Having CPTSD is odd. I come from a neighborhood where everyone is traumatized and you see those systems play out so casually. Recently, I moved and began working in areas where trauma isn’t the norm and I felt like a fish out of water. Despite this, I’m grateful to be there. The people there are inspiring me to crave life and to start forming a commitment around it. It’s tough because I still need to learn proper techniques due to the CPTSD but the excuses I once had of giving into fear are decreasing 😊 and I’m beginning to step into my life.

1. Realise what trauma is actually doing to you 2. Understand the root cause of most of your symptoms: Dysregulation 3. Learn to connect with other people 4. Face your own self-defeating behaviours 5. Become your full and real self.

Realizing that I didn't choose to be on CPTSD survival mode and being able to pinpoint my triggers made me stronger and less anxious because it means I can act on those things and not let them limiting me. That's how I knew I was on the path of recovery. Now it's not easy everyday, but it's no way as incapacitating than where I was 2-3 years ago.

68yrs old, several years of counseling, years of self loathing, self hatred, never being able to love myself; giving love & kindness to others, but never for myself. Always blaming myself for everything & thinking I was just lazy & stupid. Knowing that much of my behavior was learned or created while surviving my childhood trauma from two alcohlic parents🤯maybe I will make it b4 I die. I don't want to hold pain & saddness well or to be comfortable doing that. I want happiness & joy; I want to comfortable with it, as well💜🙏💐 Thank you & others like you, who are sharing these insights & tools. Who knew ACOA's could learn that they are normal & can be loved for who they are.

What you said at 5:03 mins really struck me deeply. If it doesn't fix something then it's not a solution, just an idea. That was actually very profound. Thank you.

1st- 1:32 2nd- 5:38 3rd- 9:13 4th- 10:32 5th- 11:35

You’re RIGHT! 💯🏆🥰 One of my many symptoms is that I get a flat affect in my voice & it’s like my throat closes up or something & I get hoarse. It’s noticeable…..& very embarrassing for me. I started slowing down my speech & when I hear my voice get hoarse, I stop & take a deep breath. I found this REALLY WORKS! I catch my breath & continue on much stronger. And it makes me feel good that I can finally control SOMETHING…. because being dis regulated is very scary & isolating.

I can't wait to get started I spent my childhood terrified my father would lose control and kill me. He put me in hospital with a broken hip as a three year old and I walked around numb for most of my life. I didn't even know I was stressed because I couldn't feel. It was a good coping mechanism but in my 50s I made the connection and started to be aware, this led to stress which turned into panic attacks. You have given me hope.😊

I’ve been on a weight loss journey for the past year, 40 lbs down. It’s making right choices and not using food addictions or other addictions to sooth my feelings. I recently started going to the gym and I’m challenging myself to go every day! I realized going to the gym helps my stress so much and I feel so much better after a good work out. I did get dysregulated last week, it was an argument, I didn’t get over the top mad, but I’ve been having a hard time letting it go, I’m praying about this and I’m thinking about seeking some counseling because I believe I lack good communion skills when someone upsets me… I’m trying to look within and figure out the whys of my own behaviors. Thanks for these videos 😊

6:51 - neurological changes… must be why my heart pounds like crazy when I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with a coworker (it just happened). Triggered and dys(dis?)regulated instantaneously. Every bit of this video resonates deeply.

I just started finally feeling a nearly "normal" nervous system regulation two weeks ago, after almost five years of being dysregulated badly. At my worst, I could hardly go outside and walk my dog. Driving has always been the hardest, since my panic attacks began there in 2018. I cannot highlight the importance of relating to others who have been at the lows you're living with everyday and have made a recovery, along with sharing tools to keep you on the right path and not revert back to wrecking your nervous system. Thankful for this channel and the way you explain things here!!

I appreciate this video particularly: I do feel myself progressing in a good direction. The biggest change of course, was losing alcohol 20+ years ago. That opened my eyes to a load of other changes I needed to make. I'm doing a better job of selecting male company, choosing what I'll do with my time, taking better care of myself, and making time to help others to feel my connection to all of life.

