Victim complex!

Twitter (or "X" lol) is where happiness goes to die. Don't go posting about anything positive over there or you'll get raked across the coals.

😂😂😂😂😂

ikr I saw this I was like smh

i remember that

Yes 👏🏼 It’s literally giving 100lbs of candy to someone with diabetes

I had a coworker who trauma dumped on me every single day when I first met her. It made my depression so severe to the point where I had to beg her to stop sharing things with me and ended up exploding on her about how I literally couldn’t handle all of her stuff when I had my own stuff to deal with 😭 rule of thumb: please just ask if the person has emotional capacity/space to listen to you

Exactly! I’m a tattoo artist and a client trauma dumped on me about her past abusive relationship, not knowing she was triggering the hell out of me the whole time. I had the worst panic attack the moment she left.

even harmful to one self cuz you never know if that person is gonna use it against you if it's indeed a real trauma

dont group me into that ik what trauma is

They want validation from strangers instead of actually trying to fix the issue

@@PartyMarty321 This is it

@@PartyMarty321 so true, and it’s like a competition to them to see who’s more traumatized.

Everything can be monetized at this point

I remember when the internet was constantly full of warnings where you shouldn't post your identity online, and you should keep personal identifying information to yourself unless you really, really trusted someone. what a complete 180 the internet has accomplished in that aspect. now you're the odd one out for being more private online.

fr like i was AGHAST.

i would get judged so hard, i b lookin more goofy than traumatized

@@wrdwhtupcuh no fr 😭 be looking a whole mess

oh 1000% and ironically now actual toxic people can misuse the over-used verbiage to their advantage :/

Yes like it's a competition... meanwhile I walk around holding it all in, pretending that nothing has ever happened to me lol

It's like picking at a scab - keep it up and it will never heal.

@@_salemtovar_ it’s called the weaponization of mental health terms and it’s absolutely an issue.

​@@_salemtovar_legit, what my narcissistic family members do. One legit bad or sad thing happens and they have to ride it and blow it out of proportion months after it happened and use it as a trump card over everyone else, use it as ammunition against people they hurt. Accusing people of being the actual toxic ones.

True! Some people would rather hear soft lies than hard truths.

Agreed. I’ve started referring to things as behavior creating events because I’m tired of the overuse.

Just a classic case of people with TikTok brain rot overusing words they don’t understand because they heard it once

Omg thanku for saying this .

Lol people throw out the term narcissist like it’s nothing 😂 Everyone claims to have met a narcissist.

exactly

you literally just put into words what has been really heavy on my mind!

I agree. Therapy is often inaccessible or unaffordable, and I think in moderation it should be okay to open up to friends.

You put it in to words, omff

And the irony is that's exactly what leads to ppl randomly trauma-dumping... many ppl have no one to talk to anymore so when they do have the chance to speak to someone, whatever is weighing on them suddenly spills out.

YES like sometimes I feel bad because they usually don’t have anyone else to talk to but why is it my problem now 😫 depressing af

scary how that’s a common thing. literally cut off a friend for doing this to me for HOURS non stop on my birthday. i cried so long after. i was just burned out from that alone (i have major health issues and disabled so it was hard to bare)

​@@makthamenaceNah, if you give them advice and they don't take it, consider them as trying to manipulate you and leave them. They don't want to get better and are probs seeking attention if all they do is talk but never try to get better like speaking to a professional

Imagine if that woman finds your comment 💀

I worked at dairy queen for two years and got the same thing. It was so odd, and made me feel off for the rest of the day.

Thank you. It eases my concerns about myself rn

Thank you for making this distinction. I feel like some of the comments here are kinda misinterpreting trauma dumping.

I feel like the inappropriate part of trauma dumping comes from the other person not consenting to listening to it. In a mutual conversation, one can talk about their trauma ofc. You can even ask „hey this may be a heavy topic, are you okay with me telling you about xy?“ so the other person can say yes or no. But if it’s just you telling another person out of the blue and wanting them to respond empathically right away? That’s dumping. You can’t expect people to immediately cater to your needs. Double yikes if it’s dumping on people working service jobs as they have to be nice and accommodating as part of their job.

Not even just common sense, that's basic social etiquette. Something that's lacking due to numerous reasons, which I mostly blame mass internet usage and the pandemic-related lockdowns for the newer generation's misunderstanding of social situations.

@@lisawestphal2887 This is it. I find people believe consent only goes for physical things or topics but it is not. Trauma dumping root problem is the lack of consent and agency people who are forced into these topics must bare. It's taking away the chance of them preparing themselves for something heavy, something that might reflect their own experiences they don't want to relive so you can get a gratification of something. I don't think many people trauma dump to negatively impact others but we are now in a culture that celebrates oversharing and people who despite everything seem to lack social awareness/boundaries even more [not just in a ND way such as myself being autistic but in a 'what I on social media doesn't impact anyone really which is teaching me it's okay to do the same to customer service']. Inviting people into a discussion where they can agree and have the right to back out of the topic at any time is okay; trauma topics aren't inherently evil and need not be spoken of less you're a bad person only looking to gain something from others but it's about finding a mindful way to bring it up. Often with strangers they aren't going to be it. To foster a space people want to listen and feel safe in to expression their own emotions and not have to just sit in what is told to them. It's a benefit to online spaces that are more than just Tiktok and Reels to find like-minded people who can understand, can listen, and know how to help rather than your hairstylist or barista.

what’s even worse is that, it’s made up. she’s never been married, she dated the “husband” but he passed away. they were NEVER engaged too. she’s selling a book about it and the whole starbucks situation was to promote it, but the cashier/barista was real. she needs help, and i feel for the barista edit: the family even stated that they were never THAT close to be considered engaged/married.

