hey katie! i have a question for you. i’ve been diagnosed with adhd and depression (which is not a good combo) my adhd seems to make my depression worse because once i start to feel sad, it’s all i can think about and my mind starts going crazy with bad thoughts. is this normal? how can i calm myself down during these episodes? #katifaq

What did Netflix do to you?

same

Literally same

Same, I have bpd and it’s getting me by till dbt

Ohginger Snap yesssss! They help get me through the week. :)

Yess lol

Yes, and I've even used them on the verge of crisis to sorta help talk me down back into a rational mindset.

I'm still on a waiting list for therapy so this and my workbook is my therapy for now.

Ginger Snapped I do 🤣🤣

This defiantly is true! I believe my BPD was developed due to growing up with a narcissist father. Emotional abuse was a huge factor to my BPD. I also have a grandmother with BPD that has always let it go untreated so hers was very severe while my mother was growing up. So I believe for me it was a mixture or genes and emotional abuse

I have a friend with BPD and from what she has described her parents sounds like some kind of narcissism was present.

Abuse and neglect as a child

My dad has NPD too. He mentally abused me since age of 12 and ever since child I saw my mom being physically abused

My dad emotionally abused me bad for years and I think I developed borderline personality disorder

Awe thanks!! I think it's my new face powder.. or maybe the vacation did some good! haha!! But I'll take it! xoxo

I'm only 15 seconds in and I thought "Wow, Kati looks amazing. She looks so happy and bright. Did she get a haircut?" Whatever it is, I hope you're feeling well.

I think it's because the sweater compliments her skin tone? Also her haircut

Maybe she has been working out.

I was like WOW but couldn't put my finger on it!

Cryotics 💗💗💗

Thanks! Needed to hear that 😊

💖💖💖

Hi could I ask you a few questions?:)

Ask them! :)

Had 2 sadists for parents Was strong enough not to succumb Developed nothing but extremely tough skin and strong confidence Dated 2 BPDs for a very short time; nightmares

@@lockandloadlikehell Hhmmnn ... with a handle like "lockandloadlikehell" you're still gonna assert that you "developed nothing"? Perhaps you're telling us more than you realize.

@Desmond Brown go get divorced or stay and accept

@@1thomson Oh this is a wonderful comment... I was thinking the same thing... XD

It's a child's brain in development that gets damaged through the years. So a very natural process. About 75 percent of the human population deal with trauma, but a smaller part will confront and seek help to process this pain.

Yikes, thats sad and discouraging

I've been told the same!

Dr. Daniel Fox is also very encouraging.

Awe xoxo

@@Katimorton I remember watching your video on bdp 7 years ago, I was just rediagnosed with BPD and I instantly knew what it was. thank you the gift of knowledge and acceptance :)

Thank you for sharing!! And yes! Bullying and/or abusive relationships can lead to BPD as well. xoxo

Im pretty sure that's how I got it too.

I think is how I developed mine too I've dealt with neglect, kidnapping and tons of abuse. I don't think people realize where these disorders truly stem from.

