Childhood Neglect And The Feeling That You Can Never Belong

Рет қаралды 515,545

9 ай бұрын

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Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to the ability to connect with other people. So it's no surprise that abuse and neglect in your childhood may have left you with a feeling that no matter what you do, you never quite belong in groups. In this "best of" compilation, I share videos that will help you understand that the feeling of being an outside is not a quirk of yours, or a failing. It's a feeling (and an experience) that is common for traumatized people, and with practice, it can be healed.
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Пікірлер: 1 700

@GreenTaraAZ 9 ай бұрын

“I lived well today”. This is so helpful, as is this entire video. I feel like you are talking directly to me! At age 58, I am finally discovering strategies to get myself going. I don’t always use the use strategies - I’m new at this - but knowing I have them, and knowing that what I have been experiencing all these years is real and valid, has been an enormous help.

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

We’re the same age, and I’m still struggling to figure it out.

@corithefrugalflower 9 ай бұрын

Same here, feeling like I need a "do-over" at times, so trying to find healthy ways to "re-invent" my life, within my limits, but where I can enjoy myself and still challenge myself. Learning now to NOT stay in the victim mentality. This channel has been huge for that too! Blessings to all on here! 🙏✌️💪❤

@desbrow3339 9 ай бұрын

54 and just found Anna 6mos ago... what a wonderful A-Ha!

@gobears6487 9 ай бұрын

Same age, same general stuff... Discovering Anna in 2020 was a huge shift in the right direction. 🥰👍

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

@@gobears6487 I’m still trying to figure out how to get from self loathing to self acceptance. I hope that she has some videos on that. I don’t blame anyone but myself for any of it, mind you.

@matteomeloni3681 9 ай бұрын

It's like watching others play the game of life while you are the only one not knowing the rules.

@eileengleeson7851 8 ай бұрын

That's exactly it well said thanks 👍👍👍👍

@lisasternenkind6467 8 ай бұрын

That's how I felt as kid every single day.

@kathymyers7279 8 ай бұрын

Bingo. Well said! My whole life. My insides cave in and I go blank and disregulated.

@tsunamismommy1 8 ай бұрын

This!!

@heidimeigs5192 8 ай бұрын

At a class reunion I told some people this exact thing and they were all surprised. Even from a young age I somehow knew that if I acted like I knew what I was doing, people would assume I knew what I was doing. But, I’ve been winging it my entire life because I thought everyone else DID know what they were doing. 💁🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

@loveinthematrix 9 ай бұрын

I went to a meetup this saturday where we were supposed to be authentic and vulnerable, I told them that I was on the autism spectrum and almost everyone in the group started making jokes about autistic people. It triggered me a lot and I ended up going out alone drinking that night, there was a guy from that group who was trying to hook up with me which is not what I'm looking for right now in my life. In order to get away from him, I went to the dancefloor and was dancing alone for hours. I could hear people laughing at me from a distance, another girl started dancing with her friend and I could swear they were mocking me. I may be overly sensitive, but this is the kind of stuff that happens when I decide to put myself out there. It usually makes me go back into isolation - but I am refusing to continue to live in isolation. I probably shouldn't drink anymore but I left that experience and cried for two hours about how alone I feel, how different I feel from everyone and that I never seem to fit in. Even me trying 'stand alone and be myself' makes me sad. I don't actually want to be a lone wolf but people-ing has never been my strong suit.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

I'm sorry your experience last Saturday was so frustrating. It's pretty insensitive for people to make jokes like that. I'm glad you are here with us in our little KZfaq community. Julie@TeamFairy

@fetchtheswitch5465 9 ай бұрын

Hi friend, you are not alone. I go through the same thing, it took a long time to realize that I'm not the right fit for certain people and situations. Sometimes it's not you. I'm on the spectrum too in a third world country. I did the DBT thing to learn how to 'people'.....they still can sense that I'm different. It begins to feel dangerous to be around people, you never know what people will do with the perceived power difference (most typically take advantage). I can't guarantee that you'll find your tribe, however you are not alone in your experience, there are people that understand.

@SirenaSpades 9 ай бұрын

Really not very nice for a group where you are supposed to be authentic and vulnerable, for them to start making fun of you. I would - and this is just me - avoid that group in the future. I would never attend that group again. But definitely still attend other events. You don't want one bad experience to keep you from meeting new people.

@loveinthematrix 9 ай бұрын

@@fetchtheswitch5465 🤍🤍

@loveinthematrix 9 ай бұрын

@@fetchtheswitch5465 Sending you love. I definitely don’t want people’s bad vibes to pollute my energy, I have a lot of love to share. I wish you the best!!! I think there are a lot of good people out there who would understand us, but of course if we’re watching these videos we’ve been through trauma, so leeches tend to be around us LOL

@Wimsa43 6 ай бұрын

Im 80 and still feeling alone and dont belong anywhere. Im listening to this, now I get answers WHY my life got like this.

@JB.zero.zero.1 5 ай бұрын

It's one hell of a realisation later in life to suddenly understand why we feel so shut out and always have.

@Blair3540 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing ❤ i have wondered my whole life if this feeling ever goes away or not and only now have I started to accept that maybe it won’t… and that’s ok too. I’m learning to manage/ cope - I don’t need to remain victim to my past; maybe it’s the secret sauce to help others :) you are not alone - here’s to healing ❤️‍🩹 Ps. I’d love to send you a Christmas card, wimsa :) thinking of you this holiday season ❤

@Mulberry2000 5 ай бұрын

That is very sad. Happy Christmas and Happy New year.

@boogiemcsploogie 5 ай бұрын

Wimsa I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year 🎉🎊🎈

@Wimsa43 5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much @@boogiemcsploogie

@CremeBrulee1133 9 ай бұрын

It’s hard because there is FEAR involved. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not getting it right, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of success, fear of more responsibility when I’m already struggling … and the anxiety that creates. That’s what causes my procrastination. Turning that voice off is challenging. I try to just start on a task to get momentum. And I try not to beat myself up for not being perfect.

@marylouleeman 9 ай бұрын

Bingo!

@Glove513 9 ай бұрын

Ditto. I recently saw a video of the 5-second rule with Mel Robbins. I’m starting to use it to break out of my procrastination.

@dorisburton2150 9 ай бұрын

So insightful, helpful, and right on the mark. Knowing is half the battle. Take care.

@yehmen29 9 ай бұрын

What John wrote really struck a chord with me. I can also relate to the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being judged, the fear of being rejected. It wasn't improved by a psychiatrist telling me when I was in my early 20s that 'No man will ever marry you because no real man would ever want another man's leftovers'. I was a victim of incest (from the age of 3) and for Roman Catholics, like this psychiatrist, a woman's virginity is her greatest treasure.

@EB321 9 ай бұрын

This is why she created the Daily Practice thing. Really does help

@wmh1626 9 ай бұрын

I started listening to this instead of feeding the chickens lol. Okay, I'll listen to it WHILE feeding the chickens 😅🐥🐔🐓

@ebbyc1817 9 ай бұрын

😄

@Janet3yow 9 ай бұрын

Good job!!!!

@sharonrotenizer5646 9 ай бұрын

I miss my chickens, coyotes got them. Had them for about 4 years. I treated them like pets, because they were. Each having a personality of their own. So sweet to watch and learn their ways. They are far more intelligent than people will give them credit for.