@@almondmilk07 …. Are you joking?!!!!

I think the Starbucks worker needs help

@@gabimaza780 they’re not joking. She’s really done that. There really aren’t words…

@@almondmilk07Fr 🤭🤭?

Agreed! I just don't take anything off of TikTok seriously because it's all for attention. Most of them are bs statements and not enough research to post. I deleted the app long ago and feel a lot better.

can you give any advice? I feel like it's impossible to make friends as an adult

Its okay to vent to your friends once in awhile but if you're only running to them when you need something they will notice

@imechko_familia -- Start with meetup groups or other activities based around a hobby or sport or whatever you already like, so that way you know you and whoever else is there already have at least one thing in common to talk about, and they're less likely to mind you blathering on and on about your special interest hobby because it's *their* special interest hobby, too.

LMAO WHAT? I feel the same way though, I saw someone said that their mom taking away their phone was "invading" her "boundaries" like girl...

I understand your sentiment about trauma not necessarily being something as insignificant as that, but the opposite of what you’re suggesting is the idea of “Trauma Olympics” in which the most extreme scenario counts as real trauma Sometimes trauma is insignificant things because what causes trauma isn’t the event itself but the unprocessed emotion from that occurrence. Therefore, trauma can quite literally happen from anything, it just all depends on an individual’s temperament

​@@ShadowJinxXOX agreed! trauma can also be a collection of seemingly insignificant events that reinforce an idea. it's a little cruel to say someone doesn't know what trauma is, because at the end of the day you don't know the full context of their experience and how it affected them. it's frankly more humane to have conversations about these seemingly small things, if it's an option.

Trauma Olympics ....yes .... I do think one person's trauma can be way more traumatic then another person's 😂 leaving the toilet seat up and falling down a toilet wouldn't cause the same level of trauma as say someone being molested in a bathroom and forever having a fear of the sound of the toilet flushing , both would have a toilet trauma but one would end up with a trauma to the level of phobias they can't even comprehend

Agreed. More and more do people think that trauma = thing that mildly inconvenienced me

I actually think most people with actual mental illness don’t trauma dump. I’d say they’re the opposite

THANK YOU!!!

I agree, taking note of of what you said - it's a lot more than that...

Universal healthcare would be nice. Not $90,000 for a week in a psych ward

so dont talk about any traumas ever happening to anyone ever and just keep it in a journal. why is it always a victim mentality to talk about trauama and never an oppressor mentality telling ppl to get over it and just write about it in a journal and burn it so no one else ever has to see it. just wondering. people cant even 'trauma dump' or even mention their traumas to their therapist these days without getting terminated cos of this mentality. therapists dont even want to treat ppl with traumas anymore theyd rather treat people who dont have such issues.

Istg if I read this as a description and not a story I think I wouldve thought you met the same girl I was friends with before. I hope youre doing well now though, people like this are too draining and you shouldnt feel like your feelings are invalid

Preachhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh💯💯💯 hate the “my therapist told me videos” like these are private sessions for you to heal YOURSELF!! What kind of hero complex are you attempting to resolve by sharing their two cents on ur scenario w the world giving no context ?? So much advice is taken in the wrong way when given that way :(

I think that is probably called narcism :,) But totally agreed!!!

This phenomenon is Histrionic Valetudinarianism. Peformative and fueled by a need for attention and sympathy.

@@sseven_3626 Labelling everything as narcissism is just as toxic and harmful as traumadumping. That's literally part of the problem.

@@sseven_3626you’re just as bad lmao

for the love of God take tiktok away from your kid

Like what for example? Be specific please. Many abusive parents have the exact same mindset as you

@@intrusive-th0t I'm not a parent but it's true, some ppl act like struggling with homework is the same as a war veteran having ptsd

It's insulting to the people who have actually experienced real trauma too. Now when people hear the word "trauma" it has so much less impact.

@delial.1040 they're not on tiktok but they see stuff on instagram. I'm very aware of my kid's internet usage and they talk about what they watch with me all the time which is how I know this.

Which is hilarious because literally the reason it would ruin your day is because you *do* have empathy. If you didn't, someone trauma dumping on you wouldn't even register.

But… wouldn’t that actually make you … empathetic?

@@ndawn90 fr if we didn't have empathy we wouldn't even care about their trauma dumping in the first place.

So basically they said “There’s something wrong with you of hearing about an awful tragedy makes you upset” wtf 💀

It’s obvious that person never had to work with the public 😭 because after dealing with a a rush, and having to argue with customers abt expired coupons, the last thing I want to use my remaining sanity is on someone trauma dumping to me. Cause I will straight up tell them to go seek profession help and walk away 😭

it’s unfortunate because that guy probably never had a proper outlet to express himself and it’s probably all catching up to him now

my jaw dropped. they don't know how a mental disorder feels im 100 percent certain of it.

It's such a disrespectful thing to say, especially to yourself. I know mental illnesses can be life changing and many of them are impossible to cure, so patients of those illnesses have no choice but to accept them and cope with them. But to make them into something positive and your entire identity? Unbelievable

They definitely missed the point so much I think mental disorders should be something that, you have to accept as part of yourself and yes, it does change your identity a lot (I mean, without it you literally wouldn't be the same person), and it's great to see something positive in that disorder and even embrace that you have one. HOWEVER, you also have to acknowledge that it affects your life in a lot of negative ways. It's considered a disorder for a REASON. Disorders have a negative impact on your life and mental health, which is not something to celebrate. That clip made me cringe physically when I heard it It's not an overall positive experience, so saying you love your mental disorders is... strange, to say the least

@@DeadVoxel it’s so tone deaf

@@reidalyn2328 this right here. Most people I know who actually have mental illnesses don’t really talk about it… myself included. I talk to my husband, for communication purposes. In fact my husband and I made a pact to just straight up not tell people everything that has happened to us because it’s not fair to people.

