if your child is old enough to understand reason, then be calm and use reason. if your child is too young to understand reason, then they won't understand why you are hitting them.

I wish more people would make the analogy that hitting your spouse is not ok, but somehow hitting a child is.

"I got hit and I turned out okay" The fact that you think hitting your child is fine and good is evidence that you are not okay. An effect of abuse is thinking that abuse is normal.

A lot of Christians use the verse about "spare the rod, spoil the child." But just before that in the Bible, the Bible says the rod is used like a rod for the sheep. Does the shepherd beat the sheep? Absolutely not! It's to guide them where they need to go. They valued the sheep because that was their wealth and their livelihood. They dare not hurt them at any extent. So the rod here for children is the rod of guidance, not violence.

When someone says that they were hit as a child and they turned out okay, remind them that they turned out okay "in spite of" not "because of."

Last night after losing my MIND screaming at my 9 yr old for not listening for the 100th time, I found myself fighting the urge to spank the crap out of her. It made me sad. I hate yelling and losing my temper. It makes me feel bad. I was in tears googling what to do and came across a gentle parenting page that shared this video. I fell asleep watching it last night so I was it this morning. Twice. My children are 2, 4 & 9 and while I don't spank my youngest children, my 4 yr old will cringe as if he's terrified of being spanked. I cried watching this. It made me realize that there is already a real fear in him of being hit... regardless of the fact that it hasn't yet happened. I feel like I am capable of so much better and this video really hit home for me.

We do not own our children

Seldom do I comment, but I feel I have to let myself out at this time. My mother used to beat the hell out of me, pushing me, slap my face for dozens of times, hit me with whatever handy. She did this frequently from as young as I could remember till I go to college. Now she thinks it's no big deal, and I'm ungrateful. Now I'm an adult, living in another country. I want to spread my arms and hug each and every child abuse survivors. We will be ok.

Physical abuse fucks with your natural healthy breathing. When you know you're about to be hit by someone, your breathing becomes shallow because deep breaths amplify body sensations. I struggle with this every day - it's very hard even at the fairly young age of 22 to undo so many years of stressed out breathing. It's also very hard to relax the jaw - your jaw clenches when you know you're about to be hit, which also constricts breathing. Constant jaw tension creates imbalances in the neck muscles, which in turn create pain, soreness, and even more stress. The muscles around the pelvis and the lower abdominals aid in deep breathing. By discouraging deep breathing in your child, you're discouraging them from developing those very important muscles which are responsible for sexual vitality and good posture. There are SO many layers to this shit....bottom line is that it's evil to hit someone not out of self-defense, it's even more evil to hit someone who's much smaller than you, and it's even more evil to hit someone who's much smaller than you AND depedent on you for survival.

Look into positive discipline. Its basically how to teach your children how to regulate their emotions. Like instead of having your child go into a corner for time out, you have them do something that you know will calm them down. For my kids it having me read to them. That way they can calm down a bit and more importantly YOU can calm down. Then you talk about what was making them upset. Eventually you'll notice that your children are becoming calmer and handle stress better. Of course its not a cure to make your children behave all the time. That's something we have to get over as parents, our children are not robots that we can program to act the way we want.

We need more (TED) talks on these topics. Childhood experiences forms us how we are later in life. I scored 7. Thats why i decided not to have kids. Life is hard enough. Don't want to make the same mistakes.

The best course of action with a child is to remain calm. Guide them. Avoid yelling and never hit them.

My ACE score is 8 There was a hole in the wall the shape of my sister, but it was ok because she was "a problem child". My dad had a blunt (I can't spell this,but it's one of those pointy things nights stabbed people with) hanging on the wall, we tryed to go as long as wee could before he took it down to hit us with it. My step dad hit us with his belt when we were talking after bed time. He once pushed my head into a bowl of cereal Becuse I wasn't paying attention to him. My mum left big red handprints on our backs and bottoms. I was always afraid. My "problem child" sister, grew up to be abusive, throwing things, hitting me, anything she could do to get her way, to be in control. At least 2 of my sisters have wanted to kill themselfs at one point in their lives, not including me. To this day I flinch when someone raises their hand, when something moves unexpectedly. Every little noise makes me jump. When someone yells, I curl up into a ball, hands over my ears, eyes shut, just waiting. Because I was taught that when people start yelling, someone is going to get hurt. Now, tell me that's ok. tell me that's just tough love. tell me it was supposed to make me stronger. Tell me that I'm the problem.

