Self-esteem is greatest sickness ever invented by humans. Unconditional self acceptance is so liberating.

her work, along with dr. germer's book, "the mindful path to self-compassion," were really game changers for me, a doubtaholic, a professional self critic and depressed/suicidal person...it all starts with mindfulness and self-compassion! she's much easier to listen to than her colleague, but his book is a must-read!

The way I say it is "self-compassion is an antidote to shame and self-care a confirmation that we are worthy, loveable, cherished." Love this video. Thanks Kristin.

I appreciate Kristin pointing out that self esteem is based on thinking we are better than others. Self compassion is based on thinking that we are a part of common humanity. It is an expression of the Christian virtue of humility. This is a beautiful thing.

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZfaq channel 6 months ago about self development. Now I have 574 subs and > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.

My life has changed forever through watching this video on self compassion. I am so grateful for being educated. Thank you Dr Kristin Neff

I did come to this conclusion on my own and the secret was simple so to put down shame, to refuse shame 🎉 then i love myself more, then i start to believe i deserve and then i stop binge eating and go to the gym because I DESERVE IT. That is self compassion and empathy

Another way to reparent yourself! Thanks

Kristen, you’re a blessing!

Self esteem will always fail you. Self compassion is eternal.

If we learn to be compassionate ourselves we lay a foundation for growth! Thank you for all your research and work Kristin

I love her gentle maternal vibe along with that comforting voice Those are traits that have surely helped her get this info out there

Self compassion break ❤️

Your research and personal testimony are inspiring and a game-changer on the field of Mental Health Substance Use Disorder. I have an LCSW and have been in the Substance Use Disorder field since 2005 when I change careers from over 15 years as an IT engineer and attended UC Berkeley which open my eyes to an area that I had no knowledge or experience. I feel very passionate about helping people who struggle with substance disorders, anxiety, and depression. I decided to use this video on one of the residential patients' groups. I was given a worksheet, by the coworker who introduced me to your video, for clients to work on and have a post-video discussion. I was surprised at some of their reaction to your video and found myself redirecting their strong emotions about your presentation, and in some cases, you, to a discussion about thought distortions and navigating life as it comes - not "throwing the baby with the bathwater". 40% of the group had an adverse reaction to your comment about the President when you were speaking about narcissism. Even though it was a second blip 40% of the audience got stuck on that comment. As a professional, no matter how strong I feel about my political views, I find it distracting, and at times unethical, to use my platform to promote or vent my socio-economic-political ideology. We need to remember that we are speaking to a wide audience and most likely some of the audience have different ideas than ours. Sadly, for 40% of the group, the information that you shared was lost and the post-video discussion became another topic. I will keep using your presentation and I will present a disclaimer before doing so.

Guided self-compassion exercise is at 33:50

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!!! Thank you so much! 😘

Wow! I had exactly the same experience on a flight with my autistic child - changes in lighting - though from darker to brighter. I even had a flight attendant twice ask me to control my loudly crying child who was so distraught she was intermittently choking. She was in her seat and doing nothing wrong but apparently there had been complaints. I'd seen plenty of dirty looks. My biggest thought was ok, these people are less comfortable because a child is crying and choking. I understand that. Did anyone stop and wonder how u comfortable she must be to be making those noises? Did they think how distraught a person needs to be to cry like that? There seemed to be a total lack of compassion for her. And for myself, did the complainers wonder how it feels to desperately want to take away the pain of your child and feel helpless because none of the usual soothing techniques are working? I only just discovered self compassion through your website. I realise in hindsight that I felt self compassion in this moment. I told myself that we were both doing the best we could in a situation that was extremely difficult for both of us, that neither of us can please everyone all the time (and also that those others got on a public flight with expectations of a private charter experience). I had moments in lockdown of feeling like poor me I have to work a full time job, homeschool and I can't go outside in nature because my child hates it. I did remind myself that it was ok to feel bad and that most people were feeling bad for some reason. I identify that self compassion does always make me feel better and I want to develop more of it. I especially want to help my child develop more of it, because she is now very self critical, easily embarrassed and very self esteem dependent. ***I would really love to see some resources for children if possible.*** Also a question, are those who are very low in self compassion attracted to very high compassion individuals (something the dating example made me curious about).

You are AMAZING

Yea this is the answer.

That was a great talk! Thank you for sharing! So many gems and really able to apply this during the talk and hopefully beyond. Thanks again!

Thank you! feeling great after the talk

Good points!💚

Thank you Kristen for this information and it is going to be very helpful as continue to read your book and do work to be self compassionate to myself and also watch this video again when I need too.

This is the most amasing TED talk i have heard it deservs way more views

6:08 Real self-esteem simply doesn´t have anything to do with a specific kind of social status/worth, achievements or qualities! As long as we interrelate self-esteem or self-love with some sort of scoring system, we are actually not talking about ourselves but only about our role and position in society, and that´s the complete wrong approach! Self-esteem means a form of identity, which reflects a strong, positive and unconditional attitude and self-awareness. We cannot learn to love or respect ourselves by judgement or comparison, that´s definitely not working! Every human creature is unique and he/she should learn to feel and act like this, a unique, precious and wonderful expression of nature or even better, the universe itself!