Even outside they filmed so I buy a bike 😂😂😂 and stay at home

Some gyms have this in place. I know the gym I work out at has it and it’s a great place to get a workout in.

I only see it in bathrooms at the gym where I go to. Thankfully, I haven't seen people taking videos in the gym, though.

u do realize bodybuilders exist right

I disagree, filming is a good way to see if your form is good after an injury when you work out alone.

yeah, like the kinds of people who constantly talk about how they “can’t deal with your negative energy right now” if you express a single negative opinion.

THANK YOU! To me trauma dumping is when you do it to unsuspecting people. Like when you are at an event that is supposed to be fun and light hearted like a birthday dinner or something and you start bringing the mood down and make everything about yourself, or when you just start unloading on a random stranger like a hairdresser or nurse. But talking about your problems to your friends (at appropriate occassions) is normal and a fundamental part of friendship

So true! It only makes ppl feel more isolated, like they have no one to let these things out with. So that when the time comes that they have a chance to finally speak, they accidentally unload.

This I always fear I'm traumadumping when I'm upset thanks to this

@@elwyn5286 just look for some basic rules and you’ll be fine. Do you know the person well? Do they also come to you with their issues? Do you discuss things besides upsetting things? If those things are all true you should be good

A lot of people do not have friends in this day and age. At least where I live, it’s pretty hard to find friend groups in university. The price of therapy is much to high for a normal 15-25 year old too, even one session can break 200$. Journaling is also kind of like putting a tiny bandaid over a large wound. I think the issue of why people are trauma dumping is at part due to our increasing loneliness and isolation in younger generations. We have no close friends to vent to, and if we do, it’s also kind of like trauma dumping on just them… many people don’t have family to vent to either (cause for a lot of people trauma is their family). I think this is a really tough video. On one hand convulsing on camera is an extreme thing that shouldn’t be shared, and on the other, this is just real life. It’s not happy all the time. I don’t mind when people share things with me at work, it might make me sad for them for a minute, but it might have kept them alive for the next few days.

Unless u have no money or insurance for therapy

We know that not everyone has money for therapy or friends, the commenter was just trying to be helpful, don’t write paragraphs stating that they’re being insensitive. Sometimes we forget people are in difficult situations, please don’t try and make them look bad by arguing. Everyone has hard times, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t helpful.

⁠​⁠@@Midnightlunar10I didn’t state that, I never said they were insensitive or try to argue. I just said that it’s difficult.

@@Midnightlunar10 well the ‘not that hard guys’ at the end of their comment does make it seem kind of out of touch because yeah, *it is that hard* for some people. That’s literally the reason why this is happening. I think people are underestimating how much the isolation of the pandemic affected people socially. It certainly happened to me. Also people have had to move to more remote areas because of the rising cost of living. My friend group definitely took a hit, plus my age because I’m in my late 30s and a lot of my existing friends are just too busy or don’t care to make time. And before you say ‘well your friends suck then’ that kind of comment isn’t terribly helpful either because it is hard to make genuinely good friends. You could put a lot of effort into a friendship and then when you need people to be there for you, most will not come through. You don’t always know how people will react until you’re in certain situations so it’s not like you can blame the person for not knowing their friends would turn out to be shtbags. This is not at all me defending the weird social media trend of harassing service industry workers and dumping on them for tiktok views. Or dumping too much on anyone, stranger or friend. But these solutions listed above are certainly easier said than done for some.

That is not common at all in my country. Maybe you should look around you and ask what is affecting people so much and do something.

@@loanicastillo3327 Easier said than done, dude. Sorry some countries are struggling more than yours?

​@@loanicastillo3327Why is she the one who should do this?

@@Atria777 Because God is real. And when I was younger I did not understand that everything that was going in my way was sent by God. I thought I was little and unimportant to God, how could I possibly do something big? I was not. I never was. God was speaking to me personally the whole time. He used all kind of people and symbols to speak to me... And I had prayed some years ago he made my life a prayer and he did. He did listen. I was more important that I thought. I was never invisible. If you ask God for a great task he will give it to you. Even if nobody is seeing even if it is just the prayers between you and the Lord in the private space... Do not think you cannot be big.

Wow!

Love your comment. Also have PTSD and a few other mental issues and it’s hard to be okay sometimes, like you said I’d give anything to not have so much trauma. One girl on instagram was sobbing over losing ten followers and saying “it’s so traumatic oh my god how can they do this to me” and I was just rolling my eyes. Like girl… please.

@@annihilxte I hear ya, it’s really frustrating. Trauma isn’t fun, living with trauma isn’t fun, GETTING traumatized? ISNT FUN. I’d love for the girl you mentioned to pay for my counseling sessions and my medical bills for problems I’m sure have resulted from said trauma. I feel like if people that use it as a buzz word understood just what having trauma entailed they’d stop pretending they have it.

God, I know. PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar. Diagnosed. I would give so much to not have to deal with the persistent barriers and challenges those disorders throw in my way CONSTANTLY. I just want to be "normal".

came here to say this, I have C-PTSD and I'd give anything to not have it. It's hell. I go to therapy every week and it helps, people don't have to dump it all over the internet. Sometimes I'll post an occasional story on my instragram venting but most of followers have no idea how much I've been through and I prefer that. Only people close to me get to have access to my trauma because people can also use that against you to manipulate you.

