Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: What You Need To Know

Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: What You Need To Know | HealingFa.com

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Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

Күн бұрын

Join me in this eye-opening video as I introduce the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, helping you understand its impact on relationships and personal growth. Discover the importance of recognizing this attachment pattern and how it can change your life.
Sign up for the FREE 3-day course: The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant attachment style, at www.healingfa.com
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✅Content
00:00 Intro
01:51 Which attachment styles are there?
04:00 How does the fearful avoidant attachment style plays out?
05:34 What are the signs of the fearful avoidant attachment style?
12:20 What are typical thoughts of people with the fearful avoidant attachment style?
13:56 What are signs of your body when you have the fearful avoidant attachment style?
19:37 What is a fearful avoidant attachment style crash?
21:30 How do you develop the fearful avoidant attachment style?
‌Video Title: Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: What You Need To Know | HealingFa.com
This video is about Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: What You Need To Know. But It also covers the following topics:
Understanding Attachment Styles
Fearful Avoidant Relationships
Emotional Attachment Patterns
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in: bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is absolutely possible. You are not too broken.
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After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband, and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
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In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
For Collaboration and Business inquiries, please use the contact information below:
📩 Email: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
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#fearfulavoidant #attachmentstyles #relationshipdynamics #emotionalhealth #personaldevelopment #psychology
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your own research.
© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

Пікірлер: 68

@TonyYuEvangelism 5 ай бұрын

Here’s a revolutionary idea: What if there’s no such thing as “the one” and there’s no such thing as “being in love”. What if you were totally compatible with millions of people and all you needed to do was to put in a little work. That would mean people are expending immense energy looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when all they needed to do was a bit of work to be wealthy (relationally speaking)?

@nastybx7400 2 жыл бұрын

I recently got into my first healthy relationship and it’s extremely scary. I’ve tried to google ”How to heal fearful avoidant attachment style” but the only thing that pops up is ”How to love someone with this attachment style” ”Can fearful avoidants love” etc, so this channel is really helpful. Thank you for the content you provide, looking forward to watch more videos!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Oh fearful avoidants are amazing partners once they heal! The internet can be pretty onesided sometimes, so I'm really happy you are here :) They are amazing partners because they can be truly empathic, tune in really well and pick up the smallest details. Once you start healing, that is such a great gift :)

@Zireael1410 21 күн бұрын

You're a life saver!!! I never thought I would finally find someone who can explain everything I felt and been through without making me feel ashamed or guilty. I already feel a little better after hearing your comforting words in your delicate voice. Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

@sandypmcgroarty 2 жыл бұрын

THIS IS JUST SO SPOT ON. I've listened to so many podcasts and books but none of them really get the FA style like you. This is the first time i feel understood. Everything you said resonates with me. I've spent 20 years searching for that perfect relationship and ending so many healthy ones with secure partners. I never knew why and thought i was just incapable of a relationship. I now feel like i'm not alone and maybe there is a way for me, maybe i can figure this out and not repeat the same bloody pattern to infinitum! THANK YOU PAULIEN..You will never know what finding you has meant for me.

@Danademedina1 6 ай бұрын

Exactly! Same!

@nu8383 2 жыл бұрын

I'm kind of embarrased to admit it.....but i start liking people irrespective of what they look like....but when things seem to get mutual.....and THE CHASE phase is over.....i slowly start noticing superficial flaws in them(like you said...teeth or nose or overall how they look)....and the realization that I'm doing this makes me feel disgusted with myself....but at the same time the dislike generated for those flaws is so strong that i don't consider them anymore!!....I'm tired

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Totally understand you are tired. It is so hard and confusing. The chase feels safe because there is no connection YET. When there is a connection, you find ways to break the connection. Finding flaws is a logical way to do it. There's nothing wrong with you, you are just scared of connection.