You are soooo right. I am from Colombia and had lived here my whole life. Since this is a country where poverty and poor education strikes most of the population, this problem is huge. But what saddens me most is that even people with higher education also think that spanking is not a big deal.They are proud that their mother hitted them with a "chancleta" (flipflop) because it made them good, respectable grwon ups. I have a 7 year old and not once have I hitted or humiliated him in any way, and he is such a good, respectful, empathic boy. NEVER, under any circumstance, hit or humiliate your children, they respond better to love than to violence as we all do.

My dad used to hit me when I was very small. He stopped when I was around 6, but I still have vague memories and flinch when someone playfully hits me and scare very easily. He jokes about how he used to hit me all the time too. Just because they're little doesn't mean they won't know it happened of he effected.

This lady, She speaks truth. I honor her ability to say what some teens try to tell their parents who still "spank" them.

If you really think about it logically, "spanking" is such a bizarre idea. It means that in our society you can use physical violence to control a person if they're small but as soon as they're 18 that same action gets a new name "Domestic violence. Battering. Abuse." In other words it's legal as long as the victim is too young to defend themselves. It's legal as long as the victim is too young to verbalize the lasting damage it's causing inside of them, where the bruises don't show... I still remember the unjust spankings I got as a child. Even then I knew they were unnecessary, lazy and cruel. Corporal punishment didn't teach me to be good. It just convinced me that my family didn't really care about me. I always wondered why they wouldn't just take the time to get to know me instead of just blindly attacking the minute I did something they perceived to be "wrong." If they knew me even a little they'd know it was never necessary to hit me. I was such a pushover. You could just look at me harshly and I'd learn my lesson and never do that "bad" thing again. But they didn't know that because they "didn't have time" to learn. Actually let's be honest. Plenty of times the spanking wasn't really about me at all. It was a result of their frustration. It felt good to hit me so they did it.It relieved their stress. It felt satisfying to punish. Satisfying to hit a defenseless little girl who trusted you. Believed in you. Needed you. So you did.

I'm 19 and I can't leave my house. I sleep with furniture pushed against my door. I'm ashamed of needing to eat, I'm scared of looking feminine even though I identify as being female, I have panic attacks around men. I'm at university and I'm barely passing because I can't concentrate for long on anything before I dissociate or start hearing my father's voice in my head. I feel as though I've escaped the prison of being a helpless child, only to become trapped in an elaborately predestined labyrinth of fear. Don't beat your children. Love them, or ruin their lives.

I was brutally beaten up as a child and wound up running away from home 11 years ago. I'm on long-term anti-depressants... I wish it never happened, because I used to be a smart kid. Straight A's. After the onset of depression, I deteriorated mentally. I don't have the time/money to get a degree. Tired all the time and often suicidal. Struggling to survive everyday.

i knew it, i feel like i was led here by divine providence, i just finished tutoring a girl whom i could tell was having difficulty regulating, she was smart but kept getting all the answers wrong because she was pushing herself over to unrealistic answers in math, i was getting stressed out by the constant feeling of being so close to the answer, only to end up with an answer that was "so far away", so i knew something was up and i came to do research. In my country Nigeria, domestic violence is normal, condoned and encouraged, but it kills the creativity of the young people, makes them conformists who just do what they are told without a thought, those who cannot adjust to the system and look for creative ways to cheat it are treated as bad eggs in a bunch, i feel called to end it and preserve their ability to think clearly but it is overwhelming task, a lot of young people are already damaged.

Hurt people hurt people.

My brother, who was familiar with being hit, would say to my mother: "He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument." (Chinese Proverb) We don't need to outlaw spanking, we need to give parents more ideas. (If empathy or compassion are ideas.)

that's why when I hear that crap that our days people were more respectful it was fear

This is so fundamentally important and not talked about enough.

My father spanked me twice when I was young. But he also gave my stepmother permission to slap me across the face for "being fresh." She slapped me multiple times until I was probably 15 or 16. Her parents smacked her when she was growing up. Her mother even said to her "you're not too old for me to whup you" when she was FORTY. I can't speak for mom's issues but I've suffered from major depressive disorder and severe anxiety for most of my life. The science is sound, why do people think it's still okay to hit their kids?