C-PTSD diagnosed and I feel you. Also, my partner has PTSD. We talk a lot about our traumas and listen to each other. I hate it how it has become such a trend to be "traumatised". Everything, nowadays, is traumatising. Someone got the wrong coffee order? Traumatised. They dropped a spoon? Traumatised. I would give anything to not re-live my traumatising childhood events on a daily basis, and be "normal" and sleep peacefully. I wish I wasn't triggered and went into a spiral. Calling people out is not being insesitive. Using these real life issues as a way to gain money, views, clout and a couple giggles is insesitive. This new era of internet has turned everything into a "trend".

I think that's because people are scared you're going to make things uncomfortable and be a weirdo. People lack boundaries.

Omg, I've definitely experienced this more than once, even been randomly insulted just for being polite or acknowledging the ppl around me.

@@Kejtlenais your sister having a diagnosis?

@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 i've noticed this as well. i've also seen a slight rise in popularity of using "special needs" as an insult, which IMO is just the politically correct way of calling someone the r slur.

I know a guy whose ENTIRE PERSONALITY is "being autistic" (in a tiktok way), and for him, pretty much everyone is autistic. You have a few foods you like or dislike? You have one or two interests? You consider yourself "anti-social"? One single trait and you're automatically autist for him. Also, guess what? He is in his thirties and is engaged with a girl who just got into her 18. She, just like him, is a dumbass who swears she is autistic (because they think it's soo quirky and "not like other people, we're so special and unique", he wants a manic pixie dream girl for himself and she is currently collecting every single popular and convenient enough "not-like-other-peopleness" from Twitter and tiktok) and says dumb shits like "this apple tastes purple".

@@bruna7534 oh my gosh?? someone get that poor girl away from him

Yes so true! Good luck on your education. We definitely need more mental health professionals out here.

Thank you! I’m so sick and tired of people telling others to cut people off and be all about themselves. When at the end of the day they’re crying into their pillow because they feel so lonely and isolated.

So agreed. There’s so much weird pride around wanting to spend 100% of your time alone that it definitely ends up making me feel needy for just wanting in-person plans that are actually kept once or twice a month, but is it that wild to want to spend time with someone I don’t live with, work with or see at the shops on my errands? Humans are a social species and while I won’t act like there aren’t a handful of 100% hermits out there in the world, that’s definitely not most of us. We need connection, community and genuine in-person intimacy!

​@@LoveAndSnappleas someone that cannot make friends due to my autism making it impossible to be social w people that nightime feeling of isolation is CRAZY i cant imagine people striving to purposely cut people out.

@@LoveAndSnapple I apologize for assuming, but most of the time I hear people encouraging other to cut people off, it's usually due to legitamately serious reasons such as toxicity and even ab*se. Maybe it's because I specifcally have to deal with cutting off ab*sive people, but that's what I generally hear it in reference to. Unless you're talking about it in another context, which in that case, my bad

they have collective support, they just take it for granted and don't acknowledge it

who is actually doing that, beyond the rare obviously poorly adjusted person? i see comments like this acting like its something that happens en masse but ive never seen it. it feels like a straw-man atp

Lol no one thinks that

Ugh that sucks. I get a lot of this as a healthcare worker (who doesn’t work in mental health. I just do physical therapy. People trauma dump on me alllll day). I never trauma dump on my hairstylist. In fact I usually prefer to listen to my AirPods and relax. It’s my downtime :)

@@Randompotatoes-qs7bm ugh I'm jealous of your hairdresser. That would be a dream for me lol

@@hamham5978im not a talkative person so I dont even say a word when I went to my hair stylist 😂, besides the pleasantries and describing my preferred cut. I always felt awkward about my lack of conversation but what Im hearing is I was probably the most calm client to deal with, so that makes me feel better 😅

Yes!!! I’m a Esthetician and it has gotten so bad

This! I was waiting for a cosmetologist to talk about this, the amount of trauma dumping we hear on a daily basis is WILD

Women in STEM😍👩🏽‍⚕️

LMAO and thank God these things aren’t really true Bc I was so scared my whole personality was trauma response

@@Im_here_lollmoa

FARTING IS ALSO A TRAUMA RESPONSE. /j

@@vibrantgleam reverse breathing trauma 🤣

I work in a library as well, and I cannot agree more! My commute home is 40 minutes and I spend it exhausted and depleted after a day of trauma unloaded onto me... I'm just here to help fax, y'all.

Would you mind elaborating on the loneliness and self-obsession connection, please? It's not quite clear to me the point you are trying to make

@@sparkstudies1675 Sorry, my wording wasn't super clear! Basically there's research that shows that in some cases of extreme isolation, people's social skills start to worsen (pretty sure we all witnessed this in public during/after the pandemic). Another way of describing loneliness could be the lack of any/enough interaction with others. If you only have yourself to turn to, and you feel terrible, you could easily start to spiral into a place where your bad feelings are the main thing you're thinking about, all the time. This can sometimes be the root of public rudeness or aggression. (My apologies if it sounded like I was saying all lonely people are self-obsessed! Not at all.) There's lots of interesting recent coverage of this, both scholarly and anecdotal. When I google "loneliness rudeness," the first result is a reddit page that says, perfectly, "being lonely makes you rude and being rude makes you lonely." Lynne Truss's excellent book "Talk to the Hand" also covers this idea.

i would've never thought libraries would be such a breeding ground for trauma-dumpers. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

I cannot imagine trauma dumping to my librarians, good lord. The library has always been a third place and is the last place that you can exist for free, but you're supposed to meet friends there to study/draw/have book club, not unload on the librarian 😭 Honestly with all the cuts to open hours and funding, policing of the collection, paying back your student loans (only found out almost 2 years ago that you need a masters to be a librarian 😅) and rudeness epidemic the last thing y'all need is trauma dumpers. Thank you for showing up despite all that though

As opposed to 25-30 years old without social media? What are you even on about

@@likeastarbabyhello it’s not a statistic question yeah.

