Just want to thank everyone for viewing and commenting on my fiance kims videos. i know it means alot her and its just another reason why i will always appreciate the art of jiu jitsu and the down to earth people it attracts. hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and have a great weekend.

I recently went to a trial at a gym, that had recently changed hands. Walked to the desk the other students were pretty much all looking at there phones and nobody talking. Coach was on his laptop nobody said anything to me for 10 mins. Plus i must have been the oldest there. When the lady on the desk finally acknowledged me i made my excuses and walked out. The vibe was just non existent. I really enjoy the channel.

I went to a school where the red flags revealed themselves over time, but weren't that apparent to begin with, which makes things tough, as people invest a lot of time and loyalty to gyms. Basically, the gym I trained at had a couple high level black belts, ex world champions, from an extremely prestigious lineage. They were very charming and charismatic, but the red flags started to show over time. I will say that their jiu jitsu was world class, they were very good teachers and their students were very good. They genuinely wanted you to learn, they rolled very well with you, and they did their best to maintain a safe training environment. Now, around the time of the "me too" movement, when people would post about how they had been sexually harassed or assaulted, I notice the instructors joking about it, and making mocking sarcastic comments, and it just felt off to me. I didn't know the details as I was relatively new at the time, but I learned that a few females had left the school because of some issues they had with a certain male in the school, but the instructor wouldn't discipline or take the male student out, so females left... I didn't know the details, so I didn't want to judge, but that also felt off to me. Ironically, they would run women's self defense seminars. Another thing was the instructor was very controlling over his students, and would berate them if they dared to switch schools, saying they'd be "creonte", a traitor. They didn't have open mats, and they were critical of students who went to openmats in the same city. You were always walking on egg shells around them, because one day they could act like your best friend, you're "family", and the next they could be verbally abusive. It was like an abusive relationship. Next I started to notice them making racist jokes, doing impressions of people's accents, making the "slant" eyes to make fun of Asians. I was like WTF... and their attitude was, this is "free" space where people should be "free" to express themselves without having to deal with "political correctness", basically giving them excuses to be racist. This was highly manipulative, because they would wait until people had been around for a while before busting out these jokes, as if they were testing people's tolerances in accepting it, and if you didn't they would make you feel that you were the problem. The other manipulative thing was, they would encourage people of all races to come train, saying they're inclusive of all people, only to make jokes about races every once in a while. They would also call people "fags" as jokes, but would also make homophobic jokes about gay people behind their backs, and if you called them on it, you would be berated for not being able to take a "joke". The other major red flags was once they got to know you, and you were initiated into what they'd call "jiu jitsu after dark", they'd invite you to their annual trip to Brazil, where they'd all basically go to brothels and sleep with prostitutes, some apparently were underage (one guy even bragged about how young the girl he was with was). The way they joked about women as sex objects disgusted me. They would also expect favors from students based on their work. If you were a plumber, they'd ask for free services for their gym, if you were an electrician, the same, they'd ask you to fill in for the front desk person etc. and they'd do this by saying "you're part of the family", it was always about "family", that is until if came to your tuition, when they raised prices, or charged for belt tests etc. then it was "we're a business" it's just "business". I will say that I stayed for a while, it almost feel like getting sucked into a cult... they made you feel like part of a family in some ways, but also felt like an abusive relationship... but there was so much toxic disturbing things going on that it eventually got so bad that I felt if I didn't leave, I was compromising my own ethical standards. Being that they're a huge presence in the BJJ world where I am, you would see them at every competition, they pretty much knew everyone around town, that when I quit their school, I didn't even feel comfortable moving to a different gym, but I felt I'd be harassed, and would eventually be in contact with them. So, I left BJJ in a mentally really bad place, I felt like I was leaving a cult, and I had not intentions of ever going back. It's been years since I've trained BJJ, and that experience, plus the injuries I've incurred (like a bad back injury where a higher belt twice my size inverted me and the sprawled into my back folding me in half, not being able to move for a month and ending up with degenerative disk disease in a few vertebrae), make me never want to go back. I'm training other stuff now and I'm more happy for it. I'm sure there are good gyms out there, but there are bad gyms too, and the red flags are always immediately obvious, and sometimes they reveal themselves over time. You have to be really discriminating when choosing, and just because someone is from a lineage with a bog name, and has awesome technique, doesn't mean the environment of their school is healthy.

I love this! I train wushu and, though the training is totally different, the toxicity of schools is real and it's so important to find somewhere that knows how to help athletes grow safely.