@doesnotFempute 9 ай бұрын

hi fellow traumatized chicken person! I'm also listening to this, about to feed my chickens LOL

@leilanoorani2976 9 ай бұрын

Another chicken owner/survivor of family scapegoat abuse - I’ve got six hens, all beloved pets. I often listen while tending to them. They are just sweet, smart and present.

@turner2952 6 ай бұрын

I can totally relate to this. People that grew up with "normal" functioning families have no idea what it's like to have had such dysfunctional parents, no brothers or sisters or any other family members to go to for help. Thank you so much, Ms. Anna, for just being you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

We completely understand. Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@joel6427 5 ай бұрын

I have thought about the kids in High School who had it together. They dressed well and drove nice cars to school. I noticed at sports events they had parents that came to see them play. It wasn't until 50 years later that I realized my parents never came to one game. It didn't bother me at the time because I was already emotionally distant from them because that's how they rolled. They made the rules, so although they are dead, it's on them!

@yamabelle 5 ай бұрын

It's even worse being an only child growing up with selfish and negligent parents. We are stuck with our thoughts and feelings in isolation

@opticalman6417 5 ай бұрын

that was my reality my life allways been very dark as a result

@bunk95 5 ай бұрын

You sure do market human slaves a lot. Do you think that your comment factually describes anything outside of fiction?

@matthews7805 5 ай бұрын

I heard a quote recently that went something like this: "we all grew up in the same household, but not the same family." Makes sense. My experience was way different than my siblings.

@ninadeol6768 3 ай бұрын

Every child is treated differently by parents Also the time of your childhood were your parents in a good relationship finances good a lot of joy in environment This may be true for one sibling during their time with parents and this differs in all siblings Environment while mom pregnant and support during it

@christinaw9807 9 ай бұрын

I had a brutal crush on a football player from another school. I never told him. I wanted to go to prom with him, but I felt so bad about myself I didn't think he would ever do it, much less want to. After prom a mutual acquaintance told him and he told him, "why didn't she say something I would have taken her." This is the true price of doing nothing. You miss out on the life you could have had.

@jeaniechampagne8831 6 ай бұрын

We do yes, or we did. But there's comfort in not pushing, There's more comfort than taking that chance and not having comfort, if this makes any sense.

@loombandz6722 2 ай бұрын

Ah oh 😮, but did that guy went with someone during prom?

@Chic.Geek75 9 ай бұрын

At 47 years old, I am still struggling but only with my family. I was born out of rape and my mother's side of the family raised me and was abused until 18. My mom was institutionalized because she was blind. She died when I was 11. I still get triggered by my aunt because at times I wish she could be my mother, I never had parental love or hugs. So Facebook triggers me because she posts about her kids and grandkids and I feel left out. I feel like an alien like I was dropped in the middle of nowhere with these people. I needed this video, right on time. Thank you so much Anna

@Chic.Geek75 9 ай бұрын

My husband gives me silent treatment when he gets mad at me

@lisasanchez7597 8 ай бұрын

😢😢😢 I can’t have children and knew since a child. (God spoke to me in a voiceless voice. It was a knowing.) I’m sharing this because if you were my child and I passed I would wish you the best life and not worry about family, instead use nature, music, and animals to help you belong to help you feel joy and peace.

@theresewalters1696 8 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear you struggle because of others who have let you down. People will always disappoint you because everyone has their own struggles. But I bet you are a wonderful person in spite of those who don't appreciate you. Hang in there. Many of us feel your pain.

@amandadewet4022 8 ай бұрын

I know that I am so loved by Christ and He is coming for me at death or the rapture. I pray that you will lean on Him and not on your own understanding. John 3.3 Romans 10.9 to 10.10

@girl38rockify 8 ай бұрын

U need God w him your never alone ppl even family will let u down

@stephaniejmc 8 ай бұрын

I can relate to this 100%. Procrastination and avoidance has always been my thing. When I was growing up, TV was my safe place. I could retreat into the world of my favorite TV characters and just live vicariously through them. I didn't have many friends and family in my real life I could trust, so those TV characters became my friends. As an adult, I find myself doing the same when I am stressed with the real world and need to escape. I know I use it as an excuse to not get anything done and delay taking action toward anything that would better myself and my life. It always seems like "too much work" and too much effort to actually take any steps toward any goals. I think about it, and it immediately becomes overwhelming... so I end up not doing anything.

@esperanzamunoz2725 7 ай бұрын

Yes! I relate!😢

@lovinlife6630 7 ай бұрын

I can also relate!

@julialucas1482 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I am a huge procrastinator too. You are not really alone with the things you mention here.

@Lenergyiskey358 6 ай бұрын

Definately me too 😊

@johnpaulsawan1990 6 ай бұрын

Me too! Now I read, make short films, or hide and play Steam Deck safely in my room.

@suewolmarans6195 9 ай бұрын

I know what you mean. I had just started going to high school and was invited for a sleepover at a friends house I met. I cant remember if they came to fetch me at my house. It was such a nice middle class to upper class house with this nicest family. I felt so awkward. But I remember they dropped me off at home the Sunday. And the look of sheer horror and pity on that mothers face was palatable. Needless to say I saw her very little from then at school and she found another friend group. I always still feel like the outsider. Like I am never part of anything. Like I am an extra in a movie. I think there is a part of me that is broken that will always leave a hole. A space where I should have been loved.

@FoundSheep-AN 8 ай бұрын

What was there to be scared of, or to have an horror face, when the mother dropped you off? I don’t understand If it’s cause your house is not an upper middle class house, that’s classism being snob and judging friends by their parents ‘ s money (that is not even an indicator of the success of the kids that still goes to school) You should be proud of everything your parents managed to give you! It’s not an easy world not an easy time for economy. Parents are humans with flaws and it’s so difficult nowadays. If one is more fortunate it’s not ok to look down upon other families that simply are not successful economically and have modest houses or something

@carlywright5127 8 ай бұрын

@@FoundSheep-ANyes but a lot of people have an image, appearance to keep up. We can be judged by the friends we keep. But people are basically fools. A lot of horrid people who are fraudsters live in cosy mansions and are pretenders. I would sooner a person in a dump with their own home and love in the home than other bad foibles.

@mallorygraf8574 5 ай бұрын

Yes, same thing happened to me. I had a best friend in 5th grade who lived in typical middle class home with parents and each sibling had their own room. We would visit each other all the time...then her father came to pick her up one day. Friendshio over. We lived in poor neighborhood where it was mostly single moms and kids. It took me years to figure out what happened. BUT life has a way of balancing things out and by high school I had my life together and for some reason ny former friend's life was falling apart. So life is weird sometimes but I just go with flow and hang on!

@bluemouse5039 5 ай бұрын

When I was a kid and started making a new friend from a better social class, it would go well for a while the parents seemed nice , then on one occasion we would be sitting around talking and the mother would ask, Where do your parents work at? I would say my dad works at a factory and my mom at the grocery store, Then the mother would say Oh I see, then ask what do you want to do once you get out of school? I would say I'm not sure yet, I really don't know, The mother would then stop asking questions but was still polite, Then the next time I would visit I picked up a bit of a negative vibe from the mom and she was not quite as friendly, I would say to my friend, I don't think your mother likes me! the friend would dismiss my fears as not true and make excuses for the mother like she is always like that! Then the new friend was also a bit aloof saying they didn't want to go anywhere today or stop calling me as much or sometimes I would call and the mother would say The new friend wasn't home or something like that , then I might see the new friend with some other kids of their social class and If I approached the group my friend did seem to anxious to see me and I would get the feeling of not being wanted then the friendship died as we talked less and less, I didn't understand it as a kid, but now that I'm older The harmless questions the mother is asking is like a job interview , she is thinking my parents are losers and I am a loser with no goals in life either and I don't want my child hanging around with this negative influence, So the mother will steer her child away from friendships with people she sees as harmful , probably saying don't be hanging around with that person they are no good!

