" for a bit does contribute to the idea of how DV is cultural and could be studied by anthropologists.
@ASMRyouVEGANyet
@ASMRyouVEGANyet 5 жыл бұрын
There ar a few documentaries on the topic. This one is really good but also disturbing. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/Zq2CrZmn3J2tXWw.html
@bridgettebianchi9315
@bridgettebianchi9315 3 жыл бұрын
I say SHOULD be studied
@smokinjoestalin
@smokinjoestalin Жыл бұрын
In the process of a break up. Not going very well but I'll be glad to be free
@AnnK.-vu2yp
@AnnK.-vu2yp Ай бұрын
I bought Why Does He Do That a few months after ending a relationship with a man that started showing signs of being an abuser. It really validated my instincts… but more, importantly, revealed so much about my original abuser - my father. He used almost every single tactic in the abusers playbook, and I was too young and too naive and too in denial to see it for what it was. This book gave me a chance to finally live free from abuse, without any guilt. Thank you.
@lisalateedah
@lisalateedah 6 ай бұрын
Do not run red lights . Thats a diamond.
@carolb3869
@carolb3869 6 жыл бұрын
Processing is key! If I left a few months in, I would not have gotten the lesson or insight (I needed to make sense of what was going on). I left after 1 year of hideous abuse. I’m NOT saying stay, but I needed to understand what was happening. Now, if behaviours show up, I will leave immediately if any warning signs present. This is important and could save your life - I can’t state this loudly enough. This is what I know for sure and have learned. Hope this helps you too 💙
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
Smart advice! I totally agree. Taking time to heal and process is key and leaving anything new as soon as you get that flag in the pit of your stomach and begin to question it is smart. You can always slow it down and take some time to feel okay if he turns out to be a decent person. Boundaries and listening to your gut are essential.
@mikel1998
@mikel1998 7 жыл бұрын
I knew it was a mistake to marry him too.
@ThePwillows
@ThePwillows 3 жыл бұрын
this is amazing.. I wish I listened to this when I was in high school.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 жыл бұрын
Adreiaunna, thank you! I agree. T'his info should be mandatory in schools. I'm being mentored by Lundy right now and will absolutely bring this up. He's working on support groups for teens and young adults run by an amazing young woman who has lived through abuse. Lundy will be on again in the next few weeks, let me know if you have any questions for him. xoxo!! I appreciate you!
@XeaRae
@XeaRae 6 жыл бұрын
If you are familiar with Lundy Bancroft and wish to skip the introduction skip to 03:42
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
Thanks!!
@sportluver98
@sportluver98 5 жыл бұрын
Bless your soul lol
@melliecrann-gaoth4789
@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын
Listening again- a few months after the first time.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 ай бұрын
Thank you! So glad to hear it. ❤️🙏🏼
@sofialovinglife597
@sofialovinglife597 6 жыл бұрын
My friend recommended him to me can not wait to listen and finally get the book x
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 6 жыл бұрын
Hi Sofia! Lundy has done some amazing things for both women and children. His books show a perception of women's (and mother's) day-to-day struggles that even some of women authors in this field don't explore in quite the same way. Would love to hear what you think of his interview and book.
@Nico5890
@Nico5890 Жыл бұрын
Thank you Lundy. You have impacted so many of us. Thank you Steph.
@user-dc6wz4dv3l
@user-dc6wz4dv3l 4 ай бұрын
Thank you Steph, I've read all of Lundy's books mostly in the middle of the night or in my car. I'm from the Boston area and relate well to all of the abusive "types" he writes about. Some abusers are tri- typical like my abuser. Thankful for your's and Lundy's work. God bless.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 4 ай бұрын
Thank you!! That you have to read Lundy’s books in your car…ugh. He joked about making special decoy boring book covers. Brilliant idea that would help so many! Sending you Prayers for Peace and new beginnings, whatever that looks like for you. You deserve all your heart desires. 🙏🏼❤️🌞
@ajnacsoma4242
@ajnacsoma4242 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for all the information! Now I understand clearly my exhusband patterns, my digital abuser's patterns and you helped me so much! They are sneaky creatures and in case they are successful, rich and hide their personality it's hard to recognize them.
