So good, that someone at last help the codependent in stead of focusing on the narcisist

What a clear explanation. I was married to a narcissist for over 20 years...didn't know i was co-dependent until just before we split up. this was VERY practical and helpful. I wrote out the healthy beliefs and put them on my fridge to remind me daily!!!

thank you for the simple and most excellent explanation of codependency I have come across yet...

Recovering codependent here, too.

My therapy group shut down due to covid, I am so happy I found you! God only knows how you have helped me! 🙏

I need to just have a relationship with myself. Then I won’t have this problem anymore!😂

It's so true! I rely on other people to be and act exactly how I want them to and suffer because of it.

Oh my goodness 🥺🥺🥺 I can relate to all three Coda beliefs. Excellent video. Thanks Counselor Carl.💙💫✨

OMG, that explains my strange behavior & habit. I am an ideal prey to most narcissists.

Hi I was in a relationship. With a narcissist and was codependant my mom is codependant also and is still wounded at 66 I showed her this video and she was amazed Thankyou you explain this amazingly and thanks

Thank you- I am recovering- what I have now found is that I am losing others due to stating my needs when I recognise I am slipping back! So now i am having to deal with ‘abandonment’ despite knowing that the right people will respect your values and nos! It’s so hard but so worth it! Xx

Thanks Carl...I wrote down those healthy beliefs. I will read every day to program my mind.

I’m here after describing my relationship with my father somewhere on Reddit and someone using this word to describe our relationship. I basically saying how it feels like I need to be perfect in order to make him happy. “They feel as though they’re the only adult.” wow, in light of some things said by my friends, this makes a lot of sense. I appreciate this video, your demeanor, and will explore this topic further.

Finally someone that knows is topic! I like the peace he has! Looking forward to more of his videos

Healthy Belief #1 All healthy relationships are negotiations. Thus, I must be able to identify what my needs are and then be willing to ask others to meet them, and I expect others to do the same. My feelings and needs do matter, and so do the needs and feelings of others, which is why we negotiate. #2 I must be able to say 'no' to behaviors that are unacceptable to me, and I expect others to do the same. #3 I can not make a relationship work all by myself because it takes two people to create a healthy relationship. I can not fix another; I can only fix myself. I can not make another happy; I can only make myself happy.

This therapist video down I listen every morning to start my day .

Thank You for taking the time to help with this important topic!

Thanks Carl. Your advice is like message from heaven.

Thank you for this kind, honest, and insightful video on codependency it has really given me a healthy and helpful new perspectives.

What a Blessing!!!!!! Thank you! God Bless😊👍

I'm glad I watched this because I was confused, thinking I had issues with this. I think my relationship was codependent but not necessarily individualized.

Thank you once again Counselor Carl I am very pleased with this

Great video! Thank you Carl!

Love your videos, thank you so much Carl!

Thank you, I am all 3 of these but need to change!

Thank you Carl. This really helped. I can see now why I am prone to codependency even if I'm not fully codependent. Nonetheless it helps me see how my behaviour could be interpreted to those on the receiving end.

Fantastic advice, one of the best channels for Codependency, very open and generous. Thank you : -p

Am I only one that thinks he looks like George Bush ??

GREAT EXPLANATION!! That's a load off my mind.

#3 is important. It's important that we become aware of the "Guilt" we feel. Otherwise we will be manipulated into relationships with manipulative morons. Only to later find out that we gain nothing by playing somebody else's puppet.

I am a co-dependant in recovery. However, I'm not sure I was with a narcissistic, but rather with a manipulator, taking advantage of my weakness and love addiction.

Of all the info out there on codependency I fi d this channel the most most helpful, practical and understandable hands down! I'm finally gaining hope of recovery Thank you, Counselor Carl!

Truly thankful for the way you talk and clarify,elaborate, breaking down on codependency. Always speaking clearly

Thank you so much......i always feel so much better when I listen to your videos - recovery seems possible with your help - hope you are well🌿

This is great information. I am a codependent who is working in recovery.

Thank you for clear, useful and understandable videos.

