What you said about not tailoring your boundaries to “universal rights and wrongs” really struck a cord with me. I had a situation where I was seeing someone casually and they told me they wanted me to send daily good morning and good night texts. I said that that seemed a bit excessive but when I asked around my friend group (I’m genZ) all of them said that it was perfectly normal, and so I didn’t see a justification to refuse the request and I agreed. And every single time I send those texts I resented that person more and more, and then felt shame for feeling that resentment bc what they were asking for was very normal, especially in my generation. My takeaway from this video is that I should honour my boundaries even if they’re silly. And if they’re self-destructive (hello avoidant attachment) the answer isn’t to completely ignore them, but to honour them temporarily while doing healing work around the issue that’s causing them to show up so my body doesn’t feel the need to draw a boundary around that area in the long term.

I had a friend like this who had an avoidant style; after entering a relationship with great enthusiasm she would very quickly feel a desire to pull back, even end it. Part of her accepted this as her pattern, but part of her didn't - she felt some guilt, responsibility, concern about what people would think of her for acting in a way that seemed to callously bait and then hurt others. Because she found it hard to ask for all the space she deep down wanted, if the other person didn't give that to her, she would let those undesired relationship dynamics continue but resent them more and more until there was some grand break leaving nothing in its wake, with all that extra residual upset on all sides.

As someone who relies heavily on logic, this was the first of Heidi's videos where I wasn't easily following along and comfortable. The example with 'Jim' and Heidi's reticence to return his text actually being anger/resentment with HIM blew my mind. I replayed that part because it didn't click with me and I thought I missed something. I completely rationalize my feelings. If they don't make sense, they are disregarded instantly or twisted into something that does makes sense (a nice Vulcan story!). I don't feel them in my body unless they are intense - at which point my freeze response often kicks in and I numb out - so that's very interesting. Lots of work to be done.

I'll join in here: setting boundaries based on what I "should" do isn't just hurtful for me. It's also the fast-lane towards my becoming someone's enabler.

I think this is the best set of tips for setting *healthy* boundaries that I've seen so far. I'm avoidant and autistic, and I've always been setting them from the position of reason (which is probably what you call "universal rights and wrongs") - and then get all surprised and upset at myself at noticing that they seemed to work rather against me than for me (let alone that there wasn't a single case when they worked the way they were intended). It was not long ago that I started conciously practicing body awarness, but I haven't gone so far yet as to connect it to the topic of healthy boundaries. You kind of dotted the i's and cross the t's in this question for me, and I'm once again thanking you! This feels like a huge step in a very good direction.

The more you set boundaries in accordance with your body/emotional awareness the more your conscious/subconscious become aligned.

Heidi Priebe is the Taylor Swift of psychology

Couldn't agree more, the body knows best. Just observe babies to learn this concept, babies use their bodies to set boundaries with people around them and the main difference between them and us adults is that we have had years of being told not to listen to our bodies. This is how we get out of touch with our bodies. I really appreciate this video, it's clarified some things for me especially that bit about having boundaries around someone not reacting in an empathetic and compassionate way towards you when you share personal information. I also agree that the mental justifications we do are because we are trying to disagree with what our bodies are telling us. You feel violated in your body by say a close friend or loved one but you don't feel like you have the right to feel that way and so, you opt to dismiss your bodily sensations

this is REALLY powerful, I’m kind of blown away.

This video is so relevant for Neurodivergant and traumatised people and speaks to why we often have issues with understanding and putting boundaries in place. Also speaks to just WHY it's so important for us to teach our children about their bodies and develop interoception. If we aren't aware of the signals our bodies are sending us, and being taught to listen, be aware of them and advocate for ourselves, how will our children be able to know and hold their boundaries out in the world!?! Keeping ourselves emotionally and physically safe is dependent on being aware of our bodies, our emotions and our boundaries. I've been actively working on my mind body connection and my boundaries for awhile now. Interestingly, I've noticed as I improve in each of these areas, the other areas is simultaneously improved!