@coreygeiger81 2 жыл бұрын

EVERY.SINGLE.THING that you said is beyond 100% who I am. I’ve never been read so well in my life. All I can think about is how I ruined many relationships and potential ones with precisely everything you’ve said. I can’t even begin to list them, because it was all so precise. I feel understood as f**k right now

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Ah and all I can think about is what wonderful relationships you will have in the future now you know this and can heal it :) Please give yourself grace. You really were doing the best you can, even when it doesn't feel like it

@jonesjs7204 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for creating this channel. 6 months ago i lost the most important person in my life because of this atachment, I was looking for sources and reading books and i wasnt able to understand why i break up with my ex. I still love her (i tried to reconnect but she didnt want to) with all my life and i didnt understand why i was so afraid to be with her, years and years of reading about psicology didnt healp me at all, i knew about attachment styles but i didnt seem to connect with any attachment, i even started to think that my cPTSD was getting in the way. Watching this vid make me almost cry, all what you said was hitting so hard, but was worth it. I will be watching all your vids and i will be looking for therapy. Thank you so much.

@Earthalien89 2 жыл бұрын

FINALLY, a solid explanation for why I am the way I am.... and for once I don't feel so alone in this battle any longer..seriously, I've never understood my hot and cold feelings, it makes me and my partners miserable. Thank you so much.

@taniaumar8105 2 жыл бұрын

Hello. Your channel is a godsend. I have no words to express how much your videos mean to me. Even when I go to therapy, I feel very... not attached and in the moment. I tell my partner I love them but soon as I say it, I question it and even though I love them, I shut down constantly and your videos are helping so much, I can't put it into words. Thank you so much for doing this. I really hope you continue. Love from Pakistan. 🌻🌻

@1972hermanoben 5 ай бұрын

A friend pointed me towards your videos, and I’m so grateful that she did. I’m just at the beginning of my healing journey - I’m still unsure whether I’m FA, AP or a combination of the two, if that’s even a thing. Fear and anxiety has blighted my life and so many relationships, whether at work, in love or family, have suffered as a result. My parents, thankfully, are still around but our relationships are strained to say the least. I’ve got a lot of work to do but it feels like I can start to negotiate a path forward. I’m 51 and hopefully have a lot of life left to live and more love to share.

@HalcyonBeing Жыл бұрын

I keep re-watching this one. It's comforting to know there's a reason why I'm like this.

@humanity1.095 5 күн бұрын

Your efforts to define and teach on this topic are thoroughly relatable and empathetic. Keep up the good work, you stand alone in the sea of information, and I am so thankful to have found the content you provide! Uncommon amongst the common, thank you.

@RyanRowntree-tf5st 2 ай бұрын

Another very revealing video. Thank you.

@Nipponsuki 16 күн бұрын

Wow this is 100% me every single thing you said. Thank you so much for putting this out there. This attachment style is a mess to deal with for me and my partner so understanding what the heck is going on is so healing already.

@Pheonix1111 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much. I never thought healing from FA was even possible before. You are saving lives.

@angela3286 2 жыл бұрын

Great video, thank you! I just have different opinion about love. We all have different experiences, but I don't think my parents really loved me, that sounds like gaslighting to me, calling that kind of treatment love. I tell myself they *didn't know how* to love me. Doesn't mean they never tried, but they didn't even see me. I know they were traumatised too. When someone keeps on abusing you even tho you communicated your needs and how it hurts you and they keep on telling you "I do it because I love you, you're just ungrateful. I had it so much worse. " or that you deserve that, it's simply gaslighting. For me, they even denied anything bad they did like it never happened, attacking me for fantasising and I'd get beaten even more, yelled at, insulted for telling the truth. I never felt any of that love, only fear, control, being trapped...but I'll stop there. I think it's important for people who had it really intense, like I did, to trust themselves and never mistake love for the way they were treated as children. It helps to get it straight. We don't want to let another person treat us like that and convince us it's love.

@solsenchi 2 жыл бұрын

It hurts, so bad. I never knew this was what was happening to me all this time. I hope knowing this is a start for coping and healing. Thank you.

@dearbrave4183 19 күн бұрын

Wow! Thank you so much for this extreme clarity 😢 it means a lot to me❤

@koala01111986 2 ай бұрын

The one that was more present at home...that's my dad

@Fatihsahin648 3 жыл бұрын

7,30Minute of the video thats me,when im in a beautiful moment im daupting my feelings, im not in present and after it im feeling bad about myself

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 3 жыл бұрын

It's actually a trauma response! Give yourself grace, and know that you don't do it because you don't want to, it is something you don't have control over in the moment. It is definitely something that will become less and less as you heal.