This gives the same vibes as when you perform so poorly on a test that a teacher has to pull you aside and ask you if you’re okay and if everything’s going fine at home 😂

this is literally it. not having a healthy support outlet is the reason why people trauma dump so much. I not only have a therapist, but my many of my friends and family are open communicators where we're allowed to talk about heavy topics and vent to each other in healthy ways. I don't feel the need to dump all my problems on a stranger. And it's sad that so many people either don't have friends, or feel like they can't depend on their friends for that kind of stuff

True. However, if you’re pulling out your phone and using the camera to get a service worker on camera my sympathy dies. I just view them as a clout chaser and it pisses me off.

@@sabersky1134 ofc that’s not the people i sympathize with, it’s weird that they are trying to make a profit off of mental issues.

This was the comment I was looking for There is a difference

I feel this is true but also some may not understand boundaries online. Or even both. It just sucks to see because especially nowadays I feel like everyone is lonely & that- I’m sure - makes it worse😮‍💨

Maybe you should just learn to listen.

@@loanicastillo3327This isn’t about not wanting to listen. If they don’t want to listen to someone trauma dump, then that’s a boundary they should be able to create. There is no reason for someone to HAVE to listen to someone trauma dump, especially a stranger, when they are trying to enjoy themselves at Disney Land.

@loanicastillo3327 no one is obligated to listen to someone else's problems

@@loanicastillo3327 maybe people should learn that others may be uncomfortable with uncalled for trauma dumping that they did not consent to hearing, especially when it can trigger an emotional or mental response for them I get it if it's a friend or a family member, especially if it's a partner. But a complete stranger? I'm sorry, as if those people don't have enough to deal with already? What if they're trying to enjoy themselves and cope with an event in their life, or take their mind off of things by doing something fun, or working. Are they supposed to listen to someone else's problems while trying to deal with their own?

@@pamplemousselacroix God obviously think the same about silly human prayers.

Isn’t this a double edged sword? If someone is given trauma in an event where someone caused them harm, then taking accountability for that feels a bit cruel. Like I get what you mean, it shouldn’t be spread onto others, but the wording is so isolating. It puts blame on the person for having a past.

sometimes trauma CAN be an excuse, sometimes people need a little grace while they’re healing

This!! Plus so many traits & disorders overlap with all kinds of other things so it takes time to sort through. Some are just normal human behaviors that are a normal response to a current situation. A true disorder comes with clumps of consistent symptoms & behaviors. Spotting one or 2 flags does not a diagnosis make.

Pardon bizarre typos. I have a fever of 103 and will miss everything while proofreading right now.

I'd put all self-diagnosed people in that category to be honest. Somehow nowadays it's "popular" to have ADHD and most of those "influencers" from instagram are proudly saying they are self-diagnosed and say how stupid all doctors and people around are and don't understand their fragile souls. I don't know how many I've blocked already but some new pop up in my reels feed again and again. I don't even know why I get such videos but all this self-diagnosing thing makes me mad and i'm not even a psychologist neither a person with some mental illness.

Some of us actually know our bodies and dont have the time or money to convince a doctor to test us - i know my own body better than a doctor​@spiritus_iris

@@katc2040 How would you? You know your body but not how to do a thorough, proper medical assessment of it. You don't know which tests to run and how to run them/analyze them. You don't know how to x out the overlapping conditions. You wouldn't know how to prescribe a medicine/treatment. So knowing your body I would say is a great start, but it would have to be complemented by working with a doctor who knows what to do with this information.

The way I turn the volume up and go about my work until they’re done.

I literally pretend the phone is going out. I will start talking then hang up in the middle of my sentence so it looks like the call dropped. I can’t deal with trauma dumpers anymore.

The only time I truly cried at work was from working at a call center on Christmas Day. My first 3 calls were each worse than the last. I’ll never go back

And you can't zone out 'cause of quality assurance might be listening or being recorded.

yuppppp

“During the panini” 🤣🤣🤣 Also that guy is so out of pocket

And that says a lot about the older generation

Omg really tho the older generation is so accustomed to just talking to strangers. I was at the grocery store getting hot food when an old lady also getting hot food started telling me how she was getting mashed potatoes for her husband because he had surgery like I didn't ask or anything (not trauma dumping but just over sharing)

I beg your pardon?!?

Girl yes, the boomers and Gen Xs trauma dump more than anyone. I had one co-worker at one of my last jobs where her ENTIRE shift she'd go on about her mother's abusive boyfriend who she's stuck taking care of because her mother died and she can't afford to live on her own (she is in her 50s, he's like 90), and sis yes it sucks but jeez can we talk about something else?

Ikr

Fr, like when I hear trauma dump my association with it is as a bad thing you shouldn't do in a social interaction without like informed consent of some kind. These people seem so bizarre, and I definitely had people do it to me when I worked in service, sometimes it was really scary. Like feel free to not give the canned "I'm fine, you?" response to "How are you tonight?", but keep it surface level unless the asker gets interested in the tea and you want to share, "Oh not great, had a bad breakup. How about you?" "Oh that's too bad. I'm alright, a bit burnt out. Hope the rest of your night goes better." "Yours too." Just be a normal person! Jeeze!