Thank for sharing and mentioning causes other than neglectful or abusive parenting. So many of these videos on BPD claim that there is ONLY ONE cause...”you must have had a narcissistic parent or parents. Many parents of BPD sufferers are getting a very unfair rap. My daughter was diagnosed with BPD in 2012. My husband died tragically before she was born, so I raised her by myself. I always treasured her as a gift from God, since after many fertility treatments, including multiple surgeries, I was told that we probably wouldn’t have children. I learned that I was pregnant just 1 month before my husband died. So I treasured this little girl who came into my life. She was everything that I ever wanted... to be a Mom and have a family. All indications were that we had a very close relationship until she left for college. We hardly ever even said a cross word to each other. I used to brag to friends and family about how lucky I was to have such a well-behaved child. She never gave me any problems or trouble even in her teenage years (although I do recall some doozie temper tantrums when she was going through the “terrible 2’s.” I had to physically hug/hold her to keep her from hurting herself!) But nothing after that until she left for college. She chose to go to a top-rated, big-name college that was actually in our hometown, so she was only 15-20 mins away. But she seemed to fall apart once she was there. My first indicator was when I was contacted by my cousin to go to the local ER because my daughter was there and was saying that she felt suicidal! Shortly after, she was diagnosed with BPD, which even as a healthcare professional, I had never heard of. I immediately started researching it. I’ve spoken to several counselors/therapists, all of whom told me that BPD was NOT always caused by abusive/neglectful parenting; that there were other causes as well, including a genetic component. These same therapists also mentioned that this “abusive parenting as the sole cause” was an outdated theory. They compared it to the days of when initially doctors/psychiatrists used to blame things like ADHD and autism on “bad parenting.” And they reminded me of how back in the 80s and 90s MANY behavioral issues in children were blamed on “the latch-key child effect,” when mothers started entering the workforce in large numbers out of economic necessity. It was a very misogynistic accusation against mothers...a backlash, if you will for their having the audacity to enter the workforce. As someone who has been researching the phenomenon of brain injury from vaccines for the last 8 years, I’ve also read the stories of mothers and parents who were initially blamed for their child’s injury, only to later discover that they were brain-injured by a vaccine. So our allopathic medical system and our system of psychiatric care have a well documented history of first blaming parents for that which they don’t fully yet understand. Also, I’ve seen male doctors treat women with real physical symptoms as if they were “hysterics” simply because the Dr didn’t know/understand the underlying cause. My own mother was treated this way by an OB/GYN who wanted to prescribe Valium for what turned out to be a severe case of endometriosis that required a hysterectomy. He apologized to her after the surgery. So anyway, I just wanted to point out this well documented history of our medical system of blaming and shaming parents or even patients themselves for issues that are not fully understood. In the case of my daughter and myself, sadly she has connected with a therapist who subscribes to the theory that “you MUST have had an abusive/narcissistic parent. That is the ONLY cause of BPD.” So now my daughter has been convinced that she needs to sever all contact with me, which saddens me greatly. She’s also been doing some triangulating with other family members, so has damaged my reputation with them. I’ve also witnessed the “splitting” behavior...in which she believes that a person is “all good, or all bad.” For the last 9 months she has believed that I am “all bad.” It’s frustrating and heartbreaking, but I am giving her the “space” that she says that she needs to heal. I hope that one day she might find a therapist that recognizes the MULTIPLE causes of BPD, and I hope that one day she’ll remember the close and very good relationship that we once had. Until then, all I can do is try and be supportive from a distance. But THANK YOU so much for acknowledging that there are indeed multiple causes and that “abusive parenting” is not always a given in BPD. The “abusive parenting” label is one that cause a lot of emotional damage when it is applied inappropriately. It also can sometimes inhibit parents from reaching out to find help/seek answers if they’re afraid that they will be slapped with this label. I know that it made me question my reality for a period of time before I was finally told that it’s not ALWAYS the cause or the case.

When I was a teenager, you name it. Almost every person I had a interaction with put me down/ bullied me, I wouldn't say I was abused but every friend, teacher and even my parents never had nice things to say to me or about me (as a teenager I didn't do anything wrong. Good grades, good behaviour , didn't do drugs, didn't act out at all) I was never sexually abused, I was never even physically abused but being bullied for a decent amount of time really makes you think, "what's wrong with me" now I'm 21 and I don't tolerate anyone putting me down or even belittling me, because I never stood up for myself as a kid and now I'm in extra defense mode at all times. It might come across as NPD traits but I'm not delusional, I don't see myself as better than anyone but if you want to say bad things about me it better be true or else I will fight about it. And that's pretty much how I got the BPD diagnosis, because I split on a daily basis, i meet new people and as soon as they come off as bitchy or assholish in nature I don't interact with that person ever again, even going so far as to curving my daily routine to avoid them, if they talk to me i will purposely make it clear that I have no interest which makes me look like a prick. I don't need to explain to people why I won't talk to them they should be aware and figure it out themselves. Also the extreme mood swings I have when I come into conflict, which can always be avoided by not saying anything but I always stand my ground and make it worst for myself and others. Reckless behaviours like having a eating disorder, because people can't hate you for no reason if you look good and doing drugs because it's draining being in a bad mood constantly. I have plenty of close friends who understand where I'm coming from and I love them but every boyfriend I've had has been chaotic, not because they're abusive but they take advantage of how giving and nice I am and eventually I have to cut it all off or else I do become abusive. My first boyfriend I ever had, I gave him PTSD because when I cut everything off he tried to chat up one of my friends friends, and I rocked up to his house drunk and beat him up. Purely just the lack of common respect made me go off the rails. Things I've learnt from BPD, not everyone is a good person, even if they are. Not everyone is a bad person even if they are and if someone targets you it's because you have something they don't have and they're jealous/ they're a energy vampire. Took me so long to learn that but the things I struggle with the most would be having to interact with shitty people, you don't even have to be a bad person, you just have to show me within a few conversations that you're willing to drag other people's name and be a idiot and I will instantly hate you. BPD is a rollercoaster