Great video, great work, thank you for sharing Carl

So helpful and clear. Thanks so much

As someone who was on the receiving end of a coda, I can say without reservation that Counselor Carl nailed it. Contrary to popular belief not all codas need a narcissist. I was (and now am again) a strong willed confident person but I let my coda control everything to the point of me becoming a drunk, needy, pathetic, loser. I even got suicidal before finally removing myself from the grips of a 22 year battle with a coda. The insidisnous of this type of person is that they ARE indeed the most loving, caring, and giving people you will ever meet. If being addicted to someone who is so loving and kind makes you a narcissist, then guilty as charged The problem is they want it all and they will take it all until there is nothing left. Within 3 months of ending a 22 year relationship with a coda I got sober, got my faith back, dropped 40 pounds, got a fantastic job, got promoted 2 months on the job, rebuilt my relationships with my children, stopped anti-depressants, and haven't been depressed since. Not joking. Has the break been easy? No way. Worth it? Yes! I would love to place my success at the alter of sobriety or faith in God and indeed these had and continue to have a major impact on my recovery and success. However, any sane person could not look at this situation and ask, "there has got to be something else going on here". There is. My heart goes out for the codas of the world because I loved one (dearly) for a very long time but their addiction trumps everything, their constant need for love distorts reality, and they completely fail at seeing how their needs could be met by how others value them everyday, just in ways they aren't paying attention too. Listen to Counselor Carl. He sounds and acts like a good man who understands this devastating affilication. I desparately wanted and tried to love back in a way that would meed the needs of my ex (coda) but the controlling nature of this addicition is so strong that it renders everything else moot. Many of the comments here and other places label the other person as a narcissist. I have a proposition for you. Stop controlling for 90 days and just let the other person be themselves. Let them work on a project without you getting involved. Let them load the car the way they want before you leave for somewhere. Let them discipline and talk to the children in their way. Let them load and unload the dishwasher however they want to. Let them fail miserably at something they are trying to do. Let it ALL go. If your emotional needs arent being met after faithfully letting go for 90 days then you might be with a narcissist.

Thats why Narcissists and Psychopaths love Codependents . We hang in there till the bitter end..Put them and their needs before our own...Easy to manipulate...You cant fix what cant be fixed.. Relationships are two way .. Dont hang in there and wait for something that is not there.. Stand up for yourself and move on to something better..

I came to this video to garner more information about my good friend who is a self-admitted codependent who recently went into a relationship with an addict. And after listening, this gave me incredible insight and knowledge into my own issues I need to manage. Thank you

thanks mr counselor..now i know i am codependent person..

Thankyou Sir. I was just journaling and deep down I knew all this (first half of the video) but woudn't be able to find the solution. This video means a lot to me.

Yes, changing the operating system. Negotiate, at first I was scared, now I have no problem stating what I would prefer. Progress not perfection.

Thank you so much helping me heal my heart

Excellent!!! Thank you

Hey doc thank you for the insight.

I love your work and your compassion - you seem like the kindest person !

Explained very well.

Thank you for the kind words and definition.. your videos have really helped bring clarity to what I feel

This guy is good

I can relate to this video. I would say how codependency affects me is that people would not respect my boundaries so I would just give up rather than I should not be around those people. They are unhealthy toxic people. I will try to watch more of your videos. Thank you..

Mind blowing...👍🏼

Thank you for an excellent video!

5/5/22 love your content

Absolutely

Hi, I have some of the codependency traits but feel that most of them were made much more prominent because of my marriage. He has been diagnosed as bipolar but i believe he has been misdiagnosed and is something else like borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits. I have been told for so long when i tell him how i feel about something that i'm wrong, i have come to believe that or second guess myself constantly. He has such extreme reactions to things and i don't like confrontation, that i minimize how i feel or almost apologize as i'm telling him because i don't want to be yelled at or told my feelings do not matter. He is very immature most the time and self absorbed. I know that i have problems focusing to much on his needs and feelings that i disregard my own. At times i'm very aware of it and do not give into it but other times i feel like he jedi mind tricks me into showering him with attention and affection til i'm ignoring myself again even though he has just been telling me i need to focus on myself. He is a very hot and cold person, manipulative and his actions are opposite to his words. I've had some close friends tell me they think he is a complete narcissist but again he hasn't been diagnosed as that. We are waiting to get insurance so we can go back to marriage counseling.