@@darkshadowrule2952 i absolutely agree! i feel like people, for lack of better words, are so chronically online that they don’t know how to have small talk. i’ve worked in service as well and someone just dumping heavy subjects onto you without any form of consent can be really worrisome and discomforting, like you said. to me, people seem to not be able to differentiate interactions in person vs online and that line gets blurred. i think one that jarred me the most was when i served a table of high schoolers and one of them had a meltdown over the rolls we served then sobbed to me about this, that, and the third and all i could do was just stand there and apologize. it’s bread, man!

agree. nowadays, all places to hang at would be the malls or any place that you have to pay to even get in.. i wanna ask my friends to hang at each others houses but then im worried if that would be too boring

Also that you both should have communication, like they are allowed to say no, or not being able to handle your trauma dumping, they are people and not professionals. And on therapy it is actually a big thing to learn how to handle things on your own.

@@Depressionwave2338 completely agree

It’s best practice to ask if someone is in the right place to hear some venting. But even then I feel like some people will feel obligated to say yes! So minimize that as much as possible because good friends can get burnt out too.

Yep. Also sucks when someone wants to openly trauma dump on a near daily basis, but then when their friend wants to vent about anything too, they're unwilling to reciprocate that support. It has really shocked and disappointed me, the amount of times I've encountered that. Something about my nature seems to invite people to treat me as the "therapist friend", and I would listen to people / support them / be there for them through so many really dark and emotional conversations, but then as soon as I wanted to open up even a little bit they would completely shut down and say they can't handle it. It's really not fair to treat someone as your emotional dumping ground but then be entirely unwilling to return even a small amount of that same support for the other person, especially when all they want is just to be listened to and have done so for you on countless occasions. After experiencing that several times, I finally stopped allowing myself to be treated as anyone's therapist, because it's really not fair for me to be there for somebody so much when they'll never be there for me when I need them.

I agree ENTIRELY. I’m currently dealing with an issue like this now, and it’s so hard for some people to understand boundaries when it comes to venting.

When the one lady said she “loved” her mental illness, it infuriated me. I had crippling depression at one point as well and everyday felt like I was physically slowly dying. How could you love that Let alone make it your entire personality

That part really blows my mind because I try so damn hard to hide my pain from people close to me so I could suffer in silence lol

isn’t cr******g an ableist word? /genq

@jessicaamy6711 I kind of get her point because I do think my mental health issues have contributed a lot to who I've become, but because of learning to cope with them and push myself while also recognizing when I can't and that it is okay to struggle and not be okay. My mental illnesses have helped me become resilient, brave, and more empathetic, and I love that. But for sure, that's a far cry from "loving" your mental illness.

@@loveinstars Some people say crippling others would say debilitating. I think they can be used interchangeably to mean “impactful in a way that heavily disrupts daily functioning.”

Could you share some details about what you did? Just curious if it is hobby related or something different, as I can quite relate to what you said at the beginning

people need to realize that you can have all the symptoms, but unless its actually getting in the way of you living your life, its not something that needs a diagnosis

To be fair, there is actually plenty of research showing that long term effects from trauma can create effects similar to ADHD. The cause behind the behaviors is obviously different, which means the treatments can be different, but there can also be overlap in the causes and treatments too. So, those suggestions aren’t coming from thin air. That being said, armchair diagnosing needs take several steps back. There’s a difference between someone asking for info and a suggestion for what to research (especially if they can’t currently afford/access therapy or treatment) versus “It must be this in my (uninformed) opinion” which there is way too much of online.

Trauma and ADHD have behavior overlap. They are entwined because the ADHD causes ppl to have behaviors others look on as unfavorable and then they are treated poorly as a result which creates trauma. That being said, trauma doesn't mean ADHD. The only real way to know is to talk to a professional and try ADHD meds. ADHD meds only work on ADHD ppl. Which will help sort out trauma from ADHD.

@@dragonstooth4223 I realize that, however this video was symptoms like playing the same song over and over again, and being picky. They were insanely simplified to the extent that every human relates, and then when the person said they didn't have ADHD people replied telling them its a trauma response. Being a picky eater and liking to play the same songs are not trauma responses. These are over simplified symptoms to the point where they aren't even ADHD specific anymore.

@@isdeirinnme I realize this, please read my above response.

💀💀

Oh my god same! Like I always worry if I’m over sharing in normal conversation, so being able to do stuff like this is just insane to me.😂

True that!!

There's also way more people who could see your comment, video, etc. online versus in person, so statistically there are more people who would see and care about your post, too

exactly! people don't understand balance anymore and aren't considerate of their friends' needs! friends can be there to listen, but you have to be a good friend in return and know their limits + be there if they need you!

Underrated comment

This or because their closest connections don’t care, and don’t listen.

You just traumadumped…

@@fae1644 Nah, they were sharing an example. Trauma dumping would have been going into detail on just how nasty said divorce was and what her ex was saying about her on social media. None of which she just did.

Go on with your bad self, Kimmie gurl!

​@@fae1644 Their comment is directly related to the topic of this video. It's not trauma dumping. And IMO you can't even truly trauma dump via a comment online. Anyone has the ability to scroll by and not reply. It's not like in person where you're literally just stuck there listening to them.

@@tikusblue That's a very good point!

hey, i get how you feel! its that feeling of fomo, right? i hope the best for you, and that you find some really good friends, if you dont have some already! ❤❤

I wouldn’t say you’re trauma dumping

i dont think this is traumadumping however i cant rly say why exactly it isnt. what differentiates a normal comment like this about a sensitive topic from a traumadumping one? can someone sayv

You're not trauma dumping. You were on topic for this video and were short and concise about the point you were making. You're good, no worries.

it's not dumping if you are just willing to listen from the others. that's the difference

this is….horribly relatable.