@sherrisouthwell8160 7 ай бұрын

I end up in tears after each video realizing just how dysfunctional my childhood was and am amazed that I've been able to achieve as much as I have given the lack of tools I had to work with. I shared one of your videos with my daughter and apologized for the dysfunction I created in her life, like my mother created in mine, in hopes that we can both break the chain of trauma, FINALLY! Thank You!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@alexandrabesson9253 4 ай бұрын

I understand you totally…had this conversation with my daughter too. Feel so sorry for what she had to go through. Wish I had the tools I have today when I had her.

@irenemorley75 4 ай бұрын

I always knew what my mother was like so I made sure I didn't do the same to my child,

@user-jc4du1xf8e 3 ай бұрын

My life

@FuzzyFrogg66 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to let life kick my ass, I need to kick ass in life😊

@denasharpe2393 9 ай бұрын

Quite obvious now that you have stated it so clearly😂

@fortybelow1973 5 ай бұрын

@@denasharpe2393I pity you.

@kristiinakapinen2071 9 ай бұрын

Lying on my dirty living room couch, filthy and smelly and sick myself, just trying to find strength to shower.. . Electricity went out yesterday, will be cut again in a few days. And knowing no one will come to save me. Cheers to all who are struggling❤

@karenrader2160 9 ай бұрын

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 Christ died for us. This is true. May you find help and peace.

@kristiinakapinen2071 9 ай бұрын

Whew, finally got out of that paralysis.. I thought maybe I never would! Started taking care of things, little by little, small steps :)

@jennyjose8440 7 ай бұрын

@@kristiinakapinen2071 First count your blessings... There are so many who have no home, no proper food to eat... God has given us so much...be thankful to him.. Give love to the less fortunate ones..in any way possible...see how much joy you will feel inside. Be strong 💪 Look after your well being first..and trust in the Lord 💟

@lovinlife6630 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for your honesty. There are so many people who are going through the same thing. ❤

@mmmnope7999 7 ай бұрын

@@karenrader2160Not helpful.

@Gator777 8 ай бұрын

I have a brother that is very condescending. The best thing I can do is keep my distance.

@deanarjones9114 5 ай бұрын

I read about chronic loneliness from not bonding with parents. The chronic loneliness will cause feelings of not belonging or feeling left out. Can lead to trauma bonding to those that also were neglected causing the narcissist/codependency cycle.

@latasha9898 4 ай бұрын

This is me. How do you know me without actually knowing me?

@jeepnj2502 3 ай бұрын

Exactly, its like you never learn how to attach to others in a balanced way. Cant assess others intentions, cant invest the correct amt of emotional energy to get reciprocation, always feel youre the backup plan. No ones first choice for friend or partner. Its funny bc I understand now, as I try to talk to my mom as an adult. She doesnt listen to anything! Talks over you any time u try to converse! No wonder id never learn how to relate to others and assume theres nothing I have to say thats interesting. Was alone with my single mom for 6 years before she got married to my step, and I think yes, thats a big part of my lifelong loneliness.

@jac1161 Ай бұрын

between not bonding, and not being protected when abused by a sibling who was manipulative and golden

@thegretnaexperiment2.021 6 күн бұрын

@@jeepnj2502same. My mom left when I was 3 and is a classic narcissist. I always feel alone and feel like I don’t fit in.

@jennifersignsoflife1375 9 ай бұрын

It's Iike being frozen. When I get Iike this (and this cycle has lasted a few years) when given two choices, I will aIways make the worst choice, then ruminate on it ceaseIessIy. I've isoIated myself, so have no one to call, no one to talk to. I don't even know where to begin. Here, I guess. Thank You so much for these videos.

@JB.zero.zero.1 5 ай бұрын

I walk alone each night when the light fails. I live in a small city in the UK where there are restaurants and other establishments. I feel empty inside when gazing into venue windows, where families & friends are gathered; laughing, at ease, connected. Aside from a brief moment in time, way back, I have always felt this way. Through habituation and time, this feeling is now foundational to my being and I am an alien in this world. I was later in life diagnosed as autistic, albeit on the higher functioning spectrum, so that feeds the disconnect. However, the core perception of me vs. the world was a by-product of a harsh & then abandoning mother and then an abandoning father. My journey is one of being empty much of the time with transitory periods of acute pain, then depression. None of us contracted prior to birth for this life imposed and the tragedy is, many of us are fated through circumstance, to walk this life alone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry you have been through all this, and still not yet connected. I have been in your shoes; many here have too. I invite you to come be part of our group. If you haven't yet, try the free course Daily Practice, and come to the calls I lead. If you enjoy it, you could join the membership and be part of a group of people all working to heal trauma symptoms together. It's a good group. Members have many different stories and circumstances -- some are on the spectrum too. Sometimes our healing comes later in life, and all who have had some healing can tell you it's worth it!

@JB.zero.zero.1 5 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'll sub to your channel and see where it leads. Thank-you for the message.

@MJ-qp1vi 7 ай бұрын

Hearing your 'prom story' made me cry because I experienced that fear, that terror of people seeing inside my childhood life. I still experience that and move mountains to keep everyone from coming inside my house. There's no reason anymore. None. Still the shame exists. .

@Carynn-ym4fq 5 ай бұрын

I can relate to this! I’m the same way. My anxiety skyrockets with the prospect of someone coming into my home. Even when it’s perfectly fine. I hate that this has carried over into my adulthood. Hoping I can change this need for everything having to be perfect before I can let anyone in.

@Penny-bt4gc 3 ай бұрын

I can relate to this as well. I grew up in an old farmhouse and was ridiculed as a child by other kids at school. I’ve always hated having people in my house to this day. I have a nice house now but can’t get past that feeling of being less than others.

@heatherc760 2 ай бұрын

People do judge you by the house you live in. I saw a post by a “friend” On someone else’s Facebook post about “ You know you’ve made it in life when you live in THIS subdivision”. 😒AS IF that’s what makes you a good and decent , and successful person???

@Pigmyta 3 ай бұрын

I'm 40. I have known about CPTSD for quite some time now, healed some. But just today I realized how awkward I am around 'normal decent' people and just a few hours ago I realized I can speak freely only with 'problematic' people. It's got so bad I'm alone most of the time. And boom, here's this video. Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 ай бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@libertyann439 8 ай бұрын

I had emotionally unavailable parents. I bat zero with relationships. Two bad marriages and a bunch of unrequited crushes. Sometimes I feel like I'm not there when I need me. Fortunately, I have no children. I love my job but sometimes I make unforced errors and sabotage myself. I bathe dogs. A very meaningful job. I'm lucky to work with good people with their own issues. We are a family of misfit toys.. I am in my 4th year. No man is worth my time these days. I'm better off alone.