I'm working through #3 and #4 at the same time. Understanding my dysregulation... During an episode and when I'm recovering from being disregulated I understand...I can see the difference in myself, but I'm still learning how to recover quickly and ultimately prevent my dysregulation. I also never get angry, so for me the chaotic mind, procrastination, questioning or overanalyzing decisions, anxiety and self sabotaging behaviors are red flags I'm dysregulated or coming back from disasociating. I understand when I'm waist deep in a panic attack, how I got there, but preventing my triggers from affecting me adversely is a whole different thing 😅. As I am learning to re-regulate, I am also learning to form and hols boundaries with family and other triggering individuals/situations...it feels amazing sometimes, because I thought that I'd NEVER be able to get where I am now, and would always be living for other people. I want to be happier and healthy, so much so, that I am putting the work in now, to get there! Thank you ❤

I'm definitely on the brink of phase 3 and phase 4. Looking at the first 2 phases, I stayed stuck in those for more than a decade! Great video.

I’ve been working very hard on healing and trying to be more social. It seems my dysregulated behavior that I thought no one was noticing has upset my partners friends. Gut punch!

I’m a new subscriber. I just want to say your insight and the way you communicate your insight is truly amazing to watch . Thank you for what you share and offer.

I'm in the process of healing an injury❤

The info in your videos is just what I need right now, and the one about what doesn't work was greatly encouraging. I've done Al-Anon, CBT, EMDR, talk therapy, medications for depression, anxiety, had tentative diagnoses of ADHD with Straterra, and more over years of seeking. Right now I am past shame, blame, waiting for someone to save/fix me, magical thinking, "everybody's out to get me", but the anger and dysregulation are still so disruptive and now I understand why. Just hearing the outbursts and overwhelm are not my fault has made a shift. I'm just starting the Daily Practice and am excited to explore more that you mention here. I'm so glad this is your mission! Thank you, Anna.

I am in a toxic job right now- a culture of public humiliation and intimidation driving for the city , a transit system that serves the disabled ( whom some are abusive to the drivers). We have a 3% retention rate - the turnover is astonishing. The cost to the company is enormous but they don’t tackle the problem- verbally abusive dispatchers. They make mistakes or demand the drivers read their minds, then shame drivers over the airwaves if they don’t get it “right “. It’s nuts. And triggering. So what I do to regulate is SLOW DOWN.

Taking your advice and realising the triggers and able to regulate faster and move on or be present. Hard a times but it feels like progress. What I’ve found hardest is the amount of people I’ve lost or am loosing because I won’t put up with the bulls*it any more. It’s a lonely process but it’s better than the alternative and I guess it frees up space for new healthier relationships. The daily practice has been absolutely amazing I’m noticing my feelings much faster and when I feel off and why.

Stage two. Heading into three. As a matter of fact I had a meltdown day before yesterday. I didn’t catch it at the time but I did that night. I dismissed it and fixed it the next day. From what I can see we’re basically split from our bodies. So I’m learning to watch for its cues. The Daily Practice helps tremendously. When I list my fears I’m actually defining my problems. It’s amazing how many I can actually do something without.

Im in 3-4. I have noticed my growth. My ability to regulate. Lots and lots and lots more practice before id feel confident of a permanent wound closing. Happy to have a scar as long as my wound is closed. 💪👍 We're just so blessed to have your help ❤

first understanding, then recognizing disregulation has changed everything for me! i have had small successes that have built into better and better results in my relationships. i cannot say enough about the incredible impact understanding this aspect of my life. i think i might have, not just a chance, but an excellent chance of success in life in general 🎉❤🎉 thank you Anna!

Thank you for making me feel like I know you. You are so authentic. That’s my goal. To heal and be comfortable in my authentic self. I have been learning from you for about a year. Thank you for hope!

I struggle with dysregulating, self isolating, I don’t know who I am, trauma unfolds slowly and unexpectedly.

Finding and growing into a sense of dignity. Woooooo, that's a massive challenge that had been frought with the highest of highs and bottomless lows. It almost seems to be my personal enemy from the pit of hell. So elusive but desperately sought after daily

Thank you, thank you, thank you ! You're changing my life. I Know the path is long but I'm so hopeful now thanks to you ! Thank you.

