Thank you. Also no mutuality

Very good! Dr. C pointed out today: narcissists lack wisdom.

My 39 yr old son. Has even stated I'm 70 and will be dead soon.😮

@@annefrazer6629 True. A 41-year old hired me for two-weeks of hard labor and fast pace to cleanup up a wooded property in the mountains. It was steep and the weeds were thick. He took pot breaks, beer breaks, but never gave me even lunch breaks--- but I took three anyway. One day I worked at his mom's warehouse pricing merchandise. She gave me $200 for less than an 8-hr day. I gave her a hug. ♥ That bothered her son--- and he punished me for the rest of the week. I became his slave for $15-hr. and he got everything he could out of me. A week later I was still trying to get paid. He told me his mom had died of a heart attack at age 71. I gave him a hug and told him I am glad I hugged her the week before. You never know...... I am 71. ♥

Those six omissions of a narcissist are soooooo true.

A really good way to put it, Aaron.

amen Aaron. I figured that out a while back. but I sure did get beat up emotionally until I did. ❤

that is completely - correct and makes perfect common - sense

Take No Prisoners

Thats perfect

So encouraging! Thank you!

Thank you ❤

I concur

No. 4 No empathy is: seeing yet not believing When they play their games at the expense of their own children. And almost all if them do that

No. 6 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Not that funny, but....

Exactly

I have encountered all of this and more!

You speak on behalf of many.

Good way to put it.

There won’t be a parachute 🪂 in that parachute pack !

Thinking they pack your own dirty laundry there, and then smirk when you air it yourself while you think you are escaping.