This is the somatic work I started 2 years ago. At the same time I was reading, The Body Keeps The Score along with some EMDR. Can safely say that reconnecting with my body was the gateway to becoming secure. Completely changed every aspect of my life. Adore your channel

This is where I think everyone with attachment difficulties needs to spend time being single, and learn to enjoy it. Not as an end-game, but to discover for themselves that it very well COULD be an end-game if they so chose, and their life would still be happy and fulfilled. I think that many of us (my past self included) place intimate relationships up on a pedestal of such great importance that we choose to willingly forgo what we know to be true for us, just because it would mean 'ending up single'. If you're in one of the date scenarios Heidi mentions, you need to also have an attitude that you are willing to abandon the relationship if something threatens one of your boundaries. This is absolutely the right way, but for anyone who has that relationship on a pedestal of scarcity and infinite worth, the temptation to 'just suck it up' can be far too great.

I think it's important to have some sort of checks and balance system in play when listening to the answers of the body. The body by itself is sometimes right on when it comes to knowing our healthy boundaries. Sometimes the body is off and will lead us away from ourselves, our true selves, our higher selves, our whole self. The body can be dictated by trauma perspectives that are disconnected from reality. It can be misdirected towards deviant, antisocial, amoral behavior. It can desire that which will harm us. I think the mind and soul must be part of the checks and balance system that we use to determine our boundaries. Growth demands we go beyond the comfort zone of the body, even if just a little bit. Even to get from insecure to secure attachment, we temporarily move out of our comfort zone until the new healthier comfort zone is built. That push to grow comes from the wisdom of the mind that can envision a greater future for the benefit of the whole person. I agree that the body often has the right answer and must be heavily considered in final decisions, but not in isolation to the rest of ourselves (i.e. mind and soul).

You are honestly bringing out these videos exactly when I needed them the most, and you're the only person on YT who I can listen to all the way through and whose content I really relate to.

This is a terrific teaching! I believe it will be life-changing for me as I put these insights into practice. I have trouble being friends with my body. It is the enemy, a source of shame and unhappiness. I believe these techniques will begin to heal that rift. Sometimes the most basic revelations are the most powerful. Thank you!

Great video, thank you!! I would love to trust what my body is telling me more, but what if you're in some kind of an emotional flashback and what your body is telling you is not actually fully true about your present interaction with another person? That's where it becomes more of a mental game because you're trying to figure out how much of what you're feeling relates to the present situation and how much of it- to the past, and at that point you're already all in your head trying to understand if your body is projecting something onto the other person, and it becomes hard to just listen and trust one's own body states. So your body is maybe screaming noo don't get close to that person whereas maybe it's your fear of attachment and this person could actually do you some good, at least if you're not seeing any horrible red flags😅 Or would it mean that one can just set boundaries in function of what one's body is feeling, no matter whether it's coming from an emotional flashback or present situation?

Caught a new video for once! Just wanted to say I am thankful for your content. As a mental health professional myself and also an ENFP I feel you present things in a way that just click for me.

Your advice is insightful beyond what I've seen on any other channel. Thank you.

I really enjoy your videos. I don’t know if you are a therapist or a psychologist but the things you talk about are very well structured, argumented, filled with self-awareness, understanding and the ability to mentalise. A lot of new-age therapists and coaches don’t have this ability. YT is full of meaningless superficial advice and your videos are a real refreshment. Thank you!

oh wow. i feel so much calmer. i was feeling really tense but when i said “i resent you for ...” the tension was released :,)

Thank you for this! Keen reminders that I can embody my body to follow my intuitive boundaries. It’s truly a resolve for many anxious reaction I tend to have almost all the time. However, the practice of this is key!! Still working on it because this can truly be a task until it’s rhythm! Thanks again Heidi. It’s even helped focus for me too instead of escapism due to stress

MOTHER HAS UPLOADEEED. gosh i did need this, just in time as always heidi

I've commented this so many times but, I will say it again: this was so timely! Much needed. Thank you!