I am making progress through these phases. 1 & 2 are like turning on a dim light in a dark room before turning on another, brighter light. If you've been living in "darkness" for a long time, a little bit of light will be less of a shock to the system than a full, bright light. Take it in stages instead of all at once. ❤ Finding this channel a few months ago got me moving in the right direction. Now that I can "see the light" about the "darkness" that was in my past, I can identify how to change direction and start moving from this point forward.

I’m in stage 4 :’) this was incredibly reassuring and validating for me! I’ve been healing my cptsd for 3 yrs now and only recently have I started to feel regulated again and life has started to feel like it’s full of possibilities and people don’t trigger me as much and the biggest win for me this past year has been that I can smile and laugh again…

I loved that bit about the path of healing at 10:13. I've been calling it the "Dysfunctional Slinky" for awhile. When I think of healing or awakening, I'm either spiralling up or spiralling down, constantly hitting those same sides of the Slinky where I have to deal with the same emotional states or circumstances. If I'm spiralling up, it becomes easier to deal with episodes of anger or other outbursts, feeling more at home in my skin, and getting along with others.

This is one of my favorite videos

I’m also impressed with - at the end of the day - how easy it is to fix this. Do the Daily Practice at least once a day to deflate the beast. Live your life. Just as you “know” how to fall asleep, you “know” how to connect. You just have to practice. But now you don’t have to worry about the random electric shocks! Those are so exhausting. That’s why we isolate.

Thank you! I was told I was addicted to drama. I feel better for hearing this message today.

THAAANK YOU ANNA.. God RICHLY BLESS you.. You are SSSUCH a blessing! First of all, before I begin, I'm so! Very sorry for all you endured as a child, and the years after, and all it cost you to be here helping us💗 how you managed to survive all that you did and come out as well as you have, and even that you found a way turn all of that bad into something as amazing as this!.. I'm sorry that trauma is the platform that connects each of us.. That being said I can't even explain how it feels to have someone actually understand my pain and sorrows.. I wish it didn't have to be these difficult threads that connect us. I've had TWO weight lose surgeries.. 1 in 1996, had my stomach stapled and meshed, and a revision gastric bypass.. Both of them major! Surgeries.. Sabatoged myself! And gained back all but 25 of the 85lbs I lost just 2 years ago. I've come to learn my father was a narcissist, my mother, also a victim of trauma, also had the tendencies.. I don't have enough space to share all of my traumas with you.. But they began the day I was born a daughter and not a son, and they have never stopped. Last Sept.(2022) I had what was supposed to be a1 hour appointment with the bariatric psychiatrist, it turned into a 3.5 hour session and I left with a diagnosis of PTSD and CPTSD.. I had no! Idea of what that meant in my world but he did want to put me on medication and also prescribe my some sleeping pills. 2 years ago, after a 6 year RREEEALLY messed!! Up relationship with a psychpathic narcissist(the psychiatrists conclusion) I literally almost lost my mind and I'm on fixed income with SOOOO many illnesses, I've learned watching MANY of your blessed!! Videos, are a byproduct of the trauma I've endured my entire! Life. I'll be turning 60 Sept 2023, God willing, and I said the gift I want for myself is to FINALLY heal and LIVE Anna.. I DESPERATELY DESIRE to heal!! And actually! For the very first! Time in my entire life I want! To live💗.. I've only ever!.. Merely, barely on really bad days, existed.. And the majority of the time I question why God would waste the precious! Gift of life on me.. Why am I hear? No! I do not want to not be here, on the contrary I want to understand why I'm here because I've been so! Debilitated by all I've endured the past 59.5 years I feel imprisoned and LONG to be free but I have so!!! Much stuff going on I have no clue where to even begin.. Couple that with me not even being able to focus, zoning out for the simplist things(even lost jobs as a result, failed school a couple of times, got kicked out at 18 when I got pregnant with my 1st, of 5, children that I did with no support on my own with ALL of the trauma/abuse, sadly as a result I ended up, shamefully, messing up my own children, and even some of my grandchildren don't want anything to do with me because when too much happens my brain just shuts down and they think I abandoned them but what I was really doing was trying to survive😞😢💔 I LOVE my grandblessings.. I have 7.. 3 died.. 1 born the day after my birthday 5 years ago, lived for 21 days and💔 she was so sweet Anna😢💔 I had to watch my daughter and grandson go through that loss.. I was so busy being there for themI, to this day, haven't grieved her.. 1.5 years later the same daughter lost twin boys.. They were still born, I called time of birth/death because the Drs and nurses screwed up my daughter, over medicated her, it was like an out of body experience being there and seeing them, they were at different stages of decomposition😢💔 and I almost lost my daughter, she's diabetic.. And.. Sorry.. I'm both jumping around and oversharing, again!😞 its like I feel like I'm telling you someone else situations and they didn't happen to me except I know I was there.. I feel like if I can just get it ALL out! I'll be free. Anyway.. I'm sorry.. I'll end here.. THANK YOU.. Your videos actually, for the very first time, made me feel like I wasn't crazy, I'm not lazy, my procrastination is not me feel entitled, I actually feel like I deserve nothing, and that there is!!! HOPE.. Please! Keep sharing.. Your videos feel like I've been thrown a life preserver.. Like I can maybe feel normal, not alone in a world filled with almost 7 billion people HOW is it I can feel so alone?.. Invisible?.. Why can't I shake the feeling that I'm unlovable? I walk around with My brain feeling full.. It feels like you've handed me 1 million balls of yarn, all! Tangled and knotted together and you're asking me to sort and untangle all 1 million balls of yarn into I individual balls.. That's what making a "normal" everyday decision feels like.. Yet I'm not stupid, or even dumb.. I'm just so! Terrified I'll screw up so I shut down before I even begin. When I first watched your videos and you started naming all of the different things in your video I cried as one by one you described my life and all of what I have always either been told, or felt.. Here's to each of out journeys.. To each of us overcoming and healing💗 and Thank you! Anna you're both a gift and a blessing💐

