Thank you Jack. This was just what I needed, a level headed assessment from a man and great relasionship advice and psychology. You've made me feel stronger and regained my integrity. The target of my childhood. Big hug!

I just listened to your video, first time. I have been involved with a married man, but so far things are very frosty between us, i like your gentle but no nonsense approach I know I'm breaking my own heart and this has to stop. Thank you for your encouraging words.

Am in love with married man i don't know what to do to live him now

Thanks for the Video clip! Forgive me for chiming in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you tried - Lammywalness Bright Love Guide (search on google)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning how to rekindle your relationship without the headache. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my BF after many years got excellent results with it.

@@maria12501 hope you are OK now..

this is so hard and heartbreaking:(

True

Definitely, it is not only heart breaking, tormenting, and anger and frustration. And this is dangerous to yourself . Your career and those around you. I know because I am in that boat.

​@@cindyd465how are you now?

@job4707 I know it's been a hot minute since you commented here, but where are you on this story?

It's real easy to say oh just leave him . But I did not ask for this ..he's getting a divorce but seems like he's taking his time. He's helped me out financially and is always there for my kids ..but limited time so..what do I do ???

Heather Simpson he is giving you crumbs to keep you around. His divorce is never going to happen, he is giving you a false hope, so you stick around. Think, if you got nothing out of it, you would be gone in 5 minutes...

Heather Simpson date other people and take care of yourself.

I've known this guy for years and know for a fact that his wife treats him like crap. He is actually in my ex husband's family. I also work around this guy so it's a difficult situation ugh. But ya I feel like he keeps having excuses to not tell her about me

Heather Simpson she might treat him badly, but that doesn’t mean he will leave. Keep that in mind. Don’t settle for crumbs, go out with other guys. You don’t have to tell him; life is too short. His divorce could take years if they have assets and kids together. Many men don’t want to remarry or be in committed relationship once they are out, they usually take time to have fun, you might end up being his one of many options. Let me know what happens....

💕that is music to my ears , wishing you two all the love in the world

God bless you both

Beautiful! I wish you all the best. 👌

You were marry?

Do you want a round of applause for doing what’s right ? What happens when a woman takes that man from you ?

Sorry to hear that ,it's not an easy road I also walked away from similar situation. Hopefully you are well ,as I'm falling apart here ,and the whirlwind of emotions that I go through is trying,just want my happy self back

@@lee-rentiaarnoldus4500 hey dr...its been month I dont even remember him now I realised he is not not worth so much...i had to let him go so that i could be happy And trust me...that was the best decision ever..now when i look back that make me smile..how stupid i have been and if 1 day i happen to speak to him..i will thank him because life would have been way too complicated with him Hope you get better soon Let it go and breathe

There's always two sides of a story. I'm sorry to hear that. Hope u will find a better man

@sherry there is always a way out Block him You need to actually accept that you deserve better

@@erinidayu142 thank you

Happy to hear that

Yes. I agree entirely. This video had some great content. Rather than repeatedly reinforcing the self-love process you took another approach and the advice you did provide really resonates.

Exactly.. why borrow a stalled horse and sneak around for rides, when you can have your own stallion and be free to explore the world together via a real relationship?

Thank you. I needed this comment

Very true, most ppl are secretly miserable in their marriage but "stay for the kids".

Absolutely. We met later in life. We love each other. I don’t feel that I am worthless because I am in an unconventional relationship. Younger marriage aged women may.

Absolutely!! There can be many reasons why people marry their first partner -- and it isn't always for love. So if one day they meet that special person - YOU - it can turn their life upside-down. They might feel a certain 'duty' to stay with their spouse for a while, but ultimately may decide in favour of You. ( a cousin of mine dated a married man for many years, and they finally got married after he divorced his wife). I'm not in favour of breaking up anyone's marriage -- but if the marriage is already on the rocks, then it's a different matter.

But it should never come at the expense of doing the right thing.. and how do you know that the original two aren't meant to be together? Remember they were new once. And "new" isn't always "true".

I think the same thing!