Good one❤

“ Don’t let a narcissist pack your relationship parachute” 👍 The coverts are the most difficult because no matter how badly they hurt you or throw you under a metaphoric bus behind your back ) they will insist they are the victim. The coverts have flying monkeys to do their dirty work for them. They crave attention negative or positive it does not matter it is supply and you as a target are just collateral damage. They insist on “ helping you “ and then be upset you “ made them do it “. The coverts do not come with warning labels . The parachute is a good analogy and it helps break down their persona. The cv NPD will insist they know better than you and insist on doing it for you only to be upset they do so much ( it is performance it to appear as the ultimate “ giver”. You will pay a price ) The coverts insist then resent you for giving any of their time. The covert is performance and can not understand relationships as a two way give / take share street ( or that love is not a game) They “give “( breadcrumbs) for manipulation and it always has strings attached to it ( the cv NPD with sociopathic traits will insist with attached strings and accepting bread crumbs can lead up unexpected chaos / and dealing with their guilt trips and entitlement) The coverts will go to great lengths to convince you to go skydiving and then criticize you for living reckless 🙄( of course behind your back) The cv NPD will fill your parachute full of tiny holes and paint over the sabotage with glitter . The razzle dazzle is to put on a big show saying look how helpful the covert can be. They wave saying “ be safe “ and high five you ( while grinning at you with their secret wink ( As your gut sinks you look back on your way down ( you catch the grin on their face ( as you jump out from the plane. ) You pray for a safe landing and vow to never trust the persona again -( but you are not sure anyone could be so ruthless after all they did help ? And they will be steps ahead to cover up and make it all your fault ) Confusion sets in for the target. The grin of the covert on the sadistic one is in anticipation of your fall (failure ) and it is done on the sly -down low - now you see them - now you don’t - and others won’t see it - the coverts bank on the shell game. And the coverts will praise you and build up your ego while they turn to one of their fan following because they can not wait to see you fall ( as misery enjoys company. ) The coverts may not want you to fully die ( unless there is a pay off involved for them ) The cv NPD who can appear like a savour hides the sadistic traits and the hidden traits is they mostly get off on seeing you hurt and in pain / suffer so they can offer you fake cognitive empathy and play hero ( to play victim) When their performance is accompanied with cognitive empathy that is most confusing. it is mostly to prop up their image and for their audience of followers. The NPD play ultimate savour or victim . They do sabotage your parachute with hype around their hero image seeming to make it safe. They play victim “ underappreciated “ for all their “ hard work” . A covert will usurp your work ethic and even your work then call you “ lazy” . It is projection. And when no one is looking they find more ways to poke holes in your life ( and when caught they shame you for trusting someone ?! I mean how dense of you to allow another to pack your parachute! You will be called stupid and the idea is to make you appear incompetent or unwilling to be responsible. The coverts leave out how much time it took to convince you to allow them to help you. The NPD will brag about safety first and and then sabotage. ( they make small holes in your parachute they also calculate their sabotage as “ hard work “( they keep score and it works out for them that they believe you owe them. ) Audacity ought to be the coverts middle name. However call them on their behaviours and they will claim you are the “ audacious “ one. They will brag how much the glitter made the parachute appear extra pretty just for you ! How dare you to question them? When your parachute fails to open and you manage to survive with your half functioning parachute, the covert will feign concern and act significantly inconvenienced by you . You are a drain ! (Reminding you anything they do is “ extra” and you are such the burden ) 🪂 As you try to wrap your head around the shock of seeing the tiny holes juxtaposed to the grin on the coverts face you turn towards big tears and now the cv NPD has a reaction from you! The covert will get busy with a shame shift and the false narrative shifts the blame onto you. Your tears are “ drama “ ( and even though you nearly died the coverts will say you are so dramatic! And you did it for “ attention “) I mean what is a few broken bones?! You will be in hospital and the coverts will say you lie ( even with a cast on your bones. ) They will make it all about them. They will claim you are making up broken bones and they will cry croc tears and demand attention for their pain and suffering. Their dark shadow side feels their wounds but the false persona holds the protected self. The covert NPD will claim to their followers that your broken bones are “ all in your head “ yet demand you give them full attention for whatever ails them. It is so much inconvenience for the poor hard done by covert NPD to put up with your “ risky behaviour “! ) They leave out the part that they mostly talked you into it. But as an adult you accept responsibility for your actions and the coverts will go to town with it. The sabotaged parachute has been strategically set up by the covert to prevent you from a smooth descent or / safe landing and they will claim yet you are sloppy reckless and you brought it on yourself ( how dare you be you. ) 😳 It is all your fault and how dare you be anything or hurt or happy or human ? There is no wining with anyone who acts / thinks like this. They don’t think about others in a compassionate way. The NPD will leave out the act of themselves as the saboteurs in their narratives and to their followers they are hero or victim. After your crash landing the cv NPD will put on a show act oh so concerned (while cameras roll or medical personnel are on scene ) and yet the they will also whisper in your ear how much of a inconvenience and disappointment you are to their lives. Be sure how dare you disrupt the coverts oh so important schedule - even if it is sitting on the couch or gossiping . according to the coverts narratives no one “ works as hard as they do” or is as hard done by ( they leave out how they get others to do their dirty work. ) The metaphor sums up a covert v NPD lack of empathy and ability to spin yarn and the ones with sociopathic traits get off on seeing others suffer. 🪂 2) if you confront the cv NPD as they will project it all back onto you. The coverts will even claim that you are the narcissist / and you are being “ mean” by confronting their dangerous agenda. . The coverts will say you “ asked for it “ or create a false narrative to give the impression you “ deserve to be hurt”. The coverts weaponize your emotions. The covert NPD will use everything against you. To the NPD it is all a game to them. and yet they will say that you are the “ crazy one .. Even with evidence of the holes they will say you are lying. there is no “ winning “ with people who play head games and lack integrity and lack empathy- and exploit others as a game It may be unconsciously done up to a point but the intention does harm and it is the coverts twisted thinking to “ win at all costs “ -( the sad tragic irony is the coverts fail to see that in this situation no one “ wins”. It is a losing battle trying to reason with any of it .)

Amen. I made the mistake of just saying I needed to get more sleep. An innocent enough statement. But oh no. My covert narc husband used it to say I’m a bad mom bc I was staying up all night and then he went even further to say I was chatting with men online all night!!! We’ll come up find out he was projecting bc he is the one chatting to younger women. These ppl are sick and they love to watch you struggle. They love to see you in pain. My red flag should have been thst he was obsessed with shadenfreude. I never knew what it meant but holy cow I do now. He had it as his password his whole life. I’m a healthy relationship you should be able to talk to your partner about something that’s bothering you whether it involves them or not.

I told my narcissistic ex wife things about my military experience while we were dating to reassure her that I could and would be able to protect her if her ex husband who tried to kill her got out of jail. Fast forward three and a half years and she filed a pfa against me sighting those things to get me out of "her" house and keep me from bugging her about wanting my half of the marital funds after I filed for divorce.

So sad...yet so predictable.

Golly! 😀

'The narcissist never laughs with you, they laugh at you.' And in a family system you think this is love. Until you see they don't love you at all. Maybe Dr. Carter, can you make a video about what love isn't?

And for some reason...that's exactly what we do🤔! Unbelievable!!!...