Robbyn you are awesome! Finally someone who pointed out the elephant in the room! I think the study on the correlation between brain damage and physical disipline from 0 to 3 years old is the most important one. *"once I was inside of his world , I never hit him again"*

Previous to watching this and reading an article that linked this I was entirely pro spanking. And this is even taking into account that I was physically abused past that. But now a lot of things make more sense. I am genuinely impressed that My view has been changed after all these years.

Brilliant talk, it would only take one or two generations to change so much.

If you use violence against your kids to get them to do what you want, don't be surprised when you see them do the same to others.

I scored a 10. In a sense, I am jack. I need to work out just to try to be calm. My emotions some times feel inescapable, and my apathy and despair overwhelming. I wish more people were aware of what spanking does, and ACT to stop it in response.

I love the way she speaks. Such a gentle way of talking, and just by the way of her speech she seems so affectionate and genuine.

So fucking true. When I was a kid my mom would hit me when I did something wrong and I thought that was normal. So, when my younger sister did something wrong I would hit her because I was mad and I thought she deserved it. That it was normal. Now, as a teenager, I know it was wrong and I deeply regret it and do my best to stop my sister from getting hit by my mom.

Is anyone else tearing up or is it just me?

This video vividly reminds me of the hell I went through at the hands of my father. With what he put me through, I would take a spanking any day. If it wasn't bolted down, it was thrown at me, or he'd beat me with his bare hands and kick me. He even spat on me several times and used all manner of foul language at me. My blood's been boiling since I was a kid, and the fact that I'm in my mid 40's now and haven't exploded at him and caused him serious physical harm is nothing short of a miracle. I long for the day when I can cut the ties with him completely and no longer have to deal with him. To say I hate him would barely be scratching the surface. Burning in hell would be too good for him. He deserves a fate much worse.

I was spanked by both my mother and father. My mother liked to use a paddle and my dad would use a belt. Spanking was allowed in school all the way up to the 7th grade then it was outlawed. I have never spanked my children. I have had to physically restrain my wife from spanking our children. She was badly abuse as a child. I think it is the worst thing you can do to a child. Imagine the person who is supposed to love you and take care of you the most beating you. That is what it is. Violence. My oldest is now 22 and married and about to have a baby. I have tried to instill in both her and my son in law that spanking is not going to be tolerated by me. My youngest is 14 and has many problems related to our divorce and the bad treatment she gets from her mother.

I didn't grow up in a physical abusive household, & I was never spanked. Though I did grow up in an emotionally abusive household. I remember always thinking I did something wrong as a child, & asking my mom to hit me since I was "Bad". She never did, except in high school when I became depressed, that's when she started hitting me with frying pans & other objects, which of course made it worse. I still deal with issues of thinking I'm the cause of other peoples issues, even when I have nothing to do with it. Edit: Though I was physically abused by my older sister as a child. She used to do things like stick needles in me, & punch me until I couldn't stand. She said at the time it was because she loved me, that she was only person to give me attention, but really she admitted later on it was because she hated me & wanted to be an only child.

For the people defending spanking: you say if it's not really painful and the child knows it did something wrong, then it's okay. Children act irrational at times and need to learn how to behave. Now: we, adults, often behave irrational and idiotic, especially when we're at home, because at work we have to behave. If you, a grown adult, behave irrational towards your wife or husband (we are all moody sometimes), would it be okay if they spanked you? After all, you know even better know, why you are being spanked and it doesn't hurt anyways. Most would answer, no that's not okay. Then tell me: what's the difference between our tantrums and children tantrums? Children don't always understand that they did something wrong, but we as adults do, so it would even be more appropriate to spank us than the children (by the logic that the one being spanked understands their wrong-doing). But most would disagree. Why is that? Do children have less worth than adults? Why do you think hitting children is okay when they do mistakes and when adults do it's not?

Spanking has also, in some cases, caused early onset of spinal arthritis and other lumbar or sacral issues. Those are tender, forming vertebrate and spinal disks being subjected to the jolt an adult's strength can deliver to the child's backside, even if you are hitting their rear the reverberations from that jolt can still effect the spine. Those repeated jolts to those fragile, forming bones can cause minor damage. Well, minor at the time but as the body grows and those vertebrate have more strain (due to the weight that occurs as a child's body matures) those small little flaws caused by the impact of spanking can become more serious issues. Think about it, if you have back pain in the lower back that you can't figure out the cause of, were you spanked? If so, it may have been a factor in weakening your lower back and thus opening the door for those issues to show up, or at least show up earlier. What's done to forming bones and tissues, even if it seems like a small thing, can impact life later on.