@toadeepants 9 ай бұрын

I’m drawn towards the failures too, but not just romantically. I also feel soooo inferior to “normal”, successful achievers. They scare me and I avoid. I feel less inferior to people who are a mess in some way, so I feel more comfortable and able to interact.

@user-td9sc7yb7n 5 күн бұрын

OMG maybe that is my story. If they are a mess, maybe my mess won't be so obvious.

@dailyoccasions9539 5 ай бұрын

I grew up poor in motels in Fresno, California on Motel Drive. Dad drank and mom was suffer from schizophrenia. We were surrounded by drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, daily hunger and poverty. I met a guy who was 17 and I was 15 he said he loved me and I became a teen mom. There is lot more, but you all get the gist. I have always felt like a child looking through a window of a family’s Christmas dinner and celebration. I am a nobody, never welcome and never er feel like ai belong. Thank you for this information

@manuuyt5919 5 ай бұрын

You are a somebody. You are somebody who was brave enough to post about their experience in order to help others feel less alone. Society values perfection and glamour and yet humans bond most where the cracked edges of one person's soul meets another. I understand (and relate to) your grief over not having a happy family but I hope you can look forward to the future with hope and Californian sunshine in your heart

@jac1161 Ай бұрын

...the scene in Home Alone. I cried way too hard over that scene (Christmas dinner)...it's relatable

@tedphillips2501 9 ай бұрын

To heal yourself, give unto others the love you were denied.

@hailey8941 5 ай бұрын

This is soul draining though when love is never returned to you.

@oliviasimpson4396 5 ай бұрын

@@hailey8941 totally agree with you it's not worth it when love is not returned.

@jac1161 Ай бұрын

unless your giving became an addiction - to tell an empath nurse of abuse from childhood to adulthood, my drug and my healing was in helping others....it's not a substitite for working o n your own stuff. Nope. That was taking from me when I died on duty and still rebuilding myself, though no one is around.

@Alfiedoo12 9 ай бұрын

You described my life…😢It impacts everything. I am so stuck…

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

Me too.

@MysticalEmpress-fy2nc 9 ай бұрын

Same here

@m.maclellan7147 9 ай бұрын

Surrounded by it. Enveloped by it. The damn phone (internet) doesn't help.

@bhadmomma8664 9 ай бұрын

Same! I’m sending each one of you my love and compassion so when you are struggling to afford yourself those 2 things I hope you can accept mine and give yourself a break because you deserve it and you are worthy of it! Moment by moment, day by day, week by week, any action, no matter how small, is a WIN! Big gets things done but so do small! It’s ALL valuable and worthy of celebration and praise! The road ahead is overwhelming and is hard but you have been so incredibly strong with all you’ve survived to be here today, weak people can’t do all you’ve done to make it here today! You are amazing and you WILL rise up with that strength to meet your challenges and overcome them. Remember to be kind to yourself! I know that you’ve got this and doesn’t matter how you get there or how long it takes, as long as you get there! Trust yourself! ❤️

@tomtbi 9 ай бұрын

Me too ...

@Susette0302 9 ай бұрын

I am sitting here with my mouth open 😮 I have never been able to articulate what goes on in me, and thank you

@rebeccagoldsack3295 9 ай бұрын

I feel the same! I see me in so much of these videos I have always felt like I’m not really meant to be here and I don’t think I have a soul, which is why things have been so hard to be here😢 I hope these videos help you because I hate to know others feel like me. Take care Susette I wish you well and I will ask my brother to pray for you x

@BambiLena666 5 ай бұрын

I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I know im not "the relevant member" of friend groups, its easy to see when people find it so easy to organise things without you, but avoid doing it if someone else in the group isnt available at the time. In my whole life I have met one friend I can truly relate to, and im scared to hell of losing her, especially with struggling with a depressive episode for so long now. I was ok with it for a good while finding joy in my work and interests, but now with my depressive episode coming in I can absolutely feel the "i dont deserve to spend time with healthy people" or "healthy people want nothing to do with me" line of feeling.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. CPTSD can make a person feel like an outsider. One way to work on this is with Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

@brigitteranocha7774 8 ай бұрын

I am 54 and I am tired of trying to find anyone. I never had a friend group or something and nobody loved me my entire life. Now I reached the end

@heatherc760 2 ай бұрын

I’m close to your same age and feel the same

@gabriellemartin9794 10 күн бұрын

No not the end.. . the fact that you are here is a hopeful sign❤️

@gertrudewest4535 7 ай бұрын

It’s rare to find decent people that share my values of treating all living things with civility and respect.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching! You may like Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

@MoMo-mo8bg Сағат бұрын

I was mesmerized by this. I definitely have the trauma from childhood. We lived in a converted chicken coop, made into apartments, abusive mother, absent father….dated older to escape. This channel felt like an epiphany…..I can’t believe there are people like me. I wasn’t expected to be anything and I did, albeit maybe out of spite. Still struggle but becoming a mother helped me be the person I wished I had. Not on social media but love that I found your channel. Comments/advise helps….even at 50, it’s refreshing to have this lesson plan in life. Be good to yourself and others…..in case you need it, I love you. You can be happy, there are good people out there.

@Jules-zg1ip 9 ай бұрын

Procrastination = Fear. I needed to hear that! Thank you Anna! ❤

@ecueto395 9 ай бұрын

This is incredibly validating, yet a kick in the ass at the same time. Thank you! I have CPTSD and ADHD and I’ve been trying to avoid stress for the past three years.. it’s becoming very problematic and I don’t do much anymore.. I’m trying to get out of that habit and stop procrastinating.. it’s so hard, and I need to just do it anyway.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Try DP, it has helped me with my procrastination, for real. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy

@SisterShirley 9 ай бұрын

@ecueto395 It's as if I wrote your exact words! Before I go to sleep at night I tell myself 'Fresh start tomorrow ' When I wake up I tell myself 'You get a do over' Some days it works I keep trying Peace be with you.

@ecueto395 9 ай бұрын

@@SisterShirley after she said the thing about brushing our teeth, I went to actually brush my teeth for the first time in a few days… I have to stop putting things off. I finally set a goal for myself to start trying for a baby in 2025 because I want to be a mother and I don’t wanna have to wait to find my person. So from now until then, I will be working really hard on my healing to get ready. It’s still extremely difficult, though even knowing that I have that goal.

@pogofuzz 9 ай бұрын

I feel like I found my mind doppelgänger because this has been my reality for 3 years. I also have physical injuries that further complicate progress. ❤ I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. I know no one else like me so you made me feel seen... the world feels like An over-complicated redundancy. Thank you.

@ecueto395 9 ай бұрын

@@pogofuzz my fibromyalgia and CFS kinda made what little sense of motivation I still had leave me.. having physical impairments on top of the CPTSD makes it incredibly difficult to carry on in a productive way so I completely understand! I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that too!