Starting with my ex by saying things such as, "Well sounds like the Dr right you have Bipolar 1" Nope I don't! I have Auditory Processing Disorder and am upset with humans and the economy that's it. I don't drink nor do weed anymore mostly because i"m broke but even with that I'm not going over board at all anymore that's the level I"m at. What is bothering me is that I"m showing physical signs like GERD one week, Hives the next, now a period that showed up two weeks early so I've had two periods in one month, cut my whole family out of my life because they are toxic. I was groomed by my cousin when I was about 6-8 years old I believe so nope I'm done. I'm done when my own mom said to me, "Why didn't you tell me when you were younger?" Nope bye. Wrong answer. I don't have time for the homeless to come up to me, don't have time to open doors for neighbors, don't have time to watch drug addicts outside not doing anything to better their life, have to put in my ear plugs because my neighbors are loud and rude don't even have time to yell at them anymore. Don't have time to talk to the damn social worker in my apartment complex who says I can no longer work, don't have time to go see the psychiatrist who just diagnosed me with Bipolar one NO NO is a complete sentence. I do have time to hear look you have Auditory Processing Disorder and who is taking care of you? Nobody that is the answer when I told the county worker I need money to pay for my rent because I can't work. Tried to work recently on the most bussiest day at The Original Pancake House and I got through the day and the next morning I ghosted them because the manager was like a drill sergeant. NO no is a complete sentence. I have one friend and it's my ex and now I'm setting boundaries with him because I'm done. I told him ten times to leave my house and after the tenth time he finally left. I'm done being gas lit, done with family, and done with people at work who treat me badly I'd rather be homeless. Today I'm going on a job interview that's part time that barely pays anything but I could care less and I'll try and figure it out but I'm just done. Luckily I can go to the local food bank or get food from my apartment complex that is free I'll be fine but working part time sounds amazing to me if I do get the job. But I'm just done with people who don't respect me.