A refreshing talk as this is one of the reasons why both men and women end up being victims or abusers in domestic violence. It's a generational issue rather than a gender issue.

"My Granddaughter" Girl you look like 25 how is that even possible

If you're a parent, then you basically just have one real main task in life and that's to ensure the safety of your children. You can't hit your child and expect to be considered a good parent. A good parent won't ever attempt to damage a child's psyche by making it feel unsafe through subjecting it to violence. It's time people realized all violence is barbaric.

All my childhood I didin`t understand why my parents decided to get a baby (me) if they hated me so much. I just couldn`t understund for what sins I was born. Ar the age of 5 I thought that my parents were demons in disguise and the main point of their every interaction with me was to make me kill myself. I gues, that was my defence mehanism. Cause though I realy wanted to die, I did`nt want these demons to win.

My parents were violent, especially my drunk father, a cop. I lived in fear and was very nervous, walking on eggshells all the time, and suffering from depression. As a teenager I was suicidal. Therefore I did not spank my children. They are all grown up now and are wonderful parents themselves. It is strange, tho, that when they were in Catholic school, they were hit by teachers. My husband and I pulled them out, moved, and put them in a public school where hitting was not allowed.

This is amazing! I'm so glad that both my husband and I listened to our guts and refuse to hit our son. Keep speaking the truth!

Beautiful talk. It's a flawed agreement that without spanking, kids are undisciplined. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Be consistent. Don't raise your voice. My baby just turned 2 and it seemed like the tantrums ramped up on his birthday. But he's testing to see what works to get his way. I've never given in to tantrums so they are short lived. Throwing puzzle pieces just means he has to pick them up afterward. If he wants to get out of his chair at mealtime because he's finished but no one else is, he's told that everyone else is still eating and he should wait. And because he has never gotten his way with me, he listens and waits. he's always a model child in restaurants and always gets complimented. If he tries to get what he wants by fussing or grunting I ask him to tell me what he wants. Sometimes he doesn't want to, but I wait until he asks calmly and says "please". I just don't reward any bad behavior but am quick to reward good behavior. About 8 months ago, when he learned he got a reaction when he bit me, he got a 60 second time out in the play pen (that we never use). It failed the first time because there were toys in it, but the second time, a few minutes later, when it was empty, he figured it out. And hasn't bit me since. He is a joy and brings blessings every minute of every day. Maybe I'm just blessed to have a baby that is so agreeable he reminds ME when it's nap time (lol my parents drink a glass of red wine every night and when we visit, my baby ALSO announces that it's "wine time" at the right time every evening), and seems to want more than anything to please me. But I really think people think there is a problem with a lack of spanking when really, it's a problem with lack of consistency and timing.

This is so helpful. I'm teaching in a Japanese nursery school (0-6) I knew that "bad" behaviour is caused by home life. I need all the tips for "jack". Japan is pretty bad for neglect as well. Theres hitting of kids but also parents will just leave them alone, by themselves. Screaming.

About ten years ago I started remembering my childhood (I had blocked it out) and I was surprised to have so many memories younger than 3 where everything I did was dictated by my fear of my parents. I don't know if I ever made choices as a kid without first making sure it fit my parents' very strict idea of what is right because I was afraid of them. Frankly, I'm still afraid of them on that level. So many adults think kids will forget and it won't matter but it does so, so much!

True story: I stole some chocolate chips from my family's pantry one time. My mother had me put my hands at the center of her queen sized bed, had me pull my pants down, and then she hit me with my father's weight lifting belt. I was 8. It took me about 20 years to realize that it was abuse.

Spanking a kid isn't going to teach them to behave, if anything it'll just make them scared of you. The reason they stop acting up is because they're scared not because they know how to behave. It's scary if you're being hit by someone twice your size and much older than you

Great talk! The speaker sharing her story of her son and spanking makes this talk really powerful.

That is one smart woman.

brilliant talk, thank you so much you are on the right side of history Robbyn!