@Fatihsahin648 3 жыл бұрын

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 i will read that many times thank you

@ceciliabaldi5636 2 ай бұрын

Hi, Paulien (and everyone reading this comment)! Thank you so much for this video! I really appreciated your insights and the practical examples you gave, which are often missing in this kind of conversations. I don't know if this comment will ever reach you, but I still would like to share some doubts I have regarding the FA attachment style with you, in hope someone may be able to help me solve this case. . Since learning about attachment styles, I've been feeling like the FA attachment style represents my relationship/friendship pattern really well, but I've always had doubts (and still have) regarding the origin of said pattern. That is because I have a hard time seeing my parents as the possible cause for my attachment style. . Some context: I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for several years now (not quite at a disorder level, but more in the form of a reactive syndrome) and I see in myself many, if not all of the traits that are related to the fearful avoidant attachment style. Because of that, a couple years ago I decided to ask my therapist about it, but they responded that it was very unlikely for me to fall into the category, because of the link between attachment styles and the parenting one received as an infant. . Now, as a young adult, I'd say my relationship with my parents (especially my mother) is a bit complicated and often filled with tension due to several incompatibilities, but I'm not confident about the idea of my parents being the root cause of the way I interact with people and view relationships (my mom used to be a kindergarten teacher, and both of my parents, from what I was told, used to be very attentive and affectionate with me and my sister). . On the other hand, I've always struggled to get along with other kids as a child and I remember displaying FA traits while interacting with family members and friends even as a 4/5 year old (my memories of my life before that time are all fuzzy and unclear). . Later in life I got lucky and met a few very close friends that helped me heal a bit from my previous bad experiences and I think I was able to develop some healthier habits thanks to them, but I still very much relate to the disorganized attachment style. . The point is: I don't know where my insecure attachment style comes from. I don't see my parents having a temper with me as a baby; my sister has a secure attachment style and has never had any issues with her relationships/friendships; I don't remember any traumatic experiences happening to me at an age that would usually be relevant when it comes to developing an attachment style; etc. . Any ideas?

@annichpannich9882 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I never thought that this was my problem. Now I can start my healing

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Yess, your healing has begun!

@CynthiaWithLove Жыл бұрын

What an eye opener. Wow.

@lorainebudge8853 2 жыл бұрын

So glad you started this channel. Thank you!

@someansummer8427 2 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU PAULIEN😌

@jaredvaughan1665 2 жыл бұрын

amazing video

@rawann1001 12 күн бұрын

Thank you ❤🇪🇬

@emilywong1231 2 ай бұрын

[I would be really greatful if you could reply me!] Hi Pauline, I just discovered your channel and this absolutely helped! I just broke up with my 2-years LDR girlfriend for a month and the reason why I broke up with her was that I fell for someone else (for twice during our relationship). For the second time, I was having this fearful avoidant trait (I suspected myself) that I don't love my ex enough and tried to pick out all the flaws in our relationship. I ended up being with another person right after our break up but that was where all the nightmare started. I kept thinking about my ex and felt deeply regreted about my decision even though my ex told me she understood and she didn't blame me at all. I still feel so guilty. At the same time, with the new girl, I kept trying to find things that we aren't compatible with each other to a point I realized it is a relationship OCD. Now I always want to just break up with her but it's only been 2 months and she loves me a lot. What should I do?

@RoadsToFreedom22 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. Thank you so much, this brings a lot of light into my love life.

@KateStrongHealer Жыл бұрын

I was just sent a link to your channel. Wow Im anxious just listening to you lol You are so spot on.

@abcbcd1834 2 жыл бұрын

This video was really insightful. I appreciate the structure you gave it, especially using the timestamps. I relate to a lot of what you said in this vid and I'm looking forward to watching the rest of your content so I can learn more about how to heal from where I am now. Thank you for posting this.

@catteomi Жыл бұрын

I literally love you you resumed everything I went through

@Danademedina1 6 ай бұрын

I can’t believe I found this video. Like so many other people in the comments, you changed my life right now. How do you know exactly what I’ve been going through in the past six months and about my childhood and everything?? How is this so exact?? Omg. Thank you so so so much.

