Excellent, ty. I’m in my late 40s and only in the last year have my repeated physical and emotional boundaries been ‘seen’ and somewhat respected. Well 1 or 2 boundaries but that’s still kind of shocking to me lol. I’m holding fast to no longer abandoning myself… and if it’s still practice for family of origin to continue to throw me under the bus, which they still do, that’s on them. I’m not around it anymore. Tough decision for me, wasn’t easy for me to get here but showing myself self love and respect. Finally ❤🎉

“ Say yes to the right things! “ Love it! ❤❤❤

This is where I'm at. I haven't been able to progress in life because I've had zero boundaries. I have no clue how to find healthy good people and set boundaries. I kicked out all the shitty people in my life; narcissists, egotistical people, selfish people, etc. I distanced from unhealthy family members. All that was very empowering but, now I do need a support group of good people.

They’ve done it all to me and end result is I’ve cut all ties. I only speak with my brother and I put my phone on DND when I don’t want to talk or don’t answer him: I’m committed to my healing because there’s more to do and be and no one will stop me from getting the blessings that I deserve once I do the work. Not my relatives, not my negative mind, not loneliness and definitely not my trauma. I need me NOW ❤

I have been looking for someone just like Tim Fletcher who is a Christian and is able to understand these concepts and has the right worldly view. He knows so much and is an amazing teacher and I’m so thankful!

Thanks tim, you are a fabulous human being. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜💟 to you and to all.

It is beyond helpful how specifically you have broken this down and I appreciate the slides with specific examples for what kind of things fit into each category. I think it's a really unique perspective and one of the hardest things to find practical advice and guidance for. I think a lot of the time our healthy role models who we would ask for advice can't come from a perspective where this kind of thing does not come naturally. Healthy people say beautiful things about listening to your heart, connecting with your true self, intentionally filling your days with things you love and spending energy on people who treat you right. You get home from their place and feel ashamed of all the ways you're failing to reciprocate each of the lovely relationships you're trying to squash onto your lego brick. You want to do things for you as well, so you cram in a tonne of fun things. Your health is important so you workout and cook from scratch. You do a tonne of volunteering your time to the good ones who you love or people in need. But you feel more exhausted than ever. You look at people who are doing a million things and thriving even in chaotic environments and you try to do what they do. You feel less valuable that you can't do what they do. Normal human limitations feel like failures that normal people don't have. Trying to live healthy, keeping in line with your values and desires feels mystical and exhausting. It feels unattainable and like there's some part of the puzzle that I'm missing. It's genuinely a relief to have someone spell it out like this.

I struggle much because of the confliction between determining whether I should reasonably bend a little more to other's perceptions or if I am indeed right to remaining indignant to those people who pushed my boundaries... it's hard if the difficult people in question are unconscious and avoid confrontation... if they are indeed unconscious of their errors

Gosh... finally (😊) a 'confirmation' of a man i respect a lot, where i so so struggle with.. bless you and all of you kind people here who relate, greetings from Belgium🤗. The 'hook after hook' omgoodness... totally happening!! Thank you

Hook after hook after hook and a looooong battle. For real.

This is confirmation of why the struggle is so hard.🥴

This is an absolute critical. It difficult part in the recovery!!!! Thank you so much for sharing!❤

Your work is a breakthrough! It's astounding in describing me the last 68. Feel to old to do the work.

I'd love to hear you talk about the relationship between complex trauma and counter depdenancy

Wow so very grateful for this altho it is a lot to take in.. blimey.. But I can feel this detailed & clear explanation is a big piece of the puzzle for me. I've been trying to figure out about "boundaries" for years, multiple people have said I have a problem with them but didn't explain & I didn't know how to do them better. Being diagnosed autistic & adhd 5yrs ago (aged 48!) helped me review various problematic interactions & be aware I may be misinterpreting things more than I thought, & helped me be nicer to myself & less reactive. And the complex trauma factors explained here make a lot of sense. And to realise there are personal AND external boundaries! I haven't heard it put like that before.. & helpful to realise that I struggle with personal ones, as well as external. Yes, seemingly incapable of setting any with others, one 'close' relationship in particular, as I am aware that it's important to be able to follow through & I don't think I could, but by not setting any I seem to have become a doormat & PA, altho I also have muttered various times about things needing to be different, but can't seem to speak it clearly, the proverbial cat gets my tongue, so that's likely taught them that there won't be any consequences, I'll keep doing what I've always done, which suits them, they say thank you and I continue feeling a mix of relief, satisfaction at meeting someone's /their needs, & resentment & frustration, & confusion, plus irritation with myself. And it takes my time & energy & feels out of balance. But I'm also glad to help, or at least been trying to support & encourage, but when told that I'm just enabling, or I wonder if I'm simply reinforcing a 'learned helplessness' (from cptsd I can see clearly, but he also has a pattern of self-medicating intermittently with alcohol & smoking (natural baccy) Really helpful info tho I would love to have some 1:1 sessions with a therapist who understands all this as it still feels nebulous, & I'm not properly sure what has caused this issue for me, I feel like a puppet on strings, the 'compelled' feeling is annoying & uncomfy, tho I can see some factors. Also grateful to hear you speak about 'yes' being meaningless without an effective 'no', as I have experienced this & it can be very painful.. & is sad, frustrating, & difficult, for me and also for others, & can make a messy situation or, if the other person doesn't realise, it still seems to unconsciously create a lot of stress/tension within me. Sigh. Thank you again Tim, I love your calm accessible detailed presentations 🙏💚🌷💕🌟 (I missed the start of the Live so I'm listening to it all again on the Replay ~ Thank You for providing Replay link & instantly too 😁)