Not only PTSD is found in children, but it can also cause OCD as well, how I know that because the worst way is to also understand that OCD from bad parental patterns is from parental anger and that we also remember the importance of why parents need to learn to get along with the spouses to show the children the importance of getting along with others. It all starts from home is why criminals are criminals because 90% are from home.

Let him feel just how much we really love being with him.

Im thankful for the presence of people like you, people who want to end this viscious cycle of violence that is going on in the world and rip its roots out, bc yes hitting kids at home is its root

i think this talk just changed my life.

I will share this on my blog this week. I had a 'run in' with a couple of high school acquaintances who advocated spanking. I un-friended them. This video makes me want to confront them but I know it is so ungodly difficult to make ignorant generational influenced tyrants see the light. But, I'll try, now!

It's so refreshing to see so many people commenting to say they understand the damage hitting kids does. It gives me hope for the future! Thanks guys :)

my grandmother and grandfather smacked me on the hand, flicked me, or put me in time out. my father would chase me around the table with a knife, and he tried to burn my hands on a stove. in my case my grandparents disciplined me, my father was abusive.

Reach out for help. Find ways not to be violent with your children. That only makes them violent . This is everyone's problem. Let's fix it now

My ACE score is 6, apparently. I hate the fact that I've grown up around so much negativity... children should NEVER have to go through anything like what I grew up with... I found my third grade journal recently, and it shocked me. My little third grade self would write about my mother's drinking, my parent's divorce, my being beaten by my cousin... it was depressing.

Does anyone know which study she's talking about that shows that the amount of times a child is hit shows a direct correlation with their amount of binge drinking during their later adolescence? I'd really like to see that one.

I had 3 failed suicide attempts in middle school. 6 years of bipolar disorder and severe depression. Trust me, violence isn't the be-all and end-all. What your parents did to you never justifies what you're putting your kids through.

This was a profoundly gentle but powerful presentation!!! Thanks so much for the insight!

Robbyn! Way to go! Fantastic! Love it! Sharing it all over the place. You are wonderful. Thank you!

A powerful presentation - THANK YOU Robbyn Peters Bennett! sharing this to FB with my community full of teachers, home-schooling parents, drum circle facilitators (who work a great deal in schools), and parents! THANK YOU!!

Violence is a primitive practice should not be used on anyone.

Thank you very much for teaching others.

This was a great Tedx Talk. Very inspiring.

Thank you for giving such a beautiful, important and heartfelt talk. I hope it touches parents in the way you want it to.

I've been growing up under a strict gospel household full of violence imposed on us kids, especially me, and I'm scarred for life because of this inhumane practice. Over the years, I've been helping out depressed people with suicide tendencies and found that 90% had been under the vice atleast once in their life. Parents who married late would rather look to or hear from previously married couples on how to drive their children and 90% of the said advisers don't have any formula or structured studies to really offer which often leads to a deep unspoken peril of the children who got the end of the stick. It started around the age of seven when I got the first stick, then it grew and grew to the point where I got slapped, punched, kneed, tied, batoned and concussed till the age of fifteen when I vowed to hit back since I knew damn well something is just isn't right, no matter how much they laid the hands on my head and prayed to exorcise their supposed evils at the same time. I never hit back or anything but I wouldn't give into the dark sessions anymore being forced to sleep under the bed on cement floor, toilet, reversed hog tied, etc all in the name of supposed love written in the Bible which is intrepretted in such a farce manner, the worst radicalized passage of them all. And especially hitting teenage years and seeing friends chatting with their parents, laughing, doing fun activities together and all is just phoney to even attempt when the scars are still livid being cursed, demeaned, blamed and titled as the worst kid ever for almost a decade of growing up that I had to stay away the past 12 years trying to undo the damage since I just couldn't imagine having kids and them to ever endure even a single session of those days for the life of me. But now, it's a bit easier like for the past five years or so that I got to talk to my parents about those hard times which they wouldn't dare bring it up again for the future reunion which starts this Christmas 🎅 and believe me, we all learned and it's heaven compared to the hellacious memories of a broken and vulnerable childhood. So, in closing, I'd suggest any of you or your love ones to never indulge in that proverbial rod of love because we're human and we are made to be able to communicate without a cattle prod, especially when the wrong doers have every intention to justify it as religion, culture or norms, since it deffo ain't. It is as bad and much worst than men beating on their wives because the sickness grows worst each incidents if nothing is done to neutralized it. You might wanna assume it as the reason of your successes but deep down inside, it will always haunt you when you look back life to go forward happy until and unless you confront the blackened memories, accept and learn to forgive them. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone and please make a change of light in this gloomy world of innuendos and God bless you all 👍

I want this awesome lady as my therapist.