@MaryEllenFaulds 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for unraveling the continual procrastination that invades my life! I have so many dreams…😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Try Daily Practice! Then when you get the hang of it, add the optional "intentions" part. It has worked to help me procrastinate less. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy

@MariaColomy 9 ай бұрын

I appreciate that you're in the trenches with us - and that you are willing to say "it's still hard, it still takes a ton of work, and sometimes I don't feel like doing it." I appreciate the hours and hours of energy you've put forth to help so many millions of people.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Thanks for your kind words! Julie@TeamFairy

@chrisedlibi8865 9 ай бұрын

I finally got my comprehensive psych results back from many sessions and it explains why my career resembles a train wreck, as a 52yo male it makes sense why I could not fit in AND perform well at work or any jobs. My diagnosis is: 1) CPTSD, 2) Clinical Anxiety, 3) Specific Learning Disability, and of course, 4) ADHD. What really annoys me is that you need to be on benefits (Centrelink Social Security in Aust) to receive any kind of support in finding workplaces that cater for disabilities. This year has been painfully difficult, not only in becoming jobless, but also feeling completely useless and unproductive. However, I have promised myself to take up training at the gym, with is good therapy for me. Anyone else going through this just remember to look after yourself and keep watching videos from Crappy Childhood Fairy.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

What a relief it must be to have a name for the struggle. It's not your fault! I like your plan to go to the gym. Here's wishing you the best as you move forward with new awareness of the reasons for difficulties, and what you can do to change your life now.

@FoundSheep-AN 8 ай бұрын

You don’t have to believe in that diagnosis A lot of psychological diagnosis are fake … made up by therapists Also to sell you a bunch of pills It’s not like you have a broken leg and there are X-rays that shows that Just try to be your best and get money through your job …

@Lenergyiskey358 6 ай бұрын

I have just had my diagnosis of CPTSD and just DID. It was osdd but now its been upgtaded due to full blown disociative episode. I'm 56 and feel mybroad is really long. I am still being assessed for disability. It's really confronting but yes you're right. It's the only way to be able to access jobs that support mental health to this degree. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do. Specialised therapy for this is expensive.

@bunk95 5 ай бұрын

Youre a slave. Careers are fictional. Are other slaves forcing you to continue to lie?

@deepconvos1 4 ай бұрын

Try picking up a racket sport, like tennis or pickleball! It literally saved me from digging deeper in the dark hole I was in!

@Henrys123 9 ай бұрын

This is been my life I learned this finally took me 62 year's to learn had a very toxic early childhood and my 1st husband l had two kids with he was a explosive temper he bet me and had affairs etc. Your channel has helped been to therapy many times it wasn't effective to talk about it. Thanks for everything you do for us ❤

@Leela-Francine 9 ай бұрын

❤

@wardiya3arbiya 9 ай бұрын

I agree! Sometimes to keep talking about something it doesn't make it go away

@knitsweaterman2045 8 ай бұрын

I understand I’m 67 and my childhood was difficult Thank you for speaking up your not alone💕💕

@bunk95 5 ай бұрын

Therapy is fictional. Do you think your comment factually describes anything outside of fiction?

@agnethamitchell7831 6 ай бұрын

I’m 80 yrs plus now and just realised through looking at your talks that I’m not mad and that my childhood experiences were in reality abuse. There is hope of redemption and ending this excruciating helpless pain. When the student is ready the teacher will appear! In Spirit of Light- gratefully. A.M🌹

@julialucas1482 6 ай бұрын

My new affirmation is "I deserve to be cared for and treated with compassion".

@sistagold9241 9 ай бұрын

With being attracted to emotionally unavailable or self destructive relationships is because it’s familiar but it’s because they get what you’ve gone through and you understand them. I dated a man from a normal family and eventually I left after 12 years we got married and I felt weird around his family it felt strange. But I’ve always felt like the odd one out except when I’m around people who have walked similar paths. I’ve been on dates with people from normal families and I have nothing in common I can only relate to those who have walked similar paths.

@hawkes555maine 9 ай бұрын

This is actually what’s stopping me from creating a retirement schedule! Can’t get out of my own way. Didn’t know it until now. Thank you for enlightening me!

@sparrowmoses48 7 ай бұрын

Well, in all seriousness, I was a Navy kid with an invalid mother. We moved every 2yrs until I was 11. I learned that, after I made friends, we moved away. I was a painfully shy and withdrawn child, just anyway, and my sister was a bully to me. I just wanted to fade into the background and still pretty much do. Mom tried but she could only do so much. Now I'm 67, I live alone with my critters at the end of the road at the top of a mountain (there IS a convenience store a mile away). Even when I lived in town I didn't have friends or a support system. My daughter lives 40 miles away and that's it all the family close by. I think people think I'm weird even still, but I've learned not to care and found that, if they take the time to know me, they usually like me. The bottom line is, no: I don't, "fit in." I'm also bipolar as well as c-adhd. But, not fitting in means I'm free to be different because I'm never going to fit in no matter how hard I try. I've learned that if I'm content in myself, others accept me better. Of course, I'm retired now so I don't have to go to a job or see people if I don't want to. When I do go out in public -- with close friends or shopping -- it depletes me, so I've finally accepted that and plan accordingly.

@mygdaliafierro0731 5 ай бұрын

Your videos have given me confidence and validation of my pain. I was sexually abused as a child, my mother beat me and as an adult she stabbed me 16x trying to kill me. I’ve been angry for so long. I’m 53 years old and living in China. I ran….I still couldn’t run from the devastation of my childhood, life memories and forgiveness. The stabbing happened in 2015. I was trying to forgive my mother for a horrific childhood. I thought because she was older she was kind.

@littleblackbabycat 9 ай бұрын

Procrastinating is my biggest block😢

@HD-mg9ru 9 ай бұрын

First I would like to tell you what a Phenomenal woman you are. I want to thank you soooo much for the content you put out. At 65 I can relate to everything you've gone through. I'm sure thousands of people can relate how we're unaware that we go through life making these mistakes because of our PTSD. We keep on repeating these patterns over and over until we awake. And at 65 years old I am finally awake. Awake to the manipulation by my family members, awake to the red flags of dating. Not loving myself enough. And it's sad how blind I was for 65 years almost losing some of the best years of my life due to Other Peoples Chaos!!!! In my childhood being raised by a Narcissistic Rageaholic who could care less about me as a person. To poor choices in unavailable partners, marrying an Alcoholic who influenced his children to be Alcoholics. Constantly rescuing people when I was the one that needed to be rescued. And at 65 getting into a 12 step program reading a lot of books and therapy, knowing what real self-love is I finally got it. And I'm now ready for the best years of my life. Love you Anna ⚘ Big Hugs 🥰

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for taking the time to comment, Anna will want to see this :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@MultiOhioman 3 ай бұрын

This is amazing. My life of little trust, my multiple failed relationships, my anger issues, isolation, never knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not believing in magic/ religion did not help with the isolation. Thank you for doing this. Now I’m 61 a lot more mellow and understand more everyday.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 ай бұрын

You are in the right place. Thank you for your comment! Nika@TeamFairy

@ljc3484 7 ай бұрын

I think my first memory was going with my mother to some sort of pre-school that was offered in our town. I think I was around 4, the moms were all accompanying their children. We walked in together with another mom & child & stood in the doorway. My mom was holding my hand & I stood there with that anxious, weak, almost paranoid feeling of being different & defenseless. It always amazes me that I felt that at such a young age.

@kathleenclarke1823 6 ай бұрын

I love the term "crap fitting"! After ending a highly abusive live in relationship where non of my goals were being supported, at 36 committed to never dating again and living the life of a single person. I have lived a peaceful and contented life. I am now retired and feel I need to develop friendships and hopefully a romantic partner whom enriches my life. I will not crap fit anymore.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

You deserve to do that! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@Lolzeroo7 5 ай бұрын

Being alone is a gift, you do your best thinking! Looking at others to make u happy will always fail!