thank you....invalidating environments and emotional abuse as well abandonment.

@@kaiikaika512 ummmmmmmmm, just no

I have heard of someone who had it because their parents had it.

@@kazkilos Yes, it can be passed through genetics.

haven't we all experienced trauma in one form or another??

Amy Holley hope you're doing better. i too struggle with this. even on my best days, ONE thing can ruin all of it. i usually de-stress with one of my pets or just being alone. sometimes being alone is the only way i can keep it together. anywho, hope you find some answers 💜

I relate to this too, I’d love to know how to escape that “switch” where I just snap into angry mode from what was seemingly a great day

What helps me when I'm splitting is to keep reminding myself something positive about the person I'm devaluing. I just keep repeating it to myself. Also pulling yourself away from the situation to calm down helps as well. Calming down usually helps a lot with rationalizing between feelings and BPD feelings. One thing that has also helped me is when it's hard to pull back the people in my life are told beforehand if I started splitting to pull back as well. This way it also kinda forces you to pull back and calm down for a bit before trying to have a more relaxed conversation about why you or the other person is upset.

Agreed!! I love how she always says things like "..affects us" "can hurt us" like she is a part of the group too. Its nice when people show you that you're not alone in a very real way.

Yes not they or you but ‘we’. ‘We’ feels more like ‘ your human to ’ and not like weirdos like ‘you’ or ‘them’ can feel like. ‘We’ feels more like youre a part of the society to

You look so pretty princess

@@Craig121000 It seems you have some unresolved issues, but projecting your negative opinions and demonizimg those of us with BPD, most of whom are extremely trustworthy, is not going to help you get over your ex. Maybe you should try therapy to help you.

@@Craig121000 Flat Earth theories? 🤣😭🤣🤣 Hmm. It seems you're very confused.

@@Craig121000 Get help John, you can heal if you'll only accept professional help. Therapy isn't so scary. 😊 You can learn to let go of all the hatred you carry. Really, you'll be much happier. 😀😉

It's a must-read! Love the audio book too, since her voice is so soothing!

Natalie Coleman ordered it and it will be here WEDNESDAY!! 😁😁😁

@@Neeshpeesh123 Enjoy!!!!!!

How you been?

Danyella Bear after two years I can say I am not the same person that I was and my symptoms have disappeared almost completely. Hard work though and therapy every week. I can see myself in years ahead being just simply healthy and whole looking back to the person I used to be plagued by bpd but no longer identifying to it💕

@@tianamaighan you give me hope ❤

has it gotten better yet

@@trinitydelciampo5616 no, but I work on figuring out what’s actually upsetting me and then solving that problem. Right now my stress is bad... as far as BPD symptoms... I tried to kill myself a couple times in 2020. Half heartedly. Otherwise it’d be done. But I think in some ways it has gotten better. My understanding and my internal conversation has been way more positive and open. I understand myself more. A part of my BPD is dissociation so I understand I locked away parts of myself I can only fix with guided therapy. I need to get financially stable then I can look into DBT. Or online therapy. Yeah

@@phychodoll1 omg literally same haha

There are always two sides of a choin dear. If those people were meant for you they would have stayed. Or at least asked why you are reacting this way or pointing out your specific mistakes so you could improve and do better. Cause it's an easy fact that you can't improve If you don't know your mistakes. So if they don't they either didnt care at all or were to corwardly to do it. The first type of people you just don't need. And about the second, ask yourself: if they don't have the courage to tell you the honest truth in a proper way, and just simply putting all the blame on you, are they really in any way better then you? My answer: No. Cause instead of introspect and selfreflecting themself, most people just like to put the blame on others cause it's easier then accepting ones own faults and defizits. Thats not only a fault of yours or people with mental health problems. Everyone does this. So stop Putting all the blame on you for losing them. And just try to do better.