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 6 ай бұрын

I am so happy to hear my content is valuable to you! ❤

@user-ww9et6bl7n 10 ай бұрын

Thank you Paulien You’ve given me the understanding I had been searching for - it all makes sense now - and can’t wait to beginning the EFT healing (with your help and wisdom)

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 10 ай бұрын

I am so happy to hear!! Keeps me motivated to continue. Thank you for being here❤

@MyNoNameChannel2012 2 жыл бұрын

OMG. So I'm not crazy!!! :) Thank you so much!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Noo you are not! Everything makes sense!

@vwbeep 6 ай бұрын

I thought I legitimately had an unrepairable personality disorder. Convinced that I was going crazy, too! Thank you for these videos. They are life-changing!

@AmitRoy-mx2vu 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah we are an after thought

@andythebro5811 2 жыл бұрын

Hi. I am a male 25yo. I fear eye contact and being seen. Getting close to others is uncomfortable. I am not sure what my attachment style is. Tho I can be alone without any problems, and have no relationship for a long time. I am a loner. But I want to heal and thats why I am here.

@dionisoaps5100 Жыл бұрын

Can we be good parents? I'm trying to heal and I m on a way for many years..for me it's a slow process, but I am so scared i will damage my child, and that he will have to go through what I'm dealing with...

@jessrosejim5440 5 ай бұрын

You just explained my mother to a T. Wild…

@valiant.1 Күн бұрын

So, given your good parental relationship, what caused your FA attachment style?

@alyshaevans9879 2 жыл бұрын

Do you have any books your recommend that helped you to learn about this

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Actually, no. That's part of why I started this channel. The biggest books on attachment usually leave out this particular attachment style!

@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын

Can you please explain why all this happens in healthy relationships particularly?? This is spot on what my FA partner does and I don't get why he does it most with me ( I'm secure attachment style).

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Жыл бұрын

I talk about that in these two video's: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ociqgqiqr7zFYn0.html kzfaq.info/get/bejne/iNKajJmhucmll2Q.html But I might make a whole video on this!

@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 thanks a lot!

@Shiro1987 Жыл бұрын

10:00-10:15

@mattealeblanc6744 Жыл бұрын

During the last year, I tried to be in a relationship and connect--- because I really wanted to but was never able. I feel a lot of guilt about this. I suppose knowing I am a fearful avoidant is the first step to a healthy relationship one day, but I am still having issues simply believing that I can change (which I am sure believing you can change is a big step). Would you suggest digging deeper into the issues I have with my parent or simply knowing it as fact is enough to continue on from here?

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Жыл бұрын

If knowing it as a fact is helping you enough, you can continue without digging deeper. If you find yourself triggered a lot and struggling and just want to feel free of all of that, digging deeper can bring you to the root of the issues and release it!

@sylvievachon1020 Жыл бұрын

I dont wonder about how im feeling about all those things ..I think about him..does he really like me? Do I fit in to hisnlfe? Ectt

@reshmaroselinemony6267 2 жыл бұрын

I am fear of support... I feel fearful when people support me and tell I am good and it's there problem... When such an incident come out of fear I will fight with my supporter.. My husband.. And it is ruining our relationship.... I want him but I am afraid when people percive me as good... What can I do... I need to free myself from this attachment style

@mhanna2855 Жыл бұрын

do they come back after NC

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Жыл бұрын

Depends on the person and situation so much. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Wish I could give you more than that :)

@completelynoname2065 2 жыл бұрын

Any suggestions on how to recover from dealing with fearful avoidant partner? Can we expect a commentary from your partner or, dare I say, ex partners even?

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

It's really hard for me to answer these kinds of questions, because every FA is different and I really can't speak for all of them. But in general I would say: don't expect anything from them. If you keep hoping to get relief by them closing the chapter, you are giving your power away. It really is possible to heal and get closure, without them doing anything. I wish you all the best.

@completelynoname2065 2 жыл бұрын

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 well, I'd got my experience the hard way. Hope your videos will not only help FAs, but also help people recognize ones and act accordingly.