What if I don’t want to get better? Question 1) 1:02 What if one of your patients have opposing views. Question 2) 12:04 How to open up in therapy? Question 3) 16:34 Nervousness in therapy. Question 4) 23:43 Struggling with phone calls. Question 5) 29:48 What does it mean to get triggered easily? Question 6) 34:43 How to deal with loving + hating parents. Question 7) 40:06 Feeling unable to reciprocate support that friend gives because it leads to panic attacks Question 8) 47:30 How to be comfortable in the grey area/dealing with choices. Question 9) 53:59 After sister’s suicide attempt, I’m getting hallucinations/flashbacks and go into panic mode. Question 10) 1:00:39 Maladaptive daydreaming without trauma + Kati going over some comment replies. Question 11) 1:06:56

Good morning everyone! :)

Kati thanks for posting as much as you do. Your videos get me through the week until i can see my therapist again. Thanks for all you do

Lol is it weird that I listen to this podcast in part bc I find Kati's voice soothing? 😅 The voice in the back of my head is screaming I have attachment issues 😂

Thank you so much for answering my question about witnessing my sister's suicide attempt and the PTSD it has caused me. I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much I appreciate your input.

Wow, this community never ceases to surprise me! So many of this week’s questions are ones I’ve struggled with or thought about for a long time but never quite put them into the right words (right to me, at least). Y’all do such a good job asking such great questions, you’re helpful! 😅 Also... 50 episodes of AKA?! Holy cats, it feels like so little time has passed since the first episode! Way to go, Kati!

Love your videos Katy. I’ve had a rough year with my anxiety disorder and depression. It’s been a roller coaster, changing between hope and energy and paralyzing fears, but one constant has been your videos! Love from Argentina!

I once again had to leave therapy abruptly because of money so your podcast is really important to me. No matter the question I learn something that can help me get through my own issues. Thanks Kati

I've always been at it with my mom because she never understood me & let me tell you.. I moved out over a year ago & have been in therapy & now our relationship is much healthier!

Spring is a reminder how lovely change can truly be.

In regards to exposure therapy, allow me to share two things about myself. 1. I am deathly afraid of heights. 2. I used to stumble and bumble through telephone conversations. I never really worked with a therapist on either issue, per se but, as I began to trust my therapist and trust myself, I started to challenge myself. Once, when I missed a bus (on a Sunday, of course) and that was the last one of the late afternoon, I was stranded. The funny/sad thing was that I was stranded near a drawbridge in Seattle and on the other side of the drawbridge was my apartment! The drawbridge was over Lake Union and the teensy little sidewalk was up on the bridge deck. The handrail barely came up to my belt buckle. And worse, every single time a car or truck drove past, the entire bridge deck would shake. I have never been so terrified in my life. I got on that damn bridge and muttered under my breath the entire time, "I can do this, I can do this, even if I am scared shitless, I can do this!" I wanted to cry and crap my pants. I nearly kissed the ground when I finally made it across. And then I shakily stumbled to my apartment and called my therapist. I was so proud! Story #2: I sometimes say really bizarre things, apropos of nothing. I get nervous, say something really weird or nonsensical and then I get anxious about saying something worse...and I usually do. When calling to make doctor appointments or talking to someone about the electric bill, I would get so scared that I almost always hung up before I could embarrass myself. HOWEVER!! My therapist suggested writing a script for every phone call. I thought it wouldn't work but it did! I was also very introverted for a while and that didn't help matters. With time, experience and patience with myself, I am very comfortable talking with strangers on the phone and in person. I'm also a semiprofessional artist and have to meet with clients, gallery owners, etc. Most of the time I am comfortable talking about my art. Occasionally I do get that stammering, stuttering anxiety. That seems to happen when I have to talk to someone who is kind of indifferent or just has issues of their own. I am learning not to take things so personally. But, scripts. Yeah. It's no shame in writing out a little script so you don't forget what you want to say or questions you want to ask.