They manipulate ppl into doing it by playing with our feelings and reactions, predatorily taking advantage of our empathy, kindness, our caring and nurturing sides. They know how to manipulate a

Me too! Slow learner, I guess.

You'll look over a lot for the person you love, mainly because you think they love you in return. That's the lie, they don't love you.

My narc gets livid if you ask him any questions about anything.

Classic double-standard.

Exactly my story and I didn't know there were people out here to harm me for no reason except jealousy and to use me to get what they want.

Plus they have deep deep insecurities too. They know they are lesser than you, so dragging you down to their level is the goal. Lived it for 60 years with my mom. She'd comment how ugly my new purse was, then call me a week later asking me to buy her one. Ugh!

It's like I'm reading my own story 😮

Amen 🙏🏽 your story sounds exactly like mine. Just know we are creating new generational footsteps for our children to follow! God bless !!!

I understand the needing to hide completely! It is so hard, because I feel like I’m living this double life of trying to be normal, in most circumstances, and yet not being able to share any of that with my wife, because she will go ballistic at the thought that I have somehow managed to find anything that brings me joy that she is unable to crush. Thank you so much for your comment.

Boy! Can I relate with you! It is exhausting ans draining...I hope you have some support somewhere.

Yep. These videos and this support network have helped me too!

You are so welcome, Yuuki. Keep learning and thanks for including me on your journey. I'm honored.

Good for you! Setting boundaries gets easier and you can even do it in a calm or gray rock way!

I am so happy for you, I know how relieved you must feel. God bless you and stay strong Team Healthy 🤗

There's no love to be had.. I live with one (not my partner) and genuine love care and empathy are taken for a game.. The pretence the power play the manipulations and ohh the lies.. She's a chronic liar and can go from fabricating entire fake scenarios to telling really insignificant and inconsequential little lies. I grey rock her when she tried to harm my relationship.. They are emotionally handicapped and the only time they may feel sorry is for themselves when they do not get what they want.. Shaming, smear campaigns and terroristic raging episodes over nothing like a spoilt little kid.. to induce fear and threat if they may.. imagine a mature adult doing that.. That's mask off phase ofc

@@tamagotchi22 Thank you for sharing your story. These pretentious people really do damage to others. It was heartbreaking when I realized everything I believed in are actually lies and games.

My brother is a malignant 🔺️ triangle narcissistic sociopath. He has never been able to stay in any relationship, and he got a divorce several years ago, in 2018. He had a sweet pea, but this woman wasn't stupid. She left him because she knew he was too controlling and abusive. In 2029, he came down to my mother's place to get his treatments. His dog, Moss, came up to me, and he started biting on my cuddle coat, which coats $40.00. And I didn't want it torn. So I pushed him away with my hand, but he kept on doing it. So I took the bottom of my foot and gave him a push toward the hot tube room. As a result, the malignant triangle 🔺️ narcissists came up behind me , put me in a chock hold, and dragged me to the couch and pinned me down and stucked the air out of me be chocking me. My necked hurt so bad. I did go to the doctor to have an MRI. My mother didn't want me to turn him in to the Sheriff's Department. But last year, this same narcissists beat the shit out of me by throwing me down on the ground and pinning my arms and legs. And checking me and used his other had and pushed me three times in my left eye. I had bruses and a huge black eye. Too bad that my mother couldn't protect him this time, because I went to the Sheriff's Department and to my doctor. Have pictures and court papers on him. Andvhecis docked at the Sheriff's Department. He is a charmer, and he is supposed to be a Christian.

Good comment

He wants you to be guilty so you'll serve his needs.

@@sclogse1 thank you for the info that’s exactly right but iam not going to do that. Iam too old and life is too short for his Toxic behavior.

I know the feeling ,the only way for the moment is build your own life as much as is possible without him ,💚

It’s easy for other to say get out be ur own boss if u like.lbut they don’t realise it’s not that easy if u live and have no own bolt hole to go to..it’s financially difficult at times,not everyone has trophy jobs and another pad to go too. So it’s a case of trying to find some sort of support somewhere,lift every stone and hope something turns up..or get the idiots removed from ur main house of stay if they are that bad or get violent ..get hem arrested for being a vile .thses inhuman creatures don’t deserve normality,they are too far stretch from it .

True . I believe the percentage is way higher

In a high percentage of cases, yes.

Good, why live in misery...

Keep learning, Nick! Glad to be on the path with you.