You just described me, thru the hit me like a freight train.

Unbelievable. Wish I saw this a decade ago before the toxic relationships I’ve gotten myself into. 😞

I got better with the first one before finding this video.

Thanks for explaining codependency. I was an enabler and rescuer for another codependent person. Now I know I need to let the other person rescue themselves.

Thank you for the video! I didn't understand what codependency meant & you cleared it up for me=)

Thank you Counsellor Carl. One of the few videos that paints codependents as good people. We are usually called manipulators too

your guidance has Foundationally Changed my Life. Got Me To New Beginning. ThankYou 1 more Request, could You Please Upload Long Version of the intro Music. Its just Awesome. :)

I’ve been a Co-dependent my whole life, but... I am definitely recovering 😊

Hi Carl, I have a troubled family that uses the label “codependency” without knowing what it is. I hope this video helps them. Thank you.

Thank you very much for this video and I’m looking forward to watching more and it help me understand the subject so much more thank you

Thank you I found you by accident I am trying to help a alcoholic friend.your talks very helpful 🙏🏿🕉

Fantastic information! *recovering codependent*

This sounds exactly like me

Thank you for reminding me that I matter and have my own needs

I was super independent until someone who needed real help got involved. Now I am stuck.

I like your solutions though

Could you have an updated videos to this

My narcissistic mother wants me to do the first coda belief and I never wanted to, for her it's the reason she gets the narcissistic rage and gives me the silent treatment. What about that?

GOD bless you 🙏 Thank you So MUCH for the comment that codependent people are normal Just raised in unhealthy environment! Thank you for THIS video ❤️

I was resonating with you till I heard the beliefs. I think I am codependent and I don’t have any of those going on

1:38 Recovering

Thank you ❤️❤️

3/3

Thanks :)

Counselor Carl is Cool!

🙏🙏🙏

Thank you.

thank you 💗

Great video

Thank you so much, I found these videos so healing and constructive.

Why are they (we) called codependant? That word confuses me.

Thanks for your videos. I'm codependent in a relationship with a narcissist i try to tell him my needs but it's useless, he makes know effort. I feel like lm drowning trying to make him happy. I'm settling for treatment l don't deserve cuz I know I'm obsessed with the fact i can maybe change him or the relationship between us. Even though I know deep down inside there is no real relationship. It's so hard to get out of the relationship. I researched about narcissist and codependent and it's toxic. Do you have any advice.

Rod H

I am getting a divorce. I think both my husband and I are codependent and with other issues. I was trying to fix the relationship and him, he was always running away from our problems and finding other women to confide in. I had to just stop in order to help myself and start on a path of recovery and self love and respect. After we decided to split and eventually divorce I asked him to get all of his stuff out of the house within the next few weeks also that I wanted to keep our bed. He told me I am being an enemy and he needs a friend through this posses. Is this a codependent trap or am I being to cold during a difficult time?

HI Carl , Thanks for your videos. I am a child and youth psychotherapist based in the Philippines. I am preparing some group interventions for 25 youth with drug related problems. I am planning to use your method and Erick Erikson stages as first interventions. do you have any suggestions? thanks ahead,

I don't really understand Healthy Belief #3 in the video where it says, "I can not make another happy. I can only make myself happy." When people do nice things for me, it makes me feel happy. So I think that the converse would be the case, provided that what I think is nice the other also thinks is nice. Unless that belief #3 means more than temporary pleasing feelings over some particular "nice thing". I also don't understand the "I can only make myself happy." How can one make oneself happy?

Counselor Carl, can you talk about boundaries..?

Can you make videos for the children of 2 co-dependents????

Is recovery.even possible if you dont know what you want.

Oh gosh... this is me

Is codependency a personality disorder?

Doesn't everyone tend to have copendency sometimes?

Oh good, can you help me? Geees