@theangriestoftabbies
@theangriestoftabbies 3 жыл бұрын
This is really true. Wealth can hide a lot of bad behaviors that would otherwise be exposed more readily had the abuser had less financial means.
@ivadedeva7005
@ivadedeva7005 8 ай бұрын
It can be abusive father
@hollyf8435
@hollyf8435 3 жыл бұрын
I'm finally getting out and his books have helped!!!!!!!!!
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 3 жыл бұрын
Congratulations to you Holly!!!!! That's wonderful news!!! Sending thoughts of a smooth exit and a peaceful transition into your next chapter. Stay strong!! Remember you have a whole lot of us rooting for you. Lots of Love!! xoxo
@Nico5890
@Nico5890 Жыл бұрын
Hope you are healing and living well sis ❤
@hoorae9527
@hoorae9527 5 жыл бұрын
I'm new to your channel. I'm very impressed with all the people you have interviewed. Kudos!
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much Hoo!! Love your name, you're a born cheerleader - hooray!! :-0 If you want more, the full podcast with updated episodes is here: bit.ly/AL-Libsyn - soon more video interviews (not sill images) will be up here too. :-) Excited to share the brilliance of my guests!!
@melliecrann-gaoth4789
@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын
Don Hennessy- Steps to Freedom. And How he gets into her head. Both books on Amazon. Very helpful as is Don himself
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 ай бұрын
Thank you! I’ll check out his book. His name is new to me. xo
@dietrabenton5907
@dietrabenton5907 5 жыл бұрын
This was really good and informative ❤️ Spot On!
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
Dietra Benton Thank you!! I’m do glad you found it helpful. Lundy is the real deal. Hope to get him on again!
@wishyouthebest5599
@wishyouthebest5599 5 жыл бұрын
Sir I was only 23 years girl caught by 30 years man who want to join politics..he we was very toxic abuser...he was continue depressing anger by, refusing communication, give me mental punishment...and when I loss my anger, my mental balence he take advantage of it to prove how directly person I am and refuse for marriage...plz help me..he don't have regret even
@BaddieRNurse
@BaddieRNurse 8 күн бұрын
I feel like my man has red flags he very possessive and jealous and often threatens me when he gets mad by saying stuff like “I’ll black your eyes”. A couple times he’s choked me and said he was just playing after I get mad and tell him not to play like that it’s scary. but he’s so caring and loving at the same time like he’s loved me more than anybody ever has so it’s like I’m torn. I feel like he just need to heal some of his childhood traumas. I love him so much and don’t want to give up on him. His mom left him as a child and his father passed when he was really young.
@capithegoat6175
@capithegoat6175 3 жыл бұрын
What is this? How they used all this to destory my life. The Real Goat.
@HTHTNT77
@HTHTNT77 10 ай бұрын
Why Does She Do That is available for free via PDF so it's accessible to everyone.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 10 ай бұрын
Thank you! I didn’t know that. It’s wonderful! I’ll find the link.