I USED to think this exact same way. Now I'm 40, met a guy, without ANY intention of a relationship on either end (He is a professional that I"m working with for a legal matter), I developed very strong feelings BEFORE knowing he was married. Now I'm STUCK in this horrible situation of "why on earth do I CRY just thinking of him, or just seeing his NAME somewhere?! He's WAY out of my league, and happy in his life in every way (it seems), yet I have this deep, unshakeable FEELING that somehow we are supposed to be together. I've NEVER experienced anything like it. Which is what lead me to seek help understanding these new and strange sensations via KZfaq, and Jack is amazing! Thank you. I guess only time will tell, but OH>>>how it hurts in the mean time! (and I'm not the type that NEEDS to be in a relationship. I've been a single Mom, never willing to date for the past 14 years, which is why this is so perplexing to me).Rumors have even been started about me that I must be gay, Lol. I'm not, but I just wanted my focus to be on my kids, but now HE comes along and shakes everything UP!

@@lauradiphlipo9332 these kind of questions are answered with a very simple perspective, if you were in the place of the married woman, would you like that someone else gets in the middle of your family and your relationship with your husband just like that? If the answer is yes, go for it, if it is no... I really think you have to settle your own limits and look for something simpler for your life, if you have been single for so long doesn't make an excuse to let these feelings grow from sudden, specially because they might eventually hurt you... I don't know why people is in the search of such drama and complexity, if it is that complex is just not meant to be.

Laura DiPhlipo Google twin flame relationships It can be real , it can be love , and it also can be off limits in this lifetime

You have wisdom

Denise Williams Thank you Denise! Appreciated ☺️

This is true.

What God has joined together let no man put asunder.

My married man is in that process right now. I’m really happy he’s taken the step and is showing some integrity

@@cindi7228 God will not bless you with someone else husband. Your relationship won't work, because it's foundation is built on deceitfulness, selfishness and pain. You can't destroy a family, the marriage and expect that your life with him will be great. No, no dear, that's a lie from the pit of Hell. You consequences will come. Whatever you sow you will reap.

@@sophiawilliams4005 wow! Judgement overload. Religion overload who made you God’s spokesperson??

Sorry he lied to you about that. Glad you are now honoring your heart 🙏

You sound like myself. I got caught up after I found out. Now I’m distraught

It’s the hardest thing when you don’t know their real life at the start 💖

I had almost the same situation as you, he married and he lied to me for two months and carried on lying that they also had a child together, I tried the hardest to break up and back on again so many times, and there were a period of time, I went depressed and unhappy… then I decided to pull myself back but not go harden on myself, I couldn’t let him go just like a click, can’t do no contact, what I did was that when he texts me I reply, see him as a close friend, when he doesn’t text, I hold on the thoughts of missing him but get on with my own life, it’s hard but it’s working, because every time he texts and I remind myself, he is just a friend who wants to know how I am, and reply as a friend, there is no need to have a solid closure, I find my own way to take myself back to myself, I still love him, but I also learnt, love doesn’t mean I have to “ own” him, we won’t meet, won’t have romantic messages, just stay as friends, I’m living on my life as usual, this took me a year to get here but I chose the soft way, not for him, it’s for me to take slow, to avoid that massive break up heartbreak moment, I have a subtle feeling towards us now, we still say hi but we stop after when we both know we are ok. It’s the best way to end it, and I have learnt from him, myself and us, all were part of the life journey, it’s not a mistake, it’s something we did not plan but we know where to stop in a civilised way - I’d never forgive myself if I was the one broke this marriage and made their son has a divorced parents, I couldn’t face that responsibility.

@@summerhall1371If you are still friends you haven’t ended the relationship with him - you left the door open.

@@user-ex3mx7hk4lyes, you are quite right…

Happy you were resonating with the empathy here. And you're welcome!

Yes this is a problem with society. Its always woman's fault. How dare she sge knew he is married etc... What about him. Doesn't he knows? I don't care to be honest about any man's wife because I do not owe her any loyalty. He does

Are you the wife ?

Sounds like you were the side chic I’m glad you got out . If you Repent n ask Forgiveness The Lord Jesus will restore you n give you your own family Glad you were obedient that’s a sign God wanted to spare your life

I'm sure you don't want to be the cause of pain to another woman and his children. God will not give you joy at the expense of others' pain. What God has yoked together let no man/woman put apart. You will suffer the consequences of going against God's word. Do not put apart a family/ marriage. He has already been yoked to his wife by God. Protect yourself from God's wrath. You will find the one who belongs to you and you will be happy but you have to do the right thing.

Salminah how did it work out for you? still with him? Did he leave wife ?

@@bloxylush3643 no he didn't. I met someone else.😊 I have learned never to persue someone who is unavailable.