Can't believe its podcast 50 still cant believe how meny podcast s have been done well done kati I also want to thank people here on the comments for always makeing me feel welcome and calm here people are always polite here x

Thank you so much Kati for answering my question, yes it helped. Now that you mentioned I have more insight than I had when I started therapy

These videos have helped me get through these difficult times Here is a poem I wrote in the midst of a crisis Title: Crisis Heartbeat quickens Thoughts racing Keep it together Smile don’t let it sneak out They asked a question Trouble recalling words Frustration Can’t gather my thoughts Confusion Why am I so dumb Panic They tell me to pay attention Breathing quick I can’t take it anymore They call my name I nod dizzily Breathe I need help I need it all to end Can’t they see No the wounds are all inside of me I don’t want to live anymore Keep it together Deep breaths Mindfulness Focus on the present I have so much to do Homework Exams Chores Dad calls my name I need to pay bills I snap at him Calm down These are all simple things I want to cry I need a hug I want someone to listen I can’t keep helping I have nothing left to give When will someone notice? What’s wrong with me? Depression Anxiety I can’t let them define me They have taken over There is nothing left of me What’s the point? Hopeless It’s all my fault Guilt Go to sleep Tossing and turning Nightmares Wake up Hands wrap around my neck I can end it all with a compressive squeeze Why would I do that? I’m in pain But God wouldn’t be happy with that Cry out to God for help He is the only who truly knows my struggles Dear God have mercy on my soul You created me to reach a goal A goal I struggle to understand and find I feel I constantly keep losing my mind The calamities that keep befalling this world Have me asking when will our savoir return I don’t want to lose hope but it’s hard not to When all I see is destruction and misery This world has become so dark Nothing interests me anymore Keep fighting Apply for jobs There might be a future One that I can’t see Depends on the moment And how I feel One second I’m fine The next all logic goes out of my mind They tell me to take it one day at a time And that is what I shall try

This is such a great question and yet can be so personal! With my health, I am in constant pain every day and have to fight to work and do normal things. I DO want to get better, but I get to a point where I become fearful of the pain and don't want to do certain things because of it. That's why I I started a Positive support group on FB and my youtube channel. Its just SO new... because so many groups are so negative and focus on the pity party of life. We need more joy and happiness so we want to get better and feel better! ❤❤❤

So lovely to see you with such a nice bright background Kati, it makes you shine!

Self sabotaging your progress in therapy b/c you don’t know who you are without trauma. It’s something I’ve been going through forever. Thank you for answering this

comfort items like a blanket or stuffed animals can help too. I will bring a stuffed animal with me when I know therapy will be tough and it helps me stay in the moment because it is familiar and I can touch it to calm down

The guest curtains are lovely.

Refreshing to see another episode! I haven't listened to the podcast as much, but it's nice to return to a new one.

Kati please make a video about adults that are estranged from their families. My dad passed away and my mum is an abusive alcoholic with narcissistic tendencies. I have no family support and I'm distancing myself from her but I feel so isolated. What advice do you have for people that are basically alone in the world with no safety net? Thank you, love your podcast x

Even though I had read the comment about the person who walked in on their sister's suicide attempt, I completely flashbacked to when my husband suddenly died. I haven't had a flashback that strong in months. I did the shake out and some DBT techniques. It helped but now I'm exhausted. Oops. I really thought I was pat the flashbacks as I did the storyline and that really helped. I hope this doesn't mean they are back.

Love the background really refreshing

Lol when you said to listen to someone on KZfaq I got a chuckle out of it because that's exactly what I do with you. My therapist says you are one of my coping mechanisms.

Thank you for being you, Kati. 💕 I'm deciding whether to try therapy again as I'm really poorly, but my previous therapist caused me trauma so I don't know whether to go down that route again but I'm not coping right now. 😭 Love you XOXO

I seem to be one of those individuals where several things that are suggested to me don't work. For the most part, I feel like they are suggesting the basics, or strategies that are known to work. I've had to take a step back and really try to better connect with myself to find what works for me. I know that listening to music is a major coping mechanism for my anxiety, especially in public places. I know that deep breathing can help in some manner, but I have noticed that the more I focus on my breathing when having anxiety, causes me more anxiety, as if I'm not getting enough air (feeling from slowing breath). Exposer therapy was brought up here. Now I'm sure if works for many, but my personal experiences seems to be that it creates more scenarios to been anxious. Riding the bus to locations for example. Sure I forced myself on the bus more, but I had places I needed to go. I'd be lucky if I could find a seat that people weren't near, or facing me, or having to sit beside someone else. A quiet bus was the best bus. I'd listen to music to keep from getting overwhelmed. My anxiety never left, nor subsided. Making phone calls has been the same. If I have to make an important call to someone I don't know, then I will be anxious. It's not like I've done it a couple times and concluded that it isn't going to get better. It just doesn't seem to help. Even taking classes prior to Covid. There is a small element that I can get used to, like the action. But because people are part of it, I always seem to need my means of coping, or else it's too much. I mean, nothing quite like brain fog during a call to the government. I admit, in some scenarios, more exposure does help (like seeing a new counselor). Is there some advice on exposer therapy that might be of better help in my situation, where I've been exposed to public places, and talked with strangers for quite some time? Might there be something I've missed about it?