It must be hard for instructors. But they should be doing like weekly themes of “things no one tells you but you need to know”

I have a judo background, but since I can't do judo, I joined a no gi Bjj gym. It was pretty awkward at first since I'm so used to the gi but at first I really liked it. It was also the cheapest gym in the area. Then, I started seeing a bunch of red flags. Coach would never show up, he never sent a lesson plan to the next highest belt to teach something, sometimes the guys would just bs instead of getting to training, and since I was one of the smallest guys(170) compared to them (+200) they only took a liking to me because I was small enough for them to try all these new techniques they wanted to learn and because I never complained. After finishing my 3rd month, I realized I wasn't learning ANYTHING. These guys would just beat up on me because I also never turn down a roll. They haven't showed me any techniques, whether it be subs, escapes, or anything. They just keep me around because they know I don't complain. A friend of mine even messaged me after class one time after I mentioned this to her and she confirmed that "yeah, they definitely only want to beat up on you" The coach also raised the gym fee and he's never there. So now I'm looking for another gym, and it may cost a little bit more but it'll be worth more than this. I'm just beating myself up because I was so consistent and would always go but realized I wasted 3 good months I could have done somewhere else.

I started training in July at age 52. I am very fortunate that my coaches intentionally built a BJJ culture for "everyone and every body." Seriously, it was intimidating enough to walk in to a class for the first time. It was so nice to find a gender, age, and weight inclusive environment to train in.

Point #1 is so big. Trust is the foundation of our growth in this art. And if I can’t trust my school to be a place that prioritizes minimization of injury, whilst maximizing effectiveness, than it ain’t the place to be.

I'm a 30y/o guy, going to my first ever class tomorrow. Scared shitless, but your videos have helped me a lot to calm my nerves. Thank you!

Hello Kimberly discovered your channel yesterday and I've been doing binge-watching I came across this video toxic Dojos that's what I have going on now I have been involved in martial arts since I was 8 year old.. I have been involved in BJJ for 7 years when I started off I received my training in Torrance California I was stationed out there at the time I'm a graduate of the United States Naval Academy a commission United States Navy officer I was a naval special Warfare intelligence officer I have a total of a lot of years of martial arts because I absolutely love it so the BJJ school I was going to close down doing the pandemic and never opens back up I started at another school it was owned by Man by name of jeff very nice... I'm just train on Tuesday nights I teach Wado ryu karate and shindo yoshin ryu jujitsu. I have a nonprofit organization that I work with 121 kids and then I also work with an organization called women are safe it is a Organization for Abused women so I don't have time to train but one time a week and to be honest with you nobody wants to have anything to do with me the instructor that they brought in is from Brazil the owner of the school told him about me nobody knew anything about me so he gets up in the middle of the class and tells everybody issue try to be a badass with him he is going to take you apart he's a former Navy SEAL with multiple black belts nobody wants to roll with me.. the man that owns it senior instructor that came from Brazil on not getting along they are constantly fussing and fighting with each other all the women has quit they do not have children's classes anymore I'm seriously thinking about walking away from BJJ any assistance any advice greatly appreciated I love your Channel

Just wanna say, the White beanie- sweater combo looks so cute! Great vid as always❤☺

5:29 you have to show us defence when our training partners are trying to axe us :p

8:44 - Every time I see a film or TV show where people don't take their shoes off on any sort of mats, it drives me CRAZY. Lookin' at you, Cobra Kai. Thanks for the great video!

Great video... Not that I don't agree with most of your points because, they definitely resonate. Clean and safe obviously being paramount. It's just hard as a instructor to cover every aspect of every persons psychological, physical, and goal oriented needs. It almost seems impossible at times even with motivated students. Because ultimately Jiu Jitsu is fighting/self defense and can be very demanding at times and is probably the reason why most people don't last if they can't endure a little pressure. Also watering down the content doesn't necessarily improve retention especially in the realm of ladies in the art either.

I would say one red flag is when the instructor doesn't like you for who knows what reason. If you don't want me around then just say so. Makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Arriving late is a big deal for them and all. Also not telling me the rules of the gym and giving me shit for not following rules I didnt know I was breaking. For example bowing to Mestre Gracie before getting out of the mat to get water for some places it's a big deal. One instructor was really cool about it. But most of the time it's never an issue. Obviously everyone knows this rule I was bringing that up as an example. But there are some I don't know and I get shit for them. Another problem I've recently ran into is when you spar with some people that don't like it when you're too aggressive but will get full aggressive on you. I was sparring with a dude. And he was going hard on me. In turn so was I...then he's like "wtf man my eye" and I immediately stop my charge and then he immediately charges at me aggressively like he's all pissed off. Then I asked him "whats wrong? Wtf was that?!" Then he acts like I didn't do anything to his eye. I felt some hostility there. Everytime I roll with someone I usually grade the whole thing to see if I can go all out or not. I don't want to hurt anyone so I usually do this. If the person goes all out then anything goes "time to go super Saiyan for this match". When I am in a good gym before and after the rolls I always shake hands and have a brief conversation to build rapport. Ive ran into some people that refuse to say anything to me after. Did I do something wrong? If that's the case then some communication would be nice. Or they can just be pricks and I personally don't like to train with people like that. Apart from being a humbling and self developing experience I also want to socialize and make friends on the mat. If theres too many pricks at the gym then it's not fun at all.