Arriana Thierry You’re welcome / glad that was vibing with ya!

Well done on having the courage to watch, I respect that 🙏

It's so hard and I'm afraid. He knows my daughter too and I'm afraid fornsomeone else walking out of her life

How are you doing now? What happened?

Well said

Keep trusting yourself 🙏

100%. And married men will lie to their Wives, Kids, Colleagues, Friends and he will lie to YOU, too - Just don’t lie to yourself .

...actually it's women to be so selfish to want a married man leave his wife for them: this is what I hope one day will be discussed in a video...put it: ''if he leaves his wife/girlfriend/fiance, then he is doing great.. he is not considered selfish; now, we are happy, and who cares about the poor wife''. This is what is underestimated about women's expectations/selfish behaviour. Of course it could happen that they leave each other naturally one day (we see it happening quite a lot in everyday life), but it's another story.

Glad you were able to cut it off 🙏

All the power and courage to you 🙏 You’ll be able to move on and heal, just be patient with yourself, especially if it’s not just a linear path

I hear you

We have guilt to protect ourselves and others from doing hurtful things. You can pretend you have amputated your conscience in order to have an affair, but it will always be there because you were born with it. Ignore it at your own peril.

A married man who cheats is primarily selfish. Therefore, he doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It’s ALL about HIM - Put more credence in his ACTIONS instead of listening primarily to his words. Words are cheap and he is a proven liar.

Turn to Jesus put your eyes on him first he will help you and conform you and restore you n give you a good single man . I’m glad you are free now

How are you doing 💕it's been a year since your reply

I can relate! Best thing you can do is work on yourself....address your issues/wounds. Try to focus on becoming whole and happy on your own. Easier said than done...it takes time. I am a work in progress.

@Connie R that doesn't make it right and you don't have to choose to be a part of it.

Natalie Stick to your standard regardless whether anyone appreciates it or not. You must apprecuate your standard.

Happened to me too. Stay with your standards x

@@mysticjen379 oh it went too far and I'm now heartbroken in pain. At least I tried. Never works out. Guess I'm going to die alone not even knowing what it's like to be loved

@@nataliec3740 Keep the faith hon. And hey even if we do end up dying single, at least the epitaph can read “She Tried” 🙂

@@mysticjen379 You’d have a much better chance of success trying with a single guy. The data states chicks have a 3% chance of marrying their adulterous partner. If I had a 97% chance of getting murdered every time I left my house it would be smart to learn how to live differently. The problem is, people are letting their emotions call the shots instead of their brain!

Well done ⭐️

Happy it’s had that impact - thanks for tuning in

@@thejackbutler thank you for putting it out there. Shit happens and we dont always have immediate control of our emotions or even the situation. This Is an invaluable video for people that got in a messed up situation.

How a person gets a person is often how they lose the person.

@@dianestafford6968 All of this is tru but it really really hurts...

@@christinamohabir3831 do the people who try to tear a marriage apart even care about the damage they are causing? Are they prepared for what happens with the offend party calls out to God Justice?

Yep. I have know a few people who left unhappy, unfulfilling marriages to marry somebody else and even their at first reluctant ex’s remarried a much more suitable match.

I’ve seen women lay eyes on a man and decide to persue him before she even knew him ..she cooked and bought him gifts and cared for him, but you can’t surely say it’s love until the the marriage ends and the mistress gets what she wants

Happy this had a waking up effect. Wishing you well 🙏

I appreciate that, and you're welcome

Bless you, I get why that would be really hard. And also it can be a kind of silent suffering because it's not a public break up. Stay close to yourself

Trust me, Alice, you dodged a bullet. I’m glad your coworker had the strength to stop before it went any further. My coworker didn’t, and although I don’t regret the lovely moments we did have, ultimately, it was a waste of my time. You also admire your coworker’s dedication to his wife and feel badly he didn’t choose you, but don’t be hard on yourself. It gets easier to understand why you should move on by watching videos like these. I wish I had seen them earlier. It would have saved me YEARS of hanging around for what? A cheater. Move on, Sis. There’s an available guy out there looking for you, too.

Bianca Maria Berg Hey Bianca! Thanks! Glad you moved on and I hear you on the deep ongoing impact 🙏

Agreed. I know how you feel. I was in a low place in my life and didn't like myself very much at the time. Best advice in hindsight---just don't go there! Don't do it. No matter how appealing it is. And if you do cross the line, end it immediately....don't let it go on and on for months or years and get your feelings more involved....then it gets REALLY difficult to leave the situation.