22:50 STRENGTH TO THRIVE: by holding ourselves in self compassion during hard times we gain strength...

Wow, this is truly fantastic!

maame, after i watched this video, like i love you for god sake, what an important content, thank you :) !

I m really much impressed the way you have explained the self compassion .. U have have excellent presentation skills.. U have changed whole perspective.. I believed till now that being self compassion will make make me lazy and proscratinate....and prevent me from achieving goals.....even I will finish my meal in two minutes ...to get extra work done ..I was harsh on my self to work hard .., U have changed my perspective really ... How can I have your book .. would like to read it ...

Yeeess... Better compassion than self esteem

WHY are we like this? for me, it comes from my mom. she’s extremely critical. do people that have kind moms still like this?

20:55 Self compassion science base study!

She is smart and stunning.

So how do you start being compassionate towards yourself? Thats the tricky part.

❤❤❤❤

18:40 self compassion cultivates connection with humanity!❤️‍🩹

She is the best example of Self-compassion just in the way she presents herself and speaks in such a kind and gentle caring way. Also when Kristen meets the Personification of Self Compassion, and compassion for his children ( he is the creator) that's going to be one Beautiful encounter the same type of encounter as the ( outcast)samaritan woman Jesus met at the well. 25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 26 Jesus said to her,“I who speak to you am he.” REF > John chapter 4 read the whole chapter ty :D

In lak'ech ala k'in

At 37 minutes: self compassion exercise.

No wonder your self esteem plummeted is because you're getting them from outside your self. A true lasting self esteem comes from within - the knowing that you're enough just the way you are.

If self esteem gained traction but now she claims it’s harmful, how can we trust that self compassion is now the answer? Research is always changing

Went to the website and there's no self-compassion test on there?

He's not autistic,he's just a toddler

33:08 Absoluetly. Kids with autism are very open to the emotions and stress of their caregivers or other people in general. It is a misconception that autistic people are stuck in their own world on don't interact or perceive what happens around them. Far from it! They are often very sensitive for their environment.

There's nothing wrong with self-esteem. It's healthy to esteem yourself. True self esteem is based on inner self love. You don't have to bash one theory to promote something else. Just talk about self compassion and be done with it.

Terrible audience, fantastic presentation

i really liked the information and research shared in this video, i found it really insightful but i felt really sad when you kept going on about how autistic kids aren't "normal" and calling your child's overstimulation induced panic attack a "tantrum" really felt upsetting... i'm sure raising a child with autism is difficult, but i suppose because i could understand and relate to the child's experiences it felt a bit invalidating, and i hope that he was validated during those times where things were just too much

Trump is not a narcissist. He has the capability to be self-deprecating, a sure sign of not being narcissistic. He is, however, a scapegoat-which is an entirely different subject.

Narcissistic

Why are some more self compassionate than others? Maybe we should we talking about what we're completely powerless against - Our childhoods. Maybe it's just bad luck. Your parents for whatever reasons they had, or didn't have, weren't good. And you can't do anything about that. You were dealt a bad hand. Who becomes homeless, a prostitute, a drug addict? Most likely someone with a shitty childhood. Self compassion isn't built up in a vacuum. Show them some videos of self compassion, I'm sure that'll heal them.

Haha butthurt Trumpers in the comments But yeah she should have left politics out if her goal was to reach as many people as possible

I am not an American and I don't support or oppose Trump. But mixing political choices and science are unacceptable. And all politicians are more or less same. Barack Obama wasn't saint either. Keep Science and politics separate.

I really wish she didn’t bring up divisive politics in this. People are hurting and have a desire for unity. Her president comments do not help her cause but damage her credibility. A real shame, because she could help more people if only she could bite her tongue. Her ego and desire to be liked trumped her life’s calling to help others in that moment. I’m grateful for her research, but disappointed in her in this moment.

why did you have to feature President Trump 's picture associated with narcissism .........you just destroyed all credibility

Great information and so informative. But I agree with others why did you have to bring in our president in this discussion. It took away your credibility.

Trump 2020

I wish you kept politics out of it. There's a reason narcissism is a diagnosed condition, there are many scenarios that can look like narcissism. A true narcissist could never build such a large international enterprise, overcome bankruptcies, and maintain such an estate. Because in order to accomplish that, you would need to trust a lot of people and have confidence in them. Also a true narcissists children wouldn't be so loyal to them. Sure you can imagine up explanations to these things, but chances are it would make you sound ridiculous.

After several years of watching KZfaq videos on many different topics I have never left a comment nor have I ever felt so compelled to do so until today. I struggle with self esteem and self compassion and was very much looking forward to watching this video with the hopes of getting some insight. Instead, within minutes I found myself VERY disappointed. Why would you use this platform to show your political bias? I hope that trying to shame the President of the United States of America made you feel better about yourself, Kristin Neff. You've lost all credibility with me.