I hate how horribly relatable this is. My niece has been going through the same thing and she's 23 as well. She has her best friend and husband and they're not handling it well either. They use door dash or use Amazon to get most of what they need. I know they all miss pre-panini life.

i feel so called out reading this seeing as i had a mental breakdown recently because I have a group of friends but have never felt more alone in my entire life. More so alone then when I didn't have any friends at all. I genuinely hope you can make great, long lasting friends soon because feeling alone is the most empty, painful, bitter feeling

I’m 23 as well and feel very isolated from the people around me. It sucks

Same. 24 and i crave human connection, but the anxiety of going out and trying to find it petrifies me. It makes me feel so sick.

I know this isn’t on topic at all, but I love your Kaito photo, lol.

NO SAME. i was suddenly talking about how my old job and how it affected my mental health. they also didn’t call me back, and i forgot about it until now 😭

Your not dumb 🤍

Me too but with a zoom meeting, it's this "social" activity online from uni which is weird like why... in a zoom call. Was so sleepy and everyone talking about stuff suddenly they ask me and i was just not processing and keep blabbering e.e

@@ErutaniaRose SEGAAAAAAAAA

I THOUGHT SHE LOOKED FAMILIAR

EXACTLY

That’s wild 😀

Most ppl who trauma-dump aren't doing it on purpose or because they lack care or empathy for someone else or even expecting another person to fix things for them. A lot of times, it's totally unintentional & many ppl do feel embarrassed about doing it afterwards like "wtf did I just do?"

@@justacoginthefkery more people know what they are doing than I think you’d realize. It’s one thing to accidentally over share it’s another when service workers have to deal with regulars who come to their place of work to trauma dump (and yes that is something a LOT of people deal with)

@@justacoginthefkeryAt some point these people need to learn some self awareness

@@yougotgamesonyourphone6947 self-awareness is a habitual process of growth. If someone recognizes what they did & feels embarrassed, that's awareness. The ones to really watch out for are those who make excuses & no apologies for the way they treat others.

are there really? most of groups I have been were ableist, transphobic / homophobic and heavily pro-capitalistic and I only got retraumatized and "put in my place", told "others have worse" and that I'm not trying enough and I can't blame capitalism for the issues created by capitalism

​@@kiertavasirkusthere are absolutely a ton of awful groups out there and I'm really sorry you had that experience because no one deserves that kind of crap. I know this is gonna generate a lot of doubt but I've found my favorite ones on reddit. I always lurk for a few days before participating and there were some that were just bad. But one example of a good one is r/bipolar (I have Bipolar 1 Disorder). They are so kind, so supportive, and the mods are crazy diligent about shutting down anything in the universe of bigotry or disrespect. Like I remember a recent post where a member posted pictures about cleaning their room for the first time in years and I teared up myself from all of the kindness I saw. Online communities aren't right for everyone which is totally fine! And the type you're looking for probably makes a difference, like how specific it is (like a group for people with fibromyalgia vs a general group for people with invisible illnesses). I've just found a lot of support and healing through carefully selected ones so it is an option for some people to consider.

@@kiertavasirkus then get a therapist random stranger have other stuff if not worse going on then to wanna hear people issues

@@ashantiwrlds6119 we are literally talking about SUPPORT groups so about people who are supposed to want to listen about other people problems and trauma also, "get a therapist" is such a fucking priviledged statement, when so many people cannot afford basic healthcare

@@ashantiwrlds6119 they stated going on specific online groups for support not on random strangers and was treated poorly when it shouldn’t have yet somehow you missed all that, also there are therapists that could be transphobic, ableist, homophobic, classist, etc

Exacty. Feelings are valid, but how you manage them and what yo DO with them is NOT always valid. If you HURT people in the name of mental health is just so messed up.

ONG. Especially when it's parents trauma dumping on their children because they have no friends or healthy relationship. Like. Leave your kids alone.

@@stardewposting oooooh especially this. Even if your kids are adults. So inappropriate and taxing for people

@@stardewposting Yes! I dealt with this growing up and reading comments like these is so cathartic bc no one really talks about it. Yes, parents should NOT be trauma dumping on their kids, it definitely can create a negative impact in more ways than one.

@@LM.312 Way too many children have had to raise their parents!

I don’t expect a text back right away, I’m old school and believe your phone is for your convenience, not theirs. I’m always surprised when I text someone and it’s only been like 15 minutes and they apologize for not responding sooner. If it were THAT important I’d have called 911 not you!

you can also just say you want to be distant, not everyone is antisocial and depressed

That just means you need to get new friends cuz I don't have that problem.

i did the same thing and now i have no friends and everyone hates me

@@skylarvlogs1511you’ll find your people who like you for the current you. It takes time

I'm glad that you recognized that trauma dumping is harmful, and there are other healthier ways to express yourself. I went through a similar experience. I've had people be nasty towards me as a way to cope with trauma. I in turn treated people the same way. It was not good and very crippling. Thankfully going to therapy was very helpful.

That is literally me. After some years, I realized that trauma dumping on each other solved nothing and made the feeling worse, and also it was incredibly selfish and rude of me to trauma dump on people to the point where they were relieved when I stopped texting them for months.

@@soominlee5747 been there. I was so eager to hear them respond, fully with their energy and time and occasionally they did- but it shouldn't have ever been a thing for me to text walls complaining and lamenting my life experiences excessively. Just like you...yeah, I know they were relieved when I stopped. And I don't blame them.