@@EadsB7002 wisdom words glad you learned some of you truly felt like you loved married men. Some women out there are only to use married men financially that is the case of one called Celeste Shelley Kindell husband mistress of 10 yrs only using him causing pain n destruction well tried But Gates of hell will not prevail so sad that she’s not only using husband but many others I pray to God this woman be gone n removed far away so she won’t hurt or break any more homes 🏡 I pray Gods mercy for her n her generation cause now she has generational curses up to 4th generation is so not worth it to bring curses upon your own family members because you selfish n can’t work or want easy money n use “married men”

Hello friend do you need help to get your ex back.

Hope not lost I know of Dr oselumese who can help you just like he helped me.

Can you possibly explain how you could be extremely against it - yet still end up doing it?

Happy you found your way here. Wishing you the best with your process 🙏

Thanks for your share x

What I have seen is usually when that happens it’s not the guy saying he will leave but not leaving. It’s a more definite plan to start a new life

@@thejackbutler Yes. Life is not cookie cutter one size fits all.

🙄

Happy these words were helpful 🙏

Happy it supported your clarity 🙏

I get it - thanks for the reflection

❤

Yes you do. Can you let it go?

Congratulation your a home wrecker🥳

It's really sad... I mean, your relationship with him is a time bomb. Do you really think someone who can do that to his wife and 3 innocent kids is really normal?.

Wishing you the best💕some women treat their men like dogs and nobody says anything, everyone deserves love

Kinda hard to believe. Unless if you're way younger and physical hotter than his beat up wife that already bare him all his children and tosses her out. He could do that to you as well as you begin to age .

Wow all the negativity.. let the lady he happy.. maybe the wife just wasn’t for him.. everyone deserves love!!!

Aww thanks Milena! Appreciate that 🙏

You are wrong. He is the 1 who destroys family. If he wants to cheat he will anyways

@@izzar1156 if you read it properly it says " if he or she is going to be a cheat, let them cheat with a homewrecker dont degrade yourself" how is that wrong? In other words they will cheat but dont let it be you that is classed as the homewrecker!

@@angeldixon7073 ok fair play. But why women are being held responsible 4 being homwreckers? Personally If im single I can date who I want. He shouldn't so he is wrecking his home himself

@@izzar1156 yeah bot sexes are if one wants to play the field and be a homewrecker and the other one man or woman knows about the other partner is one at the same time. None better than the other. Ive had my ex cheat on me 16 months before he left after 18 years together. She knew about us at home me and the kids so when i found them he got to watch her have a slapping up off me he caused it. He got smacked down by me seperately. Never hit him before but he deserved it. Had to show im no D..k Head ☺️

Thanks so much Marcia! Glad this wording and delivery landed so well with you 🙏

Thanks for the share 🙏

Great comment!

Thank you for this

Great point.

@@mysticjen379 I forgot to tell you in the other post that the ex I was talking about is officially divorced now. I still don't want him lol

👏👏👏

I hear you. I think you are talking to what’s best or ideal. Sometimes it’s not what’s happening and I am trying help people deal with that reality. Most cheating men don’t want to leave their primary relationship and most don’t. I think it could look like cake and eating it, but in actual lived experience I am not sure it does?

Im so sorry to hear that.. i hope u figure out what’s best for you and your son.

Leave that married man repent ask God to forgive you n he will provide the right man for you n your son

He was not yours from the beginning and God will not bless you with someone else husband, It will not work he still belongs to his wife. God recognized their relationship because of the marriage covenant. Marriage is sacred and special to God and your relationship with him is ungodly, it will not prosper.

Why don't they want to get a divorce? Do they have any valid reason? That is an important factor to consider.

I hear you. Sometimes the head can help by giving clarity ‘if he were unattached’ isn’t the most relevant frame because he’s not choosing unattachment. Relaxing that frame helped me in the past, ie not being in possibility but in current reality

I hear you. Does any part of you want something more for your life than mutual support?

Happy it was light shedding!

Thanks for all the rewatches, wishing you well with your action step 🙏

No married man needs a woman "friend"...I'm pretty sure if you had a husband you would NOT like him having a "friend"....

Hi

Jackie I'm going through exactly two years right now. I have to stop for myself 😢

Yes - important perspective

This is the exact situation I’m in!!!!!! If he doesn’t move out the day she moves back in…Then I am done!!!!!!!