This made me tear up 😢. My child was just diagnosed with class B personality disorder and I’m scared for her.

it's hard to feel empathetic in the moment when we're in flight or fight mode (do boxers care about their opponents feeling pain in the fight?), but we sure as hell feel the remorse afterwards

@@TheFubz I'm sorry but doing harm then feeling remorse afterwards then doing the same harm again is really toxic to the ones around. It feels like a vicious cycle of being mistreated then acting like an apology is enough. I have experienced severe trauma but I hold myself accountable or separate myself when im not okay. I think thats a huge issue with the BPDs I surrounded myself with. Everything turns into catering to their every mood swing as if they are children without self control. Why is it that the BPD needs turn more important than others needs? Why is it that others have to suffer because of your lack of awareness and actually damaging others mental health more? Everyone experiences fight or flight, specially extreme one from trauma. It is not an excuse.

@@Lauracupcake1121 i mean, once you get diagnosed with it you are required to be accountable despite of being ill but I'd give somebody a pass on things done in the past only once if they were never diagnosed before

@@Lauracupcake1121 this is extremely unhelpful and the reason BPD sufferers have such a hard time finding help and support. You’re just saying the same thing everyone else does without considering everything going on.

Damn they straight up say we have no empathy? Sounds a bit _apathetic_ don't you think?

Aniroc192 wow, this is what is exactly what i experience in my relationship. And I’m so lucky my fiancé tries to understand. Kudos to you for educating yourself on mental health. It’s really important to have allies that try to make sense of it especially when we can’t make any sense of it ourselves through our struggles.

@@cvb4117 If I had known in the beginning, I would have been more understanding of the pulling in and pushing away. I couldn't read her and it made me literally go crazy. I look back on the relationship now and see that it was very toxic for me. I'm codependent so I also have work that I need to do. I still really care about her but she has moved onto someone else already. It's difficult to accept for me but...what can you do? Good luck with you and your relationship. Good to know that you were able to accept your diagnosis so that your partner has a better understanding of you. Be patient with one another and know that if he knows what I know and he is willing to stay, that he DOES care about you, no matter what the voice in your head is saying. Just breathe. You're not crazy,

Aniroc192 yes, this is so important. i was in a very similar situation and it really hurt me.

As someone with BPD, do not feel obligated to continue a relationship that is toxic to you. I feel like I have been pretty toxic in relationships through out my life time esp before I was diagnosed and couldn't explain my outbursts or learn how to rationalize around them since I didn't know the stem issue. While it may not be someone's fault they are acting a certain way, it is not anyways job to cater to that and feel guilted into being with them. If you didn't feel happy in the relationship before you knew she had it, then it shouldn't make a difference after knowing the fact. I am blessed to currently have a bf who has found a way to help calm me down when I'm splitting so we can both relax and talk about the issue we are having in a more logical way. I also feel the loving vibes from you for doing your research and not blaming her for her issues and getting help for the damage the relationship caused for yourself.

ya is good, humiliate me with my pathetic attempts to gain control of stuff in for me completely unhandlebar situations

@@peregrino9154 but whats the point if you have a trained phycoligist in front of you

Fred Garvin Reading self help books by mental health professionals helps me absorb the information straight to my core rather than having a face to face in office visit with them.

Peregrino just because the person who made the original comment can’t afford therapy, doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about her mental health.

@@clarradactyl7791 true, I have ADHD and I wanted to be cured but don't have the money for it

Same here, trying my best to get better

i love your videos

Sammy-Marie Grimm between your videos and Kati’s, it’s definitely helped. I was officially diagnosed last week, but I had started to suspect I had BPD around a year ago. Talking about having BPD with those closest to me has been one of the more helpful things I could have done, despite how difficult it is when you’re still trying to understand it all. So thank you for sharing and being so open.