Good for you ! I'm being helped by a healing prayer group that uses books such as Be Healed and Unbound. 🙏💝

Ouch😮😮😮

The immense growth. Self actualising that you are are a good and empathetic person. If it wasnt for the narcissist i may have never known.

My momentary suggestion would be to find something constructive to do that will take your mind off of it.

@ali McCreary💐💕🐈

@@440SPN thank you, I feel alone except for my cat. Fumi has been my companion for almost 13 years. I feel bad that I couldn’t protect her.

@@alimccreery755 I also am alone with my 🐈. Peace be yours. Love from a friend across KZfaq 💕🐈

@@440SPN thank you, my heart is breaking right now and I wish I could stop crying because my rig is in the shop and I can’t get Uber right now until I get it together as my eyes are swollen. I’m sure I will stop at some point.

Ali, my heart is broken that your fur baby has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. 😢💔🦮

You're welcome!

His comment was him saying "I'm a conniving, secretive person."

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, Dr. C. And the only question I’ve been left with now is “how many lies did he tell me?” Or rather “Did he ever say anything that was true.” Because since then I found out so much going back to the beginning. It’s been so heartbreaking because I thought I had grown through all the therapy I had done and was better able to discern. Yet in reality it seems that if I did grow, it was nothing compared to the skill of this narc’s lying and dishonest behavior. I truly feel that I will never be able to have a relationship at my age because every man I meet just lies. One is worse than the other. I’m 54. I was in a horrendous marriage to a psychopath, got out of it after 25 years financially ruined and emotionally destroyed but I somehow felt hopeful that at that point, 45, I could rebuild. But 9 years and a lot of hard work later, I feel really, really more hopeless than ever. Because, at least where I live (I cannot move), there just aren’t any good men. As in the case of this man, they all have their secret lovers, usually 30 years younger than themselves and me. Your videos help me. But I still feel hopeless. I will die without ever having experienced love.

@CL-lo4wd I'm 54 and still waiting to get married. Last Sept. I ended a 4.5 year relationship with a Chicago cop. He was never happy and hated his mom. He tried to make me miserable all of the time.

So pleased, Karen. #TeamHealthy

Me 2 ❤

Hey Lori - good morning and I hope you have a good day as well - Mandy🇨🇦

Thanks, Lori!

@@SurvivingNarcissism you're quite welcome dr.c. hope you're doing well

Woof!

You are quite welcome!

So pleased!

It is so scary to think that they’ll most likely stay that way forever… Agonising. Especially if you cared for a narcissist and bought the sob story.

It is rare, but possible. They almost need a "Come to Jesus" experience

There are a couple of videos that address this. Can A Narcissist Change? and A 7 Part Plan For Overcoming Narcissism. OI hope they will shed some light on your question.

Unfortunately not They’re good manipulators Don’t trust them They will have their own agenda

Relating to this question I really wonder if there is a difference between those who are persistent in their ways as described and those who maybe inherited some narcissistic traits and behavioural patterns due to being brought up in a dysfunctional family environment by one or more narcissistic parents? This is such an excellent and relevant video btw I've been listening to at least a few times to really let it all sink in like a setting in stone what I already know to be true in my heart. Thank you very much.

Thanks so much, Elaine!

Go get 'em, Florence.

@Surviving Narcissism omgosh,did not expect a real response from you Doc,sorry,does not sound like what I texted,just so quickly was your response I Guess those damn Narcs.! Trained us well !!😁We got used to Nooooooo responses!! Welcome back to real humanity,Flo. !! 🫠

You are quite welcome.

You didn't fail. Remember they choose nice people, honest people to suck into their sickness. You won ...your out. Stay strong🇨🇦❤

I thank you and Gus thanks you.

Thank you kindly!

Thank you for the good vibes. I'm honored.

Some people get used to living with the dysfunction. The narcissist won't end the relationship to keep the status quo and the other person (like me) becomes codependent. Until he or she (like me also) realize that there's nothing to do. You need to move on, heal, reconnect with old friends, and enjoy again the experience of living in peace and with joy.

I have known one who divorced the husband of her youth to be with someone 20 years older for a more fashionable lifestyle but she still keep the first hanging there, ran back for days when she has "quarrels" with her second husband, he still refers to her as his wife to the day he died.. She was in a relationship with the second husband (who btw have had 7 wives) for over 30 years, she feeds of daily drama chaos power play and yes total fabricated scenarios to whoever might believe.. Narcissist can only pair well with narcissist. Much like like Melania has a marriage contract in addition to her vows with Trump.😊