Bless your beautiful heart. You're so appreciated ❤🙏

"you were never meant to be stuck in the hurt" 💯❤️ thank you for the reminder

May God bless you Anna and team.. I have been following you for a year and I can't tell you how much you have helped.. May you be prosperous and may all good things happen to you.. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🌷❤❤❤

Thank you Ann for this and all of your posts. I watch one a day. You’ve helped me through a bad break up and helping me get to the root cause finally. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My path if looked at linearly was more like: 1. 4. 2. 3. 5. And I’m currently transitioning my focus from 2 to 3. and 5. Thank for what you do.

I find it really interesting that our nervous system works automatically, it reacts to what we make of something and so if our experiences in childhood are stressful our expectations inform our nervous system and fight/flight/freeze kicks in, even if there's no danger anymore. We had no control over that as kids and we've no control over an automatic system as adults. That's why I love Anna so much. That introduction of a pause breaks that circuit/automatic system/reaction. All the issues that come from not learning stuff from our parents, the nervous system, the maladaptive behaviours can't, in my experience, like Anna says, be fixed by re-traumatising ourselves reliving it!! Cptsd is really #hit, but these videos have changed my life, being aware of what it does to you. Thanks Anna 💐

47 and all I can do is cry. 😢change is painful when its happening to me. Lost 50 pounds ,and quit smoking, and I've never been so isolated in my new cabin in the bush life. Getting ready for the world to end. Hearing your sweet loving voice just makes me cry.

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! For these videos. They are helping me tremendously! You are a beautiful soul.

Every single thing … the worse for me is the procrastination and anxiety which leads to a sort of locked in paralysis because I cannot make a decision… then nothing gets done. I am such a time waster. Not lazy though. I run in circles cleaning…

You are saving lives.

Your channel is a safe haven for when I need to hear tough news from a friendly source 😅 Thank you for this video! I’m proud to be between stages 4 and 5. I love the idea of heal as an upward spiral. Sometimes you pass the same points over and over again and it can feel maddening. Through this lens you pass it but each time it’s with a higher perspective. Love it ! Thank you for being The Fairy Godmother we all deserved 🫶🏾✨

So so blessed I found you!!!!!

Disregulation...! Brilliant, I thought this was the way I am wired

It's insane how I'm 31 and only just coming to the conclusion that I have CPTSD. I guess the reason for that is because it's all I've ever known. My "dad" is a covert narcissist creep pervert who makes my skin crawl, and my mum has her own trauma and is stuck in a shutdown state, plus highly religious, and shame-based. This all led me into 8 years of heroin addiction, a codependent relationship (he died last year), separate, abusive relationships, inability to make friends or keep a job. Just wanting to say thank you for your videos ❤

I'm learning to regulate myself. I love how I can do less procrastinating and focus clearly now. It is definitely an upward spiral. 🙏 🤲 ❤️ ✌️ ☮️ 🕊

Gracias doña hada!

I finally tried Brainspotting & it really helped! just throwing that out there for anyone

I wish I had realised I have CPTSD earlier, I could've saved so much time. Anyway, I'm here now and getting better ❤❤

Thanks Anna great meeting ypu Saturday

I suffer from CPTSD and severe CFS/ME and l would like to know if anyone else here is suffering from both of these, it’s so debilitating, any advice to improve

I just wanted to say thank you for laying out this kind of path, for someone with trauma from childhood it makes so much sense, appreciate your work.

Im on stage 4. Trying to connect with others and not avoiding or socially isolating myself.

Thank you! ❤

Please list the 5 phases, thank you!

Hi, great video! I'm working on 3 and 4 now. I just wish I could meet people who are healing themselves, and understand that healing ain't linear. I had to cut out so many of my former friends who were only takers and used me as a doormat. I'm scared of continuing that old pattern. That's why I find it easier to stay by myself. But it gets very lonely at times. One question; Is time blindness something you can experience while being disregulated?

such a good video!

Right. People like you save lives. The 'therapists' and 'doctors' are killers. Your a legend at least in our house. Thank you for your service for real. My husband and I have been greatly helped by you and hurt by the 'professionals' who supposively are trained but are more like torture artists keeping you stuck reliving the past. Because of people as yourself who God sent we have a future and heal.