Great video as usual, really like this format 😊

I really appreciate your video. Boundaries are difficult.🥰

I appreciate all the knowledge you give us. Thank you so much.

I did not know I was until a bit to late. Children grown. Learning I did that.

Very insightful and helpful--thank you!

From age 3-6 I was left to be in front of the tv while my mom slept while my two older siblings were in school. She worked 11pm to 7 am so my parents could get a house. My mom was a very strict authoritarian never allowing me to have boundaries. At age 16 I was pregnant and was pretty much told to get married. The question my mother asked us was do you love each other. How did I know? The marriage turned abusive a few years after. I took my vows seriously and hung in for 14 years. Me and four children moved away after I got a job. About ten years later my oldest died by suicide. I clocked out as a parent for over a year. Last September I fell victim to a scam at age 70. I now am very sick and have no idea how to have boundaries.

So wonderful.., Gd bless you for bringing all this to us with such clarity

Thank you!😊

You really nailed the roleplay! Ive heard it all.

Go boundaries

thank you

Used hook...if your not with me you're agaist me..implied Betrayals

Boundaries get easier as you can deeply understand what’s happening (in life) and what are you doing with it.

I'm skizoefetif and manea and PTSD and I push people away and I sometimes isolate from people and I'm not putting inpatient boundaries and I'm thankful for the help I'm getting from others and I don't have All the jobs skills anymore and I need to learn to get serten people out of my life I don't know if it's because I grew up in the system and out pashint therapy and it fills like I need validation a lot and people take care of me and I'm struggling to work and I avoid people that are on helthy to be around and I'm not sure if I need to stand up for myself

I got off heroin, thought I was good, got into a relationship with a horrible person to help their kids have a chance, and then coped with alcohol. Don't think your invincible just because you did the impossible.

A new concept to me.

And when someone who in the past has shown that they are manipulative, even when they're "nice" likely it's another manipulative tactic. Stay the course. You should be treated nice.

I'm experiencing ALL of the Negative De-motivators !! 😲 And it's been going on for at least two years 😞

That’s what my sync has done, but all of the criteria paint me to be the Narcissistic Person. I don’t know what reality is…the crazy part is that SHE IS AN ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR. She is a Masters educated counselor.

Boundaries, for me,are very difficult. I've been isolated from all the mutual friends I had when I was married to a narcissistic, range filled husband. 15 years on, he's on a tyrade on our eldest daughter. She was his target for physical and emotional abuse from the time her younger brother was born. Now I've been single for years. I don't trust myself with single men. And a man who is very new to our church. I'm the kind of person who embraces anyone to show them Yeshua. I've made the mistake of allowing this man to text me. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I've been so lonely for so long, I KNOW that the pain can't be filled by a relationship. I've been sooo lonely for so long. Can you please help?

I havent heard anyone else distinct between limbic brain and frontal cortex ..also i thought we are our feelings aka the limbic brain and didnt hold square logic to any esteem which is quite interesting bcoz it would mean the frontal cortex decided to not hold the frontal cortex to esteem

What is the problem with having a relationship with my grown daughter? I drove truck and missed a lot of things including milestones but now because i wasn’t in her core of people close i can’t ever be?

28:51 Isn't rather the case that the wounds experienced by the limbic brain affect mental and physical health?

Starting with klo papier (toilet paper) klo is toilet bowl... VPO.. TY!

❤❤

Some of this sounds like bipolar disorder. So, is BD goes along with Complex Trauma or some people with BD are misdiagnosed and they are traumatized and sometimes just limbic brain just start to "doing the fun stuff" actually hurting ourselves?

Those of us not gifted with the right inner tools or environment have to work constantly, 5 times harder than people who have naturally strong boundaries. Don't know why God willed almost everything to be difficult and painful in my life. I've dealt with very negative emotions my entire life. If my life is a testament to God's love, I hope he starts hating me so i could have a good and full life. It sucks to create someone you *know* will be miserable. To me, life has *mostly* felt like a burden of which I would have been glad to have been spared. The thought of having to do this thankless existence for decades would make my heart sink as a young boy. God is so cruel.

Haha awesome

Soooo goooood info...but your microphone needs to be better

I think one important thing to remember about boundaries when you're in unhealthy relationships is...boundaries are healthier for all concerned in the long run. I have to keep reminding myself of that..

Keep up and invent medication that will dull limbic system Your more on to affects complex trauma last 300 years .years.

Very good Content, but the Audio is Horrible!

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