Amazing episode, Kati!🙂❤ Thank you so so much!🙂❤

Here's something that has really made a difference in my relaxation, especially before bedtime. Do the "shakeout" exercise that Kati talks about. Take a warm/hot shower and, as you're drying off, gently massage your arms, legs, hands, fingers with a CBD lotion or balm. I have a roll on type of balm that has cloves, menthol, eucalyptus oils, and of course, the CBD. The CBD relaxes tense muscles. CBD oils for topical use will NOT make someone high. Only THC does that. As I listen to this video, I am sooooooo calm and relaxed. I rubbed the CBD balm all over and then ate 5 mg. of edible marijuana. I am usually in crippling physical pain from Scoliosis and the only thing that knocks it back to a tolerable level are edibles that have both THC and CBD in them but the CBD mg. is always more than the THC. I know many listeners of this show are probably dealing with substance abuse issues so this advice is not necessarily for you. My substance abuse is sugar-related so I am very strict about the sugar in my edibles. If this looooong message was helpful to anyone, I'm glad. Just trying some of the topical-only CBD products can help with anxiety and stress. Your mileage may vary.

Q1: for me, i'm tired of people (including mental health system) treating my emotional pain as BAD and WRONG and something that i should undo or "fix". my feeling is that my emotional pain is trying to tell me something, and is wanting to validate the pain that i went through. this is why CBT was so awful for me: i felt it was gaslighting my emotional pain and experiences. if i want to "get better", it won't be on the agenda and the plan that others demand i follow. it will have to be my own way.

Like the first question, I was diagnosed with BPD due to major, continued physical and verbal bullying from age 4 until my teens and when I mention it to people, they're so condescendent about it, even my closest family. They always say things such as "I've been through the same back in school" and "it happens to everyone".

I can relate to question 5 I am very anxious and nervous with phone calls couldn't even except phone calls from health professionals

I often have trouble like the person in question 3. The struggle to open up. My problems arise when talking details of the nightmares/memories of sexual abuse. I now tell my therapist that I can’t get the words out to describe it and she takes over asking some questions. Normally one question related to the memory, like “where were you, what was the setting?” Then after I answer, she asks a question completely unrelated, like “so how is your dog going?” And we chat about that for a minute before she asks another question around my horrible memory. Obviously this may not be an approach for everyone but it works well for me. Sometimes it does take a couple of sessions to get the full memory out and after going through it slowly we go back over it like a “recap” kind of thing and then discuss like my emotions attached to different parts of this memory. This is just what works for me. The starting and stopping helps keep my anxiety, dissociation and flashbacks at bay to get through the session and processing my memories.

Regarding question 1, I've been stuck in that place for 10 years of therapy. Feeling content or peaceful or happy feels invalidating and wrong to me. It also feels like "not me". Recovery feels like brainwashing, or that society is trying to change who I am so I can fit in better and be a better cog in the machine.

Great video. It really helps. Thank you.

Thank you Katie for all you do. ❤

Thank you so much

50 already?!!! Thank you so much for all you do Kati! Glad you made it through Portland's snowpocolypse! Lol

Actually studied during the 1960 rush for information, the graphic illness of mental instability which is based upon a digressing society paranoia. So, as society does show signs of repression how far is the necessity for the patient to eliminate themselves of the action to harm others. Not meaning that all modes of this depression can be approved but that unknown to the patient all of the beginning symptoms are valid. This established the theory to rebase all of a patient's symptoms to a philosophical and moral validity. Also, the suicidal acclaim to the patient was regraded to a softest or milder one. Really Interesting! It was even compared to an exotic trip, just as someone tries all the strange foods in a mood or dressing oddly.

Hey Kati! I have been diagnosed with BPD. There are a million racing thoughts in my mind and I find it really stressful to deal with each of them. As I don't have enough financial resources to pay for a personal therapy, I am using the DBT skills workbook - that you recommend. I read that safe place visualization is one of the effective distraction tools. But, I am not able to figure out how to transition from a disturbed space to a peaceful space in mind. Can you please talk about it in one of your upcoming videos?