Hi Kimberly, just recently started watching and I like all the stuff you've done so far. I have a question I'm hoping you could maybe talk about: I'm currently a 3rd stripe white belt and am up for my 4th with the grading this weekend. As I get closer to my blue belt I'm getting really worried about the pressure that comes with it. I'm concerned that I'm no where even close to a blue and if I were to get one then I'd be so anxious about not rolling on my A-game around other white belts. Any thoughts would be great.

A friends recommendation was everything in my decision.

Kimberly, my daughter is consistently getting Gi Burn on her neck, any suggestions?? She trains with kids because she is the only female adult, also she weighs 105. I wish there were some all women or gyms that encourage more women, I also wish there was more 50+ classes. Another great video!!!

Glad the school i go to isn't toxic. Great video

Your channel is awesome

"toxic jiu jitsu schools" ... okay, so ... just jiu jitsu schools in general ...

I've found that one of the red flags is if the gym avoids or puts down leg locks. It's a pretty big signal of behind the times mentality when it comes to technique. Not saying legs are the greatest thing that should be focused on entirely, but they're a tool in the box and should be learned and utilized just like everything else, not avoided. Conversely a heavy emphasis on one area. I had a gym tell me once that unless I focused on and got good at closed guard (in no gi no less) that I would never get promoted. And that wasn't him saying my closed guard was my weak point but that it was just by far the most important position to him. Long waiting periods before you can spar. I've heard people talk about gyms where you can't spar for 6 months or until you get your blue belt which is just mind boggling to me. A small delay of a couple weeks or whatever until a person learns the absolute basics I can understand but I can't even wrap my head around spending 6 months just drilling (unless you choose to do so).

At my school there’s so many women and my coach Mona is the highest ranking women and she coaches and trains. Having women in your gym younger ,your age,and older especially as a teen girl . CGH

What do you think about UFC GYM for jiu jitsu?

Hi Kim I really like your channel. I’m 64 male and want to train Jiu Jitsu, but I don’t want to get my ass handed to me every class by guys 30 years younger than me. Any thoughts? Am I too old to start this journey? Please help me out with your thoughts. Thank you for your time. Peace

Good stuff

As a 40 year old female walking into any BBJ gym my first thought isn't looking for other females. That isn't even something I would think about. I think it's important to ask the question why you are taking BJJ and what are you looking to get out of it? Finding a gym that is a good match for that makes more sense than me walking into a gym where it's all 20 year olds. If I'm looking for self defense I personally would not look for a women's class. I want to work with people heavier and much bigger than me because that's most likely the situation I would deal with.I'm looking for a gym at the moment and if I walk in and the people suck then yeah not the right fit. I also know that most of the people at this gym are my age so to me that makes more sense. If you are a women that has anxiety and are weird around men then yeah you probably want to call around and find a BJJ that can handle those types of people to help them with self confidence.

In my area there's only three. They are all horrible. I gotta travel a good hour away to a good team. It makes me hate training and hate even doing martial arts. I've been in a school where a dude beats on beginners, knocks us out cold and even headbutts and twists ankles also very exclusive and "clicky" I almost quit fighting because of dickhead trainers here. I totally love this content! Keep it up

It might be a stretch to say it saves lives

Amazing quality female bjj content. Keep it up, girl

Great points and great video! My gym has a pretty consistent group of at least 3 women every class. Most are blue belts but there are a couple purples! I really like my gym except for the handful of people with egos or who crank hard/fast on subs. Luckily this is probably only 5% of the club or fewer. Annoying recent gripe: had an older blue belt literally go full white belt mode on me to try and "break in" my blue belt I'm assuming. Trying to force some kind of collar choke on me from top half with all his might, even after I recovered to full guard. In the end he gassed out and had to stop mid round (jeez I wonder why). I swear you see just as much ego issues with older guys if not more 🙄

Gogoplata tutorial pls!

May I add, looking into how long the gym has been open is helpful when considering why it doesn’t have a heavier presence of women. This gives you insight into why there may not be upper belts, instructors, or many women that train there. Just something to think about before disregarding the school or passing it over because of that. I feel that talking with the instructors and students will really help you get the vibe of the gym and of the community/inclusiveness of it. May be a bunch of dudes and you may be the first woman they have but they could all be cool as heck and respectful. You may be what helps that gym attract more women so don’t let that deter you, specially at a new/newer gym. Lead the way but be very aware at the same time. Stay safe! :)

#1 sign that your bjj gym is toxic is they won’t let you step on the mats shoes on. Like, I help pay rent here. I can do what I want!

I can give world class Abhu Dhabi Bjj champions the business in the cage just by raining elbows down from side control or inside their guard. In 1990 you had an advantage. In 2023 you are delusional if you think that works against other mma guys who are woke. In the guard your just a sitting duck in the cage.

I can say no to any one (weather they are female or not) if I don't want to roll, and I don't have to explain myself to anyone. And yes, BTW, there are men (even black belts) who blatantly refuse to roll with females, and they have that right.