Sammy!♡ love your videos! They really help me to deal with bpd

Sammy-marie! I subbed your channel ❤️❤️❤️

Awe thank you :) xoxo

I agree. Your hair looks fabulous. :) @@Katimorton

It's uneven the right side is way shorter then the left

tt OCD much?

It's supposed to be like that, look at her part.

I understand that one so well, just know you are loved. Walk tall.

Same

I agree. On paper though DBT looks fucking dumb but after going to a DBT group for 6 months it became more of a subconscious thing I use as it was drilled in my brain.

I will let my partner know to look into it as I have BPD :)

Awe I am so glad!!! xoxo

Thank you for supporting your friend. Support is very important for us since we often don’t get it. My old friends never supported me, your friend is lucky to have such a good friend ♥️

She's a lucky girl to have a friend like you in her life. I don't think anyone but my mother has ever cared about me enough to actually try to learn about BPD and how debilitating it can be.

Hailey Railey I’m so sorry you haven’t been supported! I have my own mental health issues so maybe that’s why I care so much to learn what she’s going through. I know what it’s like to not have people understand so I try my best.

Ashley Elder I’m so sorry you don’t have much support. I know people don’t always understand mental health issues. I have my own as well, so maybe that’s why I try to understand her more. Maybe it’s harder for those who don’t have any issues to understand.

I should have shared this a comment and not a reply so , sorry for singling you out Michelle, I just don't want you or anyone else with BPD to suffer , all therapy is not good therapy, and I've been seeking help for decades. Sometimes there just is no hope. You just learn to live with it.

Yes I realized that my mom was unstable

Awe I hope you enjoyed it and found it helpful :) xoxo

@@Katimorton of course I did Kati every video has made me a better person because it helps me understand what I need to improve on myself

Mee too I love Kati Morton she's the best

I got my hair cut :) xoxo

@@Katimorton Love u from morocco.

@spacey editz how are you finding it in quarantine?

i feel the same way. hope ur doing better

How are you today India? I’m genuinely interested because, well, I’m looking for insight into my own situation

I’m so sorry you were misdiagnosed. That is always incredibly frustrating and hard to deal with

Same! I was wrongly diagnosed with bipolar and today I had my first session with a new psychiatrist and she said that I have borderline personality disorder and not just bipolar. God! The relief was so much! For the past 7 years I have been trying to solve my problems using solutions for bipolar. No wonder they didn't work. I dedicated myself to this process that I took a degree in psychology and then I majored in guidance and counselling so that I could help myself and others around me with mental health issues. Let's all work together and beat the shit out of BPD!

Awe thank you!! xoxo I totally agree!! The name itself sounds stigmatizing. xoxo

Where does the stigma come from? Do you have a guess?

@@dr.k9411 language, obviously

So true, Vicky! First the child is abused, develops mental issues, then is victimized again by an ignorant society. Better to protect yourself.

@@paulasynjohnson - Care to elaborate?

Yes!!

Omg yes, I was misdiagnosed as that too. Raised by a narcissistic mother, lots of emotional abuse. I don't know wtf is wrong with me but I mentally can't get help. I need it, I suffer sooooo much. Loose every job, zero relationships of any kind.... but I can't get help. Am I scared...I don't know.

So sweet of you thank you for encouraging us all!!

Awe I am so glad my videos helped you better understand BPD and realize that it's not something we need to run away from. xoxo Yay! xoxo

BPD is the toughest of the personality disorders to treat. Do not blame yourself, you are not a trained professional. My daughter has BPD, but she has had DBT and is doing much better than she was five years ago. She got married this year to a nice young man. I worried for years that she would end up killing herself with her impulsive behavior. There is only so much you can do.

Sorry for your loss😢😢

I am so sorry for your loss! It's common for people to feel guilty after a suicide. Mental illness can be hard and only the person with the illness can control what they chose to do. Sadly, there is only so much we can do.

Awe I am so glad you found this helpful and can make it easier for you to understand and support your sister :) You are the best!! xoxo