I have a question, or more like a problem..? Idk what exactly it is. I dont know what i have or what is wrong with me (i self harm and i have suicidal thoughts), but i dont have trauma and if i have i dont know where it comes from. I have some reasons for it but they dont feel valid, because they are mostly based of selfhate and overthinking and stuff, i cant really phrase it. And everyone else i met who has scars or similar behavior had major trauma or anything like that. Which is why in my head i cant justify my actions, because as i said i dont have trauma or anything like that. But its just so hard to stop. Why cant i be normal, why cant i just stop doing this, stop thinking those things, stop making plans in my head? I just want it to stop. (Please dont worry i wouldnt have the "courage" and motivation to actually end it) I just feel so invalid and dumb, and the worst thing is sometimes i dont even want it to stop because it makes me feel good or something. Am i crazy? I have mental breakdowns because I want it to stop, because i want everything to stop but the voice in my head tells me its good. Wtf is wrong with me i dont want this

We just know it’s going to be great 🤷‍♀️😊

6:18, it might also give suggestion how to act, like a family name kind of thing. Maybe something similar of another way is personality traits of a zodiac. Like if some one is a Taurus they tend to be confident and sensual, but that through a lens of disorder may be unhealthy, you know what I mean? A description of traits we can relate to may feel comforting.

Wow first question, might be what my family member is working through. Thanks for asking question . Insight.

Hey Kati, I’m 19 years old and still in high school. My questions are “Why do I not want to get better from my eating disorder, but still hate that I have it?”

Thanks Katie

What does “processing “ actually means in therapy please?! Thanks!!

I thought I was the only one who not only hated but literally is a fraud of talking on the phone. People still insist on calling me even after I’ve told them I hate it. It forces me to respond far too quickly than I’m comfortable. It like puts me on stage and I hate it. Literally I’ve had my sisters and mom make calls for me cuz I just couldn’t do it…. It’s beyond a fear it’s like if someone said I’m gonna trap you in a small cave with a bear and pythons and how you’d feel like dying is the only way to deal, that’s how talking on the phone and calling and being called feels to me as dramatic as it sounds….

idk all i ever feel is pain i don't want to get better because i have no idea how.

3:05 Sometimes, it's still OK to not be ok.

#11 mmm escapism 💙

Anxiety feels very similar to the elevated heartrate I got once from accidentally taking too much of my albuterol inhaler. Every time I experience anxiety like that, even as it's really annoying how my chest feels fluttery and my pulse won't calm down, I'm also grateful that my alexithymia protects me from the thought patterns other people get from anxiety. Brain is bad, but is comfortable kind of bad to inhabit, you feel?

Hello people just put this weeks Thursday s new podcast on I haven't watched the last 2 weeks podcast I was dealing with how depressed iv felt and sad and fed up iv felt everyday of the week I'm still not good but iv got myself back into these podcasts I see there are 11 question all good questions lastly nice different filming location of this podcast hope everyone s ok

In the big Ts and little ts model of trauma that you've mentioned, it seems like it ought to be possible to amass enough trauma to get symptoms without having any single event that makes you realize that's what's happened. So maybe the maladaptive daydreaming person is experiencing a trauma symptom, but without a big, flashy, attention-grabbing cause.

What if I hate myself Kati? Is that an ok thing to do?

Hi Kati! I love your videos! They've really helped me through everything. Is there a place I can send you a question thats not so public? An email or other social media messenger place? Thank you!

Hey Kati I been trying to get this question answered for weeks now can you please answer it soon please Hi Kati can you discus complicated grief and how the pandemic may cause that in same cases right now .I was wondering because my family just had my stepsister funeral the other day and some we had to wait a whole month to have it to know if the grief is now considered completed grief because of how long it took to have the funeral because my stepsister actually passed away last December do to car accident?

I wish you could be my therapist :/ I’ve seen so many but I never felt good with them

thanks I fucking love you. 😍

History history history behaviors REPEAT . WE HAVE CHOICES . CHANGE for Better. Better thoughts. Write those thoughts down on a note book.

I'm so curious if you get botox? Your forehead doesn't move as much as it used to. Im the same age as you, and heavily considering.botox. It's really hard.getting older sometimes and seeing our youthfulness slowly decline 😓 Would love to hear about your personal experience with it! 😉

Is there a name for a person that goes from no emotions to overly emotions any input thanks

One question: what's wrong with me?

Hi Katie Seriously I feel that getting Therapy is a waste of time One broken person talking to another broken person Completely absurd Sexually abused since a child and raped at age 18 at gun point,I have suppressed many things and live a reasonably productive life No one escapes unscathed Respect

I think therapy doesn't work for some people. After 4 different ones, it seems silly to keep believing it's the solution for me, I need to look elsewhere

This video has no views but 2 likes 🧐🧐🧐

Better to Read the HOLY SCRIPTURES. GET ALMIGHTY GOD 🙏 Jah s Views how he wants U to do his will daily. Love your neighbor as yourself. Ok?

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