I realised that CPTSD is what I have a week ago. I always knew something was wrong, and I'm very resilient and work on myself a lot. But right now, I'm a bit scared at how fast I seem to be healing. I went through all those five steps in a single week. I currently feel no anxiety and more connected to people than ever, but I can't help but fear this is the euphoria of realisation. Is this normal? And how can I cope with the comedown from that if and when it happens? Thank you so much for all you do!

It's disturbing to hear what disregulation is. I have it😢. I've done so much work on myself. Life is exhausting.

Disregulation. Possibly the reason I have to read the same paragraph over and over and over. 🤦

Brilliant

I got SLAA to deal with loneliness and bullying in primary to high school. Anyone similar.

Thank you 🎉

Most of your videos is from the CPTSD victim of view. My husband is a CPTSD victim but he never open up about this (i think it's too painful for him by just thinking about it) Is there any your videos for family member/spouse how to live with them?? With easy daily guidance. I'm exhausted and needs help desperately. TIA🙏🏽

#1 Emotional armor.

Thank you!!

Thank you for this, Anna!

What a wonderful video ❤

Were you reading my mind? How did you know this was the topic I needed to cover today???

Yeah, no kidding. Ive seen counselors, they didnt help. Im so tired! I cant hardly eat anymore. Ready to just die! No purpose for my life. Tired of trying!!

My body is in a state of hyperarousal constantly. It’s frightening as I worry about the harm it’s doing to my body. Have seen SE therapists, but they were all so bad at explaining things. I don’t understand it when people talk of triggers. I thought that if a nervous system was traumatised, it stays stuck in freeze or sympathetic until the trauma is resolved? The idea of a trigger suggests that a person is still able to get regulated without first processing their trauma. I’m not sure how that relates to the polyvagal ladder, for example. It’s all very confusing!

A question for Crappy Childhood Fairy. Do some people get diagnosed with mental disorders because they have high emotional issues? If a person has emotional dysregulation, is that a disorder or something that is within your power to at some point control? It seems like a fine line between emotional dysregulation & you have a mental health disorder.

I’m in the middle of stage two

thank you

Possible w a narc Still in your life? Trying hard and knowing how this abuse affects me … it’s getting quite costly 😢

Help me please

I'm at the connection bit. Anyone else get that urge to join a community, get in and create a small niche in there, and then leave out of fear of being 'discovered?' E.g. I have a fairly rare genetic condition, and one of the people in the support group said we're family to him. My reaction was an immediate 'He doesn't mean me.' and then 'I don't belong here.' I mean, the director invited me in there, yet at the same time I feel like the way my body manifests the condition isn't *enough.* It's a small splinter in there, the whole time I sit the group sessions, yet at the same time some rational part speaks against that kind of toxic voice, but is usually way overpowered. 🤷‍♀ I guess that's just multi-level trauma, idk.

Not a year, how long? I have been at it since late in 2019

My favourite song request to Google assistant - Just a dream by Nelly.

I live with CPTSD and I have tried my very best to be a good parent to my child. Despite my best intentions, I was not the perfect parent I hoped to be. I worry about the damage I might have caused to my son who is a wonderful human but very insecure and indecisive. However, he refuses to seek therapy as he finds no value in it. I feel that If I had received the right form of therapy at an early age, I would have been closer the "perfect parent" image I had in my head. I don't want him to struggle as much as I did in life but I've not been able to convince him that therapy would be a good thing for him. How can I help him?

Took your cptsd quiz. How do you score it? Can't find anything

I couldn't even imagine feeling joy. Not real joy.

💙

6:43

How do i come in the group ???

I'm somewhere in between 1 and 4. I don't think 5 is attainable.

Knowing about what's wrong it doesn't work...right away. It's easier to search solutions for something you have a name for.

Complex ptsd or Childhood ptsd is c- ptsd?

So. Want about when you have gotten past the childhood trauma but got traumatized AGAIN by horrible life events...and you need to rebuild from that?

I've accepted that my wounds won't heal. But I just focus on my work. Weed helps, too.

I wish just 3 days of disregulation

Beautiful as always thank you @lorraineamicothemakeupartist

Isolating 😮❤@lorraineamicothemakeupartist I’m just tired of people not clients but can’t see them now