@melliecrann-gaoth4789
@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын
He used to do massive silent sulks in the company of others. I’d ignore it and smooth it over yo not want to make a scene. He had this “ extremely shy” thing going on. Premeditated, manipulative, unreal… I for the sake of group company smoothed it over- so anyone who reads this- good manners are not always the right thing to do. He is an extremely twisted, under the radar person who fools so many and makes himself look like a victim
@fools_journeyman
@fools_journeyman 6 ай бұрын
Any resources on finding a support group would be greatly appreciated. I’m desiring one that is for those who are quite aware of the abuse they have experienced & healing through a spiritual perspective. Not a church, nor a religious community nor purely mind focused but a holistic perspective through the body, mind, heart & spirit. Thank you.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 6 ай бұрын
Sure. I would check out Lundy’s group, the Peak Living Network. This is not specifically spiritual but can be for you. It involves connecting with others and being able to share what you’re going through and support others. I made brief video that explains it here: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/e85nhchpxtabqY0.htmlsi=p1wszx9MaDlTbWcL Peak Living Network (PLN) - peaklivingnetwork.org - Based on Lundy's book "The Joyous Recovery." - Involves co-counseling sessions in groups or pairs to share and process emotions. - Not a substitute for therapy but can be a helpful adjunct. - An option if you can't afford therapy or are waiting to access it. - Requires some training first before joining the network. - International network with an online option. Let me know what you think. I’ll continue to search for other groups that feel safe and are openly spiritual. Thanks! And good luck on your healing journey. 💛
@fools_journeyman
@fools_journeyman 6 ай бұрын
@@StephaniRoberts hi:) thank you so much for the timely response! I clicked on the website & read through everything but when I went to watch the online orientation it said video not available. Do I just fill out the contact form and someone will reach out to me? I believe in this concept & I believe this is exactly what feels good to me. Thanks again.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 6 ай бұрын
@@fools_journeyman You're so welcome! Thanks for letting me know about the website. I haven't joined in quite a while, but it's safe to fill out the form and wait to hear back. I know he was running the groups in cycles, so you may have to wait for another to start up again. After you complete the form, check out his book if you haven't already. It's The Joyous Recovery: amzn.to/49Ypa9R I hope it sends you on a path to connect and heal. 🙂
@missred5918
@missred5918 4 жыл бұрын
Wolve in sheeps clothes
@AwsmNix
@AwsmNix Жыл бұрын
I would love an in depth look at the dynamics of gay relationship abuse, given the patriarchal dynamic is a bit different, Altho not by much. It seems like in gay abusers they still learned the “mens role” in a relationship and super impose the “rules” of women on their partner, but not always. Idk if it’s been studied so much though.
@theloquaciouslady
@theloquaciouslady Жыл бұрын
I work in a domestic violence shelter, and I have had several lesbian clients who were abused by their female partners.
@brittanyharris6953
@brittanyharris6953 7 жыл бұрын
How long is a goodtime to allow healing? Im currently going through a divorce with my abuser. We've been separated for over a year and Ive been keeping to myself until recently. Been flirting a lot, chasing men away lol and attracting some but I just feel out of place :-(
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 7 жыл бұрын
Hi Brittany! I'm so glad you're out and on your way to a sense of peace. As far as timing goes, that's such a personal thing but I would say it's totally okay to take alone time to dig deep and heal old wounds. Many women jump into new relationships right away to fill a void or to fill up with what was missing in their toxic relationship. It's human to want to do this but it can wreak havoc on your self-esteem if you're still attracting the wrong men. Honestly, the best thing may be a casual social group where you can be doing something with men and women and the pressure is off YOU. So groups centered around hiking, outdoor activities, movies, dancing, and other meetup topics that appeal to you. Check out meetup.com and see what appeals to you. Building social connections will strengthen you and reinforce all your best qualities. Something we all need especially after being in an abusive situation. The main thing is to know it's okay to feel out of place...I still feel like an alien sometimes and it's been 3 years! Being a part of a decent support group for DV will help you feel more connected but be careful not to dwell in the dark memories. Look toward the light and you'll get there faster!! xoxo
@sofialovinglife597
@sofialovinglife597 6 жыл бұрын
There is no right time everyone's situation is unique , you will know when the right time is . Do not rush if you are not ready, find yourself focus on your happiness and being whole x Good luck on your journey .
@jennj9026
@jennj9026 5 жыл бұрын
Read How to Spot a Dangerous Man (before you get involved) I was in a custody battle with a Narc for 7 years...I tell everyone about this book...8 types of Dangerous Men...narcs are the obvious ones....I ended up in a one year relationship with someone who seemed the opposite of a narc, only to learn that those things that made him not seem like a narc...were also..."dangerous"...that will makes sense if you read this book. @@StephaniRoberts
@melliecrann-gaoth4789
@melliecrann-gaoth4789 7 ай бұрын
🙏❤️‍🩹
@thesetruths1404
@thesetruths1404 4 жыл бұрын
I'm a guy who always is open to communicating and seeking guidance (therapy, accountability, etc). What do I do with a wife who came from abusive childhood and followed that model until she was about 33 years of age and then cleaned up, but still had all the abuse in her past that began being focused against me? Tests we've taken have shown she's dismissive avoidant. I'm mostly secure but have some anxiousness due to being with her for 8 years and not knowing what she had in her past and not understanding how to help her open up with us and heal so we got into negative sentiment mode towards each other. What do men like me, who are being accused of being a conglomerate of all her past, do to help her? She is stuck it seems in casting me in her past.