If I showed this to my parents they would just ignore it most likely

I was never spanked. Just yelled at like no tomorrow for every single thing. It was twice as scarry as being spanked because it lasted longer and parents usually didn't want to talk to me after. But one day I asked them: "Why don't you just spank me instead of yelling? I preffer that." Then it stopped. Now I have an amazing relationship with both of them.

Thank you. This is such an important message.

A wise and heartfelt TED talk, Thank you very much for teaching others.

She didn't mention verbal abuse/threats and neglect (which produces the worst results). Threatening children with hell (worse than a death threat) is just as bad as physical aggression. Also, how the hell can someone be anti spanking but pro war??? Why do you think he joined the military? She also said that parents say "we did the best we could" and she agrees. Bullshit! How many parenting books did these parents read? How many hours did they spend with a good therapist to work on their issues before having children?

Thank you for you work, and standing up for not only our children, but all of society, because children are always learning how to be adults. Giving them the understanding and education they need to become happy healthy adults is the responsibility of all :)

This just broke my heart

The worst possible thing I could imagine so far in regards to this is when a punishment is delivered with no warning,cause or explanation as to why the action was wrong or intolerable. 😦

Thank you, Robbyn.

Thank you! I shared on my FB page Human Eclectic Learning Program, I have seen this first hand and chose a different path for my son. Spanking serves absolutely no good purpose!

when the person you look up to the most , hits you on regular basis and you can't remember what you've done... it causes you to be the quiet kid in class, because you don't know what to say to people or how to make friends. you grow up to be a hermit who deep down inside is an extrovert. thx dad

I've been spanked and it's a horrible experience and it did not teach me anything it did teach me one thing to be scared of my parents

I couldn't agree more. How do people think their children will learn to communicate their feelings when they use spanking.

Excellent Ted Talk. One that everyone should see.

I know a child who used to get spanked and she was going to kill herself because her parent beat her and hurt her emotional , instead she tried to sue them , however she just end up leave them to live with a relative and the parent aren't in jail because of the debate that spanking is a form of discipline. Now they're not allow to hit , but still hurt emotionally

thank you so much oh my god

I love this! I used to think spanking was normal since that's the way I grew up. Once I gave birth to my daughter it all changed...

Very good. Worth listening to several times. Quite substantial guidance.

I want to sleep forever, but my narcissistic sister keeps waking me up. She threatens to hit me with a bat while I'm trying to sleep, and annoys me.

I was reminded about this Jerry Lewis interview where he feels so right about spanking his son … and my helplessness confronted with this beloved celebrity's error. I'll search it out again now, and post a link to this speech as comment! Just to give viewers food to think. All the little stones we can contribute will make a nice big house for all of us in the future!

Being hit as a child taught me that violence was the only way to solve problems. This led me to get into fights frequently. Fights which I was punished for when I got home.

Your voice is so calming and nice

I was spanked during childhood but was also shown love and support in equal measure so it didnt affect me thank goodness. I'm happy and successful. Important message madam, I see this in the children that I teach x

I love her.

I watched this video twice today. It really spoke to me and helped me to understand a lot of my life long issues. To me, everything this lady said was spot on. I was spanked as a child by my mom and step dad and it fueled aggression in me when I got older and led to binge drinking, pill popping and the inability to have meaningful relationships with people. I'm doing a little better now and I have a nice boyfriend, but I can't hold a regular job because I flip out when men yell at me. Instead I have to work as an independent contractor. It sucks being like this and feeling damaged. But at least I'm starting to understand more about why I'm like this. I'm sorry but some of these people who think we should be smacking our kids more, don't understand the lasting impact child abuse has. This speaker really nailed it.

Awesome speech

The heaviest binge drinker I once knew grew up in a household where she and her siblings were told to go outside and get a stick to use as a switch for minor infractions - and saw nothing wrong with planning to raise their own children that way. The correlation was eye-opening for me.

Man that last part slayed me. I don't hit my kids but I could definitely spend more time being present. I hate that anyone hits children.