@@chilling_koala The whole concept of the video is how easily people on the internet lay out extremely sensitive and traumatic info out for everyone to see, and do it under the guise of wanting support. I don't deny that it can be done for support and awareness. But when is enough enough? My point here is that it's voyeuristic. We feel, we like and we comment and we move on. It's not treated with the gravity it deserves; it's reduced to content, shares and likes. Some things don't need to be on the internet. When you post moments like that to the internet, I'd argue that you open yourself up to possible judgement. My judgement is that it's voyeuristic as hell and I sure as hell didn't want to watch this grieving mother sob over her son, but go off, I guess.

Oh that's hilarious

academic trauma is a real thing, but probably not something you can or should just casually email your professor about when you miss a deadline.

@@4n0mie no it’s not 😂

@@Toccata. oh right, it's not a medical diagnosis, but people struggling with trauma caused by the education they went through exist whether you want them to or not

The student needs to talk to a counselor or a therapist. Or disenroll from school. Whatever issue they have is their responsibility to deal with and workout

I think the culture might be relatively new but does go back to about the generation of the emo kids, lol

Yeah I think it just looks different now because we’re all connected online. It’s really not new.

I used to have people trauma dump on me constantly, as well. (Now I don’t go out that often.) I think it’s become much more performative now with the advent of social media.

@@sparkstudies1675 That has less to do with emo kids bc millions of ppl who aren't already do that

I completely understand what you’re talking about. It’s like when people watch extreme cleaning videos on KZfaq and the person says they’re cleaning out for someone who’s majorly depressed and you can see people in the comments saying that they’ve been depressed and there’s no excuse for people’s houses to get that bad. Or that there’s no reason to stop grooming yourself. There’s a reason we have levels of mild, moderate, and major depressive disorders.

absolutely agree. we’re in this strange place in the world and online right now where it’s becoming more “socially acceptable” to talk about mental health but only in very particular ways… if we have mild, relatable symptoms we can make jokes about it or skits and people will understand and relate, even praise you for being brave and speaking out about your experiences. however, showing any not-so-glamorous side of mental illness is still stigmatized in many ways. an example i see first hand is people who struggle with personality disorders talking about their symptoms. comment sections filled with people berating the individual and discounting their genuine struggles. i think the imaginary line where people lose empathy is when it comes to symptoms that can be in any way tied to morals or interpersonal relationships. anxiety around loud noises? understandable. seasonal depression? understandable. feeling tired all the time? understandable. but as soon as someone’s symptoms affect more than just themselves ie. emotionally manipulative behavior stemming from bpd, rejecting physical affection from a partner due to ptsd, etc. it is suddenly viewed as a moral failing of the individual rather than a symptom. i think this is why quite honestly we see more people sharing the “quirky,relatable” version of mental illness online because most people who are dealing with more severe, debilitating symptoms often experience a lot of shame around their struggles. the world still has a ways to go with being truly accepting and empathetic to those with ALL types of mental illness.

This is so so true, giving people this idea that certain mental illnesses only show up in certain ways, or on the contrary that certain experiences must then necessarily signify one thing or the other

Yess they don’t wanna hear that my anxiety causes me to to throw up or pass out, but they glamorize the ‘normal’ aspects. They don’t wanna hear that my depression episode caused me not to shower or brush my teeth for 2 weeks, but they wanna glamorize being sad. They only want certain traits because they’re seen as “cute” or “quirky”. It’s very disturbing.

Very good point!

When I was a cashier in my teens, I finished ringing up an elderly lady and as she was leaving the register, she turned back toward me and said "my husband died this morning". It was only 10am so he had just died. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" because another customer had entered my line. I didn't know what to say or do beyond that. She just left when she saw the other customer. I hope she found someone to talk to.

LOL! My cat gives me a dirty look if I walk in on her using her litter box. It's as if she's saying "Do you mind?"

So relatable. It's like having kids that wait till you're there and start knocking except with paws under the door and barking/meowing.

​@@petunia7623Haha, mine's the opposite! She will CONFIDENTLY use it while we're in the room as if her majesty needs guards.

I very much relate to this. I went from hiding all my issues from all my loved ones and friends to oversharing. However, over time, I've had to learn how or when to communicate these issues and to who. I think it's important to be able to talk about your issues and what you're going to but there's a time and place. Therapy is a great place but also finding friends who you trust is important. But it's also important to ask or get consent before you drop things off on someone because people may not be in a good mental state to receive that information at that time.

I 100% agree also. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I started oversharing my learnings with friends, my parents, and even a coworker just because it felt like something I needed to do as part of accepting the diagnosis, and in identifying my traumatic responses since I had been living with it undiagnosed for so long that I just kind of accepted a lot of my responses as either anxiety or "I'm just weird". Luckily my friends and parents are great and let me talk about it and my therapist has helped me learn that I can ask people first and let them decide if they're willing to listen rather than assuming that it is or isn't okay, because often loved ones do want to be there and be an ear to listen but I shouldn't and don't have to make that decision for them.

I had the same, thing happen with me, and accidentally took out my trauma on my friends. We all always ask consent to “lore drop”, lol, and we had several discussions as a group in what the problem was and how to work through it. I have found that assuming a baseline of trust with good friends is VERY helpful.

My grandma has been trauma dumping about her childhood to my sibling and i while spending time with us. She’s realized that she’s had many unconscious trauma responses due to her childhood and im glad that she’s kind of working on that but we think she needs to talk to a therapist instead of us in the car on the way to get ice cream. She thinks she’s okay without therapy but my dad thinks that she doesn’t want to go because my grandpa didn’t like therapists. It’s a whole situation