@bridgettebianchi9315
@bridgettebianchi9315 3 жыл бұрын
Get her into therapy and support her. You cannot changer her; only your reaction to her behaviors. What does followed that model mean? How does one clean up from an abusive childhood model? What?? 👀
@thesetruths1404
@thesetruths1404 3 жыл бұрын
@@bridgettebianchi9315 her parents bad modeling. She carries it and payed it forward.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 2 жыл бұрын
These Truths, I'm sorry this is SO late. I hope you were able to find some support for your wife. It sounds incredibly challenging for you as the healthy sincere person being cast in the role of people from her past. I think through therapy she can see how much of this is her story (legitimately) based on her past vs. what you are actually doing. Clearly you have sensitivity and awareness. Feel free to share some narcissist content to with her so she sees the contrast. I assure you, an abusive narcissist would NEVER have the awareness or ability to write what you wrote. She doesn't want to be hurt again, so she's expecting the worst from you even when you bring care and genuine concern and love. My heart is with both of you. I totally get that it's tough for her to see you for who you are and trust that you're sincere. Tread lightly and SHOW her who you are vs. saying too much. Your actions will ALWAYS speak louder than your words. I wish you the best. Please let me know how things have turned in the last year. COVID and lockdown has put an incredible strain on ALL relationships. Hang in there! You're a wonderful human and husband for reaching out and seeking help.
@theloquaciouslady
@theloquaciouslady Жыл бұрын
@@StephaniRoberts According to Lundy Bancroft, there is no such thing as a "healthy, sincere" male, other than himself of course. Bancroft would say this man is only pretending to be sensitive to manipulate his partner. As a Bancroft worshipper, I'm surprised you would even stoop to communicating with this lowly, potentially violent male.
@45jackiegreekcalmingmysoul79
@45jackiegreekcalmingmysoul79 7 жыл бұрын
my daughters "ex" would beat her up waking her up out of sleep at night at 1:30am every night.. full fist punches.. face..head...back..legs.. while she is pregnant..she is 34weeks now.. what kind of psycho are we dealing with???
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 7 жыл бұрын
That's frightening. I'm not a psychologist but the ability to do something so repulsive to a pregnant woman sounds like a personality disorder for sure. I'd say he's a psychopath. You used past tense, "He would be her up..." I hope to God that means she left him and is now in a safe place. I'm sure you know this but in case someone reading this does not, you can call the hotline - 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or www.thehotline.org/resources/ and talk to someone and look at their resources to get help out of a situation for yourself or a loved one feeling hopeless and trapped. There's always a way out but having solid help can make a huge difference in your safety. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter, and grandchild.
@StephaniRoberts
@StephaniRoberts 5 жыл бұрын
I hope she made it through this Jackie? Did she get out? Did her child survive? I'm finding that this sleep battering is not uncommon and women being more abused while pregnant is also common with abusive men. They're no longer the focus and it's my feeling that pregnancy, babies, children, dogs, in-laws and anything that takes the focus off of them results in anger, jealousy, and retaliation for the lack of attention.
@Cassandra.695.11
@Cassandra.695.11 5 ай бұрын
​@@StephaniRoberts I was also beat on while pregnant. It was less often after I had my child
@BaddieRNurse
@BaddieRNurse 8 күн бұрын
I feel like they do that when their tryna make the woman lose the baby smh she didn’t deserve that
@SunMoonRising777
@SunMoonRising777 Жыл бұрын
❤️‍🩹
@YFZ450rsmokinU
@YFZ450rsmokinU 5 жыл бұрын
That song by Eminem is showing what the majority relationships are like in America I believe I don't think he's promoting the violence
@carolwolff4251
@carolwolff4251 4 жыл бұрын
Please get to the point!! Stop the lengthy introduction. We know who lundy Bancroft is.
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