@krissmith7500 3 ай бұрын

Some of us do love a solitary life style❗❤️

@angelamccormack7512 7 ай бұрын

You have just vocalised my life ,I'm creative and talented but I sabotage myself .No one validated me just denigrated me so that voice paralyses me .

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching. Glad you're here. One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@izzietiffany2179 6 ай бұрын

A nice story about the prom. You lost me when you loved you're dad & he got you a dress. The point, some one loved you. No one loved me.

@taleandclawrock2606 9 ай бұрын

The magic thing about self-care is connecting honestly with your own compassionate heart. Sometimes its really painful to feel what we are really feeling. And bravo! To all of us who choose, and keep choosing, to love.

@woenderer 9 ай бұрын

How coincidental. I was just talking to my mom about procrastination and avoidance today. We are both afflicted but I’ve learned that the solution is to just get going and do something.

@Trendspottify 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing your early childhood story. This shame you felt as a teenager about your parents‘ house is the shame I have been feeling for a long time as an adult. I don’t invite anyone into my 1-bed room apartment anymore because I don’t want people to pity me or look down on me. The reason I believe this? A man who I had been dating for two years wanted to visit me at home. A friend had encouraged me that if he was the one for me, he wouldn’t mind that I don’t live in a large fancy apartment. Truth be told, he looked uncomfortable, faked an urgent call and mentioned that he wouldn’t stay over as planned but take a hotel room. I threw him out and later cried my eyes out. I had never felt so humiliated and ashamed of my home and little money. Ever since I don’t invite people over and live quite isolated. I understand this kind of shame and all means to hide it. 😔

@GodisLove4Eternity 5 ай бұрын

My oldest son was severely abused by his father and exposed to a lot of evil. I always wondered why he is choosing people who make poor life decisions and disrespect him … thank you for helping me understand. Lord please heal my son, help him solve his life problems and get wiser, and help him make wise choices and bring great friends into his life and help him choose to be friends with people who make wise choices. Lord please remove his shame and give him confidence. Amen 🙏🏻❤️

@loombandz6722 2 ай бұрын

Then as a mom what did you do?

@GodisLove4Eternity 2 ай бұрын

@@loombandz6722 Most importantly I prayed and prayed and prayed. I got him involved in a lot of church activities and Christian schools and went to church with him every Sunday. I kept him busy with lots of sports (which he loved) even coaching some. I loved him unconditionally and encouraged him. I tried to get Christian male mentors for him. We were separated for 3 years but the kids were really damaged by this so I made sure his father wouldn’t ever have him alone as the abuse would have been way worse, maybe even sexual or worse. And I know his father would have alienated me from him and I probably would never had contact with my son. I got help for myself so I could help him heal and tried to get help for my son many times.

@SaraTennent-cz4ik 6 ай бұрын

My best friend and I come from similar horrible homes as children. We rarely talk about it, but we both just know that the other one understands.

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

So if I have complex PTSD, what do I do about it? I’m unemployed, in my 50s, and I’ve lost nearly every relationship I had over the past three years because I didn’t jump in on the popular narratives that the media pushes. The divisive stuff totally stresses me out, and everything is hyper partisan now. I perpetually feel like a stranger in a strange land.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Try Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy

@TrueSelf1111 9 ай бұрын

Me too. I am in Wisc. Where are you?

@JoLoughrey 9 ай бұрын

Oh my gosh. Best comment. Me too. As if things weren't hard enough pre 2020.. I am now labelled some sort of insane 'conspiracy theorist' for having evolved myself to the point where my critical thinking, true research skills and strong intuition show me some terrifying truths of this world and the pool of potential relatable connections has drastically shrunk. Tough trip. Stay strong.

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

@@TrueSelf1111 Flori-duh (which I was strangely glad to be a resident of since 2020, even though I’m not a fan of our governor otherwise).

@GingerPeacenik 9 ай бұрын

@@JoLoughrey yeah; I’m a former artist, animator, illustrator, educator, worked in the film industry. I never watch TV and my odd hobby is macro economics, so I felt that *something* was coming (instability of our fiat currency/ banking system). Plus, I got a horrid case of Covid from a couple (just returned from the Orient) at a holiday party at the start of 2020. After two months I saw my doctor for it, and he showed me the CDC website, which stated that those in our age bracket had a 99.97% survival rate. At the end of March he told me that the state sent him with a team to test all nursing home residents in central FL, and 100% of the tests came back positive! I asked how many had symptoms; he said two people. That’s when I knew we were being had…not that anyone in my former social circles will believe me.

@mongue004 9 ай бұрын

I have CPTSD for sure, and I also deal with depression. I also have some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder - possibly ADHD. Watching this and other mental health videos have given me some clarity. Thank you. Hopefully I get my issues worked out. This is definitely helping.

@evettabush3435 9 ай бұрын

I have the same problems as you, and have been watching Anna for about 6-8 months now. Slowly I'm learning new ways to look at my life and making small steps towards change. Medication helps for me but change in outlook and behavior is making a difference.

@evettabush3435 9 ай бұрын

@@elipotter369 yes, I have been doing better since losing weight through a low carb diet. When I eat a lot of carbs, especially junk food, I feel a lot more moody and agitated. I started taking medication for ADD at age 60 along with meds for anxiety and depression. Had a lot of physical health problems in that time period but have been getting better and trying to incorporate a little physical movent every day. It all helps.

@bmbutler2 7 ай бұрын

Why need labels?

@keekeejenkins6162 7 ай бұрын

@@bmbutler2🤦🏼‍♀️

@bunk95 5 ай бұрын

You cant have fictional things. You did learn how to lie about slaves, their behavior and where they are in [school] didnt you?

@SmallWorld497 9 ай бұрын

I'm 69 years old. Every word of this video [and many of your others] describes my life. On the one hand, it's affirming to know that I'm not crazy and that others have experienced similar things in their lives. On the other it's disheartening to know that all of my life decisions and choices have been made with my number one priority being to avoid the stress of dealing with what I perceived to be a judgemental and unfriendly world, because that was my experience growing up. When I retired seven years ago, I took back my life and time with a vengeance. I focused soley on doing what I wanted to do, spend time with my children and grandchildren or whatever moved me at the moment. I promptly eliminate situations or people that feel judgemental or, sadly, evoke those feelings because they were part of my childhood scenario. I'm in my senior years now. It doesn't seem realistic that one could change a lifetime of bad baggage, and at this point I'm not sure I want to. Yes, I want to help make the world a better place and eliminate need where I find it. But it must be done from the safety of my basically anonymous life.

@annebos4634 9 ай бұрын

Even though I don't agree with you on everything, I love you, Anna, because you make me feel I am not alone in my struggles

@pamelamcmillan 9 ай бұрын

Am I too old now at the age of 63. Spent most of my life in isolation.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Never too late. A large share of the folks in our community are over 60. Try Daily Practice if you're interested. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy

@Just_Peachy8777 5 ай бұрын

I was just going over this in my head today. Watching my eldery mom sink deeper into alzheimers daily. And remembering my childhood and how she was. So narcissist it's unbelievable. I just keep telling myself it could've been worse...

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

That must have been very difficult. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@bunk95 5 ай бұрын

Alzheimers is fictional. If youre participating in torturing and killing someone, why lie/tell of it in story?