Exactly. Good point on looking at our expectations.

This was brilliant. Thank you. Your example was key.

I feel the same way about virtual communication. I've gotten somewhat used to it because my husband is military, so for the last 16 years I've lived far from family, but it's still very challenging for me to maintain communication. Also, I've been working from home since covid (not my preference) with no end in sight, and I feel like I'm disappearing. I love your channel. Your content is life-changing. 💛

This is completely incredible! I need to watch it more then once. So much great info packed into this.

This video resonated so much with me. Thank you!

Thank you for your brilliant videos. I find it immensely difficult to remain cognizant of my bodily sensations while in an interaction. Often it is as if I’m outside of myself, in front of my physical body and ‘inside’ of whoever I am interacting with. I feel like I’m needed- and powerless and can’t ‘feel’ me. And although I feel the other person intensely, obviously what I’m feeling is not the real them, etc. With regular day-to-day conversations, this issue is problematic but pretty ‘contained’, whereas when it comes to interactions with people who conceive of sensitivity as disgusting or weak, or with mental health professionals who behave in a certain way that feels invalidating but also somehow ‘appropriate’ because they are ‘right’, things can happen in conversations and relationships that seem subtly abusive. Partly why this is so activating is because I normally don’t feel sure if it is me or them. I hope this makes sense. I.e., in a recent very difficult rupture with a therapist, I felt the most upset and activated I’ve felt in years, I literally could not keep my face relaxed and I didn’t feel my body or if I was breathing. I didn’t see the room or him, but I tried very hard to stay still and not begin to cry or get tipped over the edge. I sat at the edge of my seat and all I could see was part of the iris of his right eye. I felt I needed to maintain eye contact so as not to be considered more unhealthy by him. I tried to convey to him my experience of what had happened in the situation between us but he kept returning to how my perception was skewed as a result of my attachment wounding. It’s hard to explain this so it makes sense but it has been difficult afterward to make sense of what happened because part of me believes he did some things that were not ideal, even potentially serious, but another part of me believes I must be wrong in thinking this because it is true that my attachment wounding is affecting my body sensations and my thoughts about him and this situation and whether his face expresses concern or disinterest. And this happens often, this shift from feeling intensely positive about someone to feeling like I will never bear to see them again from shame and all-consuming sadness over being rejected. I try to consider and hold multiple possibilities in my mind simultaneously but I’m struggling with trying to tease apart all the different parts of these reactions.

Oh my goodness, this has helped to change my perspective so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Heidi, you are a gem of wisdom and knowledge. Thank you!❤

Thank you for making a video on this and your candid honestly surrounding the very real struggle with "virtual communication" some of us experience.

Thank you so much for your videos, Heidi. You have a way of explaining these complex ideas without excessive confusing jargon, and in a way that I can understand.

The best video on setting boundaries I have ever seen.

this is sooooo helpful. i love how u break things down

Thank you!! Needed this very much today. Life is one big lesson and I must have compassion for myself while I learn and practice. Thank you God for your grace and forgiveness! Thanks Heidi for your words and videos!

This was incredibly informative and useful. Figuring out healthy boundaries was the hardest task for me so far. Thank you!

Oh gosh 😢 It sounds mentally exhausting! I was sooooo relaxed and balanced when started watching the video and ended up feeling anxious, stressed and overwhelmed 😅

Thanks, Heidi. Just what i needed. When you grew up with inconsistent invalidation about your wants in relation to others', it can be scary just to feel what your body tells you. If i look back, my body has been consistent in what it tells me. If i can trust my body, then i can learn to trust myself. You inspire me, and i appreciate your candor, wisdom, and succinct communication style. Dont stop doing your thing!!

Your advice is so practical and your insights are so profound and relevant to trauma and healing work. You're an amazing pillar in the community. Thank you

Right on time, as you so often are.