What’s interesting about your comment is you said his Wife isn’t giving him sex. You can not prove that 100%. Guys say this ALL the time while trying to get some ‘action’ on the side. Lies Lies LIES.

Aw, thank you. Happy it was complete for you.

Cheaters like him need to get played;)

My observations are that either they usually don't have a great or distant relationship with their mom or their mom's also cheated

Right on, glad you are taking care of yourself. Usually, in doing that it’s best for the guy too 🙏

@@thejackbutler Thanks for replying, I am sure you are helping a lot of us out there! :)

@@rebeccaanouche Happy to be helping! 🙏

Sorry to hear that, imagine that's incredibly painful

Same

Get some self esteem

I know its difficult when you love the person. I think he loves you too, but maybe not enough to choose you.😔 you just need to know if it is really worth it. Good luck.

😢😢 sorry love

Happy to hear it’s having that impact 🙏

Interesting perspective. Is there reliable metadata on affairs and attachment style?

@@thejackbutler Unfortunately no. Attachment styles can change based on life events. However the correlation between attachment styles and narcissism/ empathic behavior patterns seem to match up. Secure attachment styles can move towards preoccupied anxious which is empath without healthy boundaries. If they experience a death or loss of a loved one. They can usually return to secure with their support systems in place. Preoccupied anxious can eventually adapt fearful avoidant behaviors as well which is very similar to covert / overt narcissism. If they are exposed to narcissistic behaviors for an extended period of time. Dismissive avoidant behaviors are usually more likely not to change, unless if they hit rock bottom and have exhausted all of their enablers. Then they take action or sometimes move towards fearful avoidant behaviors. They always revert back though like covert narcissists because it is their safety zone. They’re most comfortable alone with controlled interaction. They have to be in control. This is my motto: “Opposites attract” dismissive attachment personality is like a magnet to preoccupied anxious and vice versa (one has a fear of abandonment- preoccupied anxious & one has a fear of commitment with an underlying fear of abandonment- dismissive avoidant personality) they validate each other perfectly aka empath with no healthy boundaries is a magnet to covert narcissist. “The Karma group” Fearful avoidant has both fear of commitment and fear of abandonment. This group will be a magnet to itself. You attract the energy you put out “the karma group” it will be a fun relationship full of romance excitement but once the limerence fades away so does the relationship. Then all of the things that attracted them to each other are the exact reasons they resent each other. “Emotionally regulated people” Secure attached personality aka empaths with healthy boundaries. This group has no fears they don’t experience anxiety from being alone nor do they have a fear to be tied to anyone. They’re secure enough to know better than to be attracted to anyone who doesn’t share their core values. They can see past the good looks or expensive lavish lifestyles. They use their 5% conscious mindset instead of their 95% unconscious mindset to make important decisions and they don’t second guess themselves they trust their gut feelings 100% this is the smartest group. It is extremely hard to find these people. You have to be secure to attract a secure person. The fearful & dismissive avoidance both contain fear of commitment and abandonment but will gladly court a preoccupied anxious to be in a romantic affair because they can’t be single (I’m speaking about preoccupied anxious, fearful avoidant & dismissive avoidant personality types none of this group can comfortably be single) They will always require assistance from anyone to make them feel like they’re not completely abandoned. The secure attachment personality styles use their interdependent love in relationships. They don’t use dependent love, or codependent love. Dependent love causes resentment towards both parties if it is a voluntary dependency. If they’re single they use independent love only. They don’t rely on anyone else except themselves so there is no resentment towards anyone. You are a product of your environment so be watchful and keep your environment safe.

Marlean SK Thanks for that Marlean 🙏

@@thejackbutler you're welcome

Yes, I like that you're bringing in that it impacts other people...

Keeping it 💯 right there.

When you play with fire you will get Burnt! 😆

human relationship is so complex, you can't judge based on a general basis. there's a great number of relationships started with cheating nowadays it is so easy to cheat especially for women.

Very well said

Definitely not one size fits all and often no easy answers. Sounds like he may have to root in something deeper than his guilt. He can't make her let go. He can work on his letting go and taking his stand. And you get to choose whether you want to engage until he's made substantive progress, or accept that if not that this is how it is given you have so much data in about the situation. I wish you discernment.

A cheater who lies to his Wife would also lie to the other woman??? Who would have thought! 🤯