@jomoney465 7 сағат бұрын

You have explained so much, explained why all the bad boys with tatoos and work at the gas station are the only ones that ever asked me out, and even they didn't treat me well. But I would always go back for more. The nice boys were just too boring. In adulthood, and I'm single for many years after divorce from a narcissist, I just do not understand why the most unattractive men will boldly come up to me, ask me out, and want my attention and of course men love the sound of their own voice, and I, the people pleaser am a great listener, and yet the somewhat attractive men with a good job, or a future, have never given me the time of day. And I was so pretty when I was younger and trying to find a husband, but no good looking men ever wanted me back. I am still the giver who attracts the takers. My friends, my neighbors, everyone. Absolutely everyone in my life is a taker. I have to set boundaries all the time. I'm so tired of being on guard so I won't be used, it's exhausting

@lupusyonderboy-mh4ts Ай бұрын

Looking back as an adult, I see how dysfunctional I was as a child and even more so as an adolescent. We think then that we are keeping it under wraps so well, but adults know better. I find myself wondering why the adults in my life then didn't do or say anything to help, even though they knew I was in tremendous pain. I think it's just so overwhelming and frightening to people who haven't experienced what we call CPTSD that they don't know what to say. It's important not to blame anyone, which is something I find myself doing in my weaker moments.

@franceshorton918 9 ай бұрын

I was going to join a procrastinator's support group but they havent organised a meeting yet! 😅 Seriously though, the more I'm learning about CPTSD the more I understand why I was so messed up in my younger years. Thanks a million times for your videos and for sharing your thoughts and experiences! ❤

@nancyk3615 Ай бұрын

Mee too❤

@cherylb2008 8 ай бұрын

Childhood neglect Many paralyzing problems I still am trying to overcome It’s hard I feel like discernment and decisions are very hard for me

@deborahclewley3332 9 ай бұрын

This video is titled about childhood neglect and not fitting in - but the talk is on procrastination??

@domb8448 9 ай бұрын

Thank you. This showed up on the very day that I needed to hear this. I recently found out, at the age of 53, that I had been adopted as a child and was never told. Every day has subsequently become an enormous struggle and this talk has helped enormously in explaining, and dealing with some of my default behaviours. I cannot thank you enough for this today.

@rj-ge1qr 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for the work you do. Every time I feel like I'm regressing, I just imagine what you would say to me in those moments and it helps me keep going

@Nina-vv3ev 7 ай бұрын

Think of procrastination as a fear response you are frozen for a second…. Anxiety is a loss of control reaction… the depression you feel stuck & ewwww… now think of the most logical way to combat it… face it & fight it or feel like caca

@piscesfeb2413 5 ай бұрын

I went through a similar childhood and was diagnosed with PTSD. I went through therapy then I went to college and got a degree in psychology just for myself to understand what I had been through. I had always been attracted to the wrong people and I've been married and divorced 3 times. Now I'm finally waiting on the right person and I have boundaries. It is important to heal yourself.

@cliffordparmeter6940 3 ай бұрын

Very interesting.

@Jsfreedom 3 ай бұрын

When I was a child, I patiently waited for adulthood, and for the opportunity to get away from my abusive family. Confidently, I believed things would be different. As I got older, I realized the same things that were happening behind closed doors were only a fraction of similar sicknesses engulfing the rest of the world. I was so deeply disappointed! No matter what I have hoped for, I keep getting the same crap. My grandfather was my best friend, as I knew friendship to be. He died when I was 12, I have not experienced love since, but not for the lack of hoping.

@dearbh1736 9 ай бұрын

Anna, I woke up during the night thinking about why you looked at road workers in the past with a feeling of them having a sense of purpose and achievement at the end of their day ( paraphrasing) and it ocurred to me that it was not a random thing that you associated this particularly with road workers. When you consider this 'road' or journey that we are all on, maybe we are a bit like those road workers to some degree. There is the section of the road that we have already built - the past - and for people with childhood PTSD, we can spend a large proportion of our lives travelling up and down this familiar stretch of road because we know the terrain even when it constantly leads back to trauma and terrible suffering but we are all deeply attached to the past and the familiar.. BUT there is always that part of the road where our 'inner road worker' is waiting to construct a new section of road that goes in a totally different direction and is always moving forward - the future. When faced with the possibility of going back down the old highway, it often seems easiest when we are already in pain compared to facing the unknown and having to put in the effort and energy and emotional upheaval required to lay down the foundations for a new and infinitely better route. However, it is at this crossroads that we often discover that the 'road worker' that resides within all of us is stronger and more powerful than we could have possibly imagined and his/her other name is 'healing'. I know this is a kind of simplistic metaphor Anna and not enough to have jarred me out of sleep but it did and I kind of like the notion that we are the architects or engineers in this case, of how we want the course of our future pathways to look. Thank you for everything. You are helping me to change the course of my own life one minute at a time.

@AlterRenee99 2 ай бұрын

You are an amazing writer! This is not an awesome metaphor!

@daisyviluck7932 9 ай бұрын

LOL Combing the cat 🤣🤣🤣. That made me smile ❤️

@aimduncan6495 9 ай бұрын

I feel like I cry through everyone of these videos because I feel so seen.. The feelings I don’t know how to put into words are finally explained. Thank you. So very much.

@chetyoubetya8565 5 ай бұрын

It always amazes me that even as a young child I knew which family member really loved me. They never gave me any material things but the one thing they always gave me was their time and they always listened to me no matter what. Unfortunately, it was the other family with their abuse and neglect that in the end were the exact same people I gravitated to as an adult and I am now to the point that I avoid people because I know the people, I gravitate to in the end will destroy me inside out.

@Graciekins 17 күн бұрын

I was involuntarily hospitalized for stopping my medication and the male nurse had no problem and even laughed a little when he told me I would be a high risk pregnancy when that was the main reason why I thought I needed a change. Most people think professionals are good people but at the end of the day they don’t actually care about how they treat people when they are in a place of authority. We need to stop acting like abuse is taboo when it happens all the time anytime because it doesn’t have boundaries and a lot of people don’t know or care what those boundaries are.

@JoLoughrey 9 ай бұрын

You are amazing. A gift to the world. I bet your dad is so proud of you from the other side. Many thanks from NZ. 💜

@elizabethhollins5988 8 ай бұрын

Hmm she had childhood neglect

@winnie6203 4 ай бұрын

@@elizabethhollins5988 her mom took her away. Her dad loved her but he died when she was young. She talked about it in this video.

@samskidoodle4768 9 ай бұрын

I often experienced bouts of displacement activity when I was on a writing deadline. Never was my flat so clean! But having finally got into the right frame mind, where the words were flowing, when I was the conduit and the writing was knitting together beautifully, it felt euphoric. That pay off - being in the creative zone - far outweighs the stress of finally getting the first sentence down and defeating the internal saboteur. Surrendering to starting something, one thing. Your videos are wonderful Anna and those of us who watch regularly know the care and effort it takes. I’ve learnt so much from you and feel better for it. Thank you. ☺️✨

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Thanks for your wonderful comment. The "flow state" of creativity is one of the best feelings on earth. "Displacement activity" is such a great phrase, too. Julie@TeamFairy

@lassebauer 29 күн бұрын

IMO people from a volatile home are not attracted to "nice" and "good". We are attracted to what feels familiar however toxic it might be, because we know toxicity and we are very comfortable navigating toxicity. We feel at home in it. IMO this is why there is comfort in the uncomfortable, and this is why many of us keep inviting toxic people or situations into our lives.