Osem content, lots of love for your video from India

Omg Heidi I feel the same way! The bane of my relationships have been cause partners are bored or whatever reason and want to waste my time texting! Ugh. No more. It affects my creativity and Freedom for mind and focus. I am not a scatterbrained person or ADD. I focus on what I'm doing.. and text are surface level distractions that interrupt my focus. It's like either we plan to text and actually go back in forth and focus on that or let's just talk on the phone. But this texting and waiting for a response does not work for me! Or like you said, be in person and get the best value.

On point 💯

Thank you for this video! I just used this to try and learn more about my own boundaries :) It is really helpful!

Thank you! This is exactly what I've been learning in the last year or so. I would love to see your take on setting boundaries in your family (with your parents, siblings). This is another level for me 🥵

I love how you tied boundary work to body awareness!* And, I also really appreciat how you consistently emphasise that setting boundaries is a matter of altering your own behaviour in response to stimuli and not about changing others. *Now for the caveat: I think that absolute right and wrong do, in fact exist, and have their place. However, in most (and I think all, unless I missed one) of your examples, the things disliked are not universally right or wrong and trying to think of them that way can lead to problems just like you described. I think that the principles of absolute right and wrong are abstract and easy to misapply. For example, I believe that it’s universally wrong to do someone net permanent harm. However, it’s often hard to tell if the harm will be permanent or if any good that might result is worth the lasting damage. For example, a surgery usually causes harm, but not net harm, but sometimes healing might be too slow to make the procedure worthwhile, or risk of death could be too high. What’s more, even if another person is wrong, trying to make them change is futile. They have to willingly change themselves, or there can be no authentic lasting change. Wasting our time on the futile act of trying to change others can add to feelings of resentment and can even lead to cruelty-it’s not worth it. Helping facilitate change for people who want to change, on the other hand can be rewarding and helpful-it’s just best to make sure the evidence supports that what you’re doing is actually helpful.

OMG. I just realized (or finally admitted) I don't enjoy talking to my system on the phone. But I love texting with her. This is so helpful. What a simple practice.

Really enjoyed this take on boundaries,the clearest I’ve heard so far…And she spoke at a slower pace than some of her other videos which I was so grateful for😄

This is great! Thanks for taking your time to make these important videos in order to help us. Very inspiring and insightful!

Learned something new. Thanks

big yes to radical honesty 🎉😊

I feel so seen. Thank you for sharing about digital communication.

Another great video. ❤

This was so great! Thank you!

Incredible woman, incredible expression and so important topics. It is so helpful for me, thank you so much!

This is extremely helpful. Thank you for another wonderful video! :)

incredibly helpful. thank you being willing to share with us.

thank youuuu Heidi 🫶

Learned a lot🎉. 🙏

I am following you for quite some time and I am amazed at your personal growth. Every video is just one step better than the one before. Where did you get these insights??

Thank you heidi your amazing💝💝

I love your work and your channel ❤️ I also enjoy how well spoken you are. I think it would be interesting to see how are natural masculine and feminine energies effect our personality types. I'm noticing that in my career and romantic relationships I need to be able to express both sides. I'm a injf and I identify as a fearful avoident in codependent recovery. That's a Mouth full. ❤

🔥seriously👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼

lol I wish Heidi was my therapist back when I had one 😂. Would be telling a different story rn

I find it hard to differentiate between my anxious attachment style being triggered or it being something that I genuinely don’t like. For example, meeting someone who is great for me in so many ways but having different communication needs. Do we really pass on the opportunity of having someone with such good qualities in our life because they don’t communicate as frequent as we’d like, as you said no matter what even when trying to come to a compromise it still builds resentment… it’s such a shame.

Perhaps at the same time, I’m also getting somewhere with this; recently, when people have done or said something I’ve noticed myself react negatively to, more often than not I have pulled back (instead of immediately bypassing or pushing away my feelings and then almost guiltily overcompensating in the other direction). For instance, in one situation, while at first, I couldn’t stop feeling hurt and insecure by something someone said to me, after a few days I was able to consider the possibility that it (what she said) might not say anything about me at all but perhaps it suggested something about her, and I felt it was a reminder to be more protective of myself around her. In another situation, someone I like romantically replied to a message in a sort of very short and distracted manner, and at first, I felt very hurt, interpreting it as this person rejecting me. Then some time later, I began feeling that feeling of my feelings being hurt when I read this person’s message, and I tried asking myself if I felt I had done anything wrong. I realized that no, I didn’t think I had done anything wrong, I didn’t feel as if there had been anything wrong with my being a bit vulnerable and affectionate. Somehow, considering the issue in this light changed how I felt about it and took away my feelings of shame and self-criticism. I even thought that perhaps this person wasn’t the ideal partner for me.

The mistake of universal boundaries is exactly what I've been making. OMG. Thank you.

Radical Honesty for some reason really sounded promising. Would be great to see a video diving into that concept and resources available.

Brilliant!

wow this video is incredibly helpful and necessary

One of the firsts! You are great! But how do you smile so much without getting tired xd

I detest virtual communication too. But ended up resenting people who prioritized it without knowing why and paasive aggressively punishing them

Hi Heidi! Thank you so much for posting this video - it came for me at an exact time where my partner wanted to see me, which was perfectly reasonable, but I knew in my body I did not want to see her. Although I feel glad I said no hours later, I felt an extreme wave of nauseating guilt churning in my stomach right after saying no. I believe it's because I was afraid saying no would cause me to be punished or scolded in some way (because I was rejecting a perfectly reasonable request). Consciously, I should be fine with spending time with her, and yet I felt the need to say no in my body. I guess I'm wondering, how do you overcome the fear of setting boundaries? What if you've been punished for saying no, or having boundaries, in youth, and have trouble setting them now?(especially when they aren't consciously/logically reasonable?) And how can you know when a boundary you're setting is hurting or helping you?

I resent you for not living in a walking distance from me ;) thanks for another valuable lesson anyway

With ex partners I stayed either most of the time at their homes (pretty much from the beginning) or I travelled between my flat and theirs on a daily basis. At home I mostly wanted peace for myself, but it could happen that I went crazy on my own, felt like evth is falling apart/I´m nothing without my partner. But back in my childhood I was a person who could easily be alone, playing with my Barbie´s or He-Man and She-Ra for hours or read, later writing poems, paint, watch TV, listen to music, take walks in the night, go dancing alone etc. (I did that for years until I had single people I went dancing with). This crazy stuff at home meant it always varied between long periods of being alone and then out of the blue my brother came storming in (or opens the locked door with a stick comb and a spare key) to terrorize me, threaten me, choleric outbursts, playing sadistic games I didn´t understand, until I developed situative amnesia. Sometimes he kept up the nice brother facade for 2 minutes and then BOOM Dr Hyde appeared. I avoided to take my boyfriends home with me .... not only because I was afraid they would hate it, but bc I was afraid I couldn´t manage us together, there was this big fear of "I have to entertain them, I have to organize us together, to LEAD"! SHOCK! I just don´t know many of these small or bigger things about me yet, so how should I communicate them to others? 😂😂If you´ve never been asked things like this in the past, you don´t know. What are personal boundaries? 🤪🤪Ahh, ahhh, I heard that word before...

14:32 I feel confused here about first, how I can begin applying this when I feel as if I don’t feel my body when I am the least bit activated (or triggered), in particular this is the case when I am interacting with another person; it feels as if I am outside of myself without any sense of my body, and if there is tension or an argument, I tend to lose entirely any connection to my executive functioning and sense of self, important promises I have made to my inner child as to how to show up for her etc.; and second, how I can feel comfortable communicating a need to avoid resentment starting to build when more often than not I feel completely at a loss as to whether my need is a sound and appropriate need that may be communicated or some unfortunate trace of my complex trauma etc. background and so an additional aspect of me that I ought to carefully work at eliminating. I.e., if your entire life you have received the explicit message that your needs are exaggerated or widely inappropriate, how do you even begin trying to feel them in your body let alone communicate them?

Looks like I do not want a significant other or intimacy (even family or close friends) because it makes me feel gross and uncomfortable even though I feel I should in principle. Everything feels like obligation because I'd rather be alone. I don't mind superficial social chit chat or networking. Etc. I just feel like no one relates to my emotions and everyone always tries to invalidate them.

Great video thank you! Biggest takeaway...'You can feel anger and resentment towards something that you believe, in your concious mind is perfectly reasonable...' Do you have any specific radical honesty courses you would recommend? 🙂

where u been my whole life !!

Thank you

Question for you, Heidi . I am so enjoying your videos, thank you. This one brought up a lot of stuff for me. The burning question is, how do I know that my reaction to my boyfriend's behaviors i isn't driven by my dad's lack of approval of me when I was a kid? Because half of the time this man triggers my dad wound for sure, and I want to learn to set appropriate boundaries on these behaviors, that are authentic to my true self and not a replay directed by my wounded inner child....???

✅ good worrk

Thank you for what you do. My question is how do I know if my boundaries are or are not just symptoms of insecure attachment. Aren’t the limbic-system-informed boundaries of someone trying to heal from insecure attachments very often something it is unhealthy to to entertain?

Oh my god, I do be playing the justification game 😬

There's a fear that setting boundaries as you described in the video will lead to ultra independency and eventually loneliness. There aren't two people in this world that are so much aligned that they don't cross each other's boundaries at all. So that's impossible to find a partner, for to your every "I don't like this" he or she will say "but I do" or vice versa. With friends and relatives it's easier for you are ideally not as close. With romantic partners, a hell. I am currently dating a person who dislikes messaging, and while they are consistent in meeting in person, they don't write between dates and I start feeling abandoned. At the same time they are keen on physical contact and for me it way too early to engage in some form of physical contact. If I were to set boundaries like described in the video, I would probably lose the relationship while I like this person and would like thing to go on. Is there a measure of being radical with boundaries?

Also, I sometimes find I can be in any situation and be fine with it. I don’t have to constantly get in touch with my body because my body is not separate from the environment. I didn’t come into this world, i came out of it. Im part of it. By constantly checking in seems fearful of the environment in some way and not a way to live maybe… I guess people, situations or the environment doesn’t impact me maybe as much as others. Some situations kinda bother me, but not where I feel anger or resentment! I live with the world and not in my body/feelings maybe and maybe being male is different as well in that regard as I’m not living in my feelings…feel like this video is for females primarily??

Great content, as always! But what do you do when your body tells you to set a boundary with somebody (avoid any contact) but doing so would mean badly hurting another person you love? To put it clearly, I’m finding gatherings with my husband’s parents and sister very disregulating. To a point that I get really anxious just thinking about them. We have very different lifestyles and they always let me know, explicitly or not, that what I am doing is wrong (not using a pram and pacifier with our daughter, not eating meat, preferring herbal remedies to conventional medicine etc) No matter how much I try to avoid provoking controversial discussions and bite my tongue, they are still provoked by my mere presence and show it subtly. Which in turn reminds me of my own family growing up ( with them I’m in almost no contact now). Problem is that my husband puts great value in his family, though they treat him poorly too (uses avoidant strategies to not even notice most of the time). And he has internalised that as spouses we must visit them together. If not, it is a failure of his. And that he must be always the one to forgive and forget any mistreat as I quote “my parents won’t change and I don’t want to regret being cold to them in their last years of life”. He really suffers from this sense of being responsible for the entirety of their relationship. So I’m getting quite desperate as to how to protect my feelings without burdening our marriage at a point that it isn’t too stable anyway. Just for context, I struggle a lot to communicate my emotions to his family as in my own it was best to keep it inside and get as distant as possible. Besides talking it out really isn’t something anybody in the family does - they just ignore problems, then have a huge argument, go silent for a month or two and then pretend nothing ever happened. No apology whatsoever, so there is much resentment built up in all parties.

I have a question. I am new to your channel and it has so far been the very best information I have found. I think my attachment style according to your other video is fearful avoidant because I can identify all of the symptoms that you have listed for that atyle. My question is that you don't mention the other styles called dismissive or disorganized attachment (or maybe you have mentioned them but I haven't noticed yet). You say there is only the 4 attachment styles so is the dismissive and disorganized attachment styles that I have read about elsewhere meant to be just called fearful avoidant? Or are they separate attachment styles in and of themselves according to other theories?

I love the body consciousness practice for learning about boundaries. But I'm honestly confused about how this can help me in practice regarding commirments we have. From anything as small as a plan to hang out with a friend to something as big as a 9-5 job or a kid. If my body says no, I cancel my plans and then my friend is suddenly left on her own on a Saturday night. Not to mention my body telling me no, I'm not going to work right now or I don't wanna make dinner for these kids. I think it's important to talk about this in these discussions. Full disclosure, I kind of suck at defending my boundaries, but I'm way better than I was before.

the universal rule is awesome, yet however, it is hard when you overreact! You can't set boundary to every your emotional reaction after all.

Can a boundary change in a new relationship that seems safe but did not in the previous relationship? Or should that boundary stay consistent from one relationship to the next?

trauma made me set boundries in my owm head. avoid being hit again so dont ever speak up or look him in the eye. that's not allowed, i'm not allowed. my own walls meant to protect wrre turned into my prison

When people don't care that you set boundaries and then try to fight with you to get access to your body. What do you do then? This is a question not many can seem to answer for me. The only answer is, fight back, because there is no other option.

My therapist recently started giving me similar guidelines about me needing to set clearer boundaries with people. I still don't know exactly what the answer for me is though, since I've been getting annoyed with people VERY easily lately. If it were completely up to me, about 95% of my day would be spent in complete solitude without my family or friends interacting with me whatsoever. And that doesn't sound too healthy either.

What if the person is really nice and you had a goo, deep conversation but you were tense the whole time? And then you agree to meet again, but have a stomach ache every time you think about it? My body says I don't want to see this person again or write with him, but I'm not sure why. What if it has something to do with trauma experiences and nothing with the person? Is it still right to say that you don't want to meet this person again, even though they are nice and you've had good conversations? Maybe you're missing out on a good friendship because you're letting your fears guide you? By the way, my body is currently reacting with heartburn and dizziness about what i write. I'm really unsure about this topic. How I trust my body's reactions when there are so many unconscious mechanisms at play that have to do with cptbs....

How do we adapt this if we have chronic pain and other physical symptoms from a medical condition? I have such a high baseline of physical sensation that I find it impossible to discern what my body is feeling that is emotion. Besides severe neuropathy in arms and legs, I might have a tightening or pain in my throat, in my chest, my heartrate might increase or decrease, all as part of a medical condition. I'm middle-aged but realize I've never known how to identify real emotion in this way, but wonder if it's actually possible now with my body constantly "yelling," and this is only when I'm current on my meds (if I'm not I'm laid out just trying to recover). I feel its critical for my marriage, but might also not be possible.

What about if you struggle to be there for your partner if they are grieving a death in the family? Like in your body you don't "want" to be there for them (because grief and death sucks) but you do feel that being there for them is important to maintain the relationship... How can you deal with this?

Yet, there are situations when these things can't be adjusted to? Like somebody might despise some parts of their work and yet in order to do the parts that they like, you will have to do the whole package. No matter what your body sometimes tells you. Also anxiety could prevent you from doing literally anything. Including some things that you describe in relationships. Where do you draw the line?

Hey, i don't like serial killing... I'm completely laughing out loud OMG hahaha