@birdlynn417 Ай бұрын

I enjoyed hearing her story so much, and can relate to this time in our lives, age, hiding from shame, and all the emotional feelings of childhood/young adult, and feeling so insecure about yourself, your home, and never feeling that you belong. I felt at home playing sports, because that is what I was good at, but after that I was lost. She made me laugh and smile today, bless your heart, thank you, for sharing. I don't think we can ever outgrow the ghost of insecurities that we had as a child that we still have even in my sixties.

@johnslaymaker 9 ай бұрын

"Just do it" = least helpful procrastination advice in human history.

@throttle4593 9 ай бұрын

Your story made me tear up. I can totally relate. Look how far you've come!

@kheadenmd 3 ай бұрын

I just turned 65 and I am amazed at how accurately you have described my personality and early life experiences through your videos. I could always accept being diagnosed ADHD and Depression and probably wouldn’t have considered CPTSD before but I can accept it 100% since reentering therapy and watching your videos. I hope I am not too old to heal now.

@mc-8022 Ай бұрын

I remember that good people can be very insensitive to our most damaged area and don’t really ever understand the impact of extreme abuse and neglect in childhood- it’s an issue beyond just positioning yourself correctly

@wondergranny2299 6 ай бұрын

Me, too. Grew up poor, deserted by our mom, dad was emotionally distant, we grew up like latchkey kids. I didn't fit in w the other kids at school, hardly had any friends , didn't feel worthy of goin to any proms so I didn't. All my life even to now don't "fit in". Always been a loner. It don't bother me anymore (am age 62 now). I'd rather relax w my hobbies and pets. What has always bothered me the most is being betrayed by my mother. She betrayed me in many ways, used me all the years as an adult when I tried to please her and have a relationship w her. I just didn't matter to her, and that's a hard pill to swaller.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

That sounds incredibly hard. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@mandychapin9411 8 ай бұрын

Wow, your childhood is almost exactly like mine! Dad left, mom alcoholic, living in a dumpy apartment, really poor etc. So yeah, I grew up fast, was drawn to the bad boy. I was always hanging out at my friends houses. Sober parents in a clean house, and they included me at dinner time. I am now so grateful for the influence they had on my life❤

@CharlieBrown843 Ай бұрын

“Symptoms of C-PTSD only occurs if it gets triggered” again this makes so much sense. This is why when I meet a therapist they assume that nothing is wrong with me because I volunteered to come to therapy and actually seems pretty nice until specific buttons are pressed. If only my therapist could stand on the outside and look in to see how I interact with my boss and coworkers in a group setting. Why won’t it just go away? 😭😭😭

@valeriegattoni7835 3 ай бұрын

You said it. Shame, it keeps me isolated from family and friends. I have isolated myself in hopes not to be hurt, manipulated or judged. My ptsp has made me isolated from everyone. I am from a family of 10 and I feel like an orphan, no one understands, family say I need to get over it and stop dwelling on the past. My past rules my day to day life. I trust no one.

@patriciaford8153 9 ай бұрын

Strange to hear you describe the sensation like a toxic chemical was running through your bloodstream. So familiar. Had nine years of therapy and was free of that sort of feeling for some time, but, at 77 have felt triggered again. Helpful to have you describe it and gain further insight

@jo-annmaruszak9885 9 ай бұрын

You are so helpful for me. I had an alcoholic dad and a mom who struggled with life

@psisky 2 ай бұрын

So did I.

@susanhale6197 3 ай бұрын

The “avoid decent people” thing just TOTALLY made me realize why my Bipolar/Narcissistic mother hated my friends. I went into the gifted program and made lifelong friends in a higher social/financial standing while my older siblings did not. Mom loooved mothering my sister’s friends from lower class/broken families and made endless snide remarks about mine. Because I was the “truth teller” kid, and she was both incredibly angered by my popularity and panicked that my friends’ heathier families would realize how emotionally abused I was.

@gottabme 3 ай бұрын

My Narc mom went a step further. She would trash talk me to any other parent she met, or to someone she KNEW would tell said parent/s. Then, they would stop allowing their kid to be around me. Next, of course, "See, once ppl find out who you are, they don't want anything to do with you." So I would be shamed, at home, my small-town school, at church, everywhere. Ppl looked down their noses at me. I was ashamed, but never quite knew why! Wow! I learned very young, that nice/good ppl were SCARY! Thanks, to all who read here, to all who share, and to our good Fairy, whom we all love!

@heatherc760 2 ай бұрын

Jealousy and fear 🫢

@MsCaterific 9 ай бұрын

💞 I just want to say that ADHD can = procrastination stress, which carries over into adulthood. Just the other day my daughter, 28, tried to blame me for the fact that she's a slob and can't keep house. Her reasoning is because having a clean home was/is important to me and that somehow stressed her out creating cPTSD😳 From the age of 12 my daughter only had 2 chores which were to only wash the dishes after supper and once a week clean a tiny minimalist bathroom that only took her tops 20mins to do. Here I believed as an intentional, non neglectful parent I was teaching her hygiene skills and responsibility. I cleaned everything else cuz I didn't want to over burden her as homework was a mental overwhelm for her ADHD brain. I don't know where I went wrong🤷

@greggkennedy3758 5 ай бұрын

That childhood life experience of your prom is heartbreaking. I am 60 years old and have always thought my childhood was bad but this video has made me realize that I am wrong, maybe I dealt with some dysfunction or parenting ignorance but nothing like your story. Education is the tool that can fix what’s broken. Putting yourself out there for people is courageous and loving. Something that I’ve learned about life and people is our life experiences shape who we are, so remove yourself from people who don’t contribute positive energy and thoughts to you and your world. Your an angel

@pamelashoemaker1614 4 ай бұрын

I am so happy you felt close to your dad. I always wanted that. How hurtful it must have been to see him go through the stages of ALS.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 ай бұрын

Yes. I still miss him after all these years.

@kevinlangley23 4 ай бұрын

I can still remember my mother hanging sheets over the window to keep people from knowing I was home schooled. That happened after the school tested me for behavioral issues. My parents knew I’d be taken away if the school found out I was being beaten. Yes. We are taught to hide.

@lottorabbit 5 ай бұрын

Hello. I am a 53 year old man. I can relate to 100% of everything you are saying. It’s incredible because I’ve never heard anyone else talk about I. I can relate to you and I’m sure you and I would be friends.

@annamariegolden2867 9 ай бұрын

I'm getting more from your videos than I did in counseling 😮 😊 thanks for making this channel!

@lorraineortega1031 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video! While watching, I GOT DRESSED. I PUT MY SHOES ON. I GAVE MYSELF A MINI-FACIAL (with warm filtered water and a heavy duty paper towel). I feel soothed and invigorated; just be doing self-care!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын

Great job!

@SailorGreenTea 9 ай бұрын

55:09, jealous is fiercely protective and vigilant over people's rights and possessions

@glittergirl3052 9 ай бұрын

My struggle is constantly feeling overwhelmed. Everything feels like a priority even when it’s not. My brain sees every detail. I get things done but it’s hard to feel the satisfaction because I still feel behind on other things. That’s when I want to procrastinate